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This is too great not to reblog

It’s crazy how fat this hog got. He’s only 22 years old and he’s already looking like a fat swine. Don’t kid yourself, fatso. You’re never gonna look like a fit guy anymore and even if you’d manage to lose some weight, then you will gain it all back and even more soon. You started multiplying your fat cells and now they’re even more eager to grow. They’ll never go away anymore and they always want to be restored, just like you need to refill the fridge multiple times a day after it all went straight into that massive round fat gut of yours, you greedy piggy. Slapping your belly won’t make it magically dissapear sadly.

Wow, what a fucking fat porker you are, fatso! The water isn't even washing you, it's just navigating a topographical map of failure. You’ve got so many rolls that the soap doesn't even lather, it just gets lost in the canyons of your torso, wandering aimlessly like a hiker without a map. You probably need a squeegee and a prayer just to get your chest dry, because God knows a towel is just a suggestion to someone with your surface area. You look like a melted candle made of mayonnaise and bad decisions. By the time you actually get clean, the water heater has given up on life out of pure exhaustion, and you're just standing there, shivering in a puddle of your own inadequacy, wondering why the mirror fogged up. Probably because your sheer lack of ambition is creating a localized weather system of sadness. Get out of the tub before the plumbing files a restraining order, big boy.

So he's, uh... definitely a gainer, right? Like there's no way around that at this point.