Syia

the rattle of your truck must have alerted them to your arrival, because they come out with warm smiles and even warmer greetings. they exchange handshakes and hugs with your parents, then the attention falls to you. there’s a boy who peers out from behind his mother’s legs as she compliments your dress, his round eyes brimming with curiosity at the sight of a potential playmate other than his sister. you cling onto the side of your mother’s dress and the adults share a laugh.

the boy’s mother gently nudges him forward. “go on, sweetie. say hi.”

with another nod of encouragement, the boy shuffles closer to you with an impish grin. you realise he’s shorter than you are. “hi, i’m san. i’m six years old and i like the sea!”

the grip you have on your mother’s dress loosens a little as you mumble shyly in return, “i’m y/n. i’m six and i like the sea too.”

his smile grows impossibly wider, and his eyes and remaining reservations disappear at your words. reaching out, he grabs your hand in a physical declaration of friendship. your other hand falls away from your mother’s dress.

“we’re going to go play at the beach,” he announces, because you’re his friend now and friends play together.

on your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.

“sannie!” you skid across the wooden floorboards of his living room in your sock-clad feet, startling his father who is sitting on the couch with a newspaper.

he peers at you from above his glasses with the smile that stays consistently warm, be it from him or his son. he chuckles, “hello, sweetheart, here to play with san again?”

you bow slightly in greeting and nod before you whiz off once more in the direction of san’s room. summer vacation has only just started and you and san have already spent seven summers together, but there are crabs to chase and waves to splash and sandcastles to build so there’s not a day to be wasted.

“choi san!” you holler again, thundering up to his door. you’re about to yank it open when san opens it from the opposite side, excitement already plastered across his face as he starts to yell your name too.

the moment he appears, you hurtle into his chest for a hug that ends up knocking you both off-balance. he stumbles backwards with you in his arms and rebounds off the edge of his bed, sending you both sprawling onto the floor in a fit of laughter. you’ve become familiar with the way his bedroom floor feels from these exact moments, and you’ve also become familiar with the way san’s arms feel around you from being wrapped up in his tight cuddles. you may love the sea, but you love being with san just a little more.

“do you have your bucket?” you ask, still tangled together on the floor in a mess of limbs and untamed hair.

san props himself up on an elbow and reaches behind you to reveal a large, plastic bucket. it’s purple with a white handle and it matches yours; blue with a white handle and still lying on its side from when you dropped it in favour of hugging san.

you sweep up your bucket with a cheeky grin, “race you to the beach!” using san’s chest as leverage to stand up, then pushing him onto his back again by his shoulders for good measure, you take off for the door.

“that’s cheating!” he yells after you.

you sprint with glee back through the living room, barely managing to brake in time to avoid running headfirst into his mother. you greet and farewell her in a single breath before you’re off again, forgoing your sandals when you hear the thundering of san’s footsteps and a warbled bye mum! bye dad! catching up behind you.

the pavement is hot under the bare soles of your feet but soon enough you leap off the sidewalk, bucket clattering in your hand, and the ground turns cool and soft as you run across the sinking sand. san jumps after you with a battlecry of his own and you scream when you feel him right on your tail. he catches up as you near the waves and with a final burst of energy, he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him.

your grip on your bucket is lost once more when you yelp and focus on keeping up instead– san’s only got an inch on you now but why is he so much faster than you? the wet sand starts to grow colder, salty water splashing everywhere the further you sprint. neither of you slow down– not that you could with san dragging you along right into the thick of the crashing waves as he whoops.

you dread the day san will actually be tall enough to pick you up and toss you into the water, but for now, you give him the satisfaction of pretending. you wait for him to bend down a little, then you kick the water right into his face. he splutters indignantly and blinks the sting away until he can see the wide smirk on your face. his tongue pokes his cheek as he gives you a scandalised smile, before he cocks his head and sniggers, “your turn.”

you take that as your cue to run. san dips his bucket into the water, scooping it up full to the brim, then starts chasing you with faux anger that makes you shriek in delight. you yell breathless apologies over your shoulder in between giggles but they all fall upon deaf ears as he continues streaking after you, bucket held high like a madman with an axe.

you end up slowing down because it’s hard to run through water, and you’re met with the icy downpour of water over your head. san laughs triumphantly when you look at him with the ferocity of a soaked kitten. you eye his bucket and weigh up the odds of snatching it out of his hands versus dunking him headfirst underwater through sheer force. realistically, you have no chances of doing either. plus, san knows you too well.

“use your own bucket, you loser,” he banters as he hides his. and yet, he walks back to retrieve your bucket for you before it’s swept out by the waves.

“are you cold?” san asks whilst passing it to you.

there’s vigour and liveliness thrumming through your every vein. “no,” you answer, “‘m not cold.” never with you.

he nods, “let me know if you do get cold, okay? i’ll grab you a jacket or something.”

“my house is literally next to yours. i can get one if i need to,” you chuckle.

“i know, but it’s the principle of it. just shut up and let me have my chivalrous moment.” san sits with the characteristic huffiness of a teenager who thinks he’s all grown up now that he’s in high school. but it’s not very convincing when he immediately starts to shovel sand into his bucket with the enthusiasm of a puppy.

“okay, thank you, sannie. i’ll let you know if i so much as shiver,” you dotingly appease him.

he nods diligently, then pats the sand next to him for you to sit down too. you join him in filling up the buckets with sand so that you two can make your thirty second attempt to build a five-tiered sandcastle pyramid. so far, you’ve only ever gotten to the third layer before it starts to crumble apart.

“what’s wrong?” you ask when san stops packing the sand into his bucket.

you realise he’s distracted by something in the distance and you follow his line of sight to find a lone surfer riding a wave in the horizon. san watches as the man’s body becomes an extension of the ocean– a dancing duet with the rolling waves as he stands steadily on his board with powerful elegance. when the board glides towards the shore, the man spreads his arms like an eagle’s wings and lets himself fall backwards into the sway of the water.

san is suddenly filled with yearning to learn of the sea’s choreography. he declares, “i want to become a surfer.”

“what happened to becoming a dancer?” you raise an eyebrow. because if there’s one thing that san loves just as much as the sea, then it’s dancing.

“becoming a dancer is still my dream. i meant surfing as an interest,” he breathes out. “just look at him. he looks so…free.”

you can see it in the way san’s eyes follow the surfer’s movements and sparkle with wonder– the moment he falls utterly and hopelessly in love. “then try it,” you encourage, “what’s stopping you?”

san tears his gaze away from the ocean to look at you instead. the same, loving gaze stays on his face. “nothing,” he proclaims with a growing smile. “absolutely nothing.”

san has all the summers in the world to surf. and you’ll be there with him for every single one.

you watch as san fixes his surfboard to the top of his black jeep– the last of his luggage to be loaded.

“i don’t get why you’re taking that with you. there’s probably nowhere to even surf in seoul.” you know you sound like a snobby six-year-old and not the eighteen-year-old that you are, but you don’t really care right now. not when san is leaving and you won’t be able to attend college together like you thought you would be.

tugging on the straps once more to check that they’re secure, he chuckles, “doesn’t hurt to take it just in case.” when he sees the forlorn look on your face he adds, “i’ll be back every summer, yeah?”

“it won’t be the same. who am i going to hang out with every day?” you grumble.

san laughs endearingly, “it’s only until i graduate.”

“or you find a job or a girlfriend and then you’ll stay in seoul forever.” you cross your arms defiantly as san steps closer and reaches out to ruffle your hair. where you had stopped growing at fifteen, san is still growing and he now towers almost half a head over you.

“just four years–no job, no girlfriend–and then i’ll be back. i promise.” he opens his arms a little, “now, do i get my goodbye hug or do i need to tickle it out of you instead?”

you huff before uncrossing your arms and sinking into his warm embrace. he folds you into his chest as your arms wrap around his waist. closing your eyes, you memorise the feeling of his back muscles flexing under your hands while he gently rocks you side to side. you soak in his body heat that swaddles your entire being in safety and home. you breathe him in one last time when you bury your face in the crook of his neck, nuzzling the steady pulse that beats there.

“i’ll miss you,” you whisper, because you don’t trust your voice not to crack if you speak any louder.

san presses a soft kiss against your hairline and admits, “i’ll miss you more.”

you bite back the urge to respond with ‘then stay’, cherishing the moment for a little longer instead, before you step away so that he can say his goodbyes to his family. he hugs them one by one; his father, his sister, haneul, and lastly, his mother. she’s discreetly wiping at her tears and you have to look away so that you don’t start crying too. because if you start crying, everything will become blurry, and you can’t afford that when this is the last time you’ll see san until next summer.

you all gather around the driver’s window that’s rolled down to the very bottom when san is finally seated. seeing him buckle his seatbelt ready to leave overwhelms you with a sense of finality and your eyes well up before you can blink the hotness away. san stretches a hand out to thumb away your tears and makes a sad noise, “don’t cry, please? we can call whenever you want.”

you sniffle, “call me when you arrive?”

he nods with that dimpled smile you are already starting to miss. and then just like that, your best friend is gone. you stand outside his house for a stretch of time, even after the outline of his jeep has long since disappeared into the distance. it may be the last week of summer, but it feels like it’s the middle of winter today.

san’s eyes flick upwards to look in the rearview mirror, even though he hasn’t been able to see your reflection the last three times he’s looked. he had tried to appear as collected as he could to avoid making it any harder for you, but now he regrets not holding your hand a little longer; a little tighter. and if san tears up a little as he starts the four-hour drive up to seoul, then that’s between him, the car, and the playlist you made just for him.

you absentmindedly tug on a crease in your bed sheets as you laze on your bed, phone on speaker so you don’t have to hold it. “what was that?” you pull your device closer to your ear. “are you going somewhere?”

there it is again– the beeping sound of a car in reverse. the warning signal stops as san answers vaguely, “home.”

you jolt up into a sitting position, a growing sense of excitement making its way across your face as you dare to ask, “home?”

“yeah, home,” san confirms, and you can hear the smile in his voice this time. “i told you i’d see you soon, didn’t i?”

“i didn’t think you meant in five literal minutes,” you almost trip over your own feet in your hurry to slip some shoes on. “oh my god, is that why you said you couldn’t facetime me?”

you can hear his answer this time– not the scratchy voice that comes from your speaker, no– the smooth deepness of san’s voice close by. and there he is. after almost a year of freezing days, absent dimples and longing calls, choi san is finally back in namhae for the summer.

in quick succession, you notice three things. one, san has returned from seoul with triple the number of surfboards that he left with, strapped to the top of his black jeep. two, said man is now almost a whole head taller than you as he watches you with a smirk and disconnects your call. and three, he’s not alone.

if you think that san is tall, then the two guys that hop out of the jeep after him are even taller. one of them runs a veiny hand through his dark brown locks, which fall back down to softly frame his face. the other turns in your direction after closing his door and you realise you’ve seen him before– both of them, actually.

on top of your spontaneous calls with san, you facetime him every friday afternoon after your own classes have finished. he’s usually in one of the university’s dance studios because, as a dance major at kq university, the studio is basically his second home. san mentions his friends every now and then and they’ll appear behind him to say hello to you or you’ll be able to hear them in the background of the call.

quite frankly, the crusty quality of san’s front camera hardly does them justice because wow. they’re hot. and tall. they’re not letting you forget that fact when the three of them step away from the jeep and closer to where you and san’s family are waiting to welcome them.

san greets his parents with a hug before he gestures to his friends one by one, “yunho, mingi. the friends i was telling you about.”

yunho and mingi thank san’s parents for letting them stay the summer and apologise in advance for the inconvenience. but from the way they’re immediately told that their extended stay is more than welcome and that hopefully the drive down from seoul wasn’t too tiring, you know san’s parents have already adopted the two well-mannered boys as their own sons.

“hey, pipsqueak,” san sidles up to your side whilst his parents fuss over his friends.

you look at him, appalled by the sudden nickname, and even more so as you swat his hand away when he playfully ruffles your hair to tease, “looks like you’ve been busy doing everything but growing.”

“on second thoughts, maybe i don’t really miss you.”

san laughs, the tinkle of the sound like the crisp smell of the ocean during sunrise. he pulls you into him and that’s all it takes for you to melt in his embrace. despite your earlier quip, you’ve missed san terribly. it finally feels like namhae now that his familiar arms are around you again.

the rumble of san’s chest is soothing as he says, “well, i miss you. it’s good to be back home.”

you pull back a little to look up at him and god, he’s gotten so much taller. “it’s good to have you back home, choi san.”

the sound of approaching footsteps breaks your hug apart and you give the two boys a friendly smile as san roughly introduces your names, “but you all already know that, considering you guys basically see each other every week.”

“on top of the fact that san doesn’t shut up about you,” mingi jokes.

san punches him in the arm and mingi amends himself with a laugh, “namhae! he doesn’t shut up about namhae!”

yunho snorts, then offers you a small hug as he properly introduces himself. he leaves enough space between your bodies for the holy spirit to boogie when his arms encircle you, and you honestly find his courtesy extremely endearing.

“are you two also dance majors?” you ask.

“yeah, so we share some classes together,” yunho explains. “mingi and san are in the department of dance performance though, whereas i’m in choreo, so they have all their classes together and i only share the core ones with them.”

“good thing, too,” mingi joins the conversation and rests an arm around the other’s shoulder. “i’ve known him since high school and i was honestly starting to get a little sick of his face.”

he earns himself a jab to the side and he keels over with a dramatic groan. both san and yunho ignore him in favour of stepping back towards the jeep to unload their surfboards. you eye the boards with curiosity, recognising the white deck with the yellow and blue tail to be san’s. the design is simple, but san had used his own money to purchase it as his first transition board after the beginner-level mini malibu his parents had gifted him, so it’s his baby.

“are these all yours?” you question as san rests the tail of his board on the ground.

he shakes his head with a flustered laugh, “the guys brought theirs along too.”

mingi reaches for his board after yunho takes his and your jaw drops to the ground. “you all surf? wait, so you can surf in seoul?!”

“no, you were right. you can’t,” san chortles in embarrassment. “but there are a couple of indoor surfing places that we can go to.”

mingi hikes his surfboard against his hip, “doesn’t beat the real thing, though.”

“nope, which is exactly why we’re crashing. sorry, by the way–we probably should’ve asked you whether we could come,” yunho scratches the back of his neck.

you frown, “of course you can. it’s not like i’m the town head of namhae or anything.”

“but they know we spend our summers together,” san lightly bumps you with the side of his hip.

“oh,” you can feel heat creeping across your cheeks, so you force it away by jumping on the opportunity to tease, “you know what? mingi was right. you don’t shut up about me, do you.”

mingi hollers at the ammunition you have just given him for future use and even yunho slaps his hand over his mouth to hide his smile. it’s amusing to see san flustering so easily now that there’s a new dynamic of friendship between you and the other two boys, and san resorts to giving both of his friends’ asses a good-natured kick in the direction of the beach.

as they lumber off with their boards sniggering, san effortlessly hoists his own board up and sideways and beckons, “let’s go.”

“you know i can’t surf, san.”

he flicks your nose fondly with his free hand, “not to surf, silly. let’s go get our buckets.”

your eyes widen and you stand on your tiptoes with excitement, “buckets?”

“of course,” san waggles his eyebrows up and down with his dual dimples. “we’ve got some serious sandcastle-building to show off.”

half an hour later, all three surfboards are tossed to one side in the wet sand as you share the buckets for an intense showdown between the ‘namhae ninjas’ and the ‘highschool homies’. san had shot down your suggestion to alliterate your team name with the word ‘neighbours’, claiming it was an insult to the bestfriendshipness between you two, but hadn’t been able to come up with a much better alternative himself.

san holds his breath as you upturn another moulded bucket of sand onto the third tier of your sandcastle pyramid. with little surprise, the foundation starts to crumble and triggers a chain reaction that topples it all over. as always, some things just don’t change, even over time.

mingi laughs at your sandy ruins with an awful lot of audacity for someone who had watched yunho build most of their sandcastle, only to then add a little stick at the very top as a finishing touch. he grabs his phone from where he had left it on the safety of his discarded towel and holds up the front camera to take a photo of you all.

where there used to be two sandcastles between two friends, there are now two sandcastles between four. mingi snaps the photo, eternalising the moment. some things do change over time, and sometimes, change is just the beginning of a new chapter.

“which one do you think looks better?”

your mother takes a step back to scrutinise yunho’s pick. “this one,” she points, “the other colour palette clashes too much.”

san nods solemnly in agreement and mingi squints at his own choice from beside. with the seriousness of their expressions, one would think that they’re discussing investment properties. in reality, you’re watching your trio of friends and your mother earnestly matching and colour-coordinating the floral prints of your father’s flowy farming pants to their button-up shirts.

noticing the dubious frown on mingi’s face, your mother nonchalantly skims her fingertips over the pants he’s holding. “this is one of my favourites because it has little leaves on it,” she remarks, before dropping her voice to a whisper so that only mingi can hear her next words. “it matches your shirt. i think you’ll look the best in it.”

he immediately perks up and you can’t help but compare him to a sunflower that thrives the most under a loving hand. it’s incredibly cute and you can also tell that your mother feels the same, if not obvious from the way she has been giving him extra hugs and compliments all summer.

you rejoin the boys after you have all changed into your pants. it takes a lot of self control not to laugh when you see how seriously they are taking their get-up; rubber boots hiked up to their knees over their floral pants, and their straw hats secured snugly with the chin straps. even as disinterested as your father originally was when the trio had first arrived at the beginning of summer, he now lingers behind the sliding glass doors to watch you and san attempt to teach the tall boys how to plant rice seedlings in the paddy field.

yunho grabs a small, prepared bed of seedlings and turns to look at you cheekily. “want to be a rice friend and show me how to plant these?”

you level him with a stare that makes him chuckle and apologise, “sorry, i won’t say that a-grain.”

he looks awfully pleased with himself, so you turn on your heels in pretence to ditch him for mingi instead. you let out an involuntary yelp when yunho prevents your escape by quite literally manhandling you back next to him. he dares to up his charm by using his wide, sparkling eyes on you as he thrusts the seedlings into your hands, like a child waiting for you to open a bag of snacks– how could anybody say no?

you talk him through your demonstration, separating a small cluster of seedlings from the seedbed before transplanting it into the field. once he seems confident, you let him take over. it’s mesmerising to watch yunho’s hands as he deftly carries out each step– the way his long and slender fingers move with coordination and grace. despite it being his first time, he works skillfully like someone with years of experience. you’ve come to realise that yunho’s good at doing things that involve physicality, like dancing, surfing, and now farming.

“how did you start surfing?” you wonder.

yunho stills momentarily, before he separates another cluster of seedlings and runs his fingers through its green shoots. “i actually started surfing because mingi wanted to try,” his voice is fond. “it’s been four or five years now.”

“that’s really sweet of you.”

he ducks his head bashfully, then asks, “what about you? how come you don’t surf?”

“san roped me into his first few lessons, but i never got the hang of it so i stopped,” you reveal. “i prefer watching, anyway.”

“maybe you just didn’t have a good teacher. i could teach you one day?”

you don’t doubt that he would make a good teacher, but you would most definitely be a terrible student. the shirt and board shorts that leave very little to imagination when he’s soaked, and the water that drips from the ends of his hair down his jawline and neck are distracting enough as they are from a distance.

you chuckle, “you’re going to need a lot longer than just a few days to turn me into a surfer. you guys leave this weekend, don’t you?”

“that’s true,” he hums. “but there’s always next summer…if you’d like that?”

at his words, you suddenly don’t know where to look. the rosiness that starts to colour your cheeks makes a small part of you hope that there is an underlying hint of flirting in his question. before you can answer though, you’re interrupted by san peering over your shoulder to look at yunho’s progress. “of course you’re good at this too.”

you crane your neck to look around san, where you find mingi squatting and planting seedlings in the rows that are within arm’s reach.

“how’s he going?”

san glances back, “he’s, uh–well. he’s trying.”

“my hardest!” mingi yells across the field.

with a laugh, you stand up and slowly make your way towards him, leaving san and yunho to lay down the rules to see who can plant the most seedlings in the next half an hour. because apparently, everything needs to be a competition between them.

the seedlings that mingi has planted don’t look that bad, honestly. they’re a little lopsided, the spacing and height of each seedling a little inconsistent, but for his first time it really isn’t all too bad. you tell him such and squat down beside him. “here, let me show you.”

you gently remove one of the seedlings from the watery mud whilst talking, “they may just be plants, but they’re like people, too. if you treat them with love and care, you can see the same reflected in them.” you neaten the sides of the hole as you add, “you know, it’s kind of like how yunho loves and cares for you.”

having spent all summer with the pair, you notice all the times yunho subtly perks his head up to locate where the other boy is. all the times yunho brings him into conversation or back into the little huddle you’re all standing in. all the times yunho will wait for mingi to say what he wants or thinks before saying the same thing himself.

your fingers ease the seedling into the hole, then you fill it with soil and pat it down firmly to give the shoot the support it needs. “yunho told me he started surfing because you wanted to.”

at your words, mingi nods with a wistful smile; completely different from his characteristic cheerfulness. even the brightest of stars have moments where their twinkle dulls. “i was going through a rough time at home and i wanted something to distract myself…give myself a reason to get out of the house, even if just for a few hours,” he reveals. “sometimes, yunho and i skipped our morning classes and he would take me on long trips to the beach just so that we could surf.”

“i’m glad you had him to help you through that.”

“yeah, he’s helped me a lot,” mingi agrees. “he still does. sannie too.” as he talks, mingi attempts to plant another seedling the way you have shown him, and this time, it stands tall and proud amongst the other shoots beside the one you have planted.

“how are things at home now?” you ask.

he shrugs aloofly, an indirect answer that tells you everything you need to know. his gaze settles on the other half of your little summer quartet, who are now in heated debate over the winner of the planting competition. “both of them knew that i didn’t want to go back to my hometown over summer. that’s why san asked if we wanted to come here with him. thanks for letting us stay this summer, y/n. it’s meant a lot to me.”

your heart breaks a little at his words and you nudge him playfully, “stop treating me like i’m the head of namhae. there’ll always be a place here for the both of you.”

he lets out a laugh, a glimpse of his usual self. “we just know how much summers mean to you and san.”

“and meanings can always change for the better,” you counter with a smile.

mingi feels warm from the very inside. for a moment, only you and him exist in this bubble of comfort as you simply gaze at each other. and it doesn’t go unnoticed. yunho stretches his back with a satisfied exhale at san’s admittance of defeat before glancing at the two of you looking nice and cosy in the exact same corner of the paddy field you were working on half an hour ago.

“have you two just been sitting there this whole time?” yunho narrows his eyes as his words draw san’s attention.

“no?” you flimsily say, at the same time mingi confidently declares, “yes.”

the man beside you is back to his usual antics as he giddily fans the fire by gloating, “what are you going to do about it?”

yunho and san glance at each other and you start rising to your feet at the foreboding of danger. they nod.

that’s all the warning you get before they lunge in your direction. as dorky and harmless as the two of them look in their styled outfit of farming pants and straw hats, they are anything but that as yunho and san take frighteningly large steps through the rice paddy with their long legs. and just as your luck would have it, yunho is the one who is closest to you out of the two predators. you hardly think that it’s a fair chase between the tallest and the shortest.

“yun, we can talk this out like adults,” you try to distract him.

whilst you’re struggling for your life to pull your boots out of the squelching mud as fast as you can, yunho easily moves towards you with a devilish grin. you see his outstretched hands, covered in mud, and you decide right there and then that you’re not above begging.

“don’t come any closer! please, i’m sorry! i’m–” your pleads are cut off when he grabs you by the waist and hauls you over his shoulder.

for a brief second, you almost slip right over him face-first into the mud from the momentum and your life flashes before your eyes. but then yunho’s arms flex as he steadily grips your thighs and readjusts your weight, and you resign your fate to his shoulder and his pretty– but grubby– hands.

you twist your head to the side when a husky screech alerts you to victim number two and you find mingi at the mercy of san’s headlock. he rapidly taps the latter’s forearm, yelling mercy as you all burst out into laughter. very soon, the field turns into a playground of childish liveliness as all intentions of farming are tossed to the wind.

mingi was right in saying that summers mean a lot to you and san. but as you all chase and run away from one another around the muddy field, smearing loving handprints of dirt over each other’s faces and clothes, sounds of happiness loud enough that your parents can hear it from back inside the house, summer takes on a new meaning in the shape of you four.

in hindsight, it makes a lot of sense now why san’s parents had knocked on your door earlier this morning, entrusting you with the spare key to their house and waving goodbye as they drove away in their rented campervan. they had let you know that they would be going on a road trip along the coast this summer so that san and his friends could have the house to themselves.

you hadn’t thought much of it– just excitedly counted down the hours until the reunion of your little quartet. yunho had been texting you updates as he, san and mingi finally made the four-hour trip down to namhae now that they were on summer vacation. one of the last texts you had received had been a picture of mingi in the backseat, head lolling and mouth open in deep slumber, with the caption, ‘gonna need to wake sleeping beauty up soon XD we’ll be there in about twenty’.

this time, you had opted to wait for their arrival by sitting on the embankment outside your houses. your legs had dangled off the ledge as you looked out towards the beach, and at the telltale noise of their arrival, you had excitedly hopped up to your feet, only to be met with a sight that had your steps halting in fluster. and oh, this is why san’s parents had decided to yield the house. because this time, not only have the number of surfboards doubled, but so have the number of cars and boys that are suddenly in front of you.

as san turns off the ignition to his jeep, you’re dazedly swept up into a sandwich of hugs between yunho and mingi as they greet you eagerly. it’s good to see them again in the flesh instead of their measly five-inch-tall selves over facetime, and you’d be a little overwhelmed by their height on either side of you– having forgotten just how tall they really are– if your attention isn’t distracted by the opening doors of the banged-up ute behind san’s jeep.

either seoul has water that’s doped with something, or birds of a feather flock together, because each of the three boys that step out are equally as good-looking. you’d be lying if your heart didn’t skip a beat at the sight of them. you’re a simple girl with hormones weak for eye candy, after all.

yunho slings an arm around you and walks you a little closer as the new faces turn to look at you with friendly smiles. “this is y/n,” yunho introduces. “and these are our friends, jongho and yeosang.”

you notice that he skips over one of the boys, who starts to open his mouth in complaint, but then yunho continues on, “and this short one is hongjoong. we keep him as our mascot.”

hongjoong gives the taller his middle finger with practised ease and counters, “and we keep you as our tall circus freak.”

the way everyone snickers, yunho and hongjoong included, tells you that this is just about as average an interaction can be. after the boys properly greet themselves and pleasantries are exchanged with you, they decide to unload all their luggage so that they can rest for the afternoon. you walk over to the open boot of the black jeep, reaching for the last duffel and hoisting it into your hands.

before you can so much as take two steps, there’s a hand carefully taking the bag from yours. when you tilt your head up, it’s san’s kind eyes that are gazing back at you. “here, let me do it,” he casually tells you and then he walks towards the open doors of his house.

left with the outline of his back, you have a clear view of his shoulders flexing under his white shirt and you wonder when he started to fill out his clothes with muscle. you become conscious of the way you’re subtly ogling at your best friend, so you shake your head and walk over to the back of the ute instead where there are still a few bags left in the open bed.

there’s a small duffel that looks relatively light. as you drag it closer, you quickly realise it’s heavier than it looks. “what the hell is in this? weights?” you mutter to yourself.

there’s a giggle beside you, “sorry, that’s probably yeosang’s bag. he brings his supplements with him everywhere.”

it’s jongho this time, with his gummy smile and crescent eyes, who takes the bag handles out of your hands. he extends a brown paper bag out to you instead. “we can trade. this is much lighter.”

he easily picks up the bag of supplements and then reaches for a second bag to sling over his shoulder. for the amount of adorableness he exudes from his smile and laugh, the strength that he seems to have is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. as he walks away, there’s the crunch of approaching footsteps and you see that it’s the short boy, hongjoong. he’s only short relative to his friends, because when he comes to stand beside you he’s still easily taller than you.

“maybe you could help me hold this, too.” he’s holding his closed fist out, making it impossible to discern what’s in his hands.

“what is it?” you ask as you open your hand, palm upturned for him to drop whatever he is holding into yours.

except he simply uncurls his fingers and intertwines them with yours, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. a laugh erupts from your throat, only growing in volume when yeosang appears and interrupts by stepping between the two of you, forcing his friend to let go of your hand.

as yeosang grabs the last suitcase and closes the tailgate, he deadpans to the other, “san’s going to chop your hand off when he sees,” then he slings his free arm around hongjoong and ushers the both of you back into the house.

“it’s okay, i wouldn’t let san do that to you,” you reassure.

hongjoong smirks triumphantly at yeosang, only for you to wipe the expression off his face when you finish, “because that’d be animal abuse.”

“it’s been five minutes and you’ve already picked your side,” he laments dramatically, before nodding. “i see how you play. i like you.”

“it’s a shame i don’t,” you quip back immediately.

“fuck, did i just get rejected?”

yeosang shoves his friend through the doorway, “stop digging yourself a deeper hole.”

you all laugh as you shut the front door behind you to stop the cold of the air conditioner that san has turned on from escaping. you’re definitely starting to see the appeal hongjoong’s friends have in teasing him.

you take the bag of snacks still in your hand to the kitchen and you set it on the counter where san is drinking a glass of water. he’s watching the rest of the boys play ‘scissors, paper, rock’ over room allocations now that all their luggage has been piled up in the living room. he raises an arm and you easily slot yourself into his side and slide an arm around his waist. relaxing into the touch of his hand slowly rubbing up and down your arm, you also watch as the boys grow increasingly rowdy with each emerging winner.

you’ve had the fleeting thought before, but now that you’re seeing all the boys together, you realise just how attractive they all well and truly are. even san, you’re slowly starting to notice, does not lack in the face or body department.

“do you guys have a rule where you have to be attractive to be friends or something?” you ask, only half-jokingly. even though you had directed the question at san, it’s not him who answers you.

“aww, stop. you think we’re attractive?” of course hongjoong would be the one to overhear.

immediately, the feistiness in you appears. “yeah, and i’m wondering why they made an exception for you.”

he takes on the jest easily, “god, you’re obsessed with me.”

“you’re right, i’m a little crazy for dogs,” you shoot back, and you can feel the shake of san’s chuckles from next to you.

“good thing i’d bark for you, then.”

“what the fuck, guys?” mingi interrupts, “get a room.”

at that, san steps forward protectively and shoos his friends away, “hurry up and put your bags in the rooms so we can go surfing.”

yunho and yeosang take their bags towards the small guest room down the hall, whilst the remaining three head for san’s room. you turn to san incredulously, “you’re fitting four people in your room?”

he shakes his head, “of course not. i’m going to sleep in haneul’s room. she’s on a trip with her friends for most of the summer.”

“she can stay at mine when she comes back. until you guys have to go back to seoul,” you suggest.

“oh, that’s right. your parents are in yeosu now, aren’t they?”

you nod. you had told san a couple of weeks ago that your parents had moved back to your grandparent’s house for the meantime. they’re not sure how long they will be staying in your hometown for, but considering the deteriorating health of your grandparents and the fact that you are independent enough to take care of yourself, it’ll likely be for a while.

san doesn’t tell you, but that’s part of the reason why he has brought so many of his friends back this summer. he knows that you’re silently struggling to adjust– even if his parents take care of you like their own daughter– so he hopes that he and his friends can fill in some of the silence, even if just for the summer. he wishes it didn’t just have to be summer.

“do you need to change into something else before we go?” he asks you.

you look down at the t-shirt and shorts that you’re wearing. you don’t mind getting them wet, but you can’t say the same about your underclothes. “yeah, i’ll quickly go and change first.”

he nods and watches as you head towards the door to toe on your sandals. when you pull the door open, he gently calls after you, “it’s good to see you again, pipsqueak. i’ve missed you.”

you smile, “i’ve missed you more.”

even after the door closes behind you, san’s smile stays on his face. “i’ve missed you the most.”

no matter how many times you experience the thrill of getting tossed into the ocean, you still cannot fathom the fact that the once short, skinny boy who used to pretend to pick you up is now tall and strong enough to actually do it.

“you cheater!” you screech when you feel san’s arms snake around your waist from behind, lifting you up off your feet. “you said you’d give me a ten-second head start!”

his gleeful laugh rings in your ears as he ignores your flailing limbs and teases, “i did! your little legs are just too slow.”

you start to feel the coolness of waves splashing your ankles and toes the further san carries you out away from shore and your grip on his forearm tightens in anticipation. with a slight swing, he lets go of your waist and tosses you into the water. the next thing you know when you regain your balance and wipe the water from your face is the sound of san’s yelp as he disappears underwater. jongho grins from above, having leapt onto the older’s back, who in turn has crumpled under the unsuspecting weight.

san emerges with a hulk-like roar absolutely soaked to the bone, his black t-shirt clinging to his torso. the clear outlines of his chest and broad shoulders set off an unfamiliar skip in your heart yet again, and san lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his face– revealing his abs in all of their wonder– does the complete opposite of calming you down.

you're fucked. there's no way you're attracted to san like that. in the form of petty revenge, said man brings his hands down to slap the surface of the water, splashing it right in your face and jongho’s and…yeah, that flutter of butterflies is gone.

san is caught right in the middle of the crossfire as you and jongho splash him, drowning his figure in torrential rain. the sounds of his choked laughter draw the attention of everyone else too, who have no idea why san is the target but are more than willing to join in. but with the plethora of water being splashed and the chaos of hands coming from every possible direction, the three of you end up drowning under the attacks.

hongjoong quickly loses motivation when his arms grow tired from doggy-paddling the water and yunho and yeosang’s attempts also slow down. they snicker at the aftermath– your trio absolutely drenched– and then rapidly skitter away before any of you decide to retaliate in vengeance.

at their cowardice, san bites the bait and goes hollering after them, leaving you with the youngest of your group of friends. jongho beckons towards the shore with his head and you’re momentarily distracted by his wet bangs falling over his forehead and eyebrows.

“up for more surfing?” he grins at you. and if there’s one thing you’ve learnt over the summer, it’s that you would kill for jongho if he asked you with his gummy smile.

jongho is a surprisingly good surfer. as the only one in the group who grew up in seoul with limited exposure to the beach, you can hardly tell that he’s a relative beginner in comparison to the rest of the boys unless you were a surfer yourself.

once they had become their close-knit group and they realised that most of them had a shared love for surfing, they had colloquially formed their own little surfer’s club, knighting jongho as their honorary member. he learnt to surf in indoor centres, during the occasional beach road trips they would make and through the experienced guidance of his friends.

of all six surfboards they had brought to namhae, jongho’s softboard is the one that is the most ideal for you to learn with. true to his words, yunho had attempted to teach you how to surf but on his own board– a shortboard great for experienced surfers to catch steep and aggressive waves, but terribly hard for a beginner to control. jongho had offered his board and so under his and yunho’s careful hands, you had spent your summer practising on the beach before slowly transitioning into the water.

which is where you find yourself now, on your stomach as you slowly paddle out. jongho stands close by and waist-deep in the shallow waters of the spot that he has led you to where the waves are few and calm. just a couple of metres away, yeosang idly straddles his longboard as he watches in support.

“you remember how to push through the waves?” jongho checks and you nod, gripping the rails of the surfboard and straightening your arms to lift your torso upwards.

“yeah, hang on,” he says, moving closer. jongho rests his hand gently on the small of your back to steady your body and you have to focus on what he’s telling you instead of the feeling of his warm hand. he taps the sides of the board a few inches in front of where your grip currently is.

“hold it here, otherwise your centre of gravity is too far back,” he explains as you shift your hands forward. “the board might end up tipping backwards when you go through the wave.”

you retry the movement with the new positioning and jongho nods in satisfaction, removing his hand and stepping back again.

“there’s a wave coming in we could try,” yeosang suggests.

the slight swell of a forming wave starts to appear in the horizon. it doesn’t increase much in size the closer it gets, but as it reaches its peak height, the top breaks and turns into a whitewater wave. yeosang is out a little further and so he demonstrates how to push through first, lifting his torso above the break as his surfboard cuts through the wave.

“okay, ready? hold steady, steady,” jongho encourages, helping you time the movement, “and push up!”

you follow his call and straighten your arms to lift your upper body out of the wave’s trajectory, guiding the nose of your surfboard through at the same time that jongho dives under the wave. although your face still gets splashed with some water and your board trembles slightly in your grasp, you make it through the wave without tipping over.

“i did it!” you yell, shakily sliding yourself further up your board so that you can straddle it.

“you did it!” the boys respond excitedly.

jongho jumps up and down beside your board, prompting yeosang to slide into the water to join your side. you laugh brightly at the sense of achievement and at the sight of the two boys bobbing around you in a merry-go-round of exuberance.

“just a little more practice and you’ll be taking on the monster swells in no time,” yeosang declares. you know he’s exaggerating, but it makes pride bloom in your chest regardless.

somebody calls out your names and you all turn to look. it’s san standing near the waters, gesturing behind him as he yells, “we’re going to walk to the mart to get some ice cream. do you guys want to come?”

“yes!” you shout back, “wait for me!”

ungraciously tumbling off your surfboard in a hurry so that you can pull it back to shore, the boys chuckle at your eagerness. jongho grabs his board from out of your grasp so that he can carry it instead and the boys all trail behind you as you bound past san towards the pile of your belongings on the sand. while you sift through the heap for your sandals, your other hand subconsciously peels your clinging shirt away from your body. you feel the presence of someone coming up behind you and assuming it’s san, you straighten your back with a phone in your hand.

“san, you left your ph–” you start, except it’s yeosang, who bends down to pick up his towel and drapes it around you. it’s warm from the hours it’s spent in the sun and you can’t help the pleasant shiver that runs through your body. yeosang tugs it snugly over your shoulders and then takes the phone from your hand.

“here,” he tosses it to its owner, who falls into step behind you.

san nods his head in thanks and rummages under a towel where your sandals have been hiding before placing your shoes by your feet. “the ground’s pretty hot,” he says as he offers you his forearm to steady yourself with, patiently waiting for you to do up the buckles around your ankle.

“wait, i forgot my wallet,” you tell him once jongho and yeosang rejoin you after putting their surfboards away.

“don’t worry about it,” san reassures, “hongjoong’s buying.”

your ears perk up and he laughs because he knows exactly what you’re thinking. “yes, y/n. bleed him dry and order whatever you want."

"even a double–no, even a triple scoop?" you exclaim scandalously.

san's eyes drip adoration, "yes, even a triple scoop."

you run ahead with a cheer, blabbering jongho’s ear off about how if you get three different flavours and he also gets three different flavours, then you guys get to share six flavours, before yeosang joins in with excited chatter about how you guys can make it nine flavours if he does the same. you catch up with the rest of your friends and somehow, like a devilish cult, you all start to chant, “bleed hongjoong dry! bleed hongjoong dry!”

the oldest jokes that he only offered to pay for yours, not everybody’s, so mingi starts to tell you what he wants so that you can order in his stead, setting off a chain reaction as everyone else places their orders through you. they surround you, happy jostles and raucous snickers as you disappear in the middle of the group.

from behind, as san watches you grow closer and closer with his friends each summer, he can’t help but feel like he’s going to burst from affection and pride. he knows it will be a while until your parents move back to namhae, as is the same for himself until he graduates. but between his group of six– which will hopefully become the full eight next summer– and the group chat that you all made within hours of meeting each other, san is confident that you’ll never feel alone.

“if only wooyoung was here, then we’d have someone to grill the meat properly,” yeosang muses as he watches jongho flip and examine the packaging of the beef. “he’s the best cook out of us.”

“trust him to be a good cook, too,” you comment.

when you had first met yeosang, jongho and hongjoong, they had told you that there were two other friends who weren’t able to make it to namhae with the rest of them this summer. one of them was wooyoung, who naturally became part of the group after attending the same dance club as yunho, mingi and san. wooyoung had then been paired up with jongho during an inter-department project between the department of film & multimedia and the department of drama, growing close to the younger and by extension, to hongjoong, a senior in jongho’s drama society.

their other friend was seonghwa, they had told you; the oldest in their group and also in the year above like hongjoong. however, seonghwa attends a completely different university along with yeosang, the both of them undertaking a degree in education at seoul national university. they share some senior classes together, as yeosang had transferred from a law degree and had some of the credit prerequisites to jump ahead. and since yeosang is a close family friend of wooyoung’s, the three of them gradually became well-acquainted with each other.

it’s a running joke that you don’t need to remember how everybody knows each other– you just need to know that wooyoung is the common factor between them all, the person who decided that all of his friends should be friends with each other. so not only is wooyoung a social butterfly, seemingly charming and witty with good looks– should the boys’ track record stay true– but apparently he’s a good cook too. some people really just have it all.

“what else do we need?” jongho asks, haphazardly placing a few packets of the meat into the shopping cart he’s pushing.

“mingi said it would be good to make smores at the end of the night,” you answer.

last summer, during the final week that mingi, yunho and san were in namhae, you had all decided to have a barbeque feast and then spend the rest of the night huddled around a small campfire on the shores of the beach. it had been one of your favourite memories, simply basking in the peaceful buzz of summer and slowing your lives down just for one night to do nothing. you had suggested turning it into a tradition, and now that the final week of this summer has arrived, you’re all at one of the few grocery stores in namhae to stock up on food, snacks and drinks for the night.

“let’s see if they have marshmallows, then,” jongho makes a move to walk away.

hongjoong suddenly interrupts the conversation, appearing with an empty trolley in front of him. “get in,” he tells you.

yeosang helpfully points out, “that sounds like something a man with a tinted white van would say,” at the same time you question, “are we even allowed to do that?”

he beams, “i like to think that until somebody tells us we’re not allowed to do something, we are allowed to do it.”

“i can think of fifteen different reasons right now why that’s terrible life advice.”

the man simply nudges your side with the end of his trolley and you half-heartedly frown, “i’m really hoping this seonghwa friend is more responsible than you are, seeing as he’s older.”

“i hate to break it to you, but seonghwa’s worse,” jongho grimaces. “maturity ages backwards in this group, unfortunately.”

at jongho’s words, you turn to look for yunho, hoping that as the next oldest down the line he can talk some sense into hongjoong. only you’re met with the sight of the overgrown man pushing his own shopping cart with a very cramped but happy mingi sitting inside.

you sense defeat when hongjoong nudges you once more. “i can’t believe i’m doing this,” you mutter to yourself as he holds it steady for you to climb into. after all, you think, what’s life without breaking a few rules?

except nothing prepares you for the absolute madness that unfolds the moment your bottom touches the cold, metal gridding of the trolley. hongjoong quite literally revs the handlebar with engine sound effects, before charging through the aisle at full speed in an apparent race against yunho and his passenger princess. you hold on to for dear life, thinking that this will be over once you reach the end of the aisle. but both racers show no signs of stopping, instead drifting with sharp cornering into the next aisle as you screech. half of you is terrified, but the other half of you is starting to seek the thrill.

“faster, joong! faster!” you goad when you can see san standing at the end of the frozen section, waving an imaginary chequered flag.

both carts rattle past him in a close match, and as opposed as you were to the idea at first, you argue passionately against the honorary referee and the rival team over who won first place. even jongho and yeosang pick a side and claim that their eyes– from three aisles over– are as trustworthy as VAR playback.

it’s no surprise when the ruckus you’re all making gets a store manager sent your way. but by some saving grace, most likely the begrudging understanding that everyone has done this exact thing at one point or another growing up, the store does not kick you out. they let you finish shopping for the supplies you need, but not without the glares of the retail workers following you and your friends regardless of which aisle you try to duck and disappear behind.

with hushed giggles and not-so-subtle elbows in each other’s sides, your group hurriedly pays and places the multitude of plastic bags back into the trolley. san and jongho take one of the trolleys each and you all walk back to the cars to load the shopping. you would think that a scolding would deter any further misbehaviour, but when you all see the relatively empty parking lot, there’s only shared smiles of deviousness and glints of mischief.

if anyone were to look at the parking lot outside the grocery store that tuesday morning, they would see a group of seven friends, clad in an eyesore disarray of sweatpants, shorts, pajama tops and slippers, pushing each other around in shopping carts like bumper cars with shrieks of joy, circling around the dusty jeep and banged-up ute that has become an enabler of their connection and happiness.

you may all be doing the very things that your older selves will look back on with exasperated smiles and disapproving head shakes in ten years. but in the moment, you are unafraid; uncaring of what others think, because you have your friends by your side. and this, you think to yourself, is the essence of youth and summer.

you wish you were older. because being older means that you’ll have graduated, and being graduated means that you won’t have to fucking study for your fucking exams. you let out a groan and drop your head onto the table, making an audible thump when your forehead misses the thick textbooks and scattered notes, and hits the solid surface instead.

“hey, you need those brain cells,” someone gently chides. haneul stands at the doorway to your bedroom, watching your misery with a fond smile.

“can’t lose what i don’t have,” you mumble back.

“take a break,” she suggests. “do you want me to get you something from the bakery?”

haneul laughs when your head immediately turns to look at her, your left cheek pressed against the table by the cheeky smile that adorns your face. she chuckles again, “got it. i’ll be back.”

you absent-mindedly listen as the lock of your front door clicks shut and then let out a deep sigh at the silence that follows. it’s been a few hours since you first sat down and started studying but it feels like you’ve been reading the same sentence over and over again with no progress. pressing your forehead into the table again, you groan in frustration.

your ringtone goes off and your hand blindly fumbles around for your phone, sliding what you’re relatively sure is the answer button. “yeah?” you say into the receiver.

“someone’s a little grumpy today,” a teasing voice sounds.

“hwa?” you sit up instantly, looking at your phone properly.

it is him, not only blessing you with the deep richness of his voice but also the visual of him in a black tank top as he looks amusedly at the facetime you have answered. “are you still studying?” he asks.

you deflate a little, reminded of why you’ve been creating a crater in your table with your head for the past ten minutes. “mhm,” you hum affirmatively. “except nothing’s going into my brain anymore.”

“sounds like you need a break.”

“that’s exactly what haneul said,” you grumble, although you’re not entirely sure why you’re so opposed to their suggestions to stop studying.

“because we’re right,” he quirks his eyebrow. “what’s haneul doing at yours, anyway?”

“taking advantage of my netflix while i slave away to pass my exams. but she’s forgiven since she’s buying me snacks.”

“then take a break until she gets back and you finish eating. it’ll only be an hour, tops,” seonghwa convinces. “i’ll even set an alarm to let us know when time is up and i’ll keep you company when you study.”

you sag a little into your chair, shoulders relieving of their tension as you concede, which makes him smile sympathetically, “just a few more weeks to go until summer and then you’ll be free.”

“are you taking up summer school again?” you ask.

after san had added you and all the boys into a combined group chat, you had made friends with the two that you didn’t get to meet. you discovered seonghwa hadn’t been able to make the trip to namhae last year because he had chosen to take summer school instead. he had wanted to complete some of his degree requirements earlier in hopes of working part-time during his final year to gain practical experience. wooyoung, on the other hand, had had a portfolio due for his film class that required the majority of his summer if he wanted to complete it in time.

seonghwa grimaces at the memory, “no, not this time. it was a mistake, honestly. i burnt out so fast the first semester back that i didn’t even end up applying for any jobs.” he points a stern finger at you and warns, “don’t ever think about doing summer school.”

“trust me,” you laugh, “i have no intentions of ever doing that.”

you appreciate his advice regardless, because as immature as the other boys had made him out to be, seonghwa really does look out for all of you as the oldest of the group. and more often than not, you find yourself gravitating towards him when you need comfort or reassurance. “does that mean i’ll finally get to meet you?”

seonghwa nods, “woo as well.”

the screen of your phone suddenly splits to make room for an additional video as somebody joins the call. you hear his voice before his video even buffers. speak of the devil.

“oi! why are you all calling without me?” wooyoung complains.

contrary to the roll of your eyes, a smile makes its way across your face as you respond, “we’re literally calling from the group chat. no one’s leaving you out of anything.”

and as if his appearance is some sort of talisman, more of the boys start to join the call one by one. even hongjoong’s profile picture appears, camera off and on mute, wanting to feel included even if he’s in the middle of class. yunho and mingi pop up from behind wooyoung, so you’re guessing they’re busy practising in the studio. you wonder where san is.

someone asks you a question about how your exams are going, but you’re momentarily distracted by the buzzing notification of a text. “hang on,” you mumble, “let me just…reply to this.”

it’s one of your classmates, johnny, asking whether you’re home right now. you had accidentally slept through one of the review lectures earlier in the week and he had offered to give you a copy of his notes. from his text message, it appears he’s close by and able to drop them off now. you reply an affirmative and then click back into the video call, asking, “sorry, what were you saying?”

the drone of shared chatter about exams and the upcoming break fills the silence of your bedroom, like the fluttering breeze of a pleasant spring day. if they were not already so closely correlated to the warm, golden rays and salty spray of the summer ocean, your friends would be spring– the season of fresh air, blooming flowers and thriving vitality.

