chef at work but the kitchen is burning. graduate in haitani studies. nobody gets them like i do, and if you think you do, expect my next work to be your lobotomy.
iâm from spain, english isnât my first language and i donât ever intend for it to be so. currently finishing a masterâs degree, so updates are sporadic, but still iâll do my best <3
i will turn into a yapper if u ever mention: jjk, csm, kny, bts, persona, pokemon, tr, soul eater, silent hill, resident evil, ut/dt, hollow knight/silksong, frieren, hq & more !!! (srsly, i like everything lmao)
works ;
( i never abandon a work unless i explicitly say so, please be patient with me. feel free to askânicelyâhow a fic might be doing. i welcome constructive criticism as well, if itâs not rude or conceited. iâm no professional, and i do this out of love, but i am always open to learning and improving )
- all is said and done before doomsday comes | s62 x reader
- hiders, seekers. dogs and dreamers | nam-gyu x reader
- my ordinary life | tokrev x reader
- flowers for a graveyard | choso x reader, higuruma x reader
- butterflyâs tap in the cuckooâs nest | bts ot7 x reader
- dogland | squid game x reader
- how to build a heart (and steal another) | ran haitani x reader
- anatomy of a bellflower | rindou haitani x reader
others ;
- a study on the orchid | a ran haitani character analysis
- a study on the bellflower | a rindĆ haitani character analysis
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â another yap session (disguised as a character analysis) on the youngest haitani brother, featuring the eldest.
part i. the petals, who is rindou haitani?
at first glance, all rindou seems like is a bratty younger brother that barks and bites all it wants and thrives off it. a boy that bathes in the violence he causes, and that hates the people who act much like he does. i mean, his face says it all âserious, annoyed and irritatedâ even he canât seem to stand his own brother sometimes. a boy that crosses the line between maturity and childishness whenever and however he wants.
we see nothing but an impulsive ignorance he lives by, wearing all shit-eating grins and frowns that he switches around on the spot. a boy that will always walk a step behind his brother, whose hand will reach out and touch his back without accomplishment. rindou, who has the chance to stand by his brother and willingly refuses it âat least in his mind.
but thatâs just not rindou; merely the fighting fanatic that wants nothing but to be respected. and in his world, that is only through fear.
part ii. balance, what makes rindou, rindou?
at the end of the day, and much like it happens with his brother, rindou has a heart. and contrary to what one may think, itâs more out in the open in comparison to ran.
rindou loves, and he does it with respect and roughness all the same. that actually makes him so compelling, especially with the added info from izanaâs thoughts. after all, heâs deemed a good boyfriend (in tenjikuâs standards, not many in there to raise the bar hehe) and he isnât seen as someone vicious despite what weâve seen from him (someone who acts more irrationally and wilder than ran, who is seen as vicious). this is because, rindouâs a little softie.
a softie who loves his little hobbies and indulges heavily in them, so much so they become his future. someone who enjoys spending time with his friends, who respects and listens to them attentively (as heâs done with shion) and follows their lead towards shenanigans he doesnât want to get involved with, and does so anyway due to the care he treats his relationships with (as we have seen with kakucho). especially, someone who loves his brother no matter how scary he may get, to the point of following him into a life of violence and learning how to enjoy it, even though it arguably brings the worst out of him. rindou never was part of the gang ran was in, probably because ran himself never allowed it, and yet picked up fighting and helped his brother anyway (this last bit is just my interpretation).
this is what makes him, in my eyes, a good partner. someone who will tease but who will care just as much if not more. someone who will remain by your side, and stay there with you. although he has his flaws, and these all come to shine when his big brother joins the talk.
part iii. a shadow to himself, but a light for the one who casts it
one of tokyo revengersâ biggest themes is the bond between brothers. it is clear there are other characters more highlighted in this story, but the writing is still there for the haitani brothers. little and subtle.
rindou loves ran, and he completes the latter. they are half and half and each complete the puzzle to the otherâs heart. however, ran is rindouâs biggest blessing and curse altogether. this all concludes in rindouâs major flaw, how he carries out the insecurity his brother unconsciously causes him. and this is a clash that we see in rindouâs two star moments: his fight with hakkai and his fight with angry(and hakkai).
letâs start with the first one (it is less crucial) rindou sees his brother day after day doing absolutely nothing but being lazy, yet his presence is still so imposing, his name alone scares people off. rindouâs shoved into the âhaitani brothersâ as, not himself, but just the younger brother. (he was there, he beat a guy up, he can fight sure, but yeah ranâs just way scarier) this is bound to push the guy who learns about fighting for the love of the game to his very limit (mentally) and this probably got even worse when he had to fight hakkai by himself and lost almost immediately (to the kid he deems weak for depending on his older siblings). rindou doesnât want people to believe he depends on ran, he wants to be seen as his own person.
his insecurity reaches its peak when he comes across angry though. the opposite of who rindou is, a crybaby who needs his brother with him and admits that very same thing to rindouâs face. no wonder it kind of irked him, itâs like seeing the version of himself other people think he is (at least to rindou). he says it himself, he is in his brotherâs shadow, despite ran thinking the opposite. it is this way of thinking that sentences the fight for him to lose. he becomes impulsive, he refuses to acknowledge the strength in those that are weak of heart (he doesnât want to admit that he is included in that group), and he becomes unaware of what goes on around him. angryâs punch mustâve felt #humble.
personal input, but this could also merge well with the fact that rindou never matches with his brother, and instead chooses the opposite of what the latter does. to stand out in his own way, to stand out from the guy always by his side so that his shadow doesnât consume him.
i also believe this is something that ran is aware of, thus why he chooses to stand by rindous side to see his dreams come to fruition. giving him his very own spotlight.
in spite of all this, rindou stays with ran through all the good and the bad. remaining by his side even if it bruises his ego, yet he still loves his brother more. in a way, it motivates rindou to fight and find an out for the resentment his brotherâs reputation causes.
i personally believe this could cause some issues in a possible romantic relationship with him, the insecurity of not being enough or being a nobody in comparison to the much better option that his brother appears to be. while ranâs love is more cozy, rindouâs is strong âthe kind that he doesnât want to let go of.
part iv. bratty, why is rindou so mischaracterized?
rindou gets the double combo in this department. first heâs got a resting bitch face, second thing is heâs in bonten. i do not like the concept of the bonten trio, but they truly are the trifecta of mischaracterization.
just like with ran, iâve seen it all with rindou. and considering iâve seen many interpretations of him being nothing but a mean brute, yeah itâs tough out there. heâs a manwhore, an abuser and a massive alcoholic (apparently).
iâve said this before, but yes bonten is involved in shady stuff (fork found in kitchen, rest of cutlery found alongside it). this doesnât mean that rindouâs the devil, especially considering mikeyâs dark impulses were influencing them in a way. i think rindou got lucky, being able to not be truly alone in that timeline, to still have ran beside him. now they are both equals, and probably miserable too.
this is why i think rindou, out of pure devotion and stubbornness, will carry any relationship he formed before with him to bonten. itâll be a test for him to show ran he can take care of his partner and has no fear of what might happen. knowing rindouâs impulsivity, unfortunately, this could end up backfiring massively.
people have received someone with a mean looking face, so thatâs what the perception of him in bonten gets. someone rude and terrible to talk to, someone who only drinks and doesnât have an ounce of heart. big shocker, rindou has a heart of his own and isnât emotionless to the world around him. he does have emotions, that im sure of (gotta blame the lack of more content about him and his brother, the curse of not being the main character in this particular story).
part v. maturity, envy & impulsivity, afterthought
overall, and to finish this off reheating a bit of my own nachos (from my post on ran), i am in no way saying what is right or what is wrong about rindou. this is how i see his character, and how i think he can have a little more depth to him than what was shown to us in the original work.
i like how rindou is potrayed as being vastly different from ran, from personality to the way they dress. how his character is tied to his brothers physically (their tattoos) to something rooted more within his mind (his need to be seen as someone else other than ranâs little brother, perceived as less because of it).
and, no matter how weâve seen him get pretty brutal and violent, even the characters around him think to themselves that heâs not all that he pretends. actually kinder, even if heâd probably reject that idea. donât get me wrong tho, rindou is still very strong, and an scary foe to come across.
at the end of the day rindou is still the other half of the charismatic haitani brothers, he just shows that charisma in a different way than ran does, being more extroverted and in my opinion much more friendlier.
rindouâs biggest insecurity is being in his brotherâs shadow, not even realizing that he stands beside ran and not behind him like he himself thinks.
and to end my brief thoughts of rindou as a lover, while i do not think heâs the greenest flag around, i also donât see the reasoning behind some saying heâd just be terrible. he will struggle and battle his own thoughts a lot, but rindouâs love burns bright and strong âthe type that never ends for him, having someone in his heart forever. plus heâd be so fun, i mean he makes music, and i genuinely do believe heâs the type to love videogames and manga and just going out a lot and having lots of fun. heâs so unintentionally funny too, i think his company as a whole would just feel so warm, heâd make a friend or a partner feel cherished.
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ofc iâd reply :3 yess i have a lot of thoughts on rindouâs character and his role as a younger brother so iâm sure itâll be a prtty long post heheh
donât apologize ! i enjoy reading what u think abt it <3
Hellooo donât know if ur still doing these, but I saw ur post on my search of a ran haitani analysis. Was wondering if u could do one on rindou or the both of themđ«¶đŒđ«¶đŒđ«¶đŒur ran post was very spot on
hiii ^^ thank youu first of all !!! i thought the analysis (yap) was kinda ass jsnsjdowjwjekk so i get very happy when ppl agree with the points made :â)
yes, iâll do one abt rindou for sure ! i love him sm too and he gets so much shitty characterization sometimes âŠ. i guess it can also count as a haitani brothers post (one canât go without the other ;))
hiders, seekers. dogs and dreamers ; nam-gyu x fem!reader
âthe fourth game starts after a gruesome vote. in the midst of reds and blues, your own struggles seem to rival those of the man who haunts both you and himself.
warning â angst. nam-gyu might be ooc. idrc. typical squiddy things. trauma. a very weird love but nothing wrong with that. depression. get the mc out of there TT. angst, ANGST. hurt and the comfort is very off. angst. they are a weird fucking duo but they slay (go nam-gyu, go reader!). AAAAANGST. nam-gyu is CRAZY. angst.
wc ~ 4k
thereâs a distinct sound. a beep that shrieks higher, wanting to be heard as joyful, when the room is drowned in blue. like the button congratulates you, as if youâve done a great job.
its coldness is warm compared to the glares that pierce your back. your hand doesnât leave its comfort, begging for the time to halt. but life waits for no one, and in a place like this staying a few steps behind means to miss it.
you wonder what went through their minds as they decided to rebel, to bite back at the hands that clap for them as they fight death. the sick grins of those who enjoy this. the sick grins that are forced on peopleâs faces to forget theyâre in this place.
a single way out, inside a coffin wrapped in pink. stained with blood. you know youâd take it eventually, you have accepted it.
a dog that waits for their owner. wagging their tail, playing around. you figured it out before them; perhaps being that sharp is more of a punishment than a blessing.
cheering erupts, other dogs celebrate. they get to keep playing as they wait, but others are tired. the exhaustion all over their posture, and yet their glares are just products of your imagination.
numbered dogs. money. people. friends.
friends.
switching out your patch, you almost throw out the white cross swimming in red. its tact scorching your fingers, a chewed toy you no longer want. you are not bored with it, but you sure are done.
once you turn around you see them. do they not realize? do they still cling to humanity?
why? you know why. you could, too, think that way. if you donât avoid him, avoid the only real glare in the room.
behind the path between greed and agony, right in the middle, geum-ja trembles. one hand pressed to her sonâs arm, the other close to her chest. her eyes are bright, a fight of hope and sorrow within them. thereâs pity when she observes you, a motherly wish to forgive despite your wrongdoings.
throughout your life there has been many. you miss your mom.
on the other hand, yong-sik judges. he berates your every step, the blue hue below you that reminds you of your choice. albeit it is all a façade, for dogs donât vote. we are doomed! you want to yell at them, but the ache in your chest prevents you from it.
a little close to mother and son, hyun-juâs gaze follows you. itâs blank, a certain understanding to it, along conflicting thoughts. wanting to take your hand and pull you back to them, so that your eyes stop mirroring young-miâs as she fell to her death.
opposite to you, bathed in red, jun-hee agonizes as the pain grows louder and keener. you want to help, you really do, but if people like young-il and jung-bae âstrong and competent dogsâ could die, sooner or later all of you will follow.
dae-ho canât stop shaking, abandoned by everyone except his guilt. boiling into frustration, blooming into anger. weighting so heavy on his shoulders, you wonder how he can still stand.
and gi-hun. a kicked dog. tired of it all. his eyes mirror yours, they canât even look up from the floor. only by the beating of your hearts can someone really tell you two are alive. you believed he could save all of you, guess he believed that too. faith is one powerful drug; when the effect wears off, the real world is devastating.
sitting on a bed you wait. kicking your legs, stare lost on the red of your shoes âa polished white they used to be. you wait and wait until strong steps make their way to you, hurried but determined. you donât want to know, but awareness is a curse.
âwhat the hell.â nam-gyuâs voice is deep, guttural. lately all it sounds like is fury, desperation. he has seen and given death, screamed and insulted. âwhat the fuck are you thinking, voting to stay?â
even when his laughter appears strangled, nervous. thereâs a mellowness that unintentionally seeps into his every word when he talks to you. thanos used to make fun of it.
now that you think about it, his death brought a tone that was clouded âdarker and way more upsetting, as if something has switched.
âyou are going to fucking die.â he continues, and you keep watch of his tweaking hands by his thighs. a telltale sign that this is nam-gyu, and not the version the drugs transformed him into.
heâs brass, wearing a shield of violence around him. you could care less, and so you showed him sweet and soft, you showed him what a hug could do. that not every intention was evil, that not all dogs bite back.
some yearn for comfort. some yearn for love.
you sigh. long, exhausted. looking up at him and the frown that threatens you. itâs unsteady, and his gaze glistens. cross tucked under his jacket.
âi want to keep playingââ you cut yourself off, speaking in almost silence. a placid grin settles on your lips, common at the sight of him. even now that your mouth seems heavier; heart no longer on your sleeve. âand whatâs a dog without their owner?â
you donât mean to ask that. your expression, a forced peace, sending a rigid fright to crawl through nam-gyuâs back. its long, pointy fingers raking past his skin; so much so he could distinguish the scythe of death upon your neck. and you allow it.
he loathes the goosebumps that invade him while you are around. the twisting and churning of his stomach at the sight of you. the relief of his heart.
sweating, he stumbles with his words âyour words.
âyouâ keepââ lost in the mess of what you tell him, he struggles to form a sentence. he stutters, and once he does, groans and takes the collar of your shirt in his hands. pulling you up, forcing you out of the bed and closer to his face. âyou can barely even look at me!â
he shouts, nose brushing your own. warm breath caressing you, lips parted and near yours. need replaces fear.
do dogs act like this?
you donât mind the roughness at all, for it is nam-gyuâs odd display of kindness. you wouldnât call it that; the fear that lingers at the thought of a stronger word is palpable and present, and in borrowed time you donât dare to say it.
truthfully, nam-gyu has forcefully pulled you off the ground during the first game. you fell, stepped on by countless of terrified dogs, running towards one more day. next to you, even when you made no sound nor plea, he took your swollen wrists and pushed you towards the finish line.
âi donât know why i did that so donât thank me. just know that you owe me.â
days later, during mingle, he had pushed you into a room when you stood around without searching for someone else. you let the kind man who helped you in the six-legged race go with hyun-ju and young-mi, despite their protests, and welcomed your fate.
fortunately for nam-gyu, your fate had been being pushed face first into the wall of one of the rooms. a loud thud echoing as you fell on your ass.
âyou have to be fucking kidding me. play the damn game!â he would yell out, giggling through his wrath. until his eyes widened and warmth pools under your nose, the metallic tang of blood slipping past your lips.
with quivering hands, he lifted his shirt to your face. gentle brushes, his free hand resting on your cheek as his thumb drew shapes and danced close to your jaw.
the dried blood will remain on his shirt forever, you can see it now if your eyes slide down. a piece of you with him, in case you leave.
you should have been greedier. to paint his lips in the same red he caused as you savored him. as you savored love. to bite and crave and give in to hunger. to get rid of the thoughts that plagued you, clinging to nam-gyu for salvation.
dogs donât crave such feelings. the dogs here want the treat after retrieving the stick, and to be kicked around once they fail to do so.
before you realize, his hold on you turns weak. heâs standing far, far enough that you canât reach him. his unkempt hair stuck to his forehead, brows furrowed as he fumbles with the cross in his hands.
smirking, he shows the pill to you. bright and colorful.
âtake one.â he doesnât beg, but rejection would stab him. the euphoria it would drown you in will give you life, will give you hunger. âtake one, youâll win the games. youâll live. we will.â
maybe he could take you to the bathroom, figure out whatâs wrong with the stinging pain in his heart and the searing fire in his stomach. fuck it out, what else could desire be?
the feeling is too strong, too terrifying. so unlike dogs.
âcâmon, one pill.â he shoves it towards you. when your hands donât move to take it, fear creeps around, your presence fades. thereâs no way you can make it without one, not like this. âthey are good for you. in this place, this is a fucking treasure.â
he whispers, stressing out the last sentence. it remains in his hand, more so when you enclose it around his with your own. if it is so precious then he needs it more than you do.
when nam-gyu gets over the touch of your hands around his own, cold skin hugging the warmth of his, he comes across your beaming smile. fake like all the others, but only worn around him. it even makes for crinkles around your squinted eyes.
âiâll be fine.â you donât promise him, and the reassurance doesnât carry anything other than an icy wind.
before he can say something âanythingâ back to you, the robotic female voice over the intercom speaks for him.
âplayers, the fourth game will begin soon.â
â.đ Ì
your fingers take the cold metal and twist it. the machine rumbles, and your fate rolls down to your hand.
after so much blue, itâs ironic that the ball in your grasp is a killing red. with blue came the death that was soon promised to you. with this red, death now rests on your own hands. you are not made to be an executioner. the games have prepared you to wait for your treat âa bullet to your headâ not hand it out to others.
dogs donât share. dogs donât play god.
hyun-ju and dae-ho stare back at you. blue in their hands. none of you take a step, and you join jun-hee and geum-ja in your little red corner. nam-gyu soon to follow. tension is thick, dogs become hungry.
the red vest weights you down, a red devil pushing your shoulders, calling you names. it says killer, it says fighter. it calls you a winner. yet you are none of those things, nothing but dirt on your body.
childish, but honed and whetted is the knife in your hand. drawing blood at the smallest contact, this was made to kill, to entertain. everyone fumbles with it, too big for some and too small for others.
nam-gyu plays with it, stabs the air. smiles, chuckles, elated from the pills that save him. beside you, geum-ja shudders; jun-hee holds the knife as if it were poison âas if she would be the one dead from it.
âyouâll be alright.â you promise her, free hand âthe innocent oneâ on hers. you turn to the woman on your other side. eyes bright, pretending for hope, bathed in light. âboth of you.â
then, the defeated get one breath of fresh air. the room becomes a dance between reds and blues, people switching, dogs running around in circles looking for others. youâll leave both women with hyun-ju, youâre sure. yong-sik will join the doomed club, abused dogs that canât bite back.
âhey.â dae-ho calls you, blue swaying with red. he speaks with tremor, tense shoulders and fidgety hands. sweat pools in his forehead, hairs sticking close. âcan youâ can you switch with me?â
a key dangles from his hand. he turns, scanning the room and stopping at gi-hun. the knife in his hand mocks him, huffs his name through gritted teeth.
you laugh. a heartfelt one, brief and sweet. it makes him jump, focusing on you instead. biting your tongue, clenching your jaw, thatâs how you hide your own fear. stronger than acceptance, always a looming presence.
âsure.â he exhales, muttering endless âthank youâs. not done with the deal, dae-hoâs terror flows back into him at your proposal. all with a grin on your face, silently pleading. âbut on one condition, i have to be the one you kill.â
begs and promises are thrown into the room around you. some cry, some smile. some protest and others choose to fear. dae-ho, with his eyes to yours, canât utter a response. wide and shaking, his gaze struggles to hold itself together, watering.
balancing his own life and yours, walking the rope. his throat burns, itching to refuse. his hands canât kill, his heart wonât handle it. he canât end your life, he wants to save it.
but the game would be so easy this way. you seem to want it, too.
taking a single glance at the knife in your hand. at your bloodied corpse, at himself hovering over the casket. dae-ho would rather fight the fear.
he shakes his head. brain insulting him, reminding him of his stupidity. throwing away to live one more day.
your giggling alerts him. your voice has always been a mellow breeze.
