We'll scrape our shoes on the stars

Chapter 4

“You’re a selkie?”

Sheer, utter relief animated Harrison’s entire being. Within an instant, the soft, human mask dropped. His shoulders relaxed, curving out his back, down to his feet that wagged briskly back and forth while his cheeks dimpled as they plumped out with a contented, seal-like purr. Even his eyes glittered with sea sparkle, a bright luminescent blue that broke through the glassy haze that had overtaken him. It was almost a caricature - he was more Harrison Knott, the one Cameron pictured whenever he closed his eyes, than he ever was.

And somehow, he made sense. He was real.

Gentle fingers threaded through Cameron’s white-knuckled grip, holding him steady against the debris where he sat. With a soft sigh followed by a less soft, almost manic giggle, Tova let out the tension that had been building in both of them. It was contagious. Cameron hissed between sharp laughs, voice rising with Tova as she let go and got up to test out her leg without a drop of hesitation. “No joke? You’re not shitting us?” 

Harrison nodded slowly, encouraging him along. “You know what we are”, he said. Not surprised, just giving space for the realisation to sink into Cameron’s features. 

“‘Course I do, but- Harrison, man. This is insane,” Cam muttered to himself, and then once again when Tova stood up and hopped on her perfectly healed leg.

Because that’s what this was, wasn’t it? Insane. Legends were insane. Fairytales were insane. The word barely covered the man who knelt before him. The one who could never recognise a person if they shaved or changed hats, and yet talked to individual fish like old friends.

Despite the fantastical absurdity of it all, a kind of cold, rational sobriety came over Cameron. For his whole life, Cameron Cassmore had wanted something- anything, to happen to him. Confident that when it did, he would be ready to meet it head-on. And yet on those rare occasions when he tried to manifest that something for himself, his efforts had only ever garnered another suspicious gap in his CV or a half-baked song abandoned on his hard drive. Not that he could ever honestly say he had given anything his all. It made failure that much easier to accept if he hadn’t.

And so nothing happened for years- until now. An honest-to-God, true-to-life selkie. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to schmucks like him; however, sitting on the edge of the first town in his adult life where he could place its inhabitants by name, just as easily as he could the cheapest bar or record shop, Cameron knew something had finally, truly happened. He just wasn’t sure if he was ready after all. 

He shifted uneasily on his perch.

“I know. I know,” reassured Harrison. “That’s why I wanted to show you this place, so you could see it for yourself.”

“I would have believed you if you told me, man.” 

“Would you?” His laugh was as deep a burr as a seal’s bark.

Cameron paused for a moment. “Uh, yeah, no. Absolutely not,” he admitted, wringing‌ his wrists even as he returned the laugh. He felt dizzy. “But in my defence, I don’t think some Scottish shapeshifting mermaid is most people’s first guess.”

“Scandinavian. Dad would kill you if he heard you say Scottish.”

Cameron kicked him with a grin. “You can go five minutes without correcting me, ya know? I don’t remember my mom ever saying you were all pedants, too.”

At that, almost imperceptibly, Tova’s lips twitched as the rest of her body braced in anticipation. Normally, Cameron would divert, hammer the point home, forcing them to feel as uncomfortable as he felt at the mere utterance of his mother. But at some point along the way, the anger had simply lost its power over him. For the first time, he wanted to share it with someone else.  

Harrison seized the opportunity. “What… What did she tell you about us?” In truth, he’d never planned on ‌how to tell them. To do so would be to mistake that absolutely insane, foolhardy idea for a good one.

“Uh, only the usual stuff. They were just some bedtime stories when I was a kid”. Cam stopped to clear his throat. He felt like he was in fourth grade again, being forced to explain basic arithmetic to his teacher, who had a PhD in Maths. But Harrison smiled encouragingly, delighting in every word. If there was one thing he had learnt, it was how to keep humans talking; he just had to stay quiet and nod. 

“My father used to tell my brother and me about how you brought good luck to sailors on their way home,” Tova jumped in, taking her seat again by her grandson. “Seems silly now, but when we were coming to America, we were so afraid of the ship hitting an iceberg that we tried to stowaway in a lifeboat before we even set sail. God, he was so embarrassed when the captain frog-marched us back to our room! But after that, whenever he tucked us into bed, he told us stories about how selkies always knew where you belonged. That way, even if we sank and got separated, they’d make sure we got to our new home…” Rolling her eyes fondly at her old man, she laughed, “I always presumed he just made that one up to make us feel better and to stop us from crawling into his bed.”

Tova hadn’t thought about that journey in years. After Erik died, any moment that led to that fateful day became tainted, a black hole of ‘what ifs’ she could easily fall into for years at a time. It made only a few innocuous periods of her life safe to dwell in while she did the dishes or drove to work. Any longer and her grief would start to mould new meaning from it, requiring it to be quarantined off lest it infect other precious memories. Now, she thought of her father choosing the spot to build their home, of passing down the stories of selkies to Erik and her husband lovingly watching him play with her father’s model seals. For all the sadness those snapshots contained, they slowly formed new connections. The timeline that led her here.  

While Tova’s lips crookedly grew into an unassuming smile, Cameron bit at his. Speaking as though to himself, he held his gaze on the space boot that lay abandoned on the floor. “Mom never mentioned that one. Not long before she left, she said they never interfered and that you can only ever rely on yourself. Not some fairytales.”  

She had said it in even harsher terms, but just that admission alone made Tova’s heart ache. It had never occurred to her what comfort those stories had given her as a child until she felt it anew. Maybe if Erik had lived, Cameron would have learned that tale too, finding comfort in it rather than closing in on himself. But then again, she had an inkling of the reason behind his sudden change - she didn’t suppose a few stories really were enough,

Harrison assumed he was angry with him for trying to run away. Cameron’s mom had him dead to rights, but to know how close he had come to letting them down… It didn’t bear thinking about.

“It’s a good job octopus’s like to interfere then,” Harrison said. “Marcellus was always very fond of his cleaning staff.” 

“He told you that?” Tova asked gingerly. 

He nodded, “Of course! Not that you needed to speak to him to figure that out.” 

No, she thought. She didn’t, did she? 

“And you got him back to where he belonged, just like father said you would.” Leaning forward, Tova gave him that telltale pat again, just as she used to when he was a seal. Without thinking, he hummed into it. “And us. I think you’re rather an exceptional, spunky selkie, Harrison. Even if you are wonderfully interfering.”

Normally, Harrison wore that title like a badge of honour, but now he pulled away slowly. “I don't feel like one,” he admitted. “I can’t find my own way home, let alone help anyone else. The ring was all Marcellus’s idea, not mine… I… I was halfway out the door when he went to get it.”

A choked-off noise escaped Cameron. They both turned to him. If he realised he had made a sound, he certainly did nothing to show it. Yet his mouth carried on without him. A back-and-forth played out across his features as his lips moved in silent dialogue with his face, which responded in only the subtlest of twitches and tics. His eyes widened and then blinked as though he were erasing a thought from an Etch-A-Sketch. 

Usually, Cameron spoke and let his brain deal with the consequences later. Seeing him wrestle to keep quiet made Harrison’s heart thunder against his chest, but he had trusted him this far. When finally his face reached a stalemate, Cam murmured hesitantly, “W-Where were you going to go?” 

“Away. That’s about as much of a plan as I had. You probably already guessed, but I lost my sealskin a few months back,” Harrison surprised himself with how steadily he spoke. He sat back, straight into a puddle that soaked his jeans. Not that he cared. Resting his arms on his knees, he tried to trick his body into being as casual as possible, just as he had learned to do for the necessary ‘idle chatter’ portion of his job. “It was just before you came into town. I came to drop off some shells at the aquarium on the full moon, and when I returned, my skin was just… gone. I didn’t think it was close enough to the shore to get carried off, but I’ve looked everywhere for it. The only option I’ve got left is to travel the coast and see if it’s‌ washed up somewhere.”

“And if you don’t find it?” Cameron asked delicately, suddenly laser-focused on any reaction. “Would it suck that much to stay as a human?”

“Then…” A lump caught in Harrison’s throat, as firm and as sharp as a fishing hook. “It’s like… You know when you’re running on a treadmill? It feels like I’m at my limit, but my body keeps going just so it can stay still. Like… It’s like a shark that’s stuck in a net but has to keep moving forward to breathe.” Harrison’s voice gained traction, spilling out of him now that they knew his secret. He didn’t have the words to explain the depth of his longing; he didn’t know Cameron’s beloved Shakespeare or Ethan’s obscure bands, so instead he simply went with every word he could think of. 

“O-Or when you’re stuck at work!” he exclaimed. Giddy at putting it in human terms; maybe he really had learned a thing or two. “And you want nothing more than to get home to a dingy old camper, but you have no idea when your shift will end, or if it ever will.” 

Suddenly, his shoulders sank, and a melancholic, dreamy smile broke through. “Then other times it’s when everyone is coming around for dinner, and Ms Sullivan has her incredible fish pie in the oven. Everyone is in the kitchen together, and there’s life! So much of your amazing life filling up the house. But the door’s closed, and you’re on the other side of it all, starving. You feel you could wait forever for it, but that doesn't change the fact that you’re all alone, wasting away to nothing.”

He huffed a small, sad laugh through his nose before turning to look out across the great expanse of the water. “The ocean keeps calling to me, but I can’t go back without my skin. I can’t remember what it's like not to miss it, but every day that I stay here, I forget what it ever felt like to be…Well, me.”

“But if it’s like that, then why did you…” Cameron worried his bottom lip with his teeth, “With me?”

Harrison wasn’t sure how to respond to that. It was like being asked why he breathed or got out of bed in the morning. If his body was at one with the water, then his heart had found its reflection, one it never knew it was missing until he shared in its home and stayed in its bed just to see it smile back at him. He wished more than anything that he could simply swim in the pools of his love’s eyes forever. 

“Because when I was with you, I could forget everything else…and only remember everything that was important. I felt like myself again, but nothing’s me anymore. Not really. I don’t know how to be a human without being a seal.” 

His nose wrinkled, the way it used to when he dived to keep the water out. The sensation felt foreign in this body, so he smoothed it out, but a brisk sniff pulled it tight again. He ploughed on, not understanding what had come over him. “A-And I don’t think I can be a seal again w-without you guys.”

Suddenly, Harrison was hyper-aware of how laboured his breathing had become. Air punched its way out with every exhale and scraped against his throat with every intake. He tried to force it under control, but his face went numb. Pinpricks assaulted his skin and then his eyes. Even his chin trembled along with his nose, leaving his mouth jittering out of control. 

His voice cracked wide open with a sob. “D-does any of that make sense?”

Harrison tried to choke out a helpless please, but the word wouldn’t come. Instead, his vision blurred, apologies bubbled out of him and- 

Cameron rushed to his side, ignoring the sharp crack as his knees met the floor, and buried Harrison in a bruising hug. The selkie curled around him instinctively, burrowing impossibly further into the cup of Cameron’s shoulder despite his attempts to push him away. At the slightest movement, Cam rocked with him, following along but refusing to let go until Harrison gave in and melted into his shirt. 

“That was a lot better than your earthquake analogy,” Cameron mused, shielding the selkie’s face with his arm. A low, hollow laugh skimmed across the waves of Harrison’s hair. “Should have known no human could come up with something like that.”

After all, wasn’t that why Cameron loved him?

Fuck.

Harrison had cried before, but it had never consumed him from within. Never wracked his bones and stole his voice as it did now. He couldn’t quite get his head around the point of it. As with their choice phrase, ‘fine then, but just one’, why wouldn’t humans express how they felt? 

Like when they cried because they found something so hilarious they refused to admit it, were happier than words could contain, or needed help but were too afraid to ask. His two companions had been the hardest to understand, doing neither despite how obviously they wanted to until today. Yet he was no better. When Harrison’s body cried for Marcellus, he assumed it was from happiness at seeing him return home. Now, exhausted and terrified, he couldn’t express how he felt either.

So he wept harder, and Cameron hugged him tighter. Perhaps that was the point of it after all.

When his sobs eventually subsided just enough to breathe again, Harrison hiccuped. “I’m-”

“Shut up,” Cam shushed. “It’s me who should be sorry. S’real hard to be angry with you, ya know that?”

If his smile had made Harrison look more like himself than ever before, then this was a Harrison he didn’t recognise at all, and yet… he knew it was the one he had run away from for months.

“Oh. Um, I figured I was making it rather easy. Want me to try harder?”

“Hell no. What I want is for you never to pull that shit again.” He meant it as a joke, but it came out clipped and harsh. With a sigh, he continued more gently, “But I get it… Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same.”

Cameron waited patiently for Harrison to collect himself, holding Tova’s steady gaze over the selkie’s head. It didn’t take a mind reader to know what she was thinking. When Harrison extracted himself with a parting pat on his shoulder, Cameron helped to pull him up to his feet. His hand jolted back when he realised it had slipped into the small of Harrison’s back. Flustered, he raked his bangs back into place, hoping Harrison was none the wiser, but the selkie was too busy clinging onto his sleeve for dear life while he reacquainted himself with having legs.

“Come, let’s make trails before we all catch hypothermia,” Tova said with a clap of her hands, her ‘dear old lady’ routine suddenly in full effect. “It’s been a long day. We’ll figure out what to do when we’re back home with a nice cup of cocoa, and I’ll see if there’s some pickled herring left over from yesterday. What do you say?”

Harrison looked hesitant, but her beaming, grandmotherly grin could move mountains. “Sure… Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let me just grab some stuff.”