“someone looks happier. who are you talking to?” haneul emerges in your bedroom having come back from the bakery, holding a pastry box.

you didn’t even realise you were subconsciously smiling. “i’m facetiming the boys.”

she smirks, eyes glinting with mischief as she waggles her eyebrows suggestively and drags out her words, “i see. so who is it that you like? or is it all of them?”

“quit it!” you pretend to shove her. “want to say hi?” you turn the screen of your phone in her direction and there’s a chorus of obedient hi haneul’s as you turn up the volume.

she waves and peers at wooyoung’s video. “where’s the baby brat?”

from somewhere within the call, san yells out indignantly, “stop calling me that!” there’s a slight rustle as he walks closer to take the phone out of wooyoung’s grasp and when you peer to have a look, you can see that he’s sweaty and red-faced from finishing up a routine.

“you still respond to it, so,” haneul shrugs.

she disregards her brother’s continued complaints to drop the box onto your table along with a neatly-stapled stack of handwritten notes. “i bumped into johnny outside and he said this was for you,” she explains as you take it gratefully.

at the mention of a boy’s name, wooyoung shoves his nose towards his front camera. he rapidly asks, “who’s johnny? is he haneul’s boyfriend or what? why’s he giving you something?”

even hongjoong flicks a message into the group chat to ask, ‘who tf is jonny’.

you hold up the paper to show the boys and laugh, “he’s my classmate, guys. and he gave me notes because i missed the lecture.”

wooyoung frowns at your answer, clearly dissatisfied as he complains, “why is he giving you notes. and–what the fuck? did he hand write them? what a pretentious prick.”

you ignore him in favour of opening the pastry box to see what else haneul brought back for you. “how did you know i love these?” you exclaim.

she gives you that same, mischievous look from earlier and as she starts to exit your bedroom to leave you to your call and sweet treat, she vaguely answers, “how do you think?”

from over your phone, the others start to ask what you’ve got in the box, allowing a certain boy to easily slip unnoticed into the background. but it doesn’t take a detective to work out how– or perhaps you should say, who– told haneul about your recent cravings.

because if there’s one person who knows you the best, one person who takes notice of even the littlest of things, then it would be him.

hongjoong lightly slaps your thigh in retaliation as your laughter jostles his head that’s resting on your stomach, which only serves to make you laugh even harder. he lifts his head to grumble, “stop encouraging him, y/n. he’s going to think he’s actually funny or something.”

with a shaky exhale, you wipe a stray tear away, because you don’t think you’ve ever laughed this hard in your entire life. now that you see their whole group dynamic in action with the complete eight of them, it’s like watching a live sitcom.

wooyoung looks at him with a smug expression…then proceeds to yank the older’s sock right off his foot before throwing it into oblivion. hongjoong jolts up and dives for him and they immediately tussle about on the floor of san’s living room. amidst all of the commotion, san sneakily goes for seonghwa’s socks and you’re glad that you had peeled yours off the moment you had walked through the front door because suddenly everyone’s socks are a target.

the successful harvests that are tossed away are immediately snatched up by mingi, who hurls them under the table, behind the couch and on top of the television. you think you can see one dangling off the lights too, but you’re not about to snitch. jongho joins the corner you have taken refuge in and yeosang follows soon after, content to stay far away from the havoc that has quickly turned into wrestling. unfortunately, wooyoung is unable to let the three of you watch the world burn peacefully. he yells at the boys, who choose this to be the time to actually listen to him for once, and you’re all left scrabbling in different directions when they dive for you three.

it’s only the first day of summer and the second hour of officially meeting the boys as their full group of eight, but you can already tell that the next few months are going to be filled with absolute chaos and mayhem. and so the summer that marks san’s third visit back to namhae passes by quickly as you and the eight boys fall into an easy routine. hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. summer revolves around each other and there is never a moment spent apart.

you join the boys at dawn every day, clad in only a pair of shorts, a tank top and a light cardigan to shoulder because there’s still a slight nip of the early morning before the sun appears. you watch contentedly as they dance with the ocean on their surfboards– a duet of paddling out into the deeper waters and catching the breaks of the swells back towards shore.

the more you watch them surf, the more you start to realise just how much san has improved. you still recall the day san had fallen in love with the way the surfer used his own body and surfboard as an extension of the ocean, and you still have early memories of san’s lanky limbs flailing as he lost his balance over and over again, trying to replicate the same gracefulness. now, san is not just a dancer– he is the choreographer; the one who controls the ocean under his board.

as the early morning wears on, the serene crash of waves and intermittent squawk of the soaring seagulls are gradually interspersed with the boys’ rings of joy as they become more interested in pushing each other off their boards and splashing each other, rather than surfing itself. the strongest trio easily overpower everyone else and you shake your head fondly when the others don’t learn their lesson regardless of how many times they are suplexed underwater.

when the sun starts to wake up, they join you on the sandy shores, surfboards placed in a rough row so that you can all share them like seats. you lean against whoever is sitting beside you and watch the sunrise until your stomachs start to growl for attention.

greasy takeaway is always the foolproof solution. you share hearty burgers that are too tall to bite into and salty fries that are slathered in dipping sauce, sprawled out on the cool floorboards at san’s or yours, soaking in the refreshing coldness of the air conditioner on high without a care in the world for the electricity bill that is racking up.

afternoons are for the second round of the meal; bingsoo from the cafe, pastries from the nearby bakery or cheap ice cream from the mart. and after all the food, the best way to digest before you go out again at dusk to catch some of the waves is to take a nap.

the giant puppy pile of tangled limbs and human pillows is arguably your favourite part of the day. even if the ends of jongho’s hair tickles your nose and your arm goes a little numb from the way san hugs it and your neck feels cramped from resting on seonghwa’s shoulder, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

sometimes, when you’re all feeling rejuvenated, you’ll clamber into their three cars or happily pack yourselves into two and drive down the coast to one of the other beaches. the drive there is music blasting and scratchy singing at the top of your lungs with the windows rolled down, your flyaway hairs caressing the cheeks of the boys beside you. it’s rest stops to fill up on drinks and dessert– any excuse for more ice cream and a chance to make hongjoong’s wallet cry.

the trip back, on the other hand, is quiet, the designated drivers pressing softly on the pedals and turning with care so as not to jostle the sleeping passengers. you’re all exhausted and passed out against one another, faces pressed against a shoulder or the crown of someone’s head. slow music plays lowly in the background as the streetlights start to turn on like a warm greeting to welcome your group home.

and just as yeosang had once said, wooyoung is a good cook. dinner time becomes a bonding activity– as if every second of summer isn’t already a bonding moment– where you all experiment with different and increasingly complicated recipes. it usually ends up with him and seonghwa actually doing the cooking whilst everyone else eats the ingredients and tries not to accidentally stab someone with the knives, and dinner doesn’t usually actually become dinner until eight or nine o’clock.

but it doesn’t really matter when, half the time, the post-meal conversations turn into a slumber party after time slips away. if you retire early, you’ll sometimes be joined by haneul in your bedroom, who has stayed in namhae this summer. she’ll spill her workplace tea and you’ll gossip about your college peers late until the stars have long started to twinkle in the sky.

there are no scheduled bedtimes, no proper mealtimes, no time limits to complete things nor niggling guilt not to complete things– there is no formal routine. but when spontaneity and carefreeness become the everyday occurrence, that becomes the routine.

and as with any sort of routine comes the familiarity. familiarity finds itself in the way san sing-songs wake up, sleepyhead whenever you accidentally sleep in, and instead of shying under the covers at the sight of him in your bedroom, you whine for five more minutes. familiarity finds itself in the way yunho’s hands hover around the small of your back whenever you’re all walking to the mart for snacks and in the way wooyoung immediately reaches for the flavours he knows you like.

familiarity finds itself in the way you and hongjoong will bare puppy teeth at each other one moment then naturally use the other as a human pillow the next. it’s in the way jongho hides you when san tries to throw you into the water; the way mingi tucks your head into his shoulder when he spins you around in a hug; when seonghwa reminds you to reapply sunscreen whilst dotting the lotion along your cheeks and when yeosang quietly drapes you in his jackets after you get out of the water.

but the thing with familiarity, though, is that it’s easy for it to overshadow other things. rather than realising that there is a shift in dynamic or a change in heart, other growing feelings can be mistaken for familiarity instead. and you don’t understand this until you least expect it.

your hands fumble to catch the bottle of sunscreen that yunho has thrown in your direction before it ends up landing on yeosang’s face. he’s taking a nap on the towel next to you, disputing against everyone else’s remarks that he should take the opportunity to surf considering you’ve all made the two-hour trip to dadaepo beach.

you adjust the small umbrella that he brought along so that it covers his upper body, then uncap the bottle and lather the sunscreen over your arms and legs. it’s when you get to your back that you realise you won’t be able to reach all of your skin. san or seonghwa are usually around to help if you decide to forgo a cropped shirt over your bikini top, but they’re already running far along the shore and you can’t be troubled to yell out for one of them.

you’re starting to wonder whether you can get away with not applying sunscreen on your back if you just make sure you lie on it the whole time when hongjoong spots your plight in the form of a blank stare and squeezed lotion in the palm of your hand.

“your short arms can’t reach your back, can they?”

you imitate his laughter with an exaggerated tone, “who was it that needed my help yesterday putting sunscreen on his back?”

“maybe i just didn’t want you to feel too bad about yourself,” he shrugs and walks over to swipe the glob of sunscreen out of your hands. you roll your eyes, knowing fully well he’s incapable of taking care of you without pretending to cover it up with an insult.

“stop squirming,” he chides. the contrasting cold of the lotion and warmth of his hand sends a shiver down your spine and you try not to dwell on his gentle rubs for too long. he’s meticulous in making sure he doesn’t miss a spot, but he’s also careful and deliberate with his touch around the knotted strings of your top so that you don’t feel uncomfortable. hongjoong and the word ‘uncomfortable’ could never be in the same sentence though. but he doesn’t need to know that.

“there,” he pats your back twice like a mechanic would with the hood of a fucking car to signal that he’s finished his job and then callously walks away.

you decide to let him off the hook and settle down on your stomach to rest your eyes for a bit. yeosang knows what he’s doing, because the combined warmth of the sand beneath your towel and from the overhead rays makes you drowsy almost immediately.

you’re flicking your salt-crusted hair out of your face when a voice interrupts, “hi, i’m sorry to bother you.”

lifting your head up to look, you’re met with the sight of a girl around your age, timidly fiddling with the popsocket on her phone. you sit up and give her a polite smile, “that’s okay. can i help you?”

“um, i was just hoping to ask if he has a girlfriend?”

the boys are all scattered along the length of the beach, save for yeosang next to you, so you’re not entirely sure who the girl is referring to until you follow her finger. she’s pointing in the direction of hongjoong, who’s joined some of the others along the shore.

“the short one?” you clarify, smile fading a little as you shrug, “i’m not too sure, sorry.”

the girl shakes her head, “oh, no. i meant the boy on his left.”

choi san. you now fight to keep the smile on your face friendly when you reply, “not that i know of.”

the girl thanks you excitedly, walking off back to her group of friends who immediately huddle around her to hear your answer. you look away.

you don’t realise you’re staring at san until he turns in the distance and makes eye contact with you. his entire face lights up, eyes disappearing and shadowed dimples revealing themselves under the gleaming sun. wooyoung takes the opportunity whilst san is distracted to swing a handful of limp seaweed straight into san’s face and a laugh escapes you before you can hold it in. your best friend looks more betrayed by your laughter than by wooyoung’s antics.

the younger turns to look at you with pride and when he sees that you’re laughing, he blows you an exaggerated kiss and sends it flying in your direction with a teasing flurry of his hand. yunho charges in from out of absolutely nowhere and pretends to tackle the kiss mid-air, throwing the imaginary show of affection into the sand where hongjoong immediately joins in and stomps on it with his foot, before sending you a flying kiss of his own instead.

chaos ensues and both hongjoong and yunho run for their lives as wooyoung chases them with his deadly seaweed whip. he quickly realises that the taller of the two will be impossible to catch, so he locks in on the easier target and hongjoong screeches in fear.

you can’t help but shake your head adoringly as you continue to watch, eyes landing on san once more when the cat and mouse go tearing past him in a whirlwind of sand. san holds your gaze with a fond smile of his own and you have to remind yourself that it’s normal for the boys to have suitors.

you’re not dating san. you’re not dating hongjoong. you’re not dating any of the boys, and they’re certainly not yours. so then, why does it feel like they are? but most of all, why does your heart feel equally bitter at the thought of someone asking about any of the boys…not just your best friend?

the sight of the tube of aloe vera gel in the fridge– likely placed there by seonghwa– is a welcome sight. you had diligently reapplied sunscreen to your body with the boys’ constant reminders to reapply but you had carelessly forgotten about your face. you’re paying the price of your mistake now and the red skin across the apples of your cheeks and forehead is tight with a constant, dull throb.

grabbing the tube, you walk into the bathroom where hongjoong is currently blow-drying his hair, having callen dibs on the shower after the beach trip.

“hey, lil’ tomato,” he jests before he gets a good look at your face. “woah, that looks worse than it was an hour ago.”

you hum as you peer closer into the mirror, “this is probably the worst sunburn i’ve ever gotten before.”

hongjoong ruffles the back of his hair one last time under the dryer before unplugging it and setting it on the rack. he slips the tube of ointment out of your hands and then turns you by the shoulders to face him. that’s how you find yourself between hongjoong’s front and the porcelain sink, the edge of the countertop digging slightly into your lower back as you watch him squeeze a generous amount of aloe vera onto the tip of his finger.

he murmurs, “hold still.” with a light touch, he tilts your chin up so that he can see the angry skin of your face. the stark contrast between the characteristic roughness of his edges and the tenderness with which he applies the soothing gel on your face right now has you itching to tease him.

“admit it. you like taking care of me, don’t you.”

he rolls his eyes, “and you like being taken care of, don’t you. like when you needed your notes handwritten by johnny.”

ever since that one incident, the boys have never let you hear the end of it. they may not realise it themselves either, but really, they’re just trying to keep low tabs on this…classmate. even if the way they go about it reflects the emotional maturity of somebody half their actual age.

“i admit it’s nice to be taken care of. what about you, huh?” you challenge, poking his side testingly. “you like taking care of me, don’t you?”

you giggle when he squirms and you try it again to elicit another response, until he suddenly grabs your hand by the wrist.

“and so what if i do?” his words come out easily, but unlike the usual cockiness and flirtatiousness that he jokes around with, his tone is low and serious.

you don’t respond because you don’t know what to respond; you’re suddenly walking in uncharted territory– both in regards to his feelings and your own.

when his fingertips brush the area of your cheeks just below your under-eyes, you can’t help the instinctive flutter of your lashes. his eyes stare into yours and you swallow, noticing the way his gaze flickers down to follow the movement. there’s hunger in his pupils and longing in your chest. you don’t move away when he moves closer in.

your eyelids flutter closed once again, except this time in anticipation. his hands still cup your cheek and hold your wrist and when he brings his face down towards yours, you can feel the warmth of his body surrounding and intoxicating you. but as his nose starts to nudge the softness of your cheeks, hongjoong pulls away.

“sorry, i–this was a mistake. i shouldn’t be doing this,” he stutters. and just like that, the moment shatters.

“th–that’s okay,” you awkwardly smile. “this never happened.”

he nods without looking at you, “this never happened.”

you’re glad your face is sunburnt because you’re certain your face would be glowing from the embarrassment and shame you are overwhelmed with. hongjoong turns around before you can say anything else and leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone.

quickly, you lock the door and then stand there stunned into a stupor. because his…whatever the fuck that was, has given you startling clarity that he is right. you shouldn’t be doing this. you shouldn’t be kissing him when you want san and your six other friends equally as much.

and most of all, it was foolish of you to assume that he actually wanted something more than friendship. if hongjoong, the most flirtatious of them all, doesn’t have any romantic interest in you– or at the very least enough to want to pursue something more– then what makes you think you have a chance with any of the boys? what makes you think that any of them– much less all of them– would want you in the same way that you have now realised you want them?

in a way, your heart feels more at ease now. knowing that your feelings for the boys will be unfruitful one way or another, it’s much easier to ignore the now obvious lurch in your heart whenever they pull you into an easy hug or tell you that you look pretty. it’s easier to repress the longing you have for them when they help you put on sunscreen or surround your house with mischief and laughter.

you can’t tell whether hongjoong is actively avoiding you or whether he is conveniently busy with the other boys, but you suppose time apart right now is good for the both of you. after all, time is supposed to heal everything. and so even as the end of summer approaches and the much anticipated night of the barbeque and campfire tradition arrives, you keep your distance from hongjoong and he keeps his. simply two friends coexisting within the larger group of friends; nothing more, nothing less.

you’re all sitting on a patchwork of picnic blankets and beach towels spread around the small fire that san has constructed, now experienced from having made one three years in a row. haneul shares the towel with you on one side and yunho on your other.

dinner had been greasy meat grilled by wooyoung’s skilled hands paired with cheap alcohol that made you all wince when it went down. it had been finished off with skewered marshmallows– the most vital part of the night, as mingi had fervently reminded everyone.

someone had then suggested a round of ‘truth or dare’, which most definitely did not stop at one round. the flushed cheeks and tipsy slurs not only made the dares increasingly bizarre, but it made everyone daring enough to actually do them. as the night had continued on, the outlandish dares slowly trickled off and more of you picked to answer truth questions. with the mellowing ambience of the campfire and the clearing buzz of alcohol in your systems, it was only a matter of time before the night fizzled into calm.

“mingi,” haneul directs her question at the taller, “ if you were to date one of us excluding me, who would it be?”

his eyes dart from her to you and then to every single one of his friends. “i’d date you all,” he shrugs. “but if i had to pick one person, then probably yunho, since he’s been there for me from day one.”

yunho knocks shoulders with him appreciatively whilst joking, “your parents would love to hear that answer.”

you spot san and wooyoung cringing at the thought and you’re reminded of snippets of a conversation about surfing as a distraction and escape from home.

moving the game on, mingi asks seonghwa when he picks truth, “if you had to pick between love and friendship, which one would it be?”

seonghwa hums for a while, watching the dancing lick of flames. “i think it depends on the situation, because in the end, they’re not that much different from each other. in love there is friendship, and in friendship there is love. it’s impossible to say that one is more important than the other.”

there’s a collective boo as he skirts around the question, but you all understand where he’s coming from. it still doesn’t stop san from retorting, “the whole point is to pick one.”

seonghwa chuckles and downs half a shot to appease the other of his apparent half answer, then tosses the same question at him. “what about you, then?”

much to his disappointment, san actually has an answer.

“i would probably choose love. i think you’re right in saying you can’t separate love and friendship, but the thing that sets a romantic relationship apart is being in love,” he muses. “it’s hard to find friends you love, but it’s even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, so i would probably hold onto that no matter what.”

a few of you subconsciously nod along, words resonating with yourselves. haneul nudges you curiously, “what do you think?”

you relax into her side as you slowly formulate a cohesive answer from your thoughts. “i think i would choose love, too. i’ll admit it’s a much more difficult relationship than friendship and it often requires sacrifices to be made…it can even mean having to let go of somebody completely.”

hongjoong glances at you, guilt pricking at his chest.

“but at the same time,” you continue, “when you love somebody that much, sacrifice becomes something you want to give and are willing to offer to the other person, and you develop a depth of understanding, connection and intimacy strong enough to overcome anything that isn’t always possible with friendship.”

“you and san are both such gross romantics,” haneul pretends to gag.

“yeah, shoot us for it,” you poke her in the side. “wooyoung, truth or dare?”

“since everyone’s picking truth…truth.”

“who’s someone you’re sorry towards or thankful for?”

he whines indignantly, “why are we suddenly getting so personal,” but proceeds to think about his answer seriously. “if i’m honest, i’m sorry towards everyone. i know there are times i fall short as a friend and make mistakes, but you all always forgive me and embrace my imperfections so graciously. sometimes it makes me wonder if i even deserve you guys.”

there are immediate noises of protest and wooyoung smiles, waving away their words of objection because he knows that he’s wrong. it’s just that knowing doesn’t always stop him from feeling a certain way. “and of course, what i’m sorry for goes hand in hand with what i’m thankful for. but i’m also especially thankful for y/n,” he reveals.

your body reacts instantly to his unexpected answer, blood rushing towards your cheeks and ears as he looks at you appreciatively.

“i haven’t known you for as long as most of the other boys, but i’ve seen how happy and vibrant they are whenever they return to seoul or whenever they talk about you. and i can definitely see why, now. you make them happy–you make us happy.”

mingi clears his throat, jumping in to add to the younger’s answer, “when i’m here in namhae with you, with everybody, it feels like home.”

a home that he’s never really had until yunho, san, you, and the rest of the boys came along.

“so thank you for giving me a home here,” mingi looks at you earnestly.

if he were sitting closer, you would reach over and squeeze his hand reassuringly. instead, you tell him, “no matter how many years go by, you’ll always have a home here.”

“and the rest of us?” yunho jokes, lightly slapping your knee where your legs have slowly made their way into his lap over the night.

“you all have a home here,” you amend. because namhae is not the same without san, and namhae is not the same without the rest of your friends, either.

you continue asking each other questions, even after midnight has long ticked past and haneul has retired back to the beach house for some sleep. nobody wants the night to end, because despite already having been attached to each other’s hips all summer, the time you are spending now around the campfire is different. life slows down and the nine of you are the only ones to exist along with the stars and the ocean waves.

“you know what we should do?” wooyoung pipes up when you are all quietly watching the fire. he grins, “we should do that thing where we shout at the ocean.”

“just…straight up scream?” hongjoong frowns.

a smile starts to spread across san’s face as he understands wooyoung’s vision. “no, like our dreams. regrets. confessions,” san elaborates, making a move to stand and brushing the sand off his shorts.

seonghwa questions, “are we really doing this?” and yet he stands up as well.

“when will we ever get a chance to do this again?”

one by one, you all get up on your feet and wander down the beach closer towards the water. it’s silent, save for the crash of waves, while you eye each other and wait for somebody to start it off.

yunho clears his throat, then yells his next words from the very depths of his chest, “i want to become a famous choreographer!”

there are shared giggles at the striking contrast in volume after hours of low, heartfelt conversation, but it’s enough to fill the rest of you with courage and desire to do the same.

“i want my parents to accept that i won’t be a lawyer like they wanted me to be!” yeosang calls out.

mingi takes a huge breath with his entire body, “i hope i’ll win the lottery one day!”

you all break out into laughter, happiness and vigour running high through your veins. it definitely feels a little silly and a little childish, but is that not the charm of living in the prime years of your youth and spending it with your friends?

reservations now completely thrown to the wind, the boys holler and yell both serious and unserious aspirations with their entire soul, cupping the sides of their mouths with their hands to carry their voices further out across the waters. you watch them with deep affection and tenderness and your eyes suddenly start to well up with the intensity of your emotions.

thank you for showing me what love feels like. you can continue to love them as friends, and that is already more than you could ever ask for.

taking a deep inhale of the chill of emerging dawn and blinking away the blur in your eyes, you join the boys and yell your heart out to the ocean. your screams blend together into a symphony of dreams and hopes; the swell of the chorus and the pinnacle of the movie.

and even though you’re all half-delirious from the lack of sleep, hair ruffled and mismatched pajamas wrinkled, it feels like anything and everything is possible in this moment. from here on, it’s the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring.

you’ve known johnny since you started attending namhae’s provincial college. being from a relatively small cohort and the same degree no less, you share most of your classes together. there’ll be a few times throughout the month that you’ll find yourselves sitting in the seat beside each other and maybe once a semester that you’ll complete a group task together.

he’s easy enough to get along with, conversation sprinkled with terrible jokes and random puns that remind you of yunho’s silly humour. you know for a fact as well that they’re the same height too, which sort of makes you wonder whether being tall has something to do with the way their funny bone develops, considering mingi’s humour is just as questionable.

you and johnny aren’t exactly distant enough to only be classified as classmates, but you’re not exactly close either. so it’s a surprise when, after summer ends and it marks a new semester, johnny asks you out on a coffee date on the weekend. (except the more you think about it afterwards, the more your seemingly random interactions make sense. why he asks for your number even after the group project is over. why he offers to drop off handwritten notes for you. why he sometimes favours sitting with you as opposed to with his own friends.)

initially, you tell him that you’re not interested, any potential awkwardness dissipating the moment he dramatically wails that he’s been rejected, much like hongjoong had when you had first met him. but then a week later, johnny coolly slaps an envelope onto the surface of your lecture table and struts off without looking back. when you open it, you realise it’s a three-page handwritten essay detailing his pros and cons in an attempt to try and win you over.

it reminds you of wooyoung, when he had made a whole presentation on his laptop complete with photographic and videographic evidence to try and convince you that he was the best dancer out of himself, san, yunho and mingi. like your friend, johnny’s efforts are honestly a little too hilarious and a little too endearing to reject for a second time, and it’s not like johnny has done anything to suggest that he’s a creep or murderer. so you let him take you out on the date.

he chooses to go to the small, quaint cafe that’s about a fifteen-minute walk from campus. coincidentally, it’s the one that you and san used to frequent before he moved away to seoul. johnny tells you to try the chocolate hazelnut dacquoise slices, which you do even though you know you prefer the strawberry ones more. the sweet mouthful makes you think of san, always offering you the first bite of his chocolate dacquoise in hopes of converting you to the flavour.

johnny pays for your dessert and drink and you two end up sitting in the cafe long after your plates have been cleared and mugs emptied to their bottoms. it turns out he likes spending time at the beach just as much as you do and he tells you of his summer trip to the maldives for his casual modelling gig. you’re not entirely surprised to learn of his part-time endeavours, considering you’ve never seen him dressed in anything less than loafers, chino shorts and a neatly-pressed button-up shirt. plus, johnny is objectively very attractive with his strong brows, chiselled jawline and dark locks of hair.

he offers to walk you home after your date, shrugging off his white button-up and passing it to you when you exit the cafe. it’s still warm enough in the afternoon to not need the extra layer, but you’re reminded of yeosang’s quiet yet perceptive gestures and it makes you smile nonetheless.

the weekend leads to a second date, followed by more time spent together. he finds reasons to see you throughout the weeks– the sun’s out which means you two should take a walk along the beach; he fell asleep during yesterday’s lecture which means you two should study at the cafe; he has a basketball match on the weekend which means you two should practise shooting hoops together.

and when you’re not physically spending time together, johnny likes to facetime you just so that he can ‘see your pretty face’. the frequency with which he compliments you randomly throughout the call is almost on par with seonghwa, who always sweetly observes when you're wearing a new lip tint or different hairstyle.

johnny’s laugh, be it in person or over video call, never fails to make you laugh with him. it’s boisterous when he doubles over with laughter and his eyes disappear when he chuckles. you can’t help but see jongho’s own adorable giggles in him.

after several months of courting advances, johnny asks to make it official. you say yes, because you have fallen for him.

and so, like the dwindling campfire that had marked the end of summer, you snuff out the remains of the fire in your heart that has been burning for san, hongjoong and the six other boys, leaving the last of the embers to their fate. left alone, they will slowly die out, completely extinguishing the flames and leaving only ashen remnants behind…or the sparks will continue to fight unnoticed; until they rekindle and turn into an uncontainable inferno.

“with all due disrespect, his parents don’t fucking deserve to be parents,” wooyoung spits out.

yunho tucks the blotchy aftermath of mingi’s heartbreak a little tighter into the crook of his own neck, other hand softly tousling the ends of the younger’s hair. the boys have only just managed to settle mingi into one of the beds in their shared dorm rooms after he had shown up at the dance studio barely holding it together by his last thread.

“i don’t think any of us had high hopes for them, considering the things he’s told us about them over the last few years,” seonghwa sighs as he pulls the blanket over mingi’s shoulders.

“but for them to just fucking disown him like that? do they even realise how much it took for him to come clean about us?”

san gently pulls wooyoung away from the bed, lest he wake up the boy in question, and massages his clenched fist open. yeosang sidles up to the pair, “do you think we could go down to namhae a few days earlier this summer?”

“that actually might be possible,” san chews on his bottom lip and takes out his phone to text his parents. “it’ll be a nice surprise for y/n, too.”

“she’s in for a few surprises,” jongho comments before nudging the boy next to him. “hopefully you didn’t scare her off after what you did.”

hongjoong scratches the nape of his neck at the jab, “yeah, i hope i didn’t fuck things up for all of us.”

“you still haven’t talked it out with her?” san looks up from his phone.

hongjoong grimaces, “no, but how could i? she said to pretend that it didn’t happen.”

“and you just took her word for it? god, that’s literally the universal response anyone would automatically give in a situation that’s utterly and mortifyingly embarrassing,” wooyoung throws his arms up into the air. “i wouldn’t be surprised if she says no to us after all.”

“look, i’ll talk to her when we see her again. the semester’s nearly over, anyway.”

san nods, “my parents are fine with us going down a weekend earlier. and i agree with hongjoong on this one–it’s probably something they should talk about in person, not over the phone. let’s just hope we haven’t missed our timing with this.”

there’s only a few more weeks left until summer, minus one week now that they have decided to make the trip down to namhae earlier for mingi’s sake. and regardless of what your answer will be to the question that they’ll ask you– be it yes or no– it still won’t change the fact that everything will be okay once they get to namhae. because everything is okay as long as you are by their side.

there’s a man standing by your side, and it’s not one of them.

it’s strange to see you holding hands with someone that they don’t know. of course, it’s inevitable that you would have your own friends in namhae and from college, and of course it’s inevitable that you would have friends of both genders. but the way you have your fingers interlocked with his looks anything but platonic.

the boys are familiar with the way their own hands feel with yours nestled in theirs; from when you squeeze yourself between two of them and happily swing your intertwined hands back and forth; when a large wave threatens to topple you over and you instinctively reach for them for support; when you’re curled up against them and absentmindedly fiddling with their fingers whilst watching a cheesy summer romcom. but right now, their own hands feel unfamiliar– oddly empty and unable to make up its mind as to whether it wants to relax or tighten into a fist, even more so when you make eye contact with them standing outside san’s house and freeze.

you haven’t told the boys about johnny yet, only that you had news you wanted to tell them in person once they came for the summer. but now that they are here, standing right in front of you and your boyfriend, you suddenly feel a prick of guilt that you hadn’t given them a heads up of some kind.

you slip your hand out of johnny’s grasp under the guise of tidying your hair. if johnny notices, he doesn’t comment on it. instead, he asks, “you know them?” and settles his arm heavily over your shoulders. the action probably looks as territorial as it feels.

“yeah, they’re my closest friends,” you answer louder than you need to, because you feel like you have to defend them– or yourself. “san’s from namhae, too, and the others are from different provinces. they go to college together in seoul.”

“oh,” your boyfriend makes a noise, “it’s them.”

hongjoong feels awfully smug at that comment, because it means that you’ve talked about them before. he feels even more pleased when you slightly step out from under the man’s arm. but then your next words have his expression darkening again.

“i was going to officially introduce him to you guys on your first day…i just wasn’t expecting it to be today,” you gently place your hand on johnny’s forearm. “this is johnny, my boyfriend.”

immediately, the boys recognise his name– how could they forget, when the name has never once left their subconscious since the moment he was mentioned. a fleeting thought enters hongjoong’s mind. if he had not pulled away that night– if he had kissed you instead of being a coward– would it be him standing by your side as your boyfriend right now?

and hongjoong is not alone in his thoughts. wooyoung’s teeth grit together as he wonders how different things may have turned out if only the older or he himself had been bolder with their feelings. if only any of them had plucked up the courage to make the first move. because you dating any of them would automatically put their heart infinitely more at ease than the literal fucking stranger who is standing by your side.

you’re about to tell your boyfriend the names of the eight boys in front of you when he raises an eyebrow at you, “you didn’t tell me your friends were all guys.” his tone isn’t accusatory, per se, but it’s definitely not cordial, either. this side of johnny is completely new to you.

seeing the flustered look on your face irks wooyoung in every way possible so he interrupts, “and why does it matter to you?”

johnny levels him with a look for several seconds before smiling placatingly. “you’ll understand when you get a girlfriend,” he dismisses.

immediately, there’s a palpable spike in tension. “sorry?” wooyoung scoffs.

san sets a firm hand on the back of wooyoung’s neck and you lowly murmur your boyfriend’s name– respectively scruffing the two men. you didn’t know what to expect introducing your friends and boyfriend to each other. but the start of what looks like it has the potential to turn into a fight was definitely not on the list.

in a lame attempt to change the topic, you comment, “you guys are here early this year.”

there’s a beat of silence that’s a split second longer than you deem comfortable and yunho clears his throat, “yeah…things ended up this way.”

the vague comment and pointed look in your boyfriend’s direction tells you that there’s more to it than they are letting you onto right now. you make a mental note to talk to them once johnny leaves…if he ends up leaving. but the heavy weight that is still draped around your shoulder shows no intention of removing itself.

even though your instinct is to run up to the boys and receive all the hugs you have missed, and their instinct is to pull you away from the unfamiliar man and back into the intimacy of their group, the arm around you is a stark reminder to everyone that you’re not single anymore– that there are now boundaries to respect. instead, your friends are left to shuffle awkwardly on the spot with wavering gazes as if they have caught you doing something they weren’t supposed to see.

“do you have classes today?” san dares to ask.

“not today. we were just…out,” you reply. on a date, it goes unsaid.

“well, we’re headed for the beach,” san hates the fact that he even has to ask his next sentence, “do you want to join us?”

looking at johnny, you hate the fact that your immediate answer isn’t to say yes. he glances at you and then answers on your behalf, “we’ll join. it’ll be nice for us to get to know each other, since it seems like we’ll be seeing each other often this summer.”

“not if you don’t show up,” wooyoung mutters under his breath, but he’s not really trying to be quiet about his disdain.

you fake a smile and push your boyfriend towards the entrance to your house. “we’ll get changed and then meet you guys down at the beach.” you don’t wait for an answer before shoving the front door open and shut again in quick succession behind you.

“wait here,” you tell johnny, “i’ll get you a spare pair of shorts,” then you disappear into your bedroom and let out a deep exhale, closing your eyes to clear your head.

you had spent the last few years embracing the changes in your relationship with san. every summer marked a change in your friendship group– a new chapter each year as you rewrote the group dynamics with additional people to love and be loved by.

this summer, like the others, also marks a change and beginning of a new chapter, but now you’re realising that not all chapters in a story will always be happy. instead, some chapters will mark the beginning of the complication.

it feels like an unusual mix between deja vu and an out-of-body experience as san straps the leash of his surfboard around his ankle. his gaze follows your form and he watches silently when you’re picked by the waist and tossed into the ocean. it looks all too familiar– except instead of him being the one who brings the laughter out of your squeals, it’s that annoyingly tall and irritatingly jacked dude that is your boyfriend.

san can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips as he peels his eyes away. if johnny makes you happy, then objectively, san wants nothing more for you. but he cannot help but feel that you are undeserving of anything less than the entire world; something he and his boys are willing to give to you. but life is all about timing and it seems like they’ve missed theirs.

he’s distracted by the sight of you and johnny in his peripheral vision, even as he paddles out into the deeper waters with yunho. the taller is uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes repeatedly flickering back and forth between you and mingi. mingi needed this trip more than any of them combined, but there’s an uneasy feeling in the pit of yunho’s stomach that’s telling him the appearance of your boyfriend is only just the beginning of a rocky summer.

regardless of their combined years of surfing experience, both yunho and san seem to continuously lose their balance on their boards today. and despite the saltiness of the sea water that flows into san’s mouth each time he falls– no longer the graceful choreographer of the sea– there’s a bitter taste on his tongue that he cannot get rid of no matter how many bottles of water he drinks over the rest of the day.

it follows him even when the sweet fragrance of fresh pastries and syrupy drinks permeates the air the moment he walks into the bakery you so adore after your group walks from the beach. san pulls the glass door open for you, wind chime tinkling softly overhead, and he has to resist the urge to let go of the door handle when your boyfriend also walks through without so much as a word or glance of gratitude.

before san walks up to the counter, he instinctively turns around to check your order before he adds it to his own like he has always done. “strawberry dacquoise and grapefruit ade?”

you’re about to nod when johnny steps into place beside you and asserts, “she likes the chocolate ones.”

san keeps his voice as even as he can and refutes, “no, y/n prefers the strawberry ones. i would know, considering we’ve been going to this cafe together since we were twelve.” he emphasises the last word, clearly telling the other that he is the one who has known you since you were young and therefore knows you the best out of anyone, boyfriend be damned.

not backing down, johnny turns to ask, “is that true, babe?”

you swallow uncomfortably, mouth suddenly dry. “i like both,” you evade.

but your lack of denial says more than enough and johnny’s frown deepens almost immediately. at his expression, you rush to amend, “i know you like the chocolate ones more. it makes me happy sharing them with you.”

“you should’ve told me,” johnny fusses. but opposed to disappointment at not having known your preference for strawberry, he seems more displeased at having discovered this fact through your male friend.

san notices how apologetic you start to feel and he absolutely despises how unfamiliar it looks on your face. if this is the type of boyfriend that he is giving you up to, then san is not prepared to let go of you at all.

“or maybe you should’ve noticed,” he shrugs nonchalantly in your boyfriend’s direction before smiling tenderly at you. “i’ll order your food. go find a seat with seong–”

johnny’s voice is heated when he interjects, “no, you won’t. i’ll pay for my girlfriend’s food.”

you’ve never heard him talk with this tone before, much less seen him act this way, but his words suddenly strike you with clarity and reasoning. with a relationship comes adherence to mutual boundaries and expectations, and although san is used to doting on you, the reality now is that johnny currently fulfills that role as your boyfriend.

“it’s alright, san. thank you,” you give your friend a soft smile. “johnny’s got it for me.”

san nods, defeated. your boyfriend gently nudges you in the direction of the tables, “go sit down. i’ll bring our order over when it’s ready.”

on edge, you walk to where some of the boys are already seated and slide in beside seonghwa, who has been watching the entire exchange silently. “y/n,” he starts.

you plaster on a smile, “it’s okay.”

seonghwa studies you carefully for a moment, then appears to make up his mind about something and returns your smile. except anybody can see that it doesn’t reach his eyes. “do you want to swap seats with me? that way you and johnny can sit on the same side.”

grateful for his thoughtfulness, you change seats and sit on his left just as wooyoung joins the table with an iced americano in his hand. he sets it down to drag a spare chair beside him, offhandedly commenting, “why are you even dating him? i don’t get what you see in him.”

he hisses when seonghwa kicks his shin from under the table, shaking his head, and you just give the younger a tight-lipped smile in response. you’re distracted by the buzz of your phone in your pocket. a quick glance downwards tells you that it’s a text from san.

sorry for putting you between your bf and i

you look up in surprise and find that he’s already gazing at you from where he’s waiting at the counter. his eyebrows knit together in apology and you shake your head, mouthing that it’s okay. san has always been the bigger person in any situation– with you, with friends and family, and even with people he doesn’t necessarily see eye to eye with.

your phone buzzes again, twice in succession, but this time the notifications aren’t from him. it’s johnny.

what’s his problem, god wants to get into your pants or sth

your boyfriend continues to tap away at his phone, expression marred with poorly concealed irritation. but he doesn’t seem to be referring to your texting exchange with san– you don’t think he’s even noticed. instead, he’s still hooked on the ordering incident.

slipping the phone back into your pocket and pretending you have not noticed the messages yet, you simply wait for johnny to grab the tray with your pastries and drinks before he slides into the chair next to you. and for the first time since dating, you find yourself comparing your boyfriend not to san, but against him.

it feels like you have spent the last two months treading carefully on eggshells. there are days you spend with both johnny and the boys and it becomes clear to everyone pretty quickly that they’re not warming up to each other. despite your best efforts to bring them closer, there is unmistakable tension that underlies every interaction that they have and don’t have with one another.

then there are the days you spend with just your boyfriend. he doesn’t mention your friends and neither do you, but you notice the way his gaze flickers to your phone whenever it lights up with a notification. like a mutual taboo, he simply continues the conversation after a pause and you don’t point it out.

and then there are the rarer days that you spend with just the eight of your friends, like today– the ones that feel like the old summers that you have started to yearn. and yet, even with the familiar essence of the past, you start to notice them. the subtle differences.

it’s not obvious at first. the casual displays of affection that have extended beyond habitual touches and have just become who they are are still there. but there’s something about the attentiveness with which seonghwa dusts the powdered sugar off of yeosang’s cheeks when he’s eating. or in the naturalness with which wooyoung moulds himself into san’s side when they sit on the couch. something in the way mingi’s entire body relaxes whenever yunho gently thumbs the nape of his neck, and in the softening of hongjoong’s eyes when jongho speaks up in conversation.

maybe it’s because you find yourself no longer a part of their shared love, regardless of how platonic it may be between you and the boys. ultimately, it’s easier to notice things when you’re watching on as what feels like an outsider. and it makes sense that the dynamics of your friendship would change, considering how deeply embedded physical affection is within your group and the fact that you now have a boyfriend, but there’s something more to their interactions– you’re sure of it. you just can’t put your finger on what exactly.

it’s that thought that reminds you of yunho’s words when he and the rest of your friends had turned up a week before the start of summer. “what did you mean about things having ended up this way when you guys came down to namhae early?” you suddenly ask, eyes looking away from the television screen where the round of their game has just ended. “and wasn’t there something else you guys had wanted to tell me about?”

clearly not having expected your questions, yunho blinks as he formulates a response, “yeah, there is. just–maybe talk to mingi first. you’ll probably want to hear it directly from him.”

and hongjoong needs to talk to you first, too, yunho thinks to himself. except, he wonders whether there is even a point to it anymore.

your heart sinks at yunho’s words because you have a feeling it has to do with mingi’s parents. and his parents are never good news. right at that moment, mingi emerges through the doorway after his shower, a towel draped over his shoulders as he uses its ends to roughly dry his hair. he stops in his tracks when he notices you and yunho staring at him.

“i know i’m hot but you don’t have to make it that obvious,” he jokes.

you snort and shake your head, getting up to your feet and walking over to him as yunho watches knowingly. “come sit outside with me for a bit?” you ask mingi.

he agrees, pulling the towel off and tossing it onto the back of a chair to dry. you catch a whiff of san’s shampoo when he moves, the fragrance of cedarwood and bergamot that all the boys end up being scented with each summer filling your nose.

the two of you sit on the embankment just outside san’s house, legs dangling off the edge of the port. you can just barely toe the start of the sand but mingi easily shuffles his feet in it, drawing lazy patterns in your company. after a few minutes of peaceful silence, he nudges you gently albeit playfully, “did you want to ask me something?”

you chuckle at having been exposed and nudge him back in response. he never budges, torso bigger and more muscular than you can move, but it doesn’t stop you from trying and him from laughing endearingly.

“i asked yunho why you guys came down earlier this summer and he said to ask you,” you peer at him, treading carefully with your next words, “is everything okay?”

he takes a breath, exhaling long and slow. “i came out to my parents,” he reveals. “told them i’m bi and…they didn’t take it well.”

mingi doesn’t need to elaborate for you to understand that his parents didn’t just ‘not take it well’. you can only imagine the hell that broke loose. “oh, mingi,” you sigh, eyebrows knitting together with hurt.

“i also told them that i’m dati–”

the sound of the door opening and the call of your name stops mingi from finishing his sentence. it’s yunho with a ringing phone in his hand. “you might want to take this call,” he alerts you.

frowning, you make a stand to reach for your phone, asking, “who is it?”

he glances down awkwardly at the screen that is still on. “your boyfriend.”

you’re just about to slide the answer button when the call disconnects and you see that including the one that has just ended, you have four missed calls.

“oh, shit,” you can’t help the curse that slips out of your mouth. four missed calls is never a good sign from anybody, much less your boyfriend, who has also sent you several texts asking where you are.

seeing the darkening of your expression, yunho misses the girl whose biggest worry was the number of ice cream scoops to scam hongjoong out of. he misses the girl whose smile was brighter than the reflected sun on san’s surfboard. most of all, yunho misses the girl he has fallen in love with.

“y/n, i’m going to be honest with you,” he hesitates slightly. “i don’t think he’s the right one for you.”

you know that yunho’s looking out for you and his heart is in the right place, but it’s not what you want to– or need to hear right now. and perhaps, there’s an inkling of you that already knows. still, you try to keep your voice even when you reply, “i’d know if he’s not.”

you turn to mingi next and shoot him an apologetic look, “i’m sorry but i should probably call him back. we’ll talk later, yeah?”

mingi doesn’t know when later will be and neither do you. but he simply nods and lets you go, watching dejectedly as your form disappears back into your house at the same time san steps out of his. he had been carefully observing from the window the moment yunho had walked out with your incessantly ringing phone in his hand.

“guess he takes priority over us now,” mingi sighs.

san looks at him bittersweetly, “that’s what happens when you find somebody you love. like johnny is her priority, you are my priority and yunho’s. in fact, you’re the priority of five other people as well.” despite the fact that he is shorter, san still reaches up to flick mingi’s nose affectionately as he fondly states, “aren’t you lucky.”

mingi scrunches his nose in retaliation and san diverts the topic, “now come on, are you going to just stand back and let yunho win the game again?”

the younger grins, light returning to his eyes as he cheekily suggests, “you distract him while i cheat?”

“i’m right here,” yunho protests, but he’s shaking his head dotingly. together, he and mingi make their way back into the house, hands finding each other as they pass through the threshold.

san lingers behind and stares at the closed door of your house. for the longest time, you have been one of san’s priorities, if not the priority. over the last few years, the number of his priorities have steadily grown and you now share the top of the list in his heart with seven other boys. your happiness is san’s priority, as is the happiness of the others.

but what happens when interests start to conflict and your boyfriend– and by association, you– becomes a reason for unhappiness amongst the people he cares so dearly for? what happens if there comes a day where he must choose between his priorities and push somebody down the list, or worse…completely out of his heart?

you’re just as troubled when, half an hour after his missed calls and your subsequent response asking to meet up, you and johnny aimlessly wander the streets of the neighbourhood. the air is tense and despite the cry of cicadas, the silence from the lack of conversation is the only sound that you can hear. you can tell that he’s displeased by the fact that you had been with your friends, but you’re not exactly happy with him right now either.

you know an argument’s brewing– one that has been long coming, perhaps since the start of summer. you could have chosen to take the night to cool down, but it will eventually boil over one day, be it him or yourself. better to address it now than wait until it’s too late, and perhaps you can salvage it before it does boil over.

“why did you call me so many times?”

johnny knows you’re not only asking about tonight, and definitely not only about his phone calls. and yet, your tone is not accusatory, only genuinely curious and open to understanding his reasoning and emotions. solely because he feels guilt starting to prick his insides at your question does he make an attempt to reign in his childish jealousy that has reared its head so many times in the last two months.

“i didn’t know where you were,” he halfheartedly answers. “i thought something had happened.”

you both know it’s a lie– a pretty bad one at that. you had texted him just mere hours ago telling him that you would be at san’s. at his excuse, you raise an eyebrow.

“i don’t like the way they look at you,” johnny finally admits, partially showing his true colours. “especially san.”

you had guessed just as much and you can see why he might feel that way, but you want him to see where you’re coming from, too. “we grew up together, johnny. we’re each other’s best friend and he doesn’t like me like that.”

warm breath ghosting over your lips and then disappearing just as fast flits across your memory. “none of them do,” you emphasise. “and i’ve been transparent about hanging out with them when you’re not there, haven’t i? i literally texted you a few hours ago.”

he hesitates, “i was busy playing basketball with my friends. i missed your text and then you didn’t reply or answer my calls…” the way his voice drops off the more he talks is a good indicator that he knows the patheticness of his justification.

“and i was busy with my friends, too,” you reason. “you’re not glued to your phone, and neither am i.”

you continue when he stays silent, “you’re my boyfriend and i understand that it can make you feel uneasy when i hang out with so many guys, but you have to understand that they’re my friends, and my closest ones too. i would appreciate it if you give me more space when i’m with them, but i’ll also try to make sure i’m reachable on my phone so you have a piece of mind.”

you look at him and search his eyes for any indicators that he has more to say. from the way his jaw clenches subtly, you know that he’s disgruntled at best. but to your surprise he does not protest, instead nodding and walking you back to your house. you can’t tell whether the silence this time is slightly better or just as suffocating.

when you reach your front door, the lights are still on in the neighbouring house and you can hear the muted ruckus of laughter. as you unlock your door and pull it open, your boyfriend surprises you once more by calling out, “i love you.”

you learn a lot about a person simply from the things that they say, and sometimes–

“i know,” you reply gently, before shutting the door.

