𝐭𝐨: 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”

He sat down beside her, leisurely throwing an arm over her shoulders. How would this natural action change if he fell in love with someone else? Lucy shook her head, ridding herself of the thought.

“Nothing important. What have you been up to? You stink…” She made no effort masking the look of disgust on her face. Natsu chuckled mischievously.

“I pranked Happy. Messed around with the plumbing in the bathroom, you shoulda seen his face!” His teeth gleamed in the daylight as he threw his head back in laughter. Lucy would have found him insanely attractive, Adam's apple bobbing as gleeful chuckles escaped his mouth, if she wasn’t suddenly very aware of what it was she was smelling on him. He smelled like feces…

“God, Natsu!” She shoved him away. “And you didn’t wash up afterwards? We’ll both get sick!”

Natsu gave her a nonchalant shrug.

“The plumbing is ruined, I couldn’t shower even if I wanted to. That’s why I came to you!”

“What, so you could rub poop on my new shirt?!”

“No,” he scoffed. “To tell ya’ I’ll borrow your bathtub.”

Lucy, who was now standing up, felt a shiver run down her spine. She didn’t want to touch a single object at this state, and even less touch Natsu, but she grabbed his scarf and started walking towards the guild door.

“We’re taking a bath, now.” A faint whistle from one of the guild mates was met with a deadly stare from Lucy. “God, all the times you’ve invaded my apartment without asking, but this is when you ask? This stench has got to be killing you and your bloodhound nose.”

“Meh, I got used to it pretty quickly.”

Lucy gave him a puzzled glance. With the wind blowing away the worst of the stench she didn’t find the same fiery energy as before to scold him. Instead she dragged him all the way home, and immediately drew him a bath.

As she took off her shirt to throw it in the washing machine with Natsu’s disgustingly damp clothes, she remembered the victim of the prank.

“Hey, where’s Happy? You didn’t leave him in poop-city, did you?” She lifted up her left bra-strap that had fallen down her shoulder.

“He jumped in the lake to wash himself. Then I reminded him that we eat the fish from that lake, so he ran away crying. He’ll be back sooner or later.” Natsu was sitting on the bathroom floor in just boxers, as Lucy forbade him to sit on any furniture. The tiles in there were easy enough to clean, so she allowed him to wait there. As she looked at him, he seemed to be staring intensely at something south of her face. “Is that a new bra?”

Lucy’s face became warm, and according to the bathroom mirror, glowing red.

“Why do you keep an inventory of my bra-supply?” She clipped back, sounding angrier than she intended to.

Natsu just sheepishly smiled, pointing to his head.

“I like the colour, it kinda matches my hair!”

Lucy felt a vein pop out of her forehead. She suppressed the urge to hit him for his insensitivity, and instead redirected him to the hot bath.

“Okay, fashionista, how about you like cleanliness instead.”

She pointed to the tub and then left the room so he could do what she’d brought him to do. In the meantime she washed her hands in the basin in the kitchen, and went and picked out some clean clothes for them to wear. She’d called him a fashionista, and she really meant it. That man was so peculiar with the clothes he wore that she sometimes wondered why he wore that open vest when they first met. She understood the appeal, as she didn’t exactly reject the straight view to his abdominal muscles, but she was attracted to him. Natsu didn’t seem attracted to anything, other than maybe food and fighting. Still, he was picky with the clothes on his back.

A few minutes passed, and she heard the water sloshing around in the bathroom, followed by a loud sigh of relief. Natsu must have finally submerged himself. Just as she sat down on the couch, a muffled voice called from the bathroom.

“Oi, Lucy!” She sighed.

“What now?”

There was a brief pause before he answered.

“I think I dropped my soap.”

Lucy groaned, rubbing her temples.

“Then pick it up, genius.”

“No, I mean… it went flying. I think it’s under the cabinet.”

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut. Why is he like this?

She stood up and stomped over to the bathroom door, cracking it open just enough to glare at him through the gap. She picked her field of vision carefully.

“I’m not helping you unless you cover up. Spin around or something.”

“Prude,” he muttered under his breath. Lucy ignored him. Some social rules were important to adhere to – friends of different sex weren’t supposed to see each other naked. The fact that this rule had been accidentally broken multiple times before didn’t have anything to do with it.

She exhaled sharply and opened the door wider to enter. Natsu had obediently spun around to face the window, allowing Lucy to step in without any worry. She crouched down and peered under the sink cabinet, spotting the rogue soap resting just out of reach. With a huff, she stretched her arm underneath, fingers just grazing the edge—

Splash!

Lucy froze. Slowly, she turned her head, feeling the cold trail of water drip down her lower back. Natsu was half-sunken in the tub, grinning like a mischievous imp.

“…You did not just do that,” she gasped, her voice a mix of disbelief and amusement.

Natsu snickered, completely unrepentant. He eyed her up and down, so fast Lucy thought she might have imagined it, but then he quickly gulped, proving that he had, in fact, ogled her. Before she could swiftly take her leave, Natsu spoke up.

“It was an accident?”

A playful fury rose in Lucy’s chest. Oh, he was so dead. Without hesitation, she grabbed the soap and hurled it straight at his head. It smacked against his forehead with a satisfying thunk. Natsu flinched, then burst into laughter, clutching his head.

“Okay, okay! I surrender!” he wheezed, hands up in mock defeat.

Lucy crossed her arms, scowling – though the tiny smirk tugging at her lips betrayed her.

“You better be squeaky clean when you get out,” she warned, turning toward the door. “Or you’re sleeping outside.”

With a huff, she spun on her heel and marched out, leaving Natsu’s laughter echoing behind her.

When Natsu finally stepped out of the bathroom, he was dressed in the clothes Lucy had picked out for him. A couple of months ago, she’d reached out to his tailor to get him a new set, something close to what he usually wore. The result was an outfit not unlike the one he had during their fight against Tartaros. She had always liked that look – it suited him – but it was a shame when those clothes were destroyed in battle.

Then again, the same could be said for her own. That green top and vest she’d chosen specifically because they reminded her of Natsu’s had met a similar fate. But unlike him, she could never wear that outfit again. Too many painful memories were woven into the fabric, especially the ones tied to Aquarius. Just thinking about it made her chest tighten.

She could only hope Natsu didn’t feel the same way about his clothes. Or at least that the subtle differences in design would keep any bad memories at bay. Maybe the fact that it was a gift from her could be enough to soothe the wounds. But that might be wishful thinking.

The original plan had been to give them to him as a birthday gift, but given the state of his old outfit, he might as well start wearing them now.

“Where’d ya’ get these clothes? They fit me perfectly.” Natsu was tugging at different parts of the fabric to correct the position. “Like they were tailored or somethin’.”

Lucy let out a chuckle.

“They were. I was going to give them to you at a better time, but you needed something wearable now, so…” She crossed her arms over her stomach and smiled at him. Natsu smiled back, flashing his teeth.

“Thanks! They’re great!”

“Spin for me.” Lucy let a mischievous glint in her eye show.

“What. Why?”

“I just wanna…” She tried to pick her words. “Fulfill the vision.”

To her surprise, he actually did as she asked. Not the pretty ballerina version like a small part of her had wished for, but still; a slow couple of steps that gave her the full view. Lucy almost barked out a sit command too, but the dog-resemblance would be too big for her to keep from laughing. So instead she just nodded in approval.

“He did well.”

This time it was Natsu’s turn to look at Lucy. It wasn’t anything new that he stared at her; he’d done it countless times before, sometimes what felt like hours at a time. She didn’t usually care, as she was too deep in books or too busy writing to notice, but when she stood in front of him, facing his longing gaze, she couldn’t help but cower a little. She didn’t understand what he was thinking about. So many thoughts were swirling around in that head, yet the silliest words made it out. Once he’d stared at her for 2 hours, practically begging for her attention, and when she finally gave in and looked at him, he had just said “Hey look at this” and farted.

But she knew he wasn’t as unserious as he wanted to seem. He was smart, thoughtful and kind; his mouth just filtered all intelligent words out and let the goofy ones out. So when he finally opened his mouth, she didn’t know what she expected him to say.

“Are you going out like that?”

Lucy blinked.

“Like what?”

“Ya’ know… You’re not wearing a whole lot.”

A brow scrunched up in confusion. She never wore a whole lot, yet he’d never complained about it before?

“What are you trying to say?”

Natsu stepped closer, only stopping when their chests were practically touching, and Lucy could feel his hot breath against her face. He leaned in and whispered straight into her ear;

“You’re just wearing a bra.” Lucy’s entire body shivered when she felt his finger curl into one her bra strap, letting it go with a light smack against her shoulder. She was certain her face was the deepest shade of red.

Natsu laughed and goofily put his hands behind his head as he took a step back.

“You shoulda’ seen yer face!” He cackled, clumsily stepping out to the kitchen to search through the cupboards for something quick to eat. Lucy let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, and then sent him an angry look; a look sent in vain, as he already had his head deep in a drawer with different boxes of cookies and bags of flour.

She shook her head. Whatever mood there had been earlier was long lost. Instead she grabbed the nearest clean shirt, a pink tank top, and then entered the kitchen to take back the food that was getting stolen.

“You’re getting crumbs all over the floor. Sweep it up, lick it up, I don’t care – just make it clean.” She didn’t hide the irritation that lingered from his prank, letting it lace her voice as well as her facial expression. She was irritated. He smeared her with sewage-water, made her draw him a bath, annoyed her while in said bath, took a gift early, didn’t thank her for said gift, then played her feelings like tangents (unknowingly, but still), and now he was eating her food and leaving a big mess to top it all off.

“Yer crabby,” Natsu mumbled, crumbs flying out of his mouth like they were fleeing from his stinky breath.

“You’ve been annoying,” Lucy simply stated. “Look, I’ve cleaned you up, you’ve had some food, let’s just go back to the guild. I’ll…” she already regretted what she was about to say, “... clean this stuff up later.”

She rested her hand on her hip as she let out a tired sigh. If she stayed in this mess she’d get a headache, no doubt.

“Nah. Let’s take a walk.”

Natsu sprung up from his seat and was standing in the hallway, putting on his sandals, before Lucy even had time to blink. Still, when her brain caught up with his words, she didn’t bother protesting – she didn’t mind taking a walk. The guild was just an excuse to get him out of her apartment after all.

“Alright. Sure, let’s walk.”

The air outside felt nice and crisp as they stepped out from the front port. Lucy had thrown on a jacket, thinking that the February weather would make her temperature drop too quickly otherwise, but she didn’t have to worry about that. Natsu was plenty warm for both of them. She took a deep breath in, finding more pleasure in the air now that Natsu didn’t stink of poop.

“Hey, look! The sun is out.”

Winters weren’t harsh in Magnolia, but there came years where the sun rarely peeked out from behind the clouds at all for months. This year had been like that; the snow had started falling late in November, continuing to mercilessly pack on during December and January. Sure, the sun might have blessed Magnolia with its warm rays a couple of times, but Lucy must have been away on missions, because she could swear that this was the first time she’d felt the sun against her skin in months. 

“One day I’ll taste it.”

Hadn’t Natsu said it so dreamily, Lucy would have laughed. For some reason though, she actually related to his words – in a much less literal sense of course.

“Yeah, one day.” It was about as realistic as finding out if fairies had tails, but dreaming didn’t hurt. She hooked her arm to Natsu’s and started walking. “So where did you want to go?”

“I dunno…” Natsu thought for a second. “Just wanted to walk around. We haven’t done that in a while.”

While he said he didn’t know where he wanted to go, he still decided on the direction to take. They walked through new blocks, some that they rarely went through due to the lack of shops. The estates in that area were beautiful – somehow Lucy felt like she had been missing out. She really wasn’t enough of a tourist in Magnolia. Today was the perfect opportunity to make up for that though, as the sun still stood high in the blue sky, and Natsu and Lucy had what felt like all the time in the world to stroll around, looking at the small wonders around them.

When the alleys between apartment blocks disappeared, the shops appeared in their place. All kinds of shops – some with beautiful, delicate looking pastries, some stands selling little bars of soap, the smell of which spread out over the entire street. They passed flower shops, street food stands, a couple of coffee shops, and near the river the most beautiful handmade jewelry shop. Lucy, who insisted she’d been good to save money on all the previously mentioned stands, couldn’t resist stopping at this one.

“Oh, Natsu, look at this necklace… It’s beautiful!” She pointed to a necklace, delicate with a gold coloured chain and a gorgeous pendant in the shape of a star. It was simple, but had clear marks that showed its handmade quality. Rough, almost raw. Only when Natsu pulled away Lucy’s hand from his arm, did she notice the hard grip she held him with.

The woman in the stand smiled warmly.

“I made that one many years ago, to an old friend of mine. She passed away before it was finished, and it’s never sold since then. You remind me a bit of her. You have the same eyes.” The wrinkles around the lady’s mouth made her seem kind – like she’d spent so much time smiling that her joy had made a permanent mark in her face. Lucy was starry eyed. So filled with awe that she couldn’t make out any words. She was glad to hear her partner speak up for her.

“It’s nice. It would fit ya’, Lucy. How much do ya’ sell it for, Granny?” Lucy didn’t bother telling Natsu off for his impoliteness. The shopkeeper didn’t seem to mind the nickname, and it was rare for her to hear compliments from Natsu. A beautiful piece of jewelry like that, fitting Lucy? Flattery took him far.

“Normally I’d try to get 30’000J for it, as it carries too much emotional value to let it go too easily… But for you, my dear? 10’000.”

Lucy’s mouth fell open.

“No, ma’am, you couldn’t possibly give it so cheap. Let me pay full price, please.” Her protest was made in respect for the handcraft, but the woman shook her head firmly.

“You can try to give me more for it, but I won’t let you.” She picked up the necklace and put it in a small mesh bag. “I’ll simply give the money back. I wanted this piece to go to a good owner, and I trust that you’ll care for it.”

Lucy tried to protest more, but this time Natsu cut her off.

“Whatcha complaining ‘bout? You’re not the one payin’ for it either way. But Granny, I’ll give ya’ 15’000J, no less. Can’t be a proud Fairy Tail wizard if I’m rippin’ ya’ off.”

Before Lucy could stop them, the exchange had been made. Natsu was trying to sneak in another 5’000J, but the lady stood firm. Before the mood became unpleasant, Lucy gave her her deepest thanks and dragged Natsu along so they could make their leave.

“How nice to be young and in love… Lucy, was that your name? You’ve caught a good one.” This time Lucy’s protest fell out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Oh, no, he’s not-! We’re not… like that…” Her blush got deeper as she stuttered. “Natsu’s a friend!”

This time it was Natsu’s turn to drag them away. The shopkeeper only held back laughter as he and Lucy walked out of sight.

“It’s gonna be an awfully long day if you’re gonna explain that to everyone,” he pointed out. 

Lucy looked at him, still tinted pink from the embarrassment. If a normal person, someone who wasn’t Natsu, had said this to her, they probably would have said it with meaning behind it. Something along the lines of ‘I don’t mind being in a ‘relationship’ if it’s with you’ or ‘I take offence at the insinuation that I’d be so terrible to be in a relationship with’. But as she tried to understand the face he made, she didn’t see any of that. He didn’t mind being ‘just a friend’. Of course he didn’t, being friends was the best thing they could be in his mind – and after all, they are friends. Best friends even. Still, a small part of her hoped that the small scowl that showed in his face was due to feelings deeper than friendship. Though, her brain told her it was merely the sun blinding him, so she just hooked her arm with his again and let him continue their walk.

For around 10 minutes they walked by the river. Lucy doubted Natsu actually wanted to take this way, but she wanted to do her little routine, balancing on the brick wall as the sun slowly moved closer to the horizon. A familiar voice made for a pleasant surprise.

“Hey miss Lucy! You better be careful today, the water's cold and the wall’s slippery!” It was one of the men that brought in smaller shipments of fish through their river boat that had made his voice heard. His friend chimed in.

“Better hold on tight to your boyfriend there! Catch her before she falls, would you, sir Natsu?”

His assumption made her slip as she once again tried to argue against the boyfriend-claims. Before she actually lost her balance though, she felt Natsu’s steady hand grab on to her.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Lucy squealed. Though, she sure was happy he caught her before she fell. The clucking laughter echoed between the walls of the river bank as the boatmen enjoyed the self fulfilling scene.

“Have a nice date you two!”

“We’re not on a date!”

She tried to counter their claims again, but they were soon too far away to bother talking any sense to. Only the slight pull from Natsu’s hand brought her attention back to the two of them.

“Ya’ really gonna fall one day if ya’ keep this up,” he smirked. Lucy pouted a little – she just couldn’t help it. She liked talking to the sailors, and it was a creative way to make a long walk home shorter. But she usually did avoid it when it was close to freezing. The dangers of icy cold water weren’t something to just shrug off. But today? With the sun shining, the ground looking dry, and Natsu as a space heater right beside her? She supposed she got cocky.

Finally, she jumped off the ledge and got her feet back onto the street. She didn’t go out of her way to drop Natsu’s hand, and seemingly neither did he. It was a rare occurrence, but sometimes they ended up holding hands. A drunken walk home after a late night with the guild, or just a silent drop off at Lucy’s place before Natsu took a sleeping Happy home to their cottage. When she thought about it though, they’d never held hands in broad daylight before. To keep their intimacy secret, only having the mild moonlight revealing their tender touch, was one thing. But to show it off to the sun, to the world? Lucy couldn’t stop her heart from racing even if she tried. Unimportant worries filled her brain like annoying flies. Was her hand sweaty? Was her face blushing too red? Was he listening to her heartbeat? Was he aware of the level of intimacy this was? That they were displaying their oddly close friendship to the world, and that their touches weren’t only between them, the moon, and the fluffy sheets in her bed at night, when she pretended she was asleep as he cuddled close?

“Breathe.”

Lucy wasn’t sure she’d heard him at first, as the word was spoken so quietly it could just as well have been merely a breath. Then he tilted his head slightly towards her, tightened his grip on her hand, and said it again:

“Breathe.”

A big exhale followed by a slow inhale made Lucy realise that she, in fact, hadn’t been breathing. When had she stopped? Well, so many thoughts had been going through her head that she’d simply forgotten to. An easy mistake in her opinion, though it made her kind of dizzy. She was glad that she had Natsu to hold onto. Broad and steady, grounded in their slow stroll towards the park. If he were to drop her hand right now, she was sure she’d lose her balance completely, fall on her face even. But he held on to her, like a warm, unwavering anchor.

With oxygen making its way back in her lungs, Lucy dared to speak.

“Aren’t you getting hungry? I could go for a bite.” A well-timed rumble made itself heard from Natsu’s stomach, drawing out a hearty giggle from Lucy.

“Man, I could eat a horse.”

“Would a couple of hotdogs suffice for a while?” Lucy pointed towards the small cart in front of them with her free hand. It wasn’t the most nutritious option, but it was food and it was close.

“I’ll need at least 6!” He almost looked offended, but a smirk appeared in the corner of his lips before she took him seriously. Not that he’d been joking about the amount of hotdogs – those he really did need in numbers. He would probably need twice that amount to even begin to feel full, if this wasn’t just a snack.

At the cart, Lucy began to order.

“Hello! May we order 7 hotdogs, please? All condiments.” She showed him a polite smile. She didn’t always like how meak her voice got when she spoke as a customer, but with Natsu backing her up she knew she didn’t need to feel bothered by it. If anyone tried to rip her off he’d be quick to… negotiate.

“Seven? Yer sure a hungry one!” A hearty laugh boomed out from his chest. “And for the lad? Hoho!” Before Lucy could correct the man, he’d already started scooping up the hot dogs from the warm water bath they rested in. “A word of advice for ya’ son – don’t be givin’ the lass hotdogs on a date. Ain’t proper.”

What was with the residents of Magnolia today? The jewelry seller, the boat men, and now a hotdog vendor? Lucy didn’t want wizard-fame to go over her head, but surely they all knew the two of them? Lucy Heartfilia, celestial mage of Fairy Tail, and Natsu Dragneel, the fire dragon slayer, the Salamander? Sorcerer's Weekly had covered their relationship status for ages – sure, they always made sneaky remarks of ‘secret relationships’ and hopes for something more than just friendship, but they always debunked the same thing: that they were just friends. Dates and boyfriends? It still felt further away from Lucy’s reality than another visit to Edolas.

But before she had a chance to rebuttal, Natsu opened his mouth to speak.

“Yeah, tell me ‘bout it. I’ll take her on a proper date next time.” He rubbed his neck as he let out an embarrassed chuckle.

Lucy’s mouth was left hanging open as the two of them snickered. Was Natsu acting… bashful? Was he even acting? She knew better than to pretend like she could read Natsu’s mind by now, he was one of the most unpredictable persons she’d ever met, but surely she knew him well enough to understand if this was a joke or not? But a small spark of hope acted as a shield, hindering her from asking. Because if it wasn’t a joke, if Natsu really thought that the two of them going on this walk was a date – well, was she really ready to reject him?

She didn’t know how to answer that yet. So she closed her gaping mouth, hung on to Natsu’s big hand, and stayed silent. Natsu and the vendor were making idle small talk, but Lucy couldn’t find it in her heart to join in. Her mind was racing. Natsu wasn’t the romantic type; he smelled of sewage, his favourite way to pass time was to prank people, and his top three concepts in the world were 1. Food, 2. Fighting, and 3. A talking blue cat. He didn’t think about romance the way Lucy did. He found his emotional satisfaction from being with his friends, with the guild, and, well, with Lucy. So realistically, Lucy shouldn’t take this as a sign of anything. She had made peace with his lack of interest years ago – he had always just been her Natsu, and that was okay. More than okay, it was good: perfect even.

But there it was – the small glint of hope that had managed to keep Lucy’s fear of rejection at bay for all these years. This time in the form of a chatty remark at a hotdog vendor’s off-hand comment. Other times known as a rainbow cherry tree floating down the canal, the call of her name every time he feared that she was in danger, a hand helping her up to see the perfect views of the stars, the heavy arm leaning on her for support during his toughest times, and the small air of flirtiness that saturated the air between them when their faces were close enough. The sign that her hope had something to hang on to. That there was something more than just coincidental romantic gestures between Natsu and Lucy – that there was meaning behind it.

By the time Lucy came back from the thoughts swirling around inside of her, the hotdogs were ready to go, and already halved in numbers Natsu.

“He was nice! Funny old man.”

Lucy nodded.

“Yeah, he was great. Really kind.” She realised that her voice didn’t carry the same weight it usually did. She almost sounded shaky, like all the air had been pushed out of her. Before Natsu asked, she cleared her throat and spoke up again with more power. “So, what do you want to do now? We’ve seen half the town.”

Natsu had a puzzled face as he looked at her. Maybe Lucy couldn’t read Natsu very well, but Natsu could sniff out Lucy’s emotions before she even knew them herself. He read her like a book – ironic, when he was the actual book, in a literal sense.

“We could watch the sunset.”

Was she really being delusional for sensing something similar to romance between them today? A sunset. And then what, gaze at the stars? Kiss under the moonlight? The thought intensified her small blush.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s do that.”

She wasn’t sure why her first guttural instinct was to fight it, reject it. She wanted to do all these romantic things. Like, really wanted to. She just didn’t know what to brace herself for: the humiliation of rejection, her senses being wrong and Natsu not having any romantic intentions behind his actions at all, or the emotional vulnerability of a confession – that there was something more going on today. She didn’t know; and it scared her, not knowing. Life with Fairy Tail had never been predictable, but in a way, Natsu’s stoic, yet reliably silly character, was the one thing she could always lean on. No matter Lucy’s odd antics, freaking out at her chest being exposed, crying from thankful nostalgia, laughing at Natsu’s jokes, or getting angry when he trashed her apartment; no matter what she threw his way, he always reacted the same. He’d brush any embarrassment off and then tell a joke to turn her frown upside down. Reliable.

The park bench they found would have been cold and humid if it weren’t for Natsu’s magic. He had dried up the spot for them, even heated it up a little, and then they sat down to finish the food. The sun hung lower in the sky, and in Lucy’s peripheral she could see the moon sneaking a peak at the sunset itself, ghostly faint against the pale blue sky. She clung close to Natsu, as the longer shadows also meant cooler breezes. The temperature was dropping rapidly, and she briefly remembered that she should have brought in some wood for her stove.

“Nice day.”

“Poop-incident aside,” Lucy agreed. She hesitated for a moment, but soon found her head resting against Natsu’s shoulder. “Thanks for treating me today.”

“Oh, that’s right,” he dug through a pocket on his jacket that still smelled like her fabric softener, “I forgot to give you this.”

The mesh bag that the jewelry maker had given him was now hanging from the grip between his thumb and his pointer. The contours of the pile of gold-plated metal were strong in the backlight of the sun, but she could still clearly see the shine reflect through the mesh of the fabric. He dropped it into her open palm and watched as she carefully undid the scrunch. Holding the necklace up in the increasingly golden light of the sunset made it look like it was glowing. Like there was a fire within, waiting to burst out from the five points of the star pendant.

“It really is beautiful,” she breathed. “But I can’t accept it, Natsu. It’s too nice, what if I lose it or drop it or-” Natsu cut her off.

“Well who else is gonna wear it, weirdo? Ya’ won’t catch me or Happy with it. And as I said, it fits ya’. Take it.”

When she turned to look at him her breath got caught in her throat. Golden hour. Natsu was more handsome than she’d ever seen him before. Lips turned in a soft smile, dark eyes pointing all his attention to her. She wasn’t sure how long he’d been looking at her, but it seemed like ages. Like he’d admired her from a distance for centuries, like a human admiring a God. Her heart rate picked up, though not in the unpleasant way that made her prepare herself to fight off monsters on missions. It raced in a good way, the way that made adrenaline addictive and roller coasters exhilarating. She felt alive.

“Thanks.” She wasn’t sure if he noticed, but her voice was laced with love. Pure and whole, filling her chest to the point that she had to look away before it spilled over and she threw herself on him in a passionate kiss.

He took the chain from her hands and undid the clasp.

“Turn around.”

She obliged, knowing what he was about to do. Except, knowing didn’t help avoid the sparkly sensation that electrocuted her skin once his hot hands moved her hair aside though, grazing the nape of her neck in the movement. She wasn’t sure if she’d imagined her light gasp, as he didn’t pay her skittish reactions any attention. His focus seemed to be on the necklace, as he had to dry his hands against the fabric on his pants multiple times to get a better grip on the tiny hook. She knew the struggle, so she didn’t rush him.

When he finally managed to get the chain secured on her neck, he rested his hands on her shoulders. She was just about to sneak a peek at him when he rested his forehead to the dip right between her neck and her shoulder. Maybe she tensed up – it wouldn’t surprise her if she did – but her attention was tuned to Natsu only. The slow, long breaths that cued her in on the fact that he was smelling her, and the sensation of his hands clasping the fabric of her jacket. She wasn’t sure how to react or what to say, so once again, she said nothing. She just waited, hoping that Natsu would have figured out the words to explain what he’d been doing.

But as he picked up his head and Lucy turned back around, he stayed silent. Watching her, studying her face. Perhaps he was searching for any sign of rejection or disgust, none of which Lucy could muster up even if her life was on the line.

Then, finally, he spoke.

“You’re golden.”

Lucy almost thought it was she who had said it. Natsu’s skin in the deep, orange glow that was cooling by the second, the sunlit shine in his eyes, the reflections in his hair – but it wasn’t she who had said it. The words were Natsu’s.

“Your hair, it’s like a waterfall of liquid gold,” he clarified. Then he let out a small chuckle, and Lucy found herself joining in.

As the warm laughter faded, Lucy’s breath evened out, the moment stretching between them like a held note. Lucy carefully cuddled closer again. The sun had dipped below the horizon, and all that was left was a dim blue hue over the landscape. The dusk brought a gorgeous sparkle as the moisture in the air crystallised into frost, making the beige grass look dusted with sugar. She wasn’t fond of the cold, it brought back memories from her first year after running away from her father, when she still didn’t have enough money to sleep inside. The frosty winter nights were the worst, yet another night just like that was falling around them, and Lucy felt as warm and toasty as she would in bed at home. Natsu was a blessing in every sense of the word.

“Not too shabby for a date, eh?”

His words cut through the silence of the evening.

“It was a date?” She felt stupid asking, but she felt the urgent need to clarify. “You called it a walk before.”

His right arm took her into a tight half hug. She glanced up at him, and to her dismay he was looking goofy and playfully childish, like the sun had brought any overflow of handsomeness with it below the horizon. Was he messing with her?

“That was the plan,” he explained. “A walk to get your mind off of stuff. Ya’ seemed tense. Crabby.” She rolled her eyes, but he continued. “But then the mood got good, don’t ya’ think? So I rolled with it. Ya’ got a pretty necklace out of it. And a hotdog.”

He poked a finger in the side of her stomach to lure out a giggle, which he immediately succeeded at.

“So, what…” she got out in between the fits of giggles, “it was just an accidental date?” She was still smiling, but she raised a questioning eyebrow. Was it all just a chance? Would he have kept it as a normal hanging out session if the shopkeepers hadn’t been in a romantic mood? She wouldn’t feel offended exactly, just… disappointed. It might be selfish, but she wanted him to want her.

His finger became still and she watched as he looked away from her. It wasn’t light enough for her to properly tell, but his ears looked… reddish. Was he blushing? Her heart skipped at the small ray of hope.

“Well… if ya’ didn’t want it to be a date, it doesn’t have to be.”

Lucy poked her head forward, tilted it to see his face clearer. Was he giving her an easy way out if she wanted to reject him? If that was the case, didn’t that mean that Natsu actually wanted it to be a date?

“It was a date,” she decided, hurried before he took it back. He glanced back at her, boyishly happy with her choice.

“Yeah?” He gave her a sheepish, cocky even, smile.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “but next time you gotta tell me ahead of time. I would have picked a better outfit.” She chuckled. Natsu let an eyebrow raise as his lips crooked in a mischievous manner.

“The outfit with the bra was kinda good,” he teased. Lucy just smacked his arm playfully.

“Calm down stallion, I have a cheekier stash. For actual dates.”

“Wait, you do?”

Lucy stifled a laugh as she stood up from the warm park bench. She’d been half joking – the sexiest lingerie she owned was stuff he’d seen a long time ago, just tucked away in a box in the attic since dates weren’t a common occurrence. But it was tempting to buy some new stuff – you never know what the future might hold.

“Come on, let’s go home.” She reached out her hand to help him stand up, but when he stood on his feet he didn’t let go of her.

“Oi, how have ya’ kept that a secret?” He playfully leaned his weight on her, making her stumble as they slowly made their way home.

“Not. Telling.”

The path ahead was dimly lit, but with Natsu’s warmth beside her, Lucy didn’t mind the chill. His grip on her hand was firm, like he had no intention of letting go – she certainly didn’t want him to. A few minutes of silence passed, the only sound being of the low chattering spilling out from a rogue bar on the way, and the gravel beneath their feet. Then Natsu spoke again.

“Still not tellin’?” he prodded again, his voice teasing.