Before he could embarrass himself further, Harrison bolted into the cave as fast as his useless feet could carry him, furiously wiping away his tears so that he might return to his usual bright and energetic self that they deserved to see. Cameron remained completely still, as though if he did, Tova might lose him in the darkness and leave him to pretend for just a little while longer. However, Cameron was never a lucky man.

“What are you thinking, sweetheart?” She came close and clasped his biceps to her side as though they were about to go for an afternoon stroll. But when he looked down, he saw her face wiped clean of her facade, watching him like a hawk.

He played innocent. He couldn’t do this, not now. “You mean how my boyfriend is half a seal and can talk to fish? I’m thinking about what kind of car I’m gonna get with the Netflix dough when they make the film. New house, model on each arm-”

She didn’t bite. Her voice went down another octave. “Terry showed you, didn’t he?”

Of course he did. And of course, he had shown Tova too. Terry couldn’t keep a secret to save his life, not about the aquarium, and especially not with such a tantalising mystery to solve. Despite the little ‘uh-huhs’ that even Harrison knew meant to stop talking, Terry had taken the new hire on his very first day and brought him into his strictest confidence. And yet the sight had only lingered in Cameron’s mind for as long as it took Terry to open his locker, give his pre-rehearsed spiel about how incredible it was, and then lock the door again.

But he knew what he saw, even if deep down he wished he hadn’t. It was a sealskin.

A perfectly skinned, and for Terry’s money, impossibly so, sealskin. There was no residue of the flesh that lay underneath the pelt, no imperfections common in taxidermy. Until it was tested, Terry had assumed it was an expertly made replica, but the DNA results told a different story- or so Terry kept explaining while Cameron nodded along in his quest for a pay rise. 

Terry had told him, hadn’t he? The story of how he had found it? Something about going down to document the sea-lions' mating season near the coast and coming across something buried in some alcove or another. Not for the first time in his life, Cameron wished he had paid more attention, but the timeline checked out. So did the science, the appearance, and Cameron’s rotten, fucking luck. The answer to all of Harrison’s problems had been just a few feet and one office door away. All they had to do now was just say the word, and Harrison would be happy again, exactly like they promised. 

And then he would be gone.

Cameron nodded. Once. Sure. “We have to tell him.”

"Of course we do," Tova affirmed gravely. She opened her mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again.

In the distance, Harrison bundled all of his recordings of Cameron’s gigs up in his arms, losing one, and then another, as he tried to fit a crab plushie onto the pile some kids at the aquarium had gifted him. 

Cam felt numb. Those kids had washed his filthy camper to raise the money for it. See? It wouldn’t just be you who missed him- 

“He’ll be so relieved when we tell him.” 

Tova hummed a strained affirmative, her voice trembling just like her body against the biting ocean air. Without thinking, her grandson smoothed his jacket over her, holding it in place with his arm around her back. She ignored how his fingers dug into her, as though she might disappear too.

“It wouldn’t be right to hide it. We can’t do that to him,” he repeated, hollowing himself out of all emotion to bind himself to his word. 

“No, no, of course not...” came the reply. Tova watched as Harrison shoved his book on Hawaii under his arm, then his polaroids, and stopped to give a thumbs-up. “-But this is too much for one day, don’t you think? Maybe we could do it tomorrow, make an evening of it, and really celebrate. I could make him that casserole he likes! And we can get everyone together-”

“-I don’t think I can do it if we wait.”

Cameron regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. Earlier, Tova had truly believed it when she told him he was better than running away, and somehow, he had proven her right. But running away was nothing compared to this. After a beat, he gathered the strength to look at her, expecting to see the disgust he surely deserved. He lasted barely a second. In its place, he met his own devastation mirrored in her watery, brown eyes. He couldn’t bear it; his head snapped away, his shoulders heaving with a hard sob. 

“I lost him for just a few hours, Tova.” His mouth tasted bitter. He tried to face her again, but he could barely lift his chin before it collapsed against his chest. “It was barely ‌one afternoon, and it felt like… I can’t even describe it.”

“Like being a shark stuck in a net?” She tried to joke.

He huffed a dry laugh.

No, it was so much worse, he thought.

Before Cameron could respond, Harrison bounded out of the cave with his rucksack that burst from the seams with all his favourite and most important possessions. Triumphant, he held a fork aloft, announcing he had found his dinglehopper that Avery had sarcastically gifted him for his birthday and started to comb his hair back into place as he rushed back - his tears vanished, wiped away onto his sleeve like nothing had ever happened.

He looked ridiculous.

When Avery had given it to him, Cameron had no idea why, but he played along. He used it to style his bangs into place and fluff up his cow lick before work, all to steal a laugh from Harrison and to trick him into brushing away the remaining lugs and come close enough to steal a kiss. 

For 32 years, the most mortifying thing Cameron Cassmore could ever be called‌, was embarrassing. But for Harrison, he wished he had done one better and become the most embarrassing person Sowell Bay had ever known. Tova had called it the most romantic thing she had ever heard, but he had brushed her off, thinking it was only the place to start.

“I can’t do this. I can’t-… This isn’t fair.” 

Cam cursed how petulant he sounded, but Tova squeezed him closer. “No, it isn’t. The best fairytales often aren’t. But sometimes we can be better than even the stories we tell about ourselves.”

As they walked over the craggy beach, the path back to civilization slowly rose up to greet them between the rocks and washed-up seaweed. The mystical, primordial land where earth met ocean disappeared behind them, swallowed by the night as if it had never existed. With nothing but Cameron’s torch and the far-off lights of town to guide them, its disappearance afforded them the time to rediscover their old camaraderie like nothing world-changing had just happened, but Cameron couldn’t fall back into their natural rhythm, no matter how hard he tried. Eventually, avoidance shifted into the humans’ natural curiosity, softening any lingering incredulity into something begrudgingly practical.  

Could you not fly to Hawaii? Cameron asked. With what passport? Harrison countered. Couldn’t you just swim back home? Harrison howled at that one, although he had looked into purchasing a private boat, spending months working up the courage to click the CAPTCHA ‘are you a human?’ option, after which his hopes quickly sank as he was quoted more zeros than he had fingers.

Tova all but skipped over the driftwood, no longer needing them to prop her up as she did everything she could to hold up their spirits instead. With enough of her probing, Harrison told them everything from how Marcellus got their ring to what his favourite parts of being human were (finally being allowed into art galleries and navigating an obstacle higher than two feet) and the worst (people gave you much more free food as a seal). His weak smile only grew in strength as they stared at him in awe. It was so much better than the blank stares of fish and the bemused glares of strangers he often received, so he regaled them with stories of his life until their chatter overpowered the roar of the sea. To think after all these months, they finally knew him… How could he not tell them of his pod? The luscious Hawaiian beaches and the freshest fish a seal could ask for? But more than just wanting them to understand him, he wanted to share his family with them, especially if this was to be his last opportunity. If they thought he was amazing, just imagine if they met his parents, his sister, or the kind record store owner! So using every word he had learnt, and a few he made up, he painted a picture even grander than he had done with brush and paint.

But with each tale, the distant lights of town slowly grew brighter, welcoming them home and announcing their soon-to-be goodbye. A sense of dread filled Cameron’s chest, his heart racing as he slowed his steps to hold off the inevitable for as long as possible. When he first came into town, he could recognise Ethan’s house from a distance, the aquarium, and maybe the store if he squinted. Later, he learnt the harbour, Avery’s shop and a few choice bakeries when payday rolled by. But now? Now they were more than dots swamped by trees. Every building and road held a memory shared with Harrison, right down to the tarmac on Main Street that never got fixed and the bus that always drove past him as though he’d personally offended its ancestors. Things that would have infuriated him in the past now brought a wry smile to his face, and then something altogether more somber.

He’d never felt attached to a place before, like it was somehow a part of him, yet giving him far more than he could ever return. God, what a fucking sappy thought that was. Brad and Elizabeth would never let him hear the end of it if they could see him now, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was all Harrison’s fault. No one could find joy in the little things like he did and then infect others with it. Every evening, without fail, Harrison would come home with a wild new theory on where the latest tourist had come from, or how wonderful it was that the widower, Mr McCoy, was back tending to his garden. Not wanting to be outdone, Cameron ‌reluctantly joined in. Stepping on the ‘lucky’ pothole that Harrison always jumped in when no one was looking and pointing out, normally more cynically, the parts of the town that even the eagle-eyed Harrison had missed. But despite his best attempts to stay aloof, Harrison always won in the end. The asshole even had the audacity to look so goddamn proud of Cameron when he came home, up to his knees in soil, after fixing McCoy’s old planters. 

But without Harrison there… would he have ever noticed they needed fixing? Worse, would he even have cared? 

Cameron gritted his teeth as Harrison waffled on. It was Harrison’s fault when you thought about it. What the hell was he doing moving in with him, if he knew this was coming? Or for that matter, what was Ethan playing at, butting into his business and encouraging him to go on dates? Or Avery for taking them paddle boarding? This would all be so much easier if Tova, who was happily chatting away while leaving it up to him to tear his own heart out, would just do it for him. But no, it was always down to him. His mother was right; in the end, you could only ever rely on yourself.

But hell, perhaps if his mother had shelled out for a different storybook, it would never have occurred to Cameron that he could hide it in the first place. Of course, he knew the legends of how a human would steal their sealskin to force them to stay on land. It was the same story time and time again. He had shaken his head and tutted at the villain and vowed he could never do such a thing, just like everyone else. Except that is, for his mother, who had closed the book and, with‌ a deathly calm tone, muttered that she would have buried the skin so they would never leave. 

He always brought it up to show how selfish she was. But now? He got it. Cameron had seen firsthand what grief did to people. More and more, he realised just how insidiously it had stolen his mother from him as a child, and until today, had wrecked his grandmother’s life. He knew it was ridiculous of him to compare the two, but that didn’t stop the pounding in his ears as he turned to the others and imagined what it would be like if Harrison was just… gone. He wondered how it would sound if the wind died without his laughter to carry it, and how the sun would feel on his skin if stripped of Harrison’s warmth. Maybe it would turn out the town was a hollow facsimile after all, like a cheap theme park his mom would take him to instead of Disneyland, whose lifeless facade hid how empty the houses had always been- That’s it! He could write a song about it. Fuck knows where those thoughts came from, but desperate times called for being all vulnerable and deep, or whatever shit his exes complained he never was.

He’d show Tova romantic. He’d show Harrison, too. Then just watch him try to leave.  

Working as fast as possible, he tried to hammer them into lyrics that even Barry Mannilow or Michael Buble would call ‘a bit much’. Maybe he could convince him to come to the bar, and the perfect song would come flowing out of him after months of holding it back, all sickly sweet sentiment and couplets on how he’d take the long walk to work just to see the things Harrison had cherished. Yeah, that’s it. Afterwards, he could give him his skin and watch with a cheer as Harrison punted it straight into the garbage, never wanting to leave him again. 

Yeah, okay. This could work. Of course it would. He just had to include the run-down bowling alley they spent his birthday at, their camper where they wasted away hours making out, the shitty aquarium and its hopeless, pathetic cleaner he somehow loved anyway-

Shit. Shit shit shit.

Just… Shit.

He… He really couldn’t tell him where it was. 

Harrison had said there was only half of Harrison Knott without his sealskin, but without Harrison, Cameron wasn’t sure who he was anymore.

A voice, gentle and concerned, dragged him out of his thoughts with such a jolt that he almost gave his neck whiplash. “Cameron?”

“Hm?” His eyes widened like a deer trapped in the headlights.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s cool.” Harrison threw out his arms as best he could while carrying everything and gestured to himself. “See? I got out of it alright.”

“Oh, y-yeah. Yeah. Gonna outlive the cockroaches with your luck.”

Tova shot Cameron a withering look that turned into something more worried when Cameron didn’t react. She must have known he wasn’t listening as she repeated without an ounce of subtlety, “So, Harrison, when the storm back in Hawaii washed you ashore, then what happened?”

“Oh! Simple. You guys!” he exclaimed. It barely registered in his haze, but Cameron was an expert on Harrison now. He could hear how tired and thin his voice was as he heroically powered through. “Well, humans. The tidal wave got me good against the rocks, but the next morning all these people in suits came and found me.” Guilt ran across his face as he jiggled his rucksack on his back. “I’m ashamed to admit it, but I tried to bite a couple of them. I don’t know what I thought they were going to do that could be any worse than dying out there, but… My higher thinking, as you call it, ain't always the best as a seal.”

“Wait”, Cameron interrupted, speeding up so he could pirouette and stare at them both face to face as he walked backwards. “You almost died!?”

Tova rolled her eyes. She tried.

But Harrison was used to him zoning out. Fond amusement crinkled his barely-there crow's feet, even if his smile didn’t quite meet them. “Yeah. Between that, the car that nearly hit me and that power cable, I’ve had a lot of near-death experiences, hey?” Cameron pointedly tried not to remember it. “Thankfully, they took me to a sanctuary over there and then transferred me all the way to Sowell for rehab as a‌ part of their attempts to boost the local seal population. They had no way of knowing what I really was, but they took really good care of me, and I’m… As you said, I’m l-lucky. I have you guys after all.”

He certainly didn’t look like someone who felt lucky. He took a deep breath and forced a smile again, all teeth and wiry, tired muscle as their eyes met. It took a moment for Harrison’s mind to catch up with what he had just said, but Cameron caught the exact moment when Harrison dropped his gaze to his feet, and then out to the sea. 

Harrison walked slower than Cameron had done, a fact Cameron only realised as he and Tova fell further and further behind. His feet scraped the ground, barely lifting off the earth as they begrudgingly followed their orders to keep going. Cameron could only watch on helplessly as the selkie tried to find that smile again, steadfastly refusing to look at them again until he did.

