i dont speak cool kid

Do you remember the episode of Spongebob where he's training gary for the snail race and does a coach persona + calls gary a girl and has an aside where he's like "I called you a lady to demean you 🤓" and right after he says that it cuts to sandy and she somehow telepathically feels that Spongebob just did something misogynistic and us like I feel like I need to kick Spongebobs ass for some reason. And then she appears just at the end of the episode to kick his ass.

Goddddddd thinking about that narrative moment when something horrible is happening and the character who has been frantically trying to come up with a way to fix it and getting more and more frantic and panicky just—stops. Because. Oh. There’s the solution. They’re not getting out of this alive but like. It’s a solution for everyone else. Okay. Okay.

"I'm looking respectfully" well can you look at me like you're dying of a fever. like you're delirious and it hurts. like you're fighting desperately for your life.

meowth voice: today I’m takin james to da clinic to get an aboition

they need to make noise canceling headphones that are comfortable when you lay on your side in fetal position

please dont vape your blueberry ice flavor around my kid. we are raising him on marlboro reds exclusively.

a 500 word short story with the same plot as your novel that explores how quickly the problem could be solved by sonic the hedgehog

sonic heritage post

I’ve never seen this one before and it just punched me in the fucking face.

Just like Knuckles did to Sonic

Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

you can pry starting sentences with 'and' or 'but' out of my cold, dead hands

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

Keep salting the wound I'm close