âyouâre a good man.â
the compliment embraces him. warms him, makes him feel at home. heâll always be thankful for it, when gi-hunâs fury kills him. frustration choking him. he wasnât alone. he was loved. there was someone who didnât see him as a monster.
time runs up. fates sealed. the blues leave first, and geum-ja, jun-hee and hyun-ju offer a look of concern. for you, for yong-sik, for the people youâll be after the thirty minutes are over.
âtake the damn pill.â crouching down in front of you, nam-gyu enters your vision once more with the pill in between two of his fingers. âwe both know you wonât kill anyone.â
âa beaten dog can.â you immediately answer, more to yourself than him. he barely even hears it. even when your voice is always crystal clear, no matter how much noise pounds his head.
crawling up to your thigh, his hand rests there. he gives it one squeeze, he tries to let out a laugh. useless as you sit broken before him. red doesnât seem like a pleasant color after that.
nam-gyu doesnât know whether he loves a person or a corpse.
âyou take it.â you tell him after a brief silence. placing your hand on top of his, your face heats up. for a little while, the shaking stops, the pain dissipates. your heartâs joyful again, before this place. âyou need it, too.â
the smile you give him as you talk, as you give up, haunts his every sleep. you have such a way to tend to his heart and destroy it. now in his throat, the beating turns erratic. the desperation morphs into one ugly creature, one that possesses people here.
one that bites. hard.
wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, nam-gyu blinks. a fire burning in his pupils, consuming it all. passionate, angry, demanding. his brows narrow and his lips scowl.
an enraged monster within him, clinging and clawing at your heart. hideous; beautiful in your eyes. nam-gyu will always appear prettier through your gaze, you wish everyone could see it. could see him.
âdonât you fucking see? no one here cares about what happens to you!â from his tongue only fire comes. it stings, it burns. tone irate, higher than usual at the exasperation. âno oneâs here to save you!â
you digest the bitterness. take it all. with sweetness, a dulcet tone that coats your query, you ask him.
ânot even you?â
silence follows. silence stays. you accept it, and as you leave him behind, he breaks into sobs.
as you are all led to the room of the game, nam-gyu takes the pill. succumbs to manic laughter and the hunt for terrified people. maybe heâd forget you were there, so his heart can shut up about it.
min-su, another boy you have bonded with, considering you two are one of the same, has gone off somewhere mumbling about the late se-mi. youâd be surprised to find someone that hasnât lost their mind in this place.
the game begins. you navigate the maze, lost in the starry night above you. outside it looks much prettier, sometimes wishing stars would come up.
youâd wish for love once. only once.
you decide that, it isnât so bad to bask in the cold air of a fraud sky full of stars. where shrieks echo in the distance, where dogs run and play and their owners, somewhere else, laugh and cheer them on.
death lingers in every step. breathing in terror. in the path ahead of you someone mumbles to himself. blue, screams when he finds you in front, runs away just to be killed by another red. he thanks you, you donât really care.
looking up at the sky. dark and dressed in shining stars, you ask for a big dinner in a comfortable home. for your friends to attend, for their dreams to be achieved.
you donât dare to ask for love again.
numbers lower, clock runs to his end. only ten minutes remain when you turn another corner, walking aimlessly âtalking to the sky. another person in blue stands at the other end of the corridor.
âiâ i have a wife.â he says to you, rocking on his feet. hands behind his back, beads of sweat falling from his chin and onto the floor. painted a darker color, stained with dread. âi have a daâdaughter.â
again and again he repeats it. he doesnât talk about them, but shields himself from you with them. he walks closer.
closer.
âi have a wife. i have aââ he halts, takes deep breaths. âa daughter? did i say that?â
heâs way bigger than you.
closer.
âiâm not gonna kiââ you begin, hands up. although he starts to shout before you can finish the sentence, and his stroll turns to a full sprint. from behind him he pulls out a stolen knife, and in your mind nam-gyuâs face flashes.
your train of thought is cut off by a clean stab to your side. digging deeper as the man closes in on you. you open your mouth, no sound coming out but a mere âohâ.
he twists it, gritting his teeth and groaning. and like a pressured dog, beaten and kicked around, your hand shoots up in a flash and plunges at his neck. you barely register it; he doesnât either, not until you two fall limp onto the floor. deep red clashing against the dark blue of the sky.
still, you keep breathing. slow, steady, with your back against the wall.
an announcement calls out your number, tells you you have passed. the collared dog gets their treat, but you swipe it away when itâs right in your face.
tormenting throbs invade your body, an ache you canât get rid of slowly consuming you. the twinging pain spreads throughout you, slashing your every vein, artery, whatever it finds inside. when you cough and blood splatters the ground, you want to snort.
nonetheless, it all vanishes when past your hazy sight, you recognize the dried blood in nam-gyuâs shirt. pupils having devoured his eyes, chattering teeth and hands that wash themselves in your blood.
how lovely.
ânam-gyu.â you utter his name, in such a way it breathes life back to you. the sparkle in your eyes is back, and he can almost see himself reflected upon them.
you call his name with so muchâ care.
you call his name with so much love. a strange feeling to his heart, familiar only to you.
âiâm so glad you are here.â choking up in your own blood, you smile. all teeth painted red, you want to speak while you can. words flimsy and frail. âiâ i wanted toââ
he listens, having his own mind âcrazed and long goneâ process whatever mess heâs seeing now. his head hurts, eyes stinging. you swirl in his vision, you look so happy to be gone.
his hands, morphed into fists, shake from the force.
âi wanted to keep playingââ one deep breath after another, slowing down. you push past the agony. âto keep playing with you.â
you raise up a wobbly arm, hand reaching out for him. it lands on the side of his face, cradling him. caressing his skin, unbothered by the innocent blood that coats it. a first and last for nam-gyu as his head leans towards it in pure instinct.
pulling yourself off the wall, you approach him. slightly tilting your head, closing your eyes âeven if you wonât open themâ and getting to taste his lips as they dance with your own.
at first itâs shy, a first kiss that turns hungrier, desperate. nam-gyu follows your rhythm, answering you with the same devotion. tongue wrapped around yours, playing, tasting. alive.
he barely gives you time before going for another one. and another one after that. the greed only turning worse, the craving getting bigger. knowing there wonât be more afterwards.
once, you asked the starry night for love. and it gave it to you, you werenât just close.
breaking the kiss, you explode in glee. with every shake of your shoulders your stomach screams in pain. you keep laughing, head turned from nam-gyu, whose head paints a picture of despair to him.
this is it. he says. this is all. he ponders, his senses turning hazy, the euphoria welcoming him back. hugging him with arms of outrage, showing him a path of death where you stand.
âyou stupid girl, how could you?â he mutters, the cold leaving him with goosebumps. your smile full of red imprinted in his mind. âhow dare you?â
in one last act of what he considers love, he lifts up the knife. a lone cry, an endless screech as he brings it down to your stomach. he stabs you once, twice, thrice, until the weight upon him lifts.
no doll eyes to your face, but sweet relief. he doesnât know whether thatâs his mindâs doing or reality.
a voice âthe speakerâ speaks past all the shouting around him.
âred players arenât allowed to kill other red players.â
deaf to his ears, nam-gyu wails while he joins your body in an embrace. a hug he yearns for, in between tears and whimpers. he doesnât notice when a shadow stands behind him, the sound of a loaded gun and the piercing bullet that goes in and out of his head.
coating childhood drawings with remains of brain matter. nam-gyu dies with his head resting on your shoulder, nose pressed to your neck and arms around your figure.
close by, hyun-ju opens a door that begins to sing congratulations.
you didnât win. however, you have left this place with a smile on your face. a meaningful, peaceful âgiddyâ smile.
dogs donât smile as they die.
dogs donât grieve as you are eliminated. your name in their minds and not your number.
dogs donât hug eachother so tightly, that even in death itâs hard to separate the two of you. the struggle takes more than one guard.
perhaps, thereâs some sort of freedom to that. in a place like this.
i sincerely hope this is the worst thing you get to read today :3 in another life they all live and have a big dinner (yippee)
this is a pre-fic for a longer fic iâm planning. nam-gyu centered (but iâll probably add other characters like dae-ho or hyun-ju). itâll be called dogland, and itâs way different from this dw. with way more depth. dk when itâll come out tho, i have ongoing projects i want to focus on.
hope you enjoyed this one <3 feedback is appreciated, reblogs would be great hehe. thank you if you read all this, i love nam-gyu that silly goof. one shots are fun to write sometimes.
â a character analysis (yapping session, mostly) on the eldest haitani brother.
part i. the petals, who is ran haitani?
when one thinks of ran, charisma might just be the picture inside their minds. itâs exactly what he represents, and part of the reason as to why he is so loved. on the surface, heâs stylish, charismatic, and cocky.
ran knows how to present himself in such a way, others have no choice but to admire him. heâs confident and very strong, appearing so sure of himself before outsiders. one might think he has no weaknesses, his success explained by the single emotion he parades around everyone else.
you barely get to see him out of his shit-eating grin in the manga, always teasing and mocking. putting others below him, so successful and incredibly popular âone thinks.
but, is that all there really is to him?
part ii. complexity, what makes ranâ ran?
ran haitani, behind the façade he puts up to appear so grand, is in fact, a boy much like the rest. confident, sure, but with a heart of his own and a hint of tenderness that is hard to acknowledge for most.
a sleepy, moody, boy who would much rather sleep than attend parties and get-togethers. a boy who loves his sweets, and taking care of himself to look his best. a boy with a dream, that we get to see him chasing by how he carries himself.
ran haitani is smart, having keen instincts, but deep down a kid that wants to have fun. gangs arenât all to him, violence not the solution to his every problem and his motive, but rather a way to be what he has always wanted to âa celebrity of sorts.
itâs hard to pinpoint ranâs upbringing due to his lack of a proper backstory, but i believe him to be a spoiled kid who has always wanted more. stepping out of the shadows of his family to cast his own, while his brother stands beside him (and not in his shadow like rindou himself thinks, but thatâs a different analysis).
heâs vicious and greedy, wanting to be at the top because itâs what heâs seen and admired ever since he was a low-ranking member of a gang. he wanted what those boys had, taking it away from them in the worst way possible âbut in the most effective one in the world they are part of. he uses his intelligence for this, and the success is palpable.
but thatâs only the half of ran that swirls in violence, written in the tattoo taking a part of his body. the other half, however, is the empty skin where the puzzle piece fits ârindouâs tattoo, the heart of his brother that completes his own.
because above all, ran haitani is caring and kind. the people he lets into his heart are absolute, attaching himself to and understanding them well. he cares for the hidden bonds that izana denied out of anger, but that were there for tenjiku, and he respects them and is mindful of those that can break it because heâs human.
he cares for rindou, and stays by his side no matter what. their strength remains in their brotherhood; it collapses when his younger brother is defeated, because the concern clouds the mind. ran and rindou are one, even remaining together in the future despite the difference in their dreams. (and considering their occupation, it seems ran was the one to step down to help rindou with his dream). although not very present or relevant, ran remains one of the best examples of an older brother throughout the series.
though i feel like, if thereâs one moment where ranâs real character (and potential) shines more than any other time, itâs during izanaâs death. the only real instance where we get a peek on who ran really is, the personality underneath the cocky viciousness and unfaltering grins. his heart is exposed and vulnerable in front of everyone else, giving full closure to izanaâs own dream of creating a family of his own. ranâs heart is just as soft as any other, just tucked in with multiple layers of indifference and ego.
unfortunately, ran suffers from what many other characters in different animes do, the lazy face and arrogant smile syndrome. and, as well, got extra damage from the characterization that inevitably came with all of bonten.
part iii. bonten, why is ran so mischaracterized?
man, why is bonten so mischaracterized would be the better question. could do a whole series from it, too. most characters reduced to a single trait or sentence said throughout the arc.
what has ran been accused of? iâve seen it all i think: a manwhore, cheater, abuser, alcoholic man who probably wouldnât even care about anyone at all. and two ideas sprouting from this make me extremely upset. one, this characterization has been carried down to tenjiku/rt/kmg ran, and two, people will argue that this is true to ranâs character and who he really is.
is it? no. with the lack of bonten information, we canât pretend this is how they behave. none of these men aspired to become criminals in the future, only did it for izanaâs sake (in most cases). obviously, as part of a criminal group, itâs safe to assume heâs done some terrible shit. but does that include all listed above? letâs see.
why is it that ran is seen as a manwhore? heâs attractive and charismatic, a celebrity in his own territory, but this is probably only referring to the delinquent world. i doubt ran gets a girl every time thereâs a party in his apartment when he doesnât even appear to like those much. and i find it hard to believe that heâd spend his entire nights in nightclubs with strippers in his bonten days. why is that the normal with bonten fics? it has been said that bonten is involved with prostitution, but bonten is much more than those 8.
now, letâs make up these two cases. one, ran haitani has an established partner heading into bonten. he cares, cares and loves so much heâd make sure nothing would happen to them. wouldnât even think of getting them involved. yeah, maybe the relationship grows a little gloomier. it is bonten after all, and mikeyâs dark impulses are kind of just slithering into everyoneâs lives. but i think that, assuming he just instantly becomes a cheater and abuser is just losing the plot. letâs try not to reduce the little personality we got of him even more.
second case scenario, ran haitani doesnât have a partner. i believe this is the most likely choice, i donât believe ran to focus so much on potential partners, or being a womanizer enough to charm every woman he meets. heâd much rather stick close to the people he calls family, and not rope in someone innocent to this whole mess. as much as i love ran (i love him a lot i think it shows) i personally believe heâs a person that does well on his own without a partner, not actively looking for one. focusing on his life and his brotherâs, and the deep shit they are stuck into with bonten.
no tokyo revengers character is fully good, thatâs what makes them so intriguing! and while ran haitani has a lot of questionable traits that make a terrible person to come across as an enemy, he has as much of a heart as any other character. the man has emotions, they just havenât been explored by the author :(
part iv. respect, dignity & admiration, afterthought
in no way am i the haitani police (i am actually, just undercover) to tell you how to interpret a character. the fun in those who donât get much information is to make up a background for them ! no correct answer since nothing has been said. however, i simply do not like this whole thing about ran being a horrible person and treating someone like they arenât even a human being and people pushing it so hard to be canon. bonten has hurt many, and wattpad books too, i know they have some kind of fault.
ran haitani is such a beautiful character to explore, thereâs many layers to him even if thereâs none to see at first. a bratty, childish man who appears cold and cocky but is actually incredibly smart, and so vulnerable and caring. but that doesnât do well in the world he moves around in doesnât it? heâs such a silly little guy, and in my own little twist of things i believe him to be quite the loser.
iâm sure that while, it could be hard to approach him and get close, once he has a partner heâd be so loving and loyal. angst assured bc he probably would try to push them away at some point, but all efforts to be with him would be so worth it. heâd be a little possessive, maybe sometimes a little bit toxic, but with its up and downs it would be a beautiful relationship.
sad to see he has fallen into the fuckboy character stereotype, and bonten doesnât do any of their members justice either. but despite all of that, iâll always headcanon ran to be the hopeless romantic type, just keeping it well to himself. but once he loves, he loves. and it makes it so worth writing for him.
at the end of the day, all the different versions one comes across is what keeps the character alive, like them more or less. still, he shouldnât be just reduced to a so called sex god who also doesnât even know what an emotion is. or those theories that were so popular back then, shivers.
so yeah, happy birthday to ran <3 what a character am i right.
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all is said and done before doomsday comes ; s62 x fem!reader
âitâs no secret that tenjiku brings misfortune to all those whose red fabric bleeds onto their skin. before the dooming tragedy crashes upon all of your closest friends, you indulge yourselves in a night where all limits break, tasting what once was forbidden to them.
warning â smut (mdni) ! gangbang, sub!reader, rough sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f & m receiving), orgasm denial, double penetration, anal, dacryphilia, squirting, lots of cum/spit/tears, creampie, praising, body worship, overstimulation, size kink, readerâs eyes are covered at one point, 69, mating press (?), some of them are filthy little freaks and others nasty little shits, kakucho not invited bc he was 14 at the time, got a masterâs in dickology i guess bc never have i ever described so many with such detail, thereâs probably more i missed idk
wc ~ 9.6k
note, this. this is what i bring to the function. the inability to write porn without plot, always shoving in feelings everywhere.
part i. my heart for thought.
the day before the fight between tenjiku and toman, all men close to you meet up for dinner at your apartment. a tradition dear to you ever since they were boys, with so much anger on their cupped hands spilled in the violence that filled their every desire. yet, not a single drop ever splashed onto you, their touch soft albeit drenched in murderous blood.
paths crossed after stumbling upon their formation, running away from a crowd of high school boys âat the time way older and biggerâ you were the reason for their first conquest as tenjiku. a bond forged with the vivid red of your heartsâ, the black of the darkness that surrounds them and the white of the ray of hope you offer.
ever since then youâve been friends, the closest ones could ever be. your heartbeats merged; a yearning for your warmth naive. presence leaving traces of heat on their cheeks, some dark red much like their uniforms.
however, time passes, and before you now stand men. knuckles bruised and innocence gone, viciousness part of their hearts along with the thirst for a bigger power. and even then, a big chunk of their hearts and souls has never left your hands, having them crave more strongly ânever understanding what they even wanted.
also having grown with them, with each year your fear has only grounded itself further. roots wrapping around your feet and having you stay put as the world they have constructed opened itself to you. screams laced in agony and tears reflecting sadness, you were aware one day those sadistic grins would perish. the thought eats you alive night and day, in your nightmares and dreams.
it wasnât the loneliness that scared you, but the idea of losing the blood that pumps your heart. romantically, thereâs nothing (or so you say); despite that, the strings that connected you to them are thicker âtough to break and more tense than they have ever been.
so tense they could come undone and tie themselves back up to a bond thatâs even mightier. but nothing can make them crumble, you are sure of it.
âi donât want you guys to fight tomorrow.â you leave your words to hang in the air, washed in the scent of loitering takeout boxes, steam circling around them.
outside, the vast darkness is splattered by dots of light. not following a pattern, entangled in their dance, two stars farther than the rest. in the wide crystals that separate your group from the cold winter night, calmness is reflected.
you barely whisper, but their attention is always on you, so to them it was as loud as a scream. a plead for tranquility to finally settle, heart stripped to vulnerability.
âwhy the hell not?â shion retorts, although his tone isnât mad nor pissed off. eyes on you, like theyâve always been, feasting on your pouting lips.
he keeps the head shake to himself, chopsticks navigating through his food to keep his mind occupied. nevertheless, the plopping sounds coming from the boxed noodles have him swallowing down an invisible lump in his throat.
âhave a bad feeling, dunno.â shrugging, you mumble, dulcet to combat shionâs unconscious roughness. a gesture he silently thanks, chest constricted inside of him.
not having touched the food tonight, your hands rest in heavy fists on top of your thighs. your stomach mocks you, feasting on the concern that drops upon it, twisting in giddiness that makes itself painful to you. the living roomâs icy kisses bring you shivers, its presence heavy.
when the younger haitani scoffs, forcing you out of the mortal trap that are your thoughts, you notice the piercing ache in your head from your harsh wrinkles in between furrowed brows. you donât want them to misinterpret your worrying for anger ânot that they wouldâ the curve they form now more upset.
ânothing will happen.â rindou waves your fear off with a lazy hand from his place in one of the couches. the smile he gifts you gives a tender hug, so joyful and relaxed. âas long as youâre alive, none of us could ever think of leaving you.â
they donât need to say it out loud; they all agree.
on the other hand, you offer rindou a smile of your own. itâs nervous, trembling while it holds itself up, but ravishing in his eyes. swimming in a vivid purple, his pupils grow bigger, lights reflecting a desire for your wellbeing âa desire for you.
his words can do wonders, and while it may be just for a short time, you can proclaim thereâs been an instant tonight where youâve felt everything would be alright. the world sure wasnât ending tomorrow, not when that same world declares it wonât. no matter what, all because of you.
yet itâs all in your eyes, wide and averting. the terror has taken over you like a parasite, taking more than sweet words to get rid of.
âyeah, weâre plenty strong!â mochi exclaims, his grin triumphant. arm lifted, he flexes it with pride to which shion rolls his eyes, but the short snort you utter makes it worth it. âwhat, you donât trust us?â
your eyes broaden even more when you hear his dejected question, his smirk fallen into a disappointed frown. you shake your head, rapidly so. trusting their strength; with your heart in their hands, you donât want it to suffer.
throughout the years, the bond that connects you to them has proven to be ever growing. your mind, body and soul as much of a part of them as your own. same for them, who have given all of those to you when all you knew were their names. if it were to be severed, something within you would die, and if it happened to morph into a more passionate craving âone none of you answer to nor understandâ youâd fear for the unknown future, and the growth within your heart.
