I feel tainted..

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@highoffsuply
I feel tainted..

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Javier Mayoral
Comet (2014)
âSo⌠have you ever dreamt about me?â

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To need someone is a very dangerous thing.
(via melisica)
Sunsets & Sunrises by Sonja Barbaric
I'll always love you, in my own way
letters from mom

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âIt was probably nothing but it felt like the world.â
Morrissey, Autobiography (p. 141)
You, youâre a cheat. Which makes you a sneak. I could smell it on you the first time we met;  you fucking reeked of ulterior motives and deceitfulness.. I may be a lot of things, but inattentive is not one of them. And I bet you didnât notice how much I saw those beady slits on your face dart back and forth while your mind calculated. You play innocence very well, I will give you that.. and blatant stupidity which isnât so much an act as it is a character trait for you . Your ignorance and inability to form coherent and intelligent thoughts or ideas is worrisome. No individuality, just pure idiocy, which may be part of your charm? If you can even call it charm. But I also see the way your legs brush against anotherâs while he sits there distracted. And there is nothing I hate more than an undercover whore that canât admit her own transgression. Disgusting excuse of womanhood, you fat little girl.Â
You, youâre a coward. Spineless as a jelly-fish. A sheep, a follower; a door mat laying in front of someone elseâs house. Willing to play court jester for a theater that seems to mock and use you.. but yet, you still play along. Dancing like their puppet. How pathetic they must think you do be because they surely laugh at how you jump when they say jump. And how pathetic you actually are that you donât notice they come to you simply to pull your strings. A big, dumb marionette clown.Â
And you, youâre all of the above so youâre the worst of all. Unable to love because of how unlovable you are; and that will be your lifeâs curse. Wandering from body to body, always taking more than what is necessary because you are a leech. A parasite that drains life. All youâll be really, is hopeless and sad.. a true lost cause. You will never find true happiness but youâll never be able to realize you are to blame because of that. You will look, in every person you meet, for a home to lay your head while you destroy in the process.. and that is all you will ever be to anyone. A destructive mistake that had once been made that will never be made again. You will be the life lesson we tell our children late at night when they canât seem to figure life out. You will be used as an example; you will be the big bad wolf in the story. But you will also be long forgotten after the story is over and everyone lives happily ever after. You will be part of the story that never ends, the part of the story that never grows up..the peter pan that has outgrown the suit he still continuous to wearâ and I think encountering you is much, much better than ever having to be you..Â
personal

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I took acid and all I could think about was fucking you.Â
Thatâs the scariest thing to me..
how easily I feel bored and uninspired.Â
How easily Iâm able to feel less than a person, like I donât exist.Â
Thatâs why I need constant stimulation. If I stop moving, I disappear. Iâm not real so when real things cease to exist, so do I.Â
Itâs that old quote âif a tree falls and nobody is around to hear it, did it really fall?â
Well...if Iâm here and nobodyâs around to witness me, am I really here at all?
Because Iâm getting really tired of finding means to make myself and remind myself that I am, in fact, alive and real..Â