–you learn even more about a person simply from the things that they don’t say.

it’s two weeks after your conversation with johnny when he runs into some of the boys at one of the beachside cafes without your presence.

with autumn just around the corner, you’re spending the day transitioning the rice seedlings, now almost at the height of your thighs, from the wet paddies to the drier fields since your parents aren’t in namhae to do it. only mingi, yunho and jongho are helping you out; you had discovered the hard way last summer that letting all eight of them help you was, in fact, counterproductive when there were more plants being trampled on than safely moved.

and so while the four of you are working in the rice paddy, the remaining boys sit on the cafe terrace that overlooks the beach about a ten-minute drive from your and san’s houses. a hush suddenly falls over their conversation, elbows inconspicuously nudging one another and shoulders tensing when they spot your boyfriend making his way towards the cafe with a small group of his own friends.

a smirk graces johnny’s lips when his gaze falls upon the five of your friends, ignoring the courteous nod of acknowledgement that seonghwa attempts to make on their behalf and instead walking closer onto the cafe’s terrace. it’s not clearly audible, but it’s definitely direct enough for the boys to make out the words when johnny walks past and mutters, “fuckin’ pussies.”

wooyoung immediately reacts. “what the fuck did you just say?” he growls threateningly as seonghwa squeezes his thigh in anticipation of him standing up.

johnny pauses to look at them with faux innocence, “i wasn’t talking to you guys, but i guess if you’re offended–”

it’s hongjoong who rises to his feet first, chair screeching as it slides out from under his knees along the wooden deck. “you say one more fucking word,” he starts, eyes thunderous and fists turning white at his sides.

“and you’ll what,” johnny sneers, “run to my girlfriend crying? ask her to have a little talk with me?”

at the mention of you, both san and wooyoung join hongjoong on their feet. “watch what you say,” san looks at him dangerously. “don’t bring y/n into this.”

the commotion is starting to attract the attention of the staff and other customers in the cafe. seonghwa slowly stands, preparing to step in before it can escalate into something physical as yeosang grips the seat of his chair.

johnny steps closer and scoffs, “that’s bullshit. you guys can’t even take care of your own feelings so you have to hide behind my girlfriend like a bunch of pathetic losers. it makes no fucking sense for her to ask me to leave her alone when she’s with you guys.”

“and i bet it’s never fucking crossed your mind that maybe it’s an issue with something you’re doing–not us,” wooyoung reciprocates with his own bold step closer.

he’s suddenly jerked forward when johnny fists the front of his shirt and instantly everyone moves in towards the two. seonghwa wedges his arms against their chests to prevent wooyoung from getting dragged further forward, though the younger is fiercely standing his ground, teeth bared and eyes murderous. save for yeosang, who comes to stand protectively behind him, the remaining two boys are swept up into the beginnings of a scuffle as johnny’s friends step in as well.

“look at you, all riled up,” johnny goads, ignoring the hands that are trying to keep him subdued. “and she tells me that you don’t all want to fuck her?”

seonghwa inhales sharply as he attempts to overpower both wooyoung and hongjoong, who is now extremely determined to connect his fist with your boyfriend’s face. but to many of their infuriation, the fist doesn’t get a chance to hit its well-deserved target when there’s a firm shout over the commotion.

the cafe manager harshly warns, “we’re going to have to ask you all to leave the premises, otherwise we’re going to call the police.”

“wooyoung! hongjoong!” seonghwa hisses. “it’s not worth the trouble. stop!”

there are a few tense seconds of heaving chests and grinding jaws before johnny lets wooyoung go with a shove and hongjoong begrudgingly and slowly lowers his raised fist.

“you bitches got lucky this time,” johnny glowers. he beckons to his friends with a jerk of his head, still glaring at wooyoung, then kicks a chair out of his way as he leaves the cafe. in the wake of the confrontation, seonghwa turns to look at the manager and creases his eyebrows in apology, bowing multiple times to the other employees and customers too.

the manager nods wryly, “you and your friends are still going to have to leave.”

“we understand,” seonghwa replies, beginning to usher hongjoong and wooyoung towards the exit. “we’re truly sorry.”

as the five of them walk out, his eyes dart around anxiously in case your boyfriend and his friends are still lingering around. muscles taut and on edge, seonghwa makes a decision as the oldest. “let’s go home,” he declares, “we can wait there.”

they pile into the jeep wordlessly and san turns on the ignition, pulling out of the small car park and heading back to his. they’re only a few minutes away when wooyoung breaks the silence, “so who’s gonna tell y/n that her boyfriend’s a fucking asshole and that she needs to break up with his sorry ass?” he fumes. “because if no one’s going to do it, then i’m going to tell her the moment we get home.”

“wooyoung,” seonghwa starts.

“no, don’t wooyoung me,” he snaps. “he’s a fucking pretentious dickhead and she needs to know that. i don’t even care if we don’t ever get to talk about that other thing with her anymore. all i care is that he never gets to show his face in front of her ever again.”

seonghwa rubs his temples in frustration. he argues, “look, i agree with you and i’m not saying we shouldn’t tell y/n. but we need to put our feelings aside and think about this rationally, otherwise we could end up hurting her.”

“i think she’s going to get hurt regardless of how we approach it,” hongjoong snarks as the other levels him with a look.

“the campfire night is only a few days away,” yeosang points out. “maybe we should wait until that’s over…you know how excited she and mingi get about it each year.”

hongjoong protests, “and wait for her to bring johnny along on the day? sorry, but not even seonghwa is going to be able to stop me from sucker-punching him to the ground.”

“surely she’s not going to bring him. it’s a day just for us,” yeosang frowns.

san feels their questioning gazes settling on him and he glances in the rearview mirror to confirm his hunch. “i don’t know, probably not?” he answers whilst shrugging, turning into the small street that leads to your house. “but honestly? i think we should wait until after that day to talk to her. i don’t see the point in ruining it for any more of us.”

seonghwa agrees and adds on, “and only one of us should have the conversation with her. san, you’re probably the best person out of us.”

san hums in agreement, slowly braking the car to a stop before he turns in his seat to look at the rest of them. “i’ll find a time to talk to her and in the meantime,” he looks at wooyoung and hongjoong gently, knowing how frustrated they must be feeling, “we wait.”

there’s only a few more days until the campfire– they only need to hold out for a little longer until then. what could possibly go wrong?

“are you sure it’s a good idea to leave hongjoong and y/n to get the snacks together?”

seonghwa tenderly thumbs yeosang’s lips from out of his teeth, where he has been biting the corner of his lips in worry, and answers, “he’s hopeless at buying all the other things and she knows what snacks we like the best.” seonghwa knows hongjoong’s way of being confrontational is stark and direct, but he also has faith in the other that he won’t prematurely bring up your boyfriend and risk hurting you with the conversation.

you make your way down the snack aisles of the grocery store with hongjoong and it feels both familiar and foreign. there are no shopping cart races or invisible finish flags this time– only the two of you and the baskets in his hands as he carries whatever you pluck off the shelves. it’s been a while since you’ve had time alone with hongjoong; not since the incident last summer.

looking down at the shopping baskets, you put another packet of banana crisps in before commenting, “let’s get some sweet things and then that should be enough for the ten of us.”

hongjoong cocks his head, “haneul’s coming?”

“...no,” you look at him carefully, “johnny is.”

“johnny? you’re joking.”

you frown at the sudden coldness in his tone, “he’s my boyfriend, hongjoong.” johnny had been strangely adamant about going today and you had also noticed he seemed to be irritated about something. so quite frankly, you weren’t about to tell him no.

“and he’s also an asshole, you know that? why are you even dating him?”

you know your boyfriend and your friends still aren’t on amicable terms, but you’re honestly getting tired of feeling like you have to justify yourself and your dating life. and considering you have just had a talk with johnny to try and make things better for everyone, you can’t help but feel like you are being pushed into a corner yet again.

“asshole or not, at least he’s honest about his feelings for me,” you retort pointedly.

“oh?” hongjoong scoffs in disbelief, “is that what this is about?”

you challenge him with a glare, “what do you think i’m implying?”

“so i’m the bad guy now? i thought you liked me. since when did you stoop so low as to throw yourself at any guy who makes a move on you?”

your jaw drops. “you know what? what the fuck is your problem?” you shove his chest in anger. “let’s not forget that you were the one who tried to kiss me first and you were the one who also stopped. yeah, i did like you, but at least i’m willing to admit it.”

you step in closer, breathing heavy as you continue heatedly, “what about you? what the fuck have you done that makes you think you have any right to say that my decisions are wrong.”

hongjoong grits his teeth, “you’re making a mistake dating him.”

“yeah, you would know something about mistakes,” you throw back sarcastically. “but then again, you were probably happy to pretend it never happened and forget about it.”

“don’t fucking put words into my mouth,” he warns.

“it seems to be the only way i can get you to talk about us. you have no issues giving me shit about my relationship with my boyfriend, but when it comes to our relationship it’s radio silence for a year.”

hongjoong at least has the decency to look guilty when he declares, “i was going to talk to you about it face to face.”

“whatever, hongjoong. it’s too late,” you brush him off.

you snatch the baskets out his hands and walk away, no longer concerned over what snacks the boys will have for the campfire later tonight. you just want to get away from hongjoong, so you do exactly that. you leave him alone in the aisle to stare at the view of your back walking further away from him. life is all about timing and hongjoong has long missed his.

hours later, mingi scans the room from where he’s perched on a stool at the kitchen island in your house. everyone is either lounging around, preparing the meat and cutlery or setting up the grill and table outside– everyone except for one.

“where’s hongjoong?” he asks nobody in particular. he doesn’t think he’s seen the other since they’ve all come back from the grocery store.

“he’s resting in my room,” san answers. “said he wasn’t feeling too well but he’ll join us later.”

you roll your eyes at the knives you’re counting out, opting to keep your mouth shut. what san doesn’t say either, though, is that he knows something is off– hongjoong was completely fine this morning and you were definitely in higher spirits.

there’s an abrupt knock at your front door and you put the cutlery down, saying, “i’ll get it.” you know it’s probably johnny so you don’t bother squinting through the peephole before pulling the door open and blinking, “you look nice today.”

your boyfriend has styled his hair so that it slicks back from his forehead, parted down the right side of his scalp. he’s dressed in his usual smart casual fit but has chosen to pair it with accessories to accentuate his collarbones and wrists. he shrugs, “wanted to look good.”

you lead him to the open kitchen and immediately, you notice the shift in the air. a few of the boys give a tight-lipped smile in acknowledgement, but the expressions on wooyoung and san, and even yeosang and seonghwa go blank or two shades darker. hongjoong’s uncharacteristic cold feet suddenly makes a lot of sense to san now.

“you invited johnny?” san’s question is eerily monotone. a blunt knife may not be able to cut through rope, but with continuous abrasion and chafing, even the thickest of ropes will eventually sever.

your voice is not entirely friendly when you reply, “yes, san. i invited my boyfriend.”

“and why the fuck did you do that?”

san’s swearing has you reeling in surprise, but it’s quickly replaced by pent-up stress and anger that has been lingering for weeks and exacerbated by your argument with hongjoong mere hours ago. your entire body starts to heat up when san continues to criticise, “we’ve put up with him for long enough, don’t you think? it’s one thing for you to date him of all people, but it’s another thing to bring him to this.”

you laugh bitingly, no longer concerned about trying to deal with this maturely. all you can think about is how san is hurting you and how you want to hurt him back too. “so you can bring whoever the fuck you want each year, but i can’t bring my own boyfriend?” you retort.

the silence is deafening. nobody moves as they try to process the words that have just been thrown at them. yunho’s eyes are wide with confusion more than hurt at how quickly this argument has escalated, and he slowly raises his arms out in front of him, “okay, i think we all need to–”

“whoever the fuck–are we just ‘whoever’ to you?” wooyoung harshly interrupts. “we’ve been trying to look out for you and this is what we fucking get in return?”

you know that you won’t be able to take your words back after you say them, but they slip out anyway as you counter, “i didn’t ask any of you to look out for me.”

yunho’s arms fall limply to his sides and seonghwa looks away. wooyoung’s words are resigned and stony when he stares at you dead in the eye and says, “you know, y/n. we needed this trip this summer…more than anything. but thanks for ruining it for all of us.” then he brushes past your shoulder and slams the front door on his way out.

one by one, the boys follow him out of your house– first yeosang, then seonghwa, neither of them able to look you in the eye. when yunho and jongho hesitantly walk past you as well, they give you a small, apologetic wince. 

mingi still stands in the room. he has been quiet throughout the entire argument but his eyes tell a story of a million words. he’s filled with hurt and sorrow if not obvious by the wetness that starts to well in his eyes. “i guess you were just saying it when you told me i have a home here with you in namhae,” he chokes out.

your own eyes grow hot as you shake your head, “mingi, that’s not–”

but he leaves before you can say anything else. turning back towards the interior of your house– now looking far too spacious and vast without one of your friends occupying every available surface– you are left alone with just san and johnny. the heat of the fight is quickly slipping away, instead rushing all towards your eyes, and you call out san’s name. what for, you don’t know, but your cry is timid and desperate.

as much as it pains san to make a decision, mingi needs him– his boys need him, and they are his priority now. right there and then, san discovers for himself his final answer when it comes to choosing between love and friendship. he walks out of your house, turning his back on you.

you jolt awake feeling disorientated. your head feels clouded, eyes blurry from swelling and you’re still in the clothes from last night that you don’t recall falling asleep in. reaching for your phone, you wonder whether it has already ticked past noon for you to have woken up on your own, except you find that its dead. you roll over with a groan and plug your phone into its charger, then haul yourself upwards.

you rinse the stale taste out of your mouth before walking out to the living room and immediately, you’re hit with the memories and intense emotions of last night. there are packets of raw meat still unopened and bottles of soju still littering the table that you hadn’t tidied up. in the aftermath of the argument, you had told johnny to give you some space and to go home. you had then gone straight to your bedroom, covering yourself with the blankets in an attempt to hide yourself from the world and cried out your sorrows until you exhausted yourself to sleep.

you let out a long and heavy sigh, soul still exhausted to the very core, so you turn back towards your bedroom. you’ll clean everything up when you’re feeling a little more confident to face the consequences of last night. sitting on the edge of your bed, you reach for your phone. there are a few texts from johnny that you scroll past when something else catches your eye.

it’s a text from jongho, timestamped for 1:17 am. you and the boys rarely have a reason to message each other individually, preferring to use the group chat since there are no secrets shared. although, you suppose, none of you will be using the group chat for a while…

you tap on jongho’s notification. instantly, your heart drops all the way to the bottom of your stomach and past it. you think your heart is down in the fucking ground, because–

hey, wasn’t sure if you’d want to know or not but i think we’re going back to seoul in the morning

the numbers in the corner of your phone tell you that it’s already eleven thirty, and that’s when you hear it– the noise that had woken you up earlier. the distinct slam of a car boot closing shut. you jolt up to your feet, panic coursing through your veins as blood rushes to your ears and drowns out all rational thoughts. you forgo any shoes and throw your front door open to run outside, uncaring of the grit that digs painfully into the soles of your feet.

a brief flash of relief flickers across jongho’s face at your appearance but you miss it in your frenzy to make sense of what you are seeing. all three of their cars are parked in a line, their surfboards already strapped and secured to the car hoods or in the bed of the ute. the last of their luggage and duffel bags are being loaded and san is locking his front door.

every summer, the boys wait until the last possible second to leave, to the point where you have to forcibly push them towards their cars with fond laughter. it’s only thursday today and summer doesn’t end for another three days, and yet–

“you guys are leaving?” you ask apprehensively.

nobody answers you immediately. the only sound that punctuates the silence is the forceful slam of a door as wooyoung enters the car. hongjoong accidentally makes eye contact with you and his eyes narrow before he opens the door to his ute and also disappears.

jongho clears his throat awkwardly, “yeah, we’re heading back early.”

“oh…” you’re at a loss for words, unsure of how to react to this situation. “drive safe.”

like a parallel of last night, the boys enter their respective cars one by one, jongho giving you a subtle wave. guilt stifles you for the things you have said to the boys and you’re also consumed by hurt from the things they have said to you. but you know for certain that you cannot just let this friendship fall through the cracks like this.

as san makes his way to his jeep, which is parked at the front of the line as the lead driver, you watch carefully for any sign that things are still salvageable for your friendship. a smile, a glance, a nod– anything. but he simply pulls his jeep door open like you are invisible.

you hesitantly ask him, “i’ll see you next summer?”

san is expressionless but he may as well be glaring at you when he replies, “don’t count on it,” and for the second time of your life, he turns his back on you.

as san buckles his seatbelt in, trying his goddamn hardest to pretend he doesn’t see the tears now beginning to fall from your eyes, he tells himself that you’ve made your decision and he’s made his. he has chosen his priorities and will give you up, and yet, still he hopes that one day you’ll realise you deserve better and break up with johnny. san hopes that you’ll come across somebody more than better, even if it cannot be him.

before yunho also gets into the jeep, he pauses in front of you. he fists the sides of his pants to stop himself from reaching out to wipe your tears away. instead, he consoles, “i think we all just need a little bit of time, yeah?”

you nod numbly at his words. you’re forced to take several steps back out of the way after yunho also shuts his door closed and the engines hum to life in succession. unable to do anything, you can only watch helplessly as san’s jeep starts to pull away and the other two cars also follow.

“they’re finally leaving, huh.”

there’s only one person who would have amusement laced into those words. refusing to turn around in your state, you exhale shakily, “not now, johnny.”

“you honestly need better friends. everyone has a stick up their ass in that group,” he comments.

“i said not now,” you warn again, blinking the rest of your tears away when you feel anger creeping up in its stead.

“i should’ve just punched them when i had the chance to.”

you whip around to face him and yell, absolutely appalled, “johnny!”

“what?” he scowls. “they were the ones who started it.”

you grow deathly still. “started what?” you interrogate, and when he doesn’t let up, you step in closer. “johnny?”

“look, i ran into some of them the other day. that little fucker–wooyoung? he was basically asking to be punched. he’s lucky i let him off the hook,” he sneers.

you’ve known wooyoung longer than you have known johnny and you honestly find your boyfriend’s recount hard to believe. yes, wooyoung is hot-headed and rash, but he never reacts unless he has been provoked. or in other cases, his loved ones have been provoked.

“don’t you fucking dare call my friends fuckers,” you growl. is this who your boyfriend truly is? is this the person who your friends have been able to see through all this time?

“are you fucking serious right now?” johnny spits in your face, “you’re defending them? you always take their fucking side even though i’m your boyfriend.”

you spit right back, “and you know what? that was my biggest mistake. i should have never made you my boyfriend.”

johnny’s expression drops entirely. “are you breaking up with me right now?”

“yes, i am.” you confirm. “we’re over.”

you turn on your heel and for once, you are glad that he has shown up at your house, because it means you are a mere ten feet away from shutting your now-ex out of your life. you fumble with the door, vision rapidly blurring, then walk through and close it behind you. slowly, you lean back against the door. with nothing grounding you anymore, the tears escape your eyes once more and you don’t bother trying to hold back your cries.

all too fast, everything has come to a full circle of hurt. johnny turned his back on your friends, your friends turned their backs on you, and you have now turned your back on johnny. your chest shudders and heaves at the realisation, wondering where it all went wrong.

you want to seek out one of the boys for comfort– seonghwa or san– but you only end up dropping to your hands and knees, head dizzy from how hard you begin to sob, when you realise that that’s no longer an option. you all need time apart, both yourself and the boys. you know. but it’s much easier for them because they are going back to seoul together as their group of eight. they still have each other to lean on for comfort, whereas you are left behind to nurse your own wounds by yourself.

in the quiet of your house with the end of summer approaching in namhae, for the first time since meeting san, you are truly alone. it no longer feels like the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring. instead, it’s you against the world…and the eight of them.

haneul takes all but one look at you before she’s making herself comfortable on your couch, tugging a cushion into her lap and patting the space beside her with a commanding air of authority. her expression tells you that there’s no room for argument, so you sink into the couch next to her.

the bewilderment must be obvious on your face when she asks you to spill what happened with san, because she simply reveals, “san messaged the family chat when he arrived back in seoul. and we all know he would give up surfing before voluntarily leaving namhae early.”

you slouch in on yourself, “we fought.”

as surprising as it is to hear, since she’s never seen you and san argue before, haneul had an inkling that that was the case after her little brother’s vague reasons. she probes, “about what?”

you tell her about everything. how you started dating johnny, how the boys came early for the summer and how you tried to get them on friendly terms. how your friends were constantly telling you to break up with him and how your boyfriend was always unhappy about you spending time with them. you tell her about the near-kiss with hongjoong last summer and the confrontation you had with him this summer. the argument you had with all the boys and the break up with johnny. everything.

haneul’s quiet for a while as she tries to piece together your story and her own thoughts. “did they ever tell you why they were so against you dating him?” she finally questions.

you shake your head and she asks, “then did you try talking to them about it?”

you slowly shake your head again, slightly ashamed by your own answer. you had been so focused on finding fault in the different ways the boys could have expressed their disapproval regarding your boyfriend that you didn’t think of the multiple opportunities you had to work out why those opinions existed in the first place.

“what do you think of it all, then? obviously, you would have broken up with johnny for a reason–or did the criticism from the boys just become too much?

fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you look down at your lap. “he was a decent guy…up until summer and the boys came over. that’s when he started acting differently and,” you pause, trying to find a nicer phrase before giving up and settling on, “became an asshole.”

she nods, waiting as you elaborate, “he became more overbearing and possessive, especially when i was hanging out with them when he wasn’t present. and he was just always so pissed. he was dead serious about getting into a physical fight with wooyoung. and we both know that none of the boys would ever start a fight for no reason, much less a fistfight, so johnny had to be the instigator.”

the way that you are solely picking out the faults of your ex does not go unnoticed by haneul. “y/n,” she stares at you seriously. “are you upset about your break up, or your argument with the boys?”

her question stuns you because it’s quite obviously both, but she stops your reflexive response with the instruction, “think about it before you answer me.”

you close your mouth and look at your lap again to actually process your own thoughts and feelings. what are you thinking and feeling? johnny…you had sort of known already that he would not be a constant in your life for much longer. from the moment you had started comparing him against the other boys, it was already the beginning of the end.

but san and the others? they are and have been the sun to your solar system for years; your providers of vitality, warmth and summer who you cannot live without. there’s a constant, gravitational pull that keeps you all together, except the balance has now been thrown off entirely. you realise what the answer was all along and you quietly admit, “the argument.”

she places a hand over yours, comfortingly stroking your knuckles as she sympathises, “i think so too.”

promptly, you feel your eyes pricking with the sting of tears and in a moment of fragile vulnerability, you plead to haneul in a shaky voice, “what am i going to do without them?”

“come here,” she whispers.

she pulls you into her, your body immediately going slack in her embrace. you cling onto her like a lifeline, afraid that you are going to drown in your cries of anguish. you don’t know how long you stay buried in her chest grieving for the friendships you have lost, but your neck and back are sore with stiffness by the time you calm down. still, she doesn’t let go of you– not until you make the first move to pull away.

haneul continues to stroke your hair, soft shushing noises as she rocks you back and forth with her. when your shuddering breaths have resided and steadied out, she breaks the silence softly, “y/n, i think there’s more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like you’ve lost your closest friends.”

your throat is scratchy when you mumble, “what do you mean?”

“i can’t tell you because that’s something that you’re going to have to work out for yourself. but after you figure out your own feelings, talk to them. communication is the first step to solving any problem, and i think you’ve realised just how much miscommunication could have been avoided leading up to the argument.”

you know she’s right, but your chest shrivels up on itself in fear. “what if they don’t answer my messages or calls? what if they really don’t come back next summer?” what if they hate me forever?

haneul rests her cheek on the crown of her head, “if they take a step back, then why don’t you take two steps forward?”

her words slowly sink in and when they do, you inch out of her embrace. haneul cannot help the smile that adorns her own face in tandem with the one that starts to peek out along your lips. your face is still red and blotchy but there is now a ray of emerging hope as your voice trails off, “you mean…”

“yes, y/n,” haneul nods. you feel goosebumps spreading across your body when she affirms your thoughts.

“go to seoul and talk to them.”

summer passes and autumn comes. the days grow shorter as the nights become longer and the weeks blur into a haze of monochrome darkness. the leaves and flowers fall off the trees, nature gradually stagnating and waning into nonexistence, much like the groupchat you share with the boys that has remained untouched since summer.

in a feverish state of resolution the very same day you had cried in haneul’s arms, you had booked an express bus trip that would take you directly from namhae to seoul. yet, despite telling yourself every weekend that you’ll make the trip, the ticket remains unused. whenever you see your last message to san– a meek question asking if he had arrived back in seoul fine– that continues to stay unread, your courage crumples and you reschedule the date for the following weekend.

the cycle repeats itself well into autumn. that is, until he breaks it.

you’ve spent the last few days thinking about this very moment. there are only a few minutes left until midnight, which will mark the end of jongho’s birthday. you’re unable to count the number of times you have opened his chat, typed out a message, then exited without actually sending it.

currently, the text cursor in jongho’s chat blinks back at you like your own indecisiveness wavering back and forth between messaging him and not. the minute ticks over once more– it’s now or never. you let your thumbs skim across the surface of your phone before you can contemplate any further. it’s a simple message; only reading two lines.

happy birthday jongho how have you been?

really, you mean ‘how have you all been?’ because you cannot care about one of them without also caring about the others.

you lock the screen and toss your phone to the side, pretending you don’t care whether he replies or not, as if your phone is capable of sensing anxiousness and will sabotage his incoming messages– that is, if any come at all. but jongho’s last messages to you had been the ones alerting you that he and the boys would be leaving namhae prematurely. surely an indicator that this friendship isn’t entirely lost.

the lecture slides on your laptop may as well be written in a foreign language as you restlessly eye your phone, wondering if he has seen your messages. you know it will be fruitless to continue studying, so you steel yourself for disappointment and reach for your phone. to your surprise, there’s a reply waiting for you.

thanks y/n, i’ve been good

it’s simple and only five words, but that in itself speaks volumes to your relationship. your heart skips a beat when the messages in his chat shift upwards once more as a new text comes in like an afterthought.

i miss you

really, jongho means ‘we all miss you’ because you can be angry at someone, feel hurt by them, yet still love them all the same.

his confession stuns you frozen, your fingers hovering in place over your keyboard. it fills you with longing for more and hope for what may come, but also fear for what could happen. jongho has taken a small step to meet you halfway and you are absolutely terrified of messing things up once more. with your heart pounding in your chest, you carefully type out your next message, send it and then hold your breath.

can we call?

your fingers repetitively trace the rim of your phone case back and forth as you wait for a reply. there’s a rising swell of panic that continues to grow when nothing comes and you even exit and reopen the app. what you don’t know is that jongho almost trips onto his face in his hurry to untangle his legs from out of his blanket so that he can lock himself in the bathroom to call you without waking the others.

the phone nearly falls out of your grasp when the screen suddenly lights up not with a message but a call. you let it ring for a few seconds to gather your own composure before sliding the button to nervously answer, “hello?”

“hello?” comes jongho’s reply.

your voices overlap as you both simultaneously talk, “can you hear me–” “hi–yes, can you hear me?”

“yeah, i can hear you too, hi,” you breathe out, face breaking out into a smile.

the exchange has jongho letting out a giggle and the sound immediately releases all the tension that has built up in your body. your eyes start to mist over as you let out your own bashful laughter, because it is so much more than just missing the sound of jongho’s happiness. you’re reminded of crashing waves and windswept fringes; heavy surfboards and helping hands– the summer days when everything was happier and simpler. how did everything end up the way it has?

“thank you for replying to my message, jongho,” your voice is unsteady.

he must hear the way your throat threatens to close in on itself, because his voice is warm-hearted when he tells you, “no, thank you for reaching out first.” and as much as he finds it difficult to express himself, his next words spill out easily. “sorry i didn’t do it first…it must have been hard for you all this time.”

and just like that, so comes the first of many owed apologies. it doesn’t matter that you have to be awake in five hours to make it to your first lecture, nor that you don’t have a perfected script for all the things you want to apologise for. and it doesn’t matter that jongho is starting to feel cold sitting on the bathroom floor, nor that he can’t hold you like he wants to do. what does matter is that you’re both talking again.

as the night grows older, the conversation eventually flows away from raw confessions of your hearts to familiar topics of your mundane lives. it feels like the normal phone calls you used to have with the boys, except this time it’s only with jongho.

“what about you? have you been busy?”

you nod, even though he can’t see you over the call, “i’m trying to keep up with classes but it’s hard with all the assignments due soon.”

“yeah, i have another huge film project and it’s taking up all of my time, too,” he exhales, then tentatively asks, “what about…how’re things with johnny?”

it’s strangely exciting to clarify, “we actually broke up a few months ago.”

you can hear jongho’s sharp inhale even from over the phone. the conspiratorial tone of his voice painfully reminds you of wooyoung’s nosiness as jongho asks, “please tell me you broke up with him and not the other way round.”

“yes, i broke up with him,” you chuckle. “he talked shit about you guys the moment you all left, so i dumped him.”

“he deserved it,” he gleefully states.

“only i get to mess with my friends…literally.”

the joke is at the expense of yourself, but it feels uplifting to be able to start laughing about it now that you have started making amends, even if it is only with one person so far. knowing you have somebody on your side makes all the difference in the world.

“it’s actually sort of funny you say that,” jongho muses over the phone. “remember that truth or dare question? the one about choosing between love and friendship?”

you hum in affirmation, “san and i picked love.”

“and look at you, picking us over johnny,” he teases.

huffily, you banter, “picked you guys even though you all left me.”

there’s the tinkle of laughter from over the receiver, but it’s cut short by a faint knock. you hear jongho murmuring to somebody before his voice becomes audible again, “hey, sorry, i need to go now. someone needs to use the bathroom.”

you resist the urge to ask why he’s even there in the first place, but you just tell him that it’s okay, considering how late the time is anyway.

“i’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“yeah, tomorrow,” you affirm. the wide smile on your face makes your cheeks ache as you grip the phone to your ear and wait for him to hang up. you hear the sound of rustling as he stands up and turns the doorknob, then there’s a voice in the background asking, “is that y/n?”

but before you can try to discern who the voice belongs to, the call ends. you don’t let the slight disappointment dampen your spirits though and you fall back to lie on top of your bed. jongho’s last words to you have made you feel like a giddy teenager– tomorrow feels too far away.

but his words before his last words also make you feel like a teenager. only it’s not giddiness but the uncertainty and confusion that comes with adolescence as you try to navigate and understand your own feelings about something. in the face of the situation, had you truly chosen friendship over love contrary to your own expectations?

it makes sense at first to think that’s what has happened, but you’re suddenly reminded of haneul’s words– that there is more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like you have lost your closest friends, and that you need to figure out your own feelings before talking to the boys. if you have stood by your own values and chosen love over friendship, then that means…the heartbreak that you feel is grief not for lost friendship, but loss of your first loves– because you are in love with all of them.

that spark of feelings that had remained for the boys had never become fully extinguished. when you agreed to date johnny, perhaps it was only because he had reminded you of them and you had mistaken the flutters in your stomach for romantic attraction to him. and so, left unattended, that very spark has now flourished into a wildfire that can no longer be controlled, neither can it be contained– it’s time for you to talk to them.

you pick up your phone again and send out a message, this time with no hesitation. it reads, ‘i need your help’.

and the reply is immediate.

anything you need

it’s the first day of winter when you arrive in seoul.

you get off the express bus at the terminal with both hands empty and only the bag on your back; you don’t plan on staying for long so you didn’t bring much with you. immediately, your breath fogs up in the frigid air and you nestle more snugly into the warmth of your coat. there’s a reasonable crowd of people at the terminal, so you crane your neck in search of jongho’s familiar tuft of brown hair, who had offered to pick you up knowing that this was your first time travelling up to seoul.

the last text he had sent told you that he had arrived and was waiting for you at terminal six. as you make your way closer, eyes squinting to discern whether you are seeing things correctly, you think you’re able to make out jongho’s side profile leaning against a brick wall.

except, he’s not alone. your footsteps start to falter because seonghwa is also there. ironically, he’s the one who spots you from afar. he pushes himself away from the wall and turns his body towards you as jongho questions whether he has spotted you.

ever since the night he had overheard the younger on a phone call with you, seonghwa has been aching to make things right with you again. he had been afraid that you would want nothing to do with them anymore and that you would slip away from their fingers just like that. but here you are in seoul, just a mere distance away from him.

seonghwa’s eyes start to water and your expression crumples almost immediately with his when he opens his arms with an offer of an embrace. his feet rush to close the distance when you throw yourself into his chest, the cashmere of his coat rubbing softly against your cheek.

“i’m sorry, hwa” you murmur.

“i know,” he whispers, stroking the back of your head, “me too.”

jongho silently watches with a small smile and allows you both to have your moment of reconciliation with each other. as you breathe in the comfortingly familiar scent of seonghwa’s cologne, you gesture for the other to come closer so that you can pull him into a group hug. and here, surrounded by both of them, despite there being several other things you want to say– poems of apologies and ballads of confessions– for now, this is more than enough.

seonghwa is the first to pull away suddenly as if he has been electrocuted. “hang on, are you and johnny still…” he trails off.

despite the snort of amusement that leaves you, you’re touched by his thoughtfulness to maintain respectful boundaries. “don’t worry, we broke up,” you reassure him, then you jokingly turn to jongho with an incredulous look. “you told him i was coming up to seoul, but didn’t tell him that johnny’s my ex now?”

he rolls his eyes good-naturedly, “that wasn’t in my place to reveal. plus, seonghwa was the one who looked over my shoulder and saw your text asking for my help.”

said man pretends to walk away innocently. you and jongho laugh, trailing after him towards the carpark as you ask, “what was he doing in your dorm anyway?”

“he crashed for the night. our dorm’s close to his workplace.”

when you reach their parked car, seonghwa tugs the passenger door open, but instead of hopping in he gestures for you to go first. you indulge in his chivalry with a chuckle, even more so when he places a hand along the top of the door frame in case you bump into it.

“thanks, hwa,” you say sweetly, shuffling in further when he scoots in after you and leaves jongho alone to sit at the front of the car.

“great, not even ten minutes of making up with each other and i’ve already become the third wheel,” jongho grumbles as he turns the ignition on.

despite the huffiness in his voice, jongho’s heart sings with happiness to see you and seonghwa already getting along like normal. he is willing to be the third wheel– even the ninth wheel– if it means that you and his boys can shine together every day. but for that to happen, it all rests on how the next hour unfolds.

“ready to go?” jongho asks, eyeing you from the rearview mirror.

are you? are you ready to talk to all of the boys at the same time? seonghwa gives your hand a gentle squeeze, and jongho nods at you reassuringly from the front; you’re not going into this alone anymore. you nod, “i’m ready.”

the drive takes less than thirty minutes and before you know it, you’re standing right outside the door to jongho’s shared dorm with wooyoung and hongjoong. jongho swipes and unlocks the door with his access card, however makes no move to push the door open. the fact that neither of the boys say anything to rush you spurs you on with enough determination to enter the dorm. the volume of their chatter increases immediately without the barrier of the door, and you take slow, hesitant steps along the short hallway towards the direction of the sound.

you appreciate when jongho takes the lead to subtly show you where to go but it still feels like you are intruding– which, you technically are, considering two out of three people who live here don’t know that you’re in the dorm right now. rounding the corner of the hallway, you discover that it leads straight to the living room where all of the boys currently are. so it’s fucking awkward when the sight of you emerging completely kills the conversation and a collective hush settles over the room.

you have to fight everything within you not to turn on your heel and just flee, because nothing has prepared you for their initial reaction. you hate the fact that you cannot tell whether the shocked expressions on yunho and yeosang’s faces are ones of delight or displeasure. you hate the way that wooyoung and hongjoong’s bodies tense and become guarded, ready to tell you to leave their dorm. but more than anything, you hate the way that san and mingi cannot even look at you.

“holy shit,” yunho whispers.

that’s enough to set off the others and hongjoong angrily questions, “what the fuck is she doing here?”

wooyoung looks at jongho, “is this why you told everyone to come over?”

you defend, “i was the one who asked jongho for help.”

“i wasn’t talking to you–”

you cut wooyoung off, contrary to your next words, “can you just shut the fuck up for once? i’m not here to start another fight. just–hear me out, please. i’ll leave as soon as i say what i need to.”

he glares at you and everybody holds their breath as they steel themselves for another full-blown argument. but wooyoung does as you ask and folds his arms angrily. nobody speaks, waiting for you to talk as you finally put your bag down and sit a safe distance away.

you close your eyes and take a breath to compose yourself. you refuse to let yourself cry this time. you’ve done plenty of that in the last few months and you have finally come to terms with your own feelings. “i…i’m sorry,” you start.

somebody scoffs, but you ignore it and let the words from your heart take over. “i’m sorry for being such an asshole over the summer–for letting my ex get in between us and for ignoring all the times you told me he wasn’t a good guy. i shouldn’t have assumed that you were all okay with me bringing him along whenever we hung out and i should have asked before inviting him to the campfire. that was something special for us and it was selfish of me to do that.

“in particular, i’m sorry for how that night went down. i know it doesn’t excuse what i did, but i had an argument with hongjoong earlier that day and i was feeling strung tight. i wish i had handled the situation better when i felt confronted about bringing johnny along, and i acknowledge that the words i said can’t be taken back, even if i didn’t mean them.”

nobody needs reminding of the words that you are referring to, because it has sat just as heavily in their hearts as it has your own. the sight of mingi ducking his head down even further has your heart clenching painfully.

even if he isn’t looking, you apologise to him directly, “mingi, i’m sorry we never got to finish our talk. i know that you were going through a hard time and that that trip was meant to be something healing for you–for all of you. namhae was meant to be an escape, but it probably didn’t feel that way…because of me. i mean it when i say you’ll always have a home in namhae and i hope that one day, you’ll be able to trust me on that. in fact, i hope that you all know that namhae is not the same without either one of you boys.”

you hesitate, because not even jongho knows about what you’re going to say next. you avert your gaze to focus on the carpet just in front of you so that you don’t have to see their expressions. “it’s taken this fight–almost losing all of you–and breaking up with my ex to realise just how stupid and blind i am to my own feelings. i always thought i would be happy with just being friends…but you are all so, so much more to me than just friends and ‘whoever’. i think i’m in love with all of you and i know it’s unconventional, but…i guess love has no limits.

“but i’m also going to be honest. i’m still hurt by the things some of you said or did. it hurt that some of you criticised my decisions without thinking about how that might have made me feel. and i know it wasn’t your intention to, but i felt like i was being backed into a corner multiple times when you kept repeating the same things over and over again about my ex without any real constructiveness to your words.

“i don’t expect you to apologise right now, nor accept my apology, and i don’t expect any of you to respond to my confession. i want you all to have enough time to work out your own feelings…if you want to. if you find it in your heart to forgive me and if you want to apologise, pursue friendship again or…maybe something more, then come to namhae and tell me in person.”

there’s half a year left until summer, and as much as things can change in six months, you also hope that this gives you and the boys time to work out what you all truly want from one another– be it friendship or love. nobody moves or says anything, trying to process everything you have said so you decide to leave them to it, having done your part. you make a move to stand and sling your bag onto your back.

“you’re leaving already? where are you going?” yeosang abruptly asks, standing as well.

“back to namhae,” you explain. “i booked a return ticket for the same day.”

san frowns and for the first time since you arrived, he looks at you. “you came all the way here…just to talk to us for half an hour?”

you give him a bittersweet smile, “that’s how important this is to me–how important you all are to me.”

he looks away, unable to hold your gaze. you turn to jongho to ask if he is still happy to drop you back off at the terminal, who nods and begins to pull on his puffer jacket.

“wait,” yeosang calls out. he skitters off down the corridor, socked feet pattering against the floor as he grabs something from his bedroom and hurries back in front of you. “here.”

he has a thick scarf that he holds out for you to take, but as you start to reach for it, he changes his mind. you hold your breath as yeosang carefully reaches over your head to drape the scarf around you. with tender hands, he wraps it around your neck before securing it with a knot. he continues to fiddle with the ends of the scarf and you’re starting to wonder why he is hesitating when he looks at you shyly and mumbles something under his breath. before you can make a noise of confusion, he darts off once again back into his room. seonghwa cannot help but smile fondly, because even if he is unable to hear what the other said either, he knows what yeosang means purely by his actions.

you’re accompanied out of the door by jongho minutes later, carrying a plastic bag of snacks and drinks from their dorm that seonghwa has rushed to put together for you to have on your way back. when you’re in the car, you also find a pair of black gloves in the pocket of your coat. you have no idea who put it there, but the sentiment of one of the boys trying to ensure you are not cold is enough to fill your entire body with warmth.

you may have arrived in seoul with both hands empty and only the bag on your back, but you leave seoul with their quiet acts of apologies and forgiveness on your hands, neck, and in the plastic bag sitting on your lap as your bus pulls away back to namhae.

a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also stay the same. it all balances on the peak of the fulcrum, waiting to teeter either way as summer arrives.

you’ve kept in touch with jongho and seonghwa, so you haven’t been left in the dark anxiously wondering whether they will be returning to namhae or not. but even with their arrival, the uncertainty remains as to which way the scale has– or will tip.

so you don’t walk out to greet them when you hear the resounding slam of shutting doors and the low hum of exchanged conversation, because you don't know whether the other boys want to see you or not. plus, there’s something embarrassing about seeing them for the first time after apologising, much less confessing to them without any certainty as to their feelings, and much much less to eight people at once. you’re doing a pretty good job at hiding and pretending you are completely oblivious to their arrival in namhae.

that is, until mingi knocks on your door. mingi feels like he’s fourteen again, knocking on yunho’s door and crossing his fingers hoping to god that it’s his friend who opens it and not his parents, because mingi feels embarrassed asking them every day if yunho can come out to play. this time, though, mingi’s nervous because it’s you and he’s nervous because six months is a long time where feelings can change. he hopes that yours are still the same.

you’re greeted by a shock of platinum white hair when you open your door and you realise it’s mingi with freshly bleached hair. it looks good– a little too good– and you have to force yourself to peel your eyes away. except your eyes travel down involuntarily to the contrasting black of his tank top, which is at least two sizes too large and dips down dangerously to reveal the shadows of his chest. you’re down bad, and it’s only been ten seconds since you’ve laid eyes on him since seoul.

mingi is looking at you amusedly when you finally lock eyes with him and he seems to stand a little straighter with confidence. he beckons with a gentle tilt of his head, “come surf with us?”

the casualness of his invite throws you off and you wonder if you’ve somehow missed the memo that he’s forgiven you. “you’re all okay with me coming?” you blink confusedly.

“the others can speak for themselves,” he puts it plainly, but then smiles, “i want you to come, though. it’s not the same without you. plus,” his voice mellows out earnestly, “someone’s gotta welcome me home, don’t you think?”

home. home is where the heart is, and for mingi, regardless of the arguments and fights, his heart will always be with the boys and you. because in anger, hurt and love, there is always forgiveness, and mingi has forgiven you.

shyly, you return his smile, “i’ll go get changed, then?”

“is that an invite inside?” mingi leans against the doorframe with faux coyness that manages to make the rounds of your cheeks heat up. you shove him back lightly with a laugh, trying to ignore the firmness of his chest under your touch.

he grins boyishly, utterly pleased with himself, but steps back so you can close the door. “take your time,” he reassures. “i’ll wait for you.”

and he does, just so that you don’t have to walk alone to join the rest of the group. even after you have thrown on a swimsuit and slathered yourself with sunscreen as best as you can, mingi is still outside and yunho has also joined him– you know because you can hear them talking as you search for your house keys in the hallway.

“what if it’s too late?” yunho asks.

“you don’t know that, not until you try,” mingi replies. “here, a kiss for good luck.”

you have no idea what the context for this conversation is, but it suddenly strikes you that apart from mingi, you’ve never discussed sexual orientation with the boys. you may have asked them to consider you romantically, but you can’t say for sure if they even like girls. from what you know, none of them have dated before, and now you’re suddenly wondering whether any of the boys are dating within the group. mingi and yunho are certainly a possibility.

but regardless, you realise this is probably not something you should be discovering by overhearing a conversation, so you deliberately drop your keys to alert them of your presence and wait a couple more seconds before you open your front door.

for the second time of the day, you’re absolutely floored. yunho has dyed his hair an ash grey and it falls over his forehead and down the nape of his neck in messy locks. there must have been a fucking enticing buy-one-get-one-free deal, because he’s also wearing a black tank top much like mingi’s, except his is form-fitting and putting every damned muscle of his upper body on glorified display.

not that you’re complaining. but it’s also very distracting when you’re trying to focus on what mingi is saying as you all make your way down the beach towards the shore, their surfboards hiked against their hips.

“you guys go ahead, i think jongho’s calling for me,” mingi suddenly announces before darting off.

you’re left alone with yunho, and from the back of jongho’s head who most definitely doesn’t even know you three have joined the group, mingi’s plan to slip away has succeeded.

“um,” yunho hesitantly starts, “do you want to try paddling out on my board? i’ll stay close.”

the last time you had attempted anything on his shortboard, you had flipped over and swallowed several mouthfuls of salt water. although you’re not particularly keen on repeating the experience, some things don’t need to be spelt out– the reason for his offer. only one foot is needed to push a bicycle into motion, but two feet are needed to keep it in motion. so you nod and let him drag his surfboard towards the shallow waters for you.

as you trail beside him, seonghwa and jongho greet you enthusiastically on their own boards out in the horizon. yeosang waves too from further down the shore and you lose some of the tension in your shoulders when you know that the intention behind his scarf was not misinterpreted. only san and wooyoung do not directly acknowledge your presence, but unbeknownst to you, the younger is carefully observing your interactions with the others.

“here,” yunho says, garnering your attention.

he holds the surfboard steady in the water, waiting for you to lie on top. his hands stay even after you gingerly shift and balance your weight onto your front. with his guidance, you slowly paddle out past the rush of whitewater waves. yunho is barely waist-deep in the water so he easily manoeuvres you and the board as you try to recall the familiar motion of paddling against incoming swells. but both of you know that you’re not really trying to paddle and he’s not really watching for mistakes.

eventually, you languidly let the waters caress your body as you still, letting the slight waves gently rock your surfboard. one of yunho’s arms have shifted over your back to support the opposite side of the surfboard and your body tingles whenever his forearm brushes over you. his other hand rests near your own, your fingers grazing together whenever the board dances over a swell.

it is within the serenity and solitude of the ocean, and the warmth and proximity of each other’s presence that the conversation happens. yunho apologises and you forgive. it occurs as simply as that, because actions speak louder than words and you have already shared a library of novels with your bodies.

from afar, wooyoung’s internal debate continues to teeter on its fulcrum as he watches the moment you share with yunho. wooyoung may be fast to talk, but he is also keen to observe. he sees the glow of relief and happiness returning to the faces of the boys. what he said to you summers ago still stands true– you make the boys happy and it’s obvious they make you happy too. and all wooyoung has ever wanted is to protect the smile of his loved ones, including you.

the radiance of the smile you give when yunho pretends to flip your surfboard over reminds wooyoung of his failure to do just that. in his blindness for the others, he had sacrificed your smile. the scale teeters over the fulcrum and he follows the momentum of his heart to wade out into the waters where you two still are, his apology ready to spill out.

and so you discover that a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also change in one day. with each relationship that stitches back together, rips now reinforced and sturdier than before, namhae almost feels the same again– summer almost feels the same again. you may still have the two hardest conversations left to be resolved, but if more time is what they need, then you are willing to wait for san and–

yunho and wooyoung scramble to steady your surfboard before you actually tip over when you suddenly move to kneel, head whipping around to confirm your fears. you hadn’t initially noticed as the boys had been scattered, intermittently ducking back into the house, but your heart sinks as you count the number of heads again. you’re unable to fight off the dread in your voice when you dare to ask, “where’s hongjoong?”

yunho’s eyes don’t meet yours and wooyoung’s mouth thins out tightly before he cautiously answers you, “he didn’t come.”

san likes to think that he’s patient. ever since he was young, his father had made sure to raise him to wait. wait for elders to eat before picking up his own chopsticks; wait for others to walk through the door before he enters; wait for others to choose their preference before he picks his. and san likes to think that he has diligently applied this principle to his relationships too. wait to understand someone before criticising; wait for his own anger to subside before talking; wait to reflect on his own wrongs before expecting an apology.

but right now, san is impatient. he catches glimpses of the sweet messages you send jongho and seonghwa and the joyous cackles you share with wooyoung when you prank yeosang. he notices the way yunho and mingi are attached to your hips, and san wants all of that and more. he wants to tell you he’s forgiven you and that he’s sorry too; he wants to cup your cheeks and thumb away the phantom tears he caused; he wants to love you.

but his body is acting as if it’s an entirely separate entity from his heart. he’s unable to approach you, even as he watches everyone else do what he wants to and it frustrates him to no end. and it’s as if the gods themselves also became impatient with his pathetic attempts– or lack thereof– because they drop the perfect opportunity right in front of him.

a quick look at his phone tells san that he’s been tossing on the couch for the last two hours. sleep fails to take over, so he hauls himself up and pads softly towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. he stares out of the window above the sink, where he can just see the stretch of beach towards the right. the moon shines brightly tonight and the rays decorate the sand and sea foam with dreamy tranquillity.

there’s a quiet rustle above the stillness of the night. when san turns around, his heart immediately clenches at the sight. you’re sleepily rubbing the bleariness out of your eye as you shuffle your way into the kitchen. there’s a stray tuft of hair that san wants to reach out and smooth down for you, but he opts to grip his glass of water tighter.

you startle, not having expected someone to be awake and most definitely not san. you had stayed over late into the night watching a movie marathon with the boys, and despite your protests, they had convinced you to crash in haneul’s room. tension doesn’t exist between you and the boys anymore, only awkwardness with san and…avoidance with hongjoong.