âitâs not that, iâm juâ justââ you donât mean to stumble upon your words, the same way you donât want them to think you canât leave fate on their calloused hands. taking a deep breath, you gulp. âjustââ
but your words are deep in your chest, unable to get out. your gaze glistens, honing onto your fidgeting hands, blinking any trace of the soon to come tears. the bad omen only makes its presence more evident to you, poking its ugly tongue, invisible to anyone else in the living room. itâs real, vivid, and it makes youâ
âscared?â itâs mucho who completes your train of thought in your stead, always listening to your heart, inviting him to the confines of your mind.
heâs never needed many words, his gaze hungry for the knowledge of you. and when you nod, answering his query, his expression relaxes. although only when your terror has truly subsided, will he rest peacefully.
âiâm terrified.â you confess, the moon at its highest peak in the darkest sea. voice thin, breakable with a simple touch.
they loathe it, your distress. a stab to their hearts even when someone elseâs fright pumps it back to life. to them, that was love, caging your fragile heart in their arms so that their backs take all the damage.
a hushed promise is shared between all of them, one to save you from that dismay, no matter what it takes or how itâs done. itâs sealed, and so is the nightâs fate.
thereâs shuffling, muted steps silent against the floor below. in front of you stand a pair of black socks, looking up to come across the diminished violet hues of izana. a deep color honed in violence, shining with anger that once glimmered with joy. ruined by the big heart of who he thought was his brother, so eager to bring up mikey to the life they shared âtheir secrets, their bond, broken by the youngestâs toothy grin.
alas, you havenât been tainted by his ill-fated hands yet, secured by his own presence. his hand, small but grounding, delicate despite how many punches it has thrown at the world around him. all blood is cleaned, resting on your thigh, caressing your skin.
an electrifying touch, much like the othersâ, having you sweat. heat on your face, heart hungry, but youâve never given it much thought. youâve always loved them, willing for the emptiness of your body to fill itself with yearning so as to not sacrifice what was carefully built.
izana speaks in gentle promises and strong declarations. he doesnât sugarcoat whatâs intense, allowing it to crush whoever hears him, wanting his love to be known. you know they do love you, but the blind eye you all turn to when it comes to the dissatisfaction of your desires will always yell louder.
âwe love you, so much.â more than you could know, the silence completes, unheard.
you find the hidden words with ease, nothing will happen to us, he says, and what izana says, goes. but they are blind to the scythe in the middle of the room, itching to spin around and take its next victim. and you know, between you and those whose red jackets bleed, the result will always be one of them.
âenough to drop the fight?â you counter, your decisive frown challenging them. deepening once izana gives a slow shake of his head.
âenough to refuse to die.â
his response isnât as reassuring as you would have liked, no matter how deep his words puncture. he gives your flesh a firm squeeze, eyes widening at the tight grip on your thigh.
clearing his throat, he turns back to his place on the couch. a small smirk, concealed as triumph when all it really shows is satisfaction. actions given out to make you forget the disappointment due to his answer.
you sit there, missing the warmth of his presence; the contact on your skin. cravings come back up, like bile stuck to your throat. you need to keep it away, as you have always done.
gulping, you focus on the clockâs ticking. small conversations are carried out between them: shionâs obnoxious laughter and rindouâs childish chuckles, the serenity of muchoâs presence, mochiâs boyish pride, the veiled kindness izana attempts to hide or ranâs attentive listening that you know makes him caring âeven though he sometimes uses all he knows to poke fun at them.
you love tenjiku, even kakucho, who couldnât be there tonight. his spot is empty, unoccupied, chopsticks untouched on top of the table. you donât care, keeping him close to your heart as well.
âiâll protect them, always.â mumbling, ranâs lips curve up into a smile full of fondness. adoration sparkling the hyacinth tint of his pupils, capturing the memories of the people he treasures for himself.
your own smile engraved on his mind forever, one he makes sure will always stay that way. along the light in your eyes, never dimming despite their company. you make them forget what they are, and what friends would they be if they donât return the favor?
dinner ends when the moon is at the brightest peak of her journey. between indistinctive chatter you all clean up, the suffocating smell of food consumed by the strong winds from the ajar window.
goodbyes happen as they have done ever since the beginning. strong hugs that last longer than usual this time, pressing you closer to them, some hiding the goosebumps caused by your nose against the side of their necks. others decant for kisses on your cheek, lips so different but exuding the same elation âthe exact same passion that burns you from the inside out.
the door opens; you wish for this night to keep going. a reckless dream that should have been more precise.
âi love you guys.â through wobbly words, you manage to say in a flimsy voice. stare avoiding theirs, and lips pressed together tightly. âthank you, for being in my life.â
you blink, trying to dry off your watery eyes. back of your hand wiping them, getting rid of any trace of tears. your heartbeat quickens its pace, moving its way up to your throat, unable to add anything else.
but you turn to them, fear aside, wanting to take one more look before the inevitable happens. and when you do, you come across their gaping mouths and reddish blushes, their hearts going so crazy they are just as speechless. something was different, less friendly; more intricate.
itâs shion who breaks the silence, knowing that if any of them were to touch you now, what would happen could break what was so carefully tied together. they hated to fight against what they wanted, but they could never win if it meant for everything to crumble to pieces.
the world was so unfair, depriving all of you of the purest of loves, and the night to seal it off.
âyouâre gonna make me blush, cutie.â shion smirks, more a grimace than anything else, turning around to walk towards the elevator. with an aching heart and disappointment, the others follow his lead too.
âyeah, heâs gonna have to go home quickly to beat his meat in peace.â mochi snorts, their backs to you, leaving you to listen to their forced chuckles.
âoh shut the fuck up! you donât want me to start talking.â threat dangerous enough to have mochiâs mouth shut, you dread for the moment the elevator arrives. maybe itâs for the best, as all fun has now turned sour, frustrations hard to hide in each and every expression.
you loathe this departure, the bad feeling hugging you so close you choke on your misfortune and the emptiness in your body and soul. no choice but to sit back on your couch, loveless and alone, dreading for horrible news you are sure will end up coming true.
the elevator dings, doors opening wide. before they close, all of them spare you one last look, blended in sadness and failure, for your fear persists in your shaking figure and your pleading eyes. maybe they should have kissed you so hard, you have nothing on your mind but that. filling your thoughts with each of them, helping you sleep, doing whatever it takes. but they canât do any of that.
after all, youâre just their bestest friend. a step theyâre satisfied standing in, or they convince themselves they are, at least. but has there ever been someone to stay in the middle of some stairs, waiting forever for something to happen, not making their way up themselves?
the elevator closes; so does your door. the spare key still in its place inside the potted plant by the entrance.
part ii. my body for dinner.
your bedroom welcomes you with a cold hearted hug, having you wrap your arms around yourself. the huge windows make way for the night painted in streaks of melancholy, the city below so lively; you so dejected.
giving your bed a single glance, you can already tell sleep wonât be coming tonight nor tomorrow. your love is laughable to you, shy and unwilling to make itself braver, sticking to comfort.
whatâs so comforting about the loneliness you are doomed to drown in? where no helping hands remain alive to pick you up, having no choice but to join the men you love in death?
tonight will be full of these thoughts, you know that, yet they still hurt. each a stab to your body, a mockery at your soul. every ounce of positivity you try to get out of your system mere carnage to them. it had to be today, you should have crossed that line that unconsciously formed.
allowed them to come closer to you. much like shionâs calloused hands and their cold touch creeping up from behind you, covering your eyes and whispering close to your ear.
âboo!â you shriek, shoulders tense as you jump up in place. however shionâs hold is tough to get rid of, pulling you closer to him without coming across his chest. he wouldnât have bitten back the moan that was sure to happen.
he laughs, everybody joining right after. you take a deep breath, huffing through their laughter with a hand to your chest. though you donât want to admit, your heartâs elated at their appearance âat the fact they have come back for you.
âshion, what the hellâs your problem?â it comes out louder than intended, shrill and angry. to them, itâs obvious you donât mean it. your brows furrow, scowling at the group of men you canât see. âand why did you guys come back?â
when shionâs lips lean closer to your ear, hot breath fanning the side of your face, your voice falters. the question dies out, tongue starting to dry. you have to suppress the filthy little sound you almost let out when he nibbles on your earlobe.
âyou knew it was me?â you gulp when his voice turns deeper, lowered to a darkened pitch that you are ashamed to admit has gone down to your core. room growing hotter. the icy loneliness dissipated the moment they all walked back in, and even so your nipples are erect against your top.
you want to blame it on the cold, but you arenât fooling any of them with that excuse. instead, you try to turn the situation around, gaining control and drawing another line.
âyou didnât answer my question.â
âyou didnât answer his.â bold as ever, izana takes the control off your hands unapologetically so. previous fondness gone, reserved in his heart for his full desires to let loose. at least, itâs what they all promised to do before clicking your floorâs button again.
deciding against remarking that you did ask first, you take one last deep breath. itâs filling and calming, not easing your erratic beating but doing wonders to clear your head. you donât know what to do, having them all on your side, a stupid line long forgotten. is giving in to them your best choice?
or ratherâ is what you have always wanted the best choice?
with your next answer, soft spoken and sincere, you have erased any chance of such a line existing again. the fate of the night has been set, written in the stars watching behind your windows. destiny promised to the moon, gifting all of you the pleasure youâve been seeking for.
âof course i know itâs him. i know each and every one of you.â because you love them, and because they love you so much too, theyâll help you without a doubt. in the nastiest way they can, but theyâll keep that to themselves.
for a brief second, shionâs hands leave your face to have you see them all. with barely any time to register the image of their eager eyes and hungry mouths, you are grabbed by the aforementioned and pushed to the bed, where you are now sitting on his lap. hands back to your eyes, nerves corrupting your mind.
biting back a whimper when your ass inevitably bumps into his clothed crotch, you notice shionâs breath staggers as well. itâs not too evident yet, but you know his cock will turn much harder, the wet kiss he gives your nape leaving a trail of goosebumps down your back.
you press your thighs âalready close togetherâ much harsher. the friction isnât helping, but you donât want shion to feel your throbbing cunt at the thought of what could happen. of what is sure to happen.
âwe know youâd be awake tonight, still scared of us dying.â izanaâs voice, under the sturdy curtain of playfulness, carries heed. their eagerness however, mixes in to give the atmosphere a knot of tension that must be undone. forming for years, but so fragile. âwe want to help you forget, for you to relax.â
he doesnât specify how theyâll do that; you donât want to ask either. their response comes in heavy footsteps, a presence stopping right ahead of you, breaths heavy and fervent. then, your own breathing halts, leaning towards the anticipating uncertainty.
a hand is tamely placed on your cheek. huge, with big long fingers, and cosy, making you lean your head towards his hold. touch mild despite the brutality you know it unleashes, but you bathe in the traces lit up with craving fire as it slides down your face. moving down towards your chest, where a single finger circles around your covered boobs, crossing to your nipples to play with their hardness. his thumb joins to pinch one, your muted moan silenced by shionâs groaning at your assâ moving.
âdo you know whoâs touching you now?â the latter wonders, tone low and full of need. through quick breaths he regains his composure, but his straining cock calls for your pulsating cunt so desperately.
unknown hand making its way below, it stops right above your clothed pussy. with its lone force he parts your legs apart, giving light slaps to the thin fabric of your pijama. you hum, leaning your head back to shionâs shoulder, legs making more way for the hand to go deeper.
it does, taking the hem of your pants and sliding them down to your ankles, where you make quick work to get rid of them. your panties are on full display, the darkened spot from your arousal a feast for their eyes. his lone finger once again slides against your underwear, the damp circle having the boy licking his dry lips. meddling with your entrance, but never quite entering, you want to beg him too, so badly. thought scrapped when his finger presses through to the wet mess that is your sex.
âyasuhiroâŠâ you whisper, a primal want dressing it as a throaty moan leaving you to shudder in place. the mention of his first name, uttered so airily, sends blood rushing straight to his cock, giving an angry twitch silenced by his pants.
whining when muchoâs finger leaves your arousal, moving up to the hem of your panties, it singlehandedly pulls them down. legs moving to aid him in taking them off, letting the cool air be the first to taste your naked folds, covered in shining slick as it begins to clench around nothing.
âyou want us that much, itâs good to know.â mucho declares, underwear pending on his index finger as he shows it to the rest, too distracted on your bare wetness. he discards it somewhere across the room, the sound of his voice so sensual to your growing impatience. âwe want you so much, too.â
easy to tell by your dampened shoulder, where shion has let out a glob of his drool at the sight of you. fully hard cock pressed against your bare ass, rubbing your plump skin as he swallows all spit from his hunger. you donât care, clenching your jaw at the absence of attention at yourself, your hands still as you know it wouldnât be enough.
âsuch a beautiful pussy, so wet and needy.â is all mucho says before leaving your side, having you want to cling onto him and pull him closer with your wrapped legs. nevertheless, a new pair of hands rest on your thighs, just as big but way softer. tender skin well taken care of, rubbing your flesh near your core.
heâs graceful with his ministrations, long fingers ghosting over your clit. itâs easy to tell who carries himself with such elegance, dainty hands so curious yet sure of what to do. confirmed when his tongue licks its way up your cunt, lapping at your slick folds and sucking the plump flesh.
his tongue penetrates you, curling around to reach every spot it can get. you convulse around him, his insatiable mouth never getting enough of your slit, taking all the juices he can get. you wrap your legs around him, imprisoning him to your pussy. being barely able to register shionâs questioning, so eager to get an answer out of you.
âdo you know whoâs eating you out? can you tell?â you donât say a word, poking your tongue out as you can only let out strangled noises. muttered cries for more, drool falling out of the corners of your lips.
your lack of a response isnât welcomed. the confirmation of whoâs hungrily devouring you coming when his pointy nose flickers your clit. choking your sobs at the tightness on your lower stomach, so willing to come undone as you buck your hips into his face âa feeble try to ride his big nose.
âohâfuck!â you cry out, hearing the braided man slurping on your slick. cunt pulsing, begging for something more to fill it with. hands to the top of his head, ruining his perfectly combed hair with your grip. âran, itâs ran!â
and for a job well done, he leaves your pussy unattended to give your clit a thankful kiss, resounding in the silent room. you hate it when his strength is much more than your own, pulling away from your hold. all the buildup inside you for naught.
shionâs tongue moves fast to wipe out your saliva, cleaning your lips and replacing the shine with his own. offering a chaste kiss to your cheek, at the same time that ran licks his lips with a content sigh.
âtastes so good, could eat her for hours.â he tells the rest. savoring the flavor of you inside his mouth, he gathers what is left around his lips and nose.
without much time to prepare for whatâs next, as everyone in the room has grown eager to have you, your body writhes from the disturbance of a thick, prodding finger inside your cunt. walls squeezing the single digit, unmoving, a victorious grin on the manâs face at the spectacle you offer by thrusting your hips into his finger âfucking yourself with it.
shionâs breezy moans in the background donât help his case in having the voice of the group. recomposing himself from the implacable grinding his dick receives. this time, he stutters, his hold on you turning frail. he doesnât sound so cocky now, restraint crumbling without having any hands to pick it up with.
âaâand do you know whose finger is inâ siâinside you right now?â he finishes with one long inhale, teeth biting his bottom lip.
on the other hand, you fight off the brimming tears in your eyes with your grinding. lengthy finger shoved in fully so that his knuckles are pressed against you, bruised and battered. less kept together but so welcomed by your walls anyway.
âmoâmochi.â you answer almost immediately, hopeful that he would do something to reward you for it. for his finger to pound you relentlessly until you finally cum. the thought alone sends you to clench around him, asking for more.
but mochi turns out to be sadistic, taking out his finger coated in your essence. you donât see how he brings it up to his mouth, taking it fully to lap at your slick with an echoing pop. your breath hitches, shionâs pants now wearing darker stains.
âno first name for me?â he mocks you, teasing grin growing wider. silence greets him, and he does well to beat it by causing the first scream of the long night ahead. shoving three of his fingers inside your cunt, unannounced.
they curl, setting a merciless pace of back and forth to reach as deep as he can. the squelching sounds accompanied by your uncontrollable moans, high pitched and cursing out. the pressure builds once again in your stomach, back arching so his tough fingers can keep touching you in every spot possible.
âah! kanjiâ sorry, so sorry kanji!â you beg for him to forgive you, spewing out apology after apology between the growing tears and trailing drool.
âitâs ok sweetheart, i love you.â he reassures you. so nice to you, your walls thank him by closing in on him. so good for him, leaving him to grunt from how obedient you are being.
âlove you tââ you want to tell him and the rest of them, in all its glory now that all limits have been broken and left behind.
however, rindou seems to have other plans, shoving mochi away not caring about his shouted protests nor your mewling at the emptiness of your pussy once again. orgasm denied for the second time, rindouâs weight bringing you to lie down on top of shion, lips chasing after your own.
they join together in a feverish kiss, viciousness bringing you two to a world of just both. lips tasting one another; tongues playing with each other, in such an aggressive way spit makes it way down your mouths and to your bumping chins. noses hitting as rindou tries to get even closer to you.
shionâs hands are forced out of your eyes, having you witness in the dead of the night, swimming in darkness, the pile of clothes by the bed. the men are all in front, almost naked if it werenât for their underwear. doing little to cover their blazing erections.
âwant you sâbad.â he breaks the kiss, a thin string of saliva connecting the two of you. mumbled so close to your lips, he takes yours in his without hesitation, teeth clashing and tongues entangled.
you wrap your arms around his neck, fingers ghosting over the streaks of black ink swirling through his back. muscles tense, he groans in your mouth and lowers his hips to your core. clothed cock rubbing against your folds, looking for more friction as he moves faster.
beside you, shion undresses, glancing over to rindou picking you up to kneel ahead of him, arms wrapped around your waist. empty thumps are heard from his grinding, and he decides to crawl his way behind you to help him in getting rid of your top.
effortlessly, they succeed in having you be the first to be completely naked. both men ogling your body up and down. your curves, every inch and crevice of your skin a feast for all of them. some palming their cocks through the fabric, others like rindou and shion, marking you with their mouths.
âso divine.â rindou mumbles, his arms and shionâs controlling your squirming from pleasure. hot breath trailing down to your naked boobs, hands drawing shapes on your flesh. âgorgeous body, all for us.â
you want to nod, instead drooling at their two hard cocks caging you between them. shion grabbing your ass cheek, playing with the molding skin by stiffening his grip. you moan their names, the covered contact insufficient.
âwant your cocks, want you inside please.â begging for them, your hands make their way down to grab at their clothed dicks. both men pant, fingers wrapped around their lengths, feeling their hardened girths. âplease fuck me.â
and with that said, both of them take off their underwear to have it join the rest of sprawled out clothes. in the dim lighting, with only the moon and the stars as witnesses, only the sparkling light in your pupils guides you to your instincts. so famished, tongue watering at rindouâs erected cock, intimidating as it stands âstarving for your pussylips.
heâs big and very thick, a single protruding vein running down his length. red, angry tip, leaking precum and leaving it to slide down to pool around the base of his shaft. balls full and large, saliva drowning your mouth.
shion doesnât stay far behind, not as big and way thinner, curving slightly to the right. his veins arenât as marked but there are many, cockhead thick and itching to bury itself inside you. fat drop of precum waiting to fall into the mattress.
with a hand he guides his member to your folds, gathering all the wetness he can get. having you moan against rindouâs mouth, drowning any sound, you pull away to taste shionâs lips as well. spit mixing in with your eager tongues, hearing him swallow.
âcanât wait anymore.â you hear rindou complain, tip prodding at your entrance as he begins to penetrate you. a content sigh leaving your lips, whole length making its way past your tightened walls, cock molding the shape of your cunt to adjust to his size.
bottoming out, cockhead brushing your cervix, you and rindou moan in unison at eachotherâs warmth. walls squeezing him so hard, his own cock buried in your wet pussy âthe pressure so tempting to have you thrust against him.
and you do, bucking your hips onto his twitching cock, balls slapping your skin to create the filthiest of sounds. wet plops from rindouâs pace sending you into a frenzy, meeting his rhythm so that the coiling tension thickens and explodes into your orgasm.
âtaking me in so wellâ fuckââ although you canât register rindouâs praises too well, shionâs rutting against your ass beginning to change into the intrusion of his dick inside your hole. pushing his way in with a single thrust âyour very own slick acting out as lube.
you yell out his name when he hisses yours, spreading your ass open as his cock splits you apart. both holes completely filled, hints of pain slapped off by rindouâs fastening pumps. gripping shion so well, clenching around his girth and feeling every vein slide past your heated flesh.
âtoo much! sâgoodâŠâ you cry out, the first set of tears coming out from your shut eyes. joining the threads of saliva you canât keep in your mouth, mixing in on their way down your face.
the single vein running down rindouâs shaft ravages your walls so roughly. their tempo matching so that you never feel utterly empty, balls shaking with each snap of their hips. ecstasy choking you when rindouâs tip kisses your g-spot, relentlessly going at it so that more tears stain your vision âhazy and blurry.
you can distinguish izanaâs nearing body, hand on his cock while he gives it a few pumps. he leans closer to your face, same fingers coated in his cum wiping your closed eyes. painting your face, you hum, growing hot as you convulse around both of the menâs cocks. answering you by pulsing through your clenching walls.
