yeehaw

wish my hair grew little flowers on its own how neat would that be

Stickin ur feet in a river is cleansing. You just roll up your pant legs and step into the stream. Bam. You’re a new man.

Alright team, lets bust a nut out there

patiently waiting for someone to fall in love with me. i refuse 2 date. i refuse 2 flirt or make a move. how could this go wrong.

#ITS STILL JULY YOU ANIMALS

You can live your whole life without eating or drinking. You’ll die, but that was your whole life.

REBLOG IF YOU LOVE OTHER MEMBERS AS MUCH AS YOUR BIAS

APPARENTLY MY MOMS BOYFRIEND HAD JURY DUTY WITH JOHN MULANEY AND WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM

imagine going to the jury and seeing him like i wouldn’t be able to keep it together emotionally i’d just be disqualified the plaintiff would be like “he stole my assets” and i’d be like I Have Fired The Criminal Catcher

John Mulaney Gives You The Death Sentence (ASMR)

Imagine being on trial and you look over at the jury and John Mulaney is just sitting there. How do you handle that, psychologically. How do you not conclude your life has turned into a piece of absurdist theatre

Saying “WWW” instead of “World Wide Web” takes an extra 6 syllables to say