“couldn’t sleep?” you murmur, voice unguarded and still thick with sleep.

san shakes his head, “you?”

“got thirsty,” you explain, grabbing a glass from under the counter.

he hums at your answer and then it grows silent again. it’s only after you drowsily blink at him that he realises why you’re not making a move to get water– he’s still standing in front of the sink. san starts to step out of the way but thinks better of it. reaching out to grab your glass, he fills it up with water and then returns it to you.

“thanks, sannie.”

it doesn’t register in your head that the nickname has slipped out. for him, though, it echoes and ricochets in the very caverns of his ribcage. hesitantly, he mutters, “you’re welcome, pipsqueak.”

it tugs a smile out of your lips. “haven’t heard that in a while,” you muse. “kind of miss it.”

and i miss you. san is impatient, and he finally decides that he cannot take it anymore. “i’m sorry, y/n,” he whispers. “i know how badly i hurt you.”

the haze in your eyes immediately fades away at his words and he takes it as a good sign to continue. “i’ll be honest. i hated that the person next to you as your boyfriend wasn’t one of us–wasn’t me, because it didn’t look like he was making you happy at all. and that day you were out working in the field? some of us actually ran into johnny.”

you acknowledge sadly, “seonghwa told me what happened. i’m sorry he was like that.”

“that’s not on you to apologise,” san refutes. “i was the one who asked the boys to keep it from you until we could properly talk after the campfire night, but along with everything that had led up to that point, all my frustrations accumulated without even realising it.”

“i guess that makes the two of us, then. there were arguments you and i both weren’t aware of, and we ended up being the last straw for each other,” you chuckle wryly.

his voice wavers, “i’m meant to be the one person who is always there for you, but i made it feel like you were pitted against the eight of us instead and i’m so sorry for doing that. it should never have been me against you, nor us boys against you. it should have been all nine of us against the problem.”

you can’t help but take the opportunity to tease lightly, “are you calling my ex the problem?”

“exactly that,” he deadpans. “we all did.”

you nod, “thank you for trying to let me know, even when i didn’t listen.”

“no, i’m sorry we didn’t explain ourselves more clearly–or earlier.”

“but you have now, and i understand,” you reassure.

he nods gratefully before hesitating, “there’s something else behind all this that i can’t tell you yet, not without the others here. but when things are…okay with hongjoong again, that’s when we’ll tell you.”

something about his promise tells you that it has to do with the other part of the conversation everyone has been skirting around so far– your confession. faint memories of the interactions observed between the boys last summer and the brief exchange you overheard between yunho and mingi flicker across your mind.

perhaps you should steel yourself for rejection. you don’t dwell on it, though. this may have been the first time your friendship with san had been so close to shattering, but you know that it will take more than the entire universe to completely break you apart; you still trust him– because before it was the nine of you, it was you and san against the world.

“then are we okay now?” you ask, needing the confirmation.

“yeah,” he smiles breathlessly, “more than okay.”

the caverns of san’s dimples– the ones you love so much– shyly peek out to greet you in the faint glow of the moonlight coming in from the window. he reaches out silently and you understand immediately. you intertwine your fingers together.

san wants to ask you to go to bed with him. not to do anything sexual, but to simply hold you against his chest; trace the curve of your nose; wake up to your sleepy smile in the morning. but he can’t, not yet. not until you’ve worked things out with hongjoong, and not until you’ve had a talk together– all nine of you.

he settles for tugging you in the direction of haneul’s bedroom, hand never letting go of yours as he softly ushers, “let me tuck you back into bed.”

and so fifteen years after your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer still takes the form of a sweet, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.

your instinctive reaction is to shut the door in hongjoong’s face.

when seonghwa had texted you asking you to open your front door, you had been expecting said man for obvious reasons. so when you pull the door open and see kim fucking hongjoong at your doorstep in fucking namhae instead, of course you slam the door shut. because why the fuck is he here?

“oh shit,” you curse, when it registers in your brain.

hongjoong is here and you’ve just shut the door in his face. if you had even an ounce of collectedness in you, you would realise that the boys’ initial and very much candid reaction of shock to seeing you randomly show up at their dorm in seoul is suddenly very relatable. you yank the door open again.

“sure, why don’t you just go ahead and punch me in the fucking face too,” hongjoong scowls.

immediately, you furrow your eyebrows, “well, if you’re offering…”

“oh, fuck off,” he raises his middle finger at you.

you raise both middle fingers in retaliation, “yeah, back into my house that you’re standing in front of.”

“for god’s sake–kim hongjoong!” seonghwa hisses in exasperation, head poking out of san’s door as he eavesdrops to make sure this exact thing doesn’t happen. “you’re here to apologise!”

hongjoong appears rightfully berated, then he looks at anything but you as he huffs, “can i come in?”

“depends,” you cross your arms defiantly. “are you going to try and kick me out?”

despite the prickliness of the conversation, it almost feels right in a sense. as if there’s no real heat behind your words and you two are back to the easy banter you used to have– before your near-kiss with him. this time, though, seonghwa hisses your name in frustration.

“geez! okay!” you fluster as you step back and open the door wider, letting hongjoong in and away from the prying ears of the older.

you sit tentatively on your couch and he mirrors you, scratching the back of his neck as he perches himself on the edge. it’s awkward and tense when it becomes apparent to the both of you that you’re alone. “i didn’t think you would come,” you break the silence.

he hums softly, “me neither.”

you don’t know how to respond so you don’t, allowing the quiet to settle over your living room once more. eventually, hongjong opens his mouth quietly, “i was–am ashamed of myself.”

you’ve been there before– on the other side of the conversation as the one doing the apologising. you know how difficult it is to be honest about your own emotions, particularly the negative ones, so you wait patiently for him to find the right words.

“i’ve been ashamed ever since the night i tried to kiss you. i was a coward and i did nothing to change it. i only ended up hurting you and i’ve regretted it every single day. i think about why i didn’t talk to you afterwards, why i said those things about you and your ex…why i didn’t just kiss you.”

you can’t help but inhale sharply at his confession, because that can only mean one thing.

hongjoong gathers the courage to look at you as he admits, “i did like you. i still do. but i was an idiot and thought that i was doing the best thing for everybody. i shouldn’t have made that choice for you nor tried to have a say in your love life. i was jealous and i know now how toxic i was being, which is why i was so stubborn about not coming to namhae because i didn’t think my apology would be good enough. so i’m sorry for all the things i said and did, but i’m also sorry that it took me this long to talk to you.”

he looks so uncharacteristically unsure of himself as he timidly asks, “will you forgive me?”

there’s not a moment of hesitation before you’re closing the gap between the two of you on the couch so that you can wrap your arms around him. and in a rare display of vulnerability, he tucks his face into the crook of your neck. you comfort, “i forgive you. there are a lot of things i’m ashamed of doing too. but we all make mistakes and that’s what helps us to grow.”

“you still like me?” he mumbles into your neck.

you laugh at the ticklish feeling, “very much so, hongjoong.” because in forgiveness there is love, and you have years of owed love to show the boys.

only when your sides become cramped and your necks become stiff do you finally pull away from each other. as you make eye contact with him though, you’re suddenly reminded of his confession. you know that you will need to have another talk with hongjoong about it, and you still don’t know where the other boys stand in terms of pursuing something romantic with you, but that will be for later. right now, you are content and at peace– the nine of you against the world once more.

“let’s go find the rest of the boys?” you ask.

he grins, holding a hand out to pull you up with him as he answers, “let’s go.”

just as hongjoong puts on his shoes by the doorway, he distractedly questions, “why are these here?”

you frown and follow his line of sight, settling on the top of the cabinet in your hallway where a pair of gloves sit– the ones you had discovered in your coat on your way back to namhae. “you know who they belong to?”

“yeah,” he nods, absentmindedly touching them before walking out the door. “i bought them last year, but they were too big so i gave them to san.”

it was san who hid them in your coat.

you numbly follow his steps outside where the boys have gathered in waiting and are sitting side by side on the embankment, facing the ocean. they are simply living in the moment, basking in the golden rays of sunlight and the warm touch of the person by their side– an arm around a waist; a head on a shoulder. you almost don’t want to disturb them, but you know the seven of them are not complete. not without hongjoong, and not without you.

and as your gaze meets san who smiles at the both of you, his chest swelling with relief, pride and love, you realise that san had bared his heart out to you long before you even knew.

once you fall back into routine with them, it starts to become obvious. the way the boys naturally gravitate towards one another with doting gazes and lingering touches; the casual use of a pet name or flirtatious joke; the shifts in dynamic you had noticed before that seem to extend beyond friendship. it starts to make sense when you realise that that’s exactly the reason– no longer are their relationships purely based on platonic love, but romantic love.

it’s why yunho knocks his forehead against mingi’s just to see him smile, and why san pretends to grumble when wooyoung kisses his cheeks, only to give the younger a proper kiss mere seconds later. it’s why jongho never lets yeosang carry his own surfboard even if he’s just as strong, and it’s why seonghwa and hongjoong like to disappear into the shower together.

but the longer you mull over these interactions for, the more you realise that they don’t seem to be simply ‘paired off’. you notice how jongho refuses to be cuddled but will nestle against seonghwa when he’s tired, and how yunho and yeosang seek out each other’s company before bedtime. you notice how wooyoung squeezes hongjoong’s ass underwater to make him yelp, and how san and mingi are content to just sit together on their surfboards on the sand.

rather than a question of who is with who, it becomes a question of who isn’t with who, and this time, you also find yourself mixed into the equation. but it confuses you whenever they treat you the same and you find yourself holding back despite your feelings, because it’s much harder to tell what kind of love they’re giving you when you yourself yearn for the intimate type.

san notices the change in your demeanour, as small as it may be, and decides it’s time for the talk. so here the nine of you sit on the beach that stretches in front of your houses. the sand is still warm from the sun even as it starts to dip towards the horizon of the sea. yeosang’s jacket lays over your bare legs and a slight breeze tugs delicately at your clothes.

“okay, so who’s telling her?” yunho elbows wooyoung as soon as the words leave the latter’s lips.

“what? how else are we meant to start the conversation?” wooyoung complains before mocking, “the reason i have gathered you all here today–”

rolling your eyes, you cut to the chase, “are you all dating each other?”

wooyoung chokes on his own words and everybody else looks at you with wide eyes.

“how’d you know?” yeosang startles.

seonghwa agrees, “i didn’t think we were that obvious,” but when you simply raise an eyebrow in response, he’s quick to amend, “okay, maybe we were.”

san eyes the others to see if anyone wants to step in and lead the conversation, but when nobody does, he speaks up to explain, “we’ve been dating each other for just over a year now–so before last summer. it took a bit of time to work everything out, establish boundaries and communicate what we wanted from one another, but we’re happy like this.”

“once our relationship had settled down a little, that’s when i came out to my parents,” mingi adds, “which didn’t go down well. we wanted to tell you last summer too, but…other things happened and it all fell through before we could talk about it.”

yeosang meekly scratches the back of his neck as he says, “it’s long overdue, but we’re telling you now.”

the chuckle that comes out of you is light and carefree. “i’m happy for you guys,” you affirm sincerely. “i don’t think there’s anybody else who is more perfect for you guys than each other.”

you truly do. you’re thankful that they have one another and you finally understand how hard it must’ve been for san during your argument to pick a side. his boys were and are his priority and you cannot fault him for putting them first. but then you’re reminded of hongjoong and his confession. are the others aware of his feelings?

said man has the audacity to frown at you in confusion. “why does it sound like you’re just wishing us well?”

“am i not allowed to do that as your friend?” you mirror his expression.

“god,” hongjoong exhales. “do you think we’re telling you this just to reject you?”

“of all people to say that–rub it in my face, why don’t you,” you grumble.

he starts to grasp the situation as he looks at the rest of the boys, “wait, did nobody fucking confess to her apart from me?”

the explosion of responses to his question is immediate.

“you confessed–” “–i thought we agreed to confess together–” “–trust you to cut in line! that’s not fair!”

your eyes dart wildly from side to side, unsure of who to focus on as they all start to passionately talk over one another. at one point, someone tries to chuck a handful of sand in hongjoong’s direction, but it scatters innocuously before it can even get close.

“hold the fuck up,” you yell over the commotion. “confess what?”

“how did you figure out that we’re in a polyamorous relationship but not that the feelings extend to you as well?” yeosang judges you.

“i didn’t want to project my own feelings and misconstrue anything. plus, none of you have actually mentioned liking or dating girls before, so i just…”

“assumed we didn’t have feelings for you,” seonghwa concludes as you laugh awkwardly.

wooyoung deadpans, “we may have wanted to punch your ex in the face for his shitty-ass personality because we were your friends, but we were also jealous as fuck.”

“all of you?” you ask in disbelief.

“all of us. some of us were just better at hiding it,” mingi looks pointedly at the boy sitting on his left.

“you’re one to talk about hiding your feelings,” hongjoong counters before turning to you to expose, “mingi wouldn’t shut up about you after he met you.”

mingi immediately shoves him backwards into the sand.

“look,” jongho cuts in, “what we’re trying to say is that we’ve all liked you for a while now, and if you still feel the same way about us, then we’d like to take our relationship with you to the next step.”

how many times have you wanted this moment– for all of them to return your confession. but now that it’s actually becoming a reality, it’s honestly a little daunting. “you’re all serious about this?”

a lot will change over the next year. most of you will join hongjoong and seonghwa as postgraduates and start full-time work. san will move back to namhae, but whether the others will follow or stay in seoul is unknown. there are a lot of uncertainties regarding the future and the relationship will only work if everyone is serious about making it work.

yunho answers on everyone’s behalf, “we’re very serious.”

you take a moment to look at all of them one by one, only to find the same promise within their gazes– that even if things become difficult, they want to face it with you by their side.

it feels right when san is the one to officially ask the question, “y/n, will you be our girlfriend?”

like san once said, it’s hard to find friends you love, but it’s even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, and you’ve been blessed with not only one, but eight of these people. between friendship and love, you already know from experience what you will decide– so you make your choice.

“i forgot, are hongjoong and wooyoung coming down this weekend?” san pokes his head in through the doorway.

you eye him from the mirror, face void of expression to reply, “don’t count on it.”

san’s pout is immediate and you laugh, shuffling over to console your boyfriend from where you had been getting ready in your shared bathroom. he grumbles, “you’re never going to let me hear the end of that, are you?” but he can’t hide the way his lips pull upwards the moment you press a chaste kiss against his cheek in apology.

“hongjoong said that there were a couple of delays with filming, so he and wooyoung can’t step away just yet. but they’ll come back next saturday if they can wrap things up by then.”

as you talk, san takes the halter straps out of your grasp so that he can help secure your top around your neck. “it’s so hard to align everyone’s schedules together. i miss the long holiday breaks we got in college,” you absently complain, body relaxing under the ministrations of san’s hands as he gently squeezes the nape of your neck.

“me too, love,” another voice joins the conversation. seonghwa walks up to tenderly ruffle san’s hair and nuzzles your temple with his nose. “but we have to work hard to pay off this house and to spoil you with whatever you want.”

seonghwa has grown out his hair and has kept it long since, and you love running your fingers through his silken waves before he goes to work every morning. he always looks so soft and cosy with his round glasses and fluffy sweaters that you know his school kids adore just as much as you do. but right now, his face bare of makeup and hair pulled back into a messy updo, wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts to show off his upper build, he looks the complete opposite of what you’re used to seeing and you feel your stomach doing flips in response.

you lean into both of their touches as you giggle, “we could have bought a smaller house. nobody sleeps in their own bedroom anyway.”

“well can you really blame us for being madly in love,” seonghwa grins, stealing a kiss from you that only serves to elicit more giggling.

“that’s true. your beds are always warmer than mine,” you agree.

“exactly. now come on, are you ready to go?”

the three of you walk downstairs to the living room, where the rest of the boys are waiting around in various mismatches of shirts, tank tops or only shorts. after two weeks of attempting to keep everybody’s clothes separate once you’d all moved in together, they had simply given up and made their wardrobes communal.

as you drop a spare bottle of sunscreen into your tote bag, a pair of arms snake themselves around your waist. you turn around, sweet smile ready to greet whoever it is. your jaw drops, “wooyoung?”

his eyes sparkle with mischief, even more so when your eyes grow even wider at the sight of hongjoong perched on the edge of the couch in the background and you exclaim, “hongjoong? i thought you two weren’t coming until next week?”

wooyoung takes the opportunity of your dazed compliance to pull you into a bone-crushing hug. “we caught up with the schedule,” he exclaims happily. “you should’ve seen hongjoong though. director kim made sure to work us hard.”

you playfully wriggle yourself out of the vice-like hug you’re in to bound over to the older, who automatically opens his arms to welcome you. you slot easily between his legs and his hands rub the sides of your back fondly as he looks up to ask, “did you miss me?”

forgoing an answer, you lean down to kiss him. wooyoung immediately complains, “why didn’t i get a kiss?” so san pulls him in for one to appease him. you’d never be able to leave the house otherwise, because then everyone would start demanding your kisses. and considering that it has been a few long months since you last had quality time with all eight of them at the same time, there would be too many wanted kisses to count.

one thing you had all agreed on prior to buying a house in namhae was to ensure it had a beach front, just like your and san’s old home. so it doesn’t take long to carry your surfboards– save for you; the boys like it when you use theirs– and towels down to the shore.

you close your eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of salt and subtle feeling of ocean spray on your skin. it’s a bittersweet emotion, knowing that it’s already the last day of summer, but only today have the nine of you been able to align your schedules this year. it makes you appreciate these fleeting moments of rest though, and you learn to find rest in each other too.

some of the boys start slipping off their tops, dropping them onto the sand to keep them dry as they surf. you’ve found that the greatest perk of dating them is that you’re allowed to openly and unashamedly ogle at them. the rigid shadows of their muscles reveal the discipline and hard work they put into maintaining their bodies despite their busy jobs.

san had also been monitoring his protein intake leading up to his recent dance showcase, so it’s very hard to look at the expanse of his broad chest and prominent dip of abs down his hips without feeling a rush of heat in your lower stomach. if the boys know that you offer to help them reapply sunscreen just to get a little handsy with them, then nobody says anything. (they offer to help you reapply your sunscreen as well.)

you’re content to just lie down on your towel and watch the boys, yeosang in his usual place by your side as he presses lazy kisses to your shoulder and traces the names of his lovers onto the skin of your stomach. mingi starts dragging his surfboard into the water, but when wooyoung attempts to push him in instead– and fails miserably– all thoughts of surfing are quickly forgotten. it becomes an absolute shitshow when hongjoong gets mistaken for the culprit and mingi picks him up. 

“it wasn’t me!” the older shrieks, but mingi has no ears for reasoning and prepares to drop him into the water. unwilling to go down by himself, hongjoong grips mingi’s neck at the last second and successfully drags him underwater with his weight. as wooyoung runs away absolutely delighted by the outcome, his trajectory unfortunately runs into jongho, who cuts off his cackles with a giggle, a simple shove sideways and a resultant splash.

not even bystanders can catch a break, and seonghwa screams for mercy as san and yunho suddenly grab his arms and legs. they sway him from side to side before letting him go with the momentum of the last swing to fling him into the ocean. everyone erupts into a united clamour of glee at the dunking of the eldest and you find yourself shaking your head at their unchanging antics.

you don’t think you can ever get tired of watching their radiant smiles of happiness and shared touches of sun-kissed skin, nor can you ever get tired of hearing their tinkling chimes of laughter and rowdy shouts of mischief. you may all grow older and there may not be as much time or luxury to simply bask in the joys of summer any longer; these golden hours that you are living in right now may forever remain as your sole memories when you reflect back on the essence of your youth.

on this day– the last day of summer in namhae– you find that summer takes the form of shared ice cream with sticky kisses, long showers with warm touches, and hushed pillow talk with synchronous heartbeats. but it doesn’t matter to you, not anymore.

"Alright, well that concludes this week's meeting. Everyone has their assignments, correct?" you asked as you sorted your papers.

Everyone nodded, but Wonbin's nod was just a little more vigorous.

"Great. Okay, go off, do your thing."

You dismissed everyone, and before Wonbin got out of his chair, you said, "Wait, Wonbin, I need to talk to you."

"Y-Yes?" Wonbin stuttered while praying his voice wouldn't betray him by cracking.

"Your last article was really good, but I'm wondering if we should have you exploring the arts department more."

"What do you mean?"

"You have a clear passion for theater and musicals, so if you would like, you can focus on the school performances instead of being assigned to whatever's left," you explained.

"You mean like... I get my own column?"

"Yep— Only if you want it, though!" you clarified.

"No, I really do want it! Thank you so much!" Wonbin said excitedly while bowing gratefully.

The thing was that only upperclassmen got their own section, and all of the underclassmen picked up random scraps here and there, so the fact that Wonbin was getting offered this chance was incredible to him. Plus, if you were the one breaking the news to him, that must mean you really like his articles.

"So, Seonghwa's going to talk to you more about the column maybe tomorrow or next week," you continued. "It depends on when he gets done with his capstone, after all."

"Yeah, that makes sense," Wonbin nodded— after all, the president did have the final say for everything.

"Good. Alright, I'll see you later then."

Wonbin nodded and bowed again before doing his best to leave the room confidently. The second he was out of the room, though, he held onto his beating heart and exhaled heavily. A smile and light pink blush crept onto his cheeks as he replayed the moment in his head. The smile lingered on his face as he left the building with a skip in his step.

"Hey, Wonbin," a girl he'd never seen before suddenly approached him as he left the building. "I— I have something to tell you..."

Slightly taken aback, the smile on his face faltered as he looked at the girl. He took in his surroundings and realized that there was a group of girls standing several feet away watching his interaction with this girl with a blazing red face.

Oh. Another confession.

"What is it?" Wonbin tried asking as politely as possible, but his patience was wearing thin.

"I... I really like you!"

Lord.

"Oh, well, thank you," he said softly.

"Will you go out with me?" The girl suddenly got a little bolder as she lifted her head to make intense eye contact with him.

"Ah, well, um... I already have a girlfriend," Wonbin lied straight through his teeth.

The girl's face fell. She looked at the group of other girls and glared at them. Then, she quickly turned back to Wonbin and said, "I-I'm sorry for wasting your time! Bye!"

Wonbin watched the girl scurry off to her friends and start sobbing the second she got to them. He let out a soft sigh. He grabbed his headphones from his bag and put them on before playing a song and making his way off campus.

Why couldn't he just get the girl that he wanted?

YOU finished up the article you were working on and were cleaning up your station when your phone pinged with a new notification.

seonghwa: meet me at the bridge

The bridge he was talking about, the only bridge on campus, was a five minute walk from your building. You messaged him back before wrapping up and heading out of the building.

It was already nighttime when you left the building. You shouldn't have been surprised at that point because you were used to staying late to finish up articles, but every time you walked out to a dark sky and barely any stars, you were always surprised. Quickly, you made your way to the bridge and saw Seonghwa standing at the peak of it while leaning against the wood railing. The second you took a step on the creaking wood, Seonghwa turned his head, his gaze meeting yours.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile.

"Hi."

"So, tell me," the man got right to it. "How was the meeting?"

"It went well. Everyone did what they were supposed to, everyone got their assignments— standard."

"Good."

"Oh, and I told Wonbin about the column. He seemed pretty excited about it," you couldn't help but giggle thinking about the giddy expression on his face and the stars sparkling in his eyes.

"Yeah? That's good to hear."

Seonghwa, for some reason, seemed a little disgruntled after you brought up Wonbin. You were confused— it was his idea to give Wonbin the column in the first place, so why was he acting all weird about it now?

You knew Seonghwa was definitely bothered when he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pockets. He took one out and stuck it between his lips, only for you to take it out of his mouth.

"What?" Seonghwa turned to you, very clearly irritated.

"Not yet."

"You're really annoying, you know that?"

"Okay, but I'd rather not make out with you when you have cigarette breath, Hwa," you responded while leaning closer to him.

"Oh? Is that on the table tonight?"

Seonghwa turned towards you and wrapped his arms around you before pulling you close to him.

"You have to ask? I thought that was a given."

"Hmm, okay, doll face," Seonghwa hummed.

His hands strayed down to your ass. He held your ass tightly before pulling up, bringing you to your tippy toes and closer to him. You held his shoulders and brought your face closer to his.

"Your place or mine?"

Seonghwa, somewhat lost in thought, hummed again while teasing you, his lips barely grazing yours.

"Your place. My roommate's bringing someone home."

"Alright, but one condition."

"What is it?"

"Stop fucking teasing me and kiss me."

Seonghwa stifled a giggle and leaned away from you to get a look at the expression on your face. "We're in public," he whispered. "Do you really want people to see?"

"Hwa, your hands are on my fucking ass right now."

"Touché."

Finally, he stopped teasing you, and he pressed his lips against yours. His hands moved from your ass to your lower back. His fingertips tickled the dimples on your back, and his lips made yours tingle when he tugged upwards on your lower lip. You ran your fingers through his hair with one hand, your other hand slipping from his shoulder to his chest. His arms pulled you even closer— you had no idea if there was even room between the two of you— and you felt his pelvis press against you. He was starting to firm up.

"Wait," you breathlessly pushed him away, the man whining slightly. "Let's go before you fuck me on the bridge."

 The entire walk back to your place, Seonghwa kept a slight distance between the two of you. The great thing about the bridge was that not many students used it, so he was able to be as intimate as he wanted to be with you there, but the walk from campus to your apartment made you go through the major hotspots of your college, and if the two of you were going to keep your relationship a secret, you both had to act like there was absolutely nothing between the two of you.

So, the second your front door shut behind you, Seonghwa pounced on you. He grabbed your shirt collar and pulled you in while making out with you sloppily, your own fingers getting tangled in his hair. His fingers worked on the buttons of your shirt nimbly before untucking your shirt and pulling the sleeves down quickly. He continued breathlessly kissing you as he pinned you against the door. You worked on getting his shirt off, the buttons coming off one by one to reveal his white wife-beater.

You were getting impatient. You pushed Seonghwa away from the door and towards your bedroom, Seonghwa ultimately carrying you while you wrapped your legs around his waist so he could kiss you a little more comfortably.

As soon as you got to your room, Seonghwa sat then laid down on the bed, making you straddle him and hover above him. Still kissing, you reached behind you and unhooked your bra, the bra flying somewhere in the room the second the straps fell off your shoulders.

You saw Seonghwa's eyes sparkle when he laid eyes on your breasts. He slid down slightly and wrapped his arms around you to bring you closer to him, the man immediately sucking on your breast as soon as it neared his mouth. You sighed blissfully the harder he sucked, and you moaned softly when he began massaging your other breast with his hand.

"Seong— Mmm! Seonghwa, p-please," you whined. "Just fuck me, please..."

Seonghwa chose to ignore you. He, instead, switched breasts, and instead of massaging your breast again, he ran his hands down the curve of your bare waist, his fingers hooking into the waistband of your pants. He tugged on your nipple gently with his teeth, his hands removing your pants, allowing you to kick them off.

"Stay on your hands and knees, doll face," Seonghwa said, his voice low and sultry, sending tingles down your spine.

You chose to listen to him. Seonghwa slipped off the bed and pushed you forward so that you were in the center of the bed. He brought your waist up slightly before licking a stripe along your cunt. You gripped the duvet below you and sighed with pleasure as you felt Seonghwa's tongue ravish your pussy.

"Oh my God— Oh fuck!" you cried when you felt his finger draw circles on your clit while his tongue pushed through your folds. You clawed at the sheets and curled your toes as you felt the pleasure building within you.

As he continued to eat you out, Seonghwa removed his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and pulled his cock out. His tongue was still deep inside you as he collected some of your arousal onto his fingers before stroking himself. The higher and shorter your moans got, the faster he fucked his fist. It was when his tongue found your clit once again did white fill your vision. You cried loudly as you came, Seonghwa nearly getting a facial as you squirted. He quickly drove two of his fingers into your cunt and fingered you hard and fast, getting you to squirt again. Your thighs were trembling, and your hands were barely supporting you by the time you recovered from your orgasm.

"God, doll face, how pent up were you?" Seonghwa teased as he moved upright and knelt right behind you.

You couldn't even tell him to shut up— you were breathing heavily and focusing on blinking until you could see clearly again. Seonghwa got off the bed momentarily to rifle through your nightstand and grab a condom from the box the two of you had stashed there months ago before returning to his position behind you. He rolled the condom on then teased your cunt with the tip of his cock. He rubbed up and down, occasionally pressing the head through your folds.

"Hwa— Ah! Oh, shit," you were about to yell at him to stop teasing you when he shoved his cock all the way inside you, bottoming out.

"Hmm?" Seonghwa asked with a slight groan. "What was that?"

You bit your lower lip and shook your head before dropping it, the man behind you chuckling at your response. He held your hips and began moving at a fairly steady pace. Every time he thrust into you, you heard him exhale through gritted teeth. The lewd sounds of your wet cunt swallowing Seonghwa's cock filled up the room along with the bedsprings below you, the man starting to speed up.

Seonghwa moved his hands to your waist, and at some point, he pushed the space between your shoulder blades down, making you go from your hands to your knees. He leaned over you and smacked his waist against yours even faster, his breathing erratic as he choked back his groans. You, on the other hand, were just letting yourself go. The new angle drove you to pleasure faster, and at some point, you couldn't take it anymore.

"F-Fuck, I'm cumming!" you whimpered as you pushed your head into your mattress.

You cunt fluttered before completely tightening up, Seonghwa wincing as the tension felt way too fucking good. He pulled out and fingered you fast, making you squirt onto his pants and your duvet. Your cries died down as you completely released, the knot in your stomach completely unraveling. You collapsed onto your bed and sighed blissfully while knowing in the back of your head that Seonghwa wasn't done with you yet because he still had yet to cum as well.

"Damn, now I need to do my laundry," Seonghwa chuckled as he observed his stained pants. "Looks like I'm spending the night."

"Be honest with me— you did that intentionally, right?" you accused him with a playful tone as you turned to face him.

"And what if I did?"

"Hwa, you can just spend the night if you'd like. You don't need to come up with an excuse. Also, you have a lot of clothes here."

Seonghwa had slipped out of his pants and tossed them over the edge of the bed before kneeling between your now open legs. He tugged his wife-beater off and flung it behind him before hovering right above you, his beautiful face nearing yours slowly.

"Is that right, doll?" Seonghwa asked with his signature smile. "Alright, noted."

You smiled back and held the back of his neck to pull him down and kiss you. Seonghwa kissed you sensually as he positioned his cock and slipped it into your wet cunt. You were soaking, and it was easy for him to glide through you, but that didn't change the fact that you were still incredibly tight. So tight, in fact, that Seonghwa could barely hold it together.

It was when you moved your hips upwards into his slightly that caused him to break. He stopped kissing you to fuck you fast and hard, your hands moving to his arms and gripping tightly.

Seonghwa couldn't even get the words out. He groaned loudly as he came, his hot cum filling the rubber yet still warming you up inside. He continued moving in and out of you, his cock twitching as more ropes of cum continued collecting in the condom. With a final sigh, Seonghwa hovered above you again, his boba eyes starry with bliss.

"Seonghwa," you whispered as you brushed his stray locks from his sweaty forehead. "Tell me something."

"What is it, doll?"

"Was that enough for you, or can we..."

Seonghwa chuckled. He placed his thumb on your lower lip and tugged gently. You saw his eyes darken, and you felt his cock— which was still inside you— firm up.

"I can never get enough of you, doll."

YOU knew that Seonghwa sleeping over was a bad idea because he was going to make the two of you late for class. That morning, you woke up to Seonghwa's waist pressing into yours, his insatiability overpowering you.

"Come on, doll face," Seonghwa's morning voice rumbled in your ear as he hugged you from behind and rested his chin on your shoulder. "Just one time..."

"Hwa, we have class..." you sighed.

No was not an option at that point because Seonghwa's hands slipped under your shirt and tiptoed up to your breasts, his fingers immediately finding and tugging on your nipples. He pressed gentle kisses along the slope of your neck, his kisses slowly moving to your shoulder.

"Goddammit, fuck you, Park Seonghwa," you groaned when you felt him push his knee between your legs.

That's how the two of you ended up sprinting to campus. You both had class at the same time, but they were different classes, so no one could suspect the relationship between the two of you since you were running to opposite ends of campus.

After your morning class, though, the two of you met up at the cafeteria— you and your friends from the journalism department always ate lunch together, which meant you got to see Seonghwa again.

"Hey, how was your morning?" Seonghwa asked very nonchalantly as he sat down right next to you. 

"A bit of a headache, actually," you answered truthfully.

"Oh? Why is that?"

There was a sly smirk on Seonghwa's face— a smirk that you wanted to wipe off with a slap, but you held yourself back.

"I couldn't get out of bed."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to sleep— Seonghwa, just shut the fuck up and eat your lunch," you said, your voice laced with exasperation as you pushed his face away from you so he would stop asking you “why?”.

You and your friends dug into your lunches, and the table was silent for a grand total of two seconds before one of your friends commented, "You guys are awfully close for people who are just friends..."

"What do you mean?" you asked.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of you?"

Neither you nor Seonghwa changed your expression— the two of you were masters at not getting flustered when people asked you invasive questions at that point.

"As if anything would happen between us," Seonghwa scoffed.

"But you two were clearly flirting—"

"Seonghwa just lives to annoy the shit out of me," you swiftly responded. "You shut up and eat your food, too."

A couple other friends snickered before the conversation steered back to something normal.

And although you and Seonghwa agreed that nothing serious would ever happen between you two, his response to your friend's question bothered you slightly.

His response continued to swirl around in the back of your head as you went through your remaining classes and got to the journalism department floor. You desperately tried to distract yourself by throwing yourself into your homework and work for the club, but it just kept fucking bothering you.

"As if anything would happen between us."

You hated that you were overthinking it. After giving up on trying to focus, you packed up your bag and stood up, only to realize the entire floor was completely deserted; you were so in your own head that you didn't realize how much time had passed. You sighed softly to yourself and began walking towards the exit, only to hear someone rapidly typing.

You walked in the direction of the sound to see Wonbin staring intently at his screen and tapping away. He had his headphones on as well as a pair of blue-light glasses as he practically shoved his face into his computer screen. He was so focused, and at first you found it cute, but when you saw the serious look on his face, your heart skipped a beat.

He looked familiar in a way, but you couldn't quite place it.

Shaking the thought from your head, you decided to quietly approach him. You leaned over his shoulder, and even then, Wonbin had yet to notice you. It was when you asked, "Whatcha workin' on?" did Wonbin respond to you.

"Oh my God, you scared me!" Wonbin exclaimed while nearly leaping out of his chair.

"Sorry," you couldn't help but laugh as you apologized to the startled guy. "So, what're you working on?"

Clearing his throat and moving slightly to the side so that you could get a better look at his screen, Wonbin moved the cursor to show many, many tabs. He explained that he was doing all of the research in the Goddamn world before writing an article for one of his journalism classes. Seeing him talk so passionately about what he was working on made a soft smile spread across your face, and your heart fluttered a bit before a new nagging feeling entered the back of your mind as you suddenly realized why he looked familiar to you.

He reminded you of a younger Seonghwa.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard a growling noise— Wonbin's stomach was rumbling. His face went bright red as he covered his stomach and looked away from you.

"Wonbin, when was the last time you ate?" you asked him.

"Uh... I think this morning," he admitted. "I skipped lunch to work on the research."

"Alright, come with me. Let's go get some dinner."

Wonbin scrambled to clean up his station before scurrying after you. The two of you ended up going to the convenience store near campus and grabbing cup ramens. The two of you sat side by side as you ate your ramen in silence and stared out the window.

"I have a question for you," you stated somewhat suddenly, making the poor guy choke on his noodles. "Why did you choose journalism?"

"Honestly... I don't know. I kind of wanted to become a musician, but my parents made me reconsider because it wasn't realistic according to them," Wonbin responded— he was being pretty candid with you, making your heart swell up a tiny bit.

"What do you want to do after college, then?"

"No idea yet... I should figure that out, shouldn't I?"

Wonbin looked at his ramen and sighed softly. You definitely stressed the poor boy out. In attempt to make him feel better, you patted his head and said, "You still have, like, two years to figure it out. Don't stress too hard for now."

"O-Oh! Right! You're, erm, you're right..." Wonbin nearly yelped, his face turning bright red. "I have time..."

The innocent, puppy-dog look on his face made your cuteness aggression kick in for absolutely no reason. You ended up chuckling lightly and ruffling his hair, Wonbin's face only getting redder.

He's so cute.

After the two of you finished eating and making more small talk, you both exited the convenience store.

"Which way are you headed, Wonbin?" you asked.

"That way. You?"

"I'm the opposite direction," you couldn't help but laugh. "Get home safe, okay?"

"W-Wait, I can walk you home—"

"Don't be ridiculous. I live close to here, and you should get home soon, too. I'll see you tomorrow."

Wonbin pressed his lips together and nodded. Again, he looked so damn cute that you just couldn't help yourself. You ruffled his hair again and waved goodbye to him before heading back to your apartment.

So cute.

After that night, you couldn't help but give Wonbin more attention. Maybe it was the fact that he reminded you of Seonghwa that drew you to the younger guy, but regardless, you were definitely showing him a little more attention than the other underclassmen after that.

SEONGHWA was annoyed. You had suddenly grown distant from him, and he didn't know why. You were being pretty passive when he texted you, and honestly, it had been a week since the two of you had hooked up— the max it had ever been was 3, maybe 4, days. Which meant not only was Seonghwa annoyed, but he was also pent up.

His irritation only grew when he saw how close you were getting with the underclassmen, specifically Wonbin. Sure, it was your job as the vice president to make sure everyone could handle the work assigned and get everything in on time, but the president and vice president still had to check in with each other, right?

One day, he snapped. You were sitting next to Wonbin and laughing with him, and he didn't like that at all. Seonghwa wasn't one to get jealous, but you with this kid was driving him insane. He needed to say something to you.

"Any questions?" Seonghwa asked after wrapping up that week's club meeting.

Not a single person raised their hand. Seonghwa nodded before silently dismissing everyone. He kept an eye on you as he saw you quickly grab your bag and try to sneak out of the room. Before you made it to the doors, he grabbed your shoulder and said, "We need to talk, vice president."

He saw you gulp nervously before nodding and heading towards the center of the room. As soon as everyone had left, Seonghwa closed and locked the door.

"What the hell, Y/N? You've been avoiding me, haven't you?" Seonghwa cut the bullshit and got straight to it.

"N-No, I haven't—"

"Don't fucking lie to me. You just tried to sneak out of the room. What the hell is going on?"

You let out a deep breath and met his steely gaze as you responded, "Nothing. Everything's fine. I just have work to do."

"What, with that kid?"

Seonghwa saw your eyebrows furrow, and the frown on your face deepened. He definitely hit a sore spot.

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You've been spending more time with that kid lately."

You slammed your bag onto the conference room table and stood a little more confidently, slightly startling Seonghwa. His gaze then hardened before he continued, "You need to stop being so nice to the kid—"

"Kid? He's got a name, Seonghwa, and he's not a kid. Don't make it sound weird," you interrupted.

"You're the one making it weird when you say it like that. Either way, don't be so nice to him."

"Why? Weren't you the one who wanted to give him that column in the first place?"

"Yes, but—"

"So, why shouldn't I help him? He's a freshman, Seonghwa, and he needs some help with this first article."

"Because you need to stop leading him on," the words flew out of Seonghwa's mouth before he could even reflect what he actually meant.

Your face got slightly red, and Seonghwa immediately realized what was going on: you weren't spending time with Wonbin to help him; you were spending time with Wonbin to be with him.

"You like him, don't you?" he asked quietly.

"So what if I do?" you cleared your throat and shot back.

"You shouldn't. It's unprofessional."

You scoffed (and Seonghwa also mentally reprimanded himself for saying something so foolish). "Are you really one to be preaching professionalism, Seonghwa?"

Seonghwa lowered his gaze. You weren't wrong.

"I can do whatever I want, Seonghwa. You're not my boyfriend."

"I—"

"And I'm not leading him on if I'm genuinely interested in him," you interrupted.

"Genuinely interested? Ha! Give me a break," Seonghwa laughed sardonically. "Besides, I may not be your boyfriend, but face it, doll face— You're mine. You've been mine since we met, and you'll continue to be mine."

"Excuse me? I'm not an object for you to fucking own, and the only way I'll ever actually be yours is if you decide to stop acting like this and actually ask me out, you prick."

Seonghwa was at a loss for words. He was getting really heated, and his jealousy was surging forward, because he didn't mean half of the things coming out of his huge fucking mouth; but, he couldn't stop himself. He was so pissed.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me, then? You're mad that I'm not asking you to be exclusive?"

"You are the one that said "as if anything would happen between us," and I want to stop wasting my time on someone who sees me as nothing more than his personal fuck toy."

"But, Y/N, you knew what you were getting into... We agreed that we wouldn't catch feelings for each other."

You were quiet for a little, then said softly, "Then why are you jealous?"

Seonghwa did not know how to respond to that. He sighed softly before pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tightly. He was trying to rationalize everything in his head, but he had too many thoughts and emotions flying around. After a moment of silence passed, Seonghwa opened his eyes and gazed at you, his heart beating slightly faster as he saw the sadness in your eyes. He took a small step forward and held his hands out for you to hold, and he was relieved when you did take his hand.

"I'm sorry," he started. "It's... It's complicated. I need some time to think about it... Maybe even talk it through."

"I think I do too," you admitted quietly. "We don't have to talk about it tonight, though."

"That's the thing, though... I— I want to," Seonghwa stuttered. He laced his fingers with yours and held them up before looking into your eyes earnestly and saying, "I really miss you."

"I miss you, too, Hwa."

Hearing you finally say his nickname instead of his full name made the man feel so much better. He could help but smile in relief. The smile on his face faltered when you took your hands back, but it returned when you hugged him. He hugged you as well and kissed your temple while comforting you by rubbing your back.

"Would you like to come over to my place tonight to talk things through? Please?" Seonghwa whispered.

"...I'd like that."

WONBIN was a little upset if he was being honest. He knew that you were helping him with the column since it was his first time working on something so big, so when you stopped helping him, he was disappointed.

The more time you spent with him, the bigger his crush on you grew. He honestly thought that maybe you might've shared the same feelings, but after he completed his first column, his number of interactions with you had died down. At least you were still talking to him even if it was not as frequently.

That being said, after spending so much time with you, Wonbin couldn't help but pay even more attention to you. He wasn't stalking you or anything, but any time you were within his general vicinity, his eyes were drawn towards you. You were even more beautiful, even more charming, even more charismatic to him. Dare he say it, if he wasn't careful, he would fall in love with you.

He noticed these things, but he also noticed that you were kind of sticking close to Seonghwa's side. He wondered if you were dating the guy because there was just something about the way the two of you interacted that made him question exactly how close you were with the president. Like, at some point, it didn't look like a vice president and a president talking, nor did it seem like two really good friends talking, but rather like two people who clearly had feelings for each other.

"Don't forget," Seonghwa announced at the end of that week's meeting. "We have the social tonight. Everyone better show up!"

Laughter and chatter rippled through the club, and soon after, everyone left the room. Wonbin took a little more time leaving the room and saw you approach Seonghwa with some files. You were standing awfully close to him, and Wonbin definitely noticed the way Seonghwa's facial features softened when you spoke to him. He feared that his suspicions were true when he saw the two of you laugh and chat happily, so he quickly left the room before he had to see more of it.

Unfortunately, he was going to see more of it that night at the social. He was dreading the social, actually. At first, he was excited because it was a chance to spend time with you, but after what happened earlier that day, he had very mixed feelings about it. Those feelings became significantly less mixed when he found himself surrounded by all of the girls in the journalism department.

"You're so cute, Wonbin," one girl commented as she touched his arm for more than three seconds. "Your girlfriend must be very happy to be with you."

Shit.

He forgot that he told people that he had a girlfriend. Yet, even though this girl next to him knew that he "had a girlfriend," she was still hitting on him. Seriously, what was wrong with this girl?

"Yeah, she is," Wonbin responded with a pleasant smile as he brushed the girl's hand off his arm.

"Are you happy to be with her, though?" another girl pressed herself right up against Wonbin's shoulder.

"Yeah, I am," Wonbin kept his pleasant smile plastered to his face while he moved away from the girl.

The girls continued to talk to him and harass him, and every girl tried to get him to drink, but there was no way in hell that he would drink anything these girls gave him out of fear for his own safety.

For once, Wonbin was actually super grateful to see Seonghwa walk in, because the second he did, all the girls turned their attention to him, allowing Wonbin to sneak away from the girls and sit elsewhere. He sat down near some male upperclassmen and let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God..." he muttered to himself.

"Oh no! Pretty girls love me and won't leave me alone!" one of the upperclassmen said with heavy sarcasm. "You don't realize how lucky you are, you lucky bastard."

"You know most of those girls are psycho, though, right?" Wonbin explained. "Some of them followed me home the other day..."

"Okay, well, when you put it like that..."

The upperclassman, now feeling horrible for the poor freshman, poured Wonbin a shot then clinked his glass with Wonbin's before they both took their shots. Wonbin wasn't exactly a lightweight, but the second the shot went down, he realized that maybe that was enough for the night; and that realization only doubled down when felt his face get hot and his body sway.

The upperclassmen were all talking— and they weren't leaving Wonbin out— but Wonbin was only able to get out small statements and words here and there. He was definitely not drunk, and he was barely tipsy, but the only reason he was so out of it was because he couldn't help but stare at you. Seonghwa ended up sitting right next to you when he got to the restaurant, so Wonbin watched with slight envy as you laughed (cutely, in Wonbin's humble opinion) at something Seonghwa said.

"Hey," Wonbin suddenly interrupted the upperclassmen's conversation about God knows what. "I have a question."

"What is it?"

"Is there something going on between Y/N and Seonghwa?"

"Oh, I actually know the answer to this one!" one of the upperclassmen at the table spoke. "I asked them the other day, and they both got mad at me, so I know this for a fact."

"Jesus, you're just as wordy as your fucking articles," another upperclassman slapped the first guy's shoulder. "Spit it out."

"Well, Seonghwa said, "As if anything would happen between us," and then Y/N said that Seonghwa lives to annoy the shit out of her, so there's really nothing there."

"Huh..." Wonbin mused out loud.

"Plus, Seonghwa's graduating this year, and Y/N's going to be president when he leaves, so most of the time they spend together now is just him prepping her. The last president did the same thing with Seonghwa," the guy continued.

"Also," another added. "If the president and the vice president didn't spend time together, I'd be concerned for the future of the department."

"True..."

"Wait, kid, why are you asking?"

"Oh, I just thought they seemed really close," Wonbin did his damn best to make sure he didn't stutter.

Most of the upperclassmen at the table accepted his response and turned to talk to each other, but the one Wonbin shared a drink with side-eyed him. He leaned towards Wonbin and whispered, "You like Y/N, don't you?"

Wonbin blushed furiously. His face betrayed him, but he still responded, "No!"

"Don't worry, kid. All of us have had some sort of crush on her at some point. She's just that charming— but it's never going to happen, so keep dreaming."

With that and a pat on his shoulder, the upperclassman turned to his peers, leaving Wonbin with his own thoughts. He ended up taking another shot by himself and nursed a beer while he tuned into the conversation at the table.

The normalcy lasted a grand total of five minutes before the girls who were harassing Wonbin earlier joined his new table. The upperclassmen tried to talk to the girls, but they kept expressing interest in a very exasperated Wonbin to the point where he was feeling claustrophobic. With a stroke of brilliance, Wonbin got out of his situation by excusing himself to "go to the bathroom," but instead of going to the bathroom, he went outside for some air.

Wonbin sighed deeply as he stood by the side of the establishment, his body beginning to relax as he focused on the dark sky above.

"Geez, that was a deep sigh."

His body immediately tensed again as he flinched when he heard your voice. You stood alongside him and waved at him while saying, "Hi, Wonbin."

"O-Oh my gosh," Wonbin managed to choke out a response while holding his heart. "Uh, hi..."

You giggled at his reaction, sending Wonbin's heart on another sprint. He felt his face get red hot again when he realized how close you were standing to him.

"You look a little tipsy," you commented when you saw his face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Wonbin said after clearing his throat. "I just needed to come out for air."

"Are you sure? Your face looks a little too flushed right now."

You gestured for him to get closer to you, which obviously, he did. You pressed your palm to his forehead, making Wonbin freak out internally even more. Even after all the hair ruffles, his heart still wasn't used to you making physical contact with him so casually. 

"You're so warm," you whispered.

"I d-don't have a fever..."

"I know you don't."