âthese are the tears i love to see.â giving his finger a kitten lick, saltiness of your pleasure melting in his tongue, izana takes your limp hand and brings it up to his dick. âwant to shower your face with my cum. youâd like that, wouldnât you?â
you nod, hand taking his cock and stroking it with deep movements. barely keeping it together with the sloppy pace both cocks inside you are falling into, forcing you to sometimes squeeze his length, drawing out throaty moans from the dark skinned man.
your cool fingers gliding past his searing meat make of him a fervent mess, hips bucking to fuck himself with your hand. head on rindouâs shoulder, you stare at his own tilted back, adamâs apple bobbing as your name is the only thing his lips can say.
âcutie your ass is so tight.â shion drags his cock out with difficulty, hole so adamant in keeping him in. only his tip rests inside, forcing your ass to remember his shape. âgonna fill it up, alright?â
he doesnât leave room for answers, burying himself deep inside until your vision turns blind. rindouâs cock mimicking his actions, growing at the thought of your cunt taking all of his cum.
âgonna cumââ you spit out, rindouâs shoulder welcoming your saliva and tears, joining his thin layer of sweat. âcumming, iâm cumming!â
âme too.â it escapes past his kissing teeth, the tremors of your body having him give one last powerful thrust before stilling inside of you. rolling his eyes, his risen shoulders relax once his orgasm crashes upon him. âkeep it inside for me, will you?â
you do, for both of them emptying themselves inside of you. hot strings of sticky cum crawling into your holes, painting your walls white and having them spasm and contract as you let your own orgasm wash rindouâs length. he doesnât let it run out, fucking the union of your juices back into you, not a single drop wasted. feeling so full, heaving out praises to both blushing boys.
âour good girl.â shion pats your head, soft kiss on your back and hands fondling your tits. you regain your breath still by rindouâs shoulder, knowing itâs not over yet with the way izanaâs cockhead nears your face.
the two boysâ cocks leave your holes the moment izanaâs twitches. releasing his load on your face, reaching your lashes, forehead and cheeks. streaks of cum painting your skin in a dense white, giving the last touch to your fucked out expression.
âgod i love you so much.â admiring his work, and the way your cunt and asshole fight desperately to keep shion and rindouâs seeds. his smile broadens at the thought that this is just getting started.
indeed, mochiâs next in taking you into his arms, so small compared to his size. you donât have time to regain your breath, composure crushed by the brutality of the s-62, quivering at mochiâs frosting hands.
âso sensitive already, sweetheart.â and so easy to handle, too. moving you as he pleases, lying down on the bed and having you on his chest, right above his underwear and bulging cock.
the big stain of precum is evident on the light grey fabric. an enormous bump waiting to be freed of its confined space. dark, trimmed hairs leading the way to his aching dick. your hands on his abs, stroking his built chest and floating up to his pecs.
his hands cup your ass, thumbs kneading the plush skin and hovering over your widened hole. you feel his dick jump up, taming him with a rock of your body pushed by your legs. he groans, guttural desire drying out his throat, starving for your glistening folds.
âcan take it.â you promise him, small whisper loud in the quietude of your room. where the men touch themselves to the landscape of the shade of your figure plastered on the bright nightlife ahead of your windows.
he chuckles, vibrating chest so good for your throbbing pussy, waking up his cock even more. a hand trails up to your face, big thumb pinning your bottom lip. his tongue wetting his lips.
âcourse you will.â he says it like itâs obvious, dragging down the swollen lip until your bottom teeth can be seen. fingers full of your saliva, drying patches from the previous crying making you look so filthy. exactly how he likes it. âwant these lips around my big cock, gonna give you a full meal.â
grabbing onto your hips, he turns you around with one swift twirl. pulling your ass closer to him, legs on each side of his face lifting your lower body, back arching as you are laid down in front of his underwear. clenching around nothing at the compromising position, mochiâs first to dig in to your cunt âtongue flickering your clit so erratically, you purr.
alas, you now have to fully undress him, taking the rim of his clothes and sliding them to the middle of his crushing thighs. he wriggles his legs, aiding you in taking them off completely, widely grinning against your pussy when you gasp at the full size of his erection.
standing furiously near his chest, where your chin hovers above his pubes. the size is enormous, so thick and dressed in many veins that draw intricate curves on his meat, making him even wider. mushroom tip prominent, broad slit already seeping out so much precum. fat plumps of a dirtied white gliding down his whole length, pooling around his base where even bigger, heavy balls rest. your mouth waters at just how much cum he will give you, hurrying up when the tip of his nose lightly teases your entrance.
your hand takes his shaft, whimpering when you see the struggle your fingers have wrapping around it. you pump it onceâ twice, mochiâs groaning so good for your cunt, going down on his nose so that the tip enters you. when your lips near his head to give it open mouth kisses, wet plops taking bits of his salty cum, your hand holds his balls, playing with them as they barely fit inside.
you take his tip in your mouth, warmth enveloping his cock as you try to move down on him. only taking almost half of his length, breathing through your nose and hollowing out your cheeks, easing your throat as his hips buckle onto your face. his moaning going straight to your pussy, where he begins to grow desperate slurping on your juices. noises nasty, making you moan and tighten your throat on his cock. tongue darting to lick every crevice, drooling so much it accumulates at the base.
both continue the rhythm of your grinding bodies, building your climaxes and chasing after them. hunger making you frantic, savoring every bit of essence as if it were your last meals.
âlooks so pretty.â you listen to muchoâs voice on your back, his hand on one of your cheeks. âbut i think you can take more.â
he declares it so impassively, keeping his cool as always, that you donât see his hand raised and profoundly slapping your ass. it jiggles, closing in on mochiâs pointed tongue licking slow stripes. you scream, muted against the wet heat in your mouth. another hand joins mucho, this time being ranâs long finger entering your ass, so sensitive from shionâs stretching not long ago.
both of their fingers buried knuckles deep, a third hand slaps you once again as they begin to stimulate your hole. their ministrations along with mochiâs starved devouring pushing you to take more of the latterâs dick, gagging through parted lips as you take him fully âchoking on his tip at the very back of your throat.
nose pressed against his bouncing balls, fucking your face as you do the same to his nose and tongue. your chin scratched by the bush near his shaft, you cry out feeble attempts of his name as more spit leaves your lips, fat tears joining.
âthere we go pretty!â seems the third hand belongs to izana, cheering you through the orgasm that pours down onto mochiâs face. giving one more hard slap that sends your skin tingling, trapping mucho and ranâs fingers on your ass, finally letting loose.
you come undone, flooding mochiâs face with your cum and crushing his face with your thighs. he doesnât seem to care, lapping at your cum without shame, drinking it until nothing is left out, before joining you and snapping his hips to release his load.
itâs dense, so much cum leaving his cock you can barely swallow it all. hot spurts abusing your throat, leaving thick trails out the corners of your lips that youâll take care of later. it keeps fluttering, but never once you leave it unattended, making sure all of his semen is sucked dry. breathing in when you let it go, tip of your tongue gathering what little is around your lips.
you swallow it down loudly, the echoing plop from your mouth leaving his cock free so gratifying for his ears. he gives your cunt a mellow kiss, tenderness fighting off his roughness.
âgood girl.â he coos, readjusting you as he pleases so that you now lie in his direction, ass against his still hard cock. he holds your chin and turns your head around to his, deeply kissing you, passing down the rest of your orgasm so you can taste the sweetness he did. âwe love you so much, you are perfect for us.â
and you smile, fond and big it has their hearts pounding in their chests. you kiss the tip of his nose, giddy from their worship.
however, mochi moves up so that his head rests on your pillow. hands tracing patterns on your skin, watching your stomach rise from the harsh breaths you are taking.
âgot one more in me.â he mutters close to your ear, feet parting your legs open, showing the rest your abused holes. âwill you be a sweetheart and take it?â
how can you deny him when he asks so politely? previous fingering helping you for what will happen now, cock rubbing through your ass cheeks, willing to take his big dick to split you apart. pushing in, slowly making his way through unlike shionâs desperate entrance.
you wriggle in his hold, mochi shushing you by whispering sweet nothings into your ear. wailing at the size you have to adjust to, a little easier thanks to shion. your cum stained face is full of fresh tears and brand new globs of spit. tongue lolling out of your parted lips when he bottoms out.
buried deep inside your ass, filling you to the brim with each thick vein hitting you just right. your squinted eyes widen tremendously at mochiâs calling, gripping him so tightly at the idea of being torn apart by the two biggest.
âmucho, wanna join in? she wants it.â and he doesnât hesitate to crawl up to where you are, underwear long gone. his cock isnât much different from mochiâs, less thicker but way longer, looking so delicious against his chiseled chest.
he takes your legs, having them bend down near your shoulders, leaving so much room to hit even deeper. entranced by your wet cunt, glossy and begging for his cock to break it. and who is he to say no to his woman?
in one swift plunge, he finds himself buried to the hilt. balls swinging as the sound of smacking flesh from his ruthless penetration elicits the most pornographic moan he has ever heard from you. massaging his cock just the way he likes it, sponging walls enclosing the space and making him feel impossibly closer.
âso fucking tightâ god, fuck!â he growls, pushing you to mochiâs chest, boobs pressed against muchoâs big âworked outâ pecs. sandwiched between both men, ruining your insides just by staying still, you sob for them to ruin you âto move faster.
âsâbig⊠âs too bigââ your incoherent mumbles become higher in tone, allowing them to rock your body as they please. trying to meet their hips as they pound you dumb, reckless rocking making you cry out in ecstasy. âlovâ love you sâmuch. luv your cocks sâmuch.â
your babbling pushes them to thrust harder. having you whine when mucho stops and his hand lightly slaps your cum covered cheek, calling for your attention. you look up at him, teary eyes sending heat straight to his cock, throbbing against your cunt.
âyou see that?â he points down at your belly, a small bulge making it stick out. you take your hand to trace its shape, a silent chuckle gifting hints of happiness to your fucked out face. âthatâs my cock, babygirl.â
and you love it, he knows you do. picking up his pace to meet mochiâs, so engrossed in your ass. he doesnât want this moment to end.
you donât notice how both of your hands are taken by shion and rindou, hard once again. but they know you donât care when each hand takes their cocks, already familiar to you, beginning to masturbate them. their moaning helping your orgasm build up, this time stronger, with mucho ruthlessly pounding against your g-spot.
your head turns to the side, coming face to face with ranâs dick. he slaps you with it, playing with your hanging tongue by wetting it with your saliva. you stare up at his innocent grin, him looking down with dilated pupils.
âthereâs still a hole unoccupied.â he simply mentions, cock twitching when your hand pulls the foreskin back to expose his angry head. so pale and long you donât know what youâll do to make it fit. curving up, he applies his precum to your lips like gloss, pushing in with his hips until heâs balls deep into your mouth.
body used by all of them, including izana whose hands are on your swollen clit, it doesnât take long for your legs to begin their uncontrollable tremble. this timeâs different, your moans turning into shrill shouting as a stream of tears run down your eyes, closed in bliss as you begin to see stars.
your third orgasm hits you harder than any other, right after mochi cums for the second time filling you up to the brim with his huge loads. you begin squirting all over muchoâs cock, squelching sounds getting wetter as more and more cum leaves out of you in hot spurts. he takes it out, watching as you make a mess of mochiâs legs, the mattress and his abs.
âshit!â you moan out, cum gliding down muchoâs cock that has entered you again. though your words are muffled by ranâs dick around your lips, you continue squirting out all your juices, milking out muchoâs cock in the process.
he has so much cum too, cunt stuffed full of his own after your mind blowing orgasm. balls drenched as well, but his smile tells you enough, and you donât feel ashamed of it âeven better, only proud.
pulling away, despite mochiâs cock still buried into your ass, he leaves your chest free for shion and rindou, who donât take too long in covering your tits and stomach with their loads. satisfied groans out of their lips as they admire their work, thick globs of white on your sweaty skin.
ranâs the last to empty out his cum, doing it inside your mouth much like mochi. you take it all without hesitation, opening wide for him to see you gulping down his seed. uttering a sigh when youâve eaten it fully, kissing the tip of his cock for a job well done.
ânasty little whore.â you have no idea who says it, the loss of mochiâs dick as he comes out of you taking over your mind. oozing cum follows, filthy trickles running down into your cunt, where you do a good job in retaining what they have given you. âour perfect slut, shouldâve done this sooner.â
you agree, spent after three rough orgasms. alas, you see two men staying on the bed âtwo men that havenât been inside of you yet. but you are so sore you donât know if you can take them. such big cocks just like the rest of them.
âwe want to taste you, too.â itâs ranâs voice, the one he uses when he wants something. turning innocent, words so tender they heal your tiredness with dulcet touches. you hate when he does that, falling for it every time. âyouâll let us, right? weâll be gentle, i promise.â
your moans are so loud with each touch, both izana and ran standing you up on your knees, between both of their bodies. you teeter, head tumbling towards the man you have in front, which turns out to be the older haitani. shoulder so comfortable, you nuzzle closer to the side of his neck, kissing it.
your pussy takes him right up, so tight despite being so used throughout the night. heâs washed in the remains of your orgasm, easy for him to move, but he doesnât. you wonder why, whining against his neck and jumping on his cock, legs quivering so hard you know it wonât take you much to cum again.
instead, a second cock makes its way up your cunt, having you scream out for your fourth orgasm at the close fit of both dicks inside your pussy. they rub one another, not appearing to care too much as both of their eyes are closed, jaws clenched. you squeeze them, adjusting to their size and ignoring the pain for the cum sliding down past them.
youâre crying, tears licked by izanaâs tongue as he rejoices in them. no longer are you sobbing from fear, but so destroyed by each and every one of them you have nothing left of you but scorching pleasure.
âalready?â he purrs, dragging his cock out just to thrust once more. skin gliding past ranâs veiny shaft, making him move as well, desperate for his release. âbut youâll let us cum, wonât you? after weâve been so good to youâŠâ
he trails off, falling into rhythm with ran, abusing your cunt for a little while longer. convulsing against them, forcing them closer, tightening your walls so that you can get out another orgasm for them. to show how grateful you are.
âweâve been so helpful, havenât we?â he slaps your clit, ranâs lips latching onto your nipples, sucking them clean. chest pressed on his own, sticky cum joining your bodies.
âyes! want you to cum in me.â you cry out, hips meeting their thrusts, bouncing on both of their cocks, balls slapping your pussy. âwant you to stuff me!â
tongue poking out, ran moves up to take it between his lips, playing with it in his mouth. pulling his lips to yours in a messy kiss, so full of exchanged spit and trailing drool to your chins. you love it, you love them, and you show them by squeezing them so tightly they have no choice but to fill you up with their cum.
âwell, pretty girl, take it.â izana grunts, and with one big roll of his hips, he empties himself inside of you. ran follows suit, whimpers and moans drowned out by eachotherâs mouths.
you join them with your last orgasm of the night, leaving you barely conscious on the bed, drenching their cocks with one last wave of cum. you stay there, sprawled out on the bed for all to see, face full of dried out tears, so many different salivas around your swollen lips and remnants of izanaâs cum. your body follows suit, drenched in sweat and thick lines of cum following down to the small little bulge on your stomach.
itâs muchoâs hand that presses that tiny bump, all watching as all the cum youâve tried so desperately to keep inside oozes out of your beaten cunt, huge loads wetting the bed below you. your ass much of the same. you groan, whimpering at his touch, hips bucking unconsciously.
and with two fingers, mucho again shoves some of their seeds back inside, to leave you full. you close your legs, stretching your sore muscles from all the rough handling tonight. the moonâs still up, and its glow is casted above you, giving your enamored smile and angelic touch.
they all lie around you, circling you. shion and mochi on your thighs, rindou and mucho by your chest, and ran and izana near your head. soothing your muscles, kissing every spot they can.
âthank you.â itâs honest, despite the pain it brought, you enjoyed it more than anyone you are sure. in the darkest corner of your heart, itâs what youâve always wanted, and you got it.
izana doesnât want to ask if thereâs any other thought inside your head that isnât what just happened. after all, theyâve fucked you dumb. you have a hard time opening your eyes, breaths still long and shallow with huffing here and there.
heâs relieved, your suffering fully gone, consumed by their yearning. leaning down, his lips peck yours, back of his fingers brushing the side of your face.
âweâve loved you like this for such a long time.â ran confesses, so vulnerable post-sex you love it. always having it hard to open his heart to what heâs feeling, trying to shove it in with insecure cockiness. you are glad itâs him who declares it.
your finger boops his nose, the two of you sharing childish laughter.
âme too.â you whisper, wanting to pat the otherâs heads. to show them that you consider them, always. âbut itâs all good, now iâm yours.â
and it felt so good to hear, meaning twisted to turn more romantic. more heartfelt, something they arenât used to, but youâll give it to them every time they need it.
âand all of us belong to you, but thatâs nothing new.â you chuckle at shionâs words, legs numb and body resting. the bed becomes more plush to your body, hugging you and lulling for you to sleep. you try so hard to fight it, never wanting the moon to leave. for this to become a memory.
âi wish for this night to never end. to stay like this forever.â you dream, a foolish one. the moon will always leave and the sun will replace it, and this would only have belonged to the night before doomsday comes.
âcâmon, letâs give you a warm bath.â mochi says before you doze off into a deep slumber. missing their soft cleaning and the close attention to your body. praising it, worshipping all it has done for their enjoyment. they thank you in warm kisses and dark hickeys, thinking to themselves that after tonight, the result of tomorrow cannot escape their grasps.
they must win, for the woman so full of love for them. so that they can live their lives as one, together forever. and perhaps, all of you should have dreamed harder, because the memory of tonight would be the last between you all.
izana and mucho taken away by deathâs greedy hands. you, having fallen so deep into a sea of darkness, you had to escape before it all consumed you. the only ones to hold this night close to their hearts, having their friends engraved in hanafuda and your love in their chests, where your initials rest.
everyone of you looking up at the moon every night, begging for her to take you back to that night âthe night before doomsday comes.
â end â
good or bad iâm throwing it out there that english isnât my first language. thank you for reading <3 our troops are so brave, getting through this whole thing and ending up with brain trauma (probably) anyway, reblogs are appreciated :) itâs like a pat on my back (yipee)
hi there! i saw you commenting on my fic and the comment itself was so sweet & pure i just wanted to reach out and say thank you very much for your kind words <3 they really do mean a lot!
on another note... i read "my ordinary life" and i am so excited to read the rest of the story. the writing was extremely good. the idea is super cool and i really really wanna see how it's gonna unfold. you got me hooked!
omg :â) bae sorry for the late reply hee i did not see this at all âŠ
hmmm genuinely itâs what you deserve! all of what youâve written is done so well iâm being so fr when i say that iâve never read such perfect ran haitani content ever (+ rindou too đ«¶) literally feels like a gold mine HAHH
thank you for taking the time to read my work sriosly â„ i am so happy that it was worth the time and you enjoyed it đ«
tw: set in early 00s-10s, flawed characters, unreliable narrator, mentions of drug use, mentions of assault (nothing graphic) | i literally hate tagging so much because i feel like i missed something; anyways, if you think i really did tell me and i will include it.
wc: 18.516
author's note: i actually didn't want to post 'kny' on here and wanted my tumblr to be strictly for one-shots and drubbles, but now i haven't posted in so long & i desperately want to, so here we go.
~
part 1.Â
The new place promised a new life with new memories and new friends and new basically everything. It was too much. It was suffocating to the point where your breathing wouldnât even out and every next breath seemed not enough. You tried to calm yourself with your favourite cup of coffee and your read half through [page one hundred and thirty five] book.Â
You brought a lot of books with you from your home. Them, all along with your other stuff still neatly packed in boxes had a faint smell of flowers. So mawkish it made you nauseous and despite heavy rain outside you wide opened every single window in your apartment. You wondered how you never noticed this (almost, not yet) stench back at home.Â
At home everything smelled like this, because your father had a flower shop and your mom loved her enormous garden more than anything else. She spent hours outside. He was at work all day. You and your older sister were at home alone.Â
You loved your family even though sometimes you wondered what was lacking. What was it that your heart was longing for. In all your years there you never found an answer to such an obvious question.