Harrison was his boyfriend. Cam should say something profound that would make everything better, something… Just something. However, none of his sappy thoughts were coming to him. His emotions were fried, and his selfish heart was beating loudly in his chest, trying to inch its way up his throat to stop him from saying anything. He felt like a jailer bringing back a prisoner from leave to live out the rest of his life sentence. However, Sowell wasn’t a prison to him; Harrison had shown him day after day how much he adored it. Cameron just had to remind him, so instead, he peered out over Sowell and did as Harrison had taught him to do, and really looked.

“Hey, see that?” He pointed to a small collection of fairy lights on the hill. “Looks like it’s Amy’s birthday. She’s what, like, ten now?”

Harrison didn’t turn to look. He sounded completely disinterested as he hummed along in a monotone drawl. “Hm. Oh yeah, I guess so. That’s nice.”

Arm still outstretched, Cameron could feel it tremble. “She’ll be coming to the shop tomorrow, right? ‘Sure, she’d love to see you before you go. Maybe we can go past Lena’s house on the way back and see if Barnie is home from the vet’s?”

Cameron and Tova exchanged desperate looks as Harrison remained quiet; none of it held any interest for him now. She cottoned on to Cameron’s ploy instantly. The selkie loved that family; they came by the store every week and listened as he acted out Hawaiian legends while making their inevitably burnt coffee. It was such a dumb, small thing… But Harrison had never not cared before. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Cam looked between his two companions.

He didn’t wait for Tova’s reaction; he just tapped on his phone, letting muscle memory do the work as he kept his eyes on Harrison as much as he could. 

After a furious series of presses, he hesitated, his thumb hovering in mid-air. It was as though he’d been possessed and freed again just as quickly as he blinked away a mist.

He lowered his phone and tapped the corner rhythmically against his chest, using the steady beat to ground himself as his voice wavered, “Wanna go to the bar for open mic? I’ll grab my guitar and see if Greg got that cask that you like?” 

Saying it out loud, he heard how ridiculous his plan was. Cameron hated sounding like that kind of guy, but he didn’t know what else to do.

Harrison winced. “Only if you want to,” he sighed, as if it took every ounce of remaining energy just to move his mouth. “I… I think I just want to be with you guys. They’ll probably just laugh at me. I look like a wreck.”

Being laughed at had never bothered him before. He no longer had the strength to pretend. The selkie looked defeated. Lost, and worst of all, completely hopeless. He tried to put a brave face on it, but Cameron could tell he had lost all faith in finding his skin if the tide had taken it. He had promised him, hadn’t he?

What about the camper? Tova’s? Ethan’s?

He tried one last time. But said nothing.

Cameron had steadfastly spent his life forcing himself not to care about where his mother was or what she was doing. It had been the only way for him to function, if that’s what he could call it. But to lose the people who were in his life? If Aunt Jeanie wasn’t on the other end of the phone, or if his stoic, hard-ass supervisor wasn’t by his side? Cameron knew precisely how Harrison felt, thousands of miles away from home.

The sound died on the wind, warmth dissipated under the cold gaze of the moon, and Sowell Bay sat hovering over all of it, waiting for its prize prisoner to be returned to his gilded cage. Cameron saw the entire rest of their lives together. In all honesty, Cameron didn’t think he needed to say anything. Harrison wouldn’t leave. Not with Tova hugging his arm and him walking by his side once again. All he needed was one final push to stay.

Cameron looked down at his phone, his thumb resting over the picture on the lock screen, and he clicked send.

Chapter 5

No matter the circumstances, the Sowell Bay Aquarium was always a welcome sight. While the rest of the town was dead to the world, the harbour groaned into life as the three returned from their journey, with Tova expertly doing what she thought herself incapable of: filling the awkward silence with senseless chatter. The selkie merely grunted along, while Cameron, who was compulsively checking his phone, didn’t even manage that. 

Ready to get this ordeal over with, Harrison led the way to the parking lot, keeping his head down and letting the street markings guide him back. Once he got there, he heard the ‘beep’ of Tova’s door unlocking; however, the feet behind him stopped. Cameron's hand was on Tova's arm, halting her in her tracks. He shook his head.  

To Harrison’s surprise, Tova didn’t seem annoyed. Instead, she looked surprised, and then… relieved? Proud?

Whatever it was, Harrison was done with surprises for the day, and definitely done with mysteries. Mysteries needed solving, action - Whereas all he wanted to do was to lie down and rest. Exhausted, he barely recognised his own weary voice. “Guys, we gotta go.” 

Cameron didn’t even look to him as he mumbled, “Yeah, soon. We just gotta do one last thing,” he said simply. “P-promise.”

We promised.

“Cam, do we have to? W-what’s going on?” It was obvious that they were hiding something. Logically, he knew it was just his tiredness talking, but after catching their private glances all afternoon, he couldn’t shake the creeping feeling that they were already shutting him out. He tried to sound firm. “I told you. I have to leave. This is hard enough as it is. Can we please just go?”

Hearing the desperation in his voice, they did hear him, loud and clear. Cameron draped his hands over Harrison’s shoulders, rubbing soft circles into the hard knot of muscle. It scared him how easily Harrison seemed to relax against his touch. How simple it would be to lead him by the hand and whisk him back to their camper, where this could all be written off as a bad dream.

“I know, I know.” He hushed. “Just five minutes, that’s all it’ll take.”

Not seeing he had much of a choice, or if he just didn’t have the energy to argue, Harrison nodded.

“Yeah? Okay. Okay. Five minutes, that’s all I need. Promise.”

There was no backing out now. Cameron let go of him slowly, as if he might topple over any second. Tova immediately stepped in, looping her arm through their friend's and guiding him toward the aquarium. Or at least, that’s where Harrison assumed they were going. He put one foot in front of the other and mindlessly followed her while Cameron surged on ahead to wrestle with the front door, cursing under his breath as his hands refused to keep the key steady. 

Eventually, the door opened, and Cameron led them through the spotless halls of the aquarium, twisting his way past Marcellus’s empty tank where he’d written Harrison’s true name all those hours ago, and following the yellow path that normally led to the amphibians before taking a sharp turn to the employee-only door. 

Cam was so hurried that Harrison could only catch the back of his hoodie, keeping to a steady pace so he didn’t leave Tova behind. Or so he told himself as she pulled him along. He was uneasy; the overbearing lights gave him a headache. Harrison had grown used to not knowing what was going on, but even the fish seemed agitated. Normally, the aquarium was his haven. For just $89.99 a year, it let him exist in the present, watching his fellow sea creatures live out their lives without a care in the world. It was serene, grounding. But now he could only see himself behind the glass, doomed to go around in circles for the rest of his days. 

But he couldn’t think like that. Cameron’s hands were steadier now. The door opened with ease; however, as Harrison walked through, suddenly he was pulled back by the arm. At first, it was bruising. Then it softened, lingering on the feel of the cotton as though memorising it with the tips of his fingers, before falling away completely.

Whatever had happened went unspoken as Cameron trudged on ahead to the back wall, which was lined with a row of staff lockers.

Cam rubbed the back of his neck, giving his announcement all the pizzazz of an underpaid, under-liquored understudy. “Okay. Okay. Uh - yeah. This is it.” 

He motioned to the door in the middle, locked with a padlock. Nothing happened. “Um… Tova?”

“Yes?” She asked.

“What’s Terry’s combination?”

Her free hand met her hip in a flash. “How am I supposed to know? What kind of thief do you take me for?”

“I thought you were close!” he protested. 

“Wait, this is what you brought me in for?” Harrison was incredulous. It wasn’t often that the selkie was incredulous, but each word made his headache throb.

“Yeah, yeah,” Cam waved his hand dismissively, still squarely fixed on Tova. “But come on, he told you everything. We can’t wait for Terry-”

Oh. Harrison knew that petulant, adorable whine anywhere. So that was it. After everything Harrison had done, they were giving him a going-away party? 

He couldn’t believe it. However, he had seen Cameron’s last attempt at one of these, and his ‘just five minutes’ felt painfully more optimistic by the second. Unsure if it was him or the room that was spinning, Harrison was dead on his feet. He felt awful for being so ungrateful, but being back in the aquarium was overwhelming enough; there was no way he could handle playing games. 

“Guys, thanks for trying. But I don’t think I can do another escape room right now. Can we save all that crying from last time for tomorrow, Cam?”

He didn’t mean anything by it, but Tova turned around with a purposeful, haunting ease that would have made Michael Myers quake in fear.

“You didn’t-”

“I didn’t cry!” he glowered. “It was the air conditioning. And no, of course this isn’t an escape room, it’s-”

Ugh. Okay, maybe he cried a little. But who could blame him when Harrison was there making paper planes out of the instructions? Failure was not an option; he had a perfect record on these things, and he wasn’t about to let Harrison rearranging half the room (and losing half the clues in the process) stop him. Besides, despite an unnecessarily angry email and the bill that definitely brought tears to his eyes, they had completed it… Kind of. Just before the clock ran out, with a show of superhuman strength, Harrison took the safe by the handle and wrenched it open, without a single digit of the code sussed out. The cheating shit didn’t even have the gall to be ashamed of himself as he gratefully shook the attendant's hand for ‘keeping his boyfriend entertained’ on his triumphant way out.

That’s it! Bingo. Harrison, you evil, idiotic genius.

“Tova, pass me that screwdriver.”

Knowing better than to ask where he’d learnt to jimmy a lock, his grandmother didn’t need to be asked twice. The screwdriver wedged into place, and he slammed his weight into it. It merely creaked. Not daring to meet Tova’s wilting gaze, he went to try again. And again. On the third attempt, his grandmother joined in, pulling on the door with a ferocity that would have made her Viking ancestors proud.

For as drained as Harrison was, seeing his loved ones move in sync, like a school of darting fish, brought a small smile to his face. Although that didn’t stop him from crossing his arms as he rested against the wall, muttering to himself. “So when I did it, it was cheating, but it’s okay when he does it?”

Harrison thought he heard his voice's half-hearted offer to help, but Cameron was adamant that he had to do this. Finally, on the count of three, they punched it into place. Once. Twice. And then something broke. 

The door jangled in place, but it was loose. They pulled it together with an almighty heave, sending them both flying back. It opened.

Harrison gave the duo a weary but genuine fist-pump in the air at their success; however, when he saw Cameron suddenly turn pale and Tova struggle to catch her breath, he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to celebrate, so he ‘woo-hoo’ed quietly, just in case. If nothing else, Harrison had to admit this was better than their last escape room. Shorter, at least, and definitely more exciting than the riddles that Harrison figured out in seconds but kept to himself, to let Cameron continue to have his ‘fun’. 

“Is that it?” he asked, unable to hide how hopeful he was. “What did you win?” 

Cameron was quiet for a moment. Harrison assumed he was just recovering, but the response barely pierced the hum of the electrics. “Have a look.”

Pushing himself off the wall, Harrison stepped forward and froze.

He let out a gasp- a slight tremble seized Harrison by the shoulders, and picked up force as quickly as it covered ground. Unable to watch, Cameron glued his eyes to the floor, trying to block out everything around him; however, he couldn’t ignore the deathly silence that fell upon them all. That is, until he heard the selkie’s knees knocking together, softly thumping along to Cameron’s own racing heart as it finally broke. 

Bang.

That got Cameron’s attention.

The locker door groaned as Harrison caught himself against the frame, all the strength rushing out of his legs. He took a feeble, failed attempt to breathe, but all that came out was a broken, ragged whimper. He hesitated, and then, deferentially, he reached inside and picked it up.

Not even a great Shakespearean actor, about to pour his soul into a soliloquy over poor Yorick, would have held an object with such reverence. But Harrison didn’t need a monologue anymore; he only needed two words: “It’s me.”

Cradling the sealskin like a newborn babe, he basked in every detail. It had been so long that he barely recognised himself, but slowly he rediscovered the face he knew best of all, reflected in the clear, pure oceans of Hawaii. It was him, alright. Those enormous eyes, the feel of his soft fur, the salty smell of the sea, and not a single new mark was on it. Whatever had happened, it had been looked after, cared for, just as he had been. It looked like he had just been sleeping this whole time, nestled away in its own personal, metal cave, waiting for him to return.

Taking it into his chest, just above his heart, Harrison kissed its head again and again. Slowly, he descended into a squat, curled up over his skin, and started to cry. 

But Tova had been right; it was okay. He knew what he was crying for now.

Cameron couldn’t quite believe he had done it. He watched on, completely numb, while all he wanted to do was curl up into an even tighter ball than Harrison and wait for everyone to leave. He had been angry, depressed, and utterly defeated before, but never had he felt this empty as he willingly let the love of his life go. And yet, what choice was there? 

On the walk back to Sowell, he had seen his future- whether it was growing old in the same run-down camper, jobless and skint, or the idyllic, domestic dream sold to him by retail catalogues and his aunt’s Hallmark movies. It was likely the same fantasy old sailors imagined centuries ago when they kept their selkie brides trapped on land. Until Harrison, Cameron had never thought of himself as a romantic. But no matter how beautiful any dream life was, he could never picture Harrison smiling in it without his sealskin. 

If his grandmother could let go of Marcellus, he could do this for Harrison. It was a small, much-needed consolation, but at least he could look forward to her inevitable gloating that she was right all along; he really was a better person than he thought.

Eventually, Harrison clambered to his feet, holding his skin just as tight. The tears were still there, but they were already drying, replaced by that long-missing smile. Ear to ear, every tooth dazzling under the low light of the office. If that was the future Cameron lost, but Harrison gained? He could live with that.