It was when you cupped his face and smiled softly at him did Wonbin realize that you were a little tipsy too, just like him. He truly froze when you brushed your thumbs along his cheekbones, his heart thudding wildly against his chest.

"You're so cute, Wonbin," you told him, making his already deep blush get way worse.

"T-Thank you... You're really pretty too—!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Wonbin covered his mouth, his eyes wide with shock. He was so surprised that he was being bold and honest with you because he really wasn't one to be like that sober. He was even more surprised when you giggled at his reaction.

"You're adorable, Wonbin."

Wonbin truly had no idea how his heart didn't just burst out of his chest when you kissed his cheek. Granted, it was the tiniest of pecks, but it was a freaking kiss from you for crying out loud. When the two of you made eye contact, something stirred within him. He had half a mind to surge forward and actually kiss you, but he didn't need to because you pulled his face towards you and kissed him first.

His arms went around your waist, and you held his shoulders as you kissed him over and over again, all the unspoken feelings between the two of you silently coming forward.

The interest was mutual... Thank God.

YOU held Wonbin's hand as you entered your apartment, your fingers laced with his. Neither of you had uttered a word about what just happened, but there was a silent understanding at least, and that's all you really needed for now.

When you got to the living room, you let go of his hand and sat down on the couch, Wonbin sitting right next to you. You felt your heart racing so fast that it was ready to take off for the moon when you saw the way he was looking at you.

"I, um... Can—" Wonbin cleared his throat and swallowed nervously. "Can I kiss you?"

Moments ago, he was kissing you as if the world would end if he stopped, and now he was sitting on your couch asking for permission? God, he was so fucking cute. You nodded and scooted the tiniest bit closer to him. Wonbin let out a tiny sigh of relief, a brief smile crossing his face as he cupped your face gently.

This time, the kiss was more sensual and passionate. It was only one, sweet kiss at first, followed by several more, the intensity of the kisses steadily raising as your emotions surged to the surface. There was a hint of urgency and intense desire emanating from him as he leaned into you, pushing you down so that you were laying on the couch.

Wonbin straddled you and sat upright to remove his shirt, his toned body glistening with a light layer of sweat. You were a little in awe as you observed the way he ran his fingers through his hair, his muscles getting more defined as he leaned back. You were staring so intently, in fact, that Wonbin subtly tried to cover his body.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"You're gorgeous, Wonbin."

The compliment made his face turn bright red. It seemed like he was getting shyer by the second, but you changed your opinion when he assumed a more dominant position. He trapped you on the couch and hovered above you, the twinkle in his eye slowly getting replaced by lust.

"I could say the same to you," he whispered.

He kissed you passionately, his hair tickling your cheeks the more he moved into you. His hand snuck under your shirt, and he trailed his fingernails up your torso until he held your ribs gently. You arched your back and pushed yourself towards him as you got slightly impatient; yet, his slow pace was turning you on even more.

Wonbin sat up again and helped you out of your shirt, and to save a little time, you unhooked and removed your own bra. Wonbin slightly gasped when got to see your bare body. He bit his lower lip and lowered himself again, his lips meeting yours, his chest slightly rubbing against yours. You let out a soft moan when you felt his warm hands on your breasts. He massaged them as he moved his lips to your cheek. He trailed tender kisses along your cheek, down your neck, along your collarbone, and to your breast.

While he sucked and massaged your breasts, you couldn't help but think about how skilled he was— this definitely wasn't his first time, which made you a little more excited if you were being completely honest.

A soft moan left your lungs when you felt him press his knee in between your legs. He looked up at you with mild surprise. You maintained eye contact as you let out soft breaths in unison.

"I, um," you whispered. "I don't think I can wait any longer, Wonbin... I need you."

A dusty rose blush spread from his cheeks to his ears. He merely nodded and got off the couch. You sat up and were about to get off as well, only for Wonbin to outstretch his arms. Next thing you knew, he was carrying you to your bedroom, his hands supporting your legs and back while you hugged him.

Wonbin laid you down on the bed, and the second he did, he unbuttoned your jeans and slipped them along with your underwear off your waist. He pushed your legs up, his hands under your thighs, giving him a better view of your quivering pussy. You heard him sigh quietly but happily before leaving the smallest of kisses on your clit. He then ran his tongue up and down your folds slowly, his tongue teasing you every so often by pushing into your entrance. You bit your lower lip to keep from moaning and ran your fingers through Wonbin's hair as he spent more time between your legs.

"Oh, mmm, yes," you moaned blissfully. "Right there— Ngh— Yes..."

Your toes curled when Wonbin's nose brushed against your clit. You were slightly disappointed when he moved away from your cunt, but that disappointment quickly disappeared when he pushed two of his slender fingers into you. He fingered you at a slow, steady pace while moving closer to you. He planted his hand right above your shoulder and lowered himself so that your faces were mere centimeters apart.

"You're very sweet, Y/N," he whispered, sending tingles down your spine. "Would you like a taste?"

The words were sweet, but the context was so dirty that you felt your face heat up. You nodded, and Wonbin pressed his lips against yours briefly before lifting his head to see your reaction. Seconds later, he kissed you again, and he kept his lips locked with yours as he moved and curled his fingers inside you.

Just as you felt the tension building inside you, Wonbin added a third finger. He fingered you a little faster, making you whine and moan into his mouth.

"You like that, baby?"

Baby. Oh, fuck.

You gasped and pushed your head backwards into the mattress, your eyes fluttering as pleasure ran through you quickly like electricity. You bit your lower lip to keep from moaning loudly as you came, your cunt relaxing completely after you squirted all over Wonbin's hand and your bed.

You blinked tears and stars from your eyes when Wonbin moved away from you. It was when you saw him lick his fingers did you manage to clear the fog in your vision, your heart thudding wildly upon the sight of him tasting you like that.

"I told you— You taste so sweet," Wonbin chuckled, making your face get even hotter.

You made empty noises— you truly did not know how to respond to him because you were so shocked; what the hell happened to the shy, cute Wonbin you knew, and who was this Wonbin before you (not that you were complaining).

Wonbin started patting his pockets down, and you assumed he was in search of a condom. You reached for the handle on your nightstand and opened the drawer, Wonbin immediately spotting the condoms. He grabbed one, and before he tore it open, he paused and stared at it.

"Is something wrong?" you asked him.

"Huh? No," Wonbin shook his head. "It's nothing."

You knew that it definitely wasn't nothing, but you didn't even ponder the idea for long. Wonbin slipped out of his pants and revealed his hard on. His cock was so slender and pretty just like him, and honestly, your mouth started salivating upon seeing it.

How nice would it be if you could suck him off?

Wonbin wasted no time getting on the bed after rolling the condom on and pinning you down again. He moved so that he was between your legs, his cock brushing against your clit with a fleeting touch, making your body tingle. You bit your lower lip when he intentionally rubbed the tip of his cock along your folds, and you stifled your moan when you felt him enter you slowly. Wonbin, who was holding his breath as he pushed his cock into you, let out a tiny grunt when he was entirely inside you.

"You're so tight," Wonbin said with a slight laugh. "Fuck, you just feel so good, baby..."

Before you could even think about responding, Wonbin kissed you again. He moved his hands to your waist, and his fingers pressed into your skin as he rolled his hips into yours slowly, sensually. You heard his breathing hitch in between kisses every time his waist met yours. You could feel his cock throb inside you, and you could tell he was really trying his best to not cum.

You decided to tease him. You combed your fingers through his hair and rested your hands on the back of his neck, your fingers tickling the nape of his neck. You wrapped your legs around his waist, and you pushed your body upwards as you kissed him so strongly that even you saw stars.

Wonbin couldn't take it any longer. He sat up and tightened his grip on your waist, his hips hitting yours fast and hard. His breathing got shallower, and his soft groans got higher in pitch as he neared his climax. On his final thrust, he pulled your hips up slightly, the change in angle hitting your G-spot and making you cum immediately. You whimpered and bit your lower lip as white filled your vision, your hands clenching the bed sheets beneath you. Wonbin groaned softly, his cock twitching and quivering as his cum spurt into the condom.

You sighed and relaxed your body after Wonbin pulled out. He got off the bed and threw out the condom before disappearing from your room, confusing the shit out of you. He returned moments later for water for both you and him, and your heart skipped a beat. He handed you the glass and sat on the bed next to you. He rested his hand on the mattress and looked away from you as he drank his water. His attention quickly snapped to you, however, when you placed your hand on top of his.

"You know, when you called me baby," you told him. "I was really surprised."

"Oh— Do you not like that nickname?" Wonbin turned to face you completely, looking slightly guilty.

"No, I really liked it, actually..."

Wonbin's head snapped up, and a smile blossomed on his face. Your heart skipped yet another beat when he set his water aside to tuck stray hairs behind your ear, his thumb lingering on your ear.

"Alright, baby," he said with a playful tone. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

"Next time?" you questioned. "You mean next round."

Grinning, Wonbin took your water from you and set it aside. He laid you down and brushed his nose along your jawline before pressing his lips against yours softly, sweetly, tenderly.

YOU seriously wondered why the journalism department would hold a social on a weeknight. The next morning after you both woke up, Wonbin hurriedly left your place so he could go home and freshen up before heading for his first class— luckily his class was in the afternoon. You, on the other hand, scrambled to get your shit together in time for your morning class.

Truth be told, you couldn't stop thinking about Wonbin all day. You loved how tender and sweet he was with you. Sex with Seonghwa was fun for sure, but you definitely did want a more emotional connection with the person you were sleeping with.

You and Seonghwa agreed that you'd talk about your relationship, and after you did, technically nothing fucking changed. You were still friends, and you still fucked, it was just now he was a little more considerate of your feelings. You didn't feel like a sex toy anymore, but that obviously wasn't enough, though.

A smile lingered on your face as you went to the journalism department later that day to finish up some work done for the club. It was the end of the day, and there wasn't a soul on the floor— not a single soul except for Seonghwa, that is, and you fully ran into him the second you turned the corner.

Seonghwa didn't even give you the time to apologize for running into him. He immediately grabbed your arm and pulled you into the records room. Pinning you against the door, he stared right into your eyes, his gaze so sharp that it made you nervous as hell.

"You slept with Wonbin, didn't you?"

Your blood ran cold— you shouldn't have felt guilty, but it was the tone of Seonghwa's voice that made you feel bad.

"I don't know what you mean—"

Seonghwa cut you off by grabbing your face with one hand, his fingers pressing into your cheeks as he pulled your face towards his.

"Spare me the runaround and just tell me the truth," he bit out. "You and I were supposed to meet after the social, but you and Wonbin disappeared. You slept with him, right?"

"...What if I did?"

"What the fuck, Y/N?!"

Seonghwa let go of you and walked away from you while running shaky fingers through his hair. He looked so frustrated, and you, again, felt guilty for no reason.

"I don't see what your fucking problem is, Seonghwa! We're still nothing but friends with benefits, so you really shouldn't care," you couldn't help but snap at him.

He whipped his head towards you, and you could see the exasperation on his face.

"Well, I do fucking care!"

"Because you want ownership over me, or because you like me?"

Seonghwa pressed his lips together. He couldn't find an answer. You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest.

"Face it, Seonghwa. You don't want to share me with anyone, but you don't get to make that choice because I'm not committed to you. Got it?"

On that note, you tried to leave, but Seonghwa was faster. He slammed the door shut with one hand, pinning you against the door yet again. His eyes searched yours as the two of you remained silent for a beat.

"Didn't we talk things through? Did that night mean nothing to you, then?" Seonghwa asked with slight accusation laced in his words.

"Talked things through?" you repeated, dumbfounded. "We're still just friends because you haven't made things official between us!"

"I thought we still didn't want to tell people about us, so I didn't say anything!"

"Telling people about us versus you actually telling me to my face that you want me to be your girlfriend, that you want us to be exclusive, are two separate things, Seonghwa!"

"I thought you knew that we were!"

"How could we be exclusive if neither of us said it out loud?!"

The two of you were trembling angrily at that point. Seonghwa still had you pinned against the door, and it seemed like he refused to budge. Silence filled the space between you, and you were the one to break it.

"Why are you doing this, Seonghwa?" you whispered. "What do you want?"

"I... I don't know," Seonghwa choked out. "Can we even be exclusive at this point?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have feelings for him, don't you? I mean, you wouldn't have fucked him if you didn't..."

"I can have feelings for more than one person, you know," you responded softly.

You held Seonghwa's gaze, your heart rate picking up speed the longer you stared at him. His eyes searched yours, his mouth slightly open as he searched for some words, any words.

"Then again," you decided to provoke him. "You're the one who told me not to catch feelings for you, so maybe I should—"

Seonghwa snapped. He held your throat, his fingers pressing with just the right amount of tension, and he kissed you roughly. He pushed you further into the door if at all possible, his other hand moving to your ass. Lust coursed through your body as you let yourself get swept away by him. You held his arms and kissed him back while gasping every so often.

Letting go of your throat, Seonghwa wrapped both arms around your waist and quickly moved you to one of the tables in the records room. He bent you over the table, your chest pressing into the wood. You yelped in surprise when Seonghwa quickly pulled your bottoms and panties down, leaving your ass and legs exposed. He chuckled and spread your folds, your cunt glistening with slick.

"Look at how wet you are for me," Seonghwa teased you as he pushed his thumbs slightly into your entrance. "I'm telling you, doll, you were made for me."

Seonghwa licked a stripe up your cunt, making you whimper. Suddenly, you covered your mouth as you realized there were probably cameras in the fucking room.

"S-Seonghwa, the cameras!" you hissed nervously.

"There are no cameras in the records room," Seonghwa said matter-of-factly. "You should know that by now. Looks like I need to teach you more lessons, huh?"

You gulped nervously— lessons didn't just mean education when it came to Seonghwa. You tried to push yourself up when you heard him rifling through his pockets in search of a condom, but he immediately pushed you back down, his hand pressing right between your shoulder blades.

"Don't even fucking try, doll face," Seonghwa stated, his voice getting lower. "You're not going anywhere yet."

Seonghwa found the condom and held onto it by biting the corner of the packet. He grabbed both of your arms before holding both your wrists in one hand and behind your back— there was no way you were getting up now.

As Seonghwa pulled his cock out and rolled the condom on, you spotted a pair of eerily familiar headphones on the shelf. You didn't have time to place it, though, because Seonghwa quite literally fucked the thought out of your brain when he swiftly entered you.

"Your pussy is swallowing my cock perfectly, doll," Seonghwa said as he bit back a grunt. Then, chuckling slightly, he continued "You're so tight... Fuck, you feel amazing..."

Your wrists were still firmly in Seonghwa's grasp, and he tugged your arms back slightly, forcing you to arch your back. He was moving at a relatively slow pace, but every time he snapped his hips into yours, your hips hit the table with an insane amount of force, making you cry with slight pain.

Just as you were about to tell Seonghwa that he was hurting you, you heard the door to the records room open. You and Seonghwa were in a blind spot from the entrance, so you had time to quickly separate, but Seonghwa refused to let you go. He covered your mouth with his free hand and shushed you.

The footsteps approached the two of you, and you were about to burst into tears because you were fucking mortified by the situation you were in. You didn't cry when the person turned the corner, but you did feel all the color drain from your face.

"I'm guessing you're here to grab your headphones, Wonbin?" Seonghwa greeted the boy so nonchalantly, acting as if his cock wasn't buried deep inside you.

"I— Oh— Um— Jesus, I—" Wonbin stuttered; he had no idea how to respond to the situation, and you didn't blame him because you had no fucking clue either.

"You look so surprised, Wonbin," Seonghwa laughed. "Is it because we're fucking in the records room, or because I'm the one fucking her?"

You desperately wanted to tell Seonghwa to shut the fuck up, but his hand was firmly planted on your face.

"I'm... I, uh," Wonbin chewed on his lower lip nervously. "I'll pretend I didn't see anything— I just want my headphones..."

"Aw, don't be like that. You should join us. It shouldn't be that weird since you've already slept with her once, right?"

You really wanted to pass away in that moment. You watched the tips of Wonbin's ears turn crimson red. Seonghwa finally uncovered your mouth and pulled out, but he kept you pinned down to the table as he gestured for Wonbin to approach.

"Seonghwa, what the fuck—"

"What?" Seonghwa interrupted you. "You said you can have feelings for more than one person, right? So why can't you be fucked by more than one person? Besides, I want to see for myself why you're so attracted to him."

You let out empty noises in response because how the fuck were you supposed to respond to something like that?

"What do you think, Wonbin? Wanna join in?"

The boy nodded slowly, surprising the shit out of you. You were about to tell him that he doesn't— that he shouldn't— when you saw the tent forming in his pants; and, as all men do, Wonbin was definitely thinking with his dick, and his dick wanted in.

"Great. Hop on the table for me, will ya?"

Wonbin hopped up on the table and tentatively pulled his cock out as Seonghwa instructed. Your mouth involuntarily watered— his cock was just so pretty, especially when it was hard and twitching.

Seonghwa didn't even need to tell you what to do; you did it yourself. You held the base of his cock, Wonbin flinching upon feeling your touch. You looked up at Wonbin, silently asking for approval, and waited for him to nod meekly before taking him into your mouth.

The second your lips went down his cock, Wonbin let out a soft moan. You looked up at him to see his eyes widen, his face getting redder by the development of the situation. To keep himself from moaning out loud again, Wonbin bit his knuckle and sighed deeply, only for his breathing to hitch when you started sucking him properly.

Upon seeing your head bob up and down, Seonghwa rubbed the tip of his cock along your folds and pushed himself back into you, making you moan and gag on Wonbin's cock. Wonbin's entire body jolted when he heard the noise from you. He let out a soft groan when you took all of him into your mouth, making him bite down on his knuckle harder.

You could hear Wonbin's breathing get heavier and whatever moans or groans that slipped past his finger get higher. You looked up to see his eyelids fluttering as he neared his orgasm. It was you hollowing out your cheeks that did it for him. With his free hand, he held your head in place before squeezing his eyes shut and cumming in your mouth.

"Be a good girl and swallow it," Seonghwa leaned over you and whispered in your ear. "We don't want to leave a mess here, now do we?"

And so, you swallowed Wonbin's cum. He covered his face in embarrassment, so you hit him with, "Now we're even."

He opened his mouth, presumably to ask what you were talking about, only for the realization to hit— he licked his fingers last night. Yep, you were even.

After hopping off the table, Seonghwa tossed a condom packet to Wonbin. He didn't have to say a single word for the younger man to know what to do. He ripped open the packet and put it on while Seonghwa moved you so that you were standing upright, his cock still inside you.

You were sandwiched between the beautiful men when Wonbin approached you. He lifted your leg and held your thigh to give him better access to your already full cunt while you held onto his shoulders. Before you could express any thoughts, he kissed you. Even though he distracted you, you still felt his cock push into you, and your hold on his shoulders got stronger. Both men stopped moving, allowing you to get somewhat comfortable with both cocks stuffed inside you and filling you up. Yet, the second they started moving, your cunt clenched, both of them flinching with the added pressure.

"Oh my God," Wonbin breathed out.

"Shit, I almost came," Seonghwa murmured.

They moved slowly, and to keep you relaxed before you snapped their dicks off, Wonbin kissed you. He rubbed your ear slowly, making every little movement so much more sensual. Whenever he bucked his hips up, he grunted slightly into the kiss.

Seonghwa decided to push his hands up your shirt as he fucked you from behind, and they went under your bra before massaging your breasts. You exhaled blissfully when his fingers toyed with your nipples, the overstimulation starting to get to you.

"Hey, don't just focus on him," Seonghwa said as he pressed a kiss on the back of your neck.

You broke off your chain of kisses with Wonbin and turned your head towards Seonghwa. You moved your hand to Seonghwa's head, your fingers getting tangled in his locks as you kissed him while you moved your other hand from Wonbin's shoulder to his neck.

When Wonbin's grip on your thigh got tighter, you knew that he was close again, so you turned back towards him and kissed him again, his gyrations getting faster.

"I'm— Fuck— I'm gonna cum," Wonbin uttered.

Before you got the chance to say anything, Seonghwa turned your head towards him and kissed you, his tongue slipping into your mouth as his own thrusts got rougher. He didn't need to say anything, either— you knew he was close, too.

Both men snapped their waists into you, driving their cocks as far as they could into you, the two of them groaning and muttering profanities as their cocks throbbed inside you. They both remained motionless for a beat before Seonghwa pulled out first, Wonbin shortly thereafter. You whined slightly; now that you were no longer stuffed, you felt empty, and you needed them back inside you. Plus, they had yet to make you cum.

You for sure thought they were going to replace their condoms or at least eat you out, so you were completely dumbfounded when you saw them straightening out their clothes and fixing their hair.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" you irritatedly asked.

"...Getting dressed?" they both answered at the same time, making them both look at each other with slight surprise.

"We're not done here! What about me?"

Both men froze and blinked at you for a split moment before Wonbin approached you from one side and Seonghwa stood right in front of you.

"You're right, we do have unfinished business," Seonghwa murmured in agreement. "What do you think we should do, Wonbin?"

"Let's go back to her place and pick up where we left off," Wonbin suggested before pressing a kiss against your temple. "After all, there's a whole box of condoms left in that drawer.

Oh shit— What the hell have you done?

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You've gone from arriving at the carnival in a dress and avoiding Melli like she could kill you, to almost exposing yourself to your teammates while changing from the bushes to a moving spinning teacup, and giving Seokmin a well-deserved slap to the face—all without getting caught. You're quite proud of yourself for this feat. Now, all that's left is the kissing booth.

The dreaded kissing booth. Just one more thing to get through.

Meanwhile, Mingyu waited impatiently in line, finally nearing the front, with an anxious bounce in his step. His eyes darted around nervously, and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Wonwoo, following behind, adjusted his glasses, let out a smug chuckle, and rested a firm grip on his friend's shoulder. "Down, boy."

Mingyu swatted him away, feeling every bead of sweat trailing down his neck and forehead. He wiped his palms on his jeans, trying to steady his breathing. The anticipation was almost unbearable, and he glanced back at Wonwoo, who seemed annoyingly calm. Mingyu's thoughts raced as he inched closer to the front of the line, his nerves buzzing with every step. “Fuck off. I’m having a mental breakdown.”

“Don’t make it obvious. You’re almost there.”

As the boys continued their conversation, Chae was grappling with customer after customer at the kissing booth. The final one, right before Mingyu, seemed to be taking an eternity. She forced a smile, trying to hide her discomfort as the man—who gave off definite freshman vibes at most—finally pulled away. His breath was a potent blend of turkey leg and popcorn, the greasy aroma clinging to her lips. She could practically feel the butter and salt seeping into her skin, and the lingering taste made her stomach churn in the most foul way.

Suppressing the urge to gag, she discreetly wiped her lips with the back of her hand, desperate for an opening to rinse out her mouth. The thought of that flavor staying with her all night was almost unbearable. She glanced around, hoping for a moment to catch her breath and shake off the unpleasant encounter, while silently praying the next customer would be quicker and less offensive.

“Here you go,” Wonwoo patted the nervous mountain of a man, “You’re finally gonna know what it’s like to suck face with Chae. Your truest most devestating victory. Making you a men amongst…well yourself. Still, an accomplishment nonetheless. And now there’s nothing–”

You hurried towards the booth, the urgency of the moment making your heart race against both speed and time. As you reached Chae, you couldn't help but flash her a kind smile, eager to take over after the marathon you ran. “Hi, I’m here to relieve you!”

The smiles on Wonwoo and Mingyu’s faces faded, and now the pats from the spectacled man felt more apologetic than encouraging. “Or not.”

Chae released a breath of relief. “Oh, thank god. By the way, be careful of the older guy coming up,” she warned, her eyes darting to a silver-haired man a couple of customers behind the line. “He’s chewing on something and I don’t think it’s gum. And for the love of god, don’t even crack your mouth open the slightest bit when you kiss. They’ll take it as an invitation.”

You furrowed your brow slightly. “Noted.”

Before leaving, Chae quietly scrutinized your appearance, her gaze searching for recognition of your features. “Have we met before?”

You chuckled nervously, feeling a knot of apprehension form in your stomach, as you shook your head in denial. “No,” you replied curtly, giving her a reassuring pat on the back before leading her out of the way.

Mingyu trudged towards you, his gaze unwilling to leave Chae’s retreating figure, softly muttering sounds of remorse under his breath. “Just my luck.”

“Oh, sorry,” you replied with a hint of disappointment evident in your tone.

"Oh! Not because of you, because you are..." He stumbled over his words, his gaze lingering on his source of dismay as he drank in the soft contours of your features. Your eyes, gentle and mesmerizing, seemed to dance in the warm sunlight, casting a spell on him. The gentle breeze tousled your hair, effortlessly arranging it in a perfect frame around your face. And your smile, though slightly awkward, possessed its own gentle yet friendly charm. Mingyu felt a flutter in his chest as he struggled to find his breath and he was unsure whether it was because of you or the lingering effects of his crush from before her departure. “You’re… you know…”

"I am?" You responded, slightly confused but perceptive enough to recognize that he was attempting to compliment you in his own boyish manner. "Thanks, I think," you added with a hint of amusement.

"Yeah," Mingyu felt a smile creeping onto his face, "Just know I mean no offense. Not in the slightest."

Wonwoo scoffed, crossing his arms. "No need to flirt, you know," he remarked, his tone tinged with amusement.

"Yeah," an outsider interjected in annoyance, flashing his belt of tickets like a trophy, "It’s not the time to go steady. You paid for your time, so pucker up so the rest of us can too."

Mingyu gritted his teeth as he turned around, his tanned skin flushed with a bright shade of embarrassment. "Why don't you both just chill out?"

Turning back to you, Mingyu cleared his throat. “I guess I should be kissing you now.”

"Right," you chuckled nervously, trying to steady your breathing, feeling a bundle of nerves coiling inside you already. "Here we go."

"Here we go."

It took a moment to find the right head placements, uncertain whether to lean right or left, but as your lips met his, there was no going back. The warmth of his breath against your skin, the softness of his lips, and the subtle tension in the air crackled like a kindling fire. Your eyes instinctively closed, hands finding their place against his forearms as you leaned in deeper, feeling the movement of his luscious lips transporting you to another realm.

When he finally pulled away, you tasted regret lingering between you, sensing his own conflicted emotions. “Okay, I think that’s worth one ticket,” he murmured, his breath fractured against the charged atmosphere.

“No, you've got a few more seconds,” you countered hungrily before eagerly diving in for seconds with even less reluctance.

Your fingertips brushed against the warmth of his cheeks, tracing the rugged contours of his face, as if committing every detail to memory for later satisfaction. Urgently, you pulled him closer, craving the taste of his lips against yours. Meanwhile, his hand claimed your waist possessively, pulling you closer as if afraid to lose the sensation, worried about ever feeling like this again.

At that moment, both of you seemed to devour the heat that the kiss ignited, a primal hunger burning with an intensity neither of you could deny. With each passing second, the world outside ceased to exist, leaving only the two of you locked in a passionate embrace that felt simultaneously fleeting and eternal.

“Hello…” the outsider sounded out. “Get a fucking hotel or something if you’re gonna get your dick wet, dude.”

The kiss ended abruptly with a hand on your shoulder roughly tugging you away from the scene. “Y/n, what the fuck are you doing with this guy?”

Your eyes shot back at Seokmin, catching the flash of anger in his gaze, but you didn't hesitate before firing back, “Hey, I was getting into that!”

“Excuse me, rock for brains. What are you doing making out with my Y/n?” Seokmin's voice dripped with venom and delusion.

Mingyu's eyes blazed with annoyance as he recognized the unwelcome intrusion that was Lee Seokmin. He had encountered the same-aged man more times than he cared to count, recalling their past battles for scholarships, facing off on opposite teams in various games, and every time Seokmin spoke, Mingyu felt himself recoil in disgust from the other's lack of sportsmanship. He wasn't a true soccer player; he merely kicked the ball around and messed about as if it meant nothing. The worst kind of colleague to have, and that was putting lightly.

"Excuse me," you interjected firmly, shoving your ex aside, "I am not yours."

Seokmin scoffed, his demeanor oozing with superiority. “Y/n, I told you your brother was going to the inferior school, and yet you’re macking with their biggest resident douchebags. I am beyond disappointed.”

“What does Yeonam have to do with this?” you asked, your tone tinged with offense at the implication.

Mingyu's gaze shifted toward you, a flicker of surprise lighting up his eyes as he began to piece together the puzzle. “Wait, Yeonam is your brother?” he echoed, comprehension dawning on him. His expression shifted into a mix of confusion and realization, a silent acknowledgment of his misstep evident in his befuddled expression that seemed to say, 'Oh, I fucked up.’

“Now that that’s cleared up, you’re about to get your fucking ass beat,” Seokmin spat.

Mingyu inflated his chest, adopting a confident swagger as he leisurely advanced toward Seokmin, his smug smile stretching across his face like a victorious conqueror. “What are you gonna do? All I need to do is hurl a ball at your nuts, and you’re down, buddy. Tears and everything.”

“That was you?” you exclaimed, now the surprised one.

Seokmin quickly tried to hush you, “Those were not tears! Something got in my eyes when I fell! You better watch yourself, Kim.”

“Or what?” Mingyu challenged, stepping closer, his eyes narrowing with determination.

You rushed to intervene, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. “Guys, this isn’t the place or the time. Let’s just cool down, okay?”

Seokmin's demeanor softened momentarily as he glanced at you. “You’re right, baby…or?”

Without warning, Seokmin swung a fist and landed it squarely on Mingyu's jaw, igniting an all-out brawl. Mingyu stumbled backward, clutching his face in pain as the crowd around them gasped, some even beginning to cheer, adding to the chaotic scene. Quick to recover, Mingyu retaliated, launching himself at Seokmin with a vengeance, delivering a blow to his ribs. You desperately tried to pull them apart, your voice drowned out by the noise of the onlookers.

Meanwhile, their tumultuous scuffle sent them careening from the face painting booth to the popcorn machine, narrowly missing poor Chan who was managing it. In the midst of the chaos, you found yourself tumbling headfirst into an innocuous display of cotton candy, the sticky sweetness clinging to your hair and clothes as you struggled to regain your footing.

As Mingyu and Seokmin continued to grapple with each other, they crashed into a stack of carnival prizes, sending stuffed animals flying in every direction. The crowd erupted in a mix of laughter and shock, drawing more onlookers by the second. Amidst the pandemonium, the distant blare of a security whistle signaled that your time to defuse the situation was running out.

Just as things seemed to spiral further out of control, your mother, the vice head of all things debutante, stepped in to intervene. "Stop it! Stop it! That’s quite enough," she exclaimed, her authoritative voice cutting through the chaos. She addressed you sternly, noting your involvement in the melee. "Y/n, this behavior is unbecoming and inappropriate! All of you! How could you let it get this far?"

Frustration simmered beneath the surface as you scowled, picking bits of food from your dress. Despite the urge to argue back, you held your tongue, unwilling to escalate the situation any further. Instead, you focused on composing yourself, brushing off the crumbs with an air of dignity amidst the carnival mayhem.

“The two of you are to leave the premises at once!” The head lady of the debutante society followed, her voice stern and authoritative as she lectured them like a disappointed parent. As Mingyu and Seokmin were escorted away, the carnival fell into a hushed buzz of gossip, with whispers spreading like wildfire about the dramatic altercation.

Meanwhile, you maneuvered through the crowd, attempting to blend in like a flock of pigeons amidst pedestrians, successfully avoiding the chaotic scene until you collided with a firm, warm body. Startled, you looked up to apologize, but before you could speak, their hand wrapped around your figure, steadying you. Meeting their eyes, you found a mixture of amusement and tenderness.

“Soonyoung,” you breathed out softly.

“There you are. You're here,” he claimed softly, a reassuring smile gracing his lips.

“Yeah, uh, a lot's happened,” you replied, feeling a wave of relief at his presence.

You didn’t hate the King, no. In fact, he trusted you a lot- maybe a bit more than he should. He had recognised how brilliant a physician and researcher you were early in your career and had appointed you as the royal physician himself. He depended on you a lot, as you did on him, and his fatherly affection sometimes almost made you crack and forget what you really wanted.

What you really wanted was to see the crown prince become the king, even if it was just for a day. You wanted to be the person to make it happen for him. You wanted to be trusted by him and you wanted him to depend on you. You wanted to be the person that would lead him to the crown that was rightfully his. You wanted to fulfil his deepest desire- you wanted him to rule, even if only for a day.

Because then, you would take the final step and free the Kingdom of Wonderland from its last-standing tyrannical ruler.

But the King- the old man. He just wouldn’t die. And that was making the both of you frustrated.

As you poured the new drug in a vial, signing the register to record today’s progress, you put the vial in the first-aid box and took off your apron, hanging it on the knob next to the shelves that lined the walls of your workshop. You straightened your deep green velvet gown and made sure the pearls adorning your neck looked perfect. Tucking some stray hair behind your ears and smirking at your reflection, pleased with the way you looked tonight, you picked up the box and left the medical chamber, walking towards the residential section of the castle where the royalty resided. 

The King hated staying in the infirmary so you had fulfilled his wishes and created a setup in his bedroom. Your assistants looked after him throughout the day and you would drop by multiple times to check on him, hoping to get a sight of the painfully handsome prince. 

Sometimes, you caught the Prince lounging with a book or a smoke, or swirling the wine in his glass. It sparked red in you- red for desire. You weren’t sure if that desire inside you was for him or his position or power- or the desire to simply end him as planned by the Master and move to the next phase of your life- but oh, how you wished he would look at you with something other than contempt in his eyes. You knew he disliked you because you were prolonging his father’s life and preventing him from taking the crown.

You were. You were doing exactly that. You wouldn’t kill the King until he would really look at you. You couldn’t simply tell him that, so you would have to take a risk that could end up with your head in the lunette, ready for execution.

You greeted the royal guards before you knocked on the door of the main chamber and the Prince’s aide, Mingi, opened the door and let you in.

“Good evening, Doctor,” the tall man let you in with a smile and you bowed in greeting before you entered, glancing around the living room for any signs of the prince but finding none. Mingi shut the door behind you and with a nod, you went towards the king’s bedroom, knocking before entering. 

The old man was reading some reports, round glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Even though he looked pale and his eyes looked lifeless, he looked as posh as ever with his greying hair neatly combed back and face freshly shaven. Upon noticing you, he set the reports aside and greeted you with a smile.

“How do you do, Doctor?” He asked and you pulled the stool near him, settling down.

“Just the usual, but I have some good news for you,” you said and when his face lit up, you shook your head. “You must tell me how you’ve been feeling first.”

“Well… I think the pain wasn’t as bad today, but I still can’t seem to walk around too much. I lose my breath too quickly.”

“I might have something for that,” you said. Routinely, he extended his wrist and you checked his pulse, listened to his heart with a stethoscope and checked his eyes. After making sure his vitals were normal, you told him about the new drug.

“It is an opium compound, so I’m not sure how different it will be, but I hope it will get better rather than worse.”

“Can’t get any worse than this,” the King sighed and you almost tsk-ed.

“It can get worse, but I’m here to prevent that,” you assured and the King nodded. “There is a risk factor, though.”

“And like always, I’ll take it,” he agreed, sitting straighter. After administering his routine medicines and skipping the ones that could hinder this new drug’s effect, you made him drink a spoonful of the red liquid. His mouth contorted as the bitterness of the drug spread across his tongue and then he took a deep breath.

“I’ll have the nurses monitoring the effects of this drug tonight, but if anything feels strange, you can have the guards send a message to me.”

“Thank you,” the King said and you bowed, exiting his room and making a turn-

And almost bumping into none other than the Crown Prince.

The Crown Prince Hongjoong, looking regal even in his plain black silk nightwear. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and you bowed in greeting, stepping aside and about to leave when he cleared his throat, making you stop.

“How is the King’s condition?”

You smirked internally before turning to face him. “Not better… not worse either.”

Prince Hongjoong narrowed his eyes and you sighed. “It’s because the drugs won’t work. I’ve administered a new one tonight, and I have hopes.”

What kind of hopes, he didn’t need to know.

“You always say that, yet my father is still bedridden.”

You noted his use of the term ‘father’. He always employed that term carefully, and you weren’t sure if anyone else had noticed that. 

“Well, it’s a bit… risky this time,” you began, testing the waters and when he raised his brow in curiosity, you knew you had him. “He might get worse before he gets better. Or… he may never recover if it doesn’t suit him.”

“Yet you still administered that drug to the King?”

There. He was now ‘the King’.

“The King,” you began, emphasising the word, “took a leap of faith in me and the drug if that means he could get better one day.”

The Prince nodded in understanding, about to go to his room.

“However,” you said in a low voice, looking around to make sure no one was in sight. Hongjoong turned to hear the rest of it, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of concealment. 

You took a few steps forward- tonight, the wheels of your big plan would start to turn. You purposely stepped a little closer than he would have liked and whispered, “I’ll tell you- the King shouldn’t be taking such risks at his age, and with his condition.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hongjoong asked in a whisper as if what you had shared was a secret.

You only shrugged, feigning innocence. “Who knows? If you really want answers though… maybe you could let me access the private library first.”

With that, you bowed and left, leaving the prince baffled. He opened the door of his father’s bedroom just a fraction and saw his brows furrowed in pain as he rested, the nurse paying no attention and instead more focused on knitting.

Hongjoong went to his room and found himself going over the conversation he had with you over and over again. He couldn’t help but recall previous instances of when you told him- and only him, he had noted- how his father could get worse or better depending on the situation.

Were you actually intending to tell him that you had his health, even his life, in your control? Had he been too oblivious of his royal physician’s actions and words? Had he underestimated you? He knew you were a good doctor- you were a renowned physician throughout the Capital. But were you offering him the controls?

The private library- he wondered what you intended to find there. Maybe he would give you a chance to prove yourself to him. Hongjoong smirked into the night sky, peering down at his kingdom from the height- perhaps, you were the weapon he needed to wield in order to get to the throne.

And if you were… 

Finally, the crown prince started to feel a new surge of hope and desire. Hope for the new world he wanted to create as soon as he could sit on the throne, and desire for that power.

Hongjoong saw red before his eyes as he shut them, letting the light breeze blow through his hair and caress his skin. He wasn’t sure if his grim laughter was echoing inside his head or being carried by the wind for the world to hear.

—------------------------------------

You were starting to wonder if your plan had not worked. 

The past week, you simply checked on the King and kept administering the same new drug that you now called ‘ruby’. It was a bit ironic to call it ruby, you thought. Ruby was Wonderland’s staple stone and what better name for a drug that would end the life of Wonderland's king? It was a shame no one could share the sentiment- when your assistants asked why you called the drug ruby, you simply answered that it was because of the colour.

Prince Hongjoong seemed like he was avoiding you on purpose. Maybe he was not interested in what you had to offer. You were pretty sure he got the message- the King was at your mercy and could be at the Crown Prince’s mercy if he wished so. However, he didn’t acknowledge your presence the few times you crossed paths with him within the week. A small part in your brain said that maybe you had made a mistake and he was being cautious. Maybe you should have never revealed all of that- maybe you had doomed yourself. If he suspected you of foul play, he could have you executed for treason. Maybe the Hongjoong did possess a functioning heart under all those layers of thorns. Yours had long been numb.

But maybe, just maybe, he was weighing his options. Could he trust you, the royal physician, a respectable doctor and medical researcher? Were you planning a trap for him- was it the King’s doing? Did the King suspect that his son really wanted him dead? Did one of his uncles, the Dukes, plant you here as a spy? They were interested in the throne- at least the older one of them, the Duke of Neverland Prince Woobin, was.

And why did you need to access the private library anyway? That was what kept nagging at Hongjoong’s mind. The private library was not attached to the main library but was located in the part of the castle that accommodated the royal residents. The only people allowed to access that library were those of royal blood. It mostly held archives related to court orders and the royal family history. Whatever could a doctor need in there?

With all these thoughts plaguing the prince’s mind, he found himself making way to the medical chamber after dinner accompanied by his aide, Mingi. Mingi asked if he was feeling alright but Hongjoong only said he wanted to ask you a few things regarding his father’s medication and that he was hoping to get something for his own insomnia. That relaxed his aide a bit- Mingi had been by Hongjoong’s side for a solid decade now and while they shared the same opinions on many things, Hongjoong still wasn’t sure if Mingi really agreed with his political views.

Hongjoong dreamt of big things. He was a dreamer and a doer, which he supposed was not an odd combination but a rare one- people usually had to give up one or the other. He, however, was not going to bow to this world- the world was going to bow to him. That was the world he aimed to create where he would be the ruler, where he would allow people to dream within his constraints. To him, there was no such thing as freedom. Freedom was simply a word to fool people into believing that they possessed the right and control over their life. Sure, Hongjoong was a slave to this word too. He dreamed to be free-

Free of the title of crown prince. Free of the title prince. He abhorred that word now- he wanted to be the king. He wanted the freedom to rule. And you- you had just offered him a shortcut, if he was right about this. 

Hongjoong was greeted by a few doctors at the workshop, the three of them moving around nervously and almost tripping on each other as they straightened and asked what brought the Prince all the way to the medical chambers- he could have sent a message. Hongjoong said he simply wanted to observe and check the progress of his doctors. One of them offered to take him to you, to his relief, and he followed the physician to the other end of the workshop which led to the room right next to the storage.

“That’s where the Head Physician usually works- she prefers a corner so she can experiment in peace- and it’s also to avoid involving others in any possible accidents,” the physician said, fiddling with his fingers as Hongjoong nodded. “I- I’ll alert her.”

Hongjoong watched with intrigue as the young physician carefully turned the knob so as to not make a single sound and slipped inside with light footsteps. Hongjoong peeked through the gap and realised you had your back against them. The physician waited for you to set all the equipment in your hands on the table before he cleared his throat and you turned to him.

“The Prince is here to uh, see you- your progress.”

“The Prince,” you breathed, your gaze going towards the door and you thought you spotted the familiar blonde hair. “Where is he?”

“Right outside.”

“Goodness, Jeongin, let him in then, don’t keep him waiting!” your eyes widened as you shooed the physician away and with the few seconds you had, you rubbed the stains on your hands and cleared the table in front of you. 

“Doctor,” his voice sounded, the door clicking behind him as Jeongin gave you both some space. 

“Your Highness,” you curtsied, your heart beating erratically and a bit too loudly- this was the first time you were in private with the Prince, after all. “What brings you here?”

“Just thought I’d check up on you,” the Prince narrowed his eyes as he walked past the counter with various vials of drugs and medicine arranged on them. He stopped near the ruby red liquid that he now recognised as his father’s recent prescription. “Any progress regarding the King’s health?”

“Surprisingly, he’s getting adjusted to the low doses quite well,” you said, noting the tiniest twitch of his facial muscles. “I will start increasing the dose in two days and see how he responds.”

“You mentioned a risk last time,” he raised his brow slightly as he locked eyes with you, seating himself on the very stool you had been sitting on just earlier. The proximity made you restrain a shiver, the cold countertop digging at your back providing a sense of relief in the form of familiarity. “I’d like you to elaborate.”

Got him.

Suppressing a smile, you obeyed. “Usually, I gradually increase the dosage and see how the King’s body reacts. The heart… it is a complicated organ and there are a lot of factors that can influence the working of the drug. Sometimes, the body ‘rejects’ a medicine which means we can’t have the patient take that anymore. The rejection can be due to age or some other factors.”

“And this new drug- ruby, you’re calling it?” Hongjoong asked, gaze darting over where the red vial was. “What’s so special about this?”

“Well,” you took a moment to find the right words to answer. “It’s more of a drug than a medicine, for starters. Addiction might be a side-effect but before that, there’s more to worry about. His body may look like it’s adapting and then all of a sudden, it could reject the drug and his condition could get worse.”

“Will there be any signs to indicate such a thing?” 

“I will answer that…” you leaned forward. “But first, I would like to access the private library.”

“And whatever would a royal physician find useful in the library?” The Prince asked, fiddling with the gold button on his black jacket. “It’s full of cobwebs and dust.”

“And a treasure of useful information,” you quipped.

The Prince gave you a threatening look and you sighed. “Alright, there are two reasons I want to access the library. I can only tell you one- that I want to check the family registers and private journals for any signs that this may be hereditary disease. That information is going to benefit you, and that’s my only purpose.”

“And the other reason?” He frowned, not really caring that you wanted to check for his sake. You supposed as a royal physician, it was your duty and he had nothing to be grateful for.

But your reason was still the same.

“I can’t tell you the other reason, because I’m not sure I’ll find anything about it and I don’t want to give you false hope,” you said and that got his attention. “But… if I do find something… you’re going to have to speed up the preparations for your coronation.”

Realisation dawned on Hongjoong’s face and he instinctively looked around before he stepped off the stool and walked towards you with heavy steps. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

“Loud and clear,” you smirked, taking off the mask because there was no need to show him anything but the truth now. “You want this. You want the throne, and I am your loyal subject. My only reason is to have you sit on the throne instead of one of the King’s brothers.”

Confidential information. How did the royal physician know that the King wanted to delay his son’s coronation and instead pass the hierarchy to one of his two brothers? The conflict between the King and Hongjoong was not news- they didn’t see eye to eye on many things and that was public knowledge. But how did you know all of that? 

Or was it so obvious, Hongjoong wondered, that the King did not want his son to take over the throne so soon? If the whole world was against his coronation, why were you presenting yourself as a loyal subject?

“We’ll talk about this later,” the Prince said in a low voice, pointing his finger at you. It unsettled him to see you stand so sure before him. He opened his mouth to say more but couldn’t find the words.

“I’m just a tool for you to use as you please,” you gently lowered his finger, watching his eyes flicker with surprise. “And I’m only doing this for you. Keep that in mind. Have a good night, Your Highness.”

—-----------------------------------

A tool for him to use as he pleased.

And if you wanted to prove your loyalty so bad, he would use you. He would exhaust your services until you had nothing more to offer. But first, Hongjoong needed to find out just what was so interesting about the family tree that you were tracing your finger along the lines that marked his ancestry. 

While you said nothing about him watching you from a distance like a hawk, when you opened one of the registers and your features twisted from concentration to satisfaction, he craned his neck to read the title. 

“Why are you looking at the death registers?”

“So I can learn how the King can die,” you said, watching the confusion on his face change to intrigue. “And how to avoid it.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game here, sweetheart,” the Prince said. “Are you really doing all of this to save the King?”

“I told you, but since we’re in private, we can talk more freely here,” you set the register on your lap, taking a deep breath. “So ask me whatever you want.”

“How did you know about the King considering one of my uncles to take over?”

“I have a few drugs that I sometimes slip in to make him talk,” you folded your arms. “And he’s quite a talker, your father.”

“How can you, a royal physician,” Hongjoong began, almost fuming at the thought, “abuse your power to make the King talk?”

“And why are you, the Crown Prince, not doing anything despite the knowledge of my medical malpractice? Clearly, you’re interested in what I have to offer.”

“I don’t need your loyalty,” Hongjoong shook his head, his platinum hair catching the moonlight through the patterned window behind him when he moved. “The throne belongs to me. Sooner or later, I will take over.”

“Unless your father announces that he likes the Duke of Neverland too much,” you countered. “Or the Duke of Mist Island. He may be a bit slow but he’s got better manners than you. Clearly you’re the least favourite.”

That was what made the Prince laugh mockingly. Though it was just him recovering from the blow that you delivered, you finally made him laugh and that was enough. 

“So, Miss Doctor,” the Prince said almost tauntingly. “What are your recent findings?”

“You won’t be sending me for execution after, will you?” You asked jokingly, though a small part in your heart was scared that you were absolutely wrong about the Prince. 

“That depends on the information I learn tonight,” he made himself clear. “I cannot have the royal physician murdering the King claiming that it was for the Crown Prince. Not a good look for me.”

You agreed, passing him the family tree and pointing at the death register. “These are the official medical records which are in the main library as well. But these parts-” you pointed at the red ink. “That’s information that was never made public. Abnormalities noticed during the treatment of your grandfather who suffered from the same disease as your father. Notice how opium was used for treatment for a few weeks?”

Hongjoong skimmed through the notes, finding an unnamed opium compound mentioned in the treatment section. “And what’s odd about opium being used as a medicine?”

“That they stopped within a few weeks but administered it again- look at how it’s scratched, but the symptoms I’m observing in your father now are similar to your grandfather’s even after they apparently stopped using this opium compound. I asked around and found out which ingredients were used and attempted to replicate this drug for your father. Ruby.”

“Ah,” Hongjoong nodded in realisation. “But why would they stop mentioning the drug- oh, they wouldn’t.”

The air suddenly felt grim as Hongjoong realised that there was a chance that medical malpractice or perhaps, bad intentions were what took his grandfather’s life. “Who was the royal physician at that time?”

“No longer alive,” you told him. “Otherwise I would have confronted him. I do suspect that he never recorded this because he was afraid he would be blamed for His Majesty’s death. There’s also the possibility that one of his sons had a hand in this, though your father was unfazed when I told him that I was treating him with opium.”

Hongjoong cracked his neck, an amused look on his face. “One of my uncles then, huh?”

“Just pure speculation, but my bet is on the doctor making a mistake and realising too late,” you told him.