Now, standing before a window wall, overlooking one of the many side streets of Roppongi in your late grandmaâs apartment, you thought how amusing it was that when you escaped your native Obihiro you missed it so dearly. Do psychologists have a name for this feeling? As if knowing a name for something would provide you with shelter. Â
A small rather inaudible sigh left your lips. You opened a balcony door smelling wet air. It will rain soon. Hopefully for hours and well into the night. But for now you will drink your homemade iced coffee and read your almost finished book.Â
Because you are eighteen and itâs the end of March of 2006 and you will start lawyer school in less than two weeks and everything is so new and bright and sad at the same time.Â
Being young is really truly overwhelming.
part 2.Â
In the next two months you try to make new friends so you donât feel that lonely.Â
You go out with them a lot. To the cinema, to karaoke, to bowling, to their small apartments and huge mansions. Name it and youâll be there. Just to feel a bit less lonely. Surrounded by people, with drink in your neatly manicured hands, you are almost a part of that raving crowd.Â
Almost.Â
Itâs never enough and returning back to your own place that finally started indeed looking like your own place in the early morning when sky is pink and cold blue and your legs are so heavy you can barely stand is relieving. To the point you promise yourself itâs your last time going out. You would believe yourself, but then again you said the same thing last week and two weeks before that too.Â
When friends don't magically appear after all these months you stop. You start attending all your classes, you read manga and books on your balcony, do homework and extra work to earn more credits. You cook and the smell of homemade food circulates the three storey building. Your neighbors must be mad at you because you usually play chef late at night. They either hate you or love you, you think. No complaints come though so you continue steering pots at three in the night.Â
Your mom calls you twice every week. Your dad almost every day. Your sister never. She sends you messages instead. They are stupid and small.Â
i am fine  (x_x)                   (emojis sheâs using never correlating with the text)Â
itâs empty without you at home Â
(/âżïŒŒ )Â
found your stupid manga today & read it & why is this shit so sad. u r so depressing. Â
i am fine Â
[ ± _ ± ]Â
donât worry i wonât threw it out Â
momâs roses are withering sheâs mad Â
i am fineÂ
Itâs never anything important so you reply the same nonsense back or sometimes nothing at all. You have a funny feeling you are missing out on something. You donât catch what it is.Â
You'll never do.Â
part 3.Â
Life in Tokyo is not easy, but itâs not that difficult either. You fall into a perfectly constructed routine quite quick, without any problem .Â
You wake up. You make yourself your favourite iced coffee, throwing a little bit too much ice, and with a satisfaction you watch how ice melts, cracking under the warm hug of espresso. You drink your coffee on the balcony and then you go to university where you spend most of your day.Â
In the evening you return home. You eat. You read or draw and then you go to bed.Â
Somewhere in the middle of all these you find a friend. A true friend. She doesnât go to parties and prefers to spend her free time in a coffee shop, walking around the park or reading a book. It sounds somewhat boring at first, but sheâs a truly good person (and you haven't met a lot of those lately), so you succumb.Â
Sheâs a Tokyo native which is insanely good, because she shows you a part of the city that was hidden from you all this time. Together you go to have the best ramen and yakitori and imagawayaki. You visit art galleries because you both are into the art and you both are lawyers to be, but youâd rather be an artist. You go to libraries and bookshops. You draw in the park together and at your apartment since she lives with parents and itâs more convenient to hang out at your place.Â
Your new best friend is the one to warn you about gangs and all the criminal activity that is lurking in Tokyoâs darkest parts. It sounds more like a distant far away world that wonât ever touch you. You donât feel frightened. After all you left it all at Obihiro with your sister and her stupid ex boyfriend who too was a part of the local gang.Â
Didnât you?
The calm voice of your friend continues naming all the gangs and then she fills you in on what they do and what territories they control and how exactly they do it. Itâs crazy to think she knows that much about it. Especially for a future lawyer. Â
You tell her just that.Â
She smiles and says that her eldest brother is in the gang hence she knows so much. His gang is cool though. They donât beat women or children. They challenge other gangs and they do try to be fair to everyone and everything. They are good guys.Â
The way she talks about them you might think they are Robin hoods of Tokyo.Â
You know for a fact itâs (probably, you have your doubts) not true.Â
part 4.Â
It is early in the morning when you wake up one day in July. Itâs scorching hot and gladly you have no school today so you spend half of the morning in bed staring at white ceiling. Thinking about nothing. Itâs an easy morning and you appreciate the calm - though very very hot - air that surrounds you.Â
Laying around in bed proves nothing. Itâs boring and soon your thoughts get too complicated. Too difficult. And if anything you donât want today to be difficult.
Itâs gotta be a nice day. Â
That much is decided, when you slowly rise from the bed, fall on it again, lay there for two minutes listening to the clock doing its little, but loud tik-tak-tik-tak dance. Eventually you get up and stretching midway march into the bathroom.Â
Bathroom is like a cold oasis in the desert. Your feet touching cool marble tiles, you cross a small room aiming towards a rather spacious but square form bathtub. Why and how your late grandma chose this ridiculous design is now history. You regret you never asked.Â
After taking a long bath, you throw a towel around yourself and go to the kitchen. To make yourself a cup of iced coffee, of course. You donât do breakfasts and now itâs well past the time people eat their gohan, natto and whatever else they have for their first meal of the day. Youâll cook something a little bit later. Or call your friend and go out to that now favourite place to have sushi.Â
Summer breeze is gentle on your naked shoulders when you sit down on the balcony. The view is not much. Just another grey living building with luxury cars in the parking lot. Roppongi is surely different from your native Obihiro. Well, itâs even different from Tokyo itself. The contrast is subtle and you canât tell what it is exactly, but itâs there. Present as ever.Â
You love Roppongi. Â
The quiet alone time ends suddenly. You hear something tearing and then a caustic smell of vinegar welcomes itself in the air. You groan. Loudly. Trying to guess what it is you stand up from your bamboo chair and look around as if it could reveal the sudden intruder.
The unexpected intruder reveals himself.Â
âOi! Itâs chips.â The voice comes from your left and you look that way seeing nothing, but a plastic beige partition. You never noticed it being there before.Â
âHow didâŠâ You start, tilting your head so you could see the owner of the voice - he sounds young and you are quite curious because for all the months you live here you never knew you had someone your age living in your building. To be frank, you only met the old lady upstairs, but thatâs because she was your late grandmaâs friend and introduced herself first when you just moved in.Â
âYou make a lot of noise.â He stops, mulling something over and you can almost hear thoughts being born in his head. Instead, he snickers and says nothing.Â
The barrier between your balconyâs space and his is nonexistent. The only thing dividing you two is that plastic beige partition which you easily look over from, steadying yourself on steel railings with one hand (the other one is holding the towel wrapped around your body) and furiously peer at your neighbour. Â
You totally never saw him before because you have a feeling that you would have noticed and remembered him. He is quite a character.
Blond hair with almost neon blue highlights is what you see first. Then his glasses that cover his peculiar coloured eyes. From the distance you canât quite tell what colour they are, but itâs not brown, hazel or blue. Itâs some other colour or maybe itâs the mix of all of them. They catch your attention the most. Until, your gaze travels south, to his chest full of tattoos. He is not wearing any t-shirt; fair enough itâs too hot and he is home.Â
Being too busy observing him you donât notice him squinting his eyes and giving you almost the same identical look. The difference was though that he has seen you before. A lot of times actually. Now, he was just getting a better look.Â
âSalt and vinegar? Really?âÂ
âWanna some?â He offers you to which you wrinkle your nose and he snorts at you.Â
Itâs more of a laugh than anything else so you donât even register it. You donât reply and get back to your chair in the safety of your own balcony. The whole situation seems ridiculous but the more you think about it - sitting some metres away from him hearing him eating his chips - the more it feels like it was supposed to be like this.Â
Itâs your first time feeling something like this.Â
Itâs deviating.Â
part 5.Â
After this encounter you see him everywhere.Â
On the flight of stairs. At the convenience store next to your house. In the parking lot under your building. You even bump into him on Keyakizaka street and once catch a glimpse of him at Roppongi Station.Â
Itâs not unusual. You are neighbours. It should feel normal, but it doesnât. Itâs almost like he follows you around prying into your daily life. You know itâs not true because he doesnât have a reason for it. Well, he doesnât even know your name. Maybe itâs just fate that wants you two together.Â
Most of all, you meet on your joined balcony. Heâs quietly eating his salt & vinegar chips while you read or paint. Sometimes he listens to his music. He does it wearing huge white Audio-Technica headphones. He blasts music at full volume and after some time you memorise his playlist. You must admit it. Heâs got a nice taste in music.Â
You say it to him once and when he replies you can hear an easy smile intertwining with his words. âNo shit. I wanna be a DJ. I do have a full DJ setup, itâs just that I rarely use it nowadays.âÂ
âWhy?âÂ
Itâs a simple logical question, but he doesnât answer right away. Silence settles between you two and soon the only sound you can hear is that old lady on the floor above speaking to her husband. She asks him what he wants for dinner. It somehow reminds you of your home in Obihiro and swarms of cicadas rise in front of your eyes. Their Ńhirping fills your ears. The sound of home and summer.Â
The 2B pencil in your hand moves on its own while you wait for him to say something. Itâs only after you sketch your yard full of cicadas on the pavement he finally speaks.Â
âJust being busy with work and Ran doesnât like it when itâs too loud and my music is too loud for himâ.Â
âRan?âÂ
He waits again before responding. This time itâs shorter. You donât manage to draw anything. âMy older brother.âÂ
âHe has a pretty name and I agree with him. Your music's too loud. I can hear it through your headphones all the time.âÂ
âIt suits him. His name.â He ignores you siding with his brother and doesnât give you the satisfaction of being teased by you. âMine though doesnât suit me. Do I look like a Rindou to you?âÂ
You laugh. He laughs too in a i told you so way.
He doesnât see you drawing gentian and orchid in the left corner of your sketch.Â
You also think his name suits him well.Â
part 6.Â
When Rindou meets you outside he always acknowledges you in one way or another.Â
It depends if he is alone or has company.Â
If he is alone heâd chat you up, asking you meaningless questions about your day. If he is with someone heâd just nod at you.Â
You donât dwell on the subject. You donât think he might be embarrassed of knowing you or some stupid shit like this. It doesnât hurt your pride because you donât know him that well after all. Besides your occasional balcony conversation you have nothing. You are barely even friends.Â
He doesnât know your name. He never asked. At this point you are almost strangers.Â
part 7.
Your life carries on.Â
You attend classes, go out with your best friend, read books, draw and chat with Rindou.
Over time you two become more accustomed to each other. Conversations turn effortless. Personal information shifts to shared. Neither of you mind it. Oversharing and spilling secrets doesnât exist in your comfortable bubble in the middle of Roppongi.Â
Rindou is cosy.Â
No matter how close you two grow to each other, you (not him too, but you donât know it) tell your friends about your little friendship. A grim feeling of inevitable stops you every time you try to tell your best friend about him, his blue locks and round glasses. If you tell her something bad will happen. What you canât tell. This ominous prediction follows you around. Never leaving. You keep your mouth shut. If anything, you donât want to ruin your nook.Â
He, on the other hand, doesnât tell anyone because they wonât understand his desire to feel like a normal person for once in his life. He never mentions to you that he is in a gang. What he is doing with his brother and friends at night. He never shows you just how violent he can get and this side of him is hidden from you. Rindou likes it this way. This way you are friends with him because he likes vinegar & salt chips, wants to be a DJ and goes to gym every once in a while.Â
You are not afraid of him and you do not pretend.Â
He wants to keep it that way.Â
So he, just like you, keeps you away from his world.Â
By the end of the summer he learns your name.Â
part 8.
Despite all your accidental meetings youâve never bumped into Rindou when he was with his older brother.
Despite that, you feel like you know him already.Â
Rindou talks a lot about Ran. As it supposed to be, you assume.Â
You donât talk about your older sister that much though.Â
You wonder if Rindou wonders why.Â
However it may be, he never asks you about that. Â
âRan is a pain in the ass.â Says Rindou looking at the small screen of his Nokia 6230. He shoves white phone - every piece of technology he owns appears to be white and you want to ask if it is consciously done - in the pocket of his wide black sweatpants. âHe is staying out todayâ.Â
The intonation and tone he chooses are suggestive to where his brother might be staying and what he plans on doing. You laugh and donât press too much. Itâs not your business and you are not interested in how Ran spends his leisure time.Â
âAt least he couldâve told me earlier. Kakucho invited me to go to Atami, but he is already on his way and I donât wanna go on my own all the way there. Itâs whatâŠÂ like two hours? Three?âÂ
He says all that in front of the convenience store where you both met some minutes ago. Itâs well after six in the afternoon and street lamps are barely emitting any power yet. Soon the streets would be draped in these nostalgic azure lights and the whole Roppongi would come alive while other parts of Tokyo would slowly fall to sleep.Â
There are no people outside and no cars pass by you two. Your small nook is silent. Even the ventilators of refrigerators at convenience store stopped producing noise. The next thing you know itâs raining. A little drizzle. You sigh. âWanna come over? Iâll cook.âÂ
âReal homemade food?âÂ
âYeah. What a stupid question.âÂ
He smiles a bit, thinking to himself that, well, maybe missing out on hot springs in Atami wouldnât be so bad. He knows for a fact nor Ran nor Kakucho would eat anything smelling so delicious like your food. For a bunch of delinquents without family a plate of soup made specifically for them is a huge deal.Â
Of course, he doesnât say any of these. He shrugs, his shoulders going up and down, and takes a huge paper bag with groceries out of your arms.Â
Together you walk towards your apartment building.Â
part 9.Â
You didnât make soup that evening.Â
In the role of the guest Rindou took it upon himself to decide what you both should have for dinner. As you guessed before he wasnât a shy type so feel yourself at home words died on the tip of your tongue the second he took his adidas sneakers off and went ahead of you to the kitchen.
Strangely enough he went in the right direction. Maybe the layout of your apartments were the same. You were neighbours after all. Â
When you showed up in the kitchen, dressed in your for home shorts and your dadâs old t-shirt, he already stuck up everything you bought earlier in their places and was now patiently waiting for you, playing snake on his phone.
âI think you can make us soba with vegetables. And some chicken too, but I like it without skinâ. He said, not raising his head in your direction. He appeared strangely familiar in your kitchen. As if he was there every day.Â
You nodded, not sure if he was paying any attention to you at all. âI have chicken breasts. Do you prefer enoki or shiitake?â
âPut both. I like both.âÂ
Cooking is not a quick business. Rindo grew bored of watching you doing the same thing with different products and took it upon himself to tour your apartment alone. You didnât mind. You had nothing to hide. Your paintings, mangas and books were all there was. Doubtful it would be of any interest to him you didnât worry.Â
To Rindou it was different. He felt like he was intruding your personal life. Probing himself to become a part of it. If not that accidental meeting and Ranâs spontaneous decision to stay god knows where he wouldnât be here at all. Looking at your canvases with unfinished paintings woke inside of him a dreadful feeling of unbearable closeness to you.Â
In all his life he never befriended anyone. All people came and went out as they pleased. Nobody stayed for long. He didnât give them a reason either and not a single person asked for it.Â
Nobody made an effort to stay. Â
Looking at your pencil sketch of the valley full of gentians he already knew he wouldnât forgive himself if you went away too.Â
part 10.Â
âI was in a juvie with Ranâ. The confession comes out of him suddenly. He looks you in the face trying to decipher your reaction. Thereâs none that he could pinpoint. âWe got out recently.â He adds as an attempt to fill the silence that lingers around the corner.Â
You put chopsticks aside and pressing your lips into thin line attempt to guess the motive behind his words.Â
Why did he say this now?Â
What is the reason?Â
Why did he decide to open up now that you having a quiet dinner at your apartment?
You find all the answers in his eyes. They are like amethyst. Blue and pink mixed together in a beautiful peculiar shade that suits Rindou just a little too much. They are intent and pleading. He has decided something for himself while you were busy cooking and what it is he doesnât let you know yet, but you sure it has something to do with your hasty friendship.Â
âWhy?âÂ
âWe beat up the leader of the gang and his vice to take over Roppongi. The vice didnât make it out alive. Ran might have gone overboard a bit.âÂ
âSo it was an accident?â Your words are not of justification, but about stating the truth.Â
âPretty much, but I donât regret him dying.â He waits a moment and then adds. âIf I knew the outcome before I wouldâve done the same thingâ.Â
The silence that settles between you two is heavy, but not uncomfortable. It changes the inevitable course of your relationship and you both let it do it. Whatever said is said. There is no turning back.Â
You avert your gaze to the steaming food in front of you and take a deep breath before saying what you want to say. Rindou gets ahead of you interrupting what yet to be said. âDo you think differently of me now that you know it?âÂ
âNo.â Your response is immediate. No delays. No hesitation. âStill the same Rindou as before. Some of us have to do fucked up things to survive.âÂ
âDid you kill someone?âÂ
Your laugh fills the room and cracks in his heart that were there because of worry. He is ridiculous, he knows it.Â
But itâs easy to be ridiculous with you.Â
part 11.Â
In the month to come you learn more about Rindou Haitani.Â
He and his brother are in the gang, but they are by themselves. They rule over Roppongi alone and every single person there is theirs. [This is said in a proud voice and when you ask if you are theirs too since you too now live in Roppongi Rindou goes red. Itâs cute.] Their parents are not with them. If they are dead or alive, if they were forced to leave them or abandoned them out of their free will, Rindou doesnât elaborate. The wound might be still too fresh or maybe it would never heal at all.Â
After every bit of information he asks you if you are still seeing him the same way. You always say yes.Â
You open up to him too. You tell him more about Obihiro. Your parents that are married and that thereâs no love in that marriage anymore. That you believe your dad has a mistress and that your mother knows and that this is a reason she is so attached to her garden full of roses. She tends to flowers and loves them in a way she canât care and love her husband.Â
One evening when Rindou stops by your apartment and sits on the bar stool watching you cook chicken katsu you tell him about your sister. How she got involved with a guy who was in a local gang and that your parents blame him for her drug addiction. Itâs a touchy subject and he is the first person you ever discussed this with.Â
âYou donât think he is to blame?â He asks in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.Â
âNo. I think my sister knew better than this. She was her own person before she met him and after she met him. You canât blame somebody for a decision you solely made.âÂ
Rindou senses your anger. He thinks [knows] youâve never been in love.Â
part 12.Â
Itâs November when you are introduced to Ran.Â
By this time heâs heard about you [and you yourself albeit muffled by thick glass of balcony door] numerous times. The occasion to meet you never presented itself. Even though it would be a lie from his side if he says he wasnât dying to meet you. His interest was as high as Fugaku. Not because of you as of you, - he didnât know you and heâs hardly a curious person - but because of his brotherâs soft demeanour and lack of usual disdain he presents around other people. Never you.Â
It nags Ran more than he would care to admit.Â
The absence of interest in him from your part was a bit suspicious. It depended on what Rindou had told you about him so it might be just his brother's fault and not your mere disregardless of Ran. Who in their right mind would purposely ignore him?Â
Their cupboard where they store instant noodles are empty and Ran groans when his palm touches the dusty wood surface. He is tired. And sleep deprived. Too many responsibilities weighed heavy on his shoulders. Last night he returned home around five in the morning and went immediately to bed. His only meal of the day was tuna onigiri he bought at 7/11. It tasted sloppy and rice was not cooked the way he liked it to be cooked. He complained about it all to Rindou who just clattered. To him, onigiri seemed fine. Not the best he had and certainly not worthy to whine about the whole night.Â
Ran was just being Ran. Now he was starving. His empty stomach churning.Â
âWhat did you eat today?â He turned around and suspiciously eyed Rindou who was sitting back to him on their newly bought white sofa watching TV. The show running there was unfamiliar to Ran.Â
âRice, two eggs and plum pickles.âÂ
The last time Ran had plum pickles happened a long time ago he couldnât even remember when exactly, less alone the taste. His mouth watered all the same. The non-bothered expression [he could sense even while looking at Rindouâs nape] on his brother's face only added to his starving agony. âYou went out?âÂ
âNo. Well⊠technically yes, but not really.âÂ
Whatever the meaning of Rindouâs answer, Ran doesnât catch it. He thinks of asking for an explanation, but senses Rin furrowing. Too focused on the jumping screen of the TV. His whole attention focused on a documentary about wildlife of South America. Ranâs mouth sprawls into an oh-i-know-what-you-are-thinking-of-now sly smile when he goes around and catches Rin bite his lower lip. It makes Ran forget about his minor problems. For the next couple of minutes if so.Â
Teasing his little brother about his new female friend is more important. And fun.Â
âWhy are you being so defensive when it comes to our new neighbour?âÂ
The question is simple, but the devious tone it's being asked suggests itâs more than this. Rin wants to punch his brother, but instead he sighs. He canât understand why he is being so protective over you too.