Lucy smirked, leaning into him just enough to make him stumble in return.

“Nope. Guess you’ll just have to take me on another date to find out.”

He huffed a laugh, his thumb brushing over her knuckles.

“Deal.”

And just like that, they walked home. The moon had risen high, yet the stirring of people on the street gave away that midnight wouldn’t arrive for some time. Playful banter made their laughter carry through the frost-kissed air as they took the leisurely stroll towards Strawberry Street. Between Natsu and Lucy, the only thing indicating that the night had turned cold was the clouds of breath escaping their mouths. She felt so comfortable.

No, he didn’t regret his year away, but he knew he had betrayed Lucy. He had missed her every day, but he never made an effort to reach out again, because he knew that the second he allowed himself to feel homesick he’d run back to Lucy without a second thought. Even Happy knew — none of them mentioned her much; the guilt weighed too heavy. He wondered how he could feel so content in his choice of action, while also deeply regretting it at the same time. How could anyone know what was right when something felt so complex?

While Lucy was away at this mission — one that would only last a couple of days at most, she had promised him — Natsu couldn’t stop himself from breaking into her apartment on Strawberry Street. He needed something to remind her that she wasn’t going anywhere. If that something had to be staring at the milk in her fridge, a reminder that she was coming back, then so be it. But as he looked at the number of cardboard boxes in her living room, all filled with things that were meant to be on display on a shelf, or in closets waiting to be used in rotation as the season changed from summer to autumn, he noticed a cold, snowballing sensation in his chest.

It had already gotten dark out, and few lamps were plugged in so Natsu didn’t bother turning any on. The wallpaper wasn’t that warm, peachy pink anymore. Well, it technically was, but it all looked grey, dull, and it smelled dusty. He came here to ease the worries in his mind, but really, it seemed like the apartment was having opposite effects. Nothing was right. It didn’t smell like Lucy’s home — not one scented candle had been lit in almost a year, no meticulous scrubbing of the hardwood floor with that apple-scented dish soap had been done, the bathroom lacked that smell of her shampoo, fabric softener from her towels, and the minty toothpaste that Natsu hadn’t washed away in the sink after he’d brushed his teeth before illicitly spending the night.

Never had the scent of neutral stung so badly in Natsu’s nostrils. He hated it. He let his fingers drag across the fireplace. Dust, dust, more dust. That fireplace had been cold for so long, and it was his fault. He strained his brain trying to get himself to remember that he didn’t actually do anything wrong. He didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t like he had mated with Lucy; he was allowed to make his own life choices. That didn’t mean the sour sensation in his stomach lessened though.

With a heavy sigh, he sacked down into Lucy’s couch. Before long his leg started shaking, and he had to stand up again and pace around the room before it drove him mad. Did she hate him for leaving? He knew she wasn’t happy about it, but did the frustration root so deeply that it couldn’t be saved? Was that what she was doing now; taking her distance before Natsu fell into a normal daily rhythm with her again?

When his foot knocked over a stack of cardboard boxes he swore under his breath. 

“Shit,” he mumbled, dropping down on his knees to scoop up the content. Stacks of paper had spread across the floor, and curiosity won before a battle against the thought of him respecting her privacy had even begun.

Letters.

What he had bunched together was letters. Sealed, but not signed. Could it be letters to her mother? Perhaps she had started writing them to her father too, now that he had died. Natsu felt like he shouldn’t intrude, but his hands moved on his own, warming the glue that held down the flap. If it was too private he could put it back without her noticing.

For some reason, his hands shook when he unfolded the paper.

February 17th. Take nothing for granted.

He turned over the paper twice. That was all it said. Nothing about who it was for, no context. Something felt wrong, compelling him to open another letter. He accidentally ripped a part of the envelope, but his heart raced too much to care. What had happened while he was gone? This was almost 7 months after he had left to train. Seven. Why was it always seven?

February 17th. I don’t count the days anymore, but yes, I often think about you. I have thought of a million things to tell you, but when I hold the pen in my hand, I can’t remember what they were. Do you think about me?

Natsu read the page over and over. Another letter that echoed a mostly empty page, practically blinding him despite the dim light. At least his legs had stopped shaking and itching. Now it was his brain that was working overtime, filling up with questions faster than he could even register them enough to begin to answer them. He saw that the letter had been written the same day though. Was it possible that this was the date Natsu had left, only seven months later? He couldn’t remember. Why had she taken time to seal two letters on the same day? And such short ones — did they carry so much emotional weight that she couldn’t continue writing on the same paper before she banned her writing to paper-thin concealment?

He ripped the next one open, no longer caring about hiding any traces of him invading her privacy.

February 17th. I wrote endless letters to you in my mind. It consumes me, so today I pour my heart out. Tomorrow I will wear my nice shirt and no one will see how you have infiltrated my brain, but today the ink will flow. I love you madly and miss you madly.

Natsu’s heart raced.

“I love you madly…” he repeated in a soft whisper, barely hearing himself over the blood rushing around in his body. Now, realistically, the letters could have been to anyone. Nothing in written text indicated that it was words specifically aimed towards Natsu — still, for once in his life he felt like he finally understood what that ‘reading between the line’s business was all about. He knew Lucy. He knew her a year ago, he knew her today, he would know her in a hundred years. If he one day layed with dementia on a bed in a sterile room, he would always know one thing: Her. Always, always her.

And that meant that he understood that this was about him. No name-dropping needed. He read the letters again, rearranged them in his hands. Which had she written first? Surely they weren’t written in the order he had read them. But perhaps it didn’t matter. Though, the first letter was undeniably the one that unsettled him the most. “Take nothing for granted”, sure, he could understand that on a personal level — but what was it Lucy couldn’t take for granted? Natsu? It would have made sense, but something told him that it wasn’t the only thing on her mind as she wrote it.

Maybe another letter would tell him the answer? He rummaged the blank envelopes, not sure where to pick from now that they all had mixed together. He grabbed a handful and ripped the top one open.

February 25th. You lost your way. I think I did too. It’s not terribly scary — I just wish we were lost together. How are you? Can I gather courage to contact you? I have paced the post office, clutched these papers until they wrinkle. The workers tried comforting me, and I left mid-sentence. I ran. But there is nothing else I can do; I have gradually lost sight of all other human beings, can only see you, and you are so distressed.

This solidified his theory of the letters being dedicated to him. She understood him, she always did — she knew what Igneel had meant to him, and she saw his reasoning as real and grounded. Kind, warm Lucy Heartfilia. He wanted to be comforted by her acknowledgement, but her grace brought just as much guilt as relief. If Natsu had stayed, he would have harmed himself — by leaving, he harmed Lucy. He swallowed hard.

When he turned the page over, he saw that it, to his surprise, wasn’t empty. It continued, as a separate entry.

February 26th. Better consciousness of myself. The beating of my heart more as I would wish it.

That was all. Natsu didn’t need to open more letters to know that this was her last entry. He wondered what she had thought about that week. 17th to 26th. It must have been tough on her. She had carried the entire guild on her shoulders, been so close to them, yet so far — his mind threw him back a couple of days, to when he saw her wall of maps and records of the guild’s whereabouts. All of that, and somehow there were only letters to Natsu.

“The beating of my heart more as I would wish it.” She must have been referencing how her heart had been breaking; perhaps racing in momentary panic, or slowing down, matching the snail-like ticking of her clock. Time passed too slowly when she was all alone. Natsu remembered his own experience with sorrow. Even during his year away he found his bones aching and moaning, waiting for the months to pass.

He leaned back on the still too dusty floor and let himself reflect on the letters again. February. The greyest, coldest month. Memories of colourful leaves on the trees and Christmas cheer, far, far away — and spring and all the signs of new life spring would bring, feeling unattainable. Did Natsu’s absence echo too loudly when his fire was too long gone for her to remember the sensation of it? Had she dried her hair after going home in a rainstorm and wondered where her happy days had gone? He didn’t know many details about her past, but the grey ceiling he looked up at must have been just as oppressing in the Heartfilia mansion. Empty from life, empty from death — Jude locked in his office, Layla six feet under cold wet mud. Servants would move in the shadows, and Lucy would gaze across the monochrome rooms. A fireplace in every room — none lit in years, maybe eons for all she knew.

Guilt. How could he make up for taking part in yet another abandonment in her life? He knew how soul-sucking getting deserted was, having lived it. He pocketed the letters he had opened and put away the mess as he thought about it. He had already brought the guild back for her, made them reunite so he could make her joyous smile return to her face. He had used his actions to convey that he had come back to stay — but maybe that was exactly it;

A vow.

He would vow to never let her walk lonely, never let her fight alone. He swore he would do everything in his power to let her apartment stay alive, the fireplace always lit, far from the reminders of an empty konzern from her past. Her tummy would always be full, her mind always creative, her memories full of adventures, and her heart would always be filled with hope and belief that she would experience many future ones. And he vowed to protect her, if he so had to die doing it. She loved him madly, and madly he loved her back.

He stood up and stretched, chest feeling lighter as he took a deep breath in. Glanced around the room again. It still gave him the creeps how little Lucy it felt, despite containing pretty much all her belongings, but at least now he could look past the suffocating atmosphere. He was going to beat Zeref, take down Acnologia, and create a world where Lucy could unapologetically live.

The letters crinkled in his pants as he hunched to get through the window. She had left it unlocked, despite only recently having moved back in. As long as she cracked that window for him, he would always make sure she knew he was there to take care of her. Her secret sign that she wanted him there. She accepted his presence, even after betrayal and being left behind. He was thankful.

The air was cool against his skin, despite it being mid-July. Somewhere flowers were blooming, filling the night with an intoxicating, calming perfume. He made a mental note to ask her which one.

Oh, and one more vow; to never write her another note. He would never let her relive this year; no more departures, no more abandonment. From now on he would always face her. That was his promise.

__________

He never wanted to leave this moment. Chronological timeline in all honour, but endless hours, repeating the silent breaths between the two of them over and over again, seemed much more appealing. He would spend lifetimes observing her if he could. The limited time ahead of him was in no way enough — he wanted to memorise the map of her DNA, the way her cells divided and dedicated themselves to keeping her alive.

Natsu didn’t know the words to tell her. No words would suffice — she deserved perfectly composed lyrics, laced with the intoxicating ecstasy that she filled him with, and then some. But he barely had enough words in his vocabulary to call her pretty, and much less the patience to spell it.

He could still say things to her though. Nothing meaningful of course. A weak statement, a bare proposal of something earthly. But perhaps that was blessing enough.

Reining in the galloping heart in his chest, he swallowed hard and gathered courage to touch her — letting the palm of his hand lightly graze the impossibly soft skin of her arm, tracing it upwards to where she was painting the heaven with complicated constellations. He moved his head closer to hers, feeling the prickly grass poke at his cheek, lining up their eyes for more accuracy. Then he moved her hand upwards, and a bit to the left, landing on a big, almost orange-y flaming, raging star that looked like it was storming towards them in a fiery fury.

“And that one,” he whispered, so softly it barely counted as a breath, “what’s that one called?”

Lucy spoke with clear conviction when she answered. “It’s called Antares. It’s often referred to as the big ruby in Scorpio’s heart, though I’m sure the man himself aided that rumor.” The giggle that rang out could have healed the most life-threatening disease — Natsu was certain of it. “Its name comes from an ancient language, and an ancient civilization, where they considered the star the ‘rival of Ares’ or ‘Anti-Ares’, due to its reddish hue and brightness. Apparently the colours are reminiscent of the planet Mars, which one of the countries at the time named after their god of war, Ares. In some interpretations, Antares is also considered a rival to Orion, the hunter, as they are opposite each other in the sky.”

Lucy slowly brought their hands over the colossal firmament, pointing at the other constellation in question.

Natsu wanted her to talk about the stars all night, and the clouds all day. Then, if the heavens aligned, they could rinse, wash, repeat. But he didn’t know what to say right now — he could only let his eyelids weigh heavy as he repositioned their hands in the air, feeling her soft fingertips against his mortal skin. How he wrinkled compared to her, and how he dirtied her bright complexion, bringing mud, scars, and heavy moans of regret to the picture in front of them.

Still, he wouldn’t remove his hand if he so had a gun pointed towards his head. The likeness of him, caressing the etherious of her — an event so unlikely that stars surely had been burned up to make it happen. He didn’t mind — he’d let the universe burn if it meant he could spend another minute beside her.

So, to honour the stars that had given their lives in order for him to meet her, he let his thumb caress the back of her hand. The bright pink emblem, painted on like a mural, made him beam with pride. Fairy Tail — the place she belonged before she even knew it existed. How many times had their paths nearly intertwined, before they met that fateful day? Ancestral intervention, all threads carefully spinned, then woven to create the cloth and canvas which they today painted with the most vibrant stories. Lucky Lucy Heartfilia and Etherious Natsu Dragneel, the products of thousands of coincidences aligned to, at the end of the day, make them simply Natsu and Lucy. Lucy and Natsu. Victorious sculptures, radiating the pinnacle of trust — a bond historians would study for eons to come.

Perhaps stars didn’t burn up for them to meet. Perhaps their interactions was what birthed new stars — little glowing balls of hope, snowballing into the otherworldly wonders that rivalled gods. Maybe, in some inconspicuous way, Natsu and Lucy were it. The meaning of life, the definition of paradise, the feeling of reaching nirvana. Mankind created wars, the concept of hell, all because the average person would never achieve this sensation. Lying on a bed of soft grass in the meadow with the moon a spotlight, highlighting the woman that was worth it all.

Soft against his calloused hand, cool against his burning touch. He caressed her fingers again. It was a comfortable, lukewarm sensation. Water in a lake, just cool enough to refresh an exhausted, dimmed mind, but plenty warm to want to linger. For her, this was just another Friday night. For Natsu, it might as well have been the day of creation — the most important moment of existence.

“You’re warm,” Lucy commented, voice softer now than when she was talking about the stars. Natsu watched as she laced their fingers together, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“You’re… perfect.”

The words slipped out of his mouth before he even registered them in his mind. His heart started racing, jumping around between the walls in his ribcage like a nervous animal. Had it been weird of him to say? It was fairly unprompted from her point of view — though he hoped she somewhere deep inside always knew that he thought of her that way.

Slowly, he glanced back at her, only to be met by those huge doe eyes, her face so close their noses touched. She was smiling, eyes relaxed in an assuring expression. Beautiful. Their hands fell down in the small space between them, resting on the cool ground. The braided fingers stayed the same though — clutching on to the other in a desperate attempt to stay close. Then, Lucy reached out to him with her other hand. Softly, she cupped his cheek — one that was surely bright red under the tan — and felt the bulges and crevices that made out Natsu’s sculpted form.

She was observing him. It was dark out, so it was natural that she wanted to know him closer. See him in her mind, how the stubble of his beard prickled, how his scars gave dimension, how his muscles contracted and relaxed as he smiled under the touch of her hand.

The feather light touching on his skin was one thing. It was her way her eyes searched through him that touched his soul. Natsu had heard about the clichés so many times they had lost all meaning, but tonight he rediscovered what they meant. The eyes truly are the windows to her soul — a cosmic ocean, where cascading waves of thoughts and emotions formed the essence to her being. Not an ounce of apathy, not a crumb of anger. No lingering feelings of revenge, regret, dismay — completely without veils of any cloudy thoughts; her eyes told him about love.

Love, love, love. He had never understood the word. Not completely anyways. He loved lots of things, and he loved them deeply. It wasn’t that the other love he experienced wasn’t real — he just saw that the sensation that filled his chest, that spread out to his limbs and filled his entire nervous system with pure serotonin — it was something else. The truest form of it, pure and enlightening in the dark night that surrounded them.

His arm moved on its own. Mirroring Lucy’s actions, he allowed himself to touch the face of God’s masterpiece which laid before him. Moving a lock of that moonlit golden hair out of her face, fastening it behind her ear. She wasn’t wearing her earrings today, so he took the rare chance to roam the contours of it, to let his pointy finger and his thumb encapture the earlobe at the end. Soft like a lamb’s ear. Lucy’s delicate beauty was surreal.

As they breathed the same air, Natsu’s mind went dizzy in contentment. Smelling her sweetness, feeling the soft tissue on her cheeks, letting his finger make out the outline of her nose. Delicate, sure, but strong rang just as true. This face had withstanded wars that no human should have to go through — the tight skin over her old scars reminded him of that. How wondrous to be able to see her like this: pretty like a flower petal one day, and tough like tempered steel forged in fiery determination, the next.

In his daze his eyes flickered down towards her lips. Not the plumpest in the world, nor the softest. They too had scars — some from biting down mid-battle, others from chewing in concentration as she wrote the paragraphs in her novels. He traced them too with his thumb. Dead skin coming off as they were healing from last writing session, but nothing that disarrayed him. His lips were probably faring worse — though, he frankly never gave them a second thought.

With lips in mind, he found himself wetting his, only for Lucy to follow suit. Natsu’s heart, which had been flickering around in his chest for quite some time now, suddenly jumped.

He wanted to kiss her.

For some reason it hadn’t been on his mind this entire night — he was perfectly content just worshipping her until dawn, like he had done for so many years before. But with “love” still echoing in his mind, he realised that time would wait for no one. Feeling gratified with the limited access he had granted himself to this woman over the years was only acceptable for so long. Truth was, he needed her — craved her so deeply he wanted to taste every crevice in her mouth, feel every inch of her skin against his. And looking into the infinitely dark eyes in front of him, he dared to believe she would let him.

The pull between them was magnetic — Natsu wasn’t sure who closed in on who. All he knew was that he barely dared breathing, and that their noses pressed significantly harder against each other by the second. He slanted his head the smallest degree, and suddenly there they were — foreheads touching, noses parallel parked, and their hot breaths signalling that they were millimetres away from their first kiss. The briefest nudge forward, and their lips would be touching.

So that’s what he did. His mouth brushed against hers with a ticklish, feathery lightness — so delicate that they could still feel the wind weaving between them whenever it stirred. For a moment, Natsu let himself hover there. His eyes were already closed, so all that remained were the tactile impressions: the soft, barely existing contact of their lips. His senses were so heightened that even the smallest movement — the shaky breath, the motionless touch — sent electric jolts coursing through his veins.

The tentative restraint made him grow increasingly impatient. What began as something delicate and almost reverent, was shifting into tension, winding tight just beneath his skin. Stuck in a freeze frame at this moment of time. For a split second he considered pulling away, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. Her lips were right there, warm so close — but not enough. Not nearly enough. He wanted to move, deepen it, press in until the space between them was obliterated. The kiss hovered like a question mark, and Natsu suddenly hated how careful he was being. He never did things halfway. Not when it came to her. And this was starting to feel like holding his breath underwater. He needed more: he needed her so badly it made his teeth ache, made his bones writhe inside of him.

So he leaned in, just a fraction closer, and that was all it took. The world tilted on its axis, just slightly — not enough to throw him, just enough to make him feel like he’d finally entered the moment he’d been waiting for his entire life. A moment that had been in his prayers in coded subtitles — always there, resiliently and carefully asking the powers of fate to bring him closer to this instant. And that time was now.

Lucy’s breath caught, or maybe that was his. He didn’t know. All he knew was the way her lips yielded when he pressed in, how they parted like they’d been waiting for him. It wasn’t rough, but nor was it soft either. It was decisive, as they finally cracked the lock to the door they had been longing to open. It was the missing key, what etched their relationship into existence.

She moved with him so naturally, it might as well have been her second nature, her biological calling. Her hand continued the caressing of his cheek, but this time with more conviction — one that rubbed off on Natsu, who found himself pulling her closer by the neck. It almost felt wrong to kiss an angel like Lucy with such desperation, but on the opposing side was the intense feeling that nothing had ever felt so perfect, so aligned with fate’s woven threads.

His mouth moved slower now, not because the moment had mellowed out, but contradictory: this was the part that mattered. Her sweet, savoury taste, her breath that engulfed him as she lured him in, the tiny sound she made when he deepened it just enough to ask if she’d follow him there. Wet, warm tongues, dancing slowly between them, a temporary portal to a world where the two of them shared one mind, one soul.

Natsu hadn’t known he could kiss like this. It was slow, considerate as he finally released what he had been holding back. It was like this kiss was the only way to show her what had been lodged in his chest for years, stuck between instinct, naivety and fear. And now that it was finally rising to the surface, pouring out in the press of his mouth against hers, he didn’t know how to stop. Dear God: he didn’t want to.

When they finally parted they didn’t move far — just enough to breathe — and Natsu didn’t open his eyes right away. He couldn’t. It felt like blinking would shatter the fragile dreamlike state he was in. The moment was still suspended in the space between their lips, her breath was still brushing his skin. That alone kept him still.

His heart was a hammer now, loud in his ears and clumsy in his chest, and for the first time all night he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands. One stayed at her jaw, his thumb grazing the curve of her cheekbone, like he needed to convince himself she was still there. The other one still clinged on to her hand, as letting go of his anchor still felt unpredictable.

He felt dazed. Not in the way he sometimes got after a fight, with stars swimming behind his eyes — but in that way you feel when something significant changes and you know it, immediately, down to the bone. He’d kissed Lucy before, once or twice in dreams he barely let himself remember. But this? This was real. This was her, warm and close and kissing him back like she meant it.

He finally opened his eyes. She was already looking at him.

And god, if that didn’t undo him all over again.

Natsu noticed a faint sheen on Lucy’s lips as she parted them to speak. “You’re perfect too.”

He wasn’t sure if he dared to believe her. On one hand, he was painfully aware of the severe difference in attractiveness between the two of them. It didn’t bother him most of the time — it was simply thrown around between people’s mouths and ears as blatant facts. Lucy was the pretty one. It was as evident as the sun and the moon orbiting earth.

But on the other hand, questioning her would disrupt his entire faith — no one questions his Lucy. Her words were his law, so if she called him strong, he trained himself to move mountains, if she called him unpredictable he threw the choice of his actions to the fate of the dice, and so, when she called him perfect, what else could he do but allow himself to lean forward and press his lips against her forehead.

“Lucky Lucy in the sky,” he mumbled, his words barely audible as he moved his lips against her forehead. A giggle rang out from underneath him.

“I’m not in the sky,” she tried to counter, “I’m right here on earth. With you.”

Natsu brought some distance between them to look at her properly. Her bangs swooped to the side of her face, pink-tinted cheeks that had scrunched into balls of joy as she laughed. She probably thought he was being silly. Maybe he was silly. But if she saw herself in his eyes, she would understand what he meant.

He let his lips curl into a smile. “Yeah.”

Lucy rolled back to her previous position, returning her gaze to the stars above them. Natsu lingered though, continued taking in the contours of her profile, the soft sheen from the night sky illuminating the embodiment of beauty she was.

“Hey Luce,” said a familiar voice, which nearly scared her to death despite the soothing tone. Looking over to find the origin of the voice, she noticed Natsu lying on her couch. He had a small ball in his hand, which she assumed he was tossing (even though she had gotten onto him multiple times about it), and his signature grin was written on his face. Something bubbled in her stomach, and she wasn’t sure if it was love or the liquor. 

“Hi Natsu,” she giggled, not even bothered by the fact that he’d let himself in without her being there, “I missed you tonight.”

“I missed you, too,” he said. 

Making her way around the couch, she stumbled onto it and fell right into him. Natsu instantly wrapped his welcoming arms around her, taking her in and making her feel at home. Lucy purred as she entangled herself in his warmth, nuzzling into his neck and peppering it with light kisses. 

“You reek,” said Natsu, face contorting with slight disgust. 

Lucy lifted her head and sniffed herself, letting out a pitiful groan as she realized she smelled like straight booze. 

“Don’t worry,” Natsu reassured, rubbing her sides, “I can help you.” 

“I’d appreciate it,” Lucy said as she lazily got up, Natsu’s arms flailing back to his sides. 

He followed her to the bathroom and helped her get undressed as the steamy water ran in the tub. Now naked, Lucy entered the hot water with Natsu’s assistance and let out a sigh of satisfaction. Sinking herself into the comfort of the water, she smiled at Natsu as he sat in front of the tub with a bottle of her vanilla body wash in one hand and a loofah in the other. 

“I know you want to get into the tub with me, Natsu,” she teased. 

“Just turn around and let me wash your back, Luce.” 

Lucy pouted as he blatantly ignored her teasing. Instead of complying with him, she hurled herself in his direction and smothered him with her wet body. 

“C’mon, join me, Natsu!” she snickered, just inches away from his face. Their chests were smooshed together, along with her arms slung over his shoulders, not caring as she was actively soaking his clothes. He huffed as he removed both her from his body and his wet top. Lucy frowned as she was shunned by her boyfriend, not aware because of her drunken state that it was because she was indeed very much soaked, and not because he ‘hated her’. 

“Fine then. I didn’t know my boyfriend hates me,” she whined, tears pricking at the corners of her chocolate colored eyes. He rolled his own onyx colored eyes at her dramaticism of the situation. 

“I don’t hate you, Lucy,” he said, squirting the soap onto the loofah and rubbing it together to get it sudsy, “I just want to get you to bed as soon as possible. I know how tired you must be.” 

Lucy stopped her pouting and looked at him, lips quivering and eyes full of a newfound affection. He was right, she was exhausted. She just wanted to spend as much time with Natsu before she would eventually succumb to slumber. 

“Okay,” she said, turning and now complying with his previous request. 

“Okay,” he repeated. 

Natsu cleaned her from head to toe, making sure that there was no smelling evidence of her previous activities left on her. After, he helped her get dressed and took her to her bed. Before he let himself embrace her, he got her a glass of water and made sure she knew it was on the side table next to them.

Finally, climbing into bed, he wrapped one arm around her slender waist and pulled her into him as she adjusted her head to rest on his other arm. He sank his face into the back of her head and smelled her freshly cleaned blonde hair as she pushed her back farther into his chest. 

“Natsu?”

“Yeah, Luce?” 

“I love you.”

He felt his face heat up at her softly spoken words, even though she’d told him this multiple times before. Nonetheless, the words still made his heart flutter. He nuzzled his face into the back of her neck and left an open-mouthed kiss there while he rested his calloused hand on her stomach underneath her shirt. 

“I love you more,” he said, rubbing his thumb against her tummy lovingly. 

“Impossible,” she muttered, now dozing off. 

All he could do was chuckle in response. He knew if he were to shoot a rebuttal back at her, he’d only be speaking to himself since she would soon be fast asleep. 

As annoying as Lucy may be when she’s drunk, and as much as he hates hearing her vomit early in the morning, Natsu still appreciates these uncommon nights.

She’s drunk on liquor, he’s drunk on her.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐀𝐘 (박종성)

“you could’ve at least tried to act surprised,” jay murmurs, still hanging upside down from the fire escape, his masked face just inches from yours. you bite back a grin, watching the way his eyes crinkle through the suit’s fabric. “you’re telling me you think i didn’t recognize that voice by now?” you tease, crossing your arms with a smirk. “plus, i told you not to come around at night—it’s dangerous, remember?” he chuckles, tugging his mask up just enough to reveal his lips. “funny, i could say the same to you,” he whispers, his voice dropping as he leans closer. your breath hitches when he presses a quick kiss to your lips. "see you tomorrow, troublemaker," he says, swinging back up with one last wink.

𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 (심재윤)

“you know, i could get used to this,” you murmur, breath warm against spiderman’s suit as he holds you close on the rooftop, his arms securely wrapped around your waist. there's a smirk hidden behind his mask, and he tilts his head. “yeah? maybe i’ll stick around then,” he teases, voice just slightly lower than you remember hearing in class, but you brush it off. “yeah, maybe,” you reply, tugging at his collar. he chuckles, drawing you even closer, his thumb brushing gently against your cheek. “guess i’ll have to save you more often.” you roll your eyes, grinning. “don't push your luck, spider-boy.”

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍 (박성훈)

"you know, you're terrible at keeping secrets," you teased, crossing your arms as sunghoon dangled upside down from his web, his mask half-pulled up to reveal that smirk you’d come to adore. "oh yeah? what gave me away?" he chuckled, eyes glinting with mischief as he reached down to pull you closer. you rolled your eyes, trying not to let him see the blush on your cheeks. "maybe the fact that spiderman shows up at every single place i go? or, i dunno, the time i caught you changing on my fire escape?" his laughter bubbled up, carefree, before he leaned in, lips brushing yours. "guess i'm just drawn to trouble," he murmured against your lips. "lucky for me, trouble’s got a pretty face."

𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎 (김선우)

“are you spiderman?” you asked, raising an eyebrow as sunoo froze, eyes wide. “what? uhm, no way!, he laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck. but your gaze stayed fixed, catching the way his cheeks flushed under the dim streetlight. “right,” you smirked, crossing your arms. “then why do you always disappear the moment danger shows up?” he cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at you. “i just… have a strong sense of self-preservation?” you leaned closer, whispering, “well, if spiderman does show up, tell him i think he’s cute.” his breath hitched, and you could see the tiniest smile twitch at his lips as he mumbled, “i’ll… pass that along.”

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍 (양정원)

“is this… comfortable for you?” jungwon mumbles, upside down, mask -pulled up to reveal his pretty face. you’re barely keeping yourself from laughing, but the way he’s dangling in front of you, his eyes wide and slightly nervous, is so endearing. “you know, you don’t have to hang upside down every time we meet, right?” you tease, reaching up to brush a strand of hair off his forehead. he shrugs, lips quirking. “comes with the suit,” he whispers, leaning closer. your heart skips a beat as he tilts his head just right, and you close the gap. the taste of his smile lingers as he murmurs, “so… what’s the judgement? still think you prefer normal boys?”

𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈 (西村力)

- we all did the hot to go dance together during the pre show playlist

- everyone dressed so to theme it was so crazy seeing the streets of toronto filled up with phannies it was lovely

- dan started the show by saying he was glad they were in Canada instead of America that night :,))

- phil said he was gonna be extra annoying bc he had 3 birthday cake flavoured timbits before the show

- someone threw a trans flag down from a balcony at one point it was so good

- phil accidentally slipped up and called us “phersons” at one point and they both laughed about it. we are phersons thank you 🫶

- our random talking point was “moose” but the boys weren’t sure if we actually said “goose” so the topic was “meese”

- lawyer dan wrote erotica about tim bits. at some point whoever was typing backstage changed that answer to “phim phits”

- when giving the traits of real Phil, the audience was obviously made up of Phillies and we were just clapping for him until the card that said “loves capitalism” and then it went a little silent and people started doing this 👎👎 and dan was like. “we got him boys. we got him”

- we ended up killing real dan and linguist phil

- dan verbally called out someone videoing or taking photos with their phone fhsj

- idk if he does this every show but dan said “I’m just a girl’ at one point and me and my friend went crazy

- while they were boxing and doing their trash talk and dan was like “scared?” And phil said “just scared of my life without you after I kill you” Iris and I were both like. 🫢🫢 so what do you mean by that

- stage manager cleaning up the boxing while they monologue. hey 🫶🫶 you are my hero 🫶🫶

general thoughts!!! phil is so beautiful. He is so so beautiful. every time he looked up at us me and Iris felt a little faint. dan and is also gorgeous oh my god. he’s also so kinetic and he moves around doing weird poses the whole time

their chemistry is so good!! like the comedic timing and the way they play off each other. all of it sounded very natural, I couldn’t really tell what was improv or scripted for a lot of the show

when sister daniel came out iris and i lost capability to speak. like wdym. she is so beautiful in person

2013. 07. 10

“Junghwanie? What’s wrong?”