“So, Doctor,” Hongjoong got up and walked ever so slowly around the table, coming to stand right in front of you. “What do you intend to do about this?”

“Well, now I know that the symptoms of this drug wreaking havoc on the body mimic natural symptoms of the disease, so even if the King keeps using this and, well, dies… I can blame it on his poor health.”

“What do you get out of crowning me?” The Prince whispered, bringing his hand up to hold you by the jaw and even though his grip was gentle as he tilted your face up, you could feel the power exuding from him anyway. It didn’t help that he looked absolutely ravishing like this and you could feel the flimsy shreds of self control falling apart by each second-

You needed to remember that you were here, that you were the Master’s spy, that you were doing this for the ultimate goal. To save Wonderland. You could not be distracted by something as mere as feelings.

“Would you believe me if I told you that I only want you to be the King?” You asked. “Is it so hard to believe that someone actually wants you to rule Wonderland with all their heart?”

“That makes no sense-”

“I want you,” you tested, a shiver running down your spine when his gaze darkened. “I want you to let me keep my post and let me make advances in medicine. I want you to fund my research and allow me to expand my network- even in the black market. I want you to cover me if I make a mistake and in return… I’ll be at your service, however you want. I will get rid of anyone you want.”

He could hear the sound of his heart thumping wildly between his ears. He could hear your breath and feel a whisper of it on his wrist. He could see the dangerous gleam in your eyes and he knew that you were a force to be reckoned with. How had he missed it? How did you appear so normal throughout all those years? He only ever suspected you of maybe fancying him because quite a few times, he had caught you watching him with something that resembled fascination, but now he was finding that it might be obsession. 

A tool for him to use as he pleased. Someone who would do whatever he wants.

Though you weren’t sure if what you said was just a lie or you actually meant some part of it, it clearly had an effect on the Prince. 

Hongjoong brought his thumb to caress the skin near your lips, watching you react under his touch. It was clear as day to him that you wanted him in more ways than you were letting on, perhaps more than even you yourself were aware of. He swiped his thumb across your lower lip, watching your mouth part and your gaze expectant.

Hongjoong kept his thumb pressed on your lip as he bent down to meet your eyes, his face inches away from yours. You held your breath, your heart doing little flips that made you want to crawl away from him. He stared at you for a few moments.

“You will do as I say, whenever I say, whatever I want. Is that clear?” He ordered and you nodded. “For now, you will keep administering ruby to keep the King alive. We don’t want his health to deteriorate all of a sudden. I want you to learn the King’s intentions- who he really wants to crown and for what reasons. I’ll only hear what comes out of his mouth, not your silly little speculations. Make him talk.”

“Understood… Your Highness.”

Hongjoong nodded slowly, trailing his finger down your chin and tracing the outline of your jaw, trailing it down the angle of your neck and leaving goosebumps along your skin. He locked eyes with you as if to dare you to stop him but you only sat still, though he could swear you bent back just a fraction to allow him better access. He played with the pearls on your neck for a moment, trailing his finger down the middle of your chest until they met your collar, dangerously close to the hollow between your breasts.

With a teasing look and a smirk on his lips, he pressed at that spot before backing away. You took a moment to calm down before you shut the registers and put them back on the shelves, agreeing to meet here the night after tomorrow again. As soon as you were in the darkness and comfort of your room, you slumped down on the bed, exhaling.

You could still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin. You could still feel his eyes boring into you. You could still feel the warmth of his breath caress your face.

And while you were overwhelmed with desire, there were more important matters at hand-

Finding out what the King wanted. You would make him talk and deliver the information to the Prince to prove your loyalty and service to him.

You could only hope he would really look at you and believe what you told him. That was necessary for your plan to actually work. You hoped he would think that all you wanted was to excel as a royal physician and medical researcher. You hoped he would understand that only he possessed the power to make that happen. And when he would let his guard down, that would be when you would strike. 

You picked the mattress to move one of the bed planks, revealing a box that contained paper and ink. Using the clear ink on the sandy paper with a bluebird on the corner, you began to write the first message after months of silence.

“The arrow has escaped the bow and is flying towards the target, slowly but surely. The wielder should start preparing for the aftermath.”

—------------------------------------

“How are you feeling, Your Majesty?” You asked, hand around his wrist to check his pulse, noting down the readings as he shuffled.

“Fine for the most part, but I feel lightheaded at times.”

“No changes in his diet?” You asked the nurse assigned to the King and she shook her head no. “Must be the drug then. Is it bearable?”

“For now,” the King confirmed, his eyes darting towards where his son stood at the corner of the room with his arms folded and a deadpan stare. The King shifted uncomfortably yet again and you shot a glare at the Prince which he caught, huffing and looking elsewhere. “Does he have to be present here?”

“Does he make you uncomfortable?” You asked nonchalantly, comparing your readings with the last few days and noticing a pattern. “He’s worried about your health.”

The King grunted. “As if.”

“More worried than your brothers you adore so much,” the Prince mocked. “I don’t see them inquiring about your health. At all.”

“Aren’t you just waiting to hear bad news?” The King asked and when Hongjoong was about to retort, you raised your hand in the air.

“I would appreciate it if you don’t rile him up, Prince Hongjoong,” you said politely. “Your Majesty, you should avoid stressing about your health so much. Have you been taking your morning walks?”

The nurse cleared her throat and you looked at her. “He’s missed two days in a row.”

You turned to look at the King who appeared guilty. “I’m feeling sluggish lately. It’s harder to get up in the morning.”

You noted that- could this be ruby’s doing? Shutting your register, you got up and talked to the nurse while the father and son argued a bit more about the Prince’s unusual presence and the King’s unusual love for his brothers. When you took your leave, the Prince accompanied you all the way to the main door and just when you were about to leave, he looked around to make sure no one was within earshot.

“I thought I asked you to keep the King healthy-”

You clicked your tongue and grabbed his wrist to pull him to your right so the nurse who just exited the King’s room wouldn’t notice the look on the Prince’s face. “Can you be more obvious? We shouldn’t be talking about this here- and it’s not my doing, by the way.”

The Prince looked at you with scepticism and before he could snatch his wrist from your grip, you let go of it yourself. You could see the muscles in his jaw clenching as he formed a response. 

“We’ll talk about this later,” the Prince promised almost threateningly and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes. “Tonight. Library. Mingi will accompany you.”

You huffed in response, glancing at his aide who came to inspect what the noise was about. Bowing mockingly, you exited the chamber and made way towards your room near the medical chamber. 

You were about to make a turn to the left when you bumped into a guard who was carrying some documents and you apologised, squatting down to pick up the pages that he dropped. While collecting them and exchanging more apologies, you thought you spotted a familiar stamp but the guard was immediately on his way after thanking you. You took only two steps before you realised-

It was the bluebird stamp.

You kept walking, the Master’s bitter tone ringing in your ears reminding you to keep moving forwards and remain unfazed. It took a lot of effort to keep a straight face because after months of radio silence, you finally saw a sign that the bluebirds were here. They were in the castle and they had not abandoned you.

However, when you picked your mattress to take out the box and saw a letter inside, the contents of the letter made sweat ooze out of your pores even when you felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you. You were once again reminded that the bluebirds were a very extensive network with eyes and ears everywhere.

But how did they know what happened inside the private library? You and Hongjoong were the only ones present. The short message in the letter seemed to suggest as if they had taken a peek inside your heart at your most vulnerable moment.

“Do not lose sight of the real target. Do not get distracted. Pleasure is temporary. Freedom can be eternal.”

The two hours that you waited for the Prince’s aide to knock on the door had to be the longest of your life. You simply sat on the chair biting your nails unceremoniously as you tried to figure out just who in the castle or the Prince’s closest companions could be the part of the rebel group that was the core of your identity.

The bluebirds, trained by one Master whose face had always been hidden behind a mask, whose voice was a command itself. Your parents were a part of that group, but you could hardly call them parents because as soon as you were able to walk on your own and think without guidance, your training started. You learned the art of disguise, trickery and manipulation. You learned science and medicine until you started achieving things on your own. You were no one special, though. You were just another spy who was in the castle, disguised as someone of importance. Any doubts about you being alone in the castle were gone now. 

You were wondering if the Prince was aware of the existence of your group- it was a secret underground rebel group but it had been active for decades now. The bluebirds were slowly but surely infiltrating the government bodies and were directly or indirectly responsible for some of the major policies that influenced the kingdom. 

When the knock sounded on the door, you sighed in relief and got up to open the door to Mingi and you greeted him with a nod, grabbing your keys and locking the room behind you. He accompanied you to the royal chamber in silence until you were almost there and he cleared his throat. 

“Is there a reason you have to access the private library so often?”

You narrowed your eyes purposely as he glanced at you. “Ask your prince? He doesn’t have to be present- I’m just looking for something that can help me with the King’s treatment.”

“Are you sure you’ll find that there?” He asked, taking a turn towards the corridor that led to the library. “I mean… have you looked in the main library?”

“Yes, and yes,” you said. “I’ve gone through everything before asking the Prince for permission to access the private library.”

“If you’re looking for medical related stuff, you should look for the archives in the public library here in the Capital too,” Mingi suggested and you perked up at that. “Anything of importance that is no longer in the castle can be found there.”

“If it is of importance, why would it be no longer in the castle?” You wondered.

“Rebels used to raid libraries about twenty years ago, if you remember your history,” Mingi answered. “Whatever was recovered went to the public library instead of back here.”

Now that was something you had not been aware of. If important archives and documents had been stolen, why were they at the public library instead of at the castle? And more importantly, was it the bluebirds that carried out these attacks? If it was the bluebirds, why had no one told you? You could have visited the public library with ease any time.

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll make sure to visit the public library the next time I step out of the castle.”

Mingi smiled in response and extracted a key out of his pocket, unlocking the wooden carved door that opened to the library. “The Prince is inside. I’ll be on my way then.”

You nodded and stepped inside the dark room, letting the aide shut the door behind him as he left. You walked towards the window which was the only source of light- did the Prince not bother lighting any candles while he was inside-

There was a sole candle on the table where you had sat a few nights ago with Hongjoong when you checked the family tree. Hongjoong was nowhere to be found though, so you started walking past the shelves, looking to spot the man-

And trying your hardest to swallow a scream when he appeared out of nowhere, though he was quick to grab your arms to avoid a collision.

“Easy there,” he said, sounding amused. Probably because you were positive all the colour left your face. 

Well, if it had, it sure returned with a flush when you noticed how close you were to the Prince and how human he looked in the moonlight now that he wasn’t wearing his permanent scowl and his hair wasn’t styled to perfection. The tendrils falling on his forehead over his eyes created a soft look. It wasn’t always that the Prince looked anything less than menacing so you got a good look at him before wriggling away.

“Sorry, but you could have lit a few more candles. It’s pretty dark here.”

“We avoid candles. Don’t want to risk a fire, which is why it’s usually optimal to access this room when the sun is out.”

“Can’t go around scheming during the day though, can we?” You said casually though the comment made the Prince chuckle darkly. It looked like he was finally coming to terms with you- and himself. 

“Doesn’t seem like the daytime would be a hindrance for you,” the Prince put his hands in the pockets of the black slacks he was wearing. “Did you switch the drug? Why is the King feeling off?”

“I need to research a bit more to answer that,” you folded your arms. “I don’t control the way his body reacts to the drug. If it seems like ruby will deteriorate his health at a rapid pace, I might have to stop administering that drug to him.”

“Lower the dose then,” he ordered. “Or do you have a better alternative?”

“A better alternative to what?” You dared to ask, earning an annoyed look. “Do you want the King alive and healthy for as long as possible?”

Hongjoong cocked his head- did you really want to hear it from his mouth?

“Or… do you want his health to decline such that it would seem natural?” You scoffed at the way he glared at you. “Surely, you must have made up your mind by now.”

“I asked you to keep the King healthy,” he practically spat. “And I asked you to make him talk.”

“I think he dislikes your presence a little too much, Prince,” you snickered. “I actually slipped a few drops of verita tonight. A harmless little thing, only makes you a bit hazy so that you start saying things you wouldn’t otherwise. And oh, the only thing he had to say was that you’re just waiting for him to die.”

“Yeah, well, that is the sad truth,” he said mockingly, glancing towards the window. “He won’t talk in front of me. I suspected that.”

“Looks like you’re stuck with me then,” you said, moving past him to go to the last shelf which contained the rest of the medical records of the royal family that you hadn’t had the chance to access yet. “I do think he’s aware that he doesn’t have much time. Isn’t the Duke of Neverland visiting soon?”

“Next week, yes. Bet he’ll be over the clouds to see my father dying especially when he learns that he’s in his good graces.”

“Well… that’s how I’m here to help,” you glanced at him. “I was thinking… your father was the crown prince, which means he probably didn’t visit your grandfather much when he was ill. He must have been too busy trying to keep the kingdom stable and running.”

“That’s right,” Hongjoong agreed. “I recall my grandfather complaining how he never made time for him.”

“And it’s a known fact that the Duke of Neverland tried to snatch the title of crown prince. Tried to coerce his father. Didn’t work, did it?”

“He was let off with a warning, and now he’s after me.”

“He must have visited your grandfather a lot then,” you brought the medical register that you had checked a few nights ago back to the table. “The royal physician who treated your grandfather is no longer alive, but the Duke of Neverland must know something about the treatment. You have to keep an eye on him and watch his reaction carefully when it is revealed that ruby is being used to treat the King.”

Hongjoong frowned. “Do you suspect that he had something to do with it?”

“I do,” you admitted. “Especially because he’s been coveting your title. He might have meddled with the late King’s treatment- it’s just an assumption for now, but it is strange how the late King suddenly passed away.”

The Prince nodded slowly and you could see that he was trying to connect the dots. You cleared your throat, catching his attention.

“I also plan to visit the public library in the city soon. Your aide Mingi told me that I may find something of importance there.”

Hongjoong wasn’t surprised to hear that so you figured they must have discussed something. “He’ll accompany you on that visit.”

“Alright,” you said, getting up to find more books and records on the royal bloodline’s medical history. 

Time passed by quickly even though you found little to nothing of interest, but it looked like the seed of doubt had been planted because the Prince seemed to be deep in thought as he kept glancing at the page you had pointed to- the word ‘opium’ scratched over and over as if someone had tried to erase the evidence of it. You smiled to yourself- the plan seemed to be working.

Though you kept one eye on the Prince, you became distracted by a book on alchemy that seemed to be annotated by the royal physician during the time of the King’s grandfather. You flipped through the pages, mouth parted in surprise and awe at the dedication and effort of the royal physician- he seemed to have created the blueprint for most of the drugs that were now commonly supplied throughout Wonderland, and that was a remarkable feat.

You almost didn’t hear the Prince until he was right behind you and you jumped a little when he rested a hand on your shoulder to let him take a peek at what you were reading. When he noticed the surprise on your face, he smirked.

“What’s got you so busy and immersed that you didn’t notice my presence?”

“Sorry, uh,” you collected yourself, sliding away just a fraction but he seemed to have caught that- he caught everything. “Notes from the royal physician during your great grandfather’s time. He’s a figure we doctors look up to a lot.”

Hongjoong flipped through the pages, book still in your hand. “Have you always wanted to become a doctor?”

A question so simple yet you had never been asked before. Your brows rose momentarily as you processed the question, trying not to lose yourself in the spiral of what the real answer was- that no. You never wanted to become a doctor. It was just something you taught yourself to love- or something you pretend to love so you don’t forget why you’re here-

“Is it such a difficult question to answer?” He shrugged, taking the book from you so you would have no choice but to focus on him.

“I guess I just learned to love it when I found myself in this field,” you said. Probably the first honest thing you had shared with the Prince. “Have you always wanted to be the crown prince?”

Hongjoong laughed at that, caught by surprise at your sudden question and you found yourself joining- you had never heard the Crown Prince laugh like that- like a kid, unguarded. The Prince seemed to realise that too, though that didn’t stop him. You supposed that since it was only the two of you within the privacy of these four walls, he felt more at ease. And though the rational part in you told you that it was good that he was letting his guard down, your heart ached for some reason.

“I guess I learned to love it too?” He shrugged. “At some point, it becomes something you have to do rather than something you want to do.”

You nodded- you knew that all too well. “You’re doing this for the kingdom.”

“For the people,” he said. “The King hasn’t been making the best decisions regarding the kingdom ever since he got sick. The people- I know they aren’t fond of me, but they do not know how to run this kingdom. They think resuming trade with the bordering nations like the King plans to will help stabilise our economy.”

“I mean… a common man would think that you would save a lot from land routes instead of the sea routes.”

“But the common man is not aware that the King plans to impose more taxes and tariffs on his people,” Hongjoong told you as if letting you in on a secret- it was, except you were already aware. “And I think even if they find out, they will overlook that. In the long run, it will only create more problems and smuggling will become rampant. We barely managed to control that when we were recovering from the late King’s death.”

“But do you really care about the people?” You dared to question, relaxing when Hongjoong only passed you an amused look. “Or is it just because you want to prove something to your father and uncles?”

“Can’t it be a little bit of both?” He leaned against the shelf. “The people…” Hongjoong shook his head. “They say it’s only the people who suffer from the decisions we make. Is that really true though? Because I think they’re living a pretty pleasant life without worrying about making decisions of such magnitudes.”

“I guess the royal class suffers in their own way,” you scoffed. “Insomnia.”

“Insomnia can’t be classified as suffering anymore. It’s more of a bonus.”

You smiled at that- that was true. There wasn’t a royal who didn’t suffer from lack of sleep- or lack of good sleep. “Is there something that helps you sleep better at night? Apart from the prescriptions?”

“Overworking,” Hongjoong spread his arms to prove what he was doing right now instead of resting. “And… well. Other activities.”

“Such as?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you love to hear about that,” Hongjoong smiled suggestively and you were lost for a second before you almost choked, looking away to keep the flush creeping on your cheeks at bay. “Want to help me with that? Be my personal nurse?”

“Shut up,” you muttered, snatching the book from him and putting it back on the shelf, his dark chuckle echoing inside you. He leaned forward right at the moment that you were turning in his direction, the both of you surprised when you found your faces inches away from each other- you could almost see the flecks of brown in his dark orbs even in the faint moonlight.

Almost hastily, you took one step back at the same moment that he leaned forward, his eyes locked with yours. You raised a brow, the atmosphere heavy with unspoken words. The air was thick with tension, taking the form of something almost electric and tangible- you were sure if you mimicked his movements and leaned forward, you would combust.

The Prince slipped his tongue between his teeth in contemplation and your gaze fell there- a mistake, because you were so, so tempted to get a taste of those plush lips. If it wasn’t obvious to Hongjoong, you were curling in on yourself with each passing second as your heart and mind clashed with one another violently inside of you-

“Didn’t peg you as the shy type,” the Prince commented, barely a whisper.

“I’m not shy,” you retorted. “I’m just trying to find an answer as to why you keep crowding my personal space.”

“Ah, is that how it is now?” Hongjoong tsk-ed in disappointment, standing straight now. “Thought you liked it when I did that.”

You did. You couldn’t tell him that not because he couldn’t know, but because you were sure he would do something about it and that couldn’t end well for you.

“Looks like you’ll be up all night tonight then,” you scoffed, making the Prince laugh again. “I’ll be taking my leave now. Unlike you, I’m not a royal so I cannot sleep in or ditch my duties. Goodnight, Prince.”

Hongjoong only shook his head in amusement as he watched your figure disappear. The smile fell when you left and he went back to sit on the sofa, watching the moon from the window.

He was pretty sure you had an ulterior motive under the pretence that you were unquestionably loyal to him. There was no such thing as loyalty- a person was faithful as long as they were satisfied. Hongjoong knew that very well, so he wondered just what you were going to get out of killing the King and crowning him. It didn’t look like you wanted to sit on the throne with him, but he didn’t dismiss the possibility- you could simply just be very good at hiding your feelings.

But then… a smirk started creeping on Hongjoong’s lips as he recalled the way he got you flustered. It wasn’t his presence that got you all tense- it was when he flirted, that was clear to him now. However, you were putting up quite a fight-

And Hongjoong wasn’t one to back away from a fight. Plus… he really wanted to shut you up once. 

And if getting in your good graces- if it could be called that- would get him some answers then he was going to make this enjoyable. 

He just had to keep his guard up. And that wasn’t so hard, was it?

—--------------------------

It was becoming harder with each passing day to keep your guard up when you were with the Prince.

He was just as stubborn and hot-headed as ever, which was already something you had to deal with. He was especially jumpy since the Duke of Neverland seemed to have been attacked by a ‘rebel group’ on his way to the castle and had delayed his trip by a few days. The King was worrying too much about his brother and that annoyed the Crown Prince to bits. His frustration was obvious and everyone around him was having to deal with the aftermath. 

And because he was so frustrated, he couldn’t sleep which meant that whenever you met up in the private library- not to read anymore but to talk and plan- he acted… different. You wondered if it was the lack of sleep that was making him lightheaded and outright flirtatious but it seemed to be just… Hongjoong being Hongjoong. And you weren’t sure how long you could keep joking around like this- turning him down by joking was what you had been doing actually.

It was the little things- he would sit in front of you only to overwhelm you with his stare, his eyes scanning you in a different manner than usual. He would purposely play with the edge of your skirt or if he was feeling a little daring, with your fingers while you chatted about medical history or politics. You tried your best to ignore it, especially since there was an obvious reason that you could not involve yourself with the Prince. 

But with each passing day and each passing moment spent by the Prince’s side, you were wondering if it would be too bad to have just a little fun while you carried out your plan. And if you looked at the bigger picture, it could help you carry out your plan and perhaps benefit you in ways you hadn’t ever considered before.

It would also be a slap on the Master’s face. The Master who had overseen your training and told you that all you were was just a piece in the puzzle he was playing. In your whole life, even at the castle, whenever you were about to make a decision of your own, he would send a sign and hold your invisible reins back- just like when you saw one of the guards with the bluebird stamp. It was always a warning that came out of the Master’s mouth and never a word of encouragement or affirmation that you were on the right path and that your efforts were commendable.

You had dedicated your whole life to the cause of the bluebirds- to end the monarchy, once and for all. It had been attempted in the past but never successfully, and you supposed it was because the previous rulers had been wise enough to dismiss internal conflict so they could focus on the external threats from the bluebirds. However, after decades, there was finally enough internal conflict to narrow the royals’ visions. They would not see it coming. There were many key players in this plan, in the light and in the shadows- but you were aware that you were the wild card of this game.

And if you succeeded, which you were bound to from the looks of it so far, the monarchy would end- there would be no one of royal blood left to rule, and before someone else could take over, the other players would make sure that the system of monarchy would collapse and democracy would be established. Once that was done, the people would finally have a taste of true freedom. It was going to be a very tragic end for the royal bloodline, and if you were going to play a part in it…

Would it be too wrong to have some fun and have him think that you actually liked him? Though if you started pondering on the matter, you didn’t have an answer- you were confused. But it was becoming harder to reject his subtle advances and you weren’t sure how long you could hold your fort, so why not let him think he had the upper hand?

“You’re staring, sweetheart.”

It didn’t help when he called you sweetheart or kitten or something equally stupid (and something that strangely tugged at your heartstrings). You quite liked hearing such terms from his mouth and you wanted to hear him say a lot more-

“Drooling, now.”

“There’s just a strange insect near your ear-”

The terrified face the Prince made as he swatted wildly near both his ears made you choke down your laugh but when he finally realised you were joking, you laughed wholeheartedly, clapping your hands in disbelief while Hongjoong recovered from the surprise and embarrassment.

“Do you have a death wish?” He growled, shaking his head and you wiped the tears in your eyes, noticing that he was almost smiling now.

“Do you have a death wish?” You countered. “I wasn’t staring, neither was I drooling. I just… zoned out.”

“You were staring,” he insisted. “But I don’t blame you. I’m quite a sight for sore eyes, am I not?”

“Totally,” you muttered, not daring to fuel him further lest he figure you out. You set the vials in your hands aside, getting up to grab the washcloth and clean the counter. “If you’re going to make my lab your lounge, I must let you know that I’m not responsible if I ‘accidentally’ spill a chemical on you.”

“Yeah, this might not be the best place to get comfortable,” he sent you a suggestive look. “There are tons of abandoned rooms in the castle.”

“And you want me to give you company?” you wiped at a stubborn blue mark on the counter near the Prince’s hand. “Because we haven’t been doing anything, just coexisting in the same space. Sounds like someone has been lonely.”

When he didn’t respond, you glanced at him to find his expressions guarded. It strangely reminded you of yourself and you continued. “It’s alright. I’m not one to say, though I must admit I thought you had more people who you met eye to eye with.”

“Well, you’re the only one who knows my wicked intentions,” he scoffed. “I might have to get rid of you for that.”

“No wonder you have no friends,” you made a face, taking off your apron and going to wash your hands in the sink. “I thought you appreciated that I was willing to kill for you.”

“You know, I really don’t get it,” Hongjoong got up, walking towards the other counter where you were drying your hands. “You sound like you’ve killed people. Or you think too highly of yourself.”

“Well… we both have blood on our hands, whether we’ve killed or not,” you said and he realised that was true. “A lot of people have died by my hands, just like they have by yours.”

Hongjoong didn’t need to know that you had actually poisoned and killed whoever came close to discovering the identity of the bluebirds. He would only assume you meant that about your sick patients, and that was fine.

“Does it keep you up at night?” He asked teasingly.

“Not really,” you grinned. “It’s not what keeps you up either.”

Hongjoong shook his head in disbelief and wonder, his hand going to your face almost naturally to tuck the stray hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to sound so happy about it, princess, just because you don’t have to pretend to be sad about it in front of me.”

Princess. 

How could he so casually call you princess and invoke such a powerful desire in you to be the owner of that title? To have the Prince repeatedly call you that? 

“Do you go around calling anyone princess?” You asked, sounding out of breath and Hongjoong raised his brow- he didn’t realise that it would have such an effect on you, but then again-

He had never called anyone princess, not even jokingly.

“Do you like that?” He asked, his thumb caressing your cheek as his hand cupped your face. “Do you like being called princess?”

“It’s you who said it, Prince.” you answered.

Hongjoong cocked his head in thought- were you after the title then, or had you simply never been called something affectionate? Because he did notice how you reacted every time he called you something as simple as sweetheart, or love- even when it was derogatory. He wished he could peek inside your mind and see what you were thinking-

He saw how your gaze darkened when you gently grabbed his wrist to draw his hand away from his face just a fraction, only to peck his palm- your lips felt like the brush of a feather against his skin but that only fueled his selfish desire to get a taste of them for himself.

“Do not ever call me a princess again,” you warned in a low voice, surprising him. “Do not call me anything that you don’t mean. I’ll take my leave first. Goodnight, Your Highness.”

Before you could fully turn away from him, he caught your wrist and tugged you towards him, making your body collide with his lightly. The two of you were now flush against each other, your joined hands in the air as he scanned your face, the desire in your eyes so obvious that it was palpable. 

And he was pretty sure he was very obvious too- he just couldn’t help it. He was beyond confused and it irked him to no end and he needed to find the answer. He was sure you were his answer-

You shook your head as if that could help your situation but you gave up and rested your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his body stiffen for just a second before he relaxed. He let go of your wrist only to place his hands on the curve of your hips while you fisted the material of his shirt in your hands-

Oh, you wanted to have a little fun? This was it, and it scared you to no end. You only took a few moments to inhale and memorise the musky notes of his scent before you drew back and made way to the exit without meeting eyes with him.

You couldn’t face him when you weren’t sure if you just wanted to play with him, use him or be with him.

—----------------------------

“If that black fake dye wasn’t obvious, your jumpiness is giving you away,” you commented when you spotted Hongjoong casting a wary glance at the poor teen who happened to cross your path. “You can take off the cloak. It’s just a library.”

“If anyone recognises me here, it could get dangerous,” he muttered.

“It’s literally the library, relax,” you said, looking at Mingi for help but he seemed to be enjoying your bickering and raised his hands in surrender. “You’re making it harder for me to concentrate. Mingi, can you accompany the Prince to the kids’ section please?”

“Don’t call me the Prince here- hey!” Hongjoong scowled, making Mingi stifle another snicker. “I’m not bothering you, okay? Read what you have to, I’m just standing here.”

“I mean… you are making it a bit obvious,” Mingi started but shut up when the Prince shot him a dirty look. “Alright, let’s give the doctor some space so we can save some time. We don’t have to go to the kids’ section.”

You groaned in relief, silently thanking Mingi who was originally going to be your only companion on this trip to the library. It looked like the Prince’s aide had gotten used to whatever was going on with you two, or simply didn’t care enough to question it. Perhaps he didn’t dare to, which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. But you still had no idea why the Prince was here- did he have so much free time or was he shirking his duties? Why did the Prince’s aide not tell him this was a bad idea?

Whatever it was, you took your sweet time exploring everything on the royals- not just the medical related knowledge you were here for, but political history and uprisings, specifically. You were aware that things could take a very wrong turn and you wanted to be prepared for everything. You didn’t want to be limited only by the knowledge the Master had allowed you to gain. 

So when about two hours later you went to find Hongjoong and Mingi, you almost panicked when you couldn’t spot them anywhere- but while frantically searching for them you heard low, oddly familiar giggles. You narrowed your eyes as you took two turns to find the Prince and his aide sitting on the floor side by side, pointing at crude images in the comic books-

In the kids’ section.

You cleared your throat, but they only spared you a glance, snickering at something funny they read but remaining unmoving. 

“Your Royal Highness,” you sighed. “It’s getting dark. We should go back to the castle.”

“Let me just finish this chapter,” Hongjoong wiped a fake tear from his eye while Mingi doubled over with laughter over something he read. You folded your arms, looking at them in utter disbelief.

This was the Prince you were supposed to put on the throne? This was the man the Master wanted you to kill?

You smiled to yourself at the sight of the two- you weren’t sure the Prince would get to have such carefree moments in the future, so you let them take their time, making a mental note of whatever they were reading. When they finished the chapter, they got up and got back to being the stuck-up Prince and guarded aide duo, steering you towards the exit and into the carriage to go back to the castle.

The ride was mostly silent, all of you sorting your thoughts out. You agreed to meet up later tonight at one of the abandoned rooms that had become your rendezvous point now. For now, the Prince sneaked back to his room through one of the secret routes so no one would question why he was out looking like that with the royal physician, of all the people.

You were glad that you were busy for the rest of the evening with lab work and assisting the other doctors in the infirmary. You went to the royal chamber later at night for the routine checkup on the King, administering the lower ruby dose mixed with a little verita this time. There were some answers you needed, so you dismissed the nurse, saying she could take a breather while you talked to the King.

“Hongjoong has been diligent lately. It’s strange,” the King found himself pondering out loud.

“Has he not always been diligent?” You asked- the Prince was known to be too hardworking.

“It’s like he almost means it now,” the King admitted. “It makes me rethink if I’ve been too harsh on him.”

“Or maybe he’s just preparing to take over more of your duties,” you carefully threw in the suggestion. “You haven’t been attending some of the meetings.”

“Could be,” he laughed, though it didn’t sound happy. “Woobin is arriving next week- he could be preparing himself. They’re always clashing with each other whenever they’re in the same room.”

“Hmm… about that,” you began, knowing that the verita was working now. “What do you think about the attack on His Highness Woobin?”

“What is there to think?” The old man frowned. “The Duke of Neverland has enemies just like all of us.”

“I was just wondering if you should look into which rebel group specifically planned the attack. It could be that insiders shared information and his travel route.”

The King thought for a moment, scratching the grey stubble on his face in thought. “You’re right. It’s either his men or one of ours.”

“You know, I went to the city today,” you told him while rubbing the pressure points on his hand. “And I heard rumours- people are speculating the Prince might have had a hand in the Duke’s attack. It’s not a secret that you favour the Duke and might pass the hierarchy to him- the public does prefer your brother over your son.”

“Ah…” the old man frowned in thought. “Could this be the case?”

“They’re only rumours,” you shrugged. “Nothing to worry about, really.”

But you had planted the seeds of worry and doubt in the King, strengthening his likening for the Duke. Once he would confront Hongjoong and demand answers or a confession to something he didn’t do, the Prince’s hatred for his father and uncles would amplify.

And when that would happen, you would be there for the Prince. You would act as his sword when he would demand it, and shield him when he would need it. You would do all of that before turning at him.

But for now… 

“He really thinks I’m not performing my duties properly?”

“You don’t have to sound so hurt- it’s not like he knows how hard you work,” you consoled the Prince. “He would think you’re neglecting your duties but he’s coped up in his room all day. He’s just being bitter.”

Hongjoong folded his arms and you shook your head at the way he was sulking, his frown deepening with each passing second. “He’s never going to acknowledge me.”

“You don’t have to get acknowledged by him. You’re the rightful owner of the crown. Neither the King nor his brothers should try to take that away from you.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes I’m tempted to give up too,” he confessed and your eyes widened in surprise. He looked away from you, the faint hues of the candlelight casting shadows at the cuts and creases of his face. “I’m driving myself to do something for this kingdom only to be remembered as a tyrant in the history books you love reading so much.”

Even though he had pretended not to care about having such a reputation for the rest of his life, you were a bit thrown off to learn that it was a genuine concern he harboured in his heart. Once again, you found yourself blurring the lines of what was supposed to be the boundary between your facade and the feelings in the deepest recesses of your heart. 

“You don’t have to look at me like that,” he chuckled darkly. “I don’t know why I’m even saying this in the first place.”

“It’s okay to share,” you urged. “No judgement here.”

“Yeah, I might be a bit too honest in your presence,” he laughed, shaking his head. “You know, while we were at the library and Mingi and I were reading those stupid books-”

“You loved those stupid books-”

“Not the point, but I realised something,” Hongjoong sent you a warning glare to not interrupt him again and you sat straighter, crossing your legs that were dangling from the edge of the bed. “I realised that I rarely ever had moments where I was just… Hongjoong. Not the prince, not the crown prince.”

“Just Hongjoong looked a bit silly, I’ll admit.”

Hongjoong only smiled at that. You decided to do something about this- you did not like him seeing so quiet and sentimental. 

“Even the greatest of warriors are called privileged by people who will never know what sacrifices they made so their kids live a better life than they did,” you said. “You may think that you’re alone, but you’re not. You’ve got one loyal supporter right here,” you raised your hand and he let out a short laugh. “You don’t need to convince the world- or even your father- to see your true intentions. Not that they would appreciate it, now that I think about it…”

Hongjoong laughed at that, resting his hand on his chest. “That was a jab.”

“Yeah, well, the world doesn’t need to know you plan to get rid of the King so they can live a better life in the future,” you teased. “They would be appalled to learn that.”

“You should shut your mouth sometimes, darling. You’re too loud,” he warned though he couldn’t keep himself from smiling shamelessly. 

Your eyes twinkled with curiosity and wonder- he really was just like you. You weren’t the most moral person, you knew all too well- the Master had drained the morality out of you, but he- 

He was here, in all his royal glory yet still just as ugly as you inside. He didn’t attempt to hide it, rather wore it like a badge, though only those who really looked at him found who he truly was.

And that was what was so beautiful about him.

“Aren’t you glad to have me?” You teased. “I bet you can’t talk to Mingi about this stuff. Does he know that you’re hiding something monstrous behind that pretty face?”

“His only job is to help me with the royal duties,” he said. “He doesn’t need to know, but… I’m sure he’s caught on. He doesn’t seem to care, though.”

“You should still be cautious.”

“Yeah, I should be, shouldn’t I?” The Prince leaned back on the chair he was sitting on, folding his arms as he cast a suspicious glance at you. “Maybe I should ask Mingi to get rid of you. You know too much.”

“Oh, you want to shut me up so bad,” you rolled your eyes. “But I’m the only one who’ll dirty my hands for you.”

“Why-”

“Talking about dirtying my hands,” you got up and bent down a bit to reach his height, running your fingers through the hair next to his temple and catching the remnants of the black dye on your palm. You showed him. “It’s so noticeable- you should have washed it out properly.”

The Prince didn’t answer, his eyes guarded as he looked up at you though his mouth was parted almost expectantly. You frowned for a moment at the lack of his reaction before you realised-

He liked it. 

You hesitated before curling your hand in his soft platinum hair again, caressing his scalp and then stifling a smirk when you tugged at his hair a bit harshly, making him crane his neck up to look at you, a soft chuckle escaping his mouth as he shut his eyes.

“You’re playing a very dangerous game here, love.”

“Stop me, then,” you challenged, not caring that you were going to risk everything. You positioned one leg on his thigh to lean your weight on him, your other hand going to grip the back of his neck. “I don’t see you complaining, Prince.”

Hongjoong hooked one finger in the pearl necklace that you were always wearing, bringing you closer and you almost lost your balance, a little gasp leaving your mouth when you pressed against his chest for support. Hands still on his neck and in his hair, you tried leaning away but this time, he stilled you with his hands on your waist. He buried his nose in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply.

“You smell like chemicals, darling,” he breathed, pecking the skin where his lips met your neck. “And roses.”

“You smell like cheap hair dye,” you said, resting your cheek against his head, his body shaking under you as he chuckled. “Don’t ever wear that again.”

“Your wish is my command, princess,” he said and you froze again. He leaned back to scan your face. “Why? You told me to not call you what I didn’t mean.”

“You don’t mean that, though,” you told him, something incredibly sad starting to brew inside you.

“But I’m only ever honest with you,” he pleaded. “Don’t you know that? If I wasn’t, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

You sighed at that, wishing you were anywhere else other than his fucking lap so your brain wouldn’t have so much problem functioning, but it looked like for now, you were a lost cause. You caught the wetness from the outer corner of his left eye, wiping it down and smearing the black dye on his face in the process. He let you mark him and, mimicking what you had done the night you had warned him not to call him ‘princess’, he grabbed your palm and kissed it.

That was your last straw. You told yourself that you didn’t care if the Prince was honest or deceiving you- you only cared about one thing- you needed him. You rested your cheek against his, trailing kisses down his temple to his jaw and rubbing the tip of your nose there, making him groan. He squeezed your hips encouragingly and that only prompted you to trail more kisses down his neck. You found one spot and alternated between kissing and sucking, drawing away after a few moments when he shifted under you, grinning at the forming bruise.

You marked the Prince like you owned him. And the thought of that alone was making you lightheaded.

You locked eyes with Hongjoong, seeing red- red for lust. Before you knew it, you both were leaning in, your lips meeting in a flurry as you snaked your hands back in his hair, gripping his head to keep him close as you kissed. He brought your body closer while he kissed you, switching from pecks to open-mouthed kisses when you fully rested on his lap, desire coursing through every cell in your body.

This was it. This was the man the Master had warned you to be wary of- the man who held you possessively yet carefully. The man who tugged at your bottom lip, prompting you to open your mouth so he could explore it with his tongue. The man who kissed you as if he had been starving for it- you didn’t know about him but you sure had. 

You couldn’t bring yourself closer, bodies flush against each other as you made out for what seemed like an eternity before he got up, making you wrap your legs around his waist and then he dumped you on the old, somewhat dusty bed. You didn’t care though. You brought him in too, keeping his core locked to yours with your legs, his hands fumbling to open the buttons of your gown- he might as well have torn them. He ripped the bodice of your gown apart, trailing his lips down your neck to your chest and resting his lips on the skin between your breasts.

“Tired already?” You teased, making him chuckle against your chest. He ran his hands up your waist, tracing the curves of your chest before his palms met the bare skin on your shoulders and then he ran his hands down your arms almost lovingly, your smile changing to a gasp when he gripped your wrists tightly and pinned your arms above your head, almost glaring at you.

“You talk too much, sweetheart.”

“Do I now?” you scoffed, letting him pin your wrists with one hand while the other drew your dress away from your chest to reveal your perked up nipples, the cold making you shiver a bit. He cupped one of your breasts in one hand while kissing and sucking around the other, making your back arch against his body. The way he kissed you was too much- it looked like he intended to devour you. You could feel how turned on he was when he started rocking his body against yours, his hard bulge pressing against your core and making you stifle moans until he purposely pressed harder, finally earning a loud one from you.

“That’s what you’ve been wanting all this time, haven’t you?” Hongjoong whispered in your ear, nibbling at your earlobe and making you squirm. “Only wanting to get in my good graces to get fucked by me.”

“Yeah, well, if I had known this was going to happen,” you said, out of breath. “I would have done something sooner.”

He chuckled at that, pressing a sweet kiss to your mouth and drawing back, looking you in the eyes before kissing you deeper. He let you take off his shirt, discarding it on the floor. He let you run your hands on his bare upper body repeatedly, let you help him take off your dress and his pants until you were both left in just your undergarments. He let you take control for just a while when you got on top of him, settling on his lap and admiring his physique. 

His hands rested on your hips, playing with the waistband of your panties, tempted to do something about that too, but for now, he watched you watch him with desire in your eyes. He was surprised to find you so needy yet each touch felt controlled, almost calculated. He didn’t care though- it was already pleasurable enough to drive him insane. He had never let anyone take control of the pace like you did, so he was looking forward to what you were going to do with him.

And he was glad that he let you- you wrapped your hand around his neck experimentally before you bent down to kiss him, loving the way his kisses now became restrained as you controlled his air intake. You swallowed his moans in your kisses, not noticing how tightly he was squeezing your hips until he spanked you once, making you laugh as you drew back.

“Do you have a death wish?” He asked, voice raspy.

“Maybe?” You pecked his cheek.

That was enough- he flipped your bodies to get on top of you, shaking his head before trailing kisses down your chest and then looking at you, watching your expressions when he brought his hand between your legs and brushed one finger against the wet patch on your panties.

“Soaked already, and we’ve just begun.”

“Just begun?” You asked, mouth suddenly dry though the thought of what was next sent a new wave of arousal through your body. Hongjoong snickered at your reaction, wasting no time to pull your panties down, licking his lips at the sight of your drenched core. You kicked him away lightly before taking off your panties and he ran his hands up your thighs-

Pausing when he felt marred skin on his palm and cold washed over you when you realised that he hadn’t noticed the small marks and scars that littered through your body earlier in the faint light- but now, his eyes stopped at each one that he detected.

“Are you going to explain this?”

“Rough childhood,” you muttered- not the entire truth, but close. “Most of these are from how reckless I was, though. Nothing to worry about.”

Hongjoong passed you a look that said that he didn’t buy it, but he didn’t probe. Instead, he kissed every mark and every scar that he found on your thighs before spreading your legs and circling your clit with his thumb, now sporting a devilish smile. You bit your lips- if the emotions from him treating you so tenderly were too much just now, this was a lot. It felt more intimate and personal than anything you had ever experienced. 

“Look at you, y/n,” he called your name- a rare occurrence. “Look at you.”

Before you could respond, he sank one finger inside you quite easily, groaning at how tightly your walls hugged him. You shut your eyes, back arching in pleasure when he curled it inside and slipped another finger- he really did intend to fuck you, and you were going to take it.

“Good girl,” he muttered, meeting your mouth in a wet kiss. You tried to clench your thighs, overwhelmed by the pleasure you got from his fingers curling and opening inside you but he locked your thighs to the bed with his knees, making out with you while his fingers fucked you. Your breathing got unsteady and he knew you were approaching your orgasm which was when he let your legs free, your hips moving of their own accord, rocking against his palm.

“God, you’re insane,” he growled in your ear, slipping his fingers out of you and you almost sobbed at the lack of them inside you, though when he watched his soaked fingers in amusement and licked them to get a taste, you felt shivers in your entire body. He hummed in approval.

“Do something,” you begged but he laughed mockingly. When you shot him a glare, he nodded slowly.

“Whatever you say…” he brought his mouth so close to your core that his lips brushed your aching clit. “Princess.”

Before you could react, he grabbed your thighs to keep them apart, licking a stripe up your wet folds and circling his tongue around your clit. You saw stars, your orgasm fastly approaching once again and all he had to do was dive his tongue inside you and press his thumb on your clit before your orgasm came like a crash, making you want to curl in on yourself but you couldn’t even do that because he restrained you, so you only writhed in his hold in pleasure while he made out with your sopping wet cunt.

“Too much,” you tried to stop him. “Let me breathe, Prince.”

“Oh, I’m not done with you,” he told you almost casually. “You have yet to have me inside you.”

“Oh, god,” you breathed. “Please.”

He snickered at that. “Such a slut for me, aren’t you?”

“Only for you,” you looked at him. “Only for you… my King.”

“Oh, no, no,” he shook his head repeatedly. “You did not just say that.”

“King,” you got up to snake your arms around his neck. “My King. You like being called that?”

He did- it was obvious because he crashed his lips against yours, passionately kissing you and drawing back only to take off his undergarment, not even giving you a moment to appreciate the sight before pushing you down and sinking his throbbing cock inside you, though he was gracious enough to be slow with it so you could adjust. Once he was fully inside you, he remained there unmoving, pulling you up by your shoulders to resume your original position when you kissed him. 

You sat on top of him, whispering the title he craved so badly again and again as you exchanged deep, passionate kisses. He called you princess, called you his queen and you returned the favour. His cock twitched inside you and when he couldn’t take it anymore, he pushed you back on the bed and started thrusting into you, your breaths mingling as your bodies rocked against each other. You told him that you were on contraceptives and he was free to mark your walls if he wanted to, and he bit your shoulder in answer, squeezing your nipples as his motions became unsteady and he jerked wildly against you, his warm cum spreading inside you. 

You kept him close, keeping him going and he thrust through his orgasm until you came as well, burying your face in his chest as both your moans mingled and filled the air in the room. When he finally stilled, he collapsed next to you.

“You plan to kill me, don’t you?” 

For a moment, your heart sank and you wondered if a confession had slipped through your mouth in the heat of the moment, or if he had really managed to peek inside your mind. But when he chuckled, you realised he meant it differently.

“Says you,” you smacked his arm and he brought you closer, kissing your forehead, the both of you unable to meet eyes for a moment as you attempted to conceal the truth and the guilt that accompanied it.

—--------------------------------

The Duke of Neverland- Prince Woobin- arrived two days earlier than schedule, setting off a mild frenzy in the castle as preparations to welcome him fell short, guards’ and soldiers’ rotations shifted, more medical staff got stationed in the infirmary and the kitchen-

Well, the kitchen probably got the worst of it. Though dinner went by smoothly, the staff was overworked and while you were passing by, you overheard a funny conversation about how Prince Woobin’s handsomeness and gentle nature made their efforts worth it.

You supposed you could relate to the sentiment- the Prince wasn’t very old but sure was ageing like fine wine. He was the tallest of them and had strong features just like Hongjoong, though Hongjoong was on the prettier side. The Duke was just as clever as he could be, and he was clearly ambitious especially when it came to the throne and its duties.

And… he intended to let the King know.

“Wonderland is unstable right now, brother,” Prince Woobin insisted. “What the other kingdoms need to see is that our royalty won’t collapse and we’ll stay united and put a strong front.”

There. He was definitely on to something.

“You’re right,” the King nodded, sighing deeply. “I will hold the coronation soon- I’d like it if I can see it happen while I’m alive. I know I’m no longer fit to run this kingdom.” 

He wasn’t, and you had made sure of that. You were just waiting for the right timing. You felt sorry that the King wouldn’t see his last wish come true but you were sure he would watch from above. That was something you were going to believe for his sake.

“I don’t mean that you’re not fit,” Prince Woobin squeezed the King’s arm gently. “But your health is not the best, and it’s better to announce the next in line in your life. I know Hongjoong is your son and very capable of running the kingdom, but I still stand by the fact that he’s…”

The King sent his brother an amused look. “You thought the same about me when I was about to ascend the throne. I didn’t do a bad job, and I’m sure Hongjoong won’t either. He will feel very wronged if I pass the throne to you, and you know that. The crown is rightfully his.”

“Think about the people,” the Prince whispered and then cast a wary glance at you but you pretended you really could hear nothing except the scratching of the pen as you noted tonight’s readings. It was too bad that you were done and couldn’t continue to listen to their conversation anymore. With a bow to the two and a reminder to the King to take his morning walk, you left the room. You didn’t notice the Crown Prince around though you shared a wave with his aide. 

To your surprise- or you supposed you should have gotten used to the sight now- the Prince was lying on his stomach on your bed, reading the same comic book that he had been reading in the public library that day with Mingi. You, for some reason you were still wondering about, had one of your acquaintances in the castle purchase those books and anything related to it when they went to town. You kept these books in your room- it wouldn’t be appropriate if the Crown Prince was caught slacking because he stayed up all night laughing over some silly dialogue in those books.

“While you’re here reading about some fourteen year olds fighting over a girl, your uncle is trying to coax the King into passing the throne to him.”

“Nothing new,” Hongjoong muttered, not looking away from the book. “I’ll be having a meeting with him before the ball. What we’ll do next depends on his answer.”

You settled your bag on the chair and went to the vanity to take off your necklace and rings. “Are you going to ask him?”

“No point beating around the bush, but it will be in the presence of my father and others,” Hongjoong looked up momentarily, meeting your eyes through the reflection in the mirror. “If he admits he wants to get crowned, I’ll have to prove that he’s not fit for it.”