âI am not fucking being defensive. Itâs your way of asking about her that makes me angry.âÂ
âMy way of asking?âÂ
âYes. Itâs like you wanna ask me if we fuck or not?âÂ
âDo you?âÂ
âFor fuckâs sake, Ran. No. Sheâs just a friend.â Rindou rises from the sofa and storms off to his room. He doesnât forget to slam the door so Ran understands the level of the anger he feels towards him now.Â
He does.Â
So, Ran sprawls on the white sofa. Pillows here are so fluffy he might fall asleep for an hour or so. After he wakes up heâll knock at Rindouâs door and together they will go to the convenience store. Rindou wonât be angry anymore. Heâll whine and complain and maybe wonât speak with Ran for fifteen minutes or so, but eventually heâll put the whole conversation about you aside.Â
After all they are brothers and Rindou canât stay mad at Ran for long.Â
It goes the same for Ran too.Â
part 13.Â
When Rindou warned you about the dark alleys of Roppongi you shouldâve listened to him.Â
But as all people, you too, you believe you are invincible. You believe it wonât happen today or with you. Anybody, but you.Â
When you go out that night to meet your best friend at Kagurazaka, thereâs not a slightest worry in your bones. You chat freely, drink two cocktails on an almost empty stomach - your impromptu dinner with Rindou happened around four and now it was approaching midnight - and politely decline your friendâs invitation to stay over. She doesnât live nearby, but her house is relatively closer than yours. It doesnât matter to you.Â
You want to go home.Â
You catch the last train. Itâs empty. The night is clear and beautiful. The glimmering lights of Tokyo are more than mesmerising. They are surreal. Nothing around you suddenly is real. You have an urge to draw the scenery. You dig into your bag, but thereâs no pencil there nor thereâs a piece of paper. It's almost like a lost chance, but instead of giving up, you memorise the view. How houses look, their lights, neon banners and small nooks.Â
High on Tokyo you arrive at Roppongi station. With a picture before your eyes you donât notice three young men following you home. If you would, you probably wouldâve thought better than cutting your way home and instead would've chose the main road. But you donât and they feel incredibly lucky.
A beautiful girl and a purse with money.Â
Firstly, they yank your bag and when you donât give it up easily they push you hard to the ground. You fall on the wet pavement utterly confused. Sharp pain goes through your ribs. You try to stand up, not hearing their mocking laughs and your keys falling to the ground.Â
It should be humiliating, but you donât feel humiliated at all. Not even when the hands of one of them goes under your dress. Itâs cold and wet and your body starts shaking with anger. You are silent when your first crashes onto his face. The stench of blood is suffocating and the skin on your knuckles brakes with a loud thud.Â
You doubt they hear it or care about it because one of them slaps you across your face. Your nose bleeds and blood plops down. It brings a salty taste to your mouth. It covers your collarbones and stains your dress. At this moment you know that thereâs nothing you can do and that it is better to give up so you run to the convenience store. Itâs two blocks away and thereâs always a cashier inside. They won't dare to do anything in somebodyâs presence wonât they?Â
Itâs a fact that those who attacked you are cowards. Nobody else, but a coward would attack a girl in a dress returning home.Â
part 14.Â
Rindou sees you first.Â
He is without glasses - forgot them somewhere between arguing with Ran and forgetting to grab keys from their apartment - but he can clearly see the blood on your face and clothes. He drops the iced peach tea bottle and storms off past confused Ran.Â
Itâs too late for Halloween parties and he knows you well enough to know that this is not some trickery. Itâs the real blood coating very real you. He puts his palms on your shoulders, you are stiff underneath him, but you donât cry and he takes this as a good sign. âWhat happened?âÂ
âTheyâŠâ You stutter, confused expression on your face, you donât look at him, but between your bodies, at his nike shoes. They are white. As expected. You donât want to stigmatise them red. âSomebody just attacked me. Three of them.âÂ
âWho and where?â The voice is unfamiliar. He sounds similar to Rindouâs, but is more high and persuasive. Rindou never speaks like that. It might be somebody else.Â
This somebody else lingers behind his brother. His gaze never leaves your face and despite the situation he finds you very beautiful. Thereâs something about you that knocks him off immediately and when you raise your eyes at him he knows he is doomed.Â
Ran being Ran he shows none of it. Neither do you.Â
âDown the street to the left then again to the left and then to the right.â You explain, ignoring the intensifying grip of Rindouâs fingers clawing at your shoulder blades. âThere were three of them.âÂ
Ran flashes you a smile. Itâs genuine and you are confused at what exactly is here to smile. âRin take her home. Iâll be back soon.âÂ
âDo you have it with you?â  Â
Ran smirks. He follows the directions you gave him and disappears under the blue lights of lamps.Â
Not without showing his baton to worried Rindou. He makes a whole show of it, taking the weapon out of his sweatsâ pocket and raising it up so it is visible. He doesnât turn to look at you to see if you are watching him.
He knows you both do.Â
part 15.Â
Itâs your first time being inside their apartment, but no matter how much you want to tour it, Rindou shows you into the bathroom. Itâs tiny and you pass a small dressing room to get inside wondering why thereâs a sink in it, but you donât get to ask because Rindo tells you to wait a second.Â
He brings you a change of fresh clothes. Itâs black sweats and a grey oversized t-shirt. You want to ask to whom they belong, but somehow you understand they are Rindouâs. He wouldnât just pass his brotherâs clothes like this.Â
Before getting into the bathtub you examine your body. There are bruises on the left side that mark your skin from where your breasts are and all the way down to your leg. Itâs almost like Rindouâs tattoo. You smirk and try not to move much, because once you see the damage it starts to hurt as if your brain only detects what can be seen. Fucking fascinating.Â
The door to the bathroom is not locked. You remember it when the first drops of hot water fall onto your aching body. You doubt Rindou or his brother would barge in though so you arenât worried. Methodically, you wash your face, clean your scraped knee and watch blood mixed with water disappear through the drain. Once again everything feels out of place. Your blood, your black painted toenails, scratches and bruises it feels like they arenât you. Like they arenât yours. But the hurt reminds you very vividly that this is simply not true. Itâs all you.Â
What happened today happened to you. And thereâs nothing you can do about it.Â
You look around yourself searching for the soap or something else that will scrap this day off you. On the white plastic shelf you notice two soaps, one shower gel and god knows how many hair products. Thereâs no way to tell what belongs to whom so you take whatever smells better to you.Â
Inside your head itâs silent. No replaying of the events. Nothing. Itâs not that you do that deliberately. You are not sure you possess that kind of will. Itâs extremely hard to choose what you want to think about. Thoughts are not like trains. You donât get to miss some and then hop on the next, because you like it better. Youâll board every single one and live it thoroughly.Â
Want it or not.Â
âDid they smack you in the face?âÂ
Itâs the first thing Rindou asks when you emerge from the bathroom. He observes you carefully from the bar stool. Better than anybody else he knows what itâs like to deal with strong emotions and unpleasant situations. He is surprised though when you roll your eyes at him and laugh. Shouldnât you be crying? Or is it that bad you numbed yourself? The sudden alert in his eyes sells you to him.Â
âThey did. And they also pushed me to the ground. I have a huge bruise right here.â You show him where, pointing your hand from breasts to your leg. âNothing to worry about though.âÂ
He doesnât understand why you are trying to comfort him when it should be the other way. He sighs. âGet on the sofa Iâll bring you an ice pack and this cream Ran got at the pharmacy the other day. Works like fucking magic. Itâll stop swelling and the colour wonât be so bad.âÂ
You donât ask him why they have this cream or so many other medicines. Itâs pointless. It's common knowledge to you now what they are doing. You sit on the sofa where earlier today Ran took a short nap before he and Rindou went to the convenience store. Just at the right time to meet you. Coincidence or not you are really grateful you saw them there. You tell it to Rindou.Â
He shrugs. A small smile breaks out on his lips and he sits next to you handing you ice wrapped in two towels. âYou wouldâve come to me anyway. Even if we werenât there. Right?âÂ
âProbably yes. I dropped my keys and the trains stopped by now.â You put ice on your face. Gently. It hurts nonetheless.Â
âProbably.â He mocks you. And then silence feigns over you as he spreads cream for bruising between his palms.Â
Itâs an unusual silence full of words and noise. Neither of you disturbs it. Each listening and hearing what they need to. You take this as a chance to observe the living room and small bits of kitchen. Itâs behind you so you donât turn and look at it afraid Rindou might find it noisey. He obviously wouldnât.Â
âIs this your DJ booth?â You ask pointing at a huge table with what looks like a small laptop, DJâs setups and so many other things you donât know the proper name of. âIâve never heard you using it. I bet you can hear it from my apartmentâ.Â
He turns around looking at and you find his gaze amusing. He looks at it like a man in love. Then an annoyed expression where his blonde eyebrows are furrowed and lips shut tight grace his features. âItâs because Ran is not allowing me to bring my friends home. Says we are too loud. He only likes it when Kakucho or Sanzu are here. He is not even letting me bring girls home. Says there are love hotels across Tokyo for a reason.â
You laugh and your laugh is contagious because in a couple of minutes Rindou laughs too. It is rare to hear him laugh so wholeheartedly. He is usually most reserved and tries to keep everything to himself. You always wondered if it has to do something with how he was raised and how his older brother affected him? Keeping emotions stocked up inside yourself isnât a biggie. The problem starts when they are too much and with them you too are getting too much.Â
To Rindou a way to loosen up and let go is a fight. You suspect just as much, but he never says it out loud. Itâs an awful thing to say, he believes.Â
âDo you mind lifting your shirt up a bit? I warmed the cream for you.âÂ
You do as he asks.Â
The situation wouldâve been awkward would it be insinuated under different circumstances, but neither of you twists the meaning of what he is doing. He just tends to your wounds. In a very moderate and tame way. This is how you learn that despite his harshness and violent commitments, Rindou is a very kind - soft-hearted for his people even - person. Itâs a shame you think of him like this only now when he was being like this all the time.Â
When everything is set and done, Rindou brings you a pillow and a patched velvet blanket. The blanket looks out of his style. All bright with knitted flowers itâs like a white spot was placed on Malevichâs âBlack Squareâ. You realise, there are a lot of details and things you donât know about him. Todayâs events, however damaging they are, bring you closer to each other. Another milestone. And you finally met his brother.Â
Speaking of whom.Â
âWould your brother be okay?âÂ
Your sudden question takes him by surprise. He goes to the kitchen and puts the kettle on the stove. He intends to make a green tea for both of you. It will help him calm his nerves down and hopefully ease your headache and stress. The wave of it still hadnât hit you. It is always the same for most people going through traumatic events. We all postpone the inevitable, bottle up emotions inside us, and on the second day or third week - it doesn't really matter when - do we accept that whatever we went through was real and valid. It happened and we need to live it through one more time before we let it go.Â
For some people, like Rindou, it never goes away. It builds him. It becomes one with him.Â
He hopes it won't happen to you.Â
He hopes you eventually forget all about it.Â
âYeah. He is Ran Haitani.â You are yet to comprehend the meaning of the weight Haitani surname carries around Tokyo. Gangs, criminals, delinquents and their world is still uncrossed territory. Whatever you know you know from Rindou and your best friend. Both donât say much. âThose who attacked you, did they want something else from you too? Did they try to do anything?âÂ
Rindou settles a hot water pot and two cups on the table in front of you. Inside the cups there is dried tea. It smells delicious. Calming and reassuring.Â
âNo. Even if they wanted to, I ran away before they could.â You lie. The print of the hand of the other man on your thigh is one of the few things you could recall. âBy the way, these shower gel and shampoo you have, they smell amazing. Iâll buy the same.âÂ
Squinting his eyes, he leans towards you and putting his hand on your head brings it closer to him so he can smell it. âI swear⊠Donât tell Ran about it. He is already more cocky than he should be.â He sits back, relaxing on a plush sofa. âMine is good too. Itâs like aâŠâÂ
âLike a mint.â You tease him.Â
He scowls. âDrink your tea and try to get some sleep.âÂ
You bite another smile to yourself and do as he says.Â
Before you fall asleep you see those mesmerising lights of Tokyo.Â
You remind yourself to draw them.Â
part 16.Â
You and Rindou fall asleep before Ran comes home.Â
Itâs almost dawn. The sky is shrugging off the black of the night and dresses in pretty pink, yellow and baby blue. In the city, one needs to go somewhere high to meet the sunrise or sunset. In Tokyo there are numerous locations for city viewing that usually attracts tourists. Because of that Ran hasnât been to any of them. He thinks, going out for stargazing or to watch sunset or sunrise is stupid, anyway. He prefers to stay in and sleep.Â
He doesnât like to be up all night either, but now, returning home he looks up at the sky and for the first time in his life, he might agree he was wrong. Itâs gor-ge-ous.Â
The baton in his right hand is stained with blood. At first when he arrived at the alley where you were supposedly assaulted he got disappointed. No one was there. Drops of blood and your keys along with other stuff like lip balm, spiral hair tie and empty wallet with discount cards and coupons proved to him that he has not been mistaken. It was exactly where everything happened. Just no one was there anymore.Â
Carefully he picked everything up, checking twice, just so he didnât miss something. Then, Ran called Sanzu. If you ever need to find someone, Sanzu is your choice.Â
He and Sanzu found them in an hour. They begged for forgiveness, but Ran was so tired and Sanzu was already so high. Nothing they couldâve said would be of any help. By the end of it all, they gave all the money they took from you and even more. Ran made sure they apologised enough. Pity, you were too far away to hear.
Now, the solemn apartment greets him with background noise only TV could make and Rindouâs soft snoring. Ran takes his shoes off, neatly puts them in the shoe box, places your bag on top of it and goes straight to the bathroom. It reeks of blood and his shampoo. On the tile floor lays your bloody dress. Itâs pretty and stylish. Not too girly in his opinion and he likes it, but thinks you chose just the worst day to wear a beige short dress.Â
He lifts your dress and throws it in the basket where they store their dirty clothes. Doing so has a strange feeling to it. It shouldnât be that natural. He should be weirded out by your presence in his sanctuary where he is at his most vulnerable and he knows you are here because he feels tiny little needles poking at his body.Â
Maybe he is just tired.Â
Or maybe - and Ran is sure it is the real reason - there was something so gut wrenching sweet about your face covered in blood under the neon sign of a convenience store, it was all he could think of since.Â
The immediate attraction he sensed towards you was now giving him hard times. You were Rindouâs friend. No. You were a very good friend of Rindou and while Ran couldnât know if his brother liked you - like liked liked you - he could clearly tell that he cared about you so much he didnât want you to meet Ran.Â
He fills the bathtub and slides into hot water. His skin is burning but it is a pleasant feeling. From the bathroom he canât hear if he woken you or Rindou and he hopes he didnât. He doesnât have any energy to talk or look presentable or do anything really. What he desires is to fall asleep right here in the bathroom in warm hugs of water. He wishes someone could hug his tired brain the same way.Â
On his way to his room he can see the glimpse of you. He stops. Itâs funny how you sleep where he slept not so long ago today and just now he was taking a bath where you had been taking it. Too, not so long ago.
He shakes his head. Â
Sometimes he thinks about the weirdest shit.Â
Itâs crazy.Â
part 17. Â
Rindou wakes up first. He lets you sleep well past afternoon and when you open your eyes and emerge in his room he gives you back your bag and keys to your apartment.Â
He says he canât find your dress anywhere.Â
He asks how you feel.Â
âI feel like my body was put through a meat grinder.â You shrug. âOther than that itâs fine. I am gonna go home now and prepare something to eat. You and your brother are welcome to crash at my place later.âÂ
âRan would appreciate it.âÂ
You nod at him. With a bag in your hands you go home.Â
part 18.Â
Itâs peculiar how yesterday evening another you was going out of your apartment and now this different version of you crosses threshold again like itâs nothing. You hang your key by the screw near the door, you take your shoes off, sit your bag on the backless stool right by the entrance and go inside.Â
You donât lock your door. You doubt bad luck would strike you twice. And to be honest after what happened you donât feel afraid at all. [Not that you were before.]
