Hey Im B

In early 2022 I was diagnosed with sarcoma. In early 2024, I became a survivor.

In November of 2024 I was diagnosed with Leukemia.

This is a place where I plan to share updates and things that I enjoy. No stress, no pressure.

I'm a certified Technoblade fan.

If you want to know more about me and my story, you can watch my interview with Technoblade's dad here

Find me elsewhere:

I feel like I'm falling

Barley tethered to my body as my soul whips in the wind

Time is rushing around me

Clouds pass in a memory of loss and longing

B, where have you been?

Hey there I'm B. In December of 2022, Technodad gave me the challenge of finding one good thing in each day no matter how small. For a while there I was posting monthly lists of good things that happened.

Then in March of 2024 I went into remission for sarcoma after almost two years. I tried to keep my lists up but it felt strange. If you've never seen one of my posts, I haven’t posted in a while. I went back to school, got back into the swing of life again after being sick for so long. It was hard. I wish I'd made lists for the last few months.

This past week I was diagnosed with leukemia, a kind of blood cancer.

I went through so much chemotherapy fighting off the sarcoma that my body has rebelled and developed a new kind of cancer.

This time I don't know what's going to happen. It's so different from last time.

The anxiety I feel around this has kept me from sleeping well the last few weeks. I feel like I'm part of study on sleep deprivation. My nights get later and my mornings get earlier. I have laid in bed and watched the sun come up half a dozen times. All the days are blurring together into one long haze of fear and uncertainty.

I've been told some of the worst news a person can hear. I've heard three words no person wants to hear, "You have cancer". I've heard four words no one with cancer wants to hear, "We're out of options" I've also heard good news, "The treatment is working" and "You're in remission".

I've had a lot of doctors tell me a lot of things about how my life is going to play out and how much of it they think I'm going to have. I've been told I wouldn't see the age of 23. I've been told to start getting my affairs in order. I've been told that I was dying.

That I was 22 and dying.

I'm 23 now. I made it through all of that. I fought odds that were never in my favor. I beat a cancer that most people don't get until their 60s. I beat it spreading to my lungs. I beat it without having my leg amputated. I beat it and I survived.

I survived.

I was in remission.

I'm still in remission.

So why am I crying? Why do I have to do this all over again? Why did I have to hear the words "You have cancer again"?

This feels like some kind of sick joke. Like the god I prayed to every night has decided to play a game with my life. Like I am a puppet in a show I didn't ask to be in. A pawn in a game I didn't want to play. A soldier in a war I didn't know was going on.

So here I am. Again. Facing an uncertain future.

This time I'm lucky to have a support system. My lovely partner, my friends, Technodad, and hopefully still all of y'all.

Remember to take the time to appreciate each day that you have. If you can, share a good thing that happened to you this past month.