I like my music real loud

i love when the woman in my bluetooth earbuds says connected... yes we are girl <3

your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions 

your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions

do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

the second radish is 29 feet away

this is legitimately the funniest post on this site

How do i articulate how fucking Premium this content is

What a year this week has been.

It’s Monday.

It sure as hell is.

The earlier in the day Monday you reblog the funnier this gets

“You look slow and easy to kill”

Jeremy didn’t come to play 

This is better than the LGBTQ section of netflix 

of course i cum fast ive got fish to catch

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

hello i’m hoziest and this is my song i’m already in church

This post implies the existence of Hozey, who is not at church and has no desire to go.