Jungwhan could barely look up at you. You watched the boy’s shoulders slump over as he sat on the wood surface, feet bleakly swinging in the air. Dirt and grass littered and stained his knees and elbows.

“Some older kids took my soccer ball—they called me a twerp, too.” Tears welled up in Junghwan’s eyes. It made your heart sink. You jumped up to sit beside him as Junghwan sniffled, snot running down his nose. “Jeongwoo’s trying to get it back for me.”

Your eyes narrowed, watching the older boys further down the field. Two of them kicked the ball between them, while a third held your twin brother by the head in a rough noogie. Seeing it all made your blood boil, your fists shake. Your mom told you about bullying before; how you should never do it, and how you should always help others if they’re being bullied. Your fists balled up tighter and tighter. You needed to help Junghwan. 

You glanced down at your tiny fists. What could you do? You couldn’t do anything. You were just a weak kid. 

An idea spurred in your mind. You scooted closer to the boy beside you. Fiddling with the pink, frilly fabric, you slowly slid off the elastic hung snug against your wrist Maybe you couldn’t fight off some scary middle schooler, but you could at least do this. 

“Here,” You hovered the pink scrunchie in front of Junghwan, a small smile lining your lips as you faced him. “You can have this. Maybe this will cheer you up.”

Junghwan’s eyes widened. “Your scrunchie—isn’t this your favourite?”

“I know, but it makes me happy—hopefully it makes you happy, too!” A grin stretched across your face. 

Junghwan gulped, head still hanging low. His face flushed into a deep red as his eyes flit back and forth between you and his feet. The redness spread onto the shell of his ear as he hid his face beneath his dirtied forearm. 

“Thanks, y/n.” Junghwan finally smiled, your chest sinking in relief. 

2024. 08. 20

“Did we leave anything in the car?” Jeongwoo’s exhaustion spilled through his voice as he cradled his neck with both hands. 

“Don’t think so,” Sweat beaded from his temples as Junghwan hunched forward, gently dropping the cardboard box at his feet. He straightened up, using a forearm to wipe his forehead, pushing back his hair in the process. Junghwan turned to you, an awkward smile lining his lips. “Did you see anything, y/n?”

“Nope.” you pursed your lips, fiddling with a loose piece of tape on one of Junghwan’s miscellaneous boxes—a box you sat on as you unloaded Junghwan’s belongings into his new dorm. 

“Thank fuck,” Jeongwoo heaved a very sigh before plopping onto Junghwan’s new bed, treating it like his own.

So Junghwan—your brother’s best friend, and the youngest of you three—was on his way to begin a new chapter in his life; university. And now, Junghwan was moving to an entirely different city in order to attend university; your university, to be exact. 

He was moving away from his best friend, and moving closer to you—a peculiar set up, considering how far you two had drifted within the past few years. 

So Junghwan was a staple in your life during your childhood. It was you, him, and your brother against the world. The three of you didn’t need anyone else as you went on your daytime adventures to the neighbourhood playground; spending your measly allowance on snacks and sweets from the convenience store down the road from your homes; running away from the dreaded reality of chores and homework. 

Even if the boys were closer, it didn’t stop you from cherishing your friendship with Junghwan; You’d always tag along whenever Jeongwoo would visit his house, you'd bring extra snacks to school just for him. He felt the same, always welcoming you with a warm smile. You babied him, spoiled him silly. He was a year your junior, after all—how much he contrasted against your mischievous, prankster brother didn’t help, either. He was the only one of your brother’s friends you genuinely cared for. 

Once you entered highschool, however, the distance between you two only grew. Junghwan talked to you less, reserving all his attention to girls in his class and your own brother. Soon enough, the childhood trio you grew up with began to dissolve, fade away—leaving the infamous duo, and you in its wake. 

You decided to just shrug it off, opting to focus on your own life, your own friendships. Maybe he got tired of you. Maybe it was just a part of growing up.  

Maybe you were just the girl who babied him too much.

Which brings you back to the present, in which you were helping Junghwan move into his university dorm. Not because you were friends, but because you so happened to be the only one in the area. 

“Think I’m gonna head out.” Jeongwoo abruptly huffed out, shaking you back to reality. In one swift movement, Jeongwoo slid his car keys off the wood of the desk and looped them around his finger. Rising up at the foot of Junghwan’s mattress, Jeongwoo spun the clanking metal around before catching it with the rest of his hand. Junghwan followed suit, arms automatically up and out for your twin brother. 

You watched as the boys hugged and said their goodbyes. You couldn’t help but smile at the heartwarming sight. For second, it made you forget about this very very awkward set up. 

“Bye, loser,” Jeongwoo hummed into the crook of your neck as you hugged your brother goodbye. You glanced up, your eyes making contact with Junghwan’s frame. Your eyes trail up, noticing Junghwan’s eyes flit away from what looked like your direction, and his adam’s apple erratically bobbing up and down. You furrow your brows, taking note of the redness spreading over the curve of Junghwan’s ear. 

With a slam of the door, Jeongwoo was gone—and only then did your entire body freeze. 

You and Junghwan stood stagnant in the middle of his cramped dorm room. Awkward silence filled the air—filling your lungs and suffocating your chest. That's what you told yourself, anyway. You totally weren’t finding excuses to not talk to the boy you haven’t talked to in years. Totally. 

Only now have you gotten a proper chance to really look at Junghwan; really capture how much he's changed since you last saw him. This was probably his third growth spurt by now, with the way his figure towered over you. You studied the way his chestnut hair fell gently below his eyes, and how it was parted not at the middle, but slightly to the left. You caught a few glimpses of his broad shoulders—his built frame peeking through his campus sweater. You pinched yourself. Who cares if Junghwan grew up a little?

You cleared your throat. No. No matter how awkward all this was, how rocky your history was; you still needed to be strong, reliable. Junghwan was still your junior, after all. 

“So, you excited?” you wanted to slap yourself. What kind of question was that?

“Yeah,” Junghwan hummed a chuckle, maybe out of pity. You weren’t sure. “A little nervous, though.”

“Why? ‘Cause of classes?” You were just trying to make conversation, but maybe a part of you was concerned. Old habits die hard, anyway. 

Junghwan paused for a few long seconds, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Right. Classes.”

Your eyes furrowed at his weird, hesitant tone, but you brushed those thoughts away. You shine a bogus smile his way—the brighter the smile, the more convincing the lie. “Well, you can always ask for help!”

Junghwan hummed another smile—this time softer, more fragile. More genuine. His eyes never daring to let go of your frame. It made you insanely self aware of your own skin, your own being. You were being read like a book; though you doubt it was much of a page turner. You instinctively shield your torso with your crossed arms.

“It’s good to see you again, y/n.”

You stammered over his words, his very unexpected words. “Oh, uh, you too.”

Another blanket of silence fell on top of you, giving you ample time to reset; to compose yourself from the mess you were becoming. You cleared your throat, eyes darting straight towards the window. Junghwan, meanwhile, tucked both hands in his back pockets, eyes doing all they can to avoid your line of sight, as he sucked in air through his pursed lips. 

“I guess I should head out, too—”

Junghwan pivots to you, hurried. 

“Actually—I do have a favour to ask.”

“He asked you for a campus tour?” Your friend Winnie asked before popping a comically large cheeto in her mouth. Her munches and crunches filled the air of your shared apartment as you sunk into the couch—utterly defeated. 

“And I said yes,” You whined into the fabric of your throw pillow. 

Winnie only giggles, popping another chip and munching happily. “Girl, relax. You’re literally the only person he knows right now. Better to go with you than be lost on the first day.”

You grumble. You hated how level-headed she was. “But everything’s gonna be so awkward. We haven’t talked in years—”

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” Winnie shrugs. 

You could only groan. Winnie was right, you were being dramatic. So what if So Junghwan suddenly trudged back into your life, after leaving without a trace. You should be totally normal about this. 

You slap yourself back to reality as you roll your limp body over, finally catching your breath after covering your face with the pillow. You flit your phone open, fiddling with the first arbitrary app you come across. Winnie does the same before her voice peaks up again. 

“So, what about Eunhyeok?”

Your ears barely drown out the looped audio of the internet video plastered on your phone screen as your mind draws to a blank. “...Who?” 

Winnie’s eyebrow cocks to the sky. “Eunhyeok. The guy from social econ last year? Mr. ‘first talking stage in forever?’”

Your eyes widen. Right. Your mind has been so occupied with the new school semester starting and helping Junghwan move cities that you completely forgot about your date next week with Kwon Eunhyeok —a guy you only shared 

one (1) class with before finding him on a dating app last month. You heave a sigh, leaning back on the plush of the couch as more weight has been added to the boulder of burden on your shoulders. 

“Don’t tell me Mr. "Freshman’s’ got you all distracted, now.” Winnie teased, a stupid grin contaminating her face. You roll your eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

“My girl’s the main character of a love triangle, ooh!” Winnie pestered, belting a laugh as you groaned in response, making your way towards the kitchen. You swing the fridge door open, letting the cool air refresh you as you reach in to grab a can of soda. Maybe that would alleviate the burning rush of your cheeks. 

Would it stop your erratic heart beat, too? 

“Over here is the campus gym,” Winnie jutted her finger towards the building on her right, large windows showcasing the different gym equipment scattered all over the floor. Her arm then pivoted, pointing straight towards the open bed of grass, basking in the afternoon sun. “This is the field—it’s supposed to be where the teams practice, but really students come here when they wanna skip.” 

You and Junghwan, at opposite ends of Winnie's shoulders, laugh timidly. You knew you had to give Junghwan a tour today, but you also knew you needed some kind of assistance. It was the only way you'd come out of this alive, sanity unharmed. So, you let Winnie take the lead, letting yourself hide in the sidelines. 

“That being said, I better not catch you here!” Winnie jabbed a finger towards Junghwan’s chest, to which he responded by holding up both hands in surrender, eyes flitting back to you for a split second. “Yes, ma'am!”

“Hey, y/n!” a voice closely trailed behind Junghwan’s boom of a voice. The voice was faint, as if it was carried and coddled by the wind. Filtered through the breeze. Nevertheless, you could tell it was coming from the direction of the field. Your head shot up towards the air, your eyes landing on a small huddle of guys at the centre of the grass. The one in the middle rolled a soccer ball between his foot and the grass, while the other two kicked at the grass, hands shoved deep in their pockets. As you walked closer to the field, the man in the middle began to look more and more familiar. It was Kwon Eunhyeok. 

Eunhyeok had a cheeky grin plastered on his face as he waved his hand in a ‘come here' motion. “You wanna play?”

You couldn't help but furrow your brows. You've never told him anything about liking or playing sports—because you definitely didn't. “Um…”

“It's 2v2, but we need one more player. Wanna join?” 

You hugged your shoulders, looking around aimlessly. Though really you were just looking for an apt escape. “I dunno—”

“I'll do it.”

Everyone’s heads snapped towards the timid freshman, who’s voice had finally spoken up after staying quiet for an abnormally long time. One hand lazily in the air while the other fiddled with belt loops in his pants. Silence swiftly fogged over the group as the boys looked at each other. 

“You don't have to,” you tried to butt in. You didn't want to bother him with this, nor did you even want to stay out here any longer.

Besides, the idea of Junghwan and Eunhyeok interacting shot a weird feeling down your stomach.

“I’ll be fine,” Junghwan shot a quick yet soft smile at you, and you gulped; his eye smile suddenly making you feel the need to drink water. Slowly, Junghwan slid off the straps of his backpack and dropped it onto the grassy field, his black zip up hoodie quickly following suit. You unfortunately took note of his newly revealed short sleeves—not too tight, yet not too loose—and, now, you really wished you had some water on you.

When you snap back to reality, the boys make their decision, welcoming the freshman into their group easily. “Alright, man. Let’s play!”

The breeze was cold against your skin. 

You sat dead centre of the vast campus quad, knees tucked in against your chest, your chin hammocked on your knuckles as they clung onto your kneecaps. You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed to watch those boys play soccer. Heaven knows you didn’t enjoy it, and Winnie wasn’t even around anymore. Instead, she was allowed to hide away in the safe haven of her evening class. Lucky.

You glance up, eyes latching onto Junghwan, who was currently locked in the game. His back was hunched over as he clung onto his knees, sweat pooling on his shirt. 

You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed, but something in you told you to stay—and your body obeyed like a puppet to its strings, apparently.

Junghwan doesn’t wait long. A few seconds later, he’s back with the main group, tossing the soccer ball and pushing the tall blades of grass beneath it. Nevertheless, your eyes linger— stupidly so. They linger as his hair flies against the wind, brushing entirely away from his face. They watch Junghwan’s broad shoulders practically shining through his supposedly loose t-shirt, the way his back tensed beneath each and every movement. You watch his muscles flex as he ran to the ball. You gulp. Has he been working out that much since you last talked? 

A huge smile swipes across his face, his eyes lost in the crescent moons of his eye smile. Your heart skips a beat. 

You choke. You didn’t find Junghwan attractive, did you? 

You wonder where that cold breeze went. It would’ve been helpful in calming down your skin—which was currently being lit on fire. 

“HEADS!”

The boom of Eunhyeok’s voice shook you to reality *thank god*. The ball had seemingly lost control, soaring through the air like a deadly shooting star. Everyone else had already run to take cover. their arms enveloping their heads in makeshift helmets. All except one; Junghwan, who was now standing still in the middle of  the field, facing you. Too bad the ball was, in fact, heading in his direction. 

THWACK!

The ball struck head first against Jungwhan’s, well, head. The taut rubber smushed Junghwan’s nose, definitely bruising something. It sent the poor freshmen straight to the ground, blades of dead grass shooting up into the sky upon impact. 

The boys only stood around in shock, only taking a few steps towards Junghwan’s body. You, on the other hand, sprinted towards him. You weren’t sure why, but it felt like second nature. You helped the freshman gently sit up into a sitting position, immediately scanning his face and head for prominent and dangerous injuries. Aside from some scratches and light bruising along his cheeks, there was nothing. You rolled out a sigh of relief. 

“Hi,” Junghwan peeked through his fallen bangs, voice soft and timid.

“Hi,” your lips curled into a smile without realising, your mind suddenly forgetting all your recent qualms of late. “I have a first aid kit at my place, should we stop by?”

Junghwan sucked air through his teeth sharply, eyes crinkling shut as he winced from the pain of the ointment. You felt his large hands cling onto your wrists, desperate for you to stop the torture. However, you could tell Junghwan was still restraining himself from using his full strength on you. 

“Ouch!” Junghwan yelped. Again. 

“How does this hurt more than the ball?” 

Junghwan pauses, cheeks suddenly turning rosy. “It burns, okay!”

You only sigh. “I’m almost done, anyway. Just stay still.”

You bickered back and forth. It was odd. This was the most you talked to So Junghwan in over 3 years—but it all felt natural. You weren’t sure why.

After Junghwan finally decided to comply, you finished the last of ointment application, and sealed each wound with a bandaid. Wiping off the excess with a tissue, you let Junghwan go. 

Except he didn’t. He stayed there, face inches away from yours as you sat on the plush of your bed. Your knees rested against his hip; it was the only way you could balance without the use of your hands. You felt his breath graze against your cheek; short and shallow. It reminded you to breathe. Junghwan gazed up at you, his eyes glistened amidst the ebony skyline shining through your bedroom window—never daring to let your eyes go. 

That familiar odd feeling whirled in your stomach again. 

After clearing your chest, you both bounce away from each other, eyes finally severing their connection. Your feet hung off the edge of the bed while Junghwan rested further back on his outstretched arms. You watched as his hand tensed and relaxed, crinkling the fabric of your bedsheets. 

“There,” you muttered meekly. “You’re all good.”

Junghwan stared blankly, grazing a light finger across his newly patched up wounds. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” you purse your lips. 

Long gone was the laid back, relaxed feeling you had earlier. You stood up from the bed, dragging the bedsheet down slightly before packing up the first aid kit and hiding it away in your closet. 

Even now, you're still the girl that babied him too much. 

Junghwan hung his head low, fiddling with his thumbs before slowly lifting his eyes back up to face you. He hesitated for a bit, lips parted before he remembered to take a breath. A deep breath. 

“You still take care of me, huh? Even after all these years.”

Your eyes grow wide at Junghwan’s words. What was he talking about? Was he referring to all those times back when you were kids? Those moments you swore to forget. Those moments that came hurdling back into your stubborn little brain the moment Junghwan enrolled in your university. 

You purse your lips before uttering softly. “I thought you forgot about that.”

Junghwan softly grins, “How could I?”

Your eyebrows furrowed, your heart bouncing beneath your ribs. It makes a nervous leap, getting stuck in your windpipe. What did he mean by that?

“Well, it’s been a while” You kept your eyes on the evening skyline, each apartment light shining like a star in the night. Nevertheless, you watched Junghwan through your peripheral vision. You watched as his eyes finally let go of your frame, his head once again hanging low. 

“It really has,” Junghwans voice didn’t reach past a whisper. 

The room was enveloped in—you guessed it—awkward silence. You’d think you’d build some kind of immunity to it at this point, but that wasn’t the case. You still managed to suffocate. You turn to fully face Junghwan, whose expression turned flat, stoic. He stood up from the bed, bedsheets leaving an imprint of his frame. 

“Maybe we can restart?” He asks

You blink, gulping once more. So Junghwan—the boy you spent your whole childhood with, the boy who disappeared from your life without a trace. The boy you babied too much. So Junghwan wanted a second chance. 

Your mind thought it was crazy. Too bad you never listened to it. 

“Sure.”

“You’re going on a date?” Junghwan asked, sipping on a juice box he insisted he’d pay for as you trudged your way home. Well, your home, to be exact. Junghwan also insisted he’d walk you and Winnie home after all your classes. Seems like Junghwan was taking this second chance thing seriously. 

“Yeah, and guess what?” Winnie chimed in, as preppy as usual—she was always like this when it came to your love life, though there wasn’t much to report. “It’s with that Eunhyeok guy—the one from the field the other day. You remember him?”

Suddenly, Junghwan’s face turns serious, stoic, as his eyes trail the sidewalk. He sipped until bubbles popped inside his straw. “Yeah. I do.”

You were sandwiched between their two figures, quietly sipping your soda. You raise your hand and wave it frantically. “Can we stop talking about it? It’s not a big deal.”

“Tell me you’re at least a little excited about it?” Winnie tilted her head, her bangs falling over her long eyelashes. You bit your lip, glancing over at Junghwan, whose wide eyes suggested he was curious about this, too. 

“Yeah, I—AH!”

Your undone shoelaces saved you the burden of having to lie. The strings scattered across the pavement, landing right in front of the area you were going to take your next steps. The front of your sneaker had clung onto your other shoe’s laces, causing you to trip on your own two feet—like an idiot. You only wince, squeezing your eyes shut to brace for impact before you hit the ground. 

You’d hit the ground. Any day now. 

But you didn’t. Instead, you felt a force envelope your shoulders and back. Your head hung in the air, your eyes meeting a distorted view of the clouds above. You tense your neck, scouring to find this mysterious force that had caught you out of thin air. A part of you wishes you didn’t. 

Nevertheless, you open your eyes to a worried Junghwan. His arms cradled you against his chest, a hand tightly gripping your bicep. He’s got you hanging in thin air, in a way that resembles tango dancers at the end of their performance. His face was inches away from yours, puffs of his air blowing onto your cheeks—your very warm cheeks.  

“You alright?” Junghwan asked, rather hastily. 

Your mind drew to a complete blank before you could respond. “Uh, um—yeah. I’m good.” 

Junghwan heaved a sigh of relief before standing you up straight—lord knows you were too dazed to do it yourself—and loosening his grip around your shoulders. He avoided your gaze, face painted a blaring red as he dipped down to your feet. Junghwan proceeded to loop his fingers around your loose laces, tying them into pretty double knots; safe and sound. 

“Be careful, okay?” Junghwan gazed up at you, his adam's apple bobbing up and down and his eyes shaking. Your heart was quaking in the confines of your rib cage, like a feral beast trying to escape. You weren’t sure if it was from the near fall from your trip, or if it was from your heart being utterly, terribly, stupid. 

The library was, uncharacteristically enough, loud. 

It was the table beside you, lined completely with utter buffoons of freshman. They had the audacity to play a chaotic card game amidst you and other university students who were desperately cramming for their midterms. They didn’t have a shred of remorse, either. Not even bothering to glance around at the students who were currently giving them death stares. The louder they’d holler or slap their hand on the table, the closer you were to seeing red. 

You grumbled in your seat, thumb clicking at your pen profusely as you held it centimetres before your noticeably blank notepad page. 

“Woah okay, don’t kill them, please,” Junghwan’s voice was laced with worry, understandably—you did consider it for a bit. Junghwan sat beside you, his once laid back figure now hunched forward, his big hand clung onto your tensed wrist. The warmth of his skin was enough to calm you down, apparently. Your head pivots back to Junghwan’s direction, your eyes immediately linking up with his. His face glistened under the golden hour sunlight, acting like the spotlight in a theatre with how it only shined on him. You watched his hair burn a bright auburn, his eyes carried in them a swirl of stars. 

You gulped at the sight, completely forgetting about those annoying freshmen. Or anyone else, for that matter. 

“Whatever,” your hand slips from his grasp quickly, though your skin felt a twinge of coldness, loneliness, after the fact. You clear your throat. “How do you deal with them? I think I’d lose my mind.”

Junghwan gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. A finger tapped at the headphone set that hung snug around his neck. “With these. They’re noise cancelling.”

You turn your head to the front, avoiding Junghwan’s gaze after staring at his oddly chiselled jaw for longer than wanted. “Lucky.”

You glanced back at the rowdy table, still stagnant and unmoving from their loud and aggravating presence. Sure they were still ear piercing, but now you could barely hear them over your beating heart, pounding so loud you could hear it in your ears. 

You sensed some rummaging behind you before you turned around, curiosity getting the best of you. Your eyes are met with a sweetly grinning Junghwan as he pulls off his headphones, adjusts their size, and gently slides them on your head. His hand slides off your head, but not before running a finger through your hair. His smile grows wider. “There, now you can focus.”

Your heart skips a beat as your eyes widen. “What—what about you?”

Junghwan ever so softly flicks your nose with his finger. “Quit worrying about me, already. You deserve to study in peace.”

“Oh,” You gulp again, heart still pounding in your chest. “Thanks.”

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

You knew it was redundant to say, but you just wanted to make it clear. So Junghwan was just a friend; A friend you had hung out with more than your other friends in your year, by now. You would study together, walk home together—Junghwan insisted the walk back to his dorm didn’t bother him—and even eat out together. You two even developed a new bond over finding new cuisines to try. 

But all that eating out eventually led to near empty wallets, so you suggested an alternative for this afternoon; cooking. It was high time Junghwan learned how to cook for himself, anyway. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder as you guided the poor, lost freshman on how to properly cut vegetables. The final boss? The yellow onion. 

“What happens when it stings too much?” Junghwan whined, one eye practically glued shut while the other peeked open ever so slightly. Though, that eye was too busy swelling in tears. You giggle as you watch him. 

“You’re just supposed to deal with it, really.” You only shrug as an ailed sound emits from Junghwan’s mouth. 

Soon enough, all the torture food preparation was complete, and the two of you pivoted to face your apartment's kitchen. You heated a pan on the stove, drizzled on oil, and got to work. Junghwan’s head perched over your shoulder, silently watching. 

Thankfully, your silence wasn’t awkward anymore. It was comfortable, easy. You didn’t think it possible, but you and Junghwan were slowly going back to how things were; going back to being best friends. Sparks popped in your chest at that thought.

“Oh—your date’s tomorrow” Junghwan analysed, eyes flitting back and forth between you and the calendar on the corner of your fridge. “How are you feeling?” 

Though a part of you was thankful for the reminder, you couldn’t help but groan. You were already tired of Winnie’s constant berating concerning the first man to go on a date with you since your failed talking stage in your first year—did Junghwan really have to do the same? “I dunno, haven’t given it much thought.”

“Alright, you player,” Junghwan teased, jabbing your shoulder. Maybe he was spending too much time with Winnie; she could be a bad influence on him. “Just another guy on your roster, huh?”

You roll your eyes to the sky—or, really, the exhaust fan above your stove. “Oh, shut up. Don’t act like you and my brother weren’t with different girls every month back in highschool.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Junghwan scoffed. 

“Don’t play dumb,” you jabbed back as you flung your spatula, unaware of the pieces of vegetables flying in the air. “Just ‘cause we didn’t talk, doesn’t mean I didn’t see things!”

Junghwan lifted his hands in the air, like a criminal caught red handed. “I swear! I didn’t do any of that.”

You turned to face him. “Then who were all those girls you'd hang around with on campus?”

Junghwan scratched the nape of his neck. “They were just friends… I’ve actually never dated, or even kissed a girl before.” 

You gulp. Had your perceptions all been wrong? You were positive the reason why Junghwan stopped talking to you in the first place was to make room for more girls in his life. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Junghwan fiddled with the hem of his apron. “I just never knew how it worked—too lazy to learn.”

You turned off the stove, your brain switching onto a particular idea. It might’ve been sick and twisted, but maybe it was just what you needed. 

“What if I teach you?”

Junghwan’s eyes practically spilt out of their sockets. You didn’t blame him; what you said was crazy. But you had your reasons. You needed to prove that you didn’t find So Junghwan attractive; that you didn’t wanna cross the boundary of best friends with him; that those past moments of your heart slipping up were none other than random flukes—a way for your heart to tell you your love life was too stagnant. 

“You sure?”

You stared up at him, gulping. “I’m no player, but I’ve had my fair share of kisses… maybe we can practise.”

Your words dwindled to the end once you realised how crazy you sounded. Gosh, if you didn’t know any better, you sounded like you were hitting on him. Your stomach churned at the thought. Your cheeks flared up in response. But it didn’t matter, Junghwan was your friend. You were doing this for a reason. For clarity. For closure. 

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

Junghwan was almost as red as the tomatoes in your frying pan. “O-okay.”

You were kissing So Junghwan.

Or more accurately, Junghwan was kissing you. 

As you stood in the middle of your living room, basking in the afternoon sunlight, your lips melted into one—easily, you observed. You also observed how soft Junghwan’s touch was. His hand trailed from the shell of your ear after brushing your hair away from your face, to cupping the side of your cheek. The graze of his fingertips sent chills through your skin. His fingers lifted your head ever so slightly, combating your towering height difference. His other hand didn’t even flinch as it stayed at his side; in fear of crossing an unwanted boundary. An odd swirl spun at the pit of your stomach. Your heart tripped and face planted on its two feet. Multiple times.

Wasn’t Junghwan supposed to be bad at this? 

Overwhelmed, you couldn’t muster much movement on your end. All your measly mind could think of was to cling onto his broad shoulders, which were hunched over to reach your frame closer—practically enveloping you. You hated how gentle he was, considering how strong you knew him to be. It was doing weird things to your mind. You clung onto the fabric of his sweater; desperate and confused.  

What was Junghwan doing to you?

After what seems like centuries, your lips finally plop apart. Your figures hesitate to move apart, your breaths both short and shallow—he quite literally took your breath away. Your eyes naturally link with his, a red string of fate hanging in the balance. You really hoped Winnie wasn’t gonna come home anytime soon. A sudden chime of someone’s phone catapulted you back to reality as you jumped away from him. Your eyes avoided his gaze like the plague as your cheeks burned so hot you could cook more of that dish you made earlier. And don’t even get started on your heart beat, your erratic, animalistic heart beat. 

Maybe your little test wasn’t so smart, anymore.

“You–uh,” you stuttered out like an idiot. “You’re pretty good…”

You glance back at Junghwan, who’s red stained cheeks and ears, paired with eyes practically glued to your wooden floor, suggest that he was just as much of a mess as you were. At least there was that. Junghwan clung onto the nape of his neck like a life force. “R-really?”

So Junghwan was the death of you. “Y-yeah. You don’t need my help.”

Awkward silence, your old friend. 

“I–uh,” Junghwan’s voice didn’t reach past a whisper. “I should probably go.”

“Okay,” you replied, grateful for the leeway he was giving your heart. Though, an empty feeling began crawling up your chest, too. You watched as Junghwan scurried out the door, the boom of it shutting barely overpowering the crazy thumps of your heart beat. 

So Junghwan was so cooked. 

He stumbled out of your apartment complex, dazed and confused. His heart clawed profusely at his ribcage, like a feral animal—just itching to jump out and splat on the road. He clenched his chest, lost at a shortness of breath. He thought back to your kiss; your supple lips locked against his. He thought about how you melted into his chest, how your skin felt so warm, it was like he was dreaming. Maybe he didn’t wanna wake up. Scratch that—he wasn’t just thinking about all that. The image was tattooed in his brain, forever. 

He’s done it. He’s officially gone too far. 

Junghwan wasn’t supposed to expose himself so…idiotically. He planned to be more composed, untroubled. Was he just supposed to confess his life long crush on his best friend like a loser? 

You were the love of So Junghwan’s life, the apple of his eye. He’s loved you since you were kids. He loved everything about you; from the way you lit up any room with your smile, to the way you’d always put others before yourself every chance you got. You had him wrapped around your finger; anything you did gave him butterflies. He’s always believed he hit the jackpot the moment he met you.

He also believed he absolutely fumbled that jackpot the moment he distanced himself from you. The more time he spent with you, the more he realised you’d never love him back. You were too busy babying him. In your eyes, Junghwan would never be your equal. So, by the time he entered highschool, he opted to give up. 

Foolishly, he thought he could still keep your friendship as he tried to get over you. Quickly, however, he learnt that it wasn’t possible. Your constant, beautiful presence always sent a punch to his gut, a guilty feeling squeezing at his heart. So he finally decided, it was time to end your friendship, once and for all, even if it meant hurting you in the process. Lord knows it tore his heart into pieces, too.

It also didn’t even work. 

Junghwan didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse that he got accepted into the university you happened to be attending. Sure, maybe he was the fool for applying there in the first place last fall, but still. The one thing he did know was that he’d lose his mind the moment he’d see you again. He knew he’d combust the moment you’d look at him with your beautiful eyes one more time. 

Nevertheless, something in his resolve had switched. His chest puffed out, his heart beat faster. With the years of distancing himself from you behind him, Junghwan was a changed man. And he was going to prove it to you. 

Or he was, until he completely fumbled the bag just now.

Trudging home with heavy shoulders, Junghwan rummaged in his sweater pocket, fingers easily finding what it needed to. He pulls out a pink, frilly scrunchie, grazing the soft fabric between his fingertips. The elastic could barely fit over just two of his large fingers, but that didn’t stop him from taking the scrunchie everywhere he went. 

