I was taught from school and Law and Order SVU that rape was something that happened in back alleys,ย
usually at the hands of a stranger, not necessarily because of what you were wearing but because you could be hurt
I didnโt understand that when you pushed me over the kitchen counter and kept reaching up my shirt, that when I was too afraid to say no, that that was rape
and when your little brother walked in and you yelled at him and then kept doing it, in front of him while i asked if we could stop, go upstairs, that was rape
I didnโt understand that when you started performing oral sex on me in front of your friends while I asked you to stop, that was assault
I thought that assault was rape, and that rape happened at the hands of a stranger
I didnโt understand that when you yelled at me, took things off the wall Iโd made for you while I sobbed, that was abuse
I didnโt understand that when you were on top of me and I decided I wasnโt sure anymore, that i wanted to stop, that that was rape
I didnโt understand that because I was afraid you would become violent if I said no, that that was coercion, that I shouldnโt have been afraid of the person i was dating, crying myself to sleep every night because youโd asked me to marry you and I had said yes
I didnโt recognize abuse, schools donโt teach you about emotional abuse
I thought abuse was being hit, not being screamed at in public, not being made to apologize for being screamed at
I thought abuse was being smacked in the face, not being told i was all you had and then being degraded for my body
I didnโt understand that when you showed me porn, porn I didnโt want to see, that that was abuseย
I thought porn was porn and I didnโt care if you watched it
You showed me things and laughed at how uncomfortable i was, then compared my body to the stars on screen
You pointed out that iโd gained weight and then stuffed your face with french fries, me sitting there in your bathroom crying as quietly as I could
Because I grew up thinking that rape happened at the hands of a stranger in a dark alleyย
And that abuse was being hit in places people couldnโt seeย
I didnโt want to believe that iโd given my virginity to an abuser, a manipulator, an egotistical monster
because I grew up thinking that rape happened at the hands of a stranger in a dark alley
was people being hit in places people couldnโt see.
prguitarman
origamiaround