The image of night Tokyo is still in front of your eyes and it jumps in your heart alive demanding to be painted right this second. Itâs very difficult to tame your creative urges, but you do your best and go straight to your bathroom. To shower and see how much bruising has progressed.Â
In the pale white light, with purple splotches and scratches your body looks different. Itâs you and at the same time itâs not. You observe your reflection closely trying not to miss any detail. You want to remember this version of you. Harmed, but not beaten. But all there is is a strong sense of alienation. You lift your right arm up and the person in front of you does the same. You do the same with your left arm, then you stand on your tiptoes and then you jump and then you turn turn turn until your head feels fuzzy and you fall to the ground.Â
Afraid, you sneak a glance at the mirror. What would you do if thereâs a person in the reflection? The mirror is clean. There is nothing that shouldnât be there.Â
You let out a breath.Â
Everything is good.Â
Everything is going to be okay.Â
part 19.Â
The washing machine is half way through its programme when there's a knock at your door.Â
âOi. Why didnât you lock your door?â Itâs Rindou. You can hear him taking his shoes off and making his way to the kitchen. By now he knows your apartment like the back of his hand. âYou should be more careful.â
You shake your head, disapproving. âI doubt someone would break into my apartment.â In your hands you form a ball of rice. Large handful. Your already made onigiri lined up on the kitchen table look perfect to Rindou. You however see every bit of essential rice poking out. You sigh and add. âBesides, what would they find here? My canvases? My pastels? My collection of coloured pencils? I donât even own a TV.âÂ
âYou.â He deadpans, stealing a mouthful of shredded tuna mixed with mayo. âJust lock your door. Thatâs all. Two fillings? Is this one salmon teriyaki?â The spoon he found in tuna goes all the way to the - indeed - salmon with teriyaki sauce and spring onions. He doesn't bat an eye that he is doing something wrong when he puts the spoon back. Instead he looks around. Almost anxiously. He raises up from the table and goes all the way to the pots sitting on the stove. WIth one swift motion he lifts lids and checks whatâs inside. He gasps. âDid you make rice with eggs and spam? Itâs Ranâs comfort food. He would eat anything now though. He hasnât had a proper meal in days.âÂ
âHe doesnât seem like a person who would skip a meal.â You mumble, contemplating between taking a new spoon or continue using the one Rindou had so nonchalantly put in his mouth, devouring onigiri fillings.Â
âI said a proper meal. He was surviving on ready-to-gos.âÂ
âStill better than salt and vinegar chips, I guess.â You shoot him a teasing smile which he warmly accepts with a mocking scowl.Â
You choose not to change the spoon.Â
While you continue to prepare dinner Rindou disappears somewhere inside your apartment. Judging by his heavy loud footsteps he is in your bedroom.Â
There is only one thing he could do there and itâs checking your sketchbook. Earlier today after the quick shower and getting laundry set up you sat down on your bed wrapped in a large towel that felt like a cloud and drew for an hour. Creativity, that art provided you, eased your mind. Soon enough the ache in your mind and body started to fade. In that urban drawing you were sketching, events of yesterday never happened. There, you were never assaulted. You were still on the train going from Kagurazaka to Roppongi. Thinking about nothing and feeling everything.Â
There, you still havenât met Ran.Â
Why you think of him at that moment is confusing. There is no logic behind it. Something somewhere inside of you just brought his being out. Thinking about it, you didnât even have a chance to properly introduce yourself to each other. You never planned on meeting him so you never thought about how it would go, but still thereâs a hint of disappointment that the first time he saw you, you were covered in blood.Â
The painting in your lap is unfinished. Itâs half way through. Or even less. Urban sketches demand a lot of time because of all the tiny details they consist of. Pursing your lips, you look at the drawing, not sure if you like it or want to rip it apart. Abrupt throw - which is Ran Haitani - halt the whole process to an end. You wonât draw a single line today. That much you understand.Â
Now, sitting on your bed, gazing at your sketchbook, Rindou for whatever reason it may be recognizes not the Tokyo or its lights or its small alleys, but his older brother. Yes, itâs buildings. Yes, itâs street lamps. Yes, itâs hundreds of windows and lanterns of the small alley where in the morning merchants will sell fresh fish, vegetables and street-food. And yet, all he sees is Ran. Itâs so evident it knocks him off. He almost has trouble breathing and he so wants to ask you if you did it deliberately. Knowing what you are doing and still doing it on purpose.Â
He is afraid you might find it stupid because itâs a landscape. And more than anything Rindou doesnât like to put himself in a situation where someone would think he is stupid. He hates the feeling.Â
Silently, he closes your sketchbook and places it on your nightstand where he notices a manga. Itâs the second volume of âKagen no Tsukiâ by Ai Yazawa. He grabs it and brings it with him to the kitchen where he sits across from you. You are still making onigiri.Â
âDonât read it. Itâs a really sad story. I cried for days. And every time I reread it, I still cry like the first time.â You warned him noticing the manga in his hands. âI am almost done. Will your brother come soon or do you wanna go fetch him? The food will go cold.âÂ
The reminder of Ran coming from your mouth unsettles him. There is no reason for him to feel this way, but he still does. He clenches the book so much his knuckles go white. If you notice you donât say anything. âWhy do you keep reading it time after time if itâs sad and makes you cry?âÂ
âI guess I love sad stories.â You say simply, licking your lips after. You finish the last onigiri, put it on the plate and rise from the chair. Your body aches, but you stretch anyway. âAnd itâs Ai Yazawa, Rindou. You canât help, but return to her stories.âÂ
All of a sudden, a thought that you would never find him stupid, flashes through his mind and eventually he relaxes.Â
The book slips from his grip.Â
part 20.Â
Ran is wearing a dark grey loose knitted sweater - it has the same colour as pavement outside your building - and a pair of baggy black sweats. His hair is tied into two neatly done braids. If you thought Rindou has long hair itâs just because you havenât seen his brotherâs yet. Yellow tails of his braids reach just below his thorax.Â
They are probably hella long undone.Â
Ran looks cosy and sleepy. His downturned eyes scan the room almost curiously, but thereâs no lively emotions just yet. Until he stumbles at you and Rindou. The corner of his lips tug upward. Just a bit. Then his lips form a shape of âoâ as he sees Rindou helping you set the table. Something he hasnât seen in⊠forever? Domesticity was a foreign concept to them both.Â
âThe door was unlocked.â He says, leaning on the countertop with his elbow.Â
Ran looks as if he hasnât spent a single thought on his looks and came right away as he was. Rolled out of bed and emerged in your apartment. This however couldnât be true. Youâve seen the enormous variety of shampoo, gel showers and other cosmetic necessities [totally unnecessary for Rindou though] in their bathroom.Â
Hearing about the door you shoot Rindou a smug glance which immediately sparked an interest in Ran. He has never been with you two together and now seeing you interact so smoothly, in a familiar way, naturally created a lot of assumptions. Were you and Rindou that close?Â
Despite yesterday's question he could now admit that there was not an ounce of romance between you and his younger brother. Ran almost felt sorry for asking.Â
âI didnât lock it because I am here and Ran was coming too.â The tone of his voice is flat like he is explaining the most obvious thing in the world to a two year old. You raise your eyebrows at him and grin, handing Rindou a disk with different kobachis on top of it. It has pickles, onions, and sauces.Â
âFirst of all, he could perfectly open it even with it being locked. Secondly, do you always cook so much or is it just because we are here?âÂ
He wants to say something else, but Rindou is quick to interrupt him. âNah. Sheâs always like this. She just likes cooking.â You nod at this because itâs true. You do like cooking. Very much. âShe also likes drawing. And reading. And flowers.âÂ
These all are true too and you are amazed that Rindou is quick to tell all of your interests. Itâs either you are blant or he is very observant and caring.Â
Unlike his younger brother, Ran doesnât wander off around your apartment. He stays at your side at all times quietly observing you. The truth is in the small details and thatâs why he doesnât take his eyes off you, noticing every single little one. Those that stood out and those that were well hidden. His act is impulsive and he is not very well aware of it. Rindou is and he thinks that this is why he wanted to keep you off his world.Â
To Rindou itâs like his brother is tainting you.Â
At the table they sit across from you. By this time itâs mostly you and Ran speaking. He properly introduces himself and you do the same. Even if thereâs no need for you too because Ran is not hiding that he heard about you before. Still itâs a polite thing to do. So you tell him your name, your age and that you came from Obihiro to Tokyo to study law. He jokes that he is good at breaking the law and you both laugh while Rindou rolls his eyes.Â
âDid you paint it?â Ran asks, showing the picture behind you. Itâs an oil painting of Kyoto Temple. There is a lot of green from the trees in front, but even with that the painting looks solemn. Grey stormy skies and dark facade of the temple carry something ominous in it.Â
âNo. My late grandma painted it. I donât use oil paints. I actually never got to work with them so I donât know how to control them. I am more into dry materials. And Iâve never been to Kyoto.âÂ
âLike pencils?â Ran is on his second portion of rice with spam. Itâs delicious and though he is not a big on eating like Rindou, he canât stop himself. Everything you cooked melts on his tongue. âI wanna see your drawings.âÂ
âYeah. Like pencils, pastels, charcoal. Something like that.âÂ
âSince when do you know anything about art?â Asks Rindou. He puts his chopsticks aside and steals onigiri. You assume he took the tuna one, but you canât be sure because when you were arranging them, Rindou volunteered to help, then mixed up the plates and put everything together. A total mess.Â
Ran shakes his head as if he is laughing. No sound comes out of his mouth though. He turns to his brother, eyeing him. âI donât know anything. But! I like fashion and contrary to you Rin I have this natural feeling forâŠâ He stops talking and carefully chooses his next words. âFor beautiful things.âÂ
Rindou groans in frustration and covers his face with his hands. Ran laughs. For real this time. His laugh is elegant and light. You canât decide if it suits him or not. Ran is like a closed book. You canât read him and you have no idea what is going on inside of his brain. He doesnât seem like a dangerous person to you and despite knowing that in fact he is pretty much dangerous you have this feeling - call it a premonition - that he wonât ever hurt you. Nonetheless his closeness bothers you. Not to the extent of keeping you on your toes, of course. But still, itâs not the most pleasant thing.Â
While they bicker you slip out of the table and go to your bedroom. There you grab your recent sketchbook and some older ones. You also bring out the last canvas youâve done. On it is a half-way finished forest with a shrine. The only coloured part of this drawing is a forest. Everything else is still a sketch. You think you might return to it today. If you arenât that tired, thatâs all.Â
In the living room Ran polishes off what seems to be another portion of fried rice and spam. Rindou didnât lie when he said his brother was hungry. They both raise their eyes at you when you enter the room. Munching on the food, Ran is quick to stand up and offer you some help. This is a mere polite gesture from him. Few sketchbooks and a canvas arenât that heavy. You and him both know that.Â
And so does Rindou.Â
He also knows his brother well enough to understand that this action was spontaneous. Something Ran wasnât really expecting of himself either.Â
Itâs already past ten when Ran finishes looking through your works. He doesnât compliment them or actually say anything at all. His long fingers skip page after page going through months worth of drawings. When something catches his attention he rests his sleepy eyes on it and studies it for some minutes. Besides furrowing his eyebrows and biting his lower lip, Ran's face remains impassive. Once again you canât even imagine what goes on inside of him.Â
Does he like your art or not? Anxiety crawls inside of you.Â
âWhen I am rich enough, like a multimillionaire kinda rich, Iâll buy every single one of your art.â Ran says it without raising his eyes at you so he doesnât catch how you nervously swallow, your throat doing a bulb motion, fingers locked. Instantly after his word the tension evaporates from your body. Why were you so jittery? Opinions of other people rarely touch you in an important way. Let alone about your art. âWhat is this drawing about?âÂ
Between his thumb and an index finger is your latest sketch. The one you started today. You tilt your head so you can see it better. As if trying to see it through his eyes. [You obviously fail at it.] You take a deep breath before explanation pours from your lips - or your heart. Rindou next to Ran stiffens. He is too interested in this particular sketch. For a different reason than Ran. âWhen I was returning home yesterday I took the train and I saw this view outside. The train was going slow so I could take a mental picture and I just liked it, I guess. You know, all those lights and side streets, stars. Looked quite memorable.âÂ
He hums presumably agreeing and positions the sketchbook with the drawing on the table, leaning it against your glass full of grape soda. Then, Ran puts his elbows on his knees and props his chin on his intertwined fingers; they look like a bridge. He observes the drawing delicately before he sighs and turns his head to you. âIt reminds me of something, but I canât tell what it is. Can I have it?âÂ
Itâs out of character for him to ask permission when the whole evening he was doing what he wanted and giving dismissive orders.Â
âItâs not done yet, but when I finish Iâll give it to you.âÂ
âWait a damn second. Why did you never offer me some of your drawings? I want the one with cats.â Rindou is quick to reach out for the old sketchbook of yours. He gives the impression to have memorised their insides by heart as almost immediately he finds what he was looking for. Itâs an A4 vertically turned sketch of various cats in the grass. He angles it and pokes at it. âThis one.âÂ
âI never offered because you didnât ask.â You laugh. âYou can have it, Rindou. Do you want me to give you a frame for it? I think I have one just in the right size.âÂ
The rest of the evening goes steady and slowly. You cut out the âcats sketchâ out of the sketchbook and frame it; indeed you have a frame that fits like a glove. Or does the sketch fit the frame? You have no clue. It doesnât really matter when for the first time you feel so calm and at peace.Â
None of you mention yesterdayâs event.Â
None of the boys eye your peeking through your spaghetti strap tank top bruise. Neither of them addresses your slightly discoloured face and an evident rip of the skin under your nose.Â
They go home at two in the morning.Â
You give them remaining onigiri for breakfast.Â
part 21.Â
You sit on your sofa, legs prompt under you, pencil in hands when you hear the doorbell ring. Itâs dark outside, even though itâs barely five in the evening. Winter is almost here. And day by day it gets colder and colder.
Apparently, the chill air eats the daylight away. The allegory appears funny to you.Â
Today you missed the classes and declined the invitation of your best friend to go on a double date with her brother to Hamarikyu Gardens. You said you might have caught a cold yesterday on your way home. You havenât told her about the assault and you donât think you will.Â
Nothing really bad happened and she would worry in vain. Right or wrong, it is what you believe in the moment. So you keep your mouth sealed tight.Â
The bell rings the second time. Impatiently. You sense that if you wonât open the door immediately the person on the other side of it would break in regardless. Groaning, you stand up from the sofa and pad to the entrance. Pencil and sketchbook forgotten on the floor.Â
Itâs Ran. When you open the door without asking who it is on the other side you see him, wearing a light coat over a green sweater and black jeans. His outfit looks expensive and well composed. In his hands he holds two paper bags. Those are from the nearest supermarket. He grins when he sees you.Â
âDo you know how to cook tonkatsu?âÂ
âDid you buy eggs?âÂ
âYes. Pork, eggs, flour, cabbage, some saucesâŠâ He lowers his eyes down and peeks inside the bags. âOh! Sangaria Hajikete for you. Mushrooms too. Green onion. I think I forgot noodles.âÂ
âI have noodles and rice at home. Come on in.âÂ
He grins again when you invite him inside your apartment and you canât help it, but smile back. He hangs his coat near your jacket, takes off his sneakers and follows you to the kitchen where he places bags on the countertop. You help him take out groceries noticing midway how relaxed he is. The confidence might run in Haitaniâs genes because Rindou is exactly the same.
As if reading your mind - you canât be sure he doesnât possess such power - he informs you on Rindouâs whereabouts. âRin is with Kaku at the gym. You know those guys that would rather live at the gym than at their house? Those are them.âÂ
âRindou told me he likes exercising. I mean at least itâs healthy, right?â You take the meat out of the container and rinse it in the sink. From the corner of your eyes you see Ran reaching out for the plate where you could put the meat later. Somehow it didnât cross your mind. âThank you. And what do you like to do in your free time?âÂ
âSleeping. Napping. Shopping.â He helps you lay the meat by bringing the plate closer to you. âAnd barging into apartments and making girls cook for me.âÂ
âFunny.â You do actually find it funny. Not as a poor joke itself, but rather as a lame excuse for flirting. If he even considers it flirting. âOkay, now while I'm doing the meat would you take over chopping vegetables? It's not hard at all.â
âDo I look like a person who canât cut vegetables?âÂ
He raises his eyebrows at you and for the first time you notice their colour. Blonde. You almost ask him about why he decided to dye his hair half-half, but hold yourself back. Even if he welcomed himself into your house, even if he is acting as if you know each other for a long time and even if he is Rindouâs brother, you canât just ask him whatever you want.Â
Ran, of course, thinks otherwise. Â
He thinks the silence you keep is because of his eye colour.Â
âThey are amethyst like. Rindouâs are more on the lavender side.âÂ
âWhat?Â
âWhy were you staring at me?âÂ
âYour eyebrows are blonde. I was thinking you would look good with blonde hair.âÂ
His eyes go wide and then he grins for the third time this day around you. Ran shakes his head in amusement and fishes out of the drawer long silver knife. He checks it with his finger to see if itâs sharp enough. He takes his time to choose the right knife. One might think he has an opinion on them. You give him the cutting board. He probably knew where they were stored too. You are not worried about it. He might have memorised everything from yesterday.Â
âI donât think Iâll ever go fully blonde again.â He confesses after some time. You turn to him waiting for what he has to say. Ranâs full focus is on cutting green onions - you must admit he does it easily, every chop is neat and of the same size - when he resumes. âWhen I killed that guy my hair was blonde and long. They shaved everything off at juvy. I hated it. Gladly my hair grows out fast.âÂ
Thereâs almost nothing to say without probing further on this unsettling topic. Rindou told you about it just once and then youâve never returned to it. There was no need and it was evident that Rindou didnât like to talk about it. Nor did he particularly speak a lot about their days at juvy. Everything was brief. But one thing you remember clearly. Rindou said they killed them when Ran said that he did it.Â
Despite your attempt to remain neutral you frown.Â
âRindou told you we did it together, didnât he? He always presents it like we did it together, but in fact it was me. I knocked out the captain with one blow and then I killed the vice. You couldnât recognize his face. It was Rin who told me to stop. All he did was just hold him down and maybe dislocate one or two joints. Rin is hella strong.âÂ
âYeah he likes to prove it all the time. Opening all jars, bottles. You know.â
In fact, Rindou is a caring person and he does all of this not to validate himself, but to help. Nonetheless, the warmth spreads in his chest everytime you tease him that he likes to appear strong.Â
But today itâs not about Rindou. Itâs about Ran and so he asks the obvious. âArenât you scared of me?âÂ
âNo. Why would I?â You bring out three small bowls and fill them with flour, eggs and breadcrumbs. Thoughtful Ran brought them made so you didnât need to crumb the bread. âAnd my point still stands. I think youâd look good with blonde hair.âÂ
Sheâs unbelievable, he thinks, and the feeling he had the night before only intensifies. This small premonition of love haunts him, but try all he wants, he canât shake it off. Itâs already made a nest inside of him. Like a little lost bird who neglects his lame excuse of a heart. Â
âI have old pictures. Iâll show them to you.âÂ
âSounds good. Now grate the cabbage. Iâll deal with the meat.âÂ
He only hums in response.Â
In thirty minutes everything is ready. Ran is more helpful in the kitchen than Rindou, who leaves you alone and spreads on the couch going through your manga or book, is. It might be because Ran is older and he needed to take care of his younger brother all this time. Itâs unknown since when they started to live on their own and where their parents are and if they had them in their lives at all. Rindou had never breached the topic so naturally you thought that he avoided it. Those memories got to be the most painful ones.Â
You set the table alone. Itâs a monotonous task. Bring the cutlery, plates, place all the food and glasses. Nothing too difficult. It bores you a bit. From the living room you can hear Ran speaking on the phone with Rindou. He told you heâd give him a call to tell him everything is ready. His voice is muffled and you have no desire to eavesdrop on them. Privacy is privacy even inside your apartment.Â
The steam coming off tonkatsu makes it appear all the more delicious. You contemplate stealing a piece to try if itâs as tasty as it looks, but assume it will ruin the whole composition of nicely laid out meat you spent a good ten minutes arranging. Shredded cabbage seems fresh and savoury too. You wonder if you are just too hungry or itâs been ages since youâve had tonkatsu and thatâs why it looks so delicious.
You are glad Ran stopped by.Â
âYou know how I wanna name this sketch?â He stands at the entrance of the kitchen - a place where the living room and small dinery are connected; a safe-zone - holding the sketchbook you left on the floor when he rang the doorbell. âKoi no yokan.âÂ
âA premonition of love?âÂ
All of a sudden it seems fitting. The best name anyone could think of. Honest and raw. Just like your sketch. Just like you. Just like Ran. In front of each other without embellishments.Â
âYeah.â He nods, coming closer with a sketchbook still in his hands. His eyes widened in surprise as if he wasnât preparing dinner with you. âIt smells too good. Letâs eat. Rin said he will be late. They just started on the second set of whatever the name of that machine was.âÂ
At the dinner table you sit in front of each other and just like yesterday Ran devours everything he lays his eyes upon. You both chat freely and effortlessly. Itâs you who does most of the speaking and he who asks all the questions. Ran learns a lot about you. He discovers he loves it even. Â
At last, he asks. âDo you wanna know what happened to those guys?âÂ
âNo, but thank you. You didnât need to do that, but yet you still did.âÂ
âSanzu was with me.âÂ
âWho?âÂ
âNevermind. Maybe Iâll introduce you one day. Do you like burgers? We could make some tomorrow. What time will you be at home?âÂ
âI am not planning to go anywhere. So anytime. And yes I love burgers.âÂ
He winks at you. âNoted. Iâll bring everything you donât need to buy anything.âÂ
Smile graces your face and you take a sip of grape soda he bought just for you.Â
It tastes more delicious than ever. You canât help, but wonder why.Â
part 22.Â
Of course, the very next day Ran is at your door again. As promised.
He carries grocery bags and behind his rather broad shoulders, you can see Rindouâs blond hair pulled up in a messy bun peeking at you. Ran grins, pushing forward as he welcomes himself in your apartment. Rindou rolls his eyes, fascinated at both - how cosy and comfortable Ran is with you just after your second meeting and how cosy and comfortable you are with him.Â
But then, thereâs nothing too unanticipated. Ranâs charisma and charms are well-known all over Tokyo. He is very handsome too which only ever worked in his favour. And, more importantly in Rindouâs opinion, Ranâs is not gloomy. If anything, his usual expression is a beautiful mixture of melancholy and sadness that seems to make every girl fawn over Ran.Â
Not that Rindou ever had any problems with girls. He is Haitani after all. They will always remain popular.Â
What you donât know and haven't seen yet is that Ran is an absolutely vicious person. He can be cruel without limits. A lot of times, in fights, itâs Rindou who stops him. He believes - and rightfully so - he is the only one who can. Once raged and challenged Ran doesnât know the limits.Â
Not that Rindou is any better.Â
They just maintain control over each other like brothers should.Â
After burgers, comes mentaiko pasta and after it ramen and then gyoza - which Ran surprisingly can seal very well and Rindou once again for the thousand-ish times in his life feels lesser than his almighty older brother is - then some other western dish and then itâs just an insanely delicious food carousel neither of you can remember.Â
Once Ran brought some old photographs he had. Looking at them Rindou had a vague disorienting ache that transmitted that he was looking at strangers. There were their old friends. Them before juvie. Other people and the same places in Roppongi that now were again theirs. All his life everything Rindou was dreaming was to be like Ran and then own Roppongi, a place they called home. But as Ran passes pictures to you, explaining what is forever imprinted on them and who all those people are [some of them are dead despite being so young; and now theyâll forever remain so] Rindou feels sudden abruption of everything he holds dear to him. Â
Was it all really worth it? Does he like what he does? Arenât all his goals and envisions for the future of those small bulky boy in the picture, but not him as of now? Would he always follow Ran?Â
Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Â
He chants as a mantra.