It was the scrunchie from the day he first fell for you, after all.

“Fuck,” Junghwan huffed.

“Sorry I’m late!” Eunhyeok’s voice peaks in your ears, causing you to look up from your phone. He walks up to you, holding a lazy but apologetic hand up in the air. You glanced back at your phone quickly; the time was 3:58—around 30 minutes past your originally discussed meeting time.  

“No worries! I just got here,” You lied anyway. That was custom for first dates, apparently. 

You were meeting up with Kwon Eunhyeok for your very important, once in a lifetime—according to Winne, anyway—date. It wasn’t that you weren’t excited for today. The idea of going on a date for the first time in what felt like ages did excite you, slightly. You allowed yourself to get dolled up a little, too—dawning your favourite maxi shirt and a bow that completely your half up-half down hair look.  

It’s not like you weren’t excited for this date—there were just other things that stubbornly occupied your mind at the moment. 

You didn’t expect Junghwan’s kiss to stay so vivid in your mind for so long. You allowed yourself maybe 30 minutes to properly freak out about how good he kissed you; how he kissed you in a way that made you gut wrench, your head spin. How he kissed you in a way that makes you rethink everything. You were only allowed 30 minutes for all of that. But when you woke up this morning with So Junghwan running in your mind, you knew you were fucked. 

You thought back to the past month with So Junghwan. The boy you grew up with, your brother’s best friend. The man that, in the past month, showed a completely new side of himself, and it was making you go crazy. 

Were you on a date with the wrong person?

“Where we headed first?” Eunhyeok asked, his gaze locked on something behind you as he shoved both hands down his pockets. You gave him a quizzical look. “I thought you said you’d plan everything? I didn’t give it much thought…”

“Oh—right.” Eunhyeok’s voice grew quiet. He picked at his lips, swiping at his phone screen. “Well, I’ll look up some places, I guess. ” 

You wished you could roll your eyes right now. 

After stopping underneath a well shaded tree to look for nice places in the area, the two of you finally went on your way. While your time was eventful—you visited a variety of places, including the trendy and overpriced coffee shop, the park, and dinner at a place he couldn’t stop talking about—you couldn’t muster up any feeling of excitement. Sure you had fun, but this seemed like nothing more than a simple platonic day out. And judging off of Eunhyeok’s laid back, borderline bored attitude, you could guess he felt the same. 

Besides, you still couldn’t shake Junghwan out of your mind. 

The sky was painted a deep orange as you and Eunhyeok walked to the train station. Ribbons of white and pink scattered across the sky, twinges of blue laced at the corners. It was beautiful. You wished Junghwan was here to see it. 

You and Eunhyeok said your goodbyes as you hopped on your respective trains. You weren’t getting a text back from that guy, you knew it. And yet, that didn’t seem to bother you. 

Junghwan was seeing you today. 

Though, it was gonna be painfully one sided—because he wasn’t going to meet with you, no. Instead, he was joining a very hyper Winnie in stalking your date with that Eunhyeok guy. 

To say Junghwan was sceptical about Winnie’s insane and creepy idea would be a deep understatement. FIrstly—and more prominently—he wasn’t even sure if this was legal, let alone a good thing to do. What if someone saw him? Or worse, what if you saw him? Lord knows he's anything but ready to see you after the kiss that stole his breath. Nevertheless, he tagged along. That Eunhyeok guy rubbed him the wrong way, and it was an excuse to see you in a cute outfit. 

“You sure this is a good idea?” Junghwan whispered, face practically smushed into the decorative bush outside the train station. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Winnie whisper-shouted back, her whole figure enveloped by the same bush. “I think I see her!”

Junghwan’s heart pounded in his chest, though he wasn’t sure if it was from being caught by the cops, or by you. God, what if you thought he was some weirdo after this? He’d pass away, actually. 

He took note of what you were wearing; the maxi shirt that made you look like a princess, and the hair bow that completed your royal look. It warmed his heart knowing you still liked hair accessories just as you did as a kid. 

Gosh, you looked beautiful.

Junghwan’s eyes latched onto a figure of a dude slowly jogging to you. His words were inaudible, but the view of your smile in response was enough to make Junghwan’s blood boil. What was so funny? Junghwan gulped. He knew he was funnier, there was no doubt about it. You didn’t even need to go on this date in the first place. 

Winnie adjusted her stance, causing a branch from the bush to move. The Eunhyeok guy’s eyes snap towards his direction as Jungwhan freezes like a deer in headlights. Was he fucked?

Eunhyeok’s eyes linger in the air before finally reaching Junghwan’s. Like an idiot, Junghwan stared back. He was fucked. 

Eunhyeok’s eyes finally flit back to you, mumbling something inaudible again before the two of you walk away. Jungwhan and Winnie follow suit, Junghwan’s heart still pounding in his chest. 

—

“So, how's Junghwan?” Jeongwoo’s voice chimed through the phone. You purse your lips. As if you haven’t been thinking about him enough. You clear your throat, gracing your twin brother with a response. “He’s, uh, good.”

There was a pause on Jeongwoo’s line. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, no, it’s all good.” You realise your double usage of the word ‘good’ makes you sound even more suspicious. 

“What, you guys kiss or something?” Jeongwoo teased, his peculiar words sending your heart into full attack mode. Your heart leaped from your chest, your eyes spilling from your sockets. Your mind flits back to the image of Junghwan, his hand snug against your cheek as he stole your heart like a ruthless burglar.

“WHAT? NO!”

“Jesus, calm down,” Jeongwoo whined. “I was only joking, relax!”

You stayed silent. 

“Unless something actually happened?”

No. Nothing happened. Only So Junghwan, who came crawling back to your life after years, turning into a whole new person, and was turning your world upside down. Junghwan didn’t do anything—he just manages to swirl butterflies in your stomach with his handsome smile and chivalrous ways, make your heart skip multiple beats with his cute jokes and even cuter habits, take your breath away as he kissed you like a man who's been starved to near death.

Nothing happened. You just fell in love with your—and your brother’s—best friend. You heave a sigh. It felt freeing—finally admitting to it.

But it didn’t matter. He was still your best friend. You would die before you told him the truth.

“I gotta go, Woo.” Overwhelmed, you suddenly mumble into the phone. You barely hear his confused reaction as you click the phone off, chest sparking with adrenalin you haven’t felt in awhile. You trudge to your bathroom, in desperate need of a splash of water to refresh yourself and your mind. 

You can’t tell Junghwan. No matter what.

In the corner of your eye, however, you see Winnie skip up towards you a bright smile on her face. 

“Hey,” Winnie twirled a strand of hair between her fingers. “Found a couple packs of beer in the pantry. You wanna drink tonight?”

“Sure” You shrug. You definitely needed it after the month you had.

“Great! I’ll invite Junghwan, too!” Winnie cheered before skipping away. 

Great. 

Junghwan didn’t know you were a light-weight. 

But here you were, sprawled out on your living room couch, with a rosy face as multiple (3) beer cans scattered over the floor. Your head barely grazed his thigh, your hair spreading across his lap, each strand following the creases of his jeans. Junghwan couldn’t help but smile; you were the cutest drunk person he's ever seen.

Maybe for tonight, he can forget about fucking up any chance he had of staying your friend.

“Oh god,” Concerned, Winnie hid her mouth behind her hands as she looked over at you. She looks back up at Junghwan. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t think she’d get like that.”

Junghwan waved a lenient hand. “It’s all good.”

“She’s probably still grovelling over Eunhyeok. Poor girl got ghosted.” Winnie muttered. The mention of his name left a bitter taste in Junghwan’s mouth, but at least he was out of the picture. Winnie shot up from the couch, shuffling to the kitchen. “I’ll see if we have anything to fix…that.”

Junghwan pursed his lips, gazing at how your eyelashes swooped beneath your eyelids so beautifully. There’s nothing to fix. Even as a drunk mess—you were still perfect.

Winnie soon disappeared into the pantry, and Junghwan felt some shuffling at the edge of his thigh. He glanced down, watching your figure shift around your area of the couch. You began by slowly turning over, your cheeks squished against the backrest. You then murmured something completely incoherent—like a baby saying their first words. You melted Junghwan’s heart into a lovesick puddle as Junghwan gently brushed the hairs away from your face, taking care of you in any way he knew he could. 

Maybe Junghwan let his guard down too soon. 

You proceeded to messily crawl up a bit, resting your head on Junghwan’s lap. Junghwan’s skin ignited at your touch. He gulped, bullets of sweat running down his forehead. What were you doing? Were you trying to kill him?

You flopped over so that your flushed, rosy face was facing up at him. “Junghwanie.” 

Junghwan blinked. “Yeah?”

“Mmm I think I’m in trouble,” you mumbled some more. Junghwan knew you were just speaking gibberish, but a part of him couldn’t ignore you. 

“I think I’m falling for you.”

Junghwan choked. 

“There’s something about you lately… you’re so caring and sweet—but like more than before. And then we kissed, and it made me more confused. No one’s kissed me like that before…”

You fell asleep before Junghwan could compose himself, your soft snores filling up the living room. He could only scoff. While the walls of your apartment closed in on him, his heart jumped in and out of his chest, and reality as he knew it began to shatter—you were peacefully asleep. 

Junghwan gripped at his chest, which was bubbling up with adrenaline. You liked him back? He had a chance?

“I like you, too,” Junghwan whispered back. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“I’m back!” Winnie chimed in, catapulting Junghwan back to reality. 

No, no, no. This wasn’t good. None of this was good. 

I think I’m falling for you. 

Your words from last night replayed in your mind, as if your raging headache from your hangover wasn’t enough torment already. You were pacing back and forth on your living room floor, fingers picking at your lips and eyes quaking side to side. Your heart was popping out of your chest, sweat beaded from your temples. 

Few sips of alcohol and you were off, ruining life long friendships with a single drunken love confession. How stupid were you to let yourself slip up like that? 

“It’s probably fine, y/n” Winnie watched you from the couch, very worried. “You probably didn’t say anything too bad.”

“No.” you mutter, regrettably “I remember what I said.”

“Well, why don’t you go to him?”  Winnie shrugged. How could she be so nonchalant about this? “Talk it through. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same way?”

You stop in your tracks, holding in a scoff. There was no way. He was your childhood best friend. But Winnie was right about one thing. You needed to clear things up. 

You needed to see Junghwan.

“y/n?” Junghwan’s voice was overwhelming with confusion as you stood in the quad, visibly dishevelled and still in your sleepwear. You were lucky you remembered to put on proper shoes. What’s worse? Junghwan wasn’t alone. He—and by proxy, you—was surrounded by other students, presumably his friends. You forgot he hung out with people aside from you. 

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure,” Junghwan stuttered before whisking you away, one hand at the small of your back. His touch made your stomach swirl. The two of you stood along the side of the nearest campus building, his tall frame casting a shadow over you. 

“Oh yeah, almost forgot,” Junghwan’s eyes lit up, brows shooting up to the sky.  Slipping his bag off his shoulders, he pulls out a smaller bag before handing it to you. “Made some food for you. Hopefully it helps with the hangover.”

“Thanks,” you gulp. Only Junghwan would think of something like this—something that would make your heart melt to the ground. Nevertheless, Junghwan remembered you’d have a hangover, which meant he remembered how drunk you were last night. 

“I’m sorry about what I said last night!” You suddenly blurt out, head hanging low. “I wasn’t thinking right, clearly, and—”

“What?” Junghwan’s voice was shaky, worried. “You’re taking it back?”

“You’re one of my best friends, Junghwan. What I said wasn’t right. I don’t want to ruin what we have, especially right after I got you back.” You gulp, your words turning sour and bitter on your tongue. Each sentence broke your heart into pieces. You were placing a wall between you and your chance at happiness, after all. 

“What about what I want?” Junghwan’s voice suddenly grew deep and firm. He slapped a palm onto the brick wall behind you, encasing you in his frame. Chills ran down your spine.“You’re too busy babying me and protecting me, did you forget I get a say in this, too? What if I wanted to take the risk? What if I wanted to make the jump to be with you?

“What are you saying?” you muttered like an idiot. 

Junghwan looks to the side, nervously hiding his face beneath the back of his hand. The shells of his ears grew red. His other hand fell from the wall before reaching into his pants pocket. He pulls out a pink frilly piece of fabric—fabric you recognized instantly. “Last night, the girl of my dreams; the girl that gave me her favourite pink scrunchie, told me she liked me back, and I want nothing more than to take her in my arms right now.” 

Your cheeks flush in heat at his heart fluttering words. Questions ran through your mind like runners in a marathon as your heart beat faster and faster. Junghwan wanted to be with you? You weren’t living in one sided nightmare? Junghwan was willing to risk your friendship for you? Your chest heaved as you clawed at the brick wall behind you—anything for that sense of reality. 

“Did you mean it? What you said last night?” Junghwan’s eyes flit back to you. 

Your heart made one final, courageous leap across your chest. Fuck it. 

“Yeah. I meant it all—I like you, Junghwan. I like you so much.”

The pressure on your shoulders began to float to the sky. This was what it felt like to stop lying to yourself, huh?

Like clockwork, Junghwan pulls you against his chest, his face melting into the crook of your neck. You cling onto his shoulders, grip maybe too tight for your liking. You didn’t want him escaping your grasp anymore. He was gentle, still, but you couldn’t help but notice a sense of urgency in his touch. As if he was waiting all his life for this. “I like you too, y/n.”

You pull away from your embrace, your eyes immediately linking to the sight of his lips. Call yourself selfish, but you needed to kiss the man in front of you. Right now. Judging by the almost ravenous stare from Junghwan’s eyes, it seems he felt the same. 

As if you were starving, you hopelessly clung onto the collar of Junghwan’s shirt, finally linking your lips onto his—genuinely, this time. You move your arms to cling around Junghwan's neck, and his arms loop around your waist. His lips tasted of a weird fruit medley—maybe it's from the gum you gave him last week—but it didn't matter. Sparks still popped against your skin, excitement shocking through your whole body. Junghwan raised a hand snug against the back of your head, protecting you from the brick wall as he leaned in further, deepening your kiss. It made your heart melt into a lovesick puddle beneath your feet. You cling onto the fabric of his collar. Junghwan knew just what to do to take your breath away. 

Slowly, you pull apart, breath shortened, chests heightened, and eyes both full of love. Junghwan keeps his gaze on you, and only you, as he brushes a hair behind your ear. 

“Promise you’ll let me take care of you now?”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. “I promise”

“Gross,” Jeongwoo winces as he studies the decorations on your apartment fridge—specifically, the photo of you and Junghwan, drunkenly asleep and cuddling on the couch. Safe to say, this was the last thing he expected to see on his visit to see his best friend and sister. 

“Shut up—it's cute!” Winnie, the obvious culprit, beams. 

“I tried getting her to take it down, okay,” You argue, fiddling with your boyfriend, Junghwan’s, fingers as his arm rests on your shoulders in a casual side hug. 

“Don’t act so innocent,” Jeongwoo narrows his eyes at the sickeningly sweet couple, jabbing a finger at you and Junghwan. “You guys are too damn clingy.”

Junghwan takes this opportunity to wrap his other arm—as well as one leg—around you. He looked like a big and goofy koala, but that didn't matter to you. “And what about it?” 

You giggle behind Junghwans arm, which was covering practically half of your face. “Yeah!”

“Yuck,” Jeongwoo’s cowers behind his shoulders, and the two of you laugh triumphantly. Your brother and Winnie quickly retire to another part of your apartment, probably to get away from you two. But that didn’t matter. You gave up at Junghwan, his eyes already gazing down at you lovingly. Heat creeped onto your cheeks. 

“Don’t mind them, baby,” Junghwan says with a pout.

You hum in response before Junghwan’s hand pulls you closer by the jaw, linking your lips with his in a sweet kiss. Even now, So Junghwan managed to take your breath away. 

“I know, baby.”

2013. 07. 10

“Junghwanie? What’s wrong?”

Jungwhan could barely look up at you. You watched the boy’s shoulders slump over as he sat on the wood surface, feet bleakly swinging in the air. Dirt and grass littered and stained his knees and elbows.

“Some older kids took my soccer ball—they called me a twerp, too.” Tears welled up in Junghwan’s eyes. It made your heart sink. You jumped up to sit beside him as Junghwan sniffled, snot running down his nose. “Jeongwoo’s trying to get it back for me.”

Your eyes narrowed, watching the older boys further down the field. Two of them kicked the ball between them, while a third held your twin brother by the head in a rough noogie. Seeing it all made your blood boil, your fists shake. Your mom told you about bullying before; how you should never do it, and how you should always help others if they’re being bullied. Your fists balled up tighter and tighter. You needed to help Junghwan. 

You glanced down at your tiny fists. What could you do? You couldn’t do anything. You were just a weak kid. 

An idea spurred in your mind. You scooted closer to the boy beside you. Fiddling with the pink, frilly fabric, you slowly slid off the elastic hung snug against your wrist Maybe you couldn’t fight off some scary middle schooler, but you could at least do this. 

“Here,” You hovered the pink scrunchie in front of Junghwan, a small smile lining your lips as you faced him. “You can have this. Maybe this will cheer you up.”

Junghwan’s eyes widened. “Your scrunchie—isn’t this your favourite?”

“I know, but it makes me happy—hopefully it makes you happy, too!” A grin stretched across your face. 

Junghwan gulped, head still hanging low. His face flushed into a deep red as his eyes flit back and forth between you and his feet. The redness spread onto the shell of his ear as he hid his face beneath his dirtied forearm. 

“Thanks, y/n.” Junghwan finally smiled, your chest sinking in relief. 

2024. 08. 20

“Did we leave anything in the car?” Jeongwoo’s exhaustion spilled through his voice as he cradled his neck with both hands. 

“Don’t think so,” Sweat beaded from his temples as Junghwan hunched forward, gently dropping the cardboard box at his feet. He straightened up, using a forearm to wipe his forehead, pushing back his hair in the process. Junghwan turned to you, an awkward smile lining his lips. “Did you see anything, y/n?”

“Nope.” you pursed your lips, fiddling with a loose piece of tape on one of Junghwan’s miscellaneous boxes—a box you sat on as you unloaded Junghwan’s belongings into his new dorm. 

“Thank fuck,” Jeongwoo heaved a very sigh before plopping onto Junghwan’s new bed, treating it like his own.

So Junghwan—your brother’s best friend, and the youngest of you three—was on his way to begin a new chapter in his life; university. And now, Junghwan was moving to an entirely different city in order to attend university; your university, to be exact. 

He was moving away from his best friend, and moving closer to you—a peculiar set up, considering how far you two had drifted within the past few years. 

So Junghwan was a staple in your life during your childhood. It was you, him, and your brother against the world. The three of you didn’t need anyone else as you went on your daytime adventures to the neighbourhood playground; spending your measly allowance on snacks and sweets from the convenience store down the road from your homes; running away from the dreaded reality of chores and homework. 

Even if the boys were closer, it didn’t stop you from cherishing your friendship with Junghwan; You’d always tag along whenever Jeongwoo would visit his house, you'd bring extra snacks to school just for him. He felt the same, always welcoming you with a warm smile. You babied him, spoiled him silly. He was a year your junior, after all—how much he contrasted against your mischievous, prankster brother didn’t help, either. He was the only one of your brother’s friends you genuinely cared for. 

Once you entered highschool, however, the distance between you two only grew. Junghwan talked to you less, reserving all his attention to girls in his class and your own brother. Soon enough, the childhood trio you grew up with began to dissolve, fade away—leaving the infamous duo, and you in its wake. 

You decided to just shrug it off, opting to focus on your own life, your own friendships. Maybe he got tired of you. Maybe it was just a part of growing up.  

Maybe you were just the girl who babied him too much.

Which brings you back to the present, in which you were helping Junghwan move into his university dorm. Not because you were friends, but because you so happened to be the only one in the area. 

“Think I’m gonna head out.” Jeongwoo abruptly huffed out, shaking you back to reality. In one swift movement, Jeongwoo slid his car keys off the wood of the desk and looped them around his finger. Rising up at the foot of Junghwan’s mattress, Jeongwoo spun the clanking metal around before catching it with the rest of his hand. Junghwan followed suit, arms automatically up and out for your twin brother. 

You watched as the boys hugged and said their goodbyes. You couldn’t help but smile at the heartwarming sight. For second, it made you forget about this very very awkward set up. 

“Bye, loser,” Jeongwoo hummed into the crook of your neck as you hugged your brother goodbye. You glanced up, your eyes making contact with Junghwan’s frame. Your eyes trail up, noticing Junghwan’s eyes flit away from what looked like your direction, and his adam’s apple erratically bobbing up and down. You furrow your brows, taking note of the redness spreading over the curve of Junghwan’s ear. 

With a slam of the door, Jeongwoo was gone—and only then did your entire body freeze. 

You and Junghwan stood stagnant in the middle of his cramped dorm room. Awkward silence filled the air—filling your lungs and suffocating your chest. That's what you told yourself, anyway. You totally weren’t finding excuses to not talk to the boy you haven’t talked to in years. Totally. 

Only now have you gotten a proper chance to really look at Junghwan; really capture how much he's changed since you last saw him. This was probably his third growth spurt by now, with the way his figure towered over you. You studied the way his chestnut hair fell gently below his eyes, and how it was parted not at the middle, but slightly to the left. You caught a few glimpses of his broad shoulders—his built frame peeking through his campus sweater. You pinched yourself. Who cares if Junghwan grew up a little?

You cleared your throat. No. No matter how awkward all this was, how rocky your history was; you still needed to be strong, reliable. Junghwan was still your junior, after all. 

“So, you excited?” you wanted to slap yourself. What kind of question was that?

“Yeah,” Junghwan hummed a chuckle, maybe out of pity. You weren’t sure. “A little nervous, though.”

“Why? ‘Cause of classes?” You were just trying to make conversation, but maybe a part of you was concerned. Old habits die hard, anyway. 

Junghwan paused for a few long seconds, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Right. Classes.”

Your eyes furrowed at his weird, hesitant tone, but you brushed those thoughts away. You shine a bogus smile his way—the brighter the smile, the more convincing the lie. “Well, you can always ask for help!”

Junghwan hummed another smile—this time softer, more fragile. More genuine. His eyes never daring to let go of your frame. It made you insanely self aware of your own skin, your own being. You were being read like a book; though you doubt it was much of a page turner. You instinctively shield your torso with your crossed arms.

“It’s good to see you again, y/n.”

You stammered over his words, his very unexpected words. “Oh, uh, you too.”

Another blanket of silence fell on top of you, giving you ample time to reset; to compose yourself from the mess you were becoming. You cleared your throat, eyes darting straight towards the window. Junghwan, meanwhile, tucked both hands in his back pockets, eyes doing all they can to avoid your line of sight, as he sucked in air through his pursed lips. 

“I guess I should head out, too—”

Junghwan pivots to you, hurried. 

“Actually—I do have a favour to ask.”

“He asked you for a campus tour?” Your friend Winnie asked before popping a comically large cheeto in her mouth. Her munches and crunches filled the air of your shared apartment as you sunk into the couch—utterly defeated. 

“And I said yes,” You whined into the fabric of your throw pillow. 

Winnie only giggles, popping another chip and munching happily. “Girl, relax. You’re literally the only person he knows right now. Better to go with you than be lost on the first day.”

You grumble. You hated how level-headed she was. “But everything’s gonna be so awkward. We haven’t talked in years—”

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” Winnie shrugs. 

You could only groan. Winnie was right, you were being dramatic. So what if So Junghwan suddenly trudged back into your life, after leaving without a trace. You should be totally normal about this. 

You slap yourself back to reality as you roll your limp body over, finally catching your breath after covering your face with the pillow. You flit your phone open, fiddling with the first arbitrary app you come across. Winnie does the same before her voice peaks up again. 

“So, what about Eunhyeok?”

Your ears barely drown out the looped audio of the internet video plastered on your phone screen as your mind draws to a blank. “...Who?” 

Winnie’s eyebrow cocks to the sky. “Eunhyeok. The guy from social econ last year? Mr. ‘first talking stage in forever?’”

Your eyes widen. Right. Your mind has been so occupied with the new school semester starting and helping Junghwan move cities that you completely forgot about your date next week with Kwon Eunhyeok —a guy you only shared 

one (1) class with before finding him on a dating app last month. You heave a sigh, leaning back on the plush of the couch as more weight has been added to the boulder of burden on your shoulders. 

“Don’t tell me Mr. "Freshman’s’ got you all distracted, now.” Winnie teased, a stupid grin contaminating her face. You roll your eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

“My girl’s the main character of a love triangle, ooh!” Winnie pestered, belting a laugh as you groaned in response, making your way towards the kitchen. You swing the fridge door open, letting the cool air refresh you as you reach in to grab a can of soda. Maybe that would alleviate the burning rush of your cheeks. 

Would it stop your erratic heart beat, too? 

“Over here is the campus gym,” Winnie jutted her finger towards the building on her right, large windows showcasing the different gym equipment scattered all over the floor. Her arm then pivoted, pointing straight towards the open bed of grass, basking in the afternoon sun. “This is the field—it’s supposed to be where the teams practice, but really students come here when they wanna skip.” 

You and Junghwan, at opposite ends of Winnie's shoulders, laugh timidly. You knew you had to give Junghwan a tour today, but you also knew you needed some kind of assistance. It was the only way you'd come out of this alive, sanity unharmed. So, you let Winnie take the lead, letting yourself hide in the sidelines. 

“That being said, I better not catch you here!” Winnie jabbed a finger towards Junghwan’s chest, to which he responded by holding up both hands in surrender, eyes flitting back to you for a split second. “Yes, ma'am!”

“Hey, y/n!” a voice closely trailed behind Junghwan’s boom of a voice. The voice was faint, as if it was carried and coddled by the wind. Filtered through the breeze. Nevertheless, you could tell it was coming from the direction of the field. Your head shot up towards the air, your eyes landing on a small huddle of guys at the centre of the grass. The one in the middle rolled a soccer ball between his foot and the grass, while the other two kicked at the grass, hands shoved deep in their pockets. As you walked closer to the field, the man in the middle began to look more and more familiar. It was Kwon Eunhyeok. 

Eunhyeok had a cheeky grin plastered on his face as he waved his hand in a ‘come here' motion. “You wanna play?”

You couldn't help but furrow your brows. You've never told him anything about liking or playing sports—because you definitely didn't. “Um…”

“It's 2v2, but we need one more player. Wanna join?” 

You hugged your shoulders, looking around aimlessly. Though really you were just looking for an apt escape. “I dunno—”

“I'll do it.”

Everyone’s heads snapped towards the timid freshman, who’s voice had finally spoken up after staying quiet for an abnormally long time. One hand lazily in the air while the other fiddled with belt loops in his pants. Silence swiftly fogged over the group as the boys looked at each other. 

“You don't have to,” you tried to butt in. You didn't want to bother him with this, nor did you even want to stay out here any longer.

Besides, the idea of Junghwan and Eunhyeok interacting shot a weird feeling down your stomach.

“I’ll be fine,” Junghwan shot a quick yet soft smile at you, and you gulped; his eye smile suddenly making you feel the need to drink water. Slowly, Junghwan slid off the straps of his backpack and dropped it onto the grassy field, his black zip up hoodie quickly following suit. You unfortunately took note of his newly revealed short sleeves—not too tight, yet not too loose—and, now, you really wished you had some water on you.

When you snap back to reality, the boys make their decision, welcoming the freshman into their group easily. “Alright, man. Let’s play!”

The breeze was cold against your skin. 

You sat dead centre of the vast campus quad, knees tucked in against your chest, your chin hammocked on your knuckles as they clung onto your kneecaps. You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed to watch those boys play soccer. Heaven knows you didn’t enjoy it, and Winnie wasn’t even around anymore. Instead, she was allowed to hide away in the safe haven of her evening class. Lucky.

You glance up, eyes latching onto Junghwan, who was currently locked in the game. His back was hunched over as he clung onto his knees, sweat pooling on his shirt. 

You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed, but something in you told you to stay—and your body obeyed like a puppet to its strings, apparently.

Junghwan doesn’t wait long. A few seconds later, he’s back with the main group, tossing the soccer ball and pushing the tall blades of grass beneath it. Nevertheless, your eyes linger— stupidly so. They linger as his hair flies against the wind, brushing entirely away from his face. They watch Junghwan’s broad shoulders practically shining through his supposedly loose t-shirt, the way his back tensed beneath each and every movement. You watch his muscles flex as he ran to the ball. You gulp. Has he been working out that much since you last talked? 

A huge smile swipes across his face, his eyes lost in the crescent moons of his eye smile. Your heart skips a beat. 

You choke. You didn’t find Junghwan attractive, did you? 

You wonder where that cold breeze went. It would’ve been helpful in calming down your skin—which was currently being lit on fire. 

“HEADS!”

The boom of Eunhyeok’s voice shook you to reality *thank god*. The ball had seemingly lost control, soaring through the air like a deadly shooting star. Everyone else had already run to take cover. their arms enveloping their heads in makeshift helmets. All except one; Junghwan, who was now standing still in the middle of  the field, facing you. Too bad the ball was, in fact, heading in his direction. 

THWACK!

The ball struck head first against Jungwhan’s, well, head. The taut rubber smushed Junghwan’s nose, definitely bruising something. It sent the poor freshmen straight to the ground, blades of dead grass shooting up into the sky upon impact. 

The boys only stood around in shock, only taking a few steps towards Junghwan’s body. You, on the other hand, sprinted towards him. You weren’t sure why, but it felt like second nature. You helped the freshman gently sit up into a sitting position, immediately scanning his face and head for prominent and dangerous injuries. Aside from some scratches and light bruising along his cheeks, there was nothing. You rolled out a sigh of relief. 

“Hi,” Junghwan peeked through his fallen bangs, voice soft and timid.

“Hi,” your lips curled into a smile without realising, your mind suddenly forgetting all your recent qualms of late. “I have a first aid kit at my place, should we stop by?”

Junghwan sucked air through his teeth sharply, eyes crinkling shut as he winced from the pain of the ointment. You felt his large hands cling onto your wrists, desperate for you to stop the torture. However, you could tell Junghwan was still restraining himself from using his full strength on you. 

“Ouch!” Junghwan yelped. Again. 

“How does this hurt more than the ball?” 

Junghwan pauses, cheeks suddenly turning rosy. “It burns, okay!”

You only sigh. “I’m almost done, anyway. Just stay still.”

You bickered back and forth. It was odd. This was the most you talked to So Junghwan in over 3 years—but it all felt natural. You weren’t sure why.

After Junghwan finally decided to comply, you finished the last of ointment application, and sealed each wound with a bandaid. Wiping off the excess with a tissue, you let Junghwan go. 

Except he didn’t. He stayed there, face inches away from yours as you sat on the plush of your bed. Your knees rested against his hip; it was the only way you could balance without the use of your hands. You felt his breath graze against your cheek; short and shallow. It reminded you to breathe. Junghwan gazed up at you, his eyes glistened amidst the ebony skyline shining through your bedroom window—never daring to let your eyes go. 