“Cam… Tova… I don’t know what to say… Thank you-”

It was Tova who approached first. She lovingly looked down at her old friend and her new one and mused, “Ah, so that’s where my little companion went. You know, you were more house-trained back then.”

It snuck up on him, and before he knew it, Harrison found himself bubbling with laughter, “Still spunky though?”

“Oh, yes. That one never changed.”

Carefully, she hugged him to her, his skin safe between them, but before Cameron had to consider what to do next, the office door swung wide open.

It was Ethan and Avery, and boy, did Avery look distinctly unimpressed at being awake at this hour. Her sleep hoodie bundled over a second sweatshirt tied at her waist for warmth, she held onto her coffee like a lifeline. Ethan, on the other hand, was thrilled to see people embracing the joys of late-night partying. If his rosy cheeks and toothy grin were anything to go by, he had already made a start to the evening’s festivities… Whatever they were. 

“Ah. There you are, Laddy!” he cheered, a bottle of his finest whiskey held aloft like a knight returning home victorious from conquest. “We got your text. What are we celebrating?”

“Celebrating?” To Avery’s annoyance, her voice barely registered surprise. Still half asleep, her expression hardened into a look only the mother of a teenager could wield. “Cam, you said this was an emergency-”

Avery turned to everyone in the room, momentarily taken aback by just how frankly horrific they looked, and how stunned Harrison and Tova were that they were standing there at all. Infuriatingly, Cameron just shrugged with that lackadaisical smile that only close friends could use to worm their way out of a lie.

“It’s both. Kinda.” He looked to Harrison, who nodded his consent. He cleared his throat. “Can I have the great honour of introducing you to Sowell Bay’s very real and spunky resident selkie?” 

Harrison gave them a wave, and upon being greeted with the blankest of expressions, he held his seal-form’s flipper and waved it too with a bark. 

Neither of them moved a muscle, except to bring the whisky closer to Ethan’s lips. Tova walked over to them and led them to the corner of the room, both of them too stunned to do anything but follow. “I think an explanation wouldn’t go amiss”, she directed straight at Cameron. He didn’t get his tact from her side of the family, that’s for sure. 

While she briefed the two newcomers, Cameron took the opportunity to speak to Harrison in private. “I wanted you to see them before you had to go”, he explained. “They all came out for you, Harrison.”

“Y-yeah, they did.” His voice wavered, so he faked a cough until it evened out. “Although I think Avery may kill you if she doesn’t believe me.”

“She’ll be fine… I hope. Tova can be very… persuasive.”

Between points in her story, Avery and Ethan stole quick glances towards them. Ethan already knew the legends, and honestly, they made a great deal more sense than his previous theories about his favorite employee. As Avery felt a migraine coming on, she refrained from rolling her eyes. Yup. That grown-ass adult man was a seal, alright. She should be more concerned by how easily she believed him, but she’d seen Harrison choke on enough mackerels that he tried (and failed) to swallow whole that it all clicked into place. 

While they talked, Cameron petted the sealskin, carefully, as though in apology. How could something so innocuous cause all this? As he did, Harrison beamed at the care he showed it, a low purr humming in his chest. 

“Hey man, look,” said Cameron. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was yours. Or… or I wouldn’t have put you through-”

Shit, where did he begin? For not figuring it out earlier, or for even considering trapping him on land? But there wasn’t time for any of them when Ethan knocked the wind out of them, stealing Harrison from him and exclaiming, “My fellow Scot! Come here.” 

He didn’t have the heart to correct him. Instead, Harrison went along with Ethan’s hearty bear-hug and bounced on the spot like an excited bunny, with all the emotion of the last few gruelling months having nowhere to go but out of his toes, muttering the whole time “Thank you, thank you” into his boss’s Grateful Dead shirt. The whisky sloshed about, staining it once again, but he didn’t care, and Harrison was too overcome to notice.

Who needed to rely on fairytales and legends when he had these people right here? 

Once Ethan finally let him go, Harrison turned to his paddleboard buddy and somehow collected himself enough to remember his manners. “D-do you hug?”

A laugh burst out of her. “On this occasion. But just one- Ah!”

His whole face lit up. Just one? Oh, humans, he knew that game. He took her in his arms and spun her around, his clumsy feet moving without him. “Harrison!” Avery screamed, giggling through it. “God, dude, stop, you’re gonna make me puke. I said just one-” 

So he jumped higher. It hit him all at once: it was over. He was free. 

He knew it was wrong of him; however, as he watched Harrison celebrate with his friends, Cameron couldn’t help the hurt that gnawed away at him. His jaw flexed. Standing alone, he warred with himself to keep looking pleased for him. Happy. Even as Harrison didn’t seem to care back. The thought crept back into his mind, the cruel but constant voice he couldn’t silence: it wasn’t fair. Harrison wasn’t his to keep, and yet Harrison would always own a piece of him.

As Avery stumbled out of Harrison’s grasp, he turned to Cameron. Something in his expression gave Harrison pause, but before Cam could react, the selkie crushed him to his chest. Not knowing what else to do, Cameron untangled his arms just enough to pat him awkwardly on the shoulders as Harrison’s infectious joy became nothing short of unstoppable. It was its own kind of magic, one Harrison had performed countless times before, when his watery, exhausted giggle burst from his lungs and brought a genuine, if bittersweet smile back to Cameron’s face. What Harrison’s touch could do for Tova’s leg, his laughter did for Cameron’s broken heart. 

“I’m going home! I’m actually going home!” Harrison practically vibrated with every word. “Thank you! Oh God, thank you, guys! What would I do without you all?”

At that, the hopping slowly died down. From over Cameron’s shoulder, Tova’s eyes met Harrison’s, wet and, she thought, afraid. Cameron had been wrong; he was still crying. 

A gentle breeze caressed Harrison’s face, coaxing him toward the water, drawing to a close his time in the human world. Out on the far end of the pier, they returned to the spot where they had sat hours earlier, freeing Marcellus from his captivity and returning him home, just as he had paved the way for Tova and Cameron to find theirs… That is, with a little help from a certain, reluctantly interfering selkie. 

At the time, Marcellus’s last-ditch ploy of writing his name in the sand had felt like signing away his death warrant. Everything he had been taught about his place in the world rested on keeping order in the ocean and the humans away, but while he had tried (and failed) to hide his skin from them, Harrison Knott had never been one to hide his heart.

And now, thanks to Marcellus, he returned to this spot with his dearest friends by his side to see him miraculously back home. 

He had lived a hundred lifetimes in these last few hours, and several more since coming to Sowell Bay, and now, looking out into the great unknown he once knew so well, Harrison felt his heart soar. Yet, after thanking Ethan for giving him a job and introducing him to the wonders of whisky and the Grateful Dead, and reminiscing with Avery about long evenings scouring the beach for lost treasure and their gladiatorial paddleboard oars fights, he found himself completely lost. Everything had built towards this moment. The thing he wanted most was finally within reach. But instead of grabbing it with both hands, he only clutched Tova’s hand tighter.

The thought of putting this off crossed his mind. Cameron had joked that his sealskin was the only thing on earth with rounder cheeks than him; however, it didn’t help to ease Harrison’s worry that maybe they wouldn’t recognise him amongst a pod of normal seals. After a few years, would they even remember him or simply think he was some shared delusion and relegate him to a footnote in their story? Maybe so, but whatever happened, he was just glad to have walked in their shoes for a while, even if he never got used to wearing them. He thought it selfish, but he hoped the town would remember its loyal shop assistant and miss him, at least for a little while. 

As Harrison was finally about to slip back into the skin he was born in, the rest huddled a few metres behind him, shielding him from any would-be onlookers. He hadn’t yet brought himself to say goodbye to Tova and Cameron.

“So. This is it”, Cam said as casually as possible. He did everything he could to see Harrison off with a smile, so that he wouldn’t worry about them. Generously, Harrison let him think it worked.

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

Tova came close and squeezed his arm. “You behave now, you hear? Give your family a big hug for me when you see them.”

She said it with such certainty, Harrison almost believed her. “I will,” the selkie vowed. “I’ll… I’ll tell them everything. Thank you, Ms Sullivan.”

“Tova,” she tutted. “I think we’re a bit past that now, Mr Knott.”

He giggled gently. God, she was so like his grandmother. Not for the first time, he thought she would make an excellent selkie. “Tova, then…” His head dipped with a shy grin. “Yeah, I don’t think I can do it, Ms Sullivan.”

She kissed his forehead. Their hands remained connected while she softly patted the sealskin as she had done countless times before, and then stepped back, letting her grandson have his time alone.

They didn’t say anything at first, barely daring to make eye contact. While Harrison struggled to put the enormity of feeling into words, Cameron simply struggled to speak at all. They awkwardly shifted their weight between their feet in an even slower dance than Harrison was used to at Cameron’s gigs. Their mouths opened ‌and then closed again in unison to let the other go first.

“C-Cameron.” Harrison glanced down at his hand and sighed. During an extended trip to the bathroom, he had written his speech on his palm, determined to get it perfect. Unfortunately, sweat smudged it into a giant, black blob. “Um, look… I am so sorry about leaving without saying-”. He squinted, trying to salvage anything of use. “Y-you deserved better-”

The black clouds parted, and for a split second, the silver moon caught the nervous sheen of sweat. The way his crow's feet deepened when he concentrated, and the slight dilation of his pupils whenever he gazed upon Cameron’s lips as he did then.

Cameron kissed him, forcing the apology back down. Thin lips, just as uncoordinated as Harrison’s, slid across his mouth, slotting back into place as though they had never been apart. Harrison froze. So too did Cameron. He hadn’t planned on it, couldn’t even remember leaning in, and if he dared to open his eyes, he would have seen Harrison’s open wide in shock. Neither of them pushed, unsure if they had the right to anymore; rather, they imperceptibly swayed as one, breathing in each other's air as though it had to last them a lifetime. Now that was what coming home felt like.

The slightest twitch of muscle cut short the stillness, and an icy breeze filled the growing space between them as Cam pulled back, just an inch. But before he could apologise for his outburst, Harrison grabbed him by the string of his hoodie and deepened the kiss, begging for entrance with each swipe of his tongue. If this was his last opportunity to show the depth of his love, then he was going to make sure Cameron drowned in it.

And Cameron deliriously welcomed him in with a shuddering, punched-out noise, halfway between a joyous laugh and a wrecked sob. It didn’t matter what it was; Harrison wanted all of it. He drank them all in, transforming each sound into his own tiny moans of pleasure that Cameron committed to memory as if his very existence depended on it. 

When the kiss ran out of oxygen, Harrison forced himself to meet his eyes. “Look, Cam, you keep being nice, but I can’t go without saying sorry. It was selfish of me to stay as long as I did...”

“No- Harrison, don’t you get it? If you’re selfish, then God help me because then I am so selfishly in love with you.” Cam grabbed him by the shoulders. Empathetically punching out each word so that they would hit with an almost physical power. “You are everything I ever imagined in a selkie, and so much more than I dreamed of in a partner, but Harrison, your life is so much bigger than mine. I would have loved to be a part of it, but I can't - not if it means you have to give any of it up for me. So no more apologies, alright? Just thank you. Thank you for letting me share in it for a while.” 

Harrison couldn’t believe it. He stared at him in abject awe, like he was some sort of ‌divine angel from human legend, not just another, everyday thirty-something deadbeat. He had never felt so truly lucky.

“Just promise me one thing?” Harrison asked, his voice catching in his throat.

“Anything.”

“Don’t stop being you. Don’t stop writing your music, or noticing the little things.” His voice started to break. “A-and never stop loving. It has led you to the most incredible pod-”

It was reflexive. “And to you.”

“And to me,” Harrison choked. “I-I don’t think I would have survived without it.”

At that, Cam exhaled as if he’d been punched. How was he supposed to respond to something so corny? Nothing in his life prepared him for corny, or for that matter, sincerity. Cameron wasn’t sure he knew what Harrison saw in him that could inspire such a thing, but even he couldn’t question it when he kept kissing down every attempt to contradict. So eventually, he just gave up. And allowed himself to melt into Harrison’s arms with a defeated, shattered sob against his lips.

“I- I don’t know what to say, Harrison.”

Harrison’s breath tickled against his skin. “What does that Shakespeare of yours say?”

Cameron bumped his forehead against his, closing his eyes. He spoke straight into him, low and gravelly, as though he were an ancient oceanic god returning his life to him with every word. “... I know no ways to mince it in love, but directly to say, I love you.”

He whispered those three words as though he had just discovered them resting there on the tip of his tongue, in the depths of his heart. With no more secrets between them, he felt their truth. He knew. He always did.

Cam heard it before he felt it. His Harrison once more, nuzzling his head into his neck like he used to do when he was drunk. A strangled, almost purr that yipped like a puppy vibrated along his tendons, a pale but genuine imitation of a seal’s contented burr. When he chuckled, it felt like he was blowing bubbles through his skin, making it pop out in goosebumps. 

Harrison nervously bit at his lip, searching Cam’s face for inspiration. The problem was, he had too much of it. "I-I… I don’t know what to say either.”

Luckily for him, Cameron did. He slipped his hand into Harrison’s pocket and brought out his portable cassette player. The tape inside made his eyes soften before he placed one earbud in Harrison’s ear and the other in his. 

“You already have.”

He pressed play. 

Confused, Harrison listened as intently as he could. The old cassette whirled into life, a cacophony of claps and applause boomed against his eardrums, and Cameron’s crooning rendition of Radiohead cut through it. However, that wasn’t why he played it. Harrison had this almost supernatural ability to transport himself back to a time and place where he had heard a song, remembering every detail as though he was experiencing it firsthand. Between the singing and the audience, Harrison made out his own voice, cheering away. Cameron must have caught it too, as a lopsided, watery smirk hooked his lips. 

On the tape, Harrison’s euphoric applause drowned out the entire bar’s attempt to keep up. He hooted and hollered, cheering him on and rousing their neighbours to join in the chants Cam’s name like he was Bowie or the Beatles. 

“You gave me the happiest day of my life without even trying. M’not gonna lie, this hurts. But just listen to that song, and I’ll be there.”

The earbuds kept them connected while Harrison bathed in the memory. Harrison may have got a handle on the intricacies of human speech, but Cameron had also learnt how to speak the selkie’s language. 

When Harrison didn’t respond, Cam asked soothingly. “Where are you now?”

Harrison cupped Cam’s cheek, his thumb tracing the swell of his cheekbone. Not pushing, just grounding himself to both moments. “Right here”, he said. Confident. Like he always would be. 

They gave the words time to settle between them, Harrison slowly returning from the haze of the music, until eventually it was time to go. He dropped the bud from his ear and returned the cassette to Cameron, who promised to return it to the cave, where they could return to listen to it whenever they needed it. 

Once it was securely away, Cameron’s voice lowered an octave, his hands clutching him so he couldn’t disappear without telling, no, urging him, “Even if we're not together, you'll always have a home here, you know that, right? Come visit anytime. I’ll recognise you.”

Harrison tried his best to smirk. “Well, maybe I won’t recognise you. What if you grow a patchy beard? All you humans look the same to me.”

His eyes widened in mock indignation, “I can grow an excel-”

But before he could fully respond, Harrison anchored his hand in Cameron’s hair and brought him close. The selkie rubbed his nose into his, flaring his nostrils in a sniffled ‘kiss’ as he breathed in his smell. “There”, he whispered. “Now I’ll always be able to find you.”

“Dude, you’re so weird”, Cameron tittered warmly.

Harrison winked. “I know. You love it.”

Cameron huffed a bittersweet laugh. He didn’t mean to give him the satisfaction of agreeing, but he said it anyway. Tenderly, Harrison whispered one last ‘I love you’ to his lips and let go. Tova came to Cameron’s side as Harrison skipped back and swiftly turned around. He was ready now. Without wasting another second, he undid his belt with three clumsy, harsh tugs and yanked his pants and underwear down together, shimmying out of them like a tequila-fuelled striptease.

“Dude, what the fuck!” Cameron shielded Tova to his side like a cheesy action hero, pirouetting clumsily like two drunk dancers.

“Oh dear, no- nope! Didn’t need to see that.” Tova muttered to herself, closing her eyes so tightly that her whole face scrunched up with it.

From the distance, Avery shouted, “Don't get us fucking arrested, weirdo!”

Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look. 

But dammit, Cameron really wanted to. As the belt buckle hit the deck with a resounding clank, he felt Tova laugh into his shirt, and at the base of the pier, Ethan watched all of it and took another swig of his whisky, toasting ‌a true honorary Scotsman. God help him, if Harrison didn’t hurry up, Cameron might fling himself into the ocean first.

After a bit more rustling, he could faintly hear Harrison’s breathing speed up. Excited little pants that grew into something deeper with each passing second. Heavy and rasping as though it wasn’t quite used to how this throat worked. In the distance, Ethan was mouthing something, or at least attempting to. Cam squinted. It looked a bit like ‘fuck’. Then the old Scot pointed.

“Arf! Arf!”

There he was. A seal. 

A fucking seal, rolling around on top of Harrison’s old clothes like it was the greatest thing that had ever happened under the stars. They stared down from on high, sharing in his delight as they twinkled their tiny spotlights, which did nothing to capture his unbridled ecstasy in that moment.

He housed the entire spectrum from white to black within his fur. His speckled spots clustered around his snout and fanned out under his long whiskers like someone had waved a paintbrush of white and eggshell paint over him in admonishment. It was as Cameron followed their path down his back that Cameron realised the spots mirrored the freckles of his human skin when he caught the sun for too long. He had been right back at the cave: this was insane.

Gloriously and beautifully insane. 

“Arf! Arfarfarf!”

The seal bounded up and down, clapping his flippers together in glee. Snaking his body across the pier, he galumphed at top speed, all three ferocious miles per hour, directly at ‌the humans and bunted his nose to their legs in small, little sniffling kisses. It tickled, which just made him do it more. Avery all but pounced on him, petting him like a dog, and smooshing his cheeks together as though it were taffy. Cam had never seen his friend such a bundle of excitement, but whatever she was doing worked as Harrison chirped up at her, his tongue lolling out until, almost instinctually, he rolled onto his back and showed them his tummy.

God, Cameron thought, I sure know how to pick ‘em.

“I love him,” Avery deadpanned. “If you ever need fish, you come to me, got it?”

Ethan sank to his rickety knees. He gave a few solid pats that made the seal’s belly jiggle. “Ah think of the business we could have drawn with a seal on the cash register.”

When Tova and Cameron didn’t immediately join in, Harrison slapped his stomach at the great indignity and grunted. In a daze, Cameron did as ordered, tutting, “Yeah, yeah, you’re cute. Get over it.” 

Seeing was one thing, but feeling the soft texture of his fur was another. When he scratched behind the seal’s ear, he nuzzled into Cam’s hand, looking up at him with the widest, darkest eyes. He couldn’t read them like he could when he was human, but Cameron thought he knew what that low, deep purr, reserved just for him, meant. He still sounded like the Harrison he loved, snuggled up warm and safe in bed after a hard day’s work. 

On Avery’s suggestion, they took a selfie with him. It wasn’t often Cameron agreed to have his picture taken, but for once he readily conceded, not even bothering to check his hair in his phone. The light dazzled the seal as the flash went off, recoiling dramatically as if lightning had struck him. With a few more tummy scratches, he recovered from his ordeal and suddenly whipped his head around, out towards the ocean. What was that?

Harrison sniffed the air, closing his eyes to reacquaint himself with the scents he had long forgotten. It was sharper, richer than anything his human nose could have dreamed of. He tracked the sea lions just over the embankment, the easterly storm brewing miles away, and the people, the marvellous people with their clawing perfume and wonderful whiskey. But even fifty years of oak-aged booze and dime-store deodorant wasn't enough to obfuscate Cameron underneath it all. Harrison grinned. Then grinned wider when he smelt all the indescribably delicious fish everywhere, just waiting for him like a delectable all-you-can-eat buffet. 

But he was getting distracted. He concentrated, really concentrated, until his tongue slipped loose and he took another sniff. There it was. His jaw dropped, a happy, warm fuzzy burr spilled from his throat. He barked again and again like an excited Labrador for them to follow and then, without ceremony, he waddled to the edge of the pier and cannon-balled right in.

Splash! 

It took a moment for the group to catch up with what they had just seen, but Cam lept into action first and ran to the edge of the harbour. “Oh, thank God”, he breathed, fearing that was the end. But there was Harrison, racing laps around the dock’s piling, making this godforsaken, vicious gargling noise as though his mission home had been one of conquest and pillaging. Whatever he was trying to do, it wasn't working. He stopped for a moment, his nose wrinkling in annoyance, took a breath, and ducked his snout back into the water. On his second attempt, the gargling softened into something smoother - almost transcendent, a tuning fork perfectly struck across every ripple and wave. It bubbled for a second and then pulsed away from him in steady, pounding beats that thrummed and yet somehow barely disturbed the surface. None of them had ever heard anything so otherworldly. Everyone, that is, except Tova.

It had been ‌one of her darkest moments, sitting alone on the pier, looking out at the echo of her son's final day alive. The same angelic, ringing hum reverberated across the ocean. She had always assumed she had dreamt it- but there was no mistaking it, it was the same. 

“Oh, sweetheart”, she sighed. She remembered it so vividly she could count it down. Three… two… one…

There it was. 

A flicker. And then another, and another. 

Spanning the entire crescent of the bay, the ocean burst into luminescent brilliance. Tiny glimmers of light ignited along the shoreline as the selkie’s voice woke the algae, turning the dark tide into a constellation of sea sparkle that rivaled the night sky. They surged with the current in glittering neon blues, burning so brightly it seemed the water itself was on fire. They were all enraptured by its beauty. But Cameron wasn’t staring at the algae, because at its centre, Harrison barked triumphantly, so very proud of his parting gift to all of them. He hoped it was better than shells. 

They stayed as long as they could until eventually, one at a time, the specks of light extinguished themselves, ebbing away until the soft sapphire hue fell from everyone’s faces. Even just from Cameron and Tova’s outline against the horizon, Ethan and Avery knew they shouldn’t be alone this evening. The two tapped them on the shoulder as they shivered from the cold and offered them a lift back to Ethan’s to celebrate, commiserate, or whatever the hell was appropriate after what just happened. They both accepted on the other’s behalf.

The newly reunited family stayed for a while as Ethan and Avery kindly cleaned up the aquarium and packed Harrison’s belongings. Tova had never felt so exhausted, and ‌yet, so full of life. She would have to be, she assumed, to help him over the coming weeks while she healed from her own loss, but she had a purpose now. One that wasn’t solely the aquarium or getting out of bed each day. Tova had never thought of herself as a natural parent, but she always reckoned she’d make a good grandmother. It would take time and effort, but everything that so did everything that mattered, and besides, if anyone could whip him Cameron shape, it was her.

“You ready to go?” she softly asked.

Cameron didn’t budge. He just pointed. “He’s still there. Look.”

In the distance, a dark blob poked its head from the water. The shine of his eyes was the only thing that differentiated him from the rocks. Completely steady amongst the waves, he floated there, just staring at them. Waiting.

Tova waved him away with an equally wavering laugh. “Shoo. Go. Fu-”. Cameron shot her a look.

 “-Eff off,” she corrected. 

In the distance, Cam could barely make out Harrison blinking slowly, like small, adorable kitten kisses. He couldn’t figure out what Harrison’s issue was. Unless- shit, did he feel like he was being pushed away? Did he want a proper goodbye to the whole town? Some hell of a send-off Cameron had given him, considering everything Harrison had done for them. Stop. He couldn't start spiraling into "what ifs" before they’d even left the pier, so he took a few deep breaths, anchored by Tova at his side and watched. 

What little remained of the glorious, shimmering algae encircled the seal as though helpless in his orbit. To Cameron, even the sky seemed to bend to him as the moon hung low and a dusting of stars reflected like diamonds in his eyes. He knew this was how it was supposed to be. Harrison looked radiant. He was home, free. And pulling each other closer, so were the two humans.

Maybe that was it.

He called across the pier and out into the water. “...You don’t have to worry about us. We’ll be okay.”

The seal bobbed, not yet moving. A wave swept past him, and as it receded back out to sea, only the glorious sea sparkle remained. Harrison was gone.

The ocean welcomed him back ‌like a dear old friend. The currents that had followed the same paths for millennia now entwined through his fur, breaking off into slipstreams as he twirled and rolled amongst the penetrating rays of starlight and schools of fish once more. If only Cameron were here to see him now. See? This is how you dance.

He felt like he could breathe again. This is what his paintings had been missing. Down he went, past the barnacle-encrusted fishing boats of locals he now knew by name, following the path of luscious coral and shipwrecks of generations long forgotten. As much as he wanted to learn them all again, he had but one thing on his mind.

Marcellus had told him about his old hunting grounds during their long evenings, watching the world and crowds pass them by. Knowing the ocean floor like the back of his fin, Harrison retraced the octopus’s story, weaving through the forest seaweed and straight into the rocky crevices below. 

And here Marcellus said he never listened.

A single, pale tentacle drifted through a small slit in the ocean floor. Harrison booped it with his nose, causing the tentacle to bat him away, but at the feeling of such soft fur under his sucker, Marcellus knew. Who else was that dim-witted to disturb such a vicious creature as he? The tentacle wound around his muzzle, feeling out his face, and after a pause, playfully swatted at him like the excitable pup he always called him. Finally, without the glass between them, Harrison lay by his side, and as Marcellus passed on, becoming one with the home he had longed for, Harrison told him every detail of how he had repaired the hole in the cleaning lady's and juvenile’s hearts. Of how his plan had worked, despite everyone’s best attempts to thwart it. 

And much to the smug delight of the old octopus, Harrison thanked him for writing his name in the sand.

Epilogue

For those who remained on land, life moved forward. 

Ethan couldn’t bring himself to find a new assistant, bemoaning that the coffee would never be as good, or the sandwiches so… smoky, as when Harrison did it. Avery went out every day, scouring the beach for trash, and later on her paddleboard, the same as always. Only ever diverting when she saw a seal in the distant bob its head, and wondered if it was Harrison coming to check on her. Just once, as Cameron rejoined her for his first lesson since the selkie left, they thought they saw a shadow swim underneath.

Cameron sold his camper and moved in with Tova. For the first few days, he all but trapped himself in his father’s old room, once again waiting for something to happen. But for the first time in his life, he was glad to say that nothing did. 

The sun still warmed his skin through the bars of his window, and the wind carried the song of the birds with the same ease as it did the hum of his new grandmother. The town didn’t lose its spark. He had to work harder to find it without his guide, but the customers at the shop still smiled when he passed, and the bar patrons cheered him warmly after his first gig back. McCoy’s luscious garden was the talk of the town thanks to the new pagoda Cameron built, and without Harrison there to wow the kids at the aquarium, Cameron took it upon himself to pass on all he learnt. With a few herrings to bribe the eels. Feeling human again, he found a job with the local construction firm. The hours were long and hard, but he kept at it, and surprising himself, he started up a savings account for community college. He thought Harrison would be proud of him for that.

