The Pitt and text posts

"And we are live from the PMTC! But wait, what's happening? Who is that?"

A few years ago I developed a connective tissue disorder. I got muscle and joint pain, inflammation, fatigue and I gained weight. Prior to this, I was very active and visibly muscular. But as you know, doctors will often think of weight gain as the cause and not a symptom. The disorder and my active lifestyle caused a few injuries in my joints. This meant I got to visit quite a few orthopedic surgeons. Park the Shark reminds me of the fifth ortho. Like all of the other orthos, he was tall, muscular, handsome and slightly Patrick Bateman-y.

I was in a room with an endocrinologist and a rheumatologist. Dr. Ortho Bro entered and controlled the room in a very intimidating way. One could hear the Jaws theme upon his entrance. I was in my underwear and thought "Ohhhhh my god, I am about to be called fat in ways I have never been called fat before". I was convinced, that I was gonna get all the Shark snark. Dr. Ortho Bro ignored the doctors, went straight over to me and said "I'm *last name* and I'm gonna examine you". He then started examining me similarly to a judge in a cat show. I was stretched and bent and jiggled and poked. Then he went straight to arguing with the other doctors. Dr. Rheuma suggested that I would be less tired and in less pain if I lost weight. And Dr. Ortho Bro looked DISGUSTED. He grabbed my wrist and extended my arm. "LOOK! Nice, strong. Ugh.". Then he asked me to stretch my arms over my head and pointed to my back. "See????? Firm. Protective. Good.". Dr. Endo then said weightlifting would be beneficial for managing my pain, and I said "I already...." but Dr. Ortho Bro interrupted me: "Obviously. It's only Dr. Endo who can't tell.". He then looked sternly at Dr. Rheuma and said: "Look, there is obviously something very wrong with her connective tissue. Muscles and bones are good. Refer her.".

While Dr. Rheuma and Dr. Endo made a referral to the specialist clinic that diagnosed me shortly after, Dr. Ortho Bro started asking me a million questions. "You do creatine? Good. You deadlift? Nice. What's your PR? Alright. How much you bench? Cool. Delts need some work, but all in all good. Book an appointment if that carpal tunnel acts up. Feel better soon". Then he fucking dapped me up and left.

I have never in my life had a simultaneously comforting and intimidating doctor. I was afraid that he would eat me, but at the same time I felt very safe, because I knew he definitely would eat the doctors before me. Scariest patient advocacy ever. 10/10 would recommend.

I know for a fact, that Park the Shark is gonna put that woman's leg back on way better than it was before. And he's gonna do it in record time. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. And thank god for scary, slightly sociopathic orthopedic surgeons.