That familiar odd feeling whirled in your stomach again. 

After clearing your chest, you both bounce away from each other, eyes finally severing their connection. Your feet hung off the edge of the bed while Junghwan rested further back on his outstretched arms. You watched as his hand tensed and relaxed, crinkling the fabric of your bedsheets. 

“There,” you muttered meekly. “You’re all good.”

Junghwan stared blankly, grazing a light finger across his newly patched up wounds. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” you purse your lips. 

Long gone was the laid back, relaxed feeling you had earlier. You stood up from the bed, dragging the bedsheet down slightly before packing up the first aid kit and hiding it away in your closet. 

Even now, you're still the girl that babied him too much. 

Junghwan hung his head low, fiddling with his thumbs before slowly lifting his eyes back up to face you. He hesitated for a bit, lips parted before he remembered to take a breath. A deep breath. 

“You still take care of me, huh? Even after all these years.”

Your eyes grow wide at Junghwan’s words. What was he talking about? Was he referring to all those times back when you were kids? Those moments you swore to forget. Those moments that came hurdling back into your stubborn little brain the moment Junghwan enrolled in your university. 

You purse your lips before uttering softly. “I thought you forgot about that.”

Junghwan softly grins, “How could I?”

Your eyebrows furrowed, your heart bouncing beneath your ribs. It makes a nervous leap, getting stuck in your windpipe. What did he mean by that?

“Well, it’s been a while” You kept your eyes on the evening skyline, each apartment light shining like a star in the night. Nevertheless, you watched Junghwan through your peripheral vision. You watched as his eyes finally let go of your frame, his head once again hanging low. 

“It really has,” Junghwans voice didn’t reach past a whisper. 

The room was enveloped in—you guessed it—awkward silence. You’d think you’d build some kind of immunity to it at this point, but that wasn’t the case. You still managed to suffocate. You turn to fully face Junghwan, whose expression turned flat, stoic. He stood up from the bed, bedsheets leaving an imprint of his frame. 

“Maybe we can restart?” He asks

You blink, gulping once more. So Junghwan—the boy you spent your whole childhood with, the boy who disappeared from your life without a trace. The boy you babied too much. So Junghwan wanted a second chance. 

Your mind thought it was crazy. Too bad you never listened to it. 

“Sure.”

“You’re going on a date?” Junghwan asked, sipping on a juice box he insisted he’d pay for as you trudged your way home. Well, your home, to be exact. Junghwan also insisted he’d walk you and Winnie home after all your classes. Seems like Junghwan was taking this second chance thing seriously. 

“Yeah, and guess what?” Winnie chimed in, as preppy as usual—she was always like this when it came to your love life, though there wasn’t much to report. “It’s with that Eunhyeok guy—the one from the field the other day. You remember him?”

Suddenly, Junghwan’s face turns serious, stoic, as his eyes trail the sidewalk. He sipped until bubbles popped inside his straw. “Yeah. I do.”

You were sandwiched between their two figures, quietly sipping your soda. You raise your hand and wave it frantically. “Can we stop talking about it? It’s not a big deal.”

“Tell me you’re at least a little excited about it?” Winnie tilted her head, her bangs falling over her long eyelashes. You bit your lip, glancing over at Junghwan, whose wide eyes suggested he was curious about this, too. 

“Yeah, I—AH!”

Your undone shoelaces saved you the burden of having to lie. The strings scattered across the pavement, landing right in front of the area you were going to take your next steps. The front of your sneaker had clung onto your other shoe’s laces, causing you to trip on your own two feet—like an idiot. You only wince, squeezing your eyes shut to brace for impact before you hit the ground. 

You’d hit the ground. Any day now. 

But you didn’t. Instead, you felt a force envelope your shoulders and back. Your head hung in the air, your eyes meeting a distorted view of the clouds above. You tense your neck, scouring to find this mysterious force that had caught you out of thin air. A part of you wishes you didn’t. 

Nevertheless, you open your eyes to a worried Junghwan. His arms cradled you against his chest, a hand tightly gripping your bicep. He’s got you hanging in thin air, in a way that resembles tango dancers at the end of their performance. His face was inches away from yours, puffs of his air blowing onto your cheeks—your very warm cheeks.  

“You alright?” Junghwan asked, rather hastily. 

Your mind drew to a complete blank before you could respond. “Uh, um—yeah. I’m good.” 

Junghwan heaved a sigh of relief before standing you up straight—lord knows you were too dazed to do it yourself—and loosening his grip around your shoulders. He avoided your gaze, face painted a blaring red as he dipped down to your feet. Junghwan proceeded to loop his fingers around your loose laces, tying them into pretty double knots; safe and sound. 

“Be careful, okay?” Junghwan gazed up at you, his adam's apple bobbing up and down and his eyes shaking. Your heart was quaking in the confines of your rib cage, like a feral beast trying to escape. You weren’t sure if it was from the near fall from your trip, or if it was from your heart being utterly, terribly, stupid. 

The library was, uncharacteristically enough, loud. 

It was the table beside you, lined completely with utter buffoons of freshman. They had the audacity to play a chaotic card game amidst you and other university students who were desperately cramming for their midterms. They didn’t have a shred of remorse, either. Not even bothering to glance around at the students who were currently giving them death stares. The louder they’d holler or slap their hand on the table, the closer you were to seeing red. 

You grumbled in your seat, thumb clicking at your pen profusely as you held it centimetres before your noticeably blank notepad page. 

“Woah okay, don’t kill them, please,” Junghwan’s voice was laced with worry, understandably—you did consider it for a bit. Junghwan sat beside you, his once laid back figure now hunched forward, his big hand clung onto your tensed wrist. The warmth of his skin was enough to calm you down, apparently. Your head pivots back to Junghwan’s direction, your eyes immediately linking up with his. His face glistened under the golden hour sunlight, acting like the spotlight in a theatre with how it only shined on him. You watched his hair burn a bright auburn, his eyes carried in them a swirl of stars. 

You gulped at the sight, completely forgetting about those annoying freshmen. Or anyone else, for that matter. 

“Whatever,” your hand slips from his grasp quickly, though your skin felt a twinge of coldness, loneliness, after the fact. You clear your throat. “How do you deal with them? I think I’d lose my mind.”

Junghwan gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. A finger tapped at the headphone set that hung snug around his neck. “With these. They’re noise cancelling.”

You turn your head to the front, avoiding Junghwan’s gaze after staring at his oddly chiselled jaw for longer than wanted. “Lucky.”

You glanced back at the rowdy table, still stagnant and unmoving from their loud and aggravating presence. Sure they were still ear piercing, but now you could barely hear them over your beating heart, pounding so loud you could hear it in your ears. 

You sensed some rummaging behind you before you turned around, curiosity getting the best of you. Your eyes are met with a sweetly grinning Junghwan as he pulls off his headphones, adjusts their size, and gently slides them on your head. His hand slides off your head, but not before running a finger through your hair. His smile grows wider. “There, now you can focus.”

Your heart skips a beat as your eyes widen. “What—what about you?”

Junghwan ever so softly flicks your nose with his finger. “Quit worrying about me, already. You deserve to study in peace.”

“Oh,” You gulp again, heart still pounding in your chest. “Thanks.”

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

You knew it was redundant to say, but you just wanted to make it clear. So Junghwan was just a friend; A friend you had hung out with more than your other friends in your year, by now. You would study together, walk home together—Junghwan insisted the walk back to his dorm didn’t bother him—and even eat out together. You two even developed a new bond over finding new cuisines to try. 

But all that eating out eventually led to near empty wallets, so you suggested an alternative for this afternoon; cooking. It was high time Junghwan learned how to cook for himself, anyway. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder as you guided the poor, lost freshman on how to properly cut vegetables. The final boss? The yellow onion. 

“What happens when it stings too much?” Junghwan whined, one eye practically glued shut while the other peeked open ever so slightly. Though, that eye was too busy swelling in tears. You giggle as you watch him. 

“You’re just supposed to deal with it, really.” You only shrug as an ailed sound emits from Junghwan’s mouth. 

Soon enough, all the torture food preparation was complete, and the two of you pivoted to face your apartment's kitchen. You heated a pan on the stove, drizzled on oil, and got to work. Junghwan’s head perched over your shoulder, silently watching. 

Thankfully, your silence wasn’t awkward anymore. It was comfortable, easy. You didn’t think it possible, but you and Junghwan were slowly going back to how things were; going back to being best friends. Sparks popped in your chest at that thought.

“Oh—your date’s tomorrow” Junghwan analysed, eyes flitting back and forth between you and the calendar on the corner of your fridge. “How are you feeling?” 

Though a part of you was thankful for the reminder, you couldn’t help but groan. You were already tired of Winnie’s constant berating concerning the first man to go on a date with you since your failed talking stage in your first year—did Junghwan really have to do the same? “I dunno, haven’t given it much thought.”

“Alright, you player,” Junghwan teased, jabbing your shoulder. Maybe he was spending too much time with Winnie; she could be a bad influence on him. “Just another guy on your roster, huh?”

You roll your eyes to the sky—or, really, the exhaust fan above your stove. “Oh, shut up. Don’t act like you and my brother weren’t with different girls every month back in highschool.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Junghwan scoffed. 

“Don’t play dumb,” you jabbed back as you flung your spatula, unaware of the pieces of vegetables flying in the air. “Just ‘cause we didn’t talk, doesn’t mean I didn’t see things!”

Junghwan lifted his hands in the air, like a criminal caught red handed. “I swear! I didn’t do any of that.”

You turned to face him. “Then who were all those girls you'd hang around with on campus?”

Junghwan scratched the nape of his neck. “They were just friends… I’ve actually never dated, or even kissed a girl before.” 

You gulp. Had your perceptions all been wrong? You were positive the reason why Junghwan stopped talking to you in the first place was to make room for more girls in his life. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Junghwan fiddled with the hem of his apron. “I just never knew how it worked—too lazy to learn.”

You turned off the stove, your brain switching onto a particular idea. It might’ve been sick and twisted, but maybe it was just what you needed. 

“What if I teach you?”

Junghwan’s eyes practically spilt out of their sockets. You didn’t blame him; what you said was crazy. But you had your reasons. You needed to prove that you didn’t find So Junghwan attractive; that you didn’t wanna cross the boundary of best friends with him; that those past moments of your heart slipping up were none other than random flukes—a way for your heart to tell you your love life was too stagnant. 

“You sure?”

You stared up at him, gulping. “I’m no player, but I’ve had my fair share of kisses… maybe we can practise.”

Your words dwindled to the end once you realised how crazy you sounded. Gosh, if you didn’t know any better, you sounded like you were hitting on him. Your stomach churned at the thought. Your cheeks flared up in response. But it didn’t matter, Junghwan was your friend. You were doing this for a reason. For clarity. For closure. 

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

Junghwan was almost as red as the tomatoes in your frying pan. “O-okay.”

You were kissing So Junghwan.

Or more accurately, Junghwan was kissing you. 

As you stood in the middle of your living room, basking in the afternoon sunlight, your lips melted into one—easily, you observed. You also observed how soft Junghwan’s touch was. His hand trailed from the shell of your ear after brushing your hair away from your face, to cupping the side of your cheek. The graze of his fingertips sent chills through your skin. His fingers lifted your head ever so slightly, combating your towering height difference. His other hand didn’t even flinch as it stayed at his side; in fear of crossing an unwanted boundary. An odd swirl spun at the pit of your stomach. Your heart tripped and face planted on its two feet. Multiple times.

Wasn’t Junghwan supposed to be bad at this? 

Overwhelmed, you couldn’t muster much movement on your end. All your measly mind could think of was to cling onto his broad shoulders, which were hunched over to reach your frame closer—practically enveloping you. You hated how gentle he was, considering how strong you knew him to be. It was doing weird things to your mind. You clung onto the fabric of his sweater; desperate and confused.  

What was Junghwan doing to you?

After what seems like centuries, your lips finally plop apart. Your figures hesitate to move apart, your breaths both short and shallow—he quite literally took your breath away. Your eyes naturally link with his, a red string of fate hanging in the balance. You really hoped Winnie wasn’t gonna come home anytime soon. A sudden chime of someone’s phone catapulted you back to reality as you jumped away from him. Your eyes avoided his gaze like the plague as your cheeks burned so hot you could cook more of that dish you made earlier. And don’t even get started on your heart beat, your erratic, animalistic heart beat. 

Maybe your little test wasn’t so smart, anymore.

“You–uh,” you stuttered out like an idiot. “You’re pretty good…”

You glance back at Junghwan, who’s red stained cheeks and ears, paired with eyes practically glued to your wooden floor, suggest that he was just as much of a mess as you were. At least there was that. Junghwan clung onto the nape of his neck like a life force. “R-really?”

So Junghwan was the death of you. “Y-yeah. You don’t need my help.”

Awkward silence, your old friend. 

“I–uh,” Junghwan’s voice didn’t reach past a whisper. “I should probably go.”

“Okay,” you replied, grateful for the leeway he was giving your heart. Though, an empty feeling began crawling up your chest, too. You watched as Junghwan scurried out the door, the boom of it shutting barely overpowering the crazy thumps of your heart beat. 

So Junghwan was so cooked. 

He stumbled out of your apartment complex, dazed and confused. His heart clawed profusely at his ribcage, like a feral animal—just itching to jump out and splat on the road. He clenched his chest, lost at a shortness of breath. He thought back to your kiss; your supple lips locked against his. He thought about how you melted into his chest, how your skin felt so warm, it was like he was dreaming. Maybe he didn’t wanna wake up. Scratch that—he wasn’t just thinking about all that. The image was tattooed in his brain, forever. 

He’s done it. He’s officially gone too far. 

Junghwan wasn’t supposed to expose himself so…idiotically. He planned to be more composed, untroubled. Was he just supposed to confess his life long crush on his best friend like a loser? 

You were the love of So Junghwan’s life, the apple of his eye. He’s loved you since you were kids. He loved everything about you; from the way you lit up any room with your smile, to the way you’d always put others before yourself every chance you got. You had him wrapped around your finger; anything you did gave him butterflies. He’s always believed he hit the jackpot the moment he met you.

He also believed he absolutely fumbled that jackpot the moment he distanced himself from you. The more time he spent with you, the more he realised you’d never love him back. You were too busy babying him. In your eyes, Junghwan would never be your equal. So, by the time he entered highschool, he opted to give up. 

Foolishly, he thought he could still keep your friendship as he tried to get over you. Quickly, however, he learnt that it wasn’t possible. Your constant, beautiful presence always sent a punch to his gut, a guilty feeling squeezing at his heart. So he finally decided, it was time to end your friendship, once and for all, even if it meant hurting you in the process. Lord knows it tore his heart into pieces, too.

It also didn’t even work. 

Junghwan didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse that he got accepted into the university you happened to be attending. Sure, maybe he was the fool for applying there in the first place last fall, but still. The one thing he did know was that he’d lose his mind the moment he’d see you again. He knew he’d combust the moment you’d look at him with your beautiful eyes one more time. 

Nevertheless, something in his resolve had switched. His chest puffed out, his heart beat faster. With the years of distancing himself from you behind him, Junghwan was a changed man. And he was going to prove it to you. 

Or he was, until he completely fumbled the bag just now.

Trudging home with heavy shoulders, Junghwan rummaged in his sweater pocket, fingers easily finding what it needed to. He pulls out a pink, frilly scrunchie, grazing the soft fabric between his fingertips. The elastic could barely fit over just two of his large fingers, but that didn’t stop him from taking the scrunchie everywhere he went. 

It was the scrunchie from the day he first fell for you, after all.

“Fuck,” Junghwan huffed.

“Sorry I’m late!” Eunhyeok’s voice peaks in your ears, causing you to look up from your phone. He walks up to you, holding a lazy but apologetic hand up in the air. You glanced back at your phone quickly; the time was 3:58—around 30 minutes past your originally discussed meeting time.  

“No worries! I just got here,” You lied anyway. That was custom for first dates, apparently. 

You were meeting up with Kwon Eunhyeok for your very important, once in a lifetime—according to Winne, anyway—date. It wasn’t that you weren’t excited for today. The idea of going on a date for the first time in what felt like ages did excite you, slightly. You allowed yourself to get dolled up a little, too—dawning your favourite maxi shirt and a bow that completely your half up-half down hair look.  

It’s not like you weren’t excited for this date—there were just other things that stubbornly occupied your mind at the moment. 

You didn’t expect Junghwan’s kiss to stay so vivid in your mind for so long. You allowed yourself maybe 30 minutes to properly freak out about how good he kissed you; how he kissed you in a way that made you gut wrench, your head spin. How he kissed you in a way that makes you rethink everything. You were only allowed 30 minutes for all of that. But when you woke up this morning with So Junghwan running in your mind, you knew you were fucked. 

You thought back to the past month with So Junghwan. The boy you grew up with, your brother’s best friend. The man that, in the past month, showed a completely new side of himself, and it was making you go crazy. 

Were you on a date with the wrong person?

“Where we headed first?” Eunhyeok asked, his gaze locked on something behind you as he shoved both hands down his pockets. You gave him a quizzical look. “I thought you said you’d plan everything? I didn’t give it much thought…”

“Oh—right.” Eunhyeok’s voice grew quiet. He picked at his lips, swiping at his phone screen. “Well, I’ll look up some places, I guess. ” 

You wished you could roll your eyes right now. 

After stopping underneath a well shaded tree to look for nice places in the area, the two of you finally went on your way. While your time was eventful—you visited a variety of places, including the trendy and overpriced coffee shop, the park, and dinner at a place he couldn’t stop talking about—you couldn’t muster up any feeling of excitement. Sure you had fun, but this seemed like nothing more than a simple platonic day out. And judging off of Eunhyeok’s laid back, borderline bored attitude, you could guess he felt the same. 

Besides, you still couldn’t shake Junghwan out of your mind. 

The sky was painted a deep orange as you and Eunhyeok walked to the train station. Ribbons of white and pink scattered across the sky, twinges of blue laced at the corners. It was beautiful. You wished Junghwan was here to see it. 

You and Eunhyeok said your goodbyes as you hopped on your respective trains. You weren’t getting a text back from that guy, you knew it. And yet, that didn’t seem to bother you. 

Junghwan was seeing you today. 

Though, it was gonna be painfully one sided—because he wasn’t going to meet with you, no. Instead, he was joining a very hyper Winnie in stalking your date with that Eunhyeok guy. 

To say Junghwan was sceptical about Winnie’s insane and creepy idea would be a deep understatement. FIrstly—and more prominently—he wasn’t even sure if this was legal, let alone a good thing to do. What if someone saw him? Or worse, what if you saw him? Lord knows he's anything but ready to see you after the kiss that stole his breath. Nevertheless, he tagged along. That Eunhyeok guy rubbed him the wrong way, and it was an excuse to see you in a cute outfit. 

“You sure this is a good idea?” Junghwan whispered, face practically smushed into the decorative bush outside the train station. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Winnie whisper-shouted back, her whole figure enveloped by the same bush. “I think I see her!”

Junghwan’s heart pounded in his chest, though he wasn’t sure if it was from being caught by the cops, or by you. God, what if you thought he was some weirdo after this? He’d pass away, actually. 

He took note of what you were wearing; the maxi shirt that made you look like a princess, and the hair bow that completed your royal look. It warmed his heart knowing you still liked hair accessories just as you did as a kid. 

Gosh, you looked beautiful.

Junghwan’s eyes latched onto a figure of a dude slowly jogging to you. His words were inaudible, but the view of your smile in response was enough to make Junghwan’s blood boil. What was so funny? Junghwan gulped. He knew he was funnier, there was no doubt about it. You didn’t even need to go on this date in the first place. 

Winnie adjusted her stance, causing a branch from the bush to move. The Eunhyeok guy’s eyes snap towards his direction as Jungwhan freezes like a deer in headlights. Was he fucked?

Eunhyeok’s eyes linger in the air before finally reaching Junghwan’s. Like an idiot, Junghwan stared back. He was fucked. 

Eunhyeok’s eyes finally flit back to you, mumbling something inaudible again before the two of you walk away. Jungwhan and Winnie follow suit, Junghwan’s heart still pounding in his chest. 

—

“So, how's Junghwan?” Jeongwoo’s voice chimed through the phone. You purse your lips. As if you haven’t been thinking about him enough. You clear your throat, gracing your twin brother with a response. “He’s, uh, good.”

There was a pause on Jeongwoo’s line. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, no, it’s all good.” You realise your double usage of the word ‘good’ makes you sound even more suspicious. 

“What, you guys kiss or something?” Jeongwoo teased, his peculiar words sending your heart into full attack mode. Your heart leaped from your chest, your eyes spilling from your sockets. Your mind flits back to the image of Junghwan, his hand snug against your cheek as he stole your heart like a ruthless burglar.

“WHAT? NO!”

“Jesus, calm down,” Jeongwoo whined. “I was only joking, relax!”

You stayed silent. 

“Unless something actually happened?”

No. Nothing happened. Only So Junghwan, who came crawling back to your life after years, turning into a whole new person, and was turning your world upside down. Junghwan didn’t do anything—he just manages to swirl butterflies in your stomach with his handsome smile and chivalrous ways, make your heart skip multiple beats with his cute jokes and even cuter habits, take your breath away as he kissed you like a man who's been starved to near death.

Nothing happened. You just fell in love with your—and your brother’s—best friend. You heave a sigh. It felt freeing—finally admitting to it.

But it didn’t matter. He was still your best friend. You would die before you told him the truth.

“I gotta go, Woo.” Overwhelmed, you suddenly mumble into the phone. You barely hear his confused reaction as you click the phone off, chest sparking with adrenalin you haven’t felt in awhile. You trudge to your bathroom, in desperate need of a splash of water to refresh yourself and your mind. 

You can’t tell Junghwan. No matter what.

In the corner of your eye, however, you see Winnie skip up towards you a bright smile on her face. 

“Hey,” Winnie twirled a strand of hair between her fingers. “Found a couple packs of beer in the pantry. You wanna drink tonight?”

“Sure” You shrug. You definitely needed it after the month you had.

“Great! I’ll invite Junghwan, too!” Winnie cheered before skipping away. 

Great. 

Junghwan didn’t know you were a light-weight. 

But here you were, sprawled out on your living room couch, with a rosy face as multiple (3) beer cans scattered over the floor. Your head barely grazed his thigh, your hair spreading across his lap, each strand following the creases of his jeans. Junghwan couldn’t help but smile; you were the cutest drunk person he's ever seen.

Maybe for tonight, he can forget about fucking up any chance he had of staying your friend.

“Oh god,” Concerned, Winnie hid her mouth behind her hands as she looked over at you. She looks back up at Junghwan. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t think she’d get like that.”

Junghwan waved a lenient hand. “It’s all good.”

“She’s probably still grovelling over Eunhyeok. Poor girl got ghosted.” Winnie muttered. The mention of his name left a bitter taste in Junghwan’s mouth, but at least he was out of the picture. Winnie shot up from the couch, shuffling to the kitchen. “I’ll see if we have anything to fix…that.”

Junghwan pursed his lips, gazing at how your eyelashes swooped beneath your eyelids so beautifully. There’s nothing to fix. Even as a drunk mess—you were still perfect.

Winnie soon disappeared into the pantry, and Junghwan felt some shuffling at the edge of his thigh. He glanced down, watching your figure shift around your area of the couch. You began by slowly turning over, your cheeks squished against the backrest. You then murmured something completely incoherent—like a baby saying their first words. You melted Junghwan’s heart into a lovesick puddle as Junghwan gently brushed the hairs away from your face, taking care of you in any way he knew he could. 

Maybe Junghwan let his guard down too soon. 

You proceeded to messily crawl up a bit, resting your head on Junghwan’s lap. Junghwan’s skin ignited at your touch. He gulped, bullets of sweat running down his forehead. What were you doing? Were you trying to kill him?

You flopped over so that your flushed, rosy face was facing up at him. “Junghwanie.” 

Junghwan blinked. “Yeah?”

“Mmm I think I’m in trouble,” you mumbled some more. Junghwan knew you were just speaking gibberish, but a part of him couldn’t ignore you. 

“I think I’m falling for you.”

Junghwan choked. 

“There’s something about you lately… you’re so caring and sweet—but like more than before. And then we kissed, and it made me more confused. No one’s kissed me like that before…”

You fell asleep before Junghwan could compose himself, your soft snores filling up the living room. He could only scoff. While the walls of your apartment closed in on him, his heart jumped in and out of his chest, and reality as he knew it began to shatter—you were peacefully asleep. 

Junghwan gripped at his chest, which was bubbling up with adrenaline. You liked him back? He had a chance?

“I like you, too,” Junghwan whispered back. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“I’m back!” Winnie chimed in, catapulting Junghwan back to reality. 

No, no, no. This wasn’t good. None of this was good. 

I think I’m falling for you. 

Your words from last night replayed in your mind, as if your raging headache from your hangover wasn’t enough torment already. You were pacing back and forth on your living room floor, fingers picking at your lips and eyes quaking side to side. Your heart was popping out of your chest, sweat beaded from your temples. 

Few sips of alcohol and you were off, ruining life long friendships with a single drunken love confession. How stupid were you to let yourself slip up like that? 

“It’s probably fine, y/n” Winnie watched you from the couch, very worried. “You probably didn’t say anything too bad.”

“No.” you mutter, regrettably “I remember what I said.”

“Well, why don’t you go to him?”  Winnie shrugged. How could she be so nonchalant about this? “Talk it through. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same way?”

You stop in your tracks, holding in a scoff. There was no way. He was your childhood best friend. But Winnie was right about one thing. You needed to clear things up. 

You needed to see Junghwan.

“y/n?” Junghwan’s voice was overwhelming with confusion as you stood in the quad, visibly dishevelled and still in your sleepwear. You were lucky you remembered to put on proper shoes. What’s worse? Junghwan wasn’t alone. He—and by proxy, you—was surrounded by other students, presumably his friends. You forgot he hung out with people aside from you. 

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure,” Junghwan stuttered before whisking you away, one hand at the small of your back. His touch made your stomach swirl. The two of you stood along the side of the nearest campus building, his tall frame casting a shadow over you. 

“Oh yeah, almost forgot,” Junghwan’s eyes lit up, brows shooting up to the sky.  Slipping his bag off his shoulders, he pulls out a smaller bag before handing it to you. “Made some food for you. Hopefully it helps with the hangover.”

“Thanks,” you gulp. Only Junghwan would think of something like this—something that would make your heart melt to the ground. Nevertheless, Junghwan remembered you’d have a hangover, which meant he remembered how drunk you were last night. 

“I’m sorry about what I said last night!” You suddenly blurt out, head hanging low. “I wasn’t thinking right, clearly, and—”

“What?” Junghwan’s voice was shaky, worried. “You’re taking it back?”

“You’re one of my best friends, Junghwan. What I said wasn’t right. I don’t want to ruin what we have, especially right after I got you back.” You gulp, your words turning sour and bitter on your tongue. Each sentence broke your heart into pieces. You were placing a wall between you and your chance at happiness, after all. 

“What about what I want?” Junghwan’s voice suddenly grew deep and firm. He slapped a palm onto the brick wall behind you, encasing you in his frame. Chills ran down your spine.“You’re too busy babying me and protecting me, did you forget I get a say in this, too? What if I wanted to take the risk? What if I wanted to make the jump to be with you?

“What are you saying?” you muttered like an idiot. 

Junghwan looks to the side, nervously hiding his face beneath the back of his hand. The shells of his ears grew red. His other hand fell from the wall before reaching into his pants pocket. He pulls out a pink frilly piece of fabric—fabric you recognized instantly. “Last night, the girl of my dreams; the girl that gave me her favourite pink scrunchie, told me she liked me back, and I want nothing more than to take her in my arms right now.” 

Your cheeks flush in heat at his heart fluttering words. Questions ran through your mind like runners in a marathon as your heart beat faster and faster. Junghwan wanted to be with you? You weren’t living in one sided nightmare? Junghwan was willing to risk your friendship for you? Your chest heaved as you clawed at the brick wall behind you—anything for that sense of reality. 

“Did you mean it? What you said last night?” Junghwan’s eyes flit back to you. 

Your heart made one final, courageous leap across your chest. Fuck it. 

“Yeah. I meant it all—I like you, Junghwan. I like you so much.”

The pressure on your shoulders began to float to the sky. This was what it felt like to stop lying to yourself, huh?

Like clockwork, Junghwan pulls you against his chest, his face melting into the crook of your neck. You cling onto his shoulders, grip maybe too tight for your liking. You didn’t want him escaping your grasp anymore. He was gentle, still, but you couldn’t help but notice a sense of urgency in his touch. As if he was waiting all his life for this. “I like you too, y/n.”

You pull away from your embrace, your eyes immediately linking to the sight of his lips. Call yourself selfish, but you needed to kiss the man in front of you. Right now. Judging by the almost ravenous stare from Junghwan’s eyes, it seems he felt the same. 

As if you were starving, you hopelessly clung onto the collar of Junghwan’s shirt, finally linking your lips onto his—genuinely, this time. You move your arms to cling around Junghwan's neck, and his arms loop around your waist. His lips tasted of a weird fruit medley—maybe it's from the gum you gave him last week—but it didn't matter. Sparks still popped against your skin, excitement shocking through your whole body. Junghwan raised a hand snug against the back of your head, protecting you from the brick wall as he leaned in further, deepening your kiss. It made your heart melt into a lovesick puddle beneath your feet. You cling onto the fabric of his collar. Junghwan knew just what to do to take your breath away. 

Slowly, you pull apart, breath shortened, chests heightened, and eyes both full of love. Junghwan keeps his gaze on you, and only you, as he brushes a hair behind your ear. 

“Promise you’ll let me take care of you now?”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. “I promise”

“Gross,” Jeongwoo winces as he studies the decorations on your apartment fridge—specifically, the photo of you and Junghwan, drunkenly asleep and cuddling on the couch. Safe to say, this was the last thing he expected to see on his visit to see his best friend and sister. 

“Shut up—it's cute!” Winnie, the obvious culprit, beams. 

“I tried getting her to take it down, okay,” You argue, fiddling with your boyfriend, Junghwan’s, fingers as his arm rests on your shoulders in a casual side hug. 

“Don’t act so innocent,” Jeongwoo narrows his eyes at the sickeningly sweet couple, jabbing a finger at you and Junghwan. “You guys are too damn clingy.”

Junghwan takes this opportunity to wrap his other arm—as well as one leg—around you. He looked like a big and goofy koala, but that didn't matter to you. “And what about it?” 

You giggle behind Junghwans arm, which was covering practically half of your face. “Yeah!”

“Yuck,” Jeongwoo’s cowers behind his shoulders, and the two of you laugh triumphantly. Your brother and Winnie quickly retire to another part of your apartment, probably to get away from you two. But that didn’t matter. You gave up at Junghwan, his eyes already gazing down at you lovingly. Heat creeped onto your cheeks. 

“Don’t mind them, baby,” Junghwan says with a pout.

You hum in response before Junghwan’s hand pulls you closer by the jaw, linking your lips with his in a sweet kiss. Even now, So Junghwan managed to take your breath away. 