“How?” You turned to look at him.

“How do you think?” He asked, “I’m curious to learn how you would handle this.”

“You’re thinking of bringing up the Neverland Accords, aren’t you?” You asked and he nodded, not surprised that you figured it out. “That’s the one thing the Duke regrets doing. The one blemish on his career.”

“It destabilised the western region. By giving in to the demands of the refugees, he gave birth to a group of people with such hatred towards the monarchy that they became rebels. They left their families for the cause. I believe notorious rebel groups like the black pirates or bluebirds who were cooperating with my ancestors became restless because of this agreement.”

So he knew about the bluebirds- everyone who worked in the castle knew for security reasons, but he knew the history and the reasons. A few of them. And he believed that the Neverland Accords, which were about fifteen years old, might be why your rebel group was restless now. You wished you could tell him that it was much older and sinister than that. You wished you could tell him that the Master wasn’t just one person but a network of leaders over time.

And when you caught yourself thinking about this, you almost dropped the comb in your hand. Thankfully, the Prince was too busy reading his book while you tried to form an answer.

“Well… I suppose that might be true,” you managed to say. “I have something we can add to that.”

“And what might that be?”

You let your hair flow freely now, ruffling it a little before you walked towards the bed, the Prince’s hand inviting and prompting you to sit near him. You leaned in and told him your part of the plan in hushed whispers and he looked at you a few times to make sure this wasn’t a joke.

“I told you,” you held his chin in your hand, gaze stuck on his parted lips. “I told you I would kill for you. I came up with something even better instead. No one will suspect the royal physician, Prince.”

“Because you serve the King?”

“Because I serve humanity,” you said, the chuckle that suddenly left your mouth turning into a low laugh and Hongjoong frowned at that- while your plan was nothing short of a genius plan, a quiet voice in his head beckoned him to question how a royal physician- a doctor- was able to scheme like this. 

But for now, your hand casually resting against his thigh as you laughed was distracting. Your red, plump lips were distracting. The books you got him and the key to your room that you gave him were distracting him. The way you accepted who he was- the dark parts and even the sillier ones- that was distracting. 

Hongjoong started sharing that laugh, shaking his head at you. “Now I’m really hoping the Prince begs for the throne.”

“I won’t let anyone look at what’s yours,” you promised him, gladly letting him sit you on his lap, his book long forgotten by his side. “You can count on me.”

“Why are you doing this, y/n?” He wondered, his hands going under your dress to rest on your bare thighs. “What do you get out of this?”

“I told you-”

“Why are you really doing this?” He asked, an almost dangerous glint in his eyes. “Do you want me to crown you too?”

“No,” you sighed. “I couldn’t be less interested in the crown. I’m interested in what you’ll do for my career,” you lied, deciding to add a sprinkle of something honest in there when you said, “And if I can be with you like this without the crown or the heavy title, I’m content. But you must know that I’ve only had this change of heart recently.” 

“You could ask me to crown you and I might do just that,” Hongjoong offered, looking up at you with adoration but you could see that he was calculating behind that facade. 

“Ah, now you’re tempting me,” you smiled slyly. “Does the crown guarantee that you’ll look at me like this every night? That you’ll always fuck me like you actually mean it?”

“I do, though,” he admitted and your smile fell. 

You were aware that Hongjoong only cooperated with you because he obeyed what you told him- to use you as a tool. However… had he caught feelings along the way? Or was this just another of his grand schemes- to have you lower your guard? You were still half sure that he was going to get rid of you once he was crowned, but now he was offering you something that you thought about only in your wildest dreams.

If you grabbed on to this opportunity… if you could be the queen of Wonderland, you would have more power than the Master. You could make better decisions for the bluebirds. You wouldn’t even have to end the monarchy- you could have the Prince agree to your terms. You knew that the Prince wasn’t an unreasonable man and he would understand if you participated in politics actively if you became the queen and he, the king. He would listen to you and probably even give you better advice- he cared for the kingdom to prosper, as did the bluebirds, so…

Did you really have to kill him? You could just rule with him and use him to achieve the bluebirds’ agendas. You could accomplish so, so much-

“Cat got your tongue?” He teased and you shook your head, pushing down the train of thought for now.

“You’re offering a royal physician the burden of the crown. Of course I’m speechless,” you said. “But… heavy is the head that wears the crown.”

“The rubies would suit you, though,” he grinned and you laughed at that. 

“We’ll talk about this when you’re actually the King,” you told him. “For now, I’m content being where I am. I desire power, not the crown. The crown doesn’t necessarily guarantee power.”

“I think you’d make a nice queen, though,” Hongjoong rested his back against the bedpost, getting your hair away from your shoulders to plant sweet kisses along your collarbone. “Though I’d always be worried if you would poison me or use some drug to make me bend to your will.”

“You’re venomous enough as you are,” you scoffed. “All that bitterness inside you will kill you one day. Besides, I don’t need to use a drug to make you get on your knees. You’ve been doing that pretty often anyway.”

Hongjoong gave you a challenging look and you knew what was going to come next. Especially when his hand came to rest around your throat and he used that to get you off his lap and on the floor.

On your knees.

“Let’s change that now, shall we?”

You only smirked in answer, obeying, and while it was pleasurable enough to be on your knees for the future king, the thing he offered you only heightened your drive and made you sure-

That now, even if it was for one day, you wanted the Prince to rule.

And you wanted to be by his side this time.

—-----------------------------

There sure was something in the air tonight. 

Tonight, the Royal Ball took place in the honour of the Duke’s arrival to the castle in the form of a masquerade party. There were many honourable guests from Wonderland and a few from the neighbouring nations as well. The theme was ruby, which you thought was very ironic. You could see red everywhere- in the costumes, in the flowers that decorated the Hall, and in the wine that filled everyone’s glasses. 

The sound of violins and pianos was adorning the air with notes of excitement and vibrancy. The beat of the footsteps of the dancers in the middle of the hall melded along with the music, prompting the audience to synchronise with their claps or their heartbeats. Laughter and chatter flowed freely in the air along with the bubbles from the drinks the waiters and waitresses poured endlessly. The smell of something floral and musky overwhelmed your senses. It was a clash of perfumes, but if you stationed yourself near one of the windows or the tables with refreshment, the earthy smell of the air and the ever-familiar smell of food would wash over a wave of calm over you.

And you kind of needed that right now, because there sure was all of that in the air tonight, but there was also a wave of palpable calculation. Every look and every touch meant something tonight. Every word was said with caution. Every step someone took towards someone else meant something. And sure, this was just how royal events were, but tonight was special.

Tonight, there was an invisible web of deception and lies hovering above the Hall, waiting to trap its prey at the right moment. Though your prey was one- or two, if you were lucky- there could be more who would get caught by the spider. All you had to do was wait.

You watched the spider- the Crown Prince- looking absolutely ravishing in a deep red embellished coat over a black shirt and pants that matched the embroidery on the jacket. Most of his face was concealed by the extravagant black mask that he wore, the red feathers of it creating quite a contrast with his platinum hair that was styled away from his face. He might be unrecognisable at first glance but you could spot him anywhere. He always stood out to you.

Your eyes scanned the crowd again to find the tall Duke who had been attempting to mingle with anyone of importance throughout the whole night. That man was full of energy and the dark part in your heart wished to bathe him in eternal darkness as soon as possible. However, patience was the key. 

You had to keep reminding yourself that- that you had to be patient and that you couldn’t stray from your path no matter how tempting the road might seem. But you couldn’t deny the fact that being physical with Hongjoong and all his offers were making you incredibly selfish and greedy and clouding your judgement. You were confused, and you wished you could meet the Master or even one of the bluebirds to have yourself reminded of why you were doing this, but with each passing day, the final destination started appearing murkier.

For now, though, you just wanted this night to go smoothly. You got busy when some of the royal physicians from the Duke’s court found you, and your chat with them was quite interesting. However, you kept stealing glances at the Prince. He was now on the floor dancing with someone in an overly fluffy bright red dress and it left the sour taste of jealousy in your mouth. You decided to take a chance and joined hands with the first available partner on the dance floor who introduced himself as one of the Duke’s men. 

You rotated around the dance floor and switched partners twice before you found yourself in Hongjoong’s arms. The smirk he had on his lips made your knees feel weak.

“Couldn’t stay away from me, could you?” He asked, twirling you around once. “I could feel your eyes on me all night long, darling.”

“Can’t resist you,” you teased, bringing your hand closer to his neck than was necessary considering you were dancing. “You’ve been enjoying mingling too much without me.”

“Well, it’s a risky move but since everyone’s so busy dancing, you can get away with it,” Hongjoong told you, glancing at the upper section of the Hall where the King sat with a few of his friends. “However… I can’t wait to take this pretty dress off. You have no idea how irresistible you look tonight, love.”

You smiled at that- you had made a little more effort dressing up tonight than usual. The black silk dress might be plain but it hugged your curves in just the right way. There was a slit in the leg and you were wearing maroon heels, one of them with a matching ribbon that was tied up and around your leg in an intricate pattern, the bow situated right below the slit of the dress. You wore a red mask that covered half your face and extended towards your other eye as well. 

“You look quite charming too,” you said. “Red really is your colour.”

“Red looks like your colour,” the Prince said, pointing his eyes in the direction of the red ruby earrings you were wearing- a gift from the Prince himself for tonight. “I told you- the rubies suit you.”

Before you could respond to that, he squeezed your waist before rotating to switch partners once again, and you were left with those words playing in your head for the rest of the night- but you didn’t have to wait long. As soon as the dances ended and everyone started drinking or leaving for the night, you caught the Prince nodding at you before exiting the Hall and you started following him through the very empty corridors, making sure no one would catch you together.

You saw him go inside one of the abandoned rooms you had used in your early days to meet up and when you went inside and shut the door, Hongjoong was on you in a moment, cupping your masked face and kissing the exposed part of your lips which had to be a struggle because when he drew back, he had your red lipstick smeared across his own lips.

And the sight of that made you physically weak but Hongjoong was quick to hold you with a laugh.

“Already on your knees for me?” He commented and you smacked his chest, taking off your mask and his so you could finally kiss him properly. You broke apart for air and rested your head on his shoulder.

“It’s been a while.”

It had been about five days. The first three days got you anxious enough to want to contact his aide to see if the Prince really was busy or just avoiding you, but then he had the rubies delivered to your room. You wore them that night and looked at your reflection for the longest time, wondering how you would look in a matching crown.

“Yeah, it has been,” Hongjoong said, sweetly kissing your temple and then lifting your face by your chin to kiss you again, his tongue sliding in at the first opportunity. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pushed you against the door, his hand going to grab your thigh and bringing it up so he could press himself to you, lazily playing with the ribbon wound around it.

You broke apart for air, brushing your noses teasingly. “Missed me?”

“Oh, yes,” he said, “I have quite a few updates.”

“And so have I,” you grinned. “You first?”

“Well,” Hongjoong began, his hand on your thigh travelling to the inner side, drawing your panties away to slide his fingers along your wet folds. “The meeting was a success for me. Prince Woobin admitted he would like my crown, and my court was not happy with it. I brought up the Neverland Accords and that made him lose his temper. Good thing the King witnessed that.”

“Ah, that’s good,” you said, which came out more as a moan when he slipped a digit inside you, rubbing your clit in slow strokes with his thumb. “Is that why he’s been trying so hard to get in everyone’s good graces tonight?”

Hongjoong took a moment to respond, too busy trailing kisses down your neck and along your shoulders, drawing the straps of the half-sleeve dress away. “Surely. He has no idea what’s coming for him.”

“About that,” you rocked your hips against his hand when he inserted another finger inside, resting your head back against the door. “The King mentioned something about his father’s illness being similar to his own. I took the opportunity to tell him about ruby.”

“What do you mean?” Hongjoong paused and you gave him a warning look, prompting him to continue thrusting his fingers inside you.

“I mean,” you breathed, curling into his body when you could feel the familiar buildup of an orgasm. “I tricked him. I told him that I was instructed to use an opium compound by the Duke’s royal physicians- which is true, by the way, I discussed the medical side of it with him in the earlier days- ah.”

Hongjoong smirked when you squeezed your eyes shut as he slowed his pace. He was playing with you and it always drove you mad and he loved seeing you in that state.

“So I told him that I was suspicious about ruby and requested the Prince- you- to let me access the private library so I could check if this was the right drug to use. And then I- Hongjoong!”

You moaned loudly when he pressed your clit, the orgasm crashing over you suddenly and with a force that had you gripping at him for dear life. Hongjoong helped you recover from it, rubbing your clit in slow circles and caressing your cheek as you shuddered before he picked you up in his arms and brought you to the couch, looking up at you.

“Say that again.”

“What?”

“Say my name,” he commanded and you brought your face next to his to whisper his name in his ear. He groaned at that, making quick work of unfastening his belt and you barely had time- and the strength- to take off your panties before he had you sit on his hard cock, easily sliding in.

“Now talk.”

You gave him a look, your walls clenching around him at the way he ordered you and he scoffed. “Uh… where was I?”

“Library.”

“Right,” you tried moving but he gripped your hips, making you sit still and you gave up. “So I told him that I found something suspicious in the library which is making me suspect that Prince Woobin had a hand in the late King’s death. Because it was Prince Woobin’s royal physician who was aware of this opium compound, who also happens to be the mentee of the Late King’s dead doctor.”

“Ah…” Hongjoong nodded. “So my father knows that I’m aware of this?”

“I told him that I’ve addressed my suspicions to you and you’re investigating the matter.”

“So when I finally tell him that I’m suspecting the Duke-”

“He will believe you because he’s already heard from me, and I’m his doctor,” you grinned. “I can’t be lying to him about this- and I’ve been lowering his dose slowly anyway so he thinks that I’m trying to get him off this medication without adverse effects.”

“And why are you lowering it? I thought you were going to kill him with ruby?”

“I found a better alternative,” you smirked. “One that would make it look more natural than ruby. And do you know what I call it?”

“What?”

“Silver Light,” you kissed the top of his head. “Like the colour of your hair.”

Hongjoong laughed at that, shaking his head and gladly meeting your lips in a kiss that quickly got heated and prompted him to thrust his cock inside you deeply and you quickly returned the sentiment, bouncing on top of him and matching his energy.

“You’re insane,” he told you, sucking at your bottom lip. “With this, the Duke will finally be out of my way.”

“What about the Duke of Mist- Prince Woojin?” You asked, tugging at his hair which always turned him on.

“An accomplice, maybe,” Hongjoong breathed and you knew he was close. “He’ll be exiled but only after he watches his brother get executed.”

“How fun,” you licked a spot on his neck before kissing there. “Calls for a feast.”

“Oh, I’ll have one right here,” Hongjoong looked down at your joined cores, rolling his hips along yours. “Say my name, princess.”

You were so close. You joined your foreheads as he took control of the pace and you called his name in soft whispers again and again until he was spilling inside you, until his warmth covered you and made you become undone in his arms once again.

And when the two of you laughed maniacally, you decided it.

You were not going to give him up. Not like this- not like the Master wanted you to.

You would take your sweet time. You would have him satisfy your desire like this for as long as he was under your control. You would have him fill you up, have him mark your skin just like he was doing now, have him call you princess, or queen, or whatever the fuck he wanted to. You would wear the ruby crown he loved so much. You would sit on his lap while he sat on the throne.

You only hoped the tugging at your heart was for the desire for all of that instead of the desire to be looked at with love.

—--------------------------------

The past week had been nothing short of eventful and chaotic, to put it simply.

With the King suspecting his brother which bled in his interactions, making the Duke wonder if the King had made up his mind to crown his son, he started trying to reason with the King. His method was the same as Hongjoong’s- to dig up dirt on the Prince and tell the King of his shortcomings. However, the Duke was not aware that he was being suspected of treason, and there was no bigger sin than treason for the King. How could a son kill his own father? 

The King found himself thinking about the reason a lot. He mentioned it when you slipped verita into his drug. He asked you if it was common for a child to kill his parents.

“Unheard of,” you told him. “Depends on the circumstances, I guess. When you have power, you’ll be targeted by anyone and everyone- it wouldn’t matter if they’re blood relations.”

“Sometimes I wish I was a farmer,” the King laughed in disappointment. “I could have lived a good life.”

“They have their own set of troubles,” you told him. “They worry about how to feed their wife and kids. They worry about having too many mouths to feed but then find themselves with even more. And then they do worse things than kill their children and live with the guilt.”

“What’s worse than death?”

“I guess you’ll know soon,” you shrugged and he passed you a side-eye. “If your brother really had a hand in your father’s death… whatever you do next would make you think back to this moment.”

The grief the King felt was clear, and it became even worse when Hongjoong, as per his father’s request, finally concluded the investigation and found the Duke of Neverland, Prince Woobin, guilty of the late King’s murder with the Duke of Mist, Prince Woojin, a suspected accomplice. 

Tonight, Prince Woobin was going to get hanged in the square within the castle walls. The kingdom was in an uproar with his supporters crowding the streets and making home outside the castle walls. Many believed he was being wronged because apart from the Neverland Accords, his career had been pretty remarkable. If you were objective, he was probably fit to run this kingdom too. Prince Hongjoong might be a skilled leader but he still lacked a few important qualities that the people wanted in their future king, such as empathy. You weren’t one to say though, when you had orchestrated this whole plan.

The Duke of Mist Island, Prince Woojin, was choosing to remain silent. It was probably because if he spoke in the favour of Prince Woobin, the suspicions of him being an accomplice would sound true. While the kingdom was outraged, the current king and prince weren’t void of supporters. By choosing to remain silent, he would only get exiled until proven guilty or innocent. He had to think of himself.

One thing was clear to everyone, though. The monarchy was falling apart and it was causing a palpable sense of restlessness. The King’s health was declining at a rapid rate now and his heart was weaker- it was grief that was doing your job for you. Prince Hongjoong was trying his best to keep things calm and so far, he had it under control. It looked like he would soon earn the favour of the majority with his uncles out of the picture. The people had no other choice.

You were stationed at the King’s side, next to his retired aide- an old man who came to be with the King at this difficult moment. You needed to be here in case the King suddenly felt unwell- after all, he was going to witness his little brother get executed.

Hongjoong was seated on the other side and every time that he glanced at the King to make sure if he was alright, he would meet your eyes. You exchanged no signals, though. Tonight, you had hundreds of eyes trained on you. If anyone caught you sharing eye contact, they would simply think the Prince was worried about his father and was making sure that the doctor was alert. If he was doing this consciously, you had to commend his acting.

Prince Woobin’s face was covered with a black cloth as he entered the square, being walked by the guards who held his chained arms. You looked across the square to find his royal physician whose licence was revoked for medical negligence on the basis that he was aware of ruby’s effects- and possibly, how it was used for the murder of the late King. The fact that he had done nothing about it and encouraged you to use it instead made his position worse. You talked to the King and told him that revoking his licence was enough since nobody could have guessed that ruby was dangerous without referring to the royal archives in the private library. 

The guards made Prince Woobin kneel in front of the King, though a level and quite a distance separated the brothers. His mask was taken off, revealing the Duke in a ghastly state. His eyes were sunken though they harboured pure hatred for the people who were wrongly blaming him. The fire burning from the torch illuminated one side of his face, casting deep shadows on the other.

“Your Majesty!” Prince Woobin’s voice boomed through the area, earning startled gasps from the crowd. “Brother dear! I urge you to reconsider and reinvestigate.”

The King sighed deeply. “All the evidence points to you. You plotted to kill me the same way you killed my father.”

“He was my father too, and I would never do that. I may have been after the crown since long ago, but it was never my intention to get my hands bloody along the way. I’m not like this, and you know that.”

“Do I?” The King asked himself, ignoring his brother’s plea of innocence. 

Hongjoong got up this time and his uncle looked at him with such distaste in his eyes that you almost got worried. “Your services to the Kingdom of Wonderland are appreciated. However, you are guilty of treason and murder of the late King, an unforgivable act. We must set an example, however much it pains us.”

Prince Woobin only scoffed in response and spat on the ground, causing the crowd to shift uncomfortably. Prince Hongjoong, however, remained unfazed. 

“Any last words?”

“Yes,” the Duke stood up, standing tall in front of everyone. “You will regret this. Tonight marks the beginning of the end.”

The King rested his head in his hands, overcome with emotions and you asked him if he was feeling alright, even though it was obvious that he was not. You looked at Hongjoong and he stood in front of his father, blocking his view.

“I- I can’t watch this,” the King wiped his eyes.

“It has to happen in your presence- you know the rules,” Prince Hongjoong rubbed his father’s back. “I’ll cover you.”

Prince Hongjoong signalled the executioners to begin and the crowd fell eerily silent as the Duke was led to the gallows. The air felt grim and the Duke’s footsteps were heavy. Though he looked pale when his gaze settled on the blade that was to decapitate his head, he settled on the lunette with a sense of resignation and finality. 

The executioner’s words went over your head. All you could see and hear was red. Red for lies, red for deception and red for death. The blade’s drop was swift and silent but whatever sound it made was masked by the fear and warning delivered as a message through this execution.

The King left immediately after and you followed after him, sharing one last look with Hongjoong whose head was held higher than ever. Perhaps, the burden of the crown was starting to feel lighter on his head. You wished you could kiss his head at that moment and tell him that it was going to get easier from here.

However, it looked like you did not need to. That night, when you went to find the Prince in one of the abandoned rooms, you found them empty. Wondering if he was in your room- or his own room- you started going back towards the residential area but the faint sound of music caught your attention. If it had been any other day, you would have ignored it but something prompted you to investigate.

In one of the storage rooms that held old musical instruments, the room that was once an active class, was the Crown Prince shaking his arms in the air like a maestro, playing an invisible instrument to the music blasting off the gramophone. You remained frozen in the doorway, watching him dance like a maniac to whatever was going on in his head. His movements quickened as the music reached the crescendo and they both crashed down in harmony with the Prince twirling and laughing loudly to himself.

Was he that happy? Was he this pleased now that he was sure that he would be ascending the throne? Strangely enough, the words of your Master started feeling substantial. He wasn’t wrong when he told you why the Crown Prince wasn’t fit for the crown, and you were only realising it now in its full weightage.

The Crown Prince was a madman, blinded by the desire for power and nothing else. He would do anything to have his way. He was celebrating being one step closer to the throne even though the path was marred by blood now. Did he really think you were his equal? Of course not, he was a royal. But did he think you were someone significant in his life now that things were shifting between you two, or had he taken your words too seriously? Were you still just a tool to him? And would he use you even if it meant he had to crown you?

You decided to leave him be for the night, going back to your room to send a message to the Master and make preparations for the final hurdle-

The King.

—--------------------------

If you were honest, you had imagined the Prince choking you far too many times. 

You imagined it would be a result of a spontaneous sequence of events- perhaps, while he kissed you and his hand went around your neck instead of cupping the side like he usually did, he would realise you might have a thing for getting choked. Maybe he would even hear you moan in response and look in your eyes to confirm if you liked it.

Or perhaps, it could be a consequence of a heated moment, such as him on top of you and thrusting relentlessly into you, recognising that you were inches away from an orgasm, and right when your body would arch and jerk as it crashed over you, he would squeeze the sides of your neck to heighten it further. You thought he would make you see stars or something even better.

However, being pinned to the wall by both his hands around your neck, his thumbs pressing your larynx threateningly and making you physically choke in pain was not it. His eyes bore into yours, dripping with venom and you tried smacking his hands away but it didn’t work.

“Did you do it?”

You stopped struggling for a moment, confused, before your features softened. Hongjoong watched with a frown but when he heard your raspy chuckle, he gave you a warning look but your laugh only got louder, making you cough because of his hold on your neck.

“You’re welcome… Your Majesty.”

It had been only a few days since the Duke’s execution. The King was having a hard time coming to terms with his brother’s blood on his hands. He may have bought your lies when you insisted that the Duke had a hand in the late King’s death, but he must have been suspecting tampering of evidence or something worse since he actually got out of his room and went to the private library to conduct his own investigation.

You had luckily lowered the ruby dosage to the minimum and the King was aware that you couldn’t have replaced it with something right away- it might have caused some side-effects. While the King did not suspect you, only commending you for caring about his health, his son received the scepticism in your stead. The King was beginning to feel more wary of Hongjoong and it was becoming obvious to everyone around them. It didn’t help that Hongjoong was doing absolutely nothing to help his case. 

You had successfully completed the first part of your mission, but there was no word from the Master. Had bluebirds abandoned you? All you needed was a signal to proceed with the rest of the plan. Could it be that they somehow peeked inside your heart and discovered the true motives behind why you were cooperating with them? 

You were anxious, and that was not good. It didn’t help that the Prince was incredibly busy now that Prince Woobin’s post as the Duke of Neverland was empty. The Duke of Mist had just negotiated for his life and the King had stopped Hongjoong from taking any further steps related to that matter for the time being. It was getting messier and you were realising that the Prince’s besetting sin might be his emotions and unquenchable thirst for more. While he was fully capable of making rational decisions and was doing his best to appear innocent, he could not hide how much fun he was having handling the matters that were once handled by the late Duke.

And the King may be old and ill, but he was not blind. He suspected Hongjoong, and while he was not stupid, he was too trusting of those around him and that led him to ask you what you thought about the situation. You were thrown off by the question.

“I feel like I’ve made a mistake. It’s weighing on my heart and it will take my life sooner than expected.”

“But why do you feel so?” You asked. “I know that the registers were not substantial evidence but the circumstances…”

“I know,” he nodded. “It seems odd that the royal physician was aware of ruby’s role in my father’s death yet remained shut. I wonder why. Could he have a hand in wrongly accusing Woobin?”

It was then that you realised- Prince Woobin’s physician might have been a member of the bluebirds too. That made more sense than the doctor knowing ruby’s effects and letting them slide when you consulted him for the King- no doctor’s moral code would allow that. 

“But if you think Prince Woobin was innocent and the doctor acted on his own, that would mean he’s serving someone else.”

“Yeah, well,” the King shrugged. “Wouldn’t put past my son to have a hand in it. He’s been far too giddy ever since he got that thorn out of his side.”

You stifled a smile at that. “Isn’t he simply carrying out his duties?”

“Yes, that’s true. But he doesn’t have to look happy about it, does he? Even if I’m wrong and he’s simply doing his job…” the King faltered, coughing violently and you passed him a handkerchief. He wiped his mouth, smearing the piece of cloth with blood. “I can only imagine how happy he will be when I finally die.”

“He’s still your son,” you chided gently. “You’re his father. You can confront him about this if it’s bothering you so much, Your Majesty. This is clearly taking a toll on your health- I should look for other drugs-”

“No,” the King shook his head. “No more drugs. That’s enough. My time is near and I should not run away.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” you pleaded. “But you don’t have to be in pain as you walk towards your inevitable death. Painkillers?”

The King chuckled at that. “You’re a brilliant doctor, y/n. I hope Hongjoong takes good care of you after I’m gone.”

Somehow, that sentence stuck with you for all the reasons and more. The King was the one person who had treated you like an actual human despite his position of power and authority. You had always found yourself comparing him to the Master- another person with power and authority yet no regard for his subjects. While the King had always patted your shoulder with affection, the Master had only ever touched you with a stick- the marks of which you still bore on your skin. While the King always encouraged you to make leaps in the medicinal field and use him as your ‘test subject’ which was an inside joke amongst all the doctors in the castle now, the Master had only ever criticised you.

Would it be so bad if you let the King live? Or were you doing him a favour by killing him? He would die a painless death and wouldn’t witness the doom of his empire. One death had already cost him a great deal- he surely couldn’t take more. Hongjoong wanted him to live a little longer and hand him the crown with his own hands before he passed on, but no matter how much you tried to convince Hongjoong that the King couldn’t live long, his pride wouldn’t let him admit that the King would never willingly crown him. It was why he urged you to look after him as best as you could and why he was so enthusiastic with his work lately. He had something to prove now.

And it was why, ultimately, you decided to let the King rest. He did not need to dig any deeper and find out that his own son and his royal physician had orchestrated this plan. He did not need to be in agony anymore. You slipped the silver light in his medicine and he took it unsuspectingly. You squeezed his wrist in silent gratitude for all he had done for you- from his heart. And then you went to your room and waited to hear the news.

It was too bad that the Prince himself had to be the one who delivered the news to you- 

“Did you do it?”

“You’re welcome… Your Majesty,” you said, finally getting him to let go of your neck. You glared at him as you rubbed your neck in an attempt to soothe the burning sensation. “Didn’t think you’d be so ecstatic to hear that.”

Hongjoong stared at you, for the first time feeling something resembling fear in his heart- the future looked uncertain and for once, the look in your eyes made him shiver. Hongjoong was realising how perhaps he, too, was at your mercy. You wanted him to take over the throne so you sped up the process for him, getting rid of his uncles and now his father. All for what? For the throne that was his anyway? And you didn’t even want to be queen until he suggested it- just why-

“The King died of ‘grief’, but really, it’s the silver light’s doing,” you told him, taking a few steps to close the distance between you two, placing a hand on his shoulder, your eyes scanning his face. “It’s too bad he couldn’t crown you with his own hands, but that’s okay. All that matters is that he’s gone and he didn’t discover the truth about your role in Prince Woobin’s death. We did it, Hongjoong. You did it.”

He did it. He trusted the wrong person and messed everything up. Sure, the fact that he was now the King made him ecstatic, but there was still something that bothered him-

And that was you.

You were unpredictable and dangerous. And he couldn’t have someone like that by his side in the long run. He could not continue dallying with you anymore.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” you urged him, planting soft kisses around his mouth and on the tip of his nose. “You don’t think I did something wrong, do you?”

“Of course not,” Hongjoong kissed your lips. “I just wanted to make sure if it really was you. Did I scare you?”

You shook your head despite the air being heavy with lies. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Hongjoong scoffed at that, looking down as he chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief and pretending that your words did not feel like a stab in his back. “I’m just a little bummed that you didn’t tell me.”

“It was a… spur-of-the-moment decision,” you ran your hands across the silky material of his cream shirt. “But all’s well that ends well, isn’t that so?”

Hongjoong nodded. “They’ve taken him away- the funeral will be the day after tomorrow so Prince Woojin can attend.”

“Ah, he’s still here, huh?” You clicked your tongue. “Anything I can help with?”

“Oh, I’ve got that handled,” he assured you, caressing your cheek. “Now… can we stop talking and stop acting? Didn’t you say something about how you couldn’t wait until I got the title so you could say you fucked the King?”

You laughed at that, the two of you leaning in for a kiss that soon turned heated, resulting in discarded clothes on the floor. Hongjoong was rough with you tonight, feeling lightheaded with the weight of the new title on his head. It didn’t help that you kept teasing him, calling him the King or Your Majesty Hongjoong. Despite the gravity of the situation, it turned him on so damn much and he realised that he really was mad. But he couldn’t stop. 

He couldn’t stop until he fucked you hard, taking you from behind and making you become undone on his cock over and over again. He snaked his hand back on your neck as you reached your high, this time to crane your face towards him so he could see you. You locked eyes with him, his silver hair matted on his forehead and a sheen of sweat making his skin glisten. This time, he choked you the proper way right when you came.

You actually saw stars this time. You didn’t mind that he treated you like a ragdoll tonight, probably pouring all his frustrations, grief and anxiety into you. You didn’t mind that he used you like a tool, spanking you whenever you so much as looked at him the wrong way and making you rock on his hips or fingers even though you were an oversensitive bundle of nerves. 

For tonight, you were his and he was yours. You had him wrapped around your fingers and even though he was the one who wielded power and dominance over you, it was ultimately you who moved his strings and controlled his actions. You could only wish that he would remain ignorant for as long as possible. After all, it would be too much of a shame if you couldn’t be like this for just a while.

Hongjoong stopped thrusting his cum inside you, resting his forehead against your bare shoulder and catching his breath, sliding out moments later and watching the leaking cum out of you with an amused look. You smacked his arm and he scooted away so you could bundle the sheets around yourself as you lay next to him, tangling your limbs.

“This is it,” you whispered, kissing his chest. “This is where you’re meant to be.”

Hongjoong kissed the top of your head in answer and you thought his touch felt distant and cold but your mind was too hazy to make sense of it.

For now, you were in the King’s arms. And you were already planning how to make it an everyday ritual.

—------------------------------

Today, the Master’s big plan for the Kingdom of Wonderland was finally going to come to an epic conclusion- Prince Hongjoong was going to get crowned king and he was finally going to ascend the throne. Granted, the path had been rocky and bloody but he finally made it. 

You would be his royal physician now, and no one else’s. And oh, the sight of the empty seat next to his that was once the queen’s was bubbling desire in you for something that was not- or should not be- yours. You were just a piece in the Master’s plan and you becoming the queen was not a part of his scheme.

But you were tired of obeying the faceless Master when there was no guarantee that you would live to see the next day- or even the next moment. The bluebirds were everywhere. They could end you just as easily as you had ended the King. They were cooks, soldiers, doctors, guards and assassins. They sat at every post in the castle and you wouldn’t be surprised if the Master was prowling somewhere around here- especially today. He had to be present to see the scheme of his forefathers about to conclude. 

And you were wondering if it would be too bad if you made some alterations to the Master’s plan. If he had one of the bluebirds sit on the throne, he wouldn’t need to end the monarchy to have the kingdom flourish, would he? He could just have them manipulate the royals and make a puppet out of Hongjoong. And it wouldn’t be too bad if you were the one who sat on the throne, right?

“We should do something about the queen’s empty throne, huh?” 

You almost jumped at the sudden intrusion, looking behind to see Hongjoong’s aide, Mingi, walking towards you to stand beside you. The Hall wasn’t empty but the workers had been silently making arrangements and you had just stopped on your way to your room to get a look at how the preparations were going. 

Mingi was dressed in his official uniform, a number of badges and emblems on the ruby red coat. He smiled at you, continuing. “You’re thinking the King would need someone by his side, aren’t you?”

“I was just reminiscing,” you lied smoothly. “It seems like just yesterday that the late King and Queen sat here proudly and the Hall was full of life.”

“Ah,” Mingi nodded in understanding. “It’s been… a bit sad afterwards, hasn’t it? The King… the grief really clung to him.”

“I sometimes wonder if there’s no cure for grief,” you sighed. “If the loss of his wife wasn’t enough-”

“His brothers,” Mingi nodded. “It’s truly a shame. Prince Woojin has arrived for the coronation but he isn’t too pleased to be here.”

“He’s going to get exiled from his homeland, so I can understand why,” you said and he agreed. The two of you looked at the empty seats for a while before you said you had to get ready for the event and you parted ways. You went to your room to change into a ruby red gown, wearing the earrings Hongjoong had gifted you and tying your hair back. And right after, you went to sit by the window to take a breather.

The sky was clear today, and you wished Hongjoong’s intentions would be too. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was amiss from the night that he pounced on you, suspecting that you killed the King. Yes, you had without letting him know beforehand, but he knew this was inevitable. And you had done him a favour because the King was almost on to him, but Hongjoong just had to be an ungrateful fool. It truly was a shame.

A knock sounded on the door and you opened it to reveal one of Hongjoong’s guards, asking you to accompany him to the royal chambers. You got worried for a moment, wondering if there was a medical emergency but the guard assured you that the Crown Prince just needed to talk to you about something so you followed without the medical kit. Mingi let you in and left, saying he had some matters to attend to. You looked around, finding the chambers awfully empty now that the King was gone and none of his staff was present. You knocked on Hongjoong’s room and he hummed in answer so you let yourself in.

“I see you’re already struggling with the burden of being the King,” you commented, watching him struggle with the robe unceremoniously. “Where’re your maids?”

“I don’t like being dressed by them,” he muttered. “Help me?”

You softly chuckled, standing in front of him between the mirror to fasten the clips to his jacket and then you straightened his clothes. “You only like my hands on you, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Hongjoong smirked, watching you with a fondness that made you question if you had been wrong to suspect him. “I just wanted to see you before the coronation.”

“Someone’s finally feeling emotional, huh?” You teased and he laughed at that, resting his hands on your hips. “How does it feel to finally be the King of Wonderland, Your Majesty?”

“It hasn’t happened yet,” he raised a brow but you tsk-ed.

“That’s just formality, the event. You are the King. And I’m glad to be here with you right now,” you told him- you really were happy for him, from the bottom of your heart. “All those library sessions finally earned us the crown.”

Hongjoong nodded, not commenting on how you used the term ‘us’. As if the crown belonged to you too. He supposed you had the right to feel like that after being his sword and his shield. 

“Can you come see me after the coronation, in the music room?” Hongjoong asked, gently cupping your face with one hand. “I’d like to give you something.”

“Really?” You asked, searching his eyes for an answer but finding nothing. You felt your heart thump with excitement at the prospect of what this could entail. The silly voice in your head told you that maybe he really was going to crown you or at least make a promise.

“Okay,” you nodded, kissing his palm. “I’ll be there.”

Hongjoong smiled at that and leaned in to kiss you, deep and passionate like none of the kisses you had ever received from him before. Your back arched as you wrapped your arms around his neck and melted into the kiss, his arm around your back bringing you closer. You kissed for a long time before he broke apart and you laughed a little, telling him that you should be going to mark your attendance at the Hall. Hongjoong let you go with a final kiss to the top of your head, promising to see you later.

You had to admit that you were confused by the sudden change in his behaviour, but maybe he had been a bit cold towards you for the past couple of days because of the stress. The Prince had always been a moody man but that didn’t mean that you weren’t hyper-aware of everything he said to you or the way he acted towards you ever since you got rid of the King. If there was one thing you had realised the past few months, it was that you were on your own. The Master wasn’t going to take care of you or protect you if you messed up. The Prince would always protect his crown first before and he would gladly frame you if he ever felt threatened. You were aware of that, and as much as you desired the Crown Prince, his power, and perhaps, the seat next to his, you weren’t going to be unprepared.

When you went to the Hall, you were greeted by many. You had been the King’s royal physician and his confidante of sorts, especially after his aide retired. Tonight, you were going to honour him by lighting the torch that marked the King’s absence before the coronation would begin. The late Queen’s torch would be lit by Prince Woojin, the Duke of Mist Island.

There was a murmur spreading throughout the Hall as Prince Woojin entered, clad not in the official red but black- for mourning. He hadn’t been staying at the castle ever since he arrived for the Duke’s execution and just when he was about to leave the Capital, he heard the news of the King and came to attend the funeral, extending his stay a few more days as per Hongjoong’s request. He joined you at the front row, a few empty seats away from you but you got up and greeted him, just like you would have greeted the late King.

“Have you been well?” Prince Woojin asked. “I heard that you were quite close to my brother.”

You sighed deeply. “I’m alright, thank you for asking. I hope you’ve been well too.”

Prince Woojin shrugged in answer. As the youngest of the three, he was quite the oddball of the family, lacking any desire for the throne since the beginning and keeping to governing the northern region of Wonderland where the islands were located, collectively referred to as the Mist Islands. Unlike the other Duke, he never argued about the policies either, only following the late King’s orders. You supposed there were people in this world who weren’t born with the innate desire for power after all. Prince Woojin was a living example of that.

“Do you think I should start packing up after the coronation?” Prince Woojin asked, surprising you. “I’ve heard rumours that I’m going to be exiled. As if living on Mist Islands isn’t an exile itself.” 

You frowned- you weren’t surprised that he had heard that, but why did he ask you? Was this just small talk or was he on to something? “Did you never want to rule the islands, Your Highness?”

“It’s not that,” he chuckled. “But it’s quite a trip from here, isn’t it? I just wish I had seen my brother more often when he was alive.”

“Well… Prince Woobin did,” you shrugged, and Prince Woojin heard the rest of the sentence even though you didn’t say it out loud. Look where that got him.

“For a long time, I’ve thought that whoever sets their eyes on the throne is doomed,” Prince Woojin said and you listened to his words carefully. “For a while now, the position has birthed tragic endings. Woobin’s death has only strengthened my belief. Even if I was offered the position, I wouldn’t take it.”

You made an impressed face, nodding at the man who looked older than his brothers despite being in his late forties. “You’re very wise, Prince Woojin-”

“Do you covet the throne, my dear?” Prince Woojin looked at you and your mouth parted in surprise at his observation- or guess. Whatever it was. 

“I… don’t, really,” you admitted, looking towards the empty seats. “I guess I covet power and control. For at least once in my life, I would like to be free to make my own decisions and have no one influence my path.”

“Let me tell you something,” he leaned towards you, just as the doors opened revealing the Crown Prince. “You don’t need to sit there to have power or control over your life. That is a cage that looks like salvation, and once you take the crown, there’s no going back. You’re trapped until death. You’ll be controlled by forces you can’t even see. At least right now, you’ll have what? One? Two people influencing your life?”

You glanced at Hongjoong who narrowed his eyes when he saw the two of you conversing. Turning your attention to the Duke, you nodded. “You’re right. It really is a cage, isn’t it?”

Prince Woojin smiled, slumping back and nodding. He looked at where his nephew was, who was being marched towards the throne with Mingi by his side. You and Prince Woojin stood up and the rest followed. You went towards the torches in the middle of the room, standing in front of each other. One of the servants brought a candle to you and you lit the King’s torch first, locking eyes with Prince Woojin. He smiled at you, taking the candle from your hand before lighting the Queen’s torch. After the fire from them rose to a certain height, you both turned towards Hongjoong who was waiting for the signal at the end of the room. He bowed back and turned to receive the crown.

“The lone survivor,” Prince Woojin commented. “For how long, I wonder.”

Your heart sank at his words and you slowly turned to face him. It couldn’t be, could it? Prince Woojin only smiled knowingly at you and then applause sounded across the room, with a chorus of ‘Long Live His Majesty King Hongjoong!’ sounding across the room. While he looked magnificent in the crown, you were left pondering over the Duke’s question.

For how long?

When things got a bit busy, you made one last attempt to tie your fate to Hongjoong’s. You went to your room and wrote a letter, tucking it under the bed like you always did. And then you went to the music room to wait for the new king. You were starting to feel a sense of finality washing over you and to cope with what was surely coming, you started to press your fingers to the piano, the movements feeling foreign but strangely intimate- as if the notes meant to comfort you and pass you silent assurances.

You supposed that was the reason why, when the King finally entered the room with a guarded look on his face and two soldiers by his side, you weren’t surprised. You only scoffed in mock amusement, shaking your head.

“Doctor y/n, royal physician to the late King,” King Hongjoong announced. “You are under arrest for the murder of the late King.”

You let out a short laugh which soon turned maniacal and Hongjoong signalled the guards to give you both some privacy. They went to stand outside the room though the door was kept open.

“You’ll regret this, oh, you will,” you said when you finally got up, taking off the ruby earrings. “This will be the moment you will look back to soon.”

Hongjoong only smiled in answer. “You’re a threat to me as you were to the King. I can’t have you prowling around, you must understand.”

“Of course,” you walked to him and took his hand, slamming the earrings on his palm and curling his fingers over it. “The crown suits you, Hongjoong. Make the most of it while you can.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” He raised a brow. 

You smiled, leaning in to whisper something in his ear, making him freeze. You kissed his cheek before drawing away, getting one good look at all that glory, memorising the face of the person you had crowned, the eyes that had betrayed you long ago, the lips that had always served as a distraction to make you blind to what had been brewing in his mind all along, and then at his hands that had led you to your doom. Before he could stop you, you walked past him and surrendered yourselves to the soldier, mockingly bowing at him.

Even though you could taste your tears, your lips were curved in a smile. You may have doomed yourself but-

You would not be alone. 

You had tied your fate to Hongjoong’s long ago. Your paths had been intertwined since the beginning and would remain so.

You had heard from the Master once- that it takes a monster to destroy another monster. Perhaps, you took his words literally- you became a monster just so you could take another down. You did not regret one bit of it.

—--------------------------

You had watched many executions take place in the square. You had watched the recent execution of the Duke beside Hongjoong.

However, you did not imagine you would be watching the very empty throne from the square, on your knees with your hands tied in front of you- still with Hongjoong beside you, in a similar state.

“Quite a view from up here, isn’t it?” You commented. “Bet the Duke was too infuriated to admire it when it was his time.”

Hongjoong didn’t reply, looking at the rope that was wound around his hands and then back at the throne that he had sat on for barely a day. He clicked his tongue in anger when he spotted Prince Woojin. He didn’t sit on the throne but went to stand at the edge to watch.

This time, the square was empty save for the two of you. No one needed to witness this ugly conclusion, you supposed. It was just a few officials from the castle and-

Mingi. Watching you from the shadows and motioning with his finger towards the opposite direction-

At Prince Woojin. You frowned in confusion but then he crossed his heart and then his wrist, and understanding washed over you. 

Mingi was a bluebird, and so was Prince Woojin. You realised then that your doom had been inevitable. You were meant to die with Hongjoong from the very beginning. Mingi had made sure that happened, and Prince Woojin, who had to be one of the masterminds, had tricked you into planting the letter under your bed. The letter confirmed that Hongjoong had ordered you to kill the King and had fabricated the evidence to get the Duke executed for a crime he did not commit. That way, they had an official confession to get you both arrested and ready for trial. 

But… Prince Woojin had to be someone who worked closely with the Master who had trained you. The Master had to be present today- you looked around, finding some familiar faces but failing to recognise him.

“No one’s coming to save you, Princess,” Hongjoong scoffed and you raised a brow as you looked at him.

“Fuck you too, Hongjoong.” 

Hongjoong shook his head in amusement, looking at you with a strange expression- was that affection in his eyes? You frowned. “You don’t have to fake your feelings anymore. At least be true to me- to yourself- in your last moments.”

“No point wishing I could kill you with my own hands anymore when we’re both going to the same place,” Hongjoong said, his body shaking as he stifled a fit of laughter. You shook your head at that.

“Isn’t it funny?” You attempted to change the subject, wanting a distraction from the way your knees felt numb from kneeling for so long now. “We were doomed from the beginning, you and I. We were both pieces in a game that was being played by these people- the masterminds, from so long ago. Did they ever foresee this moment?”

“Pieces, you say?” Hongjoong asked, wondering who these masterminds were- had he lost the real game while he got high on what looked like a victory to him? “Were you a spy?”

“A bluebird,” you confessed with a short laugh as tears pricked the corner of your eyes. “They’re everywhere, Hongjoong. They’re watching us right now.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened as he took a look around, finding all the eyes present trained on him. All his life, he had felt like he did not truly belong in the castle but never once had he felt it with this magnitude. He felt like an imposter in his own home.

“So this was all a part of your plan?” Hongjoong asked. His words carried no bitterness or disdain. He simply wanted answers.

“It wasn’t,” you shook your head. “At least, not this,” you raised your tied hands in the air and looked at him. “I really wanted you to rule, Hongjoong. Even if it was just for a day.”

“Well, you got what you wanted-”

“That was what they wanted,” you continued. “I tried to find a way out of this, but you have to understand that I was trapped. By them. By you. I told you that I would make sure to undo everything and sit next to you when you got me arrested, but… the bluebirds got us. I didn’t think I’d sit next to you in the square.”

The rays of the sun were starting to peek from behind the arched roof of the elevation where Prince Woojin stood watching you both. You shut your eyes, letting the warmth of the sun seep into your skin. You were going to be cold for an eternity now.

“Feel that, Hongjoong?” You asked, unmoving. “Another thing we took for granted.”

“The sun?” 

“This warmth,” you looked at him, spotting the grim face of the executioners making their way from the other end of the square, the soldiers and court members taking their respective positions. “Did you ever take your time to feel it? Did you ever feel something similar?”

“I wasn’t always a cold, calculating bastard,” Hongjoong chuckled, glad you were talking to him right now. He somehow felt lighter. “I felt warmth in my mother’s arms.”

“I didn’t,” you told him and he looked at you but there was no pity in his eyes, only understanding. “I felt warmth when the King talked to me like I was his daughter.”

Hongjoong smiled at that, looking at his tied hands. The executioners paused when they saw that emotion on his King’s face, allowing just another moment. You looked back at Hongjoong, strands of silver hair covering his glazed eyes.

“Did you ever love me?” 

Hongjoong’s smile only deepened at that. “Did you?”

“Maybe I did,” you cocked your head, waiting for an answer.

“Maybe I did too,” he raised a brow. “We must have been lovers in our past life.”

“Or maybe we were enemies, and this was my twisted attempt at redemption,” you said and he chuckled. “Maybe we’ll actually do ourselves justice in the next life. If there is one.”

“Death won’t do us part,” he said and you finally let the tears fall even though your heart warmed at his words.

The executioners appeared in front of you, their swords gleaming and ready by their side. Hongjoong had personally requested execution by the sword instead of the guillotine though he never mentioned his reasons for this choice. He raised his tied hands in the air and the executioner looked towards Prince Woojin for confirmation. You narrowed your eyes at the Prince, wondering if he would take the throne or demolish the monarchical system but your thoughts got interrupted when you found your executioner untying the ropes around your hands as well. 

Confused, you looked at Hongjoong who extended his hand, prompting you to take it. You intertwined your fingers with his, squeezing them. He held your hand with considerable strength as if he meant to convey his fear for what was ahead but assure you that he was here, with you. 

