Highfessions

So this one time I was on this road trip and we had come off the interstate for gas. Keep in mind we are blazing going down the road. When we got on the ramp back to the highway there were a ton of cars and none of them would let me merge and I was running out of room. So I gunned it, cutting one off while blowing my horn and giving them the middle finger. My friend in the car was really quiet for a minute or two and looks at me dead ass and says “That was a funeral procession you dumb fucking cunt”. Whoops!

My friends and I were high and my friend kept losing shit and he somehow lost his flipflop so we went into famous footwear with our shoeless friend until he realized he had no money and he had to accept only having one shoe

one time I was smoking out of a bong with my boyfriend and I set my bangs on fire. the entire room smelled like burnt hair

This one time I got so high I was talking to a strawberry and telling it not to bite me bc it was hurting my lips (middle of winter, chapped) and I thought there were micro sized little ants or something living in the seeds, it wasn't till I saw my (semi-sober) friend staring at me because I had literally just said 'ow, stop that' out loud to a fucking strawberry

So I tried to get my friend high for the first time but for some people it doesn't work the first go, so I was baked off my ass and she was just like 'I'm not having any fun I can't feel anything' and I just laughed hysterically but then cried at the same time because I felt bad.

Literally the best thing you can do while blazed AF is to rub scented cream all over you, it honestly feels like God is caressing you, did that last night and I could taste the Shea butter.

"This is what it must feel like to be a Care Bear" me explaining how it feels to do a dab.

Last night I got so high I wrote a two pages long review over the brand new weed I had smoked and sent it to the guy I bought it from

These highfessions are now just horribly written stories by 13 year olds and aren't funny. Do you just accept all of them? I mean, damn.

So I went to the Boys of Zummer tour with Wiz Khalifa and Fall Out Boy last night. We were blazing in the car along the way when we get behind a cop on the interstate. I asked if we would have to talk to anyone when we parked because my car reeked. My friend asked if I had air freshener so I pull out this can from my door and start shaking it... in clear fucking view of the cop. My friend freaked out and was like are you fucking dumb. I put it away super quick and let a car get between us and the police. Talk about a heart attack!

This other time at the same guy’s house we were all sitting in his back porch at night and I was convinced there was a little girl with a red cape staring at us 2 yards away (they have gate fences). Turns out it was just a red barrel. So freaking funny

One night I got super baked at a friend’s house (he was having a little kickback) and I asked my friend to go to the bathroom with me cause I didn’t want to go alone. When we got there there was this little humming noise coming from the toilet and when I sat down I couldn’t tell if I was peeing or not. My friend was like "Are you done yet?” And I was like “I don’t know, am I still going??” And I legit started freaking out cause I couldn’t tell. Turns out I had already finished had my pants on and was just sitting on the toilet and it was just the humming of the toilet and not me peeing.. We laughed so hard for like half an hour .

The first time I got high with one of my really close friends we were staring at a light, and I said it looked like a hole, and if you climbed through it you'd be in the stars and with the universe. And she was like ya, but you can't touch it except with your spirit or else it'll burn you. A couple minutes later I started crying because I "touched it with my spirit", and I thought Satan burned my soul.

When I first started smoking pot I got so high once I forgot how to stand up, I was just laying on the ground at a park flipping shit because I didn't know how to stand, my friend had to help me up and actually ended up dropping me.

Once I was in a cabin uin Michigan and we were all stoned and drunk and trying to play cards. Well a spider crawled neear and i wanted to escort him out instead of killing him so i scooped it up with two cards and ended up crushing one of its legs and i literally started crying. My (p much sober) bf had to calm me down. It wasnt even dead. I just was so high and felt so guilty I just sobbed

one time I got really stoned before I had to clean the kitchen and I thought I could put dish soap in the dishwasher and the soap all came out in a huge puddle and it was the fucking funniest thing ever and I ended up spilling laundry detergent 10 minutes later

Okay so I use to go to this gay bar in Atlanta all the time with my friends. I smoked a whole blunt of loud by myself on the way that night. When we got there the drag queen was talking and said she was going to host a best chest competition. I shouted out how about a best ass competition? She was like you think you'd win? and I was like fuck yeah. Next thing I know I'm in the middle of the floor and they start playing ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass and I'm twerking and werkin it.. up until I slipped on someone's spilled drink on the floor. I fell so hard my ass hit the ground before my legs did and my shoes (six inch red pumps) flew off in two different directions. All I could do was laugh as the drag queen ordered everyone to buy me shots for being brave (and stoned) enough to embarrass the hell out of myself.