“I know, baby.”

2013. 07. 10

“Junghwanie? What’s wrong?”

Jungwhan could barely look up at you. You watched the boy’s shoulders slump over as he sat on the wood surface, feet bleakly swinging in the air. Dirt and grass littered and stained his knees and elbows.

“Some older kids took my soccer ball—they called me a twerp, too.” Tears welled up in Junghwan’s eyes. It made your heart sink. You jumped up to sit beside him as Junghwan sniffled, snot running down his nose. “Jeongwoo’s trying to get it back for me.”

Your eyes narrowed, watching the older boys further down the field. Two of them kicked the ball between them, while a third held your twin brother by the head in a rough noogie. Seeing it all made your blood boil, your fists shake. Your mom told you about bullying before; how you should never do it, and how you should always help others if they’re being bullied. Your fists balled up tighter and tighter. You needed to help Junghwan. 

You glanced down at your tiny fists. What could you do? You couldn’t do anything. You were just a weak kid. 

An idea spurred in your mind. You scooted closer to the boy beside you. Fiddling with the pink, frilly fabric, you slowly slid off the elastic hung snug against your wrist Maybe you couldn’t fight off some scary middle schooler, but you could at least do this. 

“Here,” You hovered the pink scrunchie in front of Junghwan, a small smile lining your lips as you faced him. “You can have this. Maybe this will cheer you up.”

Junghwan’s eyes widened. “Your scrunchie—isn’t this your favourite?”

“I know, but it makes me happy—hopefully it makes you happy, too!” A grin stretched across your face. 

Junghwan gulped, head still hanging low. His face flushed into a deep red as his eyes flit back and forth between you and his feet. The redness spread onto the shell of his ear as he hid his face beneath his dirtied forearm. 

“Thanks, y/n.” Junghwan finally smiled, your chest sinking in relief. 

2024. 08. 20

“Did we leave anything in the car?” Jeongwoo’s exhaustion spilled through his voice as he cradled his neck with both hands. 

“Don’t think so,” Sweat beaded from his temples as Junghwan hunched forward, gently dropping the cardboard box at his feet. He straightened up, using a forearm to wipe his forehead, pushing back his hair in the process. Junghwan turned to you, an awkward smile lining his lips. “Did you see anything, y/n?”

“Nope.” you pursed your lips, fiddling with a loose piece of tape on one of Junghwan’s miscellaneous boxes—a box you sat on as you unloaded Junghwan’s belongings into his new dorm. 

“Thank fuck,” Jeongwoo heaved a very sigh before plopping onto Junghwan’s new bed, treating it like his own.

So Junghwan—your brother’s best friend, and the youngest of you three—was on his way to begin a new chapter in his life; university. And now, Junghwan was moving to an entirely different city in order to attend university; your university, to be exact. 

He was moving away from his best friend, and moving closer to you—a peculiar set up, considering how far you two had drifted within the past few years. 

So Junghwan was a staple in your life during your childhood. It was you, him, and your brother against the world. The three of you didn’t need anyone else as you went on your daytime adventures to the neighbourhood playground; spending your measly allowance on snacks and sweets from the convenience store down the road from your homes; running away from the dreaded reality of chores and homework. 

Even if the boys were closer, it didn’t stop you from cherishing your friendship with Junghwan; You’d always tag along whenever Jeongwoo would visit his house, you'd bring extra snacks to school just for him. He felt the same, always welcoming you with a warm smile. You babied him, spoiled him silly. He was a year your junior, after all—how much he contrasted against your mischievous, prankster brother didn’t help, either. He was the only one of your brother’s friends you genuinely cared for. 

Once you entered highschool, however, the distance between you two only grew. Junghwan talked to you less, reserving all his attention to girls in his class and your own brother. Soon enough, the childhood trio you grew up with began to dissolve, fade away—leaving the infamous duo, and you in its wake. 

You decided to just shrug it off, opting to focus on your own life, your own friendships. Maybe he got tired of you. Maybe it was just a part of growing up.  

Maybe you were just the girl who babied him too much.

Which brings you back to the present, in which you were helping Junghwan move into his university dorm. Not because you were friends, but because you so happened to be the only one in the area. 

“Think I’m gonna head out.” Jeongwoo abruptly huffed out, shaking you back to reality. In one swift movement, Jeongwoo slid his car keys off the wood of the desk and looped them around his finger. Rising up at the foot of Junghwan’s mattress, Jeongwoo spun the clanking metal around before catching it with the rest of his hand. Junghwan followed suit, arms automatically up and out for your twin brother. 

You watched as the boys hugged and said their goodbyes. You couldn’t help but smile at the heartwarming sight. For second, it made you forget about this very very awkward set up. 

“Bye, loser,” Jeongwoo hummed into the crook of your neck as you hugged your brother goodbye. You glanced up, your eyes making contact with Junghwan’s frame. Your eyes trail up, noticing Junghwan’s eyes flit away from what looked like your direction, and his adam’s apple erratically bobbing up and down. You furrow your brows, taking note of the redness spreading over the curve of Junghwan’s ear. 

With a slam of the door, Jeongwoo was gone—and only then did your entire body freeze. 

You and Junghwan stood stagnant in the middle of his cramped dorm room. Awkward silence filled the air—filling your lungs and suffocating your chest. That's what you told yourself, anyway. You totally weren’t finding excuses to not talk to the boy you haven’t talked to in years. Totally. 

Only now have you gotten a proper chance to really look at Junghwan; really capture how much he's changed since you last saw him. This was probably his third growth spurt by now, with the way his figure towered over you. You studied the way his chestnut hair fell gently below his eyes, and how it was parted not at the middle, but slightly to the left. You caught a few glimpses of his broad shoulders—his built frame peeking through his campus sweater. You pinched yourself. Who cares if Junghwan grew up a little?

You cleared your throat. No. No matter how awkward all this was, how rocky your history was; you still needed to be strong, reliable. Junghwan was still your junior, after all. 

“So, you excited?” you wanted to slap yourself. What kind of question was that?

“Yeah,” Junghwan hummed a chuckle, maybe out of pity. You weren’t sure. “A little nervous, though.”

“Why? ‘Cause of classes?” You were just trying to make conversation, but maybe a part of you was concerned. Old habits die hard, anyway. 

Junghwan paused for a few long seconds, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Right. Classes.”

Your eyes furrowed at his weird, hesitant tone, but you brushed those thoughts away. You shine a bogus smile his way—the brighter the smile, the more convincing the lie. “Well, you can always ask for help!”

Junghwan hummed another smile—this time softer, more fragile. More genuine. His eyes never daring to let go of your frame. It made you insanely self aware of your own skin, your own being. You were being read like a book; though you doubt it was much of a page turner. You instinctively shield your torso with your crossed arms.

“It’s good to see you again, y/n.”

You stammered over his words, his very unexpected words. “Oh, uh, you too.”

Another blanket of silence fell on top of you, giving you ample time to reset; to compose yourself from the mess you were becoming. You cleared your throat, eyes darting straight towards the window. Junghwan, meanwhile, tucked both hands in his back pockets, eyes doing all they can to avoid your line of sight, as he sucked in air through his pursed lips. 

“I guess I should head out, too—”

Junghwan pivots to you, hurried. 

“Actually—I do have a favour to ask.”

“He asked you for a campus tour?” Your friend Winnie asked before popping a comically large cheeto in her mouth. Her munches and crunches filled the air of your shared apartment as you sunk into the couch—utterly defeated. 

“And I said yes,” You whined into the fabric of your throw pillow. 

Winnie only giggles, popping another chip and munching happily. “Girl, relax. You’re literally the only person he knows right now. Better to go with you than be lost on the first day.”

You grumble. You hated how level-headed she was. “But everything’s gonna be so awkward. We haven’t talked in years—”

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” Winnie shrugs. 

You could only groan. Winnie was right, you were being dramatic. So what if So Junghwan suddenly trudged back into your life, after leaving without a trace. You should be totally normal about this. 

You slap yourself back to reality as you roll your limp body over, finally catching your breath after covering your face with the pillow. You flit your phone open, fiddling with the first arbitrary app you come across. Winnie does the same before her voice peaks up again. 

“So, what about Eunhyeok?”

Your ears barely drown out the looped audio of the internet video plastered on your phone screen as your mind draws to a blank. “...Who?” 

Winnie’s eyebrow cocks to the sky. “Eunhyeok. The guy from social econ last year? Mr. ‘first talking stage in forever?’”

Your eyes widen. Right. Your mind has been so occupied with the new school semester starting and helping Junghwan move cities that you completely forgot about your date next week with Kwon Eunhyeok —a guy you only shared 

one (1) class with before finding him on a dating app last month. You heave a sigh, leaning back on the plush of the couch as more weight has been added to the boulder of burden on your shoulders. 

“Don’t tell me Mr. "Freshman’s’ got you all distracted, now.” Winnie teased, a stupid grin contaminating her face. You roll your eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

“My girl’s the main character of a love triangle, ooh!” Winnie pestered, belting a laugh as you groaned in response, making your way towards the kitchen. You swing the fridge door open, letting the cool air refresh you as you reach in to grab a can of soda. Maybe that would alleviate the burning rush of your cheeks. 

Would it stop your erratic heart beat, too? 

“Over here is the campus gym,” Winnie jutted her finger towards the building on her right, large windows showcasing the different gym equipment scattered all over the floor. Her arm then pivoted, pointing straight towards the open bed of grass, basking in the afternoon sun. “This is the field—it’s supposed to be where the teams practice, but really students come here when they wanna skip.” 

You and Junghwan, at opposite ends of Winnie's shoulders, laugh timidly. You knew you had to give Junghwan a tour today, but you also knew you needed some kind of assistance. It was the only way you'd come out of this alive, sanity unharmed. So, you let Winnie take the lead, letting yourself hide in the sidelines. 

“That being said, I better not catch you here!” Winnie jabbed a finger towards Junghwan’s chest, to which he responded by holding up both hands in surrender, eyes flitting back to you for a split second. “Yes, ma'am!”

“Hey, y/n!” a voice closely trailed behind Junghwan’s boom of a voice. The voice was faint, as if it was carried and coddled by the wind. Filtered through the breeze. Nevertheless, you could tell it was coming from the direction of the field. Your head shot up towards the air, your eyes landing on a small huddle of guys at the centre of the grass. The one in the middle rolled a soccer ball between his foot and the grass, while the other two kicked at the grass, hands shoved deep in their pockets. As you walked closer to the field, the man in the middle began to look more and more familiar. It was Kwon Eunhyeok. 

Eunhyeok had a cheeky grin plastered on his face as he waved his hand in a ‘come here' motion. “You wanna play?”

You couldn't help but furrow your brows. You've never told him anything about liking or playing sports—because you definitely didn't. “Um…”

“It's 2v2, but we need one more player. Wanna join?” 

You hugged your shoulders, looking around aimlessly. Though really you were just looking for an apt escape. “I dunno—”

“I'll do it.”

Everyone’s heads snapped towards the timid freshman, who’s voice had finally spoken up after staying quiet for an abnormally long time. One hand lazily in the air while the other fiddled with belt loops in his pants. Silence swiftly fogged over the group as the boys looked at each other. 

“You don't have to,” you tried to butt in. You didn't want to bother him with this, nor did you even want to stay out here any longer.

Besides, the idea of Junghwan and Eunhyeok interacting shot a weird feeling down your stomach.

“I’ll be fine,” Junghwan shot a quick yet soft smile at you, and you gulped; his eye smile suddenly making you feel the need to drink water. Slowly, Junghwan slid off the straps of his backpack and dropped it onto the grassy field, his black zip up hoodie quickly following suit. You unfortunately took note of his newly revealed short sleeves—not too tight, yet not too loose—and, now, you really wished you had some water on you.

When you snap back to reality, the boys make their decision, welcoming the freshman into their group easily. “Alright, man. Let’s play!”

The breeze was cold against your skin. 

You sat dead centre of the vast campus quad, knees tucked in against your chest, your chin hammocked on your knuckles as they clung onto your kneecaps. You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed to watch those boys play soccer. Heaven knows you didn’t enjoy it, and Winnie wasn’t even around anymore. Instead, she was allowed to hide away in the safe haven of her evening class. Lucky.

You glance up, eyes latching onto Junghwan, who was currently locked in the game. His back was hunched over as he clung onto his knees, sweat pooling on his shirt. 

You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed, but something in you told you to stay—and your body obeyed like a puppet to its strings, apparently.

Junghwan doesn’t wait long. A few seconds later, he’s back with the main group, tossing the soccer ball and pushing the tall blades of grass beneath it. Nevertheless, your eyes linger— stupidly so. They linger as his hair flies against the wind, brushing entirely away from his face. They watch Junghwan’s broad shoulders practically shining through his supposedly loose t-shirt, the way his back tensed beneath each and every movement. You watch his muscles flex as he ran to the ball. You gulp. Has he been working out that much since you last talked? 

A huge smile swipes across his face, his eyes lost in the crescent moons of his eye smile. Your heart skips a beat. 

You choke. You didn’t find Junghwan attractive, did you? 

You wonder where that cold breeze went. It would’ve been helpful in calming down your skin—which was currently being lit on fire. 

“HEADS!”

The boom of Eunhyeok’s voice shook you to reality *thank god*. The ball had seemingly lost control, soaring through the air like a deadly shooting star. Everyone else had already run to take cover. their arms enveloping their heads in makeshift helmets. All except one; Junghwan, who was now standing still in the middle of  the field, facing you. Too bad the ball was, in fact, heading in his direction. 

THWACK!

The ball struck head first against Jungwhan’s, well, head. The taut rubber smushed Junghwan’s nose, definitely bruising something. It sent the poor freshmen straight to the ground, blades of dead grass shooting up into the sky upon impact. 

The boys only stood around in shock, only taking a few steps towards Junghwan’s body. You, on the other hand, sprinted towards him. You weren’t sure why, but it felt like second nature. You helped the freshman gently sit up into a sitting position, immediately scanning his face and head for prominent and dangerous injuries. Aside from some scratches and light bruising along his cheeks, there was nothing. You rolled out a sigh of relief. 

“Hi,” Junghwan peeked through his fallen bangs, voice soft and timid.

“Hi,” your lips curled into a smile without realising, your mind suddenly forgetting all your recent qualms of late. “I have a first aid kit at my place, should we stop by?”

Junghwan sucked air through his teeth sharply, eyes crinkling shut as he winced from the pain of the ointment. You felt his large hands cling onto your wrists, desperate for you to stop the torture. However, you could tell Junghwan was still restraining himself from using his full strength on you. 

“Ouch!” Junghwan yelped. Again. 

“How does this hurt more than the ball?” 

Junghwan pauses, cheeks suddenly turning rosy. “It burns, okay!”

You only sigh. “I’m almost done, anyway. Just stay still.”

You bickered back and forth. It was odd. This was the most you talked to So Junghwan in over 3 years—but it all felt natural. You weren’t sure why.

After Junghwan finally decided to comply, you finished the last of ointment application, and sealed each wound with a bandaid. Wiping off the excess with a tissue, you let Junghwan go. 

Except he didn’t. He stayed there, face inches away from yours as you sat on the plush of your bed. Your knees rested against his hip; it was the only way you could balance without the use of your hands. You felt his breath graze against your cheek; short and shallow. It reminded you to breathe. Junghwan gazed up at you, his eyes glistened amidst the ebony skyline shining through your bedroom window—never daring to let your eyes go. 

That familiar odd feeling whirled in your stomach again. 

After clearing your chest, you both bounce away from each other, eyes finally severing their connection. Your feet hung off the edge of the bed while Junghwan rested further back on his outstretched arms. You watched as his hand tensed and relaxed, crinkling the fabric of your bedsheets. 

“There,” you muttered meekly. “You’re all good.”

Junghwan stared blankly, grazing a light finger across his newly patched up wounds. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” you purse your lips. 

Long gone was the laid back, relaxed feeling you had earlier. You stood up from the bed, dragging the bedsheet down slightly before packing up the first aid kit and hiding it away in your closet. 

Even now, you're still the girl that babied him too much. 

Junghwan hung his head low, fiddling with his thumbs before slowly lifting his eyes back up to face you. He hesitated for a bit, lips parted before he remembered to take a breath. A deep breath. 

“You still take care of me, huh? Even after all these years.”

Your eyes grow wide at Junghwan’s words. What was he talking about? Was he referring to all those times back when you were kids? Those moments you swore to forget. Those moments that came hurdling back into your stubborn little brain the moment Junghwan enrolled in your university. 

You purse your lips before uttering softly. “I thought you forgot about that.”

Junghwan softly grins, “How could I?”

Your eyebrows furrowed, your heart bouncing beneath your ribs. It makes a nervous leap, getting stuck in your windpipe. What did he mean by that?

“Well, it’s been a while” You kept your eyes on the evening skyline, each apartment light shining like a star in the night. Nevertheless, you watched Junghwan through your peripheral vision. You watched as his eyes finally let go of your frame, his head once again hanging low. 

“It really has,” Junghwans voice didn’t reach past a whisper. 

The room was enveloped in—you guessed it—awkward silence. You’d think you’d build some kind of immunity to it at this point, but that wasn’t the case. You still managed to suffocate. You turn to fully face Junghwan, whose expression turned flat, stoic. He stood up from the bed, bedsheets leaving an imprint of his frame. 

“Maybe we can restart?” He asks

You blink, gulping once more. So Junghwan—the boy you spent your whole childhood with, the boy who disappeared from your life without a trace. The boy you babied too much. So Junghwan wanted a second chance. 

Your mind thought it was crazy. Too bad you never listened to it. 

“Sure.”

“You’re going on a date?” Junghwan asked, sipping on a juice box he insisted he’d pay for as you trudged your way home. Well, your home, to be exact. Junghwan also insisted he’d walk you and Winnie home after all your classes. Seems like Junghwan was taking this second chance thing seriously. 

“Yeah, and guess what?” Winnie chimed in, as preppy as usual—she was always like this when it came to your love life, though there wasn’t much to report. “It’s with that Eunhyeok guy—the one from the field the other day. You remember him?”

Suddenly, Junghwan’s face turns serious, stoic, as his eyes trail the sidewalk. He sipped until bubbles popped inside his straw. “Yeah. I do.”

You were sandwiched between their two figures, quietly sipping your soda. You raise your hand and wave it frantically. “Can we stop talking about it? It’s not a big deal.”

“Tell me you’re at least a little excited about it?” Winnie tilted her head, her bangs falling over her long eyelashes. You bit your lip, glancing over at Junghwan, whose wide eyes suggested he was curious about this, too. 

“Yeah, I—AH!”

Your undone shoelaces saved you the burden of having to lie. The strings scattered across the pavement, landing right in front of the area you were going to take your next steps. The front of your sneaker had clung onto your other shoe’s laces, causing you to trip on your own two feet—like an idiot. You only wince, squeezing your eyes shut to brace for impact before you hit the ground. 

You’d hit the ground. Any day now. 

But you didn’t. Instead, you felt a force envelope your shoulders and back. Your head hung in the air, your eyes meeting a distorted view of the clouds above. You tense your neck, scouring to find this mysterious force that had caught you out of thin air. A part of you wishes you didn’t. 

Nevertheless, you open your eyes to a worried Junghwan. His arms cradled you against his chest, a hand tightly gripping your bicep. He’s got you hanging in thin air, in a way that resembles tango dancers at the end of their performance. His face was inches away from yours, puffs of his air blowing onto your cheeks—your very warm cheeks.  

“You alright?” Junghwan asked, rather hastily. 

Your mind drew to a complete blank before you could respond. “Uh, um—yeah. I’m good.” 

Junghwan heaved a sigh of relief before standing you up straight—lord knows you were too dazed to do it yourself—and loosening his grip around your shoulders. He avoided your gaze, face painted a blaring red as he dipped down to your feet. Junghwan proceeded to loop his fingers around your loose laces, tying them into pretty double knots; safe and sound. 

“Be careful, okay?” Junghwan gazed up at you, his adam's apple bobbing up and down and his eyes shaking. Your heart was quaking in the confines of your rib cage, like a feral beast trying to escape. You weren’t sure if it was from the near fall from your trip, or if it was from your heart being utterly, terribly, stupid. 

The library was, uncharacteristically enough, loud. 

It was the table beside you, lined completely with utter buffoons of freshman. They had the audacity to play a chaotic card game amidst you and other university students who were desperately cramming for their midterms. They didn’t have a shred of remorse, either. Not even bothering to glance around at the students who were currently giving them death stares. The louder they’d holler or slap their hand on the table, the closer you were to seeing red. 

You grumbled in your seat, thumb clicking at your pen profusely as you held it centimetres before your noticeably blank notepad page. 

“Woah okay, don’t kill them, please,” Junghwan’s voice was laced with worry, understandably—you did consider it for a bit. Junghwan sat beside you, his once laid back figure now hunched forward, his big hand clung onto your tensed wrist. The warmth of his skin was enough to calm you down, apparently. Your head pivots back to Junghwan’s direction, your eyes immediately linking up with his. His face glistened under the golden hour sunlight, acting like the spotlight in a theatre with how it only shined on him. You watched his hair burn a bright auburn, his eyes carried in them a swirl of stars. 

You gulped at the sight, completely forgetting about those annoying freshmen. Or anyone else, for that matter. 

“Whatever,” your hand slips from his grasp quickly, though your skin felt a twinge of coldness, loneliness, after the fact. You clear your throat. “How do you deal with them? I think I’d lose my mind.”

Junghwan gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. A finger tapped at the headphone set that hung snug around his neck. “With these. They’re noise cancelling.”

You turn your head to the front, avoiding Junghwan’s gaze after staring at his oddly chiselled jaw for longer than wanted. “Lucky.”

You glanced back at the rowdy table, still stagnant and unmoving from their loud and aggravating presence. Sure they were still ear piercing, but now you could barely hear them over your beating heart, pounding so loud you could hear it in your ears. 

You sensed some rummaging behind you before you turned around, curiosity getting the best of you. Your eyes are met with a sweetly grinning Junghwan as he pulls off his headphones, adjusts their size, and gently slides them on your head. His hand slides off your head, but not before running a finger through your hair. His smile grows wider. “There, now you can focus.”

Your heart skips a beat as your eyes widen. “What—what about you?”

Junghwan ever so softly flicks your nose with his finger. “Quit worrying about me, already. You deserve to study in peace.”

“Oh,” You gulp again, heart still pounding in your chest. “Thanks.”

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

You knew it was redundant to say, but you just wanted to make it clear. So Junghwan was just a friend; A friend you had hung out with more than your other friends in your year, by now. You would study together, walk home together—Junghwan insisted the walk back to his dorm didn’t bother him—and even eat out together. You two even developed a new bond over finding new cuisines to try. 

But all that eating out eventually led to near empty wallets, so you suggested an alternative for this afternoon; cooking. It was high time Junghwan learned how to cook for himself, anyway. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder as you guided the poor, lost freshman on how to properly cut vegetables. The final boss? The yellow onion. 

“What happens when it stings too much?” Junghwan whined, one eye practically glued shut while the other peeked open ever so slightly. Though, that eye was too busy swelling in tears. You giggle as you watch him. 

“You’re just supposed to deal with it, really.” You only shrug as an ailed sound emits from Junghwan’s mouth. 

Soon enough, all the torture food preparation was complete, and the two of you pivoted to face your apartment's kitchen. You heated a pan on the stove, drizzled on oil, and got to work. Junghwan’s head perched over your shoulder, silently watching. 

Thankfully, your silence wasn’t awkward anymore. It was comfortable, easy. You didn’t think it possible, but you and Junghwan were slowly going back to how things were; going back to being best friends. Sparks popped in your chest at that thought.

“Oh—your date’s tomorrow” Junghwan analysed, eyes flitting back and forth between you and the calendar on the corner of your fridge. “How are you feeling?” 

Though a part of you was thankful for the reminder, you couldn’t help but groan. You were already tired of Winnie’s constant berating concerning the first man to go on a date with you since your failed talking stage in your first year—did Junghwan really have to do the same? “I dunno, haven’t given it much thought.”

“Alright, you player,” Junghwan teased, jabbing your shoulder. Maybe he was spending too much time with Winnie; she could be a bad influence on him. “Just another guy on your roster, huh?”

You roll your eyes to the sky—or, really, the exhaust fan above your stove. “Oh, shut up. Don’t act like you and my brother weren’t with different girls every month back in highschool.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Junghwan scoffed. 

“Don’t play dumb,” you jabbed back as you flung your spatula, unaware of the pieces of vegetables flying in the air. “Just ‘cause we didn’t talk, doesn’t mean I didn’t see things!”

Junghwan lifted his hands in the air, like a criminal caught red handed. “I swear! I didn’t do any of that.”

You turned to face him. “Then who were all those girls you'd hang around with on campus?”

Junghwan scratched the nape of his neck. “They were just friends… I’ve actually never dated, or even kissed a girl before.” 

You gulp. Had your perceptions all been wrong? You were positive the reason why Junghwan stopped talking to you in the first place was to make room for more girls in his life. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Junghwan fiddled with the hem of his apron. “I just never knew how it worked—too lazy to learn.”

You turned off the stove, your brain switching onto a particular idea. It might’ve been sick and twisted, but maybe it was just what you needed. 

“What if I teach you?”

Junghwan’s eyes practically spilt out of their sockets. You didn’t blame him; what you said was crazy. But you had your reasons. You needed to prove that you didn’t find So Junghwan attractive; that you didn’t wanna cross the boundary of best friends with him; that those past moments of your heart slipping up were none other than random flukes—a way for your heart to tell you your love life was too stagnant. 

“You sure?”

You stared up at him, gulping. “I’m no player, but I’ve had my fair share of kisses… maybe we can practise.”

Your words dwindled to the end once you realised how crazy you sounded. Gosh, if you didn’t know any better, you sounded like you were hitting on him. Your stomach churned at the thought. Your cheeks flared up in response. But it didn’t matter, Junghwan was your friend. You were doing this for a reason. For clarity. For closure. 

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

Junghwan was almost as red as the tomatoes in your frying pan. “O-okay.”

You were kissing So Junghwan.

Or more accurately, Junghwan was kissing you. 

As you stood in the middle of your living room, basking in the afternoon sunlight, your lips melted into one—easily, you observed. You also observed how soft Junghwan’s touch was. His hand trailed from the shell of your ear after brushing your hair away from your face, to cupping the side of your cheek. The graze of his fingertips sent chills through your skin. His fingers lifted your head ever so slightly, combating your towering height difference. His other hand didn’t even flinch as it stayed at his side; in fear of crossing an unwanted boundary. An odd swirl spun at the pit of your stomach. Your heart tripped and face planted on its two feet. Multiple times.

Wasn’t Junghwan supposed to be bad at this? 

Overwhelmed, you couldn’t muster much movement on your end. All your measly mind could think of was to cling onto his broad shoulders, which were hunched over to reach your frame closer—practically enveloping you. You hated how gentle he was, considering how strong you knew him to be. It was doing weird things to your mind. You clung onto the fabric of his sweater; desperate and confused.  

What was Junghwan doing to you?

After what seems like centuries, your lips finally plop apart. Your figures hesitate to move apart, your breaths both short and shallow—he quite literally took your breath away. Your eyes naturally link with his, a red string of fate hanging in the balance. You really hoped Winnie wasn’t gonna come home anytime soon. A sudden chime of someone’s phone catapulted you back to reality as you jumped away from him. Your eyes avoided his gaze like the plague as your cheeks burned so hot you could cook more of that dish you made earlier. And don’t even get started on your heart beat, your erratic, animalistic heart beat. 

Maybe your little test wasn’t so smart, anymore.

“You–uh,” you stuttered out like an idiot. “You’re pretty good…”

You glance back at Junghwan, who’s red stained cheeks and ears, paired with eyes practically glued to your wooden floor, suggest that he was just as much of a mess as you were. At least there was that. Junghwan clung onto the nape of his neck like a life force. “R-really?”

So Junghwan was the death of you. “Y-yeah. You don’t need my help.”

Awkward silence, your old friend. 

“I–uh,” Junghwan’s voice didn’t reach past a whisper. “I should probably go.”

“Okay,” you replied, grateful for the leeway he was giving your heart. Though, an empty feeling began crawling up your chest, too. You watched as Junghwan scurried out the door, the boom of it shutting barely overpowering the crazy thumps of your heart beat. 

So Junghwan was so cooked. 

He stumbled out of your apartment complex, dazed and confused. His heart clawed profusely at his ribcage, like a feral animal—just itching to jump out and splat on the road. He clenched his chest, lost at a shortness of breath. He thought back to your kiss; your supple lips locked against his. He thought about how you melted into his chest, how your skin felt so warm, it was like he was dreaming. Maybe he didn’t wanna wake up. Scratch that—he wasn’t just thinking about all that. The image was tattooed in his brain, forever. 

He’s done it. He’s officially gone too far. 

Junghwan wasn’t supposed to expose himself so…idiotically. He planned to be more composed, untroubled. Was he just supposed to confess his life long crush on his best friend like a loser? 

You were the love of So Junghwan’s life, the apple of his eye. He’s loved you since you were kids. He loved everything about you; from the way you lit up any room with your smile, to the way you’d always put others before yourself every chance you got. You had him wrapped around your finger; anything you did gave him butterflies. He’s always believed he hit the jackpot the moment he met you.

He also believed he absolutely fumbled that jackpot the moment he distanced himself from you. The more time he spent with you, the more he realised you’d never love him back. You were too busy babying him. In your eyes, Junghwan would never be your equal. So, by the time he entered highschool, he opted to give up. 

Foolishly, he thought he could still keep your friendship as he tried to get over you. Quickly, however, he learnt that it wasn’t possible. Your constant, beautiful presence always sent a punch to his gut, a guilty feeling squeezing at his heart. So he finally decided, it was time to end your friendship, once and for all, even if it meant hurting you in the process. Lord knows it tore his heart into pieces, too.

It also didn’t even work. 

Junghwan didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse that he got accepted into the university you happened to be attending. Sure, maybe he was the fool for applying there in the first place last fall, but still. The one thing he did know was that he’d lose his mind the moment he’d see you again. He knew he’d combust the moment you’d look at him with your beautiful eyes one more time. 

Nevertheless, something in his resolve had switched. His chest puffed out, his heart beat faster. With the years of distancing himself from you behind him, Junghwan was a changed man. And he was going to prove it to you. 

Or he was, until he completely fumbled the bag just now.

Trudging home with heavy shoulders, Junghwan rummaged in his sweater pocket, fingers easily finding what it needed to. He pulls out a pink, frilly scrunchie, grazing the soft fabric between his fingertips. The elastic could barely fit over just two of his large fingers, but that didn’t stop him from taking the scrunchie everywhere he went. 

It was the scrunchie from the day he first fell for you, after all.

“Fuck,” Junghwan huffed.

“Sorry I’m late!” Eunhyeok’s voice peaks in your ears, causing you to look up from your phone. He walks up to you, holding a lazy but apologetic hand up in the air. You glanced back at your phone quickly; the time was 3:58—around 30 minutes past your originally discussed meeting time.  