“Death won’t do us part,” he promised and shut his eyes. 

You shut your eyes with a smile, thankful for his promise. Maybe in the next life, you would meet again under better circumstances, unburdened by lies and guilt, greed and lust. For the first time, you saw something other than red.

You saw silver- muted but warm, like Hongjoong’s hair. Bright and glaring like the colour of the drug, silver light, that doomed you. Distant and beautiful like the stars you saw at night while you rested in Hongjoong’s arms. Twinkling and intoxicating like the stars Hongjoong made you see when he made love to you.

The village is eerily quiet. Not a single lamp is lit, nor even a breeze drifts through the dark stillness of the night as a singular shadow creeps through the streets. It’s almost as if the inhabitants no longer reside in the town as they all rest in their beds, unaware of the raging storm that approaches with every step.

Mingi’s resolve is deadly calm. That red sash covers his forehead, tying his hair back to keep it out of his face for what he prepares to do.

He left you back in his realm, nestled up under that tree by the spring. Sure, he may have stretched the truth a little bit about the tea, but he didn’t want you waking up while he was gone. At least he knows this way you’ll also sleep through the night, his glamour that he left on you protecting you from prying eyes.

There is no limit to his fury, sharp eyes blazing beneath the light of the moon as he stalks through the town centre. He’s always been good at tracking, and he makes sure to put his skills to good use this night as his gaze zeros in on the large house on top of the hill. 

You were right, this is quite a small town. No more than about sixty inhabitants. Surprisingly, no children. A fact which will only make his job here much easier.

Stealth is his top priority right now as he covers ground with each step, plotting out every escape route and figuring out how best to bottleneck his prey into his awaiting trap.

As the moon crests high in the sky, a true monster gets unleashed.

Shrill screams of pure terror fill the air as claws render flesh from bone. Blood splatters against walls, painting the night in crimson florals, the heavy stench of death permeating the air. No matter how desperately they plead for their lives, none survive, and by the time Mingi makes it up the hill, he is covered in viscera from his brutal kills.

The most satisfying death, he saves for last.

Mingi knows the man can hear him coming. The shrieks from the town down below would’ve reached his ears by now, filling him with a sense of dread. There is no escaping the hunt, and your husband is about to find out what it truly means to be reduced to absolutely nothing.

The sound of the door shattering as it gets kicked in causes the already pertinent fear Mingi can smell radiating through the house spike. The man cowers pathetically in his room, the exits having long since been sealed by the fae in preparation for the decimation that is about to take place.

Stepping through the doorway, Mingi stands there, letting the light from the moon illuminate his massive figure. The way the man screams in horror when he sees Mingi’s blood-soaked appearance only causes a malicious grin to pull at the redcap’s lips.

“Found you.” Mingi’s expression is downright maniacal, his eyes glinting wildly in the darkness.

The man cowers back, attempting to push himself further into the wall as Mingi takes a menacing step forward.

“Who sent you?” His voice is frantic, eyes wide with tears as they begin to spill down his face. “What do you want?”

Mingi’s grin stretches wider across his features, his tongue darting out to taste the blood covering his lips. “I’m here to collect on a debt.”

“A debt?” The man frowns, heart rate accelerating in panic.

“You hurt something of mine,” Mingi’s voice is but a low drawl as he stalks towards the shaking man huddled in the corner. “Something very precious to me.”

“Is it money? Money that you want?” The man’s eyes dart every which way around the room, looking for a possible exit. “I can give you all the riches you desire-“

“Stupid human.” Mingi hisses. “As if money could ever pay for the life you stole.”

There is no escape. Not now. Not ever. Especially not for this coward.

“What are you-“ Confusion tugs at the man’s brow for a brief moment before realization is settling over his features. “That bitch! She sent you!”

In the blink of an eye, Mingi has him pinned against the wall by the throat. The force at with he pins the man causes cracks to appear in the plaster, chunks falling to the ground in a rain of dust.

“Speak of her like that again, and I will ensure to draw this out for as long as possible.” The words are but a low growl on Mingi’s lips, claws digging into the skin of the man’s throat.

Desperately, the man begins to struggle. His hands attempt to tear Mingi’s own from his throat, clawing at the fae uselessly as his legs kick in the air.

“What did that whore promise you?” The man chokes out, struggling for breath. “One round with that cunt and you’re ready to kill for her?”

Mingi snarls, tightening his grip over the man’s throat as his vile blood begins to coat his hands.

“I bet she’s making you work for it. That’s why you’re doing this, isn’t it?” The man taunts, blood beginning to spill from his lips as Mingi nearly slams him through the wall a second time. “Stupid fucking whore was the easiest lay I ever had in my life. I feel bad for you. She normally spreads her legs for any man-“

“I am not a man.”

The words are spat out harshly, Mingi throwing the man behind him onto the floor. A satisfying crack echoes throughout the room, and the man cradles his one wrist to his chest, whimpering pathetically.

A wild grin stretches across blood red lips, eyes crazed as Mingi looks at the human from over his shoulder.

“Run, little rabbit,” Mingi’s voice drawls lowly, fangs glinting in the moonlight. “The beast wants to play.”

Without hesitating, the man scrambles to his feet, darting out of the open door of his room. Mingi can hear his laboured breathing as he nearly trips down the stairs, and the fae cannot help but laugh.

Little does this human know what Mingi has in store for him.

Slowly, Mingi begins creeping out of the room, and down the stairs. Once he reaches the bottom, he tears a wooden post from the banister, snapping it near the tip. He tests the point against the pad of his thumb, humming to himself as he stalks outside.

Desperately, the man scrambles to get away, nearly tripping over his own two feet.

Spinning that pole in his hand, Mingi reels back. The rod strikes like lighting through the air, hitting its intended target and causing the man to go tumbling the rest of the way down the hill.

An ominous hum is all the man hears approaching him as he attempts to crawl away. His hands tear through the dirt, uprooting the grass as he tries, and fails, to pull himself towards the edge of the woods and to a false sense of safety.

A sharp cry of pain rings out through the night air as Mingi steps on the back of the man’s calf, right where that wooden bannister now protrudes.

“And here I thought you would put up more of a fight,” Mingi hums, almost disappointedly. “Pathetic.”

A satisfying snap echoes through his ears, and the man shrieks as his tibia breaks from the force of Mingi’s full weight stepping onto it.

“I suppose we won’t need this anymore,” Mingi say lowly, tearing the wooden post from the man’s shin and snapping it in further half.

Another scream pierces the air as the man’s hands get pinned to the earth using each half of the now split banister. His legs uselessly kick out behind him, stuck flat against the ground on his stomach as whimpers and pleas to spare his life fall on deaf ears.

Reaching down, Mingi tears open the back of the man’s shirt, exposing his bare flesh. A sick, twisted grin cuts itself onto his features as he runs a clawed hand over the unmarred skin, and he feels the man shudder in terror beneath him.

“What are you-“

A sharp cry of pain causes the man to cut his words short. Mingi, having stood back to his full height, snapped the man’s other ankle, crushing it with his foot.

For a frightening long moment, all is silent. Not even the trees sway with a breeze, nor does a single creature make a sound. The weight disappears from the man’s foot, and the ominous chill that creeps down his spine only makes waiting to see what happens to him next all the more horrible. All that can be heard are the man’s desperate and miserable whimpers, begging to be set free.

A sharp snapping sound, like thin leather suddenly being pulled taunt, silences the man’s pleas. Cold, dreaded realization settles deep within his core, and he begins thrashing violently at the fae’s feet.

The world stops.

“For My Beloved Blossom.”

The sharp crack of the whip slices through the air.

Once.

Twice.

As many times as it takes until Mingi is satisfied.

Flesh renders from bone, blood splattering the once green earth bright red, and splattering all over his face. His features are schooled into a look of pure concentration, anger radiating off of him in waves as he finally shreds this disgusting excuse of a creature apart.

The stench of blood fills his burning lungs, pieces of bone chipping amongst the torn flesh with every strike. Chunks of skin cover his face, his hair stained red as he revels in the horrific shrieks of his mutilated prey.

Still, Mingi does not stop.

Only when the man’s entire spine is visible does Mingi toss aside the whip and switch to his bare hands. He knows the bastard is already dead, but that does not stop Mingi from tearing out his spine, or ripping him limb from disgusting limb.

Nothing is too much right now, and even in death, Mingi does not want this man to find peace.

He hurt you, and for that, he must pay. They all must pay.

Bathing his sash in the blood of his kills has never felt so satisfying in his entire life. He takes his time, moving through the village to soak the strip of cloth in each of his victim’s remains, humming lightly to himself as he does so. Mingi purposely both starts and ends with that bastard, dipping his cloth through what’s left of the man’s scattered remains before setting the whole place on fire.

As the flames blaze brightly in the early hours of the morning, Mingi has one final stop to make.

The glow of the raging inferno behind him is nothing more than a spec in the distance as he comes across an empty field. Fireweed covers the vast expanse of land, some patches of earth still charred from the blaze that stole your happiness from you some time ago.

Softly, his gaze scans the area, walking through the weeds now growing through what once was a beautiful field of your favourite flowers. His eyes catch on a single stem growing through the ash, and his breath catches in his throat.

The sun begins to rise.

Falling to his knees, Mingi stares down at the lone red spider lily that blooms almost defiantly within that field of wreckage.

A single teardrop falls to the earth, wetting the soil just beside the flower. It is followed by another, and then another, until the tracks cut lines into the blood staining his face.

Ever so gently, Mingi begins to dig. Dirt coats his fingers, getting stuck beneath his nails as he carefully pulls that plant from the earth. He cradles the root bulb in his hands tenderly, smiling softly down at the flower which now holds so much meaning to him, too.

Turning back to face the woods, Mingi begins the short journey back to you. Back to his home.

***

The light of the early morning sun peeks through the leaves of the trees around you. Warmth pools over your skin with every shifting beam, the gentle sway of the breeze caressing your entire body. The sound of birds chirping fill the skies, and you can faintly hear a gentle hum from the wildlife resting nearby.

Slowly, the environment begins to rouse you, the scents and sounds of the early morning calling you back from sleep’s warm embrace. Your one hand holds onto that stem of spider lilies, and you curl in closer to yourself. Only, something feels different.

Blinking your eyes open, you rub lightly at your face. A yawn escapes you, and you sit up only to realize what’s been wrong this whole time.

Mingi is missing, and you cannot find him anywhere in your immediate line of sight.

A light frown tugs at your features. Your mind is still heavy with sleep, so it takes you a moment to properly gather your bearings. 

Mingi must have just gone off to gather some supplies for the start of your daily journey. He normally has breakfast for the both of you ready by the time you wake up, anyways.

Movement from the bushes off to your right draws your attention. The sound of something approaching you through the woods grows louder, and your heartbeat accelerates. It sounds like it’s moving slowly, carefully, almost as if it’s stalking towards you.

Moments later, a large figure steps through the trees covered in blood. A red sash is tied around his forehead, and in his hands rests the most beautiful bloom that you’ve ever seen in your life.

“Mingi!” Your eyes go wide, worry immediately pulling at your features as you scramble to your feet.

Slowly, the fae in question lifts his head. His features are soft, mild concern tugging at his brow as he sees you rushing towards him. He’s well aware of what seeing him covered in blood does to you, and he was hoping to get back before you woke up. He wanted to clean himself off before you saw him like this, but at the way your hands frantically run over his chest and up to his neck, he knows that in this moment, you’re not scared of him.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Your voice is still lined with sleep, but the panic comes through loud and clear. “I woke up, and you were gone.”

“I’m sorry for worrying you, Blossom.” He says gently, a tender smile pulling at his lips as he looks down at you. “I was hoping to be back before you rose.”

“Mingi,” your eyes search his face, trailing over the blood and chunks of flesh clinging to his skin and embedded in his hair. “What happened?”

Shifting the flower he holds to rest in one hand, he tentatively reaches towards you. Hesitantly, the tips of his fingers caress the curve of your cheek as he stares at you with the most satisfied, loving look resting on his features.

“There was some business I had to tend to,” his voice is soft, his eyes searching your own. “A village that needed cleansing.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, your heart skipping a beat inside of your chest. Your gaze trails down to that lone flower resting in his one hand. Only, instead of feeling any sort of fear, or unease, you can only feel relief.

You take a deep breath in, and notice that beneath the stench of iron, Mingi also smells faintly of ash.

“Are you-“ Your voice catches. “Are you hurt?”

A soft chuckle falls from his lips. “As if they could ever hurt me.”

You shoot him a look in return, worry still clear in your eyes.

“No, Blossom,” he smiles, cupping the side of your face gently. “I am not hurt. Please, do not worry about me.”

A light exhale escapes you, and your eyes fall shut. “I’m glad.”

“No longer will any monsters ever haunt you,” his voice is low, and full of the deepest form of sincerity that you’ve ever heard someone speak to you with. “No monster will even hunt you again. I made damn well sure of it.”

Your brow furrows slightly in response, searching his features for an answer hidden beneath all of this gore.

That’s when it hits you. That’s when you fully accept the reality being presented to you.

“There’s nothing left of them, Blossom,” he tells you gently, that same look of undying love and loyalty resting deep within his eyes. “I made sure to burn them all to the ground.”

For a moment, you forget how to breathe.

“They cannot hurt you anymore.”

Your fingers begin to tremble lightly against the skin of his chest, the familiar sting of tears pricking at your eyes. All you can do in this moment is focus on the fae before you, covered in blood and guts, and all in the name of your honour.

He fought for you.

He punished those who have long since ignored you, beaten you down, and destroyed your sense of self worth.

He turned those that made you feel like you were nothing into nothing themselves, and now, all that is left of them is naught but ash and dust.

Silence stretches on between the both of you as you continue to stare at him. 

Mingi is conscious of every movement you make, of every slight hitch in your breath and every twitch of your fingers against his skin. His hand still cups the side of your face, and he worries, for a brief instance, that what he’s admitted to doing has just pushed you further away.

Only, just as he goes to pull his hand away, you lean into his touch.

Despite the dirt, despite the blood, ash, and other viscera that clings to his skin, you turn your head, placing a gentle kiss onto the palm of his hand.

This time, it’s Mingi’s turn for his breath to catch in his throat.

“Come on, Min,” you breathe out, reaching your own hand up to cup his gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Taking his hand into yours, you lead him over to the edge of that spring you bathed in together last night. 

Turning back to him, a soft smile graces your features. Carefully, you reach out your hands and he immediately places that single spider lily into your palms.

“It was growing-“ he swallows, voice thick with emotions that you understand all too well. “In the field that was burned, it was growing. I- I had to bring it back home to you. For you.”

“For us. For our home.” You glance upwards from the flower to stare into his eyes, and the way you see his expression soften at your words makes you smile. “Thank you, Mingi. Thank you. No one has ever-“ your voice catches slightly, and you blink away your sudden tears. “It truly means a lot.”

“It’s as I’ve said before, Beloved,” His lips tug upwards tenderly in the corners. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

You nod softly, eyes crinkling in joy. 

“As terrifying as it is for me to admit,” you breathe, smiling down at that flower in your hands, “I’m starting to believe you.”

A slight grin pulls onto his features, chuckling lowly. 

“How happy I am, then, to make you believe.”

You return his soft look, moving to place this flower with the other you left resting by the tree. By the time you turn back around, Mingi has already stripped himself of his soiled clothes and is waist deep in the spring. His back faces you, and you cannot help but to let your eyes roam over the unmarked skin for a moment longer than you probably should.

Swallowing the sudden dryness in your throat, you hurry back over to the edge of the spring. Rolling up your pants to just above your knees, you sit on the rocks lining the mouth of the spring, dipping your feet into the cool water.

Lightly, you kick your legs beneath the surface, causing ripples to form. The way Mingi turns to smile at you, face still covered in blood and grime doesn’t deter you at all. In fact, it only makes your heart skip another beat inside of your chest.

For once, the blood is not your own. There is no monster coming to hurt you, or hunt you down. That blood has been spilt for you, and you cannot deny the relief that floods your veins when you think about it. Not only that, but gratitude.

All of your life you wanted someone to fight for you. To protect you, and bring justice to those that wronged you for so long. Which is exactly why you can only feel elated at the fact that such a ‘monster’ would do something so personal for you.

He cares, and he’s more than proved it.

Too many times you’ve fantasized about taking control of your own life. You wanted the power to make your own decision, and to be able to get back at those who have wronged you. You resented them, and you wanted for them feel even an ounce of the same pain that they made you feel.

They did, and all because of Mingi. Because one other person - a fae, no less - could see, and decided, that you had worth.

Your heart swells in your chest, and you glance that red band laying beside you in the grass. The material is certainly darker than you remember it being last night, and given the colouration, you can tell that the strip of cloth is still wet in certain spots.

You don’t know why, but it makes you smile.

Turning your attention back on the fae in front of you, you motion him closer.

Slowly, Mingi walks over to you. He had been resting with his shoulders beneath the water, so once he stood, small trails of pink droplets had begun to cascade down his chest, mixing with the blood still marring his skin.

Once he’s close enough, you reach out and take his hand.

Wordlessly, you begin to bathe him just as he did with you last night. Your touch is nothing short of tender, scrubbing the dirt and blood from his skin and from beneath his nails. When you ask, he even unsheathes his claws to show you, and all you can do is marvel at how sharp they are.

A mental image of these claws tearing through the people of your village fills your mind. Though, instead of feeling disgust, or horror at such a gruesome act, you can only feel pride.

These claws are meant for you. They will tear through anyone or anything that threatens your safety, or makes you unhappy. They will always protect you, and never will they be used on you in such gruesome ways. A fact which only warms your heart the more you think about it, settling happily into this moment with Mingi before you.

Once you have finished washing his hands, you move onto his torso, working your way up his body until you reach his head. At this point, he kneels before you, making the reach much easier for you while revelling in the way your fingers thread through his hair.

Small pieces of bone are removed from his blond locks, which are now tinted the faintest shade of red in certain spots from the amount of blood that had covered him. The damp strands are pushed away from his face once you’re done, his sharp eyes staring up at you with nothing but adoration as he watches you clean him up.

Really, Mingi could get used to this. Coming back to you after a hunt is a dream come true, and the idea that you could be doing this with him every time only serves to make his heart race inside of his chest. The fact that he hasn’t scented any fear or unease from you since he’s return makes his whole body come alive, falling even deeper for you with every passing second.

“Okay,” your gentle voice manages to pull him out of his thoughts. “Done.”

Water cascades down the plains of his chest as Mingi stands back to his full height. Droplets cling to the ends of his hair, dripping onto your clothed thighs as he leans into you. An arm rests on either side of your torso, yet, despite his closeness, you do not feel trapped.

“Have I ever told you how incredible you are?” He keeps his tone low, voice rumbling from deep within his chest.

Your eyes shine, glancing up at him through your lashes. You can feel your heart swelling with warmth, and you cannot prevent the way a subtle heat rises to your cheeks.

A hand comes up to cup your face, his thumb languidly stroking over your cheek.

Still, he leans into you.

“I never want you to forget how special you are,” he breathes out, placing his forehead gently against your own. “How special you are to me.”

Your gaze, which had been shyly averted to your lap, lifts back up to meet his own.

“Did you really do it?” The words are naught but a whisper on your lips. “Did you really kill them all for me?”

“None of them deserved to life for a second longer for what they did to you,” his fingers press a little firmer against the skin of your cheek, and he steps closer. “I would do it all over again, too. As many times as it took, until you are satisfied.”

Slowly, carefully, you lift your hands to his face. Your eyes search his own, and nothing but sincerity shines behind his gaze. A fact which only causes the warmth in your chest to grow even further, beginning to spread outwards and all the way down to the very tips of your fingers.

“I care about you, My Blossom,” he repeats these same words to you now, just as earnestly as the first time. “I want to see you thrive, to see you bloom.”

“You… wish to be with me?” Your voice is a little hesitant, unsure of the words you seem to be speaking right now.

“More than anything,” he breathes out, and you can feel his warm breath ghost against the skin of your lips.

“You… want me?” The question is innocent enough, but his response is immediate.

“In any and every single way you’ll let me.” The words are but a low growl on his lips, dark eyes staring deeply into your own.

“You… want to-“ you pause for a moment, steadying your nerves, “belong to me in the same ways you would like for me to belong to you?”

Mingi takes a shuddering breath in, his eyes slipping closed. “Desperately so.”

Your lips part, tongue darting out to wet them.

“Are-“ you swallow the sudden dryness in your throat, “Are claims mutual?”

“Yes,” his reply is instantaneous, albeit a little airy. “Claims are-“ his tongue darts out to swipe against his bottom lip, “Claims are meant to be mutual between all parties involved. That’s how they are always intended to be, as they are the most sacred of bonds we can share with another.”

Softly, you nod your head, hands sliding down his cheeks and over his neck to rest on his shoulders. You can feel him shiver beneath your touch, stepping in even closer to you.

“When I say I want to claim you…” his eyes slip closed, revelling in the way your thighs part for him so that he can slot himself between them. “I have always intended, and will always mean for it to be mutual. I do not own you. You are not meant to be my possession. I do, however, desperately wish to be able to call you mine.”

The inhale you take is soft, hands tightening ever so slightly over his shoulders.

A moment passes in silence, letting his words wash over you. There is no doubt in your mind about what you want right now, and the answer is standing right before you, pouring his soul into every word that he speaks.

“Mingi…” 

The call of his name is so tender from your lips, that all he can do is hum in response. 

“I wish for you to claim me.”

There is no denying the way Mingi’s breath hitches. In fact, you swear he stops breathing completely, his eyes flinging open to stare deeply into your own. Not even a moment later, you can feel his chest beginning to heave with every breath, lips parting as he attempts to control himself for your sake.

“Are you-“ his tongue darts out to wet his lips, leaning the slightest bit further into you. “Are you sure?”

The way that he asks, that he’s making sure that this is something you do want, only serves to warm your heart, and solidify your decision.

You smile, repeating back to him the same words he spoke to you earlier this morning. “More than anything.”

You physically feel the way his heart skips a beat in his chest, the pounding resonating beneath your fingertips. You swear you can also feel him beginning to tremble beneath your touch, both of his hands coming up to cup your face tenderly.

“You do not know how happy you’ve made me, hearing you say that.” He says lowly, tilting his head forward so that your noses brush.

The corners of you lips tug upwards, fingers dancing lightly along his skin.

“Anything you want, everything you desire, is yours.” He whispers, his lips barely brushing over your own.

A small gasp parts your lips, your eyes hooding over as you briefly glance downwards at his own.

“I just want you,” the admission is but a sigh on your lips, wrapping your arms fully around his shoulders as your fingers begin to thread through the hair at the nape of his neck.

You swear a soft moan tumbles from him.

“Then, My Dear Blossom,” he steps impossibly closer. “May I kiss you?”

Your lips quirk upwards, heart swelling with warmth inside of your chest. The fact that he even asked, after everything you’ve been through…

“I would love nothing more.”

Instantly, his lips are on your own. One of his hands slides down the side of your neck, softly tracing over your shoulder and down the curve of your spine. His large hand splays against your lower back, pulling you in closer as he presses himself fully against you.

Water seeps into the material of your clothing, but you don’t care. Not with the way he’s kissing you to lovingly, holding onto you as if you are the most precious thing he has ever had the pleasure to experience in his life. 

From the way you can feel his fingers trembling lightly, his cock twitching against the skin of your thigh, you know that to him, you are.

His touch is gentle as he moves his lips over your own, your hands tangling in his locks to pull him in even closer. Yet still, he doesn’t push you too hard, easily letting you pull away if need be. 

Never does he want you to feel trapped with him. Always, it will be your choice.

Your choice to let him kiss you, to let him touch you.

Your choice to let him claim you, and for you to claim him.

Your choice to be with him, and to let him be with you.

You are his entire world, and he will do everything in his power to make sure you know just that. A fact of which he never wants you to forget.

He parts from you only to begin trailing his lips over your cheekbone and down to your jawline. His nose nuzzles gently over your skin, taking a deep breath in as your scent begins to completely overwhelm him in the best of ways.

Gently, he dips his head lower, placing tender kisses over the side of your neck and directly over your pulse. He can feel the way it flutters against his lips, and he cannot help but smile against your skin.

Taking another deep breath in, Mingi’s eyes flutter closed. A soft moan escapes him, and his free hand comes to settle on your waist, thumb brushing over the fabric of your shirt gently.

“I don’t-“ he swallows audibly, “I don’t want to push you too far, Blossom, but I fear that if we continue like this, then I won’t be able to stop myself from acting on my deeper desires.”

Your hands tighten in his hair, and you feel him shudder beneath your fingertips. “What is it that you desire, Min?”

A low groan escapes him, and he presses his face deeper into the side of your neck. “You, completely relaxed, and letting me take care of you like you’ve always deserved.”

Your breath catches lightly in your throat, and you pull him impossibly closer.

“I want to touch every inch of your skin, and show you how beautiful you are to me.” He continues lowly, his lips ghosting along the skin of your neck. “I wish to drown you in an ecstasy you never knew possible until you gave me the honour of pleasing you. I wish to give myself to you fully, and in return, I hope that you will give yourself to me, too.”

His name escapes you as no more than a gasp, expression softening as he pulls away to stare deeply into your eyes.

“I never want to push you too far, or make you uncomfortable. I would rather burn alive than ever take advantage of you like that.” He leans in to rest his forehead on your own once more. “I only want your pleasure, and if at any point you are uncomfortable, or you want to stop, you immediately let me know.”

The emotions that fill your chest overwhelm you, and you cannot help the tightness that you feel building within your throat. Tears well in your eyes, and you find yourself blinking them away rapidly while nodding your head.

You’ve never felt this deeply cared for, nor understood in your life.

“I will,” you manage to swallow the emotions that threaten to choke you out at any second. “I promise.”

Softly, Mingi smiles, leaning forward to peck your lips.

“Likewise, if there’s anything that you want me to do for you, Blossom,” he breathes out lightly. “All you have to do is ask.”

Again, you nod your head in understanding.

“I will never take more than what you are willing to give, and I will never give more than what you are willing to take.” He says gently, his hands sliding down you body to settle along the sides of your thighs as he pulls away to stare down at you. “I love you. I care about you deeply. I never want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

Your heart feels as if it’s about to burst forth from your chest, eyes shining with nothing but pure awe and appreciation. Your hands slide down the front of his chest, settling along his waist as you tug him in closer, wrapping your legs around him while meeting his gaze.

“Mingi,” the call of his name from your lips is so tender, even the birds seem to stop their morning songs to listen. The silence of the clearing seems to swell around you, and you take that final leap, knowing that he will be right there to catch you. “I am in love with you, too.”

Mingi swears that he forgets how to breathe. His heart simply flutters inside of his chest, and tears of his own well in his eyes. A happy laugh escapes him, the smile that pulls at his lips one that is not easily contained.

Leaning into you once more, Mingi presses his lips to your forehead. He lets his touch linger for as long as possible, pouring everything that he wants to say into the press of his skin against your own. He holds you tightly, eyes falling shut as a cascade of happiness spills over his cheeks.

“I love you so much,” he mumbles against your forehead, and not even a second later, he’s littering tender kisses all over your face, repeating the phrase with each one.

Your soft giggle is music to his ears.

The moment Mingi presses his lips to yours, you gladly wrap your arms back around his shoulders. You allow him to set the pace, grateful to be held in his embrace just like all of those times before. 

His kiss is soft, taking his time to fully explore your mouth as his tongue moves languidly against yours.

You hum, feeling his hands trail up your thighs and slip beneath the material of your shirt.

A sudden heat rises to your cheeks at the thought that drifts through your mind.

“Mingi,” the gentle call of his name draws his attention, and he pulls away to stare into your eyes. “Can you- uh…” he waits patiently for you to continue, noticing how your eyes squeeze shut in embarrassment as you rush out the words, “Can you cut me out of my clothes?”

Mingi’s eyes go wide. To say your request catches him off guard would be an understatement.

“They-“ you fidget slightly, hands suddenly pulled back into your lap. “They used to do that whenever they would have their fun, and I don’t want to remember them doing that anymore.”

His one hand comes up to tenderly brush his knuckle over the side of your cheek.

“Do you wish to forget?” He asks softly.

“I’m not doing this to forget,” you shake your head. “I want to replace those bad memories with newer, better ones. I don’t want to think about them cutting off my clothes. I want to think about you.”

It’s slight, and you believe it’s subconscious on his part, but he pulls you in even closer against him. Your body is almost pressed flush against his own, his loving gaze darkening at the implications.

“I will do anything if it means you thinking of me,” he mutters lowly. “Anything to make you happy.”

The hand that had been caressing the side of your cheek slides down to your shoulder. Carefully, he unsheathes his claws, hooking the tips beneath the collar of your shirt. At the way he hears your breathing pick up, he pauses, glancing at your face and noticing how your eyes remain shut for the moment.

Lightly, he tugs at your shirt.

“May I?” His inquiry is so gentle, that you cannot help but blink your eyes open to meet his gaze.

You swallow your nerves.

“Please.” A single nod accompanies your response, your heartbeat ringing in your ears.

Mingi’s movements are slow, precise. There is no harsh sound of tearing fabric. Instead, he pulls the shirt until it’s taunt with his nail, allowing his claw to cut through the thin material slowly.

The whole time, he maintains eye contact with you. At any sign of hesitance, or discomfort, he vows to stop. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you, or push you away.

Your breathing deepens, and within another blink of your eyes, Mingi has managed to cut right through your shirt. His hands settle on your hips, gently sliding upwards as the material parts following the path he takes up your body.

Tingles erupt on your skin as he traces his hands over your shoulders, pushing the now torn fabric gently down your arms. His touch is nothing but soft, his gaze soon following in the same path over your skin as your torso is fully revealed to him.

The sound of your shirt hitting the ground is synonymous with the low moan that escapes him. His eyes flit everywhere over your chest, following the gentle curves of your breasts all the way down to your stomach which he adores. Every scar he sees only adds to the perfection of you before him, baring yourself like this for him to see.

Him, and only him.

“You are absolutely captivating,” he breathes, eyes flitting once more over your torso before darting upwards to meet your gaze. His hands reach out to you, stopping just short of your waist. “Do I-“ he swallows, fingers trembling as his tongue darts out to wet his lips. “Do I really get to touch such beauty?”

His question, posed so earnestly with wonder shining behind his gaze, makes your breath catch in your throat. Fondness shines in your eyes as you stare up at him, nothing but tender love and affection swirling deep within your chest. His words make your entire body heat, a pleasant feeling erupting beneath your skin as you simply revel in the way he looks at you.

Your legs tighten ever so slightly around his waist, eyes fluttering shut as you feel him pressing right against you. At the way you hum in confirmation to his gentle inquiry, you can feel his cock twitch against your thigh once more. The way he positively beams at your answer only makes you tighten your own grip on him, needing to feel him pressed against you in every way imaginable.

Gently, his hands settle onto your waist, squeezing your flesh appreciatively before tracing his touch over your sides. A low moan escapes him as he brings his hands up to cup your breasts. His thumbs trace over your nipples, the thin fabric still covering you barely doing anything to hide what lies beneath.

A soft moan parts your lips, and you find yourself arching into his touch. Your own hands slide up his sides, nails grazing his flesh lightly and causing a shiver to caress his spine.

Not even a moment later, Mingi hooks a finger through the thin band of fabric between your breasts. One quick tug from him, and the material snaps, the straps sliding down your shoulders almost instantly.

You visibly watch his eyes darken, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he stares down at your chest. He wastes no time in cupping your breasts, feeling the weight of them in his hands as he gives them an appreciative squeeze.

“So soft,” he moans, thumbs flicking over your nipples once more before circling over the pert buds. “So perfect.”

At his words, you press yourself further into his touch, soft pants escaping your lips. You can feel tingles erupting all over your skin wherever he touches, and the feeling only serves to make your head spin.

You could get lost in him, and from the way that his eyes shine tenderly down at you, you have a feeling that that’s exactly what he wants you to do.

Trailing your hands upwards, your fingers dance across his chest. The way he shivers beneath your touch has you smiling up at him, purposely dragging your nails over his skin.

“You’re so handsome, Mingi,” you breathe out, taking the time to admire his sculpted torso.

His breath catches lightly, and his hands involuntarily squeeze over your breasts. 

“You think I’m handsome?” The questions is posed so innocently, that his voice rises slightly in pitch.

“I do,” you hum, your one hand coming up to cup the side of his face. “You are the most stunningly handsome being I have ever had the pleasure to rest my eyes upon.”

You watch his throat bob as he swallows thickly, lips parting with the gentlest of gasps. His one hand slips around your back as he leans in, pulling you closer as he wastes no time in pressing his lips to yours once more.

Mingi pours every single emotion he has for you in the way his lips move against your own. The fingers of his one hand still cup your breast, beginning to pinch and roll your nipple between them. His tender movements mirror the gentle caress of his tongue against your own, and it only causes your breath to hitch lightly in your throat.

Eagerly, he swallows all of your moans, loving the way you cling to him desperately as he feels you beneath his touch. Your skin is a delicacy which ignites a fire beneath his own, and with every passing second, he only wants more.

Slowly, Mingi trails his hand that had been squeezing at your breast down your torso. His fingers dance lethargically against your skin, tracing over every dip and curve presented to him. The way he caresses you, trailing his fingertips over your scars lovingly, has your whole body heating, eagerly leaning into his every touch.

Desperately, you begin to crave more.

Soon, his fingers begin slipping beneath the waistline of your pants, never dipping more than a knuckle deep. He’s cautious, pulling away to meet your gaze to check in on you, wanting to make sure that you’re still okay, and that he’s not moving too quickly.

Your eyes stare up at him, wide and pleading, and he feels your hips shift the lightest bit forward. The smallest of whimpers escapes you, and the sound goes straight to his cock, lips parting in another moan as the scent of your arousal completely fills his every sense.

He can practically taste you on his tongue…

“Touch me, Mingi,” Your voice is barely above a whisper, airy and desperate. “Show me how beautiful I am.”

A low, pleased growl rumbles out from his chest. “With pleasure.”

Without wasting another moment, Mingi tears right through your pants, pulling the shredded material away and tossing it to the side. His hand comes down to settle on your thigh, thumb stroking lightly over your skin as he spreads you the slightest bit more open for him.

His lips find your own once more as his fingers creep up your thigh, skimming gently over the edge of your underwear. The fact that he can hear you whimper against his mouth only makes him smile into the kiss, deepening it without a second thought.

A moment later, he hooks a finger through the band, snapping the thin material and fully exposing you to him.

The full, unfiltered scent of your arousal bombards his senses, and he cannot help the way he gasps against your lips. His chest heaves with every breath, shifting his hand to cup you over your mound, the heat of you settling enticingly against his palm.

The hand he has splayed on your back tugs you in closer as the fingers of his other hand part your folds gently. Carefully, he drags the tip of his middle finger over your cunt, his eyes nearly rolling at the wetness that greets his skin.

A soft gasp escapes you as you feel him using the tip of his finger to circle over your clit, the movement making your whole body jolt in pleasure. 

His touch is soft, tentative almost. He wants to take his time exploring you right now, letting you feel his devotion to you in every movement that he makes. Anything and everything to get you to sigh his name in bliss, to have you clinging to him, and begging for more.

He adds the slightest bit more pressure over your clit.

Your eyes flutter, and another gasp escapes you. This time, of his name.

“There is no sweeter sound than the call of my name from your lips, Beloved,” Mingi breathes out against your neck, pressing gentle kisses against your skin.

The tip of his finger slips back down to circle your entrance, dipping lightly through your folds before pushing only a single knuckle into you. He slips it back out before pushing deeper into you each time, repeating the process until his finger is buried within your warmth, feeling the way your walls squeeze him so beautifully.

A moan falls from your lips, purposely clenching around his finger as you cling to him. Your head falls forward, eyes hooded as you glance his toned body before you. The moment you feel his thumb find your clit, you reach down, taking his cock into your one hand and pumping him a few times just above the water.

His hips jerk forward involuntarily, a low groan tumbling from his lips.

“Beloved,” his voice is strained, brow furrowing as he focusses on the way you shift your hand over his cock. “I don’t expect-“

“I want to.” Your own voice comes out breathlessly, clenching around his finger once more as he begins to move it within you. “I want to please you, too.”

“Your mere existence pleases me,” he replies airily, adding the slightest bit more pressure to his thumb circling over your clit. “I’ll allow it. For now. But after, I want it to be all about you.”

“But-“ 

The protest dies on your lips as you feel him wrap his one arm he has at your back fully around your waist. There is now barely any space between your two bodies, just enough to allow you both to continue your ministrations over the other as you hold one another close.

“Do not underestimate what being able to please you does to me, Blossom,” his words are but a low drawl on his lips, curling his finger deep inside of you and making you gasp. “You feel like heaven around me. Seeing you, getting to feel your reactions to me, is one of the greatest pleasures I will ever receive in my life.”

At the way you feel his cock twitch in your hand from his words, you know there is no greater truth to him than what he’s just spoken. A fact which makes your stomach twist in pleasure, squeezing around his finger buried deep inside of you as his thumb continues to circle over your clit.

Another moan escapes you, and your hand tightens subconsciously around his cock. You do your best to mirror the pace of his finger currently massaging your inner walls, but the pleasure that threatens to drown you at any second makes it increasingly difficult to think.

Your free hand clings onto his back, fingers digging into his skin. The press of your nails only causes him to shiver in pleasure, lips parting as low groans escape him. The way your hand feels, languidly stoking over his cock, makes his head spin. The moment he feels you swipe your thumb over his slit, he has to bite his lip to keep himself from coming. 

He needs to see you fall apart before he can even think to let himself go.

Slowly, just as he did with the first finger, he works another into you. His pace is gentle, pushing in so far only to pull back out as he stretches you open for him. His thumb never once leaves your clit, either, circling that sensitive little nub as his lips return to your own.

Eagerly, he swallows your sounds, offering you ones of his own in return. At the way he can feel your hands beginning to shake against him, he knows that you’re close.

“Give it to me, Beloved,” his breath escapes him as no more than heavy pants as he pushes his fingers into you. “I’m right here. Let yourself go.”

The moment you feel his fingers bury themselves deep inside of you, pressing firmly against your inner walls, your eyes roll. The tips lightly brush over such a sensitive spot inside of you, his thumb circling over your clit in time with his movements, making you see stars.

You come with a loud cry of his name, eyes squeezing shut as your body collapses forward into him. 

Of course, he is right there to catch you, to steady you as you fall.

Your hand stills over his cock, squeezing him firmly as he moans deeply, beginning to thrust lightly into your grip. Not even a moment later, you feel warm spurts of come painting your stomach, his breath heaving as low, pleased growls escape him with every exhale.

The feeling of Mingi’s hand gently stroking over your spine slowly begins to bring you back to reality. Your chest rises and falls dramatically with each breath you take, revelling in his touch. Your forehead presses against his chest, and you can feel it vibrating contently beneath you as he finally removes his hand from your cunt.

“So beautiful,” he coos, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of your head while the other settles onto your thigh. His fingers press delicately into your flesh, thumb stroking over your skin lightly. “So perfect.”

Ever so carefully, Mingi begins to dip you backwards, laying you gently upon the stone you rest on. His figure looms above you, nothing but love shining deep within his gaze as he stares into your eyes.

You finally release your hold on his cock, hand coming up to settle on his chest while the other shifts to tangle in his hair. You waste no time in pulling his lips back down to your own, heart swelling inside of your chest as his hands roam all over your body. Carefully, he avoids the mess he’s just made on your stomach. For now.

A blink, and Mingi begins trailing his lips down the side of your neck. His hot breath fans over your skin, contrasting the coolness of the rock at your back.

“Still okay?” He asks gently, gazing up at you through his lashes as his head rests just above your chest.

You nod, quite eagerly, as you still attempt to catch your breath. “Don’t stop.”

The smile that pulls at Mingi’s lips is so tender, that you cannot help the way your heart flutters in response. Almost instantly, he eagerly begins to trail more kisses down your chest, suckling lightly at your skin. 

His hands return to your breasts, kneading the flesh tenderly as he takes one of your nipples into his mouth. A flick of his tongue over the pert bud has you moaning, arching once more into his touch as your thighs squeeze around his sides.

Softly, he suckles on your nipple, tongue swirling around the sensitive skin as he hums against you. A moment later, he’s releasing you with a soft pop, kissing his way over to your other breast to give it the exact same attention.

Your lips are parted, eyes hooded over as you lift your head to watch him move over you. Your one hand tangles in his locks, nails scratching at his scalp as your fingers thread through his hair.

What truly makes your head spin is when you see him detach himself from your nipple only to press his face directly between the valley of your breasts. His eyes flutter closed, and he inhales deeply, a stuttering groan falling passed his lips. Then, he’s tilting his head forward, placing a lingering kiss right over the skin of your beating heart.

“Mine.” He growls out, his eyes flashing open to stare deeply into your own.

Your breath hitches in your throat, heart stuttering inside of your chest. Only, your reaction surprises you. You cannot deny the way your stomach twists in pleasure at the way he says this, nor the way you feel yourself clench around nothing.

So, you respond in a way that feels both natural and right in this moment to you.

“Yours.” The word is but a sigh on your lips, but the effect it has on the fae before you is instantaneous.

A desperate groan escapes him, his eyes falling shut as he presses his face against your chest once more. You can feel his every breath hitting your skin, his hands settling onto your waist and pulling you in closer. His fingers dig into your skin, firm enough so that you can feel the need in his touch, but not enough to hurt you.

No. Never enough to hurt you.

“As I will always, and forevermore, be yours,” he breathes out onto your skin, blinking his gaze open to stare up at you lovingly. He hums contently, “My Beloved Blossom.”

Slowly, he begins trailing kisses back down your torso, his hands still eagerly gripping at your sides. His eyes briefly flick down to your stomach, noting the lines of his come still covering you in him.

Something deep within Mingi snarls with unabashed pride, and he smirks.

His tongue comes out to lave over your skin, tracing the trails of his come all the way from bottom to top. After each line, he places open mouthed kisses against your stomach, laving his lips over every inch of you, and loving the way he can feel you begin to squirm beneath him in pleasure.

Your hands tighten in his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. “Mine.”

The moan Mingi lets out against your skin is deep, his fingers sinking a little firmer into your sides. His chest rumbles pridefully in agreement, his sharp eyes flashing as he looks up to meet your gaze.

“Say it again,” his voice is but a growl on his lips as he sinks to his knees before you.

With a slight hitch in your breath, you comply.

“Mine.”

His hooded eyes lock onto your own, licking his lips eagerly as he slides his hands under your thighs, pushing your legs further apart.

“Again.” He growls, shifting forward slightly to hook your legs over his shoulders.

The way your pussy clenches right before his very eyes has another pleased rumble shaking his chest.

A small whimper slips passed your lips, and Mingi can feel the way your thighs begin to tremble against his shoulders. 

“You’re mine.” Your fingers come down to thread back through his hair, tugging lightly at the roots.

Mingi’s eyes flutter once more, a pleased hum escaping him.

“I am yours, Blossom,” he leans his head gently against your one thigh. A moment later, he’s turning to place a tender kiss right over where that cut he helped heal had previously marred your flesh. Then, his eyes are flashing open, and he tugs you closer to the edge of the spring. “Now, let me watch you bloom.”

As soon as those words escape his lips, he’s diving into you, parting your folds eagerly with his tongue. The moan he lets out reverberates against your core, licking a broad strip upwards to begin flicking gently at your clit.

Your whole body jolts at the first touch of his tongue over your cunt. A whimper of his name falls passed your lips, thighs naturally wrapping themselves around his head.

A pleased growl escapes him, vibrating pleasantly against your clit as he sucks the little bundle of nerves between his lips. His hands wrap around your thighs, pulling himself in closer to you as he positively buries his face in your cunt, licking eagerly at every drop you have to offer him.

You moan, eyes falling shut as you cry out his name once more.

“That’s it, Blossom,” his voice rumbles out against your folds, his nose pressing into your clit as his tongue swirls around your entrance. “Let me hear how good I’m making you feel.”

His tongue dips between your folds, pressing deeper into you with every lick.

“So good,” you moan, fingers tightening in his hair to pull him in closer to your cunt. “Fuck- Mingi!”

His eyes flutter in bliss, moaning shamelessly into your pussy as he laves his mouth over you.

“Just like that, Blossom,” his tongue comes up to flick eagerly at your clit again, his one arm shifting beneath you. “I want you to drown me in you.”

The second those words slip passed his lips, his fingers are back at your entrance. Slowly, he begins to push two back into you, working you open just as he did earlier.

He needs to feel you squeezing around him again. He needs to see you fall apart  for him again. He needs to feel you coming for him, and him alone.

“Such a pretty little pussy,” he hums, pulling away to watch his fingers slip inside of you. He nearly moans at the sight, cock twitching as he feels your walls clench around him. “So pretty, and all for me to devour.”

Another moan tumbles from your lips, tossing your head back in bliss. You can hardly maintain eye contact with him for long, the heat from his gaze setting your soul on fire, and bathing you in in the warmth of his love, of his desire.

It’s for you. It’s all for you.

The wet sounds of his tongue on your core fill the clearing as he returns to suckling on your clit. His fingers move languidly in you, massaging against your inner walls until the tips are finding that familiar spot that has your breath hitching. Once he feels is against the tips of his fingers, he curls them, humming over your clit as he shakes his head from side to side.

Your thighs begin to shake around him, that familiar pressure building within you with every flick of his tongue over your clit. The pleasant stretch of his fingers buried in your cunt only makes you clench around them, breath stuttering as he continues to massage the tips over that special spot deep inside of you.

Gently, you feel him grab one of your hands in his own, tugging it loose from his hair in order to lace your fingers with his. His eyes plead for you to fall apart, squeezing your hand now held within his own as he flattens his tongue against your clit. 

His warm breath hits your cunt with every desperate pant that escapes him, moving his tongue languidly in circles. In the next moment, he pulls away to flick at the sensitive little nub rapidly, watching your every reaction intently as he curls his fingers once more.

Your orgasm crashes into you without warning, your legs trembling violently around his head. Naturally, your thighs squeeze together, back arching off of the stones as you cry out his name. Your eyes flutter shut, brow furrowed as you cling onto his hand like a lifeline, drowning in the ecstasy he so willingly provides.

Moans and whimpers of his name fall from your lips, attempting to catch your breath as you feel his tongue continuing to lick over your dripping cunt. It’s slow, and tender, collecting every last drop you have to offer him as he removes his fingers from your core.

He hums, chest rumbling pleasantly as his thumb rubs over the back of your one hand held in his. His other is settled on your upper thigh, resting just below your hip to help steady you on the rocks. 

Pulling his head away, he licks his lips, and you can see your essence dripping down his chin as it shines beneath the light of the day.

“I love making you come for me,” his voice escapes him as no more than a content growl, turning his head to place tender kisses upon the skin of your inner thighs. “True solace resides here, between the heat of your legs.”

Your expression softens, a gentle sigh of his name falling from your lips.

“I never want you to stop calling out my name,” he breathes, the ghost of his breath tickling the skin of your thigh.

Carefully, he lets your legs fall from his shoulders, and back into the water of the pool below. The grip he has on your one hand loosens, and he stands back to his feet. His touch trails up your sides as he leans over you, pressing his lips to yours and kissing you deeply.

You hum against his mouth, arms wrapping around his shoulders as your fingers thread back through his hair.

Gently, he pulls away, resting his forehead against your own.

“Are you okay?” His tone is soft, staring deeply into your eyes as he holds himself above you for the moment.

A tender smile pulls at your lips. “More than okay.”

He returns your loving smile.

“Do you want to-“

“Make love to me, Mingi,” your gaze holds nothing but the most fond of looks as you bring your hand around to cup the side of his face, staring deeply into his eyes. “Make love to me as you claim me as yours.”

There is no denying the hitch in his breath as he stares down at your form, naked and spread out beneath him. His gaze searches your own, and all he can see staring back at him is the same tenderness that he knows is held within his own. There is no uncertainty in your eyes, nor hesitance, and the way you soon pull him in closer only serves to make his heart swell with even more love for you inside of his chest.

“I would love nothing more,” his reply is gentle, his fingers coming up to trace over the side of your cheek.

Taking a moment now, Mingi commits this beautiful scene to memory for years to come.

Pushing himself slightly upwards, Mingi lets his hands trail over the length of your body. Love pours from his gaze and into his touch as he looks down at you. A love that he can see, that he can feel returned in your own.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he glances something that has his heart skipping a beat inside of his chest at the mere thought of. Briefly, his eyes flit from your face, to the side, and back before he’s cupping your cheek in the palm of his hand once more.

“I want you to wear something for me while I make love to you, Beloved.” He licks his lips. “Can you- can you do that for me?”

Your eyes search his face for a moment, trailing all over his features as you lift a hand to rest on top of his own.

Slowly, you nod your head, a soft ‘okay’ falling from your lips.

Carefully, Mingi reaches his hand out above you, grasping something in his grip. Your eyes track his every movement, and the moment he pulls back, your breath hitches slightly in your throat.

There, in his grip, rests that crimson sash, stained fresