Hippo Violation @hippowithahamster - Tumblr Blog

who decided to blend Fahrenheit 451 with 1984 and make that are timeline oh wait it was the tech companies god damn it

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iamcurrentlyinyourwalls

*points* emooooo emooooooo

-person listening to mcr while writing this

*points back* emooo

hippowithahamster

*flightless bird* emuuuuuuuu

panic-at-the-disclosure

responding “what are you, a cop?” when the waiter asks me for my order but they pull out a badge and arrest me for running over a family of four with my Toyota Camry

hippowithahamster

As they should we all know that pickups are the current meta, if you’re going to run over a family of four you shouldn’t be suboptimal about it

hppjmxrgosg

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

hppjmxrgosg

you shut your mouth.

hippowithahamster

little known fact the seductive nature of the phrase got milk arises from the idea of a milf (milk I’d like to fuck)

panic-at-the-disclosure

how many horses could you have before they stop you? Is there a limit of horses where They will say “no, that’s enough horses” and just not sell me any more?

hippowithahamster

by the time you hit that point it won’t matter your horse army will just take them by force

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justcallmedom31

hippowithahamster

as a shareholder I hope that trans is doing well on the smp 500

panic-at-the-disclosure

I could easily take a professional boxer in a fight, provided by professional boxer you mean 2 month old with a dull pocket knife and no proficiency in wielding that weapon

hippowithahamster

I think I could take a professional boxer so long as they started 10 yards away and I had a Glock

phailinsiam

ye olde transphobe at pride asking me who told me I was trans-

ME. IT WAS ME. I TOLD ME I WAS TRANS, BETH. YOU PATHETIC FOOL.

'you are a beautiful young woman' I don't think you realize how weird that sounds Beth

I suggest you shut up??? or maybe put your desire to ruin someone's day into like. environmental justice. start ruining the lives of oil barons. instead of harassing trans kids. and also kids in general. please leave the elementary schoolers alone, BETH.

oh I'm sure the trans kids existing is uh. hurting the gay kids????? what????? are you talking about??????

pride is awesome. pride is a protest. got crochet trans bee. it was amazing. fuck you Beth you can't take joy from me.

hippowithahamster

Life is so much better when you can look at the transphobe and laugh at how sad what there doing is.

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