“No worries! I just got here,” You lied anyway. That was custom for first dates, apparently. 

You were meeting up with Kwon Eunhyeok for your very important, once in a lifetime—according to Winne, anyway—date. It wasn’t that you weren’t excited for today. The idea of going on a date for the first time in what felt like ages did excite you, slightly. You allowed yourself to get dolled up a little, too—dawning your favourite maxi shirt and a bow that completely your half up-half down hair look.  

It’s not like you weren’t excited for this date—there were just other things that stubbornly occupied your mind at the moment. 

You didn’t expect Junghwan’s kiss to stay so vivid in your mind for so long. You allowed yourself maybe 30 minutes to properly freak out about how good he kissed you; how he kissed you in a way that made you gut wrench, your head spin. How he kissed you in a way that makes you rethink everything. You were only allowed 30 minutes for all of that. But when you woke up this morning with So Junghwan running in your mind, you knew you were fucked. 

You thought back to the past month with So Junghwan. The boy you grew up with, your brother’s best friend. The man that, in the past month, showed a completely new side of himself, and it was making you go crazy. 

Were you on a date with the wrong person?

“Where we headed first?” Eunhyeok asked, his gaze locked on something behind you as he shoved both hands down his pockets. You gave him a quizzical look. “I thought you said you’d plan everything? I didn’t give it much thought…”

“Oh—right.” Eunhyeok’s voice grew quiet. He picked at his lips, swiping at his phone screen. “Well, I’ll look up some places, I guess. ” 

You wished you could roll your eyes right now. 

After stopping underneath a well shaded tree to look for nice places in the area, the two of you finally went on your way. While your time was eventful—you visited a variety of places, including the trendy and overpriced coffee shop, the park, and dinner at a place he couldn’t stop talking about—you couldn’t muster up any feeling of excitement. Sure you had fun, but this seemed like nothing more than a simple platonic day out. And judging off of Eunhyeok’s laid back, borderline bored attitude, you could guess he felt the same. 

Besides, you still couldn’t shake Junghwan out of your mind. 

The sky was painted a deep orange as you and Eunhyeok walked to the train station. Ribbons of white and pink scattered across the sky, twinges of blue laced at the corners. It was beautiful. You wished Junghwan was here to see it. 

You and Eunhyeok said your goodbyes as you hopped on your respective trains. You weren’t getting a text back from that guy, you knew it. And yet, that didn’t seem to bother you. 

Junghwan was seeing you today. 

Though, it was gonna be painfully one sided—because he wasn’t going to meet with you, no. Instead, he was joining a very hyper Winnie in stalking your date with that Eunhyeok guy. 

To say Junghwan was sceptical about Winnie’s insane and creepy idea would be a deep understatement. FIrstly—and more prominently—he wasn’t even sure if this was legal, let alone a good thing to do. What if someone saw him? Or worse, what if you saw him? Lord knows he's anything but ready to see you after the kiss that stole his breath. Nevertheless, he tagged along. That Eunhyeok guy rubbed him the wrong way, and it was an excuse to see you in a cute outfit. 

“You sure this is a good idea?” Junghwan whispered, face practically smushed into the decorative bush outside the train station. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Winnie whisper-shouted back, her whole figure enveloped by the same bush. “I think I see her!”

Junghwan’s heart pounded in his chest, though he wasn’t sure if it was from being caught by the cops, or by you. God, what if you thought he was some weirdo after this? He’d pass away, actually. 

He took note of what you were wearing; the maxi shirt that made you look like a princess, and the hair bow that completed your royal look. It warmed his heart knowing you still liked hair accessories just as you did as a kid. 

Gosh, you looked beautiful.

Junghwan’s eyes latched onto a figure of a dude slowly jogging to you. His words were inaudible, but the view of your smile in response was enough to make Junghwan’s blood boil. What was so funny? Junghwan gulped. He knew he was funnier, there was no doubt about it. You didn’t even need to go on this date in the first place. 

Winnie adjusted her stance, causing a branch from the bush to move. The Eunhyeok guy’s eyes snap towards his direction as Jungwhan freezes like a deer in headlights. Was he fucked?

Eunhyeok’s eyes linger in the air before finally reaching Junghwan’s. Like an idiot, Junghwan stared back. He was fucked. 

Eunhyeok’s eyes finally flit back to you, mumbling something inaudible again before the two of you walk away. Jungwhan and Winnie follow suit, Junghwan’s heart still pounding in his chest. 

—

“So, how's Junghwan?” Jeongwoo’s voice chimed through the phone. You purse your lips. As if you haven’t been thinking about him enough. You clear your throat, gracing your twin brother with a response. “He’s, uh, good.”

There was a pause on Jeongwoo’s line. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, no, it’s all good.” You realise your double usage of the word ‘good’ makes you sound even more suspicious. 

“What, you guys kiss or something?” Jeongwoo teased, his peculiar words sending your heart into full attack mode. Your heart leaped from your chest, your eyes spilling from your sockets. Your mind flits back to the image of Junghwan, his hand snug against your cheek as he stole your heart like a ruthless burglar.

“WHAT? NO!”

“Jesus, calm down,” Jeongwoo whined. “I was only joking, relax!”

You stayed silent. 

“Unless something actually happened?”

No. Nothing happened. Only So Junghwan, who came crawling back to your life after years, turning into a whole new person, and was turning your world upside down. Junghwan didn’t do anything—he just manages to swirl butterflies in your stomach with his handsome smile and chivalrous ways, make your heart skip multiple beats with his cute jokes and even cuter habits, take your breath away as he kissed you like a man who's been starved to near death.

Nothing happened. You just fell in love with your—and your brother’s—best friend. You heave a sigh. It felt freeing—finally admitting to it.

But it didn’t matter. He was still your best friend. You would die before you told him the truth.

“I gotta go, Woo.” Overwhelmed, you suddenly mumble into the phone. You barely hear his confused reaction as you click the phone off, chest sparking with adrenalin you haven’t felt in awhile. You trudge to your bathroom, in desperate need of a splash of water to refresh yourself and your mind. 

You can’t tell Junghwan. No matter what.

In the corner of your eye, however, you see Winnie skip up towards you a bright smile on her face. 

“Hey,” Winnie twirled a strand of hair between her fingers. “Found a couple packs of beer in the pantry. You wanna drink tonight?”

“Sure” You shrug. You definitely needed it after the month you had.

“Great! I’ll invite Junghwan, too!” Winnie cheered before skipping away. 

Great. 

Junghwan didn’t know you were a light-weight. 

But here you were, sprawled out on your living room couch, with a rosy face as multiple (3) beer cans scattered over the floor. Your head barely grazed his thigh, your hair spreading across his lap, each strand following the creases of his jeans. Junghwan couldn’t help but smile; you were the cutest drunk person he's ever seen.

Maybe for tonight, he can forget about fucking up any chance he had of staying your friend.

“Oh god,” Concerned, Winnie hid her mouth behind her hands as she looked over at you. She looks back up at Junghwan. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t think she’d get like that.”

Junghwan waved a lenient hand. “It’s all good.”

“She’s probably still grovelling over Eunhyeok. Poor girl got ghosted.” Winnie muttered. The mention of his name left a bitter taste in Junghwan’s mouth, but at least he was out of the picture. Winnie shot up from the couch, shuffling to the kitchen. “I’ll see if we have anything to fix…that.”

Junghwan pursed his lips, gazing at how your eyelashes swooped beneath your eyelids so beautifully. There’s nothing to fix. Even as a drunk mess—you were still perfect.

Winnie soon disappeared into the pantry, and Junghwan felt some shuffling at the edge of his thigh. He glanced down, watching your figure shift around your area of the couch. You began by slowly turning over, your cheeks squished against the backrest. You then murmured something completely incoherent—like a baby saying their first words. You melted Junghwan’s heart into a lovesick puddle as Junghwan gently brushed the hairs away from your face, taking care of you in any way he knew he could. 

Maybe Junghwan let his guard down too soon. 

You proceeded to messily crawl up a bit, resting your head on Junghwan’s lap. Junghwan’s skin ignited at your touch. He gulped, bullets of sweat running down his forehead. What were you doing? Were you trying to kill him?

You flopped over so that your flushed, rosy face was facing up at him. “Junghwanie.” 

Junghwan blinked. “Yeah?”

“Mmm I think I’m in trouble,” you mumbled some more. Junghwan knew you were just speaking gibberish, but a part of him couldn’t ignore you. 

“I think I’m falling for you.”

Junghwan choked. 

“There’s something about you lately… you’re so caring and sweet—but like more than before. And then we kissed, and it made me more confused. No one’s kissed me like that before…”

You fell asleep before Junghwan could compose himself, your soft snores filling up the living room. He could only scoff. While the walls of your apartment closed in on him, his heart jumped in and out of his chest, and reality as he knew it began to shatter—you were peacefully asleep. 

Junghwan gripped at his chest, which was bubbling up with adrenaline. You liked him back? He had a chance?

“I like you, too,” Junghwan whispered back. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“I’m back!” Winnie chimed in, catapulting Junghwan back to reality. 

No, no, no. This wasn’t good. None of this was good. 

I think I’m falling for you. 

Your words from last night replayed in your mind, as if your raging headache from your hangover wasn’t enough torment already. You were pacing back and forth on your living room floor, fingers picking at your lips and eyes quaking side to side. Your heart was popping out of your chest, sweat beaded from your temples. 

Few sips of alcohol and you were off, ruining life long friendships with a single drunken love confession. How stupid were you to let yourself slip up like that? 

“It’s probably fine, y/n” Winnie watched you from the couch, very worried. “You probably didn’t say anything too bad.”

“No.” you mutter, regrettably “I remember what I said.”

“Well, why don’t you go to him?”  Winnie shrugged. How could she be so nonchalant about this? “Talk it through. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same way?”

You stop in your tracks, holding in a scoff. There was no way. He was your childhood best friend. But Winnie was right about one thing. You needed to clear things up. 

You needed to see Junghwan.

“y/n?” Junghwan’s voice was overwhelming with confusion as you stood in the quad, visibly dishevelled and still in your sleepwear. You were lucky you remembered to put on proper shoes. What’s worse? Junghwan wasn’t alone. He—and by proxy, you—was surrounded by other students, presumably his friends. You forgot he hung out with people aside from you. 

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure,” Junghwan stuttered before whisking you away, one hand at the small of your back. His touch made your stomach swirl. The two of you stood along the side of the nearest campus building, his tall frame casting a shadow over you. 

“Oh yeah, almost forgot,” Junghwan’s eyes lit up, brows shooting up to the sky.  Slipping his bag off his shoulders, he pulls out a smaller bag before handing it to you. “Made some food for you. Hopefully it helps with the hangover.”

“Thanks,” you gulp. Only Junghwan would think of something like this—something that would make your heart melt to the ground. Nevertheless, Junghwan remembered you’d have a hangover, which meant he remembered how drunk you were last night. 

“I’m sorry about what I said last night!” You suddenly blurt out, head hanging low. “I wasn’t thinking right, clearly, and—”

“What?” Junghwan’s voice was shaky, worried. “You’re taking it back?”

“You’re one of my best friends, Junghwan. What I said wasn’t right. I don’t want to ruin what we have, especially right after I got you back.” You gulp, your words turning sour and bitter on your tongue. Each sentence broke your heart into pieces. You were placing a wall between you and your chance at happiness, after all. 

“What about what I want?” Junghwan’s voice suddenly grew deep and firm. He slapped a palm onto the brick wall behind you, encasing you in his frame. Chills ran down your spine.“You’re too busy babying me and protecting me, did you forget I get a say in this, too? What if I wanted to take the risk? What if I wanted to make the jump to be with you?

“What are you saying?” you muttered like an idiot. 

Junghwan looks to the side, nervously hiding his face beneath the back of his hand. The shells of his ears grew red. His other hand fell from the wall before reaching into his pants pocket. He pulls out a pink frilly piece of fabric—fabric you recognized instantly. “Last night, the girl of my dreams; the girl that gave me her favourite pink scrunchie, told me she liked me back, and I want nothing more than to take her in my arms right now.” 

Your cheeks flush in heat at his heart fluttering words. Questions ran through your mind like runners in a marathon as your heart beat faster and faster. Junghwan wanted to be with you? You weren’t living in one sided nightmare? Junghwan was willing to risk your friendship for you? Your chest heaved as you clawed at the brick wall behind you—anything for that sense of reality. 

“Did you mean it? What you said last night?” Junghwan’s eyes flit back to you. 

Your heart made one final, courageous leap across your chest. Fuck it. 

“Yeah. I meant it all—I like you, Junghwan. I like you so much.”

The pressure on your shoulders began to float to the sky. This was what it felt like to stop lying to yourself, huh?

Like clockwork, Junghwan pulls you against his chest, his face melting into the crook of your neck. You cling onto his shoulders, grip maybe too tight for your liking. You didn’t want him escaping your grasp anymore. He was gentle, still, but you couldn’t help but notice a sense of urgency in his touch. As if he was waiting all his life for this. “I like you too, y/n.”

You pull away from your embrace, your eyes immediately linking to the sight of his lips. Call yourself selfish, but you needed to kiss the man in front of you. Right now. Judging by the almost ravenous stare from Junghwan’s eyes, it seems he felt the same. 

As if you were starving, you hopelessly clung onto the collar of Junghwan’s shirt, finally linking your lips onto his—genuinely, this time. You move your arms to cling around Junghwan's neck, and his arms loop around your waist. His lips tasted of a weird fruit medley—maybe it's from the gum you gave him last week—but it didn't matter. Sparks still popped against your skin, excitement shocking through your whole body. Junghwan raised a hand snug against the back of your head, protecting you from the brick wall as he leaned in further, deepening your kiss. It made your heart melt into a lovesick puddle beneath your feet. You cling onto the fabric of his collar. Junghwan knew just what to do to take your breath away. 

Slowly, you pull apart, breath shortened, chests heightened, and eyes both full of love. Junghwan keeps his gaze on you, and only you, as he brushes a hair behind your ear. 

“Promise you’ll let me take care of you now?”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. “I promise”

“Gross,” Jeongwoo winces as he studies the decorations on your apartment fridge—specifically, the photo of you and Junghwan, drunkenly asleep and cuddling on the couch. Safe to say, this was the last thing he expected to see on his visit to see his best friend and sister. 

“Shut up—it's cute!” Winnie, the obvious culprit, beams. 

“I tried getting her to take it down, okay,” You argue, fiddling with your boyfriend, Junghwan’s, fingers as his arm rests on your shoulders in a casual side hug. 

“Don’t act so innocent,” Jeongwoo narrows his eyes at the sickeningly sweet couple, jabbing a finger at you and Junghwan. “You guys are too damn clingy.”

Junghwan takes this opportunity to wrap his other arm—as well as one leg—around you. He looked like a big and goofy koala, but that didn't matter to you. “And what about it?” 

You giggle behind Junghwans arm, which was covering practically half of your face. “Yeah!”

“Yuck,” Jeongwoo’s cowers behind his shoulders, and the two of you laugh triumphantly. Your brother and Winnie quickly retire to another part of your apartment, probably to get away from you two. But that didn’t matter. You gave up at Junghwan, his eyes already gazing down at you lovingly. Heat creeped onto your cheeks. 

“Don’t mind them, baby,” Junghwan says with a pout.

You hum in response before Junghwan’s hand pulls you closer by the jaw, linking your lips with his in a sweet kiss. Even now, So Junghwan managed to take your breath away. 

“I know, baby.”

2013. 07. 10

“Junghwanie? What’s wrong?”

Jungwhan could barely look up at you. You watched the boy’s shoulders slump over as he sat on the wood surface, feet bleakly swinging in the air. Dirt and grass littered and stained his knees and elbows.

“Some older kids took my soccer ball—they called me a twerp, too.” Tears welled up in Junghwan’s eyes. It made your heart sink. You jumped up to sit beside him as Junghwan sniffled, snot running down his nose. “Jeongwoo’s trying to get it back for me.”

Your eyes narrowed, watching the older boys further down the field. Two of them kicked the ball between them, while a third held your twin brother by the head in a rough noogie. Seeing it all made your blood boil, your fists shake. Your mom told you about bullying before; how you should never do it, and how you should always help others if they’re being bullied. Your fists balled up tighter and tighter. You needed to help Junghwan. 

You glanced down at your tiny fists. What could you do? You couldn’t do anything. You were just a weak kid. 

An idea spurred in your mind. You scooted closer to the boy beside you. Fiddling with the pink, frilly fabric, you slowly slid off the elastic hung snug against your wrist Maybe you couldn’t fight off some scary middle schooler, but you could at least do this. 

“Here,” You hovered the pink scrunchie in front of Junghwan, a small smile lining your lips as you faced him. “You can have this. Maybe this will cheer you up.”

Junghwan’s eyes widened. “Your scrunchie—isn’t this your favourite?”

“I know, but it makes me happy—hopefully it makes you happy, too!” A grin stretched across your face. 

Junghwan gulped, head still hanging low. His face flushed into a deep red as his eyes flit back and forth between you and his feet. The redness spread onto the shell of his ear as he hid his face beneath his dirtied forearm. 

“Thanks, y/n.” Junghwan finally smiled, your chest sinking in relief. 

2024. 08. 20

“Did we leave anything in the car?” Jeongwoo’s exhaustion spilled through his voice as he cradled his neck with both hands. 

“Don’t think so,” Sweat beaded from his temples as Junghwan hunched forward, gently dropping the cardboard box at his feet. He straightened up, using a forearm to wipe his forehead, pushing back his hair in the process. Junghwan turned to you, an awkward smile lining his lips. “Did you see anything, y/n?”

“Nope.” you pursed your lips, fiddling with a loose piece of tape on one of Junghwan’s miscellaneous boxes—a box you sat on as you unloaded Junghwan’s belongings into his new dorm. 

“Thank fuck,” Jeongwoo heaved a very sigh before plopping onto Junghwan’s new bed, treating it like his own.

So Junghwan—your brother’s best friend, and the youngest of you three—was on his way to begin a new chapter in his life; university. And now, Junghwan was moving to an entirely different city in order to attend university; your university, to be exact. 

He was moving away from his best friend, and moving closer to you—a peculiar set up, considering how far you two had drifted within the past few years. 

So Junghwan was a staple in your life during your childhood. It was you, him, and your brother against the world. The three of you didn’t need anyone else as you went on your daytime adventures to the neighbourhood playground; spending your measly allowance on snacks and sweets from the convenience store down the road from your homes; running away from the dreaded reality of chores and homework. 

Even if the boys were closer, it didn’t stop you from cherishing your friendship with Junghwan; You’d always tag along whenever Jeongwoo would visit his house, you'd bring extra snacks to school just for him. He felt the same, always welcoming you with a warm smile. You babied him, spoiled him silly. He was a year your junior, after all—how much he contrasted against your mischievous, prankster brother didn’t help, either. He was the only one of your brother’s friends you genuinely cared for. 

Once you entered highschool, however, the distance between you two only grew. Junghwan talked to you less, reserving all his attention to girls in his class and your own brother. Soon enough, the childhood trio you grew up with began to dissolve, fade away—leaving the infamous duo, and you in its wake. 

You decided to just shrug it off, opting to focus on your own life, your own friendships. Maybe he got tired of you. Maybe it was just a part of growing up.  

Maybe you were just the girl who babied him too much.

Which brings you back to the present, in which you were helping Junghwan move into his university dorm. Not because you were friends, but because you so happened to be the only one in the area. 

“Think I’m gonna head out.” Jeongwoo abruptly huffed out, shaking you back to reality. In one swift movement, Jeongwoo slid his car keys off the wood of the desk and looped them around his finger. Rising up at the foot of Junghwan’s mattress, Jeongwoo spun the clanking metal around before catching it with the rest of his hand. Junghwan followed suit, arms automatically up and out for your twin brother. 

You watched as the boys hugged and said their goodbyes. You couldn’t help but smile at the heartwarming sight. For second, it made you forget about this very very awkward set up. 

“Bye, loser,” Jeongwoo hummed into the crook of your neck as you hugged your brother goodbye. You glanced up, your eyes making contact with Junghwan’s frame. Your eyes trail up, noticing Junghwan’s eyes flit away from what looked like your direction, and his adam’s apple erratically bobbing up and down. You furrow your brows, taking note of the redness spreading over the curve of Junghwan’s ear. 

With a slam of the door, Jeongwoo was gone—and only then did your entire body freeze. 

You and Junghwan stood stagnant in the middle of his cramped dorm room. Awkward silence filled the air—filling your lungs and suffocating your chest. That's what you told yourself, anyway. You totally weren’t finding excuses to not talk to the boy you haven’t talked to in years. Totally. 

Only now have you gotten a proper chance to really look at Junghwan; really capture how much he's changed since you last saw him. This was probably his third growth spurt by now, with the way his figure towered over you. You studied the way his chestnut hair fell gently below his eyes, and how it was parted not at the middle, but slightly to the left. You caught a few glimpses of his broad shoulders—his built frame peeking through his campus sweater. You pinched yourself. Who cares if Junghwan grew up a little?

You cleared your throat. No. No matter how awkward all this was, how rocky your history was; you still needed to be strong, reliable. Junghwan was still your junior, after all. 

“So, you excited?” you wanted to slap yourself. What kind of question was that?

“Yeah,” Junghwan hummed a chuckle, maybe out of pity. You weren’t sure. “A little nervous, though.”

“Why? ‘Cause of classes?” You were just trying to make conversation, but maybe a part of you was concerned. Old habits die hard, anyway. 

Junghwan paused for a few long seconds, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Right. Classes.”

Your eyes furrowed at his weird, hesitant tone, but you brushed those thoughts away. You shine a bogus smile his way—the brighter the smile, the more convincing the lie. “Well, you can always ask for help!”

Junghwan hummed another smile—this time softer, more fragile. More genuine. His eyes never daring to let go of your frame. It made you insanely self aware of your own skin, your own being. You were being read like a book; though you doubt it was much of a page turner. You instinctively shield your torso with your crossed arms.

“It’s good to see you again, y/n.”

You stammered over his words, his very unexpected words. “Oh, uh, you too.”

Another blanket of silence fell on top of you, giving you ample time to reset; to compose yourself from the mess you were becoming. You cleared your throat, eyes darting straight towards the window. Junghwan, meanwhile, tucked both hands in his back pockets, eyes doing all they can to avoid your line of sight, as he sucked in air through his pursed lips. 

“I guess I should head out, too—”

Junghwan pivots to you, hurried. 

“Actually—I do have a favour to ask.”

“He asked you for a campus tour?” Your friend Winnie asked before popping a comically large cheeto in her mouth. Her munches and crunches filled the air of your shared apartment as you sunk into the couch—utterly defeated. 

“And I said yes,” You whined into the fabric of your throw pillow. 

Winnie only giggles, popping another chip and munching happily. “Girl, relax. You’re literally the only person he knows right now. Better to go with you than be lost on the first day.”

You grumble. You hated how level-headed she was. “But everything’s gonna be so awkward. We haven’t talked in years—”

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” Winnie shrugs. 

You could only groan. Winnie was right, you were being dramatic. So what if So Junghwan suddenly trudged back into your life, after leaving without a trace. You should be totally normal about this. 

You slap yourself back to reality as you roll your limp body over, finally catching your breath after covering your face with the pillow. You flit your phone open, fiddling with the first arbitrary app you come across. Winnie does the same before her voice peaks up again. 

“So, what about Eunhyeok?”

Your ears barely drown out the looped audio of the internet video plastered on your phone screen as your mind draws to a blank. “...Who?” 

Winnie’s eyebrow cocks to the sky. “Eunhyeok. The guy from social econ last year? Mr. ‘first talking stage in forever?’”

Your eyes widen. Right. Your mind has been so occupied with the new school semester starting and helping Junghwan move cities that you completely forgot about your date next week with Kwon Eunhyeok —a guy you only shared 

one (1) class with before finding him on a dating app last month. You heave a sigh, leaning back on the plush of the couch as more weight has been added to the boulder of burden on your shoulders. 

“Don’t tell me Mr. "Freshman’s’ got you all distracted, now.” Winnie teased, a stupid grin contaminating her face. You roll your eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

“My girl’s the main character of a love triangle, ooh!” Winnie pestered, belting a laugh as you groaned in response, making your way towards the kitchen. You swing the fridge door open, letting the cool air refresh you as you reach in to grab a can of soda. Maybe that would alleviate the burning rush of your cheeks. 

Would it stop your erratic heart beat, too? 

“Over here is the campus gym,” Winnie jutted her finger towards the building on her right, large windows showcasing the different gym equipment scattered all over the floor. Her arm then pivoted, pointing straight towards the open bed of grass, basking in the afternoon sun. “This is the field—it’s supposed to be where the teams practice, but really students come here when they wanna skip.” 

You and Junghwan, at opposite ends of Winnie's shoulders, laugh timidly. You knew you had to give Junghwan a tour today, but you also knew you needed some kind of assistance. It was the only way you'd come out of this alive, sanity unharmed. So, you let Winnie take the lead, letting yourself hide in the sidelines. 

“That being said, I better not catch you here!” Winnie jabbed a finger towards Junghwan’s chest, to which he responded by holding up both hands in surrender, eyes flitting back to you for a split second. “Yes, ma'am!”

“Hey, y/n!” a voice closely trailed behind Junghwan’s boom of a voice. The voice was faint, as if it was carried and coddled by the wind. Filtered through the breeze. Nevertheless, you could tell it was coming from the direction of the field. Your head shot up towards the air, your eyes landing on a small huddle of guys at the centre of the grass. The one in the middle rolled a soccer ball between his foot and the grass, while the other two kicked at the grass, hands shoved deep in their pockets. As you walked closer to the field, the man in the middle began to look more and more familiar. It was Kwon Eunhyeok. 

Eunhyeok had a cheeky grin plastered on his face as he waved his hand in a ‘come here' motion. “You wanna play?”

You couldn't help but furrow your brows. You've never told him anything about liking or playing sports—because you definitely didn't. “Um…”

“It's 2v2, but we need one more player. Wanna join?” 

You hugged your shoulders, looking around aimlessly. Though really you were just looking for an apt escape. “I dunno—”

“I'll do it.”

Everyone’s heads snapped towards the timid freshman, who’s voice had finally spoken up after staying quiet for an abnormally long time. One hand lazily in the air while the other fiddled with belt loops in his pants. Silence swiftly fogged over the group as the boys looked at each other. 

“You don't have to,” you tried to butt in. You didn't want to bother him with this, nor did you even want to stay out here any longer.

Besides, the idea of Junghwan and Eunhyeok interacting shot a weird feeling down your stomach.

“I’ll be fine,” Junghwan shot a quick yet soft smile at you, and you gulped; his eye smile suddenly making you feel the need to drink water. Slowly, Junghwan slid off the straps of his backpack and dropped it onto the grassy field, his black zip up hoodie quickly following suit. You unfortunately took note of his newly revealed short sleeves—not too tight, yet not too loose—and, now, you really wished you had some water on you.

When you snap back to reality, the boys make their decision, welcoming the freshman into their group easily. “Alright, man. Let’s play!”

The breeze was cold against your skin. 

You sat dead centre of the vast campus quad, knees tucked in against your chest, your chin hammocked on your knuckles as they clung onto your kneecaps. You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed to watch those boys play soccer. Heaven knows you didn’t enjoy it, and Winnie wasn’t even around anymore. Instead, she was allowed to hide away in the safe haven of her evening class. Lucky.

You glance up, eyes latching onto Junghwan, who was currently locked in the game. His back was hunched over as he clung onto his knees, sweat pooling on his shirt. 

You weren’t exactly sure why you stayed, but something in you told you to stay—and your body obeyed like a puppet to its strings, apparently.

Junghwan doesn’t wait long. A few seconds later, he’s back with the main group, tossing the soccer ball and pushing the tall blades of grass beneath it. Nevertheless, your eyes linger— stupidly so. They linger as his hair flies against the wind, brushing entirely away from his face. They watch Junghwan’s broad shoulders practically shining through his supposedly loose t-shirt, the way his back tensed beneath each and every movement. You watch his muscles flex as he ran to the ball. You gulp. Has he been working out that much since you last talked? 

A huge smile swipes across his face, his eyes lost in the crescent moons of his eye smile. Your heart skips a beat. 

You choke. You didn’t find Junghwan attractive, did you? 

You wonder where that cold breeze went. It would’ve been helpful in calming down your skin—which was currently being lit on fire. 

“HEADS!”

The boom of Eunhyeok’s voice shook you to reality *thank god*. The ball had seemingly lost control, soaring through the air like a deadly shooting star. Everyone else had already run to take cover. their arms enveloping their heads in makeshift helmets. All except one; Junghwan, who was now standing still in the middle of  the field, facing you. Too bad the ball was, in fact, heading in his direction. 

THWACK!

The ball struck head first against Jungwhan’s, well, head. The taut rubber smushed Junghwan’s nose, definitely bruising something. It sent the poor freshmen straight to the ground, blades of dead grass shooting up into the sky upon impact. 

The boys only stood around in shock, only taking a few steps towards Junghwan’s body. You, on the other hand, sprinted towards him. You weren’t sure why, but it felt like second nature. You helped the freshman gently sit up into a sitting position, immediately scanning his face and head for prominent and dangerous injuries. Aside from some scratches and light bruising along his cheeks, there was nothing. You rolled out a sigh of relief. 

“Hi,” Junghwan peeked through his fallen bangs, voice soft and timid.

“Hi,” your lips curled into a smile without realising, your mind suddenly forgetting all your recent qualms of late. “I have a first aid kit at my place, should we stop by?”

Junghwan sucked air through his teeth sharply, eyes crinkling shut as he winced from the pain of the ointment. You felt his large hands cling onto your wrists, desperate for you to stop the torture. However, you could tell Junghwan was still restraining himself from using his full strength on you. 

“Ouch!” Junghwan yelped. Again. 

“How does this hurt more than the ball?” 

Junghwan pauses, cheeks suddenly turning rosy. “It burns, okay!”

You only sigh. “I’m almost done, anyway. Just stay still.”

You bickered back and forth. It was odd. This was the most you talked to So Junghwan in over 3 years—but it all felt natural. You weren’t sure why.

After Junghwan finally decided to comply, you finished the last of ointment application, and sealed each wound with a bandaid. Wiping off the excess with a tissue, you let Junghwan go. 

Except he didn’t. He stayed there, face inches away from yours as you sat on the plush of your bed. Your knees rested against his hip; it was the only way you could balance without the use of your hands. You felt his breath graze against your cheek; short and shallow. It reminded you to breathe. Junghwan gazed up at you, his eyes glistened amidst the ebony skyline shining through your bedroom window—never daring to let your eyes go. 

That familiar odd feeling whirled in your stomach again. 

After clearing your chest, you both bounce away from each other, eyes finally severing their connection. Your feet hung off the edge of the bed while Junghwan rested further back on his outstretched arms. You watched as his hand tensed and relaxed, crinkling the fabric of your bedsheets. 

“There,” you muttered meekly. “You’re all good.”

Junghwan stared blankly, grazing a light finger across his newly patched up wounds. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” you purse your lips. 

Long gone was the laid back, relaxed feeling you had earlier. You stood up from the bed, dragging the bedsheet down slightly before packing up the first aid kit and hiding it away in your closet. 

Even now, you're still the girl that babied him too much. 

Junghwan hung his head low, fiddling with his thumbs before slowly lifting his eyes back up to face you. He hesitated for a bit, lips parted before he remembered to take a breath. A deep breath. 

“You still take care of me, huh? Even after all these years.”

Your eyes grow wide at Junghwan’s words. What was he talking about? Was he referring to all those times back when you were kids? Those moments you swore to forget. Those moments that came hurdling back into your stubborn little brain the moment Junghwan enrolled in your university. 

You purse your lips before uttering softly. “I thought you forgot about that.”

Junghwan softly grins, “How could I?”

Your eyebrows furrowed, your heart bouncing beneath your ribs. It makes a nervous leap, getting stuck in your windpipe. What did he mean by that?

“Well, it’s been a while” You kept your eyes on the evening skyline, each apartment light shining like a star in the night. Nevertheless, you watched Junghwan through your peripheral vision. You watched as his eyes finally let go of your frame, his head once again hanging low. 

“It really has,” Junghwans voice didn’t reach past a whisper. 

The room was enveloped in—you guessed it—awkward silence. You’d think you’d build some kind of immunity to it at this point, but that wasn’t the case. You still managed to suffocate. You turn to fully face Junghwan, whose expression turned flat, stoic. He stood up from the bed, bedsheets leaving an imprint of his frame. 

“Maybe we can restart?” He asks

You blink, gulping once more. So Junghwan—the boy you spent your whole childhood with, the boy who disappeared from your life without a trace. The boy you babied too much. So Junghwan wanted a second chance. 

Your mind thought it was crazy. Too bad you never listened to it. 

“Sure.”

“You’re going on a date?” Junghwan asked, sipping on a juice box he insisted he’d pay for as you trudged your way home. Well, your home, to be exact. Junghwan also insisted he’d walk you and Winnie home after all your classes. Seems like Junghwan was taking this second chance thing seriously. 

“Yeah, and guess what?” Winnie chimed in, as preppy as usual—she was always like this when it came to your love life, though there wasn’t much to report. “It’s with that Eunhyeok guy—the one from the field the other day. You remember him?”

Suddenly, Junghwan’s face turns serious, stoic, as his eyes trail the sidewalk. He sipped until bubbles popped inside his straw. “Yeah. I do.”

You were sandwiched between their two figures, quietly sipping your soda. You raise your hand and wave it frantically. “Can we stop talking about it? It’s not a big deal.”

“Tell me you’re at least a little excited about it?” Winnie tilted her head, her bangs falling over her long eyelashes. You bit your lip, glancing over at Junghwan, whose wide eyes suggested he was curious about this, too. 

“Yeah, I—AH!”

Your undone shoelaces saved you the burden of having to lie. The strings scattered across the pavement, landing right in front of the area you were going to take your next steps. The front of your sneaker had clung onto your other shoe’s laces, causing you to trip on your own two feet—like an idiot. You only wince, squeezing your eyes shut to brace for impact before you hit the ground. 

You’d hit the ground. Any day now. 

But you didn’t. Instead, you felt a force envelope your shoulders and back. Your head hung in the air, your eyes meeting a distorted view of the clouds above. You tense your neck, scouring to find this mysterious force that had caught you out of thin air. A part of you wishes you didn’t. 

Nevertheless, you open your eyes to a worried Junghwan. His arms cradled you against his chest, a hand tightly gripping your bicep. He’s got you hanging in thin air, in a way that resembles tango dancers at the end of their performance. His face was inches away from yours, puffs of his air blowing onto your cheeks—your very warm cheeks.  

“You alright?” Junghwan asked, rather hastily. 

Your mind drew to a complete blank before you could respond. “Uh, um—yeah. I’m good.” 

Junghwan heaved a sigh of relief before standing you up straight—lord knows you were too dazed to do it yourself—and loosening his grip around your shoulders. He avoided your gaze, face painted a blaring red as he dipped down to your feet. Junghwan proceeded to loop his fingers around your loose laces, tying them into pretty double knots; safe and sound. 

“Be careful, okay?” Junghwan gazed up at you, his adam's apple bobbing up and down and his eyes shaking. Your heart was quaking in the confines of your rib cage, like a feral beast trying to escape. You weren’t sure if it was from the near fall from your trip, or if it was from your heart being utterly, terribly, stupid. 

The library was, uncharacteristically enough, loud. 

It was the table beside you, lined completely with utter buffoons of freshman. They had the audacity to play a chaotic card game amidst you and other university students who were desperately cramming for their midterms. They didn’t have a shred of remorse, either. Not even bothering to glance around at the students who were currently giving them death stares. The louder they’d holler or slap their hand on the table, the closer you were to seeing red. 

You grumbled in your seat, thumb clicking at your pen profusely as you held it centimetres before your noticeably blank notepad page. 

“Woah okay, don’t kill them, please,” Junghwan’s voice was laced with worry, understandably—you did consider it for a bit. Junghwan sat beside you, his once laid back figure now hunched forward, his big hand clung onto your tensed wrist. The warmth of his skin was enough to calm you down, apparently. Your head pivots back to Junghwan’s direction, your eyes immediately linking up with his. His face glistened under the golden hour sunlight, acting like the spotlight in a theatre with how it only shined on him. You watched his hair burn a bright auburn, his eyes carried in them a swirl of stars. 

You gulped at the sight, completely forgetting about those annoying freshmen. Or anyone else, for that matter. 

“Whatever,” your hand slips from his grasp quickly, though your skin felt a twinge of coldness, loneliness, after the fact. You clear your throat. “How do you deal with them? I think I’d lose my mind.”

Junghwan gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. A finger tapped at the headphone set that hung snug around his neck. “With these. They’re noise cancelling.”

You turn your head to the front, avoiding Junghwan’s gaze after staring at his oddly chiselled jaw for longer than wanted. “Lucky.”

You glanced back at the rowdy table, still stagnant and unmoving from their loud and aggravating presence. Sure they were still ear piercing, but now you could barely hear them over your beating heart, pounding so loud you could hear it in your ears. 

You sensed some rummaging behind you before you turned around, curiosity getting the best of you. Your eyes are met with a sweetly grinning Junghwan as he pulls off his headphones, adjusts their size, and gently slides them on your head. His hand slides off your head, but not before running a finger through your hair. His smile grows wider. “There, now you can focus.”

Your heart skips a beat as your eyes widen. “What—what about you?”

Junghwan ever so softly flicks your nose with his finger. “Quit worrying about me, already. You deserve to study in peace.”

“Oh,” You gulp again, heart still pounding in your chest. “Thanks.”

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

You knew it was redundant to say, but you just wanted to make it clear. So Junghwan was just a friend; A friend you had hung out with more than your other friends in your year, by now. You would study together, walk home together—Junghwan insisted the walk back to his dorm didn’t bother him—and even eat out together. You two even developed a new bond over finding new cuisines to try. 

But all that eating out eventually led to near empty wallets, so you suggested an alternative for this afternoon; cooking. It was high time Junghwan learned how to cook for himself, anyway. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder as you guided the poor, lost freshman on how to properly cut vegetables. The final boss? The yellow onion. 

“What happens when it stings too much?” Junghwan whined, one eye practically glued shut while the other peeked open ever so slightly. Though, that eye was too busy swelling in tears. You giggle as you watch him. 

“You’re just supposed to deal with it, really.” You only shrug as an ailed sound emits from Junghwan’s mouth. 

Soon enough, all the torture food preparation was complete, and the two of you pivoted to face your apartment's kitchen. You heated a pan on the stove, drizzled on oil, and got to work. Junghwan’s head perched over your shoulder, silently watching. 

Thankfully, your silence wasn’t awkward anymore. It was comfortable, easy. You didn’t think it possible, but you and Junghwan were slowly going back to how things were; going back to being best friends. Sparks popped in your chest at that thought.

“Oh—your date’s tomorrow” Junghwan analysed, eyes flitting back and forth between you and the calendar on the corner of your fridge. “How are you feeling?” 

Though a part of you was thankful for the reminder, you couldn’t help but groan. You were already tired of Winnie’s constant berating concerning the first man to go on a date with you since your failed talking stage in your first year—did Junghwan really have to do the same? “I dunno, haven’t given it much thought.”

“Alright, you player,” Junghwan teased, jabbing your shoulder. Maybe he was spending too much time with Winnie; she could be a bad influence on him. “Just another guy on your roster, huh?”

You roll your eyes to the sky—or, really, the exhaust fan above your stove. “Oh, shut up. Don’t act like you and my brother weren’t with different girls every month back in highschool.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Junghwan scoffed. 

“Don’t play dumb,” you jabbed back as you flung your spatula, unaware of the pieces of vegetables flying in the air. “Just ‘cause we didn’t talk, doesn’t mean I didn’t see things!”

Junghwan lifted his hands in the air, like a criminal caught red handed. “I swear! I didn’t do any of that.”

You turned to face him. “Then who were all those girls you'd hang around with on campus?”

Junghwan scratched the nape of his neck. “They were just friends… I’ve actually never dated, or even kissed a girl before.” 

You gulp. Had your perceptions all been wrong? You were positive the reason why Junghwan stopped talking to you in the first place was to make room for more girls in his life. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Junghwan fiddled with the hem of his apron. “I just never knew how it worked—too lazy to learn.”

You turned off the stove, your brain switching onto a particular idea. It might’ve been sick and twisted, but maybe it was just what you needed. 

“What if I teach you?”

Junghwan’s eyes practically spilt out of their sockets. You didn’t blame him; what you said was crazy. But you had your reasons. You needed to prove that you didn’t find So Junghwan attractive; that you didn’t wanna cross the boundary of best friends with him; that those past moments of your heart slipping up were none other than random flukes—a way for your heart to tell you your love life was too stagnant. 

“You sure?”

You stared up at him, gulping. “I’m no player, but I’ve had my fair share of kisses… maybe we can practise.”

Your words dwindled to the end once you realised how crazy you sounded. Gosh, if you didn’t know any better, you sounded like you were hitting on him. Your stomach churned at the thought. Your cheeks flared up in response. But it didn’t matter, Junghwan was your friend. You were doing this for a reason. For clarity. For closure. 

You did not find So Junghwan attractive. 

Junghwan was almost as red as the tomatoes in your frying pan. “O-okay.”

You were kissing So Junghwan.

Or more accurately, Junghwan was kissing you. 

As you stood in the middle of your living room, basking in the afternoon sunlight, your lips melted into one—easily, you observed. You also observed how soft Junghwan’s touch was. His hand trailed from the shell of your ear after brushing your hair away from your face, to cupping the side of your cheek. The graze of his fingertips sent chills through your skin. His fingers lifted your head ever so slightly, combating your towering height difference. His other hand didn’t even flinch as it stayed at his side; in fear of crossing an unwanted boundary. An odd swirl spun at the pit of your stomach. Your heart tripped and face planted on its two feet. Multiple times.

Wasn’t Junghwan supposed to be bad at this? 

Overwhelmed, you couldn’t muster much movement on your end. All your measly mind could think of was to cling onto his broad shoulders, which were hunched over to reach your frame closer—practically enveloping you. You hated how gentle he was, considering how strong you knew him to be. It was doing weird things to your mind. You clung onto the fabric of his sweater; desperate and confused.  

What was Junghwan doing to you?

After what seems like centuries, your lips finally plop apart. Your figures hesitate to move apart, your breaths both short and shallow—he quite literally took your breath away. Your eyes naturally link with his, a red string of fate hanging in the balance. You really hoped Winnie wasn’t gonna come home anytime soon. A sudden chime of someone’s phone catapulted you back to reality as you jumped away from him. Your eyes avoided his gaze like the plague as your cheeks burned so hot you could cook more of that dish you made earlier. And don’t even get started on your heart beat, your erratic, animalistic heart beat. 

Maybe your little test wasn’t so smart, anymore.

“You–uh,” you stuttered out like an idiot. “You’re pretty good…”

You glance back at Junghwan, who’s red stained cheeks and ears, paired with eyes practically glued to your wooden floor, suggest that he was just as much of a mess as you were. At least there was that. Junghwan clung onto the nape of his neck like a life force. “R-really?”

So Junghwan was the death of you. “Y-yeah. You don’t need my help.”

Awkward silence, your old friend. 

“I–uh,” Junghwan’s voice didn’t reach past a whisper. “I should probably go.”

“Okay,” you replied, grateful for the leeway he was giving your heart. Though, an empty feeling began crawling up your chest, too. You watched as Junghwan scurried out the door, the boom of it shutting barely overpowering the crazy thumps of your heart beat. 

So Junghwan was so cooked. 

He stumbled out of your apartment complex, dazed and confused. His heart clawed profusely at his ribcage, like a feral animal—just itching to jump out and splat on the road. He clenched his chest, lost at a shortness of breath. He thought back to your kiss; your supple lips locked against his. He thought about how you melted into his chest, how your skin felt so warm, it was like he was dreaming. Maybe he didn’t wanna wake up. Scratch that—he wasn’t just thinking about all that. The image was tattooed in his brain, forever. 

He’s done it. He’s officially gone too far. 

Junghwan wasn’t supposed to expose himself so…idiotically. He planned to be more composed, untroubled. Was he just supposed to confess his life long crush on his best friend like a loser? 

You were the love of So Junghwan’s life, the apple of his eye. He’s loved you since you were kids. He loved everything about you; from the way you lit up any room with your smile, to the way you’d always put others before yourself every chance you got. You had him wrapped around your finger; anything you did gave him butterflies. He’s always believed he hit the jackpot the moment he met you.

He also believed he absolutely fumbled that jackpot the moment he distanced himself from you. The more time he spent with you, the more he realised you’d never love him back. You were too busy babying him. In your eyes, Junghwan would never be your equal. So, by the time he entered highschool, he opted to give up. 

Foolishly, he thought he could still keep your friendship as he tried to get over you. Quickly, however, he learnt that it wasn’t possible. Your constant, beautiful presence always sent a punch to his gut, a guilty feeling squeezing at his heart. So he finally decided, it was time to end your friendship, once and for all, even if it meant hurting you in the process. Lord knows it tore his heart into pieces, too.

It also didn’t even work. 

Junghwan didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse that he got accepted into the university you happened to be attending. Sure, maybe he was the fool for applying there in the first place last fall, but still. The one thing he did know was that he’d lose his mind the moment he’d see you again. He knew he’d combust the moment you’d look at him with your beautiful eyes one more time. 

Nevertheless, something in his resolve had switched. His chest puffed out, his heart beat faster. With the years of distancing himself from you behind him, Junghwan was a changed man. And he was going to prove it to you. 

Or he was, until he completely fumbled the bag just now.

Trudging home with heavy shoulders, Junghwan rummaged in his sweater pocket, fingers easily finding what it needed to. He pulls out a pink, frilly scrunchie, grazing the soft fabric between his fingertips. The elastic could barely fit over just two of his large fingers, but that didn’t stop him from taking the scrunchie everywhere he went. 

It was the scrunchie from the day he first fell for you, after all.

“Fuck,” Junghwan huffed.

“Sorry I’m late!” Eunhyeok’s voice peaks in your ears, causing you to look up from your phone. He walks up to you, holding a lazy but apologetic hand up in the air. You glanced back at your phone quickly; the time was 3:58—around 30 minutes past your originally discussed meeting time.  

“No worries! I just got here,” You lied anyway. That was custom for first dates, apparently. 

You were meeting up with Kwon Eunhyeok for your very important, once in a lifetime—according to Winne, anyway—date. It wasn’t that you weren’t excited for today. The idea of going on a date for the first time in what felt like ages did excite you, slightly. You allowed yourself to get dolled up a little, too—dawning your favourite maxi shirt and a bow that completely your half up-half down hair look.  

It’s not like you weren’t excited for this date—there were just other things that stubbornly occupied your mind at the moment. 

You didn’t expect Junghwan’s kiss to stay so vivid in your mind for so long. You allowed yourself maybe 30 minutes to properly freak out about how good he kissed you; how he kissed you in a way that made you gut wrench, your head spin. How he kissed you in a way that makes you rethink everything. You were only allowed 30 minutes for all of that. But when you woke up this morning with So Junghwan running in your mind, you knew you were fucked. 

You thought back to the past month with So Junghwan. The boy you grew up with, your brother’s best friend. The man that, in the past month, showed a completely new side of himself, and it was making you go crazy. 

Were you on a date with the wrong person?

“Where we headed first?” Eunhyeok asked, his gaze locked on something behind you as he shoved both hands down his pockets. You gave him a quizzical look. “I thought you said you’d plan everything? I didn’t give it much thought…”

“Oh—right.” Eunhyeok’s voice grew quiet. He picked at his lips, swiping at his phone screen. “Well, I’ll look up some places, I guess. ” 

You wished you could roll your eyes right now. 

After stopping underneath a well shaded tree to look for nice places in the area, the two of you finally went on your way. While your time was eventful—you visited a variety of places, including the trendy and overpriced coffee shop, the park, and dinner at a place he couldn’t stop talking about—you couldn’t muster up any feeling of excitement. Sure you had fun, but this seemed like nothing more than a simple platonic day out. And judging off of Eunhyeok’s laid back, borderline bored attitude, you could guess he felt the same. 

Besides, you still couldn’t shake Junghwan out of your mind. 

The sky was painted a deep orange as you and Eunhyeok walked to the train station. Ribbons of white and pink scattered across the sky, twinges of blue laced at the corners. It was beautiful. You wished Junghwan was here to see it. 

You and Eunhyeok said your goodbyes as you hopped on your respective trains. You weren’t getting a text back from that guy, you knew it. And yet, that didn’t seem to bother you. 

Junghwan was seeing you today. 

Though, it was gonna be painfully one sided—because he wasn’t going to meet with you, no. Instead, he was joining a very hyper Winnie in stalking your date with that Eunhyeok guy. 

To say Junghwan was sceptical about Winnie’s insane and creepy idea would be a deep understatement. FIrstly—and more prominently—he wasn’t even sure if this was legal, let alone a good thing to do. What if someone saw him? Or worse, what if you saw him? Lord knows he's anything but ready to see you after the kiss that stole his breath. Nevertheless, he tagged along. That Eunhyeok guy rubbed him the wrong way, and it was an excuse to see you in a cute outfit. 

“You sure this is a good idea?” Junghwan whispered, face practically smushed into the decorative bush outside the train station. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Winnie whisper-shouted back, her whole figure enveloped by the same bush. “I think I see her!”

Junghwan’s heart pounded in his chest, though he wasn’t sure if it was from being caught by the cops, or by you. God, what if you thought he was some weirdo after this? He’d pass away, actually. 

He took note of what you were wearing; the maxi shirt that made you look like a princess, and the hair bow that completed your royal look. It warmed his heart knowing you still liked hair accessories just as you did as a kid. 

Gosh, you looked beautiful.

Junghwan’s eyes latched onto a figure of a dude slowly jogging to you. His words were inaudible, but the view of your smile in response was enough to make Junghwan’s blood boil. What was so funny? Junghwan gulped. He knew he was funnier, there was no doubt about it. You didn’t even need to go on this date in the first place. 

Winnie adjusted her stance, causing a branch from the bush to move. The Eunhyeok guy’s eyes snap towards his direction as Jungwhan freezes like a deer in headlights. Was he fucked?

Eunhyeok’s eyes linger in the air before finally reaching Junghwan’s. Like an idiot, Junghwan stared back. He was fucked. 

Eunhyeok’s eyes finally flit back to you, mumbling something inaudible again before the two of you walk away. Jungwhan and Winnie follow suit, Junghwan’s heart still pounding in his chest. 

—

“So, how's Junghwan?” Jeongwoo’s voice chimed through the phone. You purse your lips. As if you haven’t been thinking about him enough. You clear your throat, gracing your twin brother with a response. “He’s, uh, good.”

There was a pause on Jeongwoo’s line. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, no, it’s all good.” You realise your double usage of the word ‘good’ makes you sound even more suspicious. 

“What, you guys kiss or something?” Jeongwoo teased, his peculiar words sending your heart into full attack mode. Your heart leaped from your chest, your eyes spilling from your sockets. Your mind flits back to the image of Junghwan, his hand snug against your cheek as he stole your heart like a ruthless burglar.

“WHAT? NO!”

“Jesus, calm down,” Jeongwoo whined. “I was only joking, relax!”

You stayed silent. 

“Unless something actually happened?”

No. Nothing happened. Only So Junghwan, who came crawling back to your life after years, turning into a whole new person, and was turning your world upside down. Junghwan didn’t do anything—he just manages to swirl butterflies in your stomach with his handsome smile and chivalrous ways, make your heart skip multiple beats with his cute jokes and even cuter habits, take your breath away as he kissed you like a man who's been starved to near death.

Nothing happened. You just fell in love with your—and your brother’s—best friend. You heave a sigh. It felt freeing—finally admitting to it.

But it didn’t matter. He was still your best friend. You would die before you told him the truth.

“I gotta go, Woo.” Overwhelmed, you suddenly mumble into the phone. You barely hear his confused reaction as you click the phone off, chest sparking with adrenalin you haven’t felt in awhile. You trudge to your bathroom, in desperate need of a splash of water to refresh yourself and your mind. 

You can’t tell Junghwan. No matter what.

In the corner of your eye, however, you see Winnie skip up towards you a bright smile on her face. 

“Hey,” Winnie twirled a strand of hair between her fingers. “Found a couple packs of beer in the pantry. You wanna drink tonight?”

“Sure” You shrug. You definitely needed it after the month you had.

“Great! I’ll invite Junghwan, too!” Winnie cheered before skipping away. 

Great. 

Junghwan didn’t know you were a light-weight. 

But here you were, sprawled out on your living room couch, with a rosy face as multiple (3) beer cans scattered over the floor. Your head barely grazed his thigh, your hair spreading across his lap, each strand following the creases of his jeans. Junghwan couldn’t help but smile; you were the cutest drunk person he's ever seen.

Maybe for tonight, he can forget about fucking up any chance he had of staying your friend.

“Oh god,” Concerned, Winnie hid her mouth behind her hands as she looked over at you. She looks back up at Junghwan. “I’m so sorry—I didn’t think she’d get like that.”

Junghwan waved a lenient hand. “It’s all good.”

“She’s probably still grovelling over Eunhyeok. Poor girl got ghosted.” Winnie muttered. The mention of his name left a bitter taste in Junghwan’s mouth, but at least he was out of the picture. Winnie shot up from the couch, shuffling to the kitchen. “I’ll see if we have anything to fix…that.”

Junghwan pursed his lips, gazing at how your eyelashes swooped beneath your eyelids so beautifully. There’s nothing to fix. Even as a drunk mess—you were still perfect.

Winnie soon disappeared into the pantry, and Junghwan felt some shuffling at the edge of his thigh. He glanced down, watching your figure shift around your area of the couch. You began by slowly turning over, your cheeks squished against the backrest. You then murmured something completely incoherent—like a baby saying their first words. You melted Junghwan’s heart into a lovesick puddle as Junghwan gently brushed the hairs away from your face, taking care of you in any way he knew he could. 

Maybe Junghwan let his guard down too soon. 

You proceeded to messily crawl up a bit, resting your head on Junghwan’s lap. Junghwan’s skin ignited at your touch. He gulped, bullets of sweat running down his forehead. What were you doing? Were you trying to kill him?

You flopped over so that your flushed, rosy face was facing up at him. “Junghwanie.” 

Junghwan blinked. “Yeah?”

“Mmm I think I’m in trouble,” you mumbled some more. Junghwan knew you were just speaking gibberish, but a part of him couldn’t ignore you. 

“I think I’m falling for you.”

Junghwan choked. 

“There’s something about you lately… you’re so caring and sweet—but like more than before. And then we kissed, and it made me more confused. No one’s kissed me like that before…”

You fell asleep before Junghwan could compose himself, your soft snores filling up the living room. He could only scoff. While the walls of your apartment closed in on him, his heart jumped in and out of his chest, and reality as he knew it began to shatter—you were peacefully asleep. 

Junghwan gripped at his chest, which was bubbling up with adrenaline. You liked him back? He had a chance?

“I like you, too,” Junghwan whispered back. “More than you’ll ever know.”

“I’m back!” Winnie chimed in, catapulting Junghwan back to reality. 

No, no, no. This wasn’t good. None of this was good. 

I think I’m falling for you. 

Your words from last night replayed in your mind, as if your raging headache from your hangover wasn’t enough torment already. You were pacing back and forth on your living room floor, fingers picking at your lips and eyes quaking side to side. Your heart was popping out of your chest, sweat beaded from your temples. 

Few sips of alcohol and you were off, ruining life long friendships with a single drunken love confession. How stupid were you to let yourself slip up like that? 

“It’s probably fine, y/n” Winnie watched you from the couch, very worried. “You probably didn’t say anything too bad.”

“No.” you mutter, regrettably “I remember what I said.”

“Well, why don’t you go to him?”  Winnie shrugged. How could she be so nonchalant about this? “Talk it through. Who knows? Maybe he feels the same way?”

You stop in your tracks, holding in a scoff. There was no way. He was your childhood best friend. But Winnie was right about one thing. You needed to clear things up. 

You needed to see Junghwan.

“y/n?” Junghwan’s voice was overwhelming with confusion as you stood in the quad, visibly dishevelled and still in your sleepwear. You were lucky you remembered to put on proper shoes. What’s worse? Junghwan wasn’t alone. He—and by proxy, you—was surrounded by other students, presumably his friends. You forgot he hung out with people aside from you. 

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure,” Junghwan stuttered before whisking you away, one hand at the small of your back. His touch made your stomach swirl. The two of you stood along the side of the nearest campus building, his tall frame casting a shadow over you. 

“Oh yeah, almost forgot,” Junghwan’s eyes lit up, brows shooting up to the sky.  Slipping his bag off his shoulders, he pulls out a smaller bag before handing it to you. “Made some food for you. Hopefully it helps with the hangover.”

“Thanks,” you gulp. Only Junghwan would think of something like this—something that would make your heart melt to the ground. Nevertheless, Junghwan remembered you’d have a hangover, which meant he remembered how drunk you were last night. 

“I’m sorry about what I said last night!” You suddenly blurt out, head hanging low. “I wasn’t thinking right, clearly, and—”

“What?” Junghwan’s voice was shaky, worried. “You’re taking it back?”

“You’re one of my best friends, Junghwan. What I said wasn’t right. I don’t want to ruin what we have, especially right after I got you back.” You gulp, your words turning sour and bitter on your tongue. Each sentence broke your heart into pieces. You were placing a wall between you and your chance at happiness, after all. 

“What about what I want?” Junghwan’s voice suddenly grew deep and firm. He slapped a palm onto the brick wall behind you, encasing you in his frame. Chills ran down your spine.“You’re too busy babying me and protecting me, did you forget I get a say in this, too? What if I wanted to take the risk? What if I wanted to make the jump to be with you?

“What are you saying?” you muttered like an idiot. 

Junghwan looks to the side, nervously hiding his face beneath the back of his hand. The shells of his ears grew red. His other hand fell from the wall before reaching into his pants pocket. He pulls out a pink frilly piece of fabric—fabric you recognized instantly. “Last night, the girl of my dreams; the girl that gave me her favourite pink scrunchie, told me she liked me back, and I want nothing more than to take her in my arms right now.” 

Your cheeks flush in heat at his heart fluttering words. Questions ran through your mind like runners in a marathon as your heart beat faster and faster. Junghwan wanted to be with you? You weren’t living in one sided nightmare? Junghwan was willing to risk your friendship for you? Your chest heaved as you clawed at the brick wall behind you—anything for that sense of reality. 

“Did you mean it? What you said last night?” Junghwan’s eyes flit back to you. 

Your heart made one final, courageous leap across your chest. Fuck it. 

“Yeah. I meant it all—I like you, Junghwan. I like you so much.”

The pressure on your shoulders began to float to the sky. This was what it felt like to stop lying to yourself, huh?

Like clockwork, Junghwan pulls you against his chest, his face melting into the crook of your neck. You cling onto his shoulders, grip maybe too tight for your liking. You didn’t want him escaping your grasp anymore. He was gentle, still, but you couldn’t help but notice a sense of urgency in his touch. As if he was waiting all his life for this. “I like you too, y/n.”

You pull away from your embrace, your eyes immediately linking to the sight of his lips. Call yourself selfish, but you needed to kiss the man in front of you. Right now. Judging by the almost ravenous stare from Junghwan’s eyes, it seems he felt the same. 

As if you were starving, you hopelessly clung onto the collar of Junghwan’s shirt, finally linking your lips onto his—genuinely, this time. You move your arms to cling around Junghwan's neck, and his arms loop around your waist. His lips tasted of a weird fruit medley—maybe it's from the gum you gave him last week—but it didn't matter. Sparks still popped against your skin, excitement shocking through your whole body. Junghwan raised a hand snug against the back of your head, protecting you from the brick wall as he leaned in further, deepening your kiss. It made your heart melt into a lovesick puddle beneath your feet. You cling onto the fabric of his collar. Junghwan knew just what to do to take your breath away. 

Slowly, you pull apart, breath shortened, chests heightened, and eyes both full of love. Junghwan keeps his gaze on you, and only you, as he brushes a hair behind your ear. 

“Promise you’ll let me take care of you now?”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. “I promise”

“Gross,” Jeongwoo winces as he studies the decorations on your apartment fridge—specifically, the photo of you and Junghwan, drunkenly asleep and cuddling on the couch. Safe to say, this was the last thing he expected to see on his visit to see his best friend and sister. 

“Shut up—it's cute!” Winnie, the obvious culprit, beams. 

“I tried getting her to take it down, okay,” You argue, fiddling with your boyfriend, Junghwan’s, fingers as his arm rests on your shoulders in a casual side hug. 

“Don’t act so innocent,” Jeongwoo narrows his eyes at the sickeningly sweet couple, jabbing a finger at you and Junghwan. “You guys are too damn clingy.”

Junghwan takes this opportunity to wrap his other arm—as well as one leg—around you. He looked like a big and goofy koala, but that didn't matter to you. “And what about it?” 

You giggle behind Junghwans arm, which was covering practically half of your face. “Yeah!”

“Yuck,” Jeongwoo’s cowers behind his shoulders, and the two of you laugh triumphantly. Your brother and Winnie quickly retire to another part of your apartment, probably to get away from you two. But that didn’t matter. You gave up at Junghwan, his eyes already gazing down at you lovingly. Heat creeped onto your cheeks. 

“Don’t mind them, baby,” Junghwan says with a pout.

You hum in response before Junghwan’s hand pulls you closer by the jaw, linking your lips with his in a sweet kiss. Even now, So Junghwan managed to take your breath away. 

“I know, baby.”