And on the days when Harrison was all he could think about, when the bags under his eyes were so sunken he saw his mother’s face peering back at him, Tova was there, experience in hand, to pull him through. Cameron didn’t know if he forgave his mother, not yet. But looking in the mirror, he understood her better now. And that was enough to move on.

For Tova, she continued at the aquarium, taking up the day shift, surrounded by the people she finally enjoyed being around. When the first full moon came, she dawdled outside the entrance, hoping to see her favourite visitor once more, but the doorstep remained empty. Instead, she cleaned the spot where he always sat to talk to Marcellus, just in case he decided to return to meet the new eight-legged inhabitant. 

On the first full moon since he left, Tova cleaned the aquarium from top to bottom while Cameron walked to the alcove where he first saw Harrison clumsily dance. He spent the entire night there, waiting, just in case Harrison was late as usual. Half asleep, he worked on his new music while he waited, finding a strange new inspiration surrounded by all his boyfriend’s old things. Cameron hoped Harrison would like the original tracks he was writing, even if it wasn’t exactly something he could dance to.

When there was no sign of man or seal, Cameron quietly collected his guitar and made for town, looking back the whole time. Harrison’s absence stung; it likely always would. He didn’t think Harrison would ever return, not really, but Cam left the cassette player next to a new tape of his demos and a bottle of his favourite beer, anyway. Maybe next time he would write him a letter.

By the time he crept back home, Tova was up early to make breakfast. A medley of yoghurt and pancakes littered the table, and the bitter scent of strong black coffee filled the room. Cameron caught the subtle glance as she looked over his shoulder to see if anyone was there with him. They smiled sadly at each other; however, Tova insisted that, wherever he was, she was sure he was thinking of him, and despite his pessimistic nature, Cameron knew she was right. They filled themselves on her feast, trading stories of old selkie tales she’d passed down to Erik, and new stories of the one who touched their lives until the ache in their hearts eased. Their group selfie hung proudly over the mantelpiece.

And thus the next full moon followed the same pattern, until that is, Tova cleaned up the dishes and took out the bins after their customary breakfast feast. A rhythmic knock echoed throughout the house. Cam went up to get it, cursing under his breath. He hadn’t slept a wink in the cave. Who the fuck would call at this hour?

He swung open the door, ready to give them a piece of his mind-

And there he was.

Same wide smile that caught the sun. Same fluffy hair hastily styled with a takeaway fork.

The only new things were his shirt and pants, with a couple of clothespins still stuck to them from where he must have yanked them off a neighbour’s washing line. And two presents. So badly wrapped in yesterday’s newspaper that the logo for ‘Swedish Fish’ peeked through, and stacked so ridiculously high that they almost covered his face. His human face.

Cameron gawked. His whole body turned numb.

“H-Harrison…” He paused, waiting for the stranger to laugh and give his real name, or for him to disappear completely in a puff of smoke. But the man seemed to vibrate with barely contained excitement. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Seeing you, silly”, he teased. “It was a full moon yesterday. And! Ta-da! It's Christmas soon. Sorry I was late, but I wanted to get you something a bit better than shells.” He jostled the presents up and down. “That’s the tradition, right? You always come home for the holidays.”

Cameron was too shocked to be annoyed, subconsciously opening the door wider and twisting the knob in his hand to ground himself and confirm that no, he wasn’t dreaming. Not this time. 

“C-Christmas is months away.”

“Oh?” Harrison burned redder than Santa Claus. “Dammit. Sorry! I never got the hang of calendars. Um, you can have them anyway, if that’s not rude, or something-”

Cameron took them and placed them on the table next to the door without even looking at them. He was transfixed. 

“I- I… Are you okay?” he hurriedly asked. “Did something happen?”

Harrison shook his head. He certainly looked fine. Same stupid, grinning, handsome face. Infuriating, beautiful sea glass eyes. What was he playing at? He shouldn’t be here. He had better, bigger places to be - Suddenly frantic, Cameron took him by the shoulders, raking his palms over his chest, his arms, his neck and back to that still stupid, grinning, oh so very handsome face. He couldn’t see or feel anything wrong - but he could feel Harrison’s dimples deepening as he smiled even wider. It was dawning on him what this meant. But he refused to let himself believe it. He couldn’t go through it again.

“B-But the ocean” Cam stammered. “It was what you wanted.”

“It’s what I need, but you’re who I choose, Cameron. Humans aren’t supposed to let us go, but you did.”

He said it so simply. In the way only someone who had wrestled with it for so long and arrived at the only plausible conclusion, could. As though it were the only thing that ever possibly mattered.

Harrison entwined his fingers with Cameron’s and opened his hand just enough so he could rub his nose into the meat of his thumb. Cameron couldn’t help it. A low, raspy whine eked out of him as Harrison shifted just enough to press a small kiss into his palm. His brain was only coherent enough to point out the obvious. “And you came back.”

“And I always will”, the selkie promised. He moved Cameron’s fingertips to trace the shape of his reddening cheeks and the shell of his ear, wanting Cameron to learn him better than he knew the ocean. “If you’ll let me.”

Cam stared at him, his fingers now mapping him out with a mind of their own. He daredn’t blink. There was no choice to be had, no decision to be made. Only how to tell Harrison everything he felt in that moment.  

He just nodded.

It was all Harrison needed. Cameron’s seal turned into a shark as he devoured his mouth, pushing him through the door and kicking it behind him with a slam. Those rusty hinges would likely need replacing, Cam thought… Later. After they… Oh God, this was really happening.

It was pathetic. He was in his 30s, not a horny teenager. But Cameron couldn’t help it. Frankly, he didn’t want to. While Harrison clawed at him with the passion that had been simmering ‌under his skin for months, Cam rubbed his clothed, already hardening erection against the rough material of Harrison’s stolen jeans. A moan died in the human’s throat as his selkie growled. 

He wasn’t going to waste another second. Harrison marched him down the corridor, keeping his thigh lodged between Cameron’s legs for him to rut against, while his hand on the cushion of his ass only encouraged him on. But Harrison had been at sea for weeks and, by goodness, he had forgotten how hard walking was. 

Not even a tropical storm ravaging its way through their house could cause the chaos they did in a few short steps. Painting after painting fell off their nails, and ornaments tipped over their perch as the reunited lovers hit every wall and surface on their quest to god knows where. 

When he could bare take his hands off his butt, his chest, or his face, Cameron tried to guide them with flailing arms, latching onto every door before they hit the back of the house where Tova was taking out the trash, or worse, the kitchen table where Harrison may get ideas if Cameron didn’t have them first. Thankfully, he finally managed to grab his bedroom door frame for dear life. Harrison took the hint and slammed him against it. Without letting him catch his breath, Harrison hiked Cameron up as though he weighed less than the clothes he was about to tear off. His legs now wrapped around his muscular torso, Cameron groped at every inch of flesh he could reach. No one had ever pinned him like this, or kissed him like a beast to be tamed while he whimpered like a frightened pup. If all the blood shooting south and leaving him feeling light-headed was anything to go by, he rather liked it. Perhaps he’d like doing it to Harrison just as much.

“Shit, Cam. Am I moving too fast?”

No, no of course not you idiot. Hurry up and-

Cameron realised he was only thinking it. He’d already crashed his lips back onto Harrison, re-familiarising himself with the taste of him as Harrison possessed his mouth like he’d been gone years, not weeks. Maybe he wasn’t a selkie, maybe he was a dragon claiming him for his pile of treasures or an incubus come to suck him dry. Either way, his legs trembled for it worse than Harrison after a beer.  

Eventually, Harrison’s superior lung capacity won out. Cam pushed him away just enough to suck in enough air to stop the room from spinning, or was he spinning? No, he couldn’t be - not when Harrison had him in his strong arms like he was something precious. The break was just long enough for Cameron to really take it all in. His heart raged against his chest, like it was trying to dig its way out and get back to the one who truly held it prisoner. 

But Harrison could have it. Do whatever he wanted with it, just so long as he didn’t stop touching him. He stared into Harrison’s eyes, searching for a single spec of doubt. Yet Harrison just smiled. There.

That was the future he wanted.

Shit. He’d written it all out. His grand speech, if Harrison were to somehow ever return. God, he really was hopeless at these speeches. How was it that a seal was better than him at expressing himself? He paused for a moment, trying to distract Harrison by peppering kisses all over his face. But his knowing grin saw right through him.

Come on, Shakespeare, you fuck. What was he supposed to quote? Hamlet? Romeo and Juliet? He couldn’t think with Harrison groping his ass. Maybe he would quote a song? Over the buzzing in his head, he heard Tova seize his absence to turn on Simply Red. Absolutely not that one, no wait- Ah-ha! He knew just the one!

But in the time it took for his neurons to fire between brain and mouth, it was gone. All thought was gone. Stupid, grinning, handsome face. Instead, he dumbly muttered, “You really came back.”

Luckily for him, there was no greater compliment to a selkie, than making a human forget their thousands of years of language.

He brushed an errent hair from his sweaty brow, “There’s no Harrison Knott without Cam-.”

“Cameron Cassmore, what’s all that racket? Who was at the do-Oh God, Harri!” Tova shouted. Elation quickly turning into horror as she saw the blur of fingers undo her grandson’s belt. She sprinted to the back door before Cam could even turn his head. “Oh God- no no no, not again. No siree.” 

“Hi! Ms Sullivan - good to” He pecked Cameron’s neck. “-see you!”

Cameron scrunched his eyes shut, cursing how wrecked and desperate he sounded as he shouted after her, “Leave the clothes in the dryer- i’ll sort it later- Hmpfh!”

Tova wasn’t going to stick around to learn what had caused that ‘hmpfh’. 

Harrison would never understand humans’ insistence on modesty. He felt his would-be mate wither in his hands as she yelled at them to use protection and ran out the door. No matter, with a quick flick of the wrist, he removed the offending pants and then wrapped Cameron’s legs back around his hips and walked to the bed. With Cameron clinging onto him, suspended in the air, all of a sudden, Harrison seemed to find his feet again.

When he felt the mattress behind him, Cam braced for impact; however, Harrison placed him down onto the bed gently, all the frenzy and lust suddenly recaged. Standing at the foot of the bed, almost shyly, Harrison stripped himself of his clothes, one piece at a time. He hadn’t thought to steal a pair of boxers.

Fuck. No amount of money in the world could stop Cameron from watching every inch of his skin being revealed this time. Harrison was real. More than real. He was beyond reality, and even his wildest fantasies. 

“Ta-da.” Harrison tried to laugh, but he was obviously nervous in this body. Selkies were supposed to be supernatural in their appearance, as were human mates to each other. His cheeks burned as his hands glided up and down his own body, as if he couldn’t decide which bit to shield first.

Cameron didn’t know where he found the wherewithal to speak, but that wouldn’t do.  With a beckoning finger, he managed a quiet, eager, “Come over here.”

Harrison looked more at ease ‌crawling up the length of the bed next to Cameron. He anxiously followed Cameron’s line of sight as he devoured him with his eyes, displaying the same reverence and ferocity that Harrison had shown with his mouth. With tender, trembling fingers, Cameron traced the path of freckles down the chords of his neck, through the light dusting of his toned yet ample chest and across the slight swell of his tummy that had filled out in his month away. He remembered every one of those spots from staring at their selfie on the pier. There were scars, ones he’d never seen when they lived together. Misadventures on full moons where he’d lost control of his gangly body that Cameron would ask him about one day. They had time for things like that now. He was better than the legends, he was perfectly imperfect. He was Harrison, all of him, through and through.

Cam tried again. He vowed he wouldn’t let Harrison go another second without understanding how much Cameron cherished his return. That he never had to worry about him betraying him. That his promise to make sure he was happy was the kind of promise he’d build a life on.

“I…”

Harrison shushed him.

“I know. I know.”

Seeing Cameron’s eyes well up, the selkie placed a chaste kiss into the waves of his hair, making himself a home with the man he trusted more than thousands of years of legends. The rippled sheets of his bed felt as natural on Harrison’s skin as the currents of the Pacific. 

“Just tell me one thing?” Harrison whispered, kissing Cam once on the bony button of his nose.

“Hm?”

With complete sincerity and curiosity he asked, “How many orgasms can you humans have?”

Cameron blinked. “What? Er, like, just one normally.”

Ah. Just one, eh? Harrison winked at him, oh so mischievous and cheesy that Cameron knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was totally fucked in more ways than one.

Lucky for him, his selkie was a self-proclaimed expert on humans now. He just had one last area to discover. He rubbed his hands together and stuck his tongue out like a villainous, goofy mastermind, and before Cameron could roll his eyes, Harrison wrapped the silky covers around them and dove beneath their surface.  

From that day on, the rumour of mysterious trinkets left outside the aquarium died down. Ethan found himself reunited with his favourite coffeemaker and detested baker. He didn’t let a few things, like Google Reviews, deter him from giving him a promotion, and, overjoyed to have his honorary Scotsman home, he even overlooked the occasional missing fish from his new and improved fishmonger’s stand. It paid for itself when every customer left the shop with a glowing smile.

And Avery raked in the money with her guided paddleboard tours, famed for their almost guaranteed seal sightings, and the recycled model dinosaurs in the shop that went viral. She even started a local beach clean-up group to scavenge the materials for when her friend came home. They became so popular that even her normally unimpressed son took part, who expanded the collection to local wildlife and even facades of the shops and landmarks of Sowell Bay. Eventually, he developed his own style, so unique and evocative that he won a competition to have them displayed as ‌part of the local gallery’s exhibition on the Bay. On the grand unveiling, Harrison wept with pride in his young protégé as his work held its own amongst the paintings and statues of people with more years of experience than he had on earth. He was so moved by the artwork immortalizing the town that had welcomed him like one of their own that he made it his mission to sell every last piece by the end of the night. And he succeeded. Not even the stuffiest, most pretentious art critic could resist his enthusiasm and his heartiest sales pitch. Or maybe they did it so he would leave them alone.

He loved all of them, but there was one painting in particular that caught his eye.

Just as he was leaving, its’ artists came up to thank him. Seeing her painting of the ocean under Harrison’s arm, she smiled. It was the only one of the night that had sold far beyond its asking price.

“Hey, have we met?” she asked. Harrison didn’t think he responded in English, it may have just been seal. He had learned to cope with many awkward, and complicated emotions in his time as a human, but star-struck hadn’t been one of them. But she laughed anyway, held out her hand, and shook. “Laura. It’s nice to meet you, Mr Arf”.

Within the coming months, Tova appreciated the improvements to her father’s house that her grandson made, all with just as fine an eye for detail and an unsaid understanding for thicker bedroom walls. Back when Cameron first moved in, she had thought it would take her a while to get used to sharing her house again, but it didn’t feel like her father’s vision now without her two boys there to share in it.

Before he left, Harrison had described how he felt stuck on the outside of their house as they filled it with life. It took a while for him to truly believe such a home could be permanent, but once it sank in, his belongings from the cave all entwined with theirs across the house, his new toothbrush next to Cameron’s and a fish casserole always in the fridge, he knew they would never let him feel like that again.

And on the times when Harrison returned to the ocean, Cameron was at work, and the house was impeccably clean through the trio’s joint efforts, she had Ethan over more and more for company. He still had a shop to attend to, yet there always magically seemed to be someone to take over when she rang with two wine glasses in hand, ready and waiting. Besides, if he wasn’t free? Tova Sullivan never struggled to keep busy. After all, she and Terry had a lot of planning to do. They’d already been in contact with the wildlife sanctuary back in Hawaii. Luckily for them, the owner had laughed down their ridiculous, stuttering attempt at organising a temporary despite for one homesick seal. He’d been around long enough to know not all the beach's inhabitants were as they seemed. So now all they had to do was wait for the paperwork and one seal-sized crate to arrive, and their first family holiday to Hawaii could begin. She couldn’t wait to tell them. 

But while some rumours fell to history, old ones came to the fore. The kind and curious seal who helped sailors and wayward swimmers was a feature of many barfly’s repertoire. Cam and Harrison had agreed to keep the sealskin hidden in a place only the selkie knew, allowing him to return to the sea at any time, so long as he returned on the full moon. Thus, the myths of the strange dancing man kept the town in rapturous anticipation of updates. The solo dancer had somehow found its (usually clothed) double in the drunken tellings of the town’s mailman. And the music had improved in the even more drunk telling of the local college kids. But when the Knit-Wits group discussed such an exciting development to proceedings, Tova gave her boys a hard stare, far more successful than Harrison ever managed to muster.

In their defence, Cameron had done what he could to enforce a ‘no shirt, no dancing’ policy at Tova’s (and the sheriff’s) insistence. However, when his selkie, his soulmate, returned, refreshed from the ocean, topless and soaking wet under the silver light of the full moon; what else was there to do but snuggle up on the shore, strum at his guitar, and fall under his true love’s siren’s song?

Watching them from her porch, the one her father had made with his own two hands to last his family for generations, Tova Sulliva smiled. A true smile that warmed her from the outside in, spreading to Ethan, even as he snored on the deckchair beside her. One day she would be gone, and she would pass down this home to Cameron. Perhaps in time he would do the same for his children. But until then, she took a small sip of her cocoa and turned the radio down to listen. Her ankle fully healed, she swayed majestically to her grandson’s music and the enthusiastic, if tuneless, singing of one very spunky selkie. 

Despite how long it took them to find their way home, Tova knew Erik would have been proud of how his family’s fairytale turned out.

Tagging some of the people following along who may not have seen it in the lewcest community off the top of my head<3 @musicislove3389 @starwarskawaii @starryeyedastronaut @prettygirlwyattrussell

Bob’s stomach fluttered with butterflies as he stared at the camera in front of him. Even though Jordan hadn’t started the stream yet, it felt so intimidating being in front of the camera. He couldn’t believe he was really doing this. Getting naked and jerking off in front of so many people. Strangers. It was exciting and nerve wracking all at once.

Bob was the one that brought it up. He knew Jordan did camming, he’d watch his streams with their girlfriend in the other room, his hand knuckle deep in you pussy and your hand wrapped around his leaking cock as Jordan dirty talked to the camera or showed off his ass or fucked himself with a dildo, taking requests for every stream to garner a bigger audience.

Neither of you cared that Jordan cammed. He was so fucking good at it, practically born to be star, and you were all secure enough in their relationship to understand it was a job, nothing more, nothing less.

When Bob started asking more questions about the process, how to get started, how to get an audience, Jordan asked him if he wanted to join in on a stream. At first, Bob hesitated. Yes, it interested him, but the idea of having his face out there scared him. Once Jordan promised they’d be able to hide most of his face with either camera angles or a mask, Bob agreed, and that’s what lead to now.

Planting a kiss on his naked shoulder, Jordan asks, “You ready to give ‘em a show baby?”

Instead of answering, a nervous Bob, wringing with his fingers, shyly asks, “Can… can you be in me? I just, I need to feel you, I think it’ll help the nerves.”

Jordans eyes twinkled as he nodded, “That’s a great idea. They’ll love knowing I’m inside you while I’m stroking you.”

Thankfully, Bob was already prepped with a plug fit snuggly in his ass. Jordan took his time earlier eating Bob out to prep for the stream. He had Bob edged and on the verge of tears for an hour while he lazily fucked his tongue and fingers in and out of his hole until he deemed Bob ready enough. Jordan wanted Bob crying his pretty tears by the end of their cam session today. And for when he was going to fuck him after for putting on such a good show.

With one nod from Bob, Jordan carefully and swiftly lifted his boyfriends’ hips, and took out the plug before pushing himself in, moaning as Bob’s hole welcomed him.

Bob whimpered at the stretch before finally settling down once his back hit his boyfriend’s chest. Jordans rocked his hips back and forth a bit, he just couldn’t help himself really, but then he stopped and let Bob get comfortable.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

The moment the stream started, it was like a flip switched with Jordan, all his charisma exuding, like he was made for the camera.

“Hey guys, it’s Pretty Boy J here and you might have noticed, I’m not alone today.” Jordan smirks when he sees the comments flying in about the cute little twink on his lap. Oh, this was going to be good. “Now you might remember that this stream is a special one because we’ve hit over ten thousand subscribers on here! And for that, I’ve got a very special guest for you guys. My boyfriend. You guys can call him Sunshine. Say hi, Sunshine.”

Bashfully, Bob waves, the visible parts of his face flared red as he speaks out a, “Hi.”

More chimes and dings come from the chat immediately. Along with a plethora of cha-ching sounds indicating some have already started flooding their account with money. Holy shit, Bobthinks, that guy just sent us fifty bucks because I said hi. And then, Bob sees the comments, and he can’t help but blush more.

Hi Sunshine!

You’re so cute Sunshine.

Shit, I can’t wait to see how J wrecks him for us.

Hi Sunshine, you’re such a cutie!

Aww Sunshine’s so shy!

“Thanks, you guys, I know, my little Sunshine is the cutest, isn’t he.” Jordan nonchalantly squeezes Bobs nipple as he speaks, making the other man whimper. More dings from the chat. “Oh, I know, he just makes the prettiest noises, doesn’t he?”

Murmuring against Bobs shoulder, Jordan comments, “My boys so needy, he just needed my cock in him before we could go on.” The chat starts beeping like crazy. Replies flooding in all ranging from compliments Bob and asking for a closer view, “Oh, you guys wanna see? Now that’s going to cost you extra.” Like magic, more cha-ching sounds come from the laptop.

Bobs eyes are wide in wonder when Jordan just winks at him before shaking his head, “Alright. Gotta give the people what they want.”

Grabbing one of handheld cameras, Jordan brings it right to where his dick and Bobs ass meet. Gripping the flesh of his ass, Jordan lifts Bob up slightly, and hovers him halfway off his cock.

Bob can’t help but squirm at being exposed like this. The feeling of being put on display for the audience, like he was a prop for the show. And it was so unbelievably hot. He almost felt no shame as his dick twitched with every way Jordan showed him off. Almost.

Once the chimes from the chat slightly subsided, Jordan slowly dropped Bob aback on him, groaning lightly in his ear when he squeezes his cock, “Careful Sunshine,” Jordan gently chides into his hear before nibbling on his ear lobe which elicits a moan from the other man, “Don’t tease me when I got all the power right now.” Then Jordan eyes the camera before throwing it a wolfish grin, “So, are you guys ready to be graced with the glorious sight of my boy cuming all over your cameras?”

Chimes explode as more money gets sent their way.

Instead of going for his dick, Jordans hands darted to Bobs balls. He rolled them in his hand, giving them light squeezes and tugs which elicited the most delectable whines and cries from the man on his cock.

“J, J - Nggh” Bob panted, head falling back and rolling into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck 

“He loves it when I play with his balls. Sometimes I wonder if I can make him cum from just toying with them and rubbing them in my hands. But we might be here for a while if we do. You guys think I should give it a try?” Bob squirms, protesting that suggestion just as the chat floods with people chiming in.

Do it.

Edge him.

We wanna see that pretty boy sob.

Jordan quirks up an eyebrow at Bob, silently asking him yes or no, if he’d be okay with them changing their plans. Bob subtly shakes his head ‘no’. while the idea sounds nice, Bob wants to do that with you and Jordan first before on screen, “Mmm, maybe next time you guys. But don’t worry, we’re just getting started.”

Removing his hands from Bobs balls, Jordan drops a generous amount of lube on one hand and begins to stroke Bob’s already leaking cock at a relaxed, languid pace and his other hand rests comfortably on his belly, rubbing soothing circles with the tip of his fingers into his boyfriend’s flesh.

Bob reacts immediately to Jordans touch. Bucking once into his hand at the first stroke which makes Jordan chuckle before pressing Bob closer to him as he teasingly coos, “He’s so sensitive,” which scored them a few donations and comments about how adorable Sunshine is.

Then Jordan teases his slit with his thumb, grinning wide when Bob moans, eyes rolling to the back of his head as Jordan plays with his cock. “Do you like that? Like when I tease your cock like this? Come on baby, words. Tell them how you feel. How am I making you fell?”

 “G-Good! Y-you make me feel s-so good.”

Jordan works his hand up and down his shaft, that leisure pace he set for himself earlier long gone as Bob sounded more desperate and whiney, quivering with want as he pleaded, “Don't stop! Feels s’good! Please!"

"You're doing so good. Isn’t he doing so good you guys?"

Sunshine’s the best!

He’s such a good boy for us.

Fuck, the way he moans, I might just cum from that.

Jordan reads off some of the comments to Bob, whispering seductively in his ear as he pumps him. His grip is firm as his hand glides up and down Bob's length.

Bob squirms even more, gasping and moaning at how good it all feels. All their compliments. So many people praising him, telling him he’s doing good.

"Oh, God!" Bob pants, feeling release on the tip of his tongue, “J – I need – please, can I -”

“Should I let him cum? He’s been a good little slut for us; he deserves a reward, don’t you guys think?” Words incoherently spill from Bobs mouth as he pleaded for release, for the chance to let go, “Please, please,” and “yes, yes, J, yes,” along with pleads that he’d been a good boy for him.

Jordan can’t help but proudly smirk when he feels how much Bobs shaking. At how needy he sounds. It’s time for him to get his reward.

“Aww he keeps clenching around me, I think our baby boy deserves to cum. Cum baby, cum for me.”

On command, Bob spills all over his belly and Jordans hand, a broken, loud howl escaping him as he throughs his head back over Jordans shoulder, arching his back. Jordan nearly cums himself at the sight. Bob’s so beautiful like this. Mouth gaped open in a moan, eyes fluttering as his body shakes with euphoria, and now all the viewers can see it. And they don’t even get the beauty of seeing Bobs tear filled eyes blink up at him before he nuzzles his face into his, seeking comfort.

“That’s a good boy,” Jordan ignores the saltiness of Bobs tears as he peppers his cheeks with kisses.

The chat is exploding with donations and compliments. People were already asking for when Sunshine was going to join in for another stream. Asking if Sunshine was going to make his own channel.

With a wink and a kiss, Jordan ends the stream, Bob letting out the faintest whimper when Jordan leans forward to shut it off.

Jordan pulls out of Bob, who whines at the loss, before pushing himself back inside him once he’s flipped Bob over, so his back is now pressed against the bed.

This is what helps Bob a lot when he’s been pushed to the point of crying during sex. It’s such a comfort when he gets to warm Jordan's cock, even though it’s a pain for his boyfriend. All Jordan wants to do it start bucking his hips into him, but he shows restraint since he knows it's Bob's favorite thing ever.

Sighing in want, Jordan nipped and licked all over Bobs throat, “Fuck, you did so good, they loved you baby boy.”

Teary eyed, Bob asks, “Really? Y-you think so?”

“Fuck yeah. Did you see the comments? The chimes from them flooding the gates with their money. We made -” Jordan glanced at the laptop briefly before turning his attention back to man he’s inside of, “- Holy shit – ten thousand in that one stream alone. Fuck, that might be the most I’ve ever made in a stream before. And it’s all because of you.”

Bob's eyes bulge at the number. Fuck. No wonder Jordans told him he doesn’t need to work anymore if he wanted to. They just made more in one stream than Bob ever made in a whole month working full time and dealing with shitty customers working in fast food. Maybe he should give this camming thing a chance. He really did like the feeling, and the audience obviously loved him.

Pressingly their noses together, Jordan tenderly, yet seductively asks, “Want me to fuck you? For being such a good boy and cumming on camera for everyone?”

All it takes is one nod and Jordans hiking Bobs legs around his hips and fucking him into the bed. The bed shakes, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing in the air with loud needy mewls and ‘uhs’ leaving Bobs plush, reddened lips.

Just because the stream ended, didn’t mean the fun was over for them.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! Love ya!

Please do not copy or repost. Love and thank you all!

Warning: Swearing, angst, lots of self doubt/self hatred

Note: I was really proud of this and wanted to share it early (also I have been unable to write all week and finish this so here the first half) this is the most angst I’ve ever written so don’t judge pretty please (unless you have advice) anyway I hope you enjoy!! -Iris/Mars ♥️

Words: 3.1k

You weren’t blind, obviously you knew something was off with Bob. You just hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten until you went to go find him.

You walked into the hallway where the bedrooms are, only to find shadows trailing under the door, snaking around the hallway. Carefully you avoid stepping into the shadow though you can feel it following and trying to curl around you. You open the door to see the half silhouette of your boyfriend, the shadows swallowing him from the top down as more of the shadows spread and twist around the room surrounding him.

“Bob…Honey?” You call trying to see if it’s still him or if it’s already the Void. Bob turns to face you looking completely broken and exhausted. Hair wild as if he’s been pulling and running his fingers through it, his hair also greasy from lack of a wash as he just been unable to get the will to even care about it, eyes drooping and puffy from crying, prominent eyebags indicating the lack of sleep –He never sleeps without you there with him– along with that his eyes looking completely black with just enough blue left for you to tell he’s still there, he's still your Bob barely holding on. He turns and faces you whispering something you can’t fully catch but you take it as some form of apology.

“Bob…I’m going to come find you okay honey? We are going to get you out of this together.” You explain softly but determined as a promise. You take a deep breath already knowing what you are going to see, as this isn’t your first time you have to go rescue him from the brink. You know the shame and suffering you will see once you step into the shadows but that has never and will never stop you. You will always go and save him, even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. You will always be there.

“I’ll get you my darling I promise” You say walking into the shadows.

~~~

You open your eyes, watching the familiar scene you see every night in your dreams –well the nights you sleep alone– You try not to dwell on the memory unfolding around you and try to search for a reflective surface in the ‘room’ looking for Bob. You look around until you see a reflection in a window and sure enough as you look into it you see Bob sitting on the floor in his parent’s attic with a rubix cube just like how he always is. You press your fingers up to the glass and push, your fingers phase through and you take a breath and walk forward leaving your memories behind you and walking into his.

You stumble into the room but quickly right yourself. You walk farther into the attic and silently sit on the bean bag chair beside him as he fidgets with the rubix cube. You’re not fully sure how long you sit there with him, allowing him to know he isn’t alone. Doesn’t matter though how long you are there, all you care about is being there and him knowing you are there.

Eventually Bob lets out a soft “hi…” his voice barely a whisper but easily heard in the mostly silent room.

“Hi, Bob…” You turn a bit to face him, to see how he’s avoiding making eye contact with you trying to securely focus on the toy in his hands. “I’m sorry…” he apologizes, looking like he wants to say more but is unable to.

“It’s ok,” You say simply, allowing him to take his time.

After another few minutes pass by before Bob speaks again. “He got to me…I tried hard not to let him but- but I just wasn’t strong enough. It’s hard when well it’s me. With everyone gone on this long mission and you…you constantly away for Valentina. It’s hard to not feel- lonely and well as you know that’s what he feeds on-” He stammers trying to explain, only briefly looking up at you, desperately trying not to cry.

You nod along and move the slightest bit closer to him. Opening up your posture a bit, resting your hand closest to him on your leg palm side up. A gesture you two have as a silent offer to allow the other to hold their hand whenever they need but don’t feel brave enough to just take it.

Bob just stares at the hand hesitating as he continues on. “His taunting just continued pounding, restless day after day non stop. All this nagging and spreading of lies- but as well… as I've said before what he says just makes enough sense it seems believable…” He let out a breath inching his hand closer to yours. “He kept going on about how alone we are. How the team all got picked for this long mission to get away from us. How they went without us because we were incompetent, weak, useless…” he swallowed the loop in his throat blinking back tears. “He…He also brought up you…alot…” he let out a soft bitter laugh. “He went on and on talking about how I’m not good enough for you, how you are pitying me, how this- this is all a cruel joke and you- you are going to wake up and realize i’m not worth it…not worth the trouble…” This time he took you hand holding close afraid you are going to suddenly vanish. “It’s so stupid…I know…I think I know you would never do that, you aren’t like that- you lo- you care for me. I know you do!… but with the constant, repetitive, aggravating nagging it’s… hard to not think like that…hard to think of why I should still be here…” Bob couldn’t help but cry as he confessed all this to you trying to face away from you, trying not to show you how weak he was.

“Oh honey…” Was all you could say at first. You bring one hand slowly up to cup his face. As you make contact he flinches but hesitantly presses into your palm. You gently direct his face to look up and at you. And that’s when he breaks. He desperately clutches at your arm, holding on so tight afraid to let go. His head falls into your palm, you being the only thing holding him up as the tears stream down his face, gasping for breath.

You gently guide him into your lap allowing him to grab on to you tightly and cry into your shoulder, his whole body shaking from the sobs. You in return just gently rub his back and hold him tight whispering sweet words of ‘I got you’ ‘you aren’t alone’ ‘I’m always here for you’ You sit there trying to fight back the three words you have been dying to say, thinking how this would only stress Bob out more.

Eventually the sobs quiet down and fade into soft hiccups. And he sits up a bit mumbling a quiet ‘thanks’. You pull back slightly to see him clearly, reach out and hold his face in your hands gently whipping away the stray tears running down his face.

“Bob…You aren’t alone… You will never be truly alone, especially here in the tower. We all care about you so so much…even if we all have our different ways of showing care, it’s true and will always be true. And you aren’t weak and you certainly aren’t useless! Just because you weren’t chosen on this mission with the rest of them doesn’t make you useless. Yes, they have more experience which is why they went on the mission. But it’s not expected for you to be on the level of Bucky or Yelena, they have been doing this a majority of their life –sad but true– and you only got this other side of you a year ish ago. You are still in training, still trying to control everything. You aren’t useless, you are far from useless, you are just at a completely different level and skill set than the others which isn’t a bad thing! We need a variety of skills and experiences to function as a team.” You explain, hopefully in an encouraging tone, soft enough to be gentle so you don’t sound like you are chastising him but stern enough to know you mean it. As if you were trying to engrave this in his brain.

He looked at you like he was trying to believe you, but still struggling to, trying to believe he was good enough, he was important like you claimed. “I don’t- know… without the other guy I’m-nothing, I’m-“ “Don’t you dare say useless-“ you interrupt and he just shut his mouth looking slightly lost

“Bob, you don’t need to have god-like powers to be important. You don’t need them to be needed and wanted. Especially when it comes to you as a team, especially when it comes to me. You are an important member of the team, you are in charge of keeping everything here running smoothly.” You explain in a softer tone from before. “And…I need you, I need you Bob I don’t need the Sentry and all his god esque powers, I need and most importantly want Bob. I want my boyfriend, my kind boyfriend who cuddles up with me and tells me all about his books. Who I can sit in silence with and not having it feel heavy, finding comfort in the silence. The one I can ramble for hours about anything with no fear of judgment whether it be about an interest of mine or some of my many many emotional baggage!” You joke, earning a small laugh from him.

“I want you, Robert! I need you and nothing else.” You whisper as you move to press a featherlight kiss to his temple, you pull back checking for any signs of discomfort but when you find none, only a faint blush at the tips of his ears you continue on. “More than anything in the world,” Another kiss to one of his cheeks as he lets out a soft gasp at the contact. “You mean everything to me,” Another kiss to his other cheek. “I never want to leave you” This time a kiss to the tip of his nose. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me” You press a kiss softly to his lips as if sealing the promise. You had expected him to stay still or deny everything you had said but you definitely weren’t expecting him to mumble a quiet: ‘forever.’

“Hmm? What was that?” You ask pulling away to face him clearly. “Forever…you said you’ll be here as long as I’ll have you and so…forever” He whispered the confession “I want to be with you forever-“ he gave a soft shy smile, the thoughts in his head quieting down, feeling easier to push away now you were here with him and he was no longer alone.

You sat there stunned, you knew he cared for you, more than anything else he had said but just like him you always had those doubts in your mind —though your depression didn’t get personified into a living being—but it was always a nice reminder that the feelings you have were mirrored. That you loved him and he probably loved you just as much.

You took a slow breath in and moved to face him. “Bob…” He looked up at you smiling again “Yeah hun?” He asked softly. “I- I love you, so much darling…more than words can describe, and and I feel I've been falling for ages but i’ve never fully let myself except the fact that I have this opportunity, to be here, to care for you. And I know you struggle with this sort of thing so you don’t have to say anything just…know I love you” You stammer struggling to get all the words out, but you make direct eye contact the entire time to let him know you are serious.

Bob stays there frozen for so long you start to feel as if you screwed everything up. But he still stays there mentally going through everything you said, scanning your face for any signs of lies, cupping your face to try to make sure you're real, he's real, this is real and you had really just told him that. “You…Love me?” He asked just barely a whisper just barely heard over your racing heart. All you can do is nod trying to paste on a smile trying to not cry. He nods one, then twice “ok…ok wow…ummm” He says unaware of your panic going through your body. “I…umm I don’t uhhh can’t think of what to say- God you love me?” He asked again, needing the confirmation, trying to hide –and failing– the hopefulness in his voice.

As you nod again he pulls you tight to him burying his face in your hair. “God you…god I- I ummm” He tries to start. “I think…I feel, no sorry I know I feel the same…I think, sorry this doesn’t make sense I know I feel the same but I can’t…” He tries to explain how much he cares for you but still has that fear of loving and being loved he’s had his whole life. “Sorry I’m not phrasing this right! I’m… I know i’m there or getting there, It just may take some time” He finally says pulling away again to look at you, searching for a reaction.

You smile, finally losing the fear that you messed everything up. This is only further shown in how he smiled at you, a smile that conveyed the words he felt but couldn’t say and you couldn’t help but pull him in for a kiss. A kiss for all the unspoken words from both, words of how deeply the care and love goes for the other, far enough that neither of them knew how deeply they were. But they still knew they were there even through all the doubt and hardships, even if they weren’t said they knew. You loved Bob. Bob loved you. It was as simple as that. You both knew it and that's the only thing that mattered in that moment.

You both pull away panting, not fully sure how long you two were tangled up in the thoughts of the other but at some point you moved to be sitting in Bob’s lap, fingers in his hair, his hands gripping your waist, pressing you against him. Despite everything you guys have already done together in the past Bob still blushed bright red pressing his face against your neck letting out a low groan. You softly laugh and press another kiss against the side of his head “Well, good to know the feeling is mutual.” Bob presses a long lingering kiss to your neck as a response before you drag his face up and look at him.

“Should we leave…?” You ask softly to change to be more serious. Bob pulls away, though one hand still presses to your waist as the other comes up to rub his neck. “Yeah…Yeah we probably should…I don’t uhh I don’t want to but I don’t think we can stay here…” He relents but makes no effort to try and move. You on the other hand go to stand up but stop when he tries to keep you down “Honey…I’ll still be here when we go back, I’m not leaving and I’ll be there for whatever you need me for.“ You explain slowly standing and helping him up. Bob just sighs but stands up “I… I’m going to need some time to… to feel normal after this… to feel whole, I’ll try not to shut you out again but I can’t promise I’ll be fully…there” He explained waving his hand around in gestures. You grab his hand to hold and squeeze it tight. “Take all the time you need, it’s perfectly normal to take a break from everything but I will be there to make sure it’s not self isolation okay?” Bob nodded “Deal.”

~~~

Once the two of you made it back Bob was exhausted. He nearly collapsed on you as all the shadows retreated from his room back into him and fading again going back from where they came. His eyes returned to his normal shade of blue –the brownest blue eyes you had ever seen and loved looking into– and lost all hints of the blackness in them earlier. He slumped into you as the two of you tried to maneuver on to his bed. After some talking you had realized that he remembered everything the two of you had talked about and that happened. He had remembered the shift in your relationship, the realization of how deeply you two felt about each other.

After some adjusting the two of you walked to the bathroom that was adjacent to the bedroom and you sat on the counter top beside the sink keeping him company while he showered. Once out of the shower you guys made it to the empty living room where you left Bob on the couch to pick out a movie to watch –he had settled on Wall-E wanting it to be a good but simple movie to watch– as you went to make some dinner for the two of you. With the dinner being finished Bob decided to lay his head on your shoulder the exhaustion becoming too much to handle and promptly passed out finally feeling enough at ease to sleep. You slowly adjusted him to lie more comfortably on your lap as you traced small soft patterns on his back. “I love you Darling, I’ll always be here…” you whispered into the quiet room as you too fell asleep on the couch.