m'love.

The knowledge I’ve always had.

But the feelings ebbing and flowing.

Encouraging the fantasies I always knew belonged where they do, in a dream.

He said before reading you.

How cute it was that he felt you were thinking about a future. Our future?

—

He read you again and your mind had changed

Flat. Factual. Emotionless delivery.

Only surprised, almost giddy, to see that I had changed my mind too, although that’s something I already knew.

Hello heirophant

Never expected it at my door

Knocked so late in life

Because you are compatible

Or because you’ve been in his car

How dare you make me so dependent on the sound of your breath being the metronome I sleep to

I was fine without you, the insomnia a friend

And he’s gone

No longer a comfort

But a curse

Even now

Strangely expecting those familiar chimes

Even now

Even after it has been so long

A pathetic hope

At this pathetic hour

I’m so tired.

Fighting myself

From lessons learned before

Balancing

Maybe over balancing

Not maybe

And I’m so fucking miserable in both realities

Hating myself

For not being true to myself

In both worlds

I can’t win

I either dive

Or I don’t?

Dive

I need to dive

Honestly

Or I’ll die

I don’t know what to do

I just want to disappear

I just want

To disappear

I want to say help

But I don’t want it

Fuck me

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know what to do with you

I’ve always been so certain of what I do with myself

I learned and practiced

Built a foundation

And built a house of peace for myself on top of that

And now

It’s all coming crumbling down

And I’m letting it

I’m looking at these cracks

Watching as the structure breaks down

Those weight bearing pillars

Degrading. Crumbling.

Looking at these holes in the wall

And saying

Maybe

It can all be patched up

As long as it’s with you

As long as this can be our fixer-upper house

Committing to this

I don’t want turnkey

I thought that was what I needed

And I learned again.

You don’t have to want this

I’m okay

Doing this by myself

I’ve always wanted to build a castle for myself

In Scotland

In Paris

A cabin

Nowhere

Blah blah blah

What do you want

What do you want and

What the fuck do you want from me

And why am I begging for these fucking CRUMBS

And why am I so fucking happy when I get them

I am angry

Confused

Sad

Longing

Maybe I’m romanticizing too much as I’ve always had

The yearning

That kind of yearning love with the promise

Specifically

Of nothing

The promise of tragedy

Promise of

Nothing but the next life

And I’ll see you there

Because that’s all you want

You don’t want anything to do with me

And I understand

There are too many broken pieces

A glass that is shattered

It’s not like a piece of even the most delicate pottery where you can put it back together with time and effort and love

There are too many shards

I hate it

But I understand

Fuck me

I wish I never met you

In this lifetime

And still

Sometimes I wish I were in a hospital bed

I don’t want to die

I just keep seeing presentations of False Dilemmas (link for explanation: https://web.archive.org/web/20150923145959/http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/false-dilemma.html), e.g BLM vs “All Lives” or even “Blue Lives” Matter. Presenting All Lives Matter as an oppositional statement to BLM, pretending like the stance of BLM is that ONLY black lives matter and finding the need to argue that with “All Lives Matter”? Like yes, that’s the point, all lives matter so yes black lives matter how do they not understand that that’s the same?

Or when it comes to policy making rather than coming up with a solution the argument is entirely how the Democrats’ proposals won’t work or that they’re stupid or unconstitutional. Wouldn’t that energy spent picking apart an opponent’s argument or character be better spent coming up with another proposal that is an improvement from the current one? It’s not like those are the only 2 choices (current vs 1 proposal from Democrats).

Here’s a Forbes article about the fallacy of False Equivalence: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/stephaniesarkis/2019/05/19/this-is-not-equal-to-that-how-false-equivalence-clouds-our-judgment/amp/

Also a common fallacy I keep coming across in conservative media/news outlets, particularly when it comes to policy-making from anything from gun control to LGBTQ+ rights.

One of the more egregious ones I’ve seen floating around recently has to do with pedophilia. The claim is that those in support of this whole gender-fluid stuff are in support of pedophilia because pedophiles call it “age-fluidity” and we have to put a stop to all this fluidity stuff because OH MY WHERE DOES IT END WE NEED TO SAVE THE CHILDREN. Okay, literally only pedophiles are in support of this age-fluidity bullshit, just because we are fighting for transgender and gender-fluid human beings to fucking LIVE and express THEIR GENDER the way they want to does not mean that somehow equates to being in support of ADULT PEDOS preying in CHILDREN because of their sexual perversion????? Help me understand the correlation please?

Yes of course there are really annoying left-wing media content that do the same exact thing, meaningless content that simply exists to depict the conservative right in the most negative light, gross generalizations by showcasing the worst of the other side, Trump-bashing, all of that. But most of the “liberal” content is not political. I just don’t see how not wanting people to be disproportionately harassed and murdered in the streets by police, or not wanting someone to have to file for bankruptcy for getting sick, or not wanting the planet to get destroyed by pollution is political?

Please help me out here. Show me what you’re fighting for, what are you saying “YES” to, because all I’m hearing is a bunch of “nope, no can do, impossible, stupid” and I don’t see how we can get anywhere as a society with that kind of attitude. Shit, even in school with group projects you can’t work with people like that and they just end up needing to be told what to do because they just argue for argument sake and it’s so fucking useless.