If the PowerPuff Girls are made up of sugar, spice, and everything nice, Iām made up of anxiety, depression, and a ton of self-doubt.
Itās not like I enjoy being this way, itās just how Iāve become over the past three to four years. Iāve desperately wanted to change my ways and be more cheerful and optimistic but no matter what, I find something to hate myself for. Sometimes Iām unable to find a reason to hate myself, a prime example being the events that occurred about an hour or two ago at the time of writing.
So, itās about 10:00 PM and Iām with two friends of mine that Iāve known for a couple weeks at this new university of mine, just chilling out and watching them play pool as I daydream about life - you know, the usual. Thatās when one of these friends, letās call him Jeremy, mentions how he has a song stuck in his head - that song being āiām so tired...ā by lauv and Troye Sivan.
If you had asked me one week ago to sing this song from memory, I wouldnāt know what to do as I wasnāt familiar with it in the slightest. But somewhere in the past week, not sure which day in particular but Jeremy started singing this song out of nowhere and I fell in love with it instanteously.
Despite how I am a hipster and feel semi-obligated to not think highly of āmainstreamā music, I really really started to enjoy this song to the point where I decided to learn it on the piano earlier today - about an hour before meeting up with Jeremy.
With this being said, when Jeremy stated that it was in his head, I said that I had learned it on the piano earlier tonight and didnāt expect much more than a simple ācoolā or ānice.ā But fuck, he asked me to play it for him and our other friend once their game of pool ended, which I gladly agreed to do - primarily because of how I thought heād forget about it all (to my slight dismay, spoiler alert, he didnāt.)
Even though I was nervous as all hell to perform in front of these two people which I had really grown to enjoy over the past couple weeks, I still tried my best and to my surprise, they were awestruck by how I had done.
I distinctly remember Jeremy saying something to the extent of āWhy didnāt I know you could do that?ā, which I responded to with an anxiety-laced āI just kinda keep it to myself.ā
He told me not to anymore, which well, I canāt lie, it felt like it was something he was telling me because Iām his friend and all that jazz and how he didnāt want to hurt my feelings.
At this point, two of Jeremyās friends, letās name them Marissa and Abbie, walk over to the three of us. As soon as he sees them, Jeremy tells them to listen to me play this song. At this point, I play the song once again but it feels easier this time for some reason. Not quite sure why, since Iām playing for strangers that I donāt know and this would normally freak me out, but I did it perfectly.
Once I finish, both of the girls genuinely comment and compliment on how I did, and just- these kind words did end up making an impact on me since theyāre coming from the mouths of complete strangers that didnāt know me five minutes beforehand. I felt as if I could trust them more than Jeremy, despite him being an amazing friend, due to the potential bias in his words due to our friendship.
Abbie told me to āplease keep singing, as you have quite a giftā or something to that extent which- my emotion in that situation:
I couldnāt believe a complete stranger was saying this to me, of all people. Iām not saying any of this to give myself an ego boost, like goddamn, I think my voice is alright or pretty okay but Iāve never though that I have a āgift.ā
After this, the five of us sat at the piano and sang songs together - ranging from various broadway tunes to Christina Perriās āJar of Hearts.ā
At some point, we all said our goodbyes and left each other for the night.
As I walked back to my apartment, I realized that the experience I just had was the first time I had sat around a piano and sung with others since high school about three to four years ago.
And well, fuck, it made me feel at home with myself once again. I had missed the feeling of just being with others and letting us all speak the language that we know the best:
Did you think I was gonna say English? Well, I mean, youāre not technically wrong as the lyrics were in English but seeing as how Iām unable to really speak and make sense approximately a quarter of the time, I wouldnāt say Iām great at speaking it. Even though I canāt read music for shit, Iād still like to think itās the language I know the best.
From this experience as a whole, Iāve learned that I need more faith in myself and more optimism in the world, because there are good people out there - they might be hard to find but they are out there, youāve just got to find them.
If I didnāt have friends like Jeremy that threw me out of my comfort zone, I donāt know where Iād be today. I canāt not thank him and the others whoāve supported me so far this semester - I donāt know if youāll ever see this but you all mean so much more to me than youāll ever know.
So hereās to sitting around a piano with friends and singing our hearts out - a time that made me reminisce days far gone and hopefully look forward to many more to come.