One day, late at night, after another delicious dinner at your place, Rindou is sprawling on the sofa when Ran wrapped in a towel shows up from the bathroom. They look at each other and the excruciating thoughts going on inside Rindouâs head are so evident they appear to Ran like neon signs. Bleeding. Ran loves his little brother so he asks first knowing that Rindou would never dare to approach the topic first. At least not today. âWhat?âÂ
âWhat do you mean what?â Fends off Rindou sitting up. His glasses slide down over his nose to his lips and Ran bites down a laugh.Â
His little brother. His own flesh and blood. âI know what you want to ask so ask away and stop tormenting yourself.âÂ
âWhat is the point of me voicing it if you know what I wanna ask anyway?â
Ran sighs and sits opposite of him, spreading his arms on the sofaâs back and crossing his legs. He rests his head on one of his arms, tilting it at an awkward angle that just looking at him makes you feel uncomfortable. âBecause I want to hear it from you.âÂ
âCan you promise me not to do anything with her?âÂ
Who is her goes without saying. Itâs you.Â
Before answering Ran shrugs, licking his insanely perfect white teeth and tilting his head backwards, he closes his eyes, sighing. âWhy?âÂ
âBecause we donât have a lot of trust-worthy nice people around us, Ran. I donât want to end up choosing between you and her, because the choice is fucking obvious. Letâs keep it friendly coded.â Rindou sounds desperate. His words are crude and raw and honest. He calls out to his brother, already knowing, that whatever plea he invokes itâs lost in the vast void of Ranâs feelings. Rindou is confused, but he wouldn't be who he is today, if not for his ability to stand his ground. So he takes a deep breath and continues. âListen, Ran, do you think itâs safe to date? Like we are not what we were before when it was just fucking around and punching randoms outside. Tenjuku is serious. Izana is fucking serious. Shion is a mad fucking dog and Kanji is crazy. Sanzu is only behaving when he sniffs a line. Out of them only Kaku and Koko are the onlyâŠâÂ
âRin.â Ran raises a hand to stop his brother. He sits straight and for a very long time looks at Rindou without saying anything. He searches for the right words and then his mind is going blank because all he knows is that thereâs something rotten inside of you. And Ran wants to carve it out. He saw it the first time you two met face to face the night you were assaulted. From that day all he wants is to tug at your insides, clean what hides behind your ribs, reach your soul and make it his. Make you pure and perfect again. He has no idea how to communicate all of this to Rindou so he says the most blatant shit neither of them believes, but they both eat it up anyway. âI wasnât planning on doing anything. And most definitely I wasnât planning on dating her or anybody else.âÂ
âGood.â Rindou purses his lips and his face loses all its colour. His tan is not helping him a bit. âThank you.âÂ
They sit not moving or speaking for a little bit, settling in a comfortable usual silence. Ran looks at the table in front of him and Rindou stares at the huge floor to ceiling window. He canât see shit from his place. Just a bit of neon lights and the building across. Better than nothing. Those simple things keep his mind occupied until he hears Ran standing up. He turns his head in his direction and catches a towel slipping down Ranâs hips. Rindou screams.Â
âWhy. Is. This. Shit. Always happening to you? Are you doing it on purpose?â
âWhy are you always reacting like youâve never seen it? We go to sento every other week.âÂ
âDoesnât mean I wanna see your dick! It was a fucking jumpscare!âÂ
Ran grins. âBig and scary?âÂ
âDonât be fucking stupid. Go put some clothes on.âÂ
The atmosphere shifts and suddenly everything is back to normal.Â
They both love each other very much.Â
part 23.Â
The desire not to let his world incorporate you fails. The fall is sudden, not expected at all and Rindou thinks it was him who jinxed you all, because once you get obsessed with something - in both ways, negative and positive - it will for sure crawl its way into your life.Â
Thatâs why when Ran points at your back asking Rindou if his eyes are not lying to him and itâs really you, he is not surprised. Perhaps he was even expecting something like this to happen. Just not so soon.Â
Itâs the middle of December. The weather is so cold and windy you feel it in your bones. At least itâs not snowing and roads are walkable. Not that Rindou or Ran walked. They both arrived in Ranâs new Honda NSX-R he bought second-hand not long ago. Though he never cared for cars, his white slick Honda became his obsession. He doted on it more than he ever had on any other thing. Besides Rindo, thatâs it.Â
The small, but still spacious club in Roppongi is full with people. Loud music hits every wall and then gets back to the middle of the dance floor, shaking everything that gets in the way. The floor is constantly vibrating and the smell of alcohol is so sharp it intoxicates even those who arenât drinking, boosting the wild environment. People dance and drink, most of them being underaged, but because they are part of one or the other gang, they are in.Â
You are not the one to complain though. You got in only because of your best friendâs brother.Â
From where they stand - a VIP zone - Rindou canât really see if itâs you, but his gut feeling tells him yes. He knows for a fact that you were supposed to go out today and now he regrets he didnât ask for details. Maybe somehow he would've talked you out of it or not show up himself. Half of the Tenjiku are here and what is the worst of all S-62 generation too. Except for Izana, but he was never big on clubs or parties.Â
Would it be too impolite to not greet you? Would you even notice that? Have you noticed them at all?Â
Neither of them can say. Communicating only with their eyes, Ran urges his brother to follow him. He is both intrigued at what are you doing at famously delinquents only club - not that ordinary normal people are never here - and why are you doing chatting up Toman members. So he pushes forward to you through the crowd. Rindou is closely behind him.Â
When they approached your group, the smile from everybodyâs faces vanished. Haitani brothers are never good news. It seems everybody knows that, but you, because you grin and a bit tipsy you give your hand out to Ran. He laughs, his laugh is velvety as usual, and shakes your hand for longer than needed.Â
Now everyone's eyes are on you.Â
âI didnât know you would be here!â You say surprised, clearly happy to see him. Much to his delight and your friends' confusion. âIs Rindou here too?âÂ
âYeah, of course he is. I saw you from there.â Ran slightly turns his body and shows you where he and Rindou have been up most of the night. You listen to him attentively, focusing really hard on what he says and lean a bit closer when you canât hear him. â... decided to say hi. For how long are you gonna stay here?âÂ
The answer is lost on your tongue because Rindou, clearly pissed, shows up right in front of you. His cheeks are slightly pink. It might be from alcohol or from the heat of enclosed space with so many people in it. That you too can feel.Â
Rindou waves at you and glares at Ran. You laugh at their interaction. Youâve never been out with them both before rather than at your convenience store near the house and seeing them behave exactly like you are used to when they are at your place or you are at theirs is pretty relaxing.Â
âThose are my friends. My best friend is here and this is her brother.â You introduce your company having no idea that they already know each other. âAnd this is Ran and Rindou. We are neighbours and really good friends.âÂ
Neither of them shake hands or smile at each other. The tension that fills the air is tangible. Itâs slicky and warm. You want it gone. Puzzled you look from Ran to your best friendâs brother and then to your best friend who shrugs her shoulders. Lastly you look at Rindou whose eyes are not angry anymore, but sorrowful. You frown and step closer to him, wanting to ask whatâs going on, but Ran speaks first.Â
âIt was nice to meet you. You all have fun.âÂ
With that he waves at you and disappears into the crowd. Rindou, not saying a word, goes after him, throwing a haste look at you.Â
He thinks what just happened was fucking embarassing.Â
part 24.Â
This club is a neutral territory - itâs in Roppongi so informally itâs controlled by the Haitani brothers - but misunderstandings still happen.Â
Neither of your friends said much to you after Rindou and Ran left. Two questions asked were how did you know them and if you were close. Thatâs all. The party continued and the gloomy face your best friendâs brother wore for a short time dissolved under the influence of alcohol.Â
You tried to search for either of the brothers scanning with your eyes the dance floor, the bar and the DJ booth. Nothing. The VIP zone was closed off and no matter at what angle you looked you couldnât see past its dark curtains.Â
Sudden encounter left you with a bitter taste. You felt like you did something wrong. Said something that you werenât supposed to say or acted in an unexpected way that everybody hated. The cruel flavour of iron is strong in your throat. Distress doesnât depart from you the whole evening.Â
The fight that happens that night inside of the club is almost fatal. You didnât see much of it starting, but music comes to a halt and then lights are on and itâs blinding and the shouts and sound of skin being ripped and crushing bones are speaking for themselves. Some people rush out of the doors which causes a massive panic. Somebody is calling the police and then when this fact is made public the panic intensifies.Â
You freeze clutching your best friendâs hand. She hurriedly speaks to her brother, nodding her head when he responds. Thereâre  shouts from everywhere and people are rushing by you to the exit. Everything and everyone falls to silence when a guy jumps off the stairs to where the fight is happening - in the middle of the dance floor. He is around the same height as Ran and might be the same age or close. What catches your eyes is his tattoo. It goes all the way from his temple to his neck. The V-neck sweater he wears is perhaps on purpose so everyone can see it. Just as the shaved left side of his head.Â
âItâs Shion Madarame, one of the Heavenly Kings.â Now that itâs so silent you can hear your best friendâs brother whispering it. âWe need to get out. Itâs gonna get really violent.âÂ
That is when you notice that the entrance is blocked. Nobodyâs moving or speaking or perhaps even breathing. Everyoneâs attention is on Shion.Â
âWhatcha you guys think you were fucking doing?â He spits at the floor before pulling out metal brass knuckles. He puts it on his right hand almost teasingly. So lazily, his every move seems to be captured in slow motion. He laughs when he raises his head and sees pure animalistic fear spreading on the faces before him. Adrenaline is kicking high.Â
Those two guys that started the fight are no longer opponents. They might even forget what they were fighting about.Â
When Shion without any warning lands a fist to the first guy's chest, the poor creature flies to the wall behind him hitting people standing there. This guy is taller and more muscular than Shion, but still he doesnât fight back even when Shion straddles him and punches his face. Nobody really does anything. They all watch and watch and watch. Violent smell of blood evaporates every other.
Somebody cries.Â
The fight - which in all honesty is not a fight at all, but a massacre since no one stops it or intervenes and neither of the boys show any resistance - turns into killing. From where you stand you canât see the details and now you wonder what those two unlucky boys looked like. You canât tell and probably none will in two months or so; the damage Shion has done to their face is beyond recognition.Â
You spot Rindou sitting on the stairs. Ran stands next to him twirling the baton in his hands. He is talking to some guy you see for the first time. They all are unbothered by whatâs going on beneath them. Rindou is the only one who intently observes every move of Shion. But it doesnât seem like he is regretful or anything like that. He scrutinises every move with a purpose of remembering it so he can use it against someone else later. That much is evident.Â
The guy next to Ran has a buzz cut and huge peculiar scar that you think he might have earned in some fight. Receiving it for sure hurt like hell. It doesnât make him appear ugly though. This guy looks almost gentle. Especially when he smiles at something Ran said. You wonder what in this situation might seem funny to them, but then you have no clue what they are talking about.Â
Soon, another guy with long white hair shows up on the stairs. He wears a mask and you canât see his face, but he seems young. Younger than you. He too is obviously in a gang. Masked as he is, he shoves himself in between Ran and the guy with a scar and says something. Rindou hears it as he turns his head into their direction.Â
âShion! Thatâs enough. Let them be.â Ran gets down the stairs and stands behind Shionâs back who continues punching the guys as if he is not hearing Ran. Probably he is not. The excitement in his body is too much; it clouds every other feeling. âShion! Stop! Police are on their way. Come on. Itâs enough.âÂ
Still, nobody moves. Nobody tries to escape. The next thing you know is Ran raising his baton and the sharp sound of air sliced in two fills the club. He strikes a couple of times. That much you counted, but it got to be more, because blinded with rage Shion throws himself at Ran.Â
Rindou is quick to assist his brother as well as the guy with the scar. The only one who remains on the stairs is the guy with the mask. You hear the baton working again and then Shion is screaming. Ran laughs.Â
âCome to your fucking sences, Madarame.â Spits the guy with the scar and then he turns to the crowd. âWhat are you all still doing there? Get those two to the ER and⊠Shit!âÂ
His last words are lost in the noise of the police siren and people shouting. Whatever that paralysis was, it's now gone. Everyone is pushing and kicking again. You hold your friendâs hand for dear life. Itâs easy to lose each other.Â
Somebodyâs hand is on your shoulder when you are halfway to the exit. You think that someone mistook you or was just grabbing you to remain on their feet. However the person tugs you at them and annoyed you look back to see who it is.
Itâs Ran.
He says something and you shake your head indicating that you canât hear him. Not with whatâs going on around you. Itâs a mess. He visibly sighs, his chest going up and down. He then steps forward and says something to your best friendâs brother. They exchange some words quickly and then you all are led back from where you came by Ran.Â
Hand in hand he takes you through the personnel area to the emergency exit.Â
Outside itâs colder now than when you came. You shiver and he looks at you. His eyes inspect every bit of you as if he wants to make sure you are okay. You are. He seems satisfied by it.Â
âWe all should be going. How did you come here?â He again speaks to the brother of your best friend.Â
âBy car.âÂ
âGood. Get your girl and friends and get going.â Ran turns to the left where his own car is parked in the distance. Your hand still lays in his. Without second thought you go after him.Â
No one thinks of correcting him that the girl is his sister not his girlfriend. No one cares.
Police sirens are getting closer when your best friend speaks up. âIsn't she coming with us?â
Ran stops, confused, he looks at you and then at your friends as if he doesnât understand why she is even asking that. âNo. We are neighbours. Iâll take her home.âÂ
âDid you even ask her?â Itâs your friendâs brother. Thereâs irritation in his voice. Youâve never heard him speak like that to anyone.Â
âAre you trying to pull this Toman noble cavalry shit on me now?â You see the baton for the second time today. It has red stains on it. He stretches his hand with it pointing at your friends. âCause I am really tired and not in the mood toâŠâÂ
âItâs okay.â You intervene by putting a hand on Ranâs wrist. âItâs okay. I donât mind going with Ran. I trust him. You have nothing to worry about.âÂ
Thereâs another smug expression of satisfaction on Ranâs face. His body relaxes and he drops your hand. Without saying anything he lazily goes to his car, unlocking the door for you first. You get inside. Â Â
As you pass by your friends you give them a wave and they nod at you.Â
Everything seems to be okay.
part 25.
After fifteen minutes in Ranâs car you notice that he isnât in fact taking you home.Â
You were busy looking at his car, its leather interior, the busy lights of Tokyo and Ran himself.Â
âI am taking us to my favourite ramen place. Itâs a bit too far, but they serve the best shoyu ramen and are open 24/7. Me and Rin are regulars there.â Itâs Ran who breaks the silence first. His voice is soft and he is back to being Ran you are used to hanging out with. Confident and firm, and almost a little bit gentle.Â
âHow is Rindou going to get home?â You ask what worries you the most. âWill he be safe?âÂ
âTotally. Heâll stay with Kaku. You probably saw him today. The guy with a scar?âÂ
âOh. Yes.âÂ
âHe got it in an accident when he was a kid. Kakucho is the coolest. He might seem scary, but he is very loyal and even kind.â You stop at the red light and Ran looks over at you, you who is staring at him. âWere you afraid today?âÂ
âNo.âÂ
âNo?â
âWere you afraid when you met those bastards in the alley?âÂ
âNot really.âÂ
âNot really?âÂ
âYes.â He is clearly waiting for more explanation, because itâs not normal to not being afraid. Everyone would be afraid. You both understand as much. You sigh, crossing your hands around your chest and straighten up in the seat. You look at the road ahead when you start to explain. âMy sisterâs boyfriend is in the gang. They arenât just simple motorbike gangs that are fooling around, throwing punches and you know the rest. They are full on criminals. He got my sister on drugs. She overdosed five times. He got her pregnant too. She aborted the kid. And Iâve seen him and his people doing worse than Shion did to those guys today. These all are not new for me. Iâve seen it before.âÂ
Ran hums. His long fingers caressing the leather of the wheel. He accelerates, rushing forward before traffic lights change. A few cars that are on the streets at this hour irritatedly honk after you. Inside the car the outside world gives the impression of decorations. Nothing seems real. You get this feeling for the second time.Â
Once on the train and now again. With Ran in his car.Â
âHowâd you know Shionâs name?â Ran asks, his attention again on you. Whatever he was thinking shoved aside. Â
âEverybody was whispering his name when he jumped on the dance floor. Are you in the same gang?âÂ
âYou can say so.âÂ
âAnd the guy with the mask too?âÂ
âHis name is Sanzu and yes he is in Tenjiku too.âÂ
âHe seemed young.âÂ
âHe is sixteen. Two years younger than you and Rin so donât brag.âÂ
You scoff and Ran smiles. Then he gets serious. You sense it with every pore of your body. His car is a sport type - or so you think - and there isnât much space. Itâs comfortable though. You arenât feeling confined or trapped. But that must be just Ran. His mood is transmitted well enough. That too, however, must be just Ran.
âI might come off as a hypocrite, but they are toxic to each other. I donât know how itâs in Obihiro, but here in Tokyo every other guy in a gang I know, treats his woman well if they have one. Those who aren't, they donât have a girl. Shion for once. He fucks around, but nothing serious. Girls who are with him know they arenât forever. Are they still together? Your sis and that guy. What position does he hold in the gang?âÂ
âThey are or at least they were when I left. She doesnât speak about him much, because I hate him and throw my hands at him every time he is in my way.â You stop, suddenly remembering how once you slapped him in the face in front of everyone in your school. He didnât lay a hand on you, said some stupid shit about how fierce you are, hopped you sister on his Kawasaki and left. You were small and thatâs why you believe he didnât hit you. You werenât sure he wouldnât now, but maybe you just never knew him at all. You roll your head on the headrest and look at Ran. âHe is some kind of executive or so I heard. I have zero clue about hierarchy and how it goes in the gangs. What position do you and Rindou hold?âÂ
âI am one of the four Heavenly Kings and Rin is my second-in-command. Kakucho and Shion are the other two and then we have Mochizuku, but you havenât seen him yet.â Â
Yet.Â
Ran parks the car outside of the small shop. You have no idea where you both are. Youâve never been to this part of Tokyo. Itâs very peaceful here. There are no people outside and the buildings around show no sign of their inhabitants being awake at this late hour. In front of the shop, just a couple of metres away you spot a middle aged man with bright red tenugui tied around his head. The man is smoking sitting on his hunches. When he sees Ranâs car he smiles wide and stands up, waving his cigarette at him.Â
The conversation is lost and you are somewhat happy about it. Discussing Tenjiku with Ran, you crossed the line Rindou so carefully built and guarded. It almost feels like a betrayal of some sort. You still were much closer to Rindou than to Ran. Wouldnât it be more right to discuss all these with him and not Ran?Â
Whatever is right or wrong doesnât matter anymore. You all donât belong in the world where it does.Â
Inside the ramen shop itâs warm and the smell of broth fills your nose helping you realise how hungry you really are. What alcohol you had at the club is out of your system, but the after starvation it always brings is here. You wonder how amazingly our bodies work and how it can sober up and get rid of any influence when a dangerous situation is inflicted upon it. Amusing.Â
The man happily chats with Ran and you follow them both to the distant booth in the back of the room. Itâs closed off and has a curtain for privacy. Another VIP zone.Â
âYou sit here. Iâll be back in a minute.âÂ
With that you are left alone. Not for long. After a couple of minutes Ran returns with a menu, a bottle of sparkling water and a grape soda. He puts soda and a menu with a pencil in front of you and sits on the red and brown leather couch opposite you. The menu is one of those where you need to check what and how you want your food to be done. You take a pencil in your hand and read, your eyes following different variations of ramen they have here.Â
âOrder tonkotsu ramen. Youâll like it.â Recommends Ran. He opens the bottle of water and takes a very long sip. âEven the water here is god-like.âÂ
âIsnât it Suntory?âÂ
âIt is, but itâs more delicious here. Wait until you try their ramen and you'll understand what I am saying.âÂ
Naturally, when ramen arrives and you make a first sip of the broth, Ran is looking at you expectantly. You try noodles, pork belly, onions and enoki mushrooms - you put those additionally because when you came upon them in the menu you suddenly realised you were craving them - on its own. And then you try everything together. The taste is rich. It is delicious.Â
You look at Ran and nod your head, smiling.Â
âTold you. The best ramen in Tokyo. Itâs sad they do not make Mont Blanc here. The Mont Blanc I like is in another part of Tokyo.â He pouts.Â
âWe can try to make it at home if you want.âÂ
âReally? You can make Mont Blanc at home?âÂ
âRan, you can make anything at home. Like literally anything.âÂ
He grins at you thinking he might marry you right here on the spot.Â
He doesnât say it out loud. Instead he closes the curtain and indulges in his shoyu ramen. And your company.Â
part 26.Â
On the 24th of December you leave for Obihiro. Your parents are excited you are coming and for once they seem like a proper family when you call them beforehand to inform what time youâll arrive home.
Rindou is the one to take you to the bus station.Â
âYou shouldnât have made all this food for us.â He tells you when you sit on the bench near your bus. Your small luggage at your feet. âAnd you went out and made this insane dessert for Ran. He is totally not worth it.âÂ
You laugh, but your laugh is sad. You donât wanna leave. âI made twelve of those. Each day Iâll be missing. And I made all this food so it wonât smell like salt and vinegar chips on our balcony. You gotta eat normally, Rindou. And I also left gifts for you two.âÂ
His eyes widen. He adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose. âYou are way too kind to us. Do you know when was the last time someone gifted us something? Never. You shouldnât have.âÂ
âItâs in the small bag. I wrote your names on top of it. Shoot me a message if you like it.âÂ
The lady on the speaker announces boarding for your bus. You stand up, take your small bag and together with Rindou you stand near the door not ready to say goodbye just yet. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it and whatever he wants to say stays imprisoned inside of him. [Forever]. Â
You hug him and he hugs you back.Â
Without saying another word to each other you get inside the bus.Â
He doesnât leave until your bus is out of sight.Â
part 27.Â
You celebrate New Year with your parents and your sister in the warm family house in Obihiro. You all exchange gifts, watch fireworks and take a lot of pictures. Your absences united your family the way your presence never could.Â
After the dinner, you and your sister go to visit the shrine as you do every year when your phone beeps.Â
Itâs a message from Ran.Â
my favourite place to eat mont blanc is now your place. can't wait for it to be open again.Â
haha. iâd say you are cute if i didnât know you.Â
i think i am pretty much cute and handsome
btw i like the drawing you did of meÂ
rin is so jealousÂ
tell him he should take me out somewhere and if the atmosphere is right iâll draw him too
can i message you later? me and my sister are visiting the shrine
i wonât tell him that
ofc. be safe. happy new year.Â
happy new year ranÂ
Rindou calls you later. He says you shouldnât listen to Ran and he liked his sweater all right. He says he bought you something too, but no matter how much you begged him to say what it is he wouldnât tell you. You promise to message him the time you arrive so heâll pick you up and then he hangs up.Â
You miss them too.Â
[Ran messages you exactly fifteen minutes after Rindouâs call. You are still at the shrine and your sister isnât happy you are on you phone again, but you still reply to him. Every time he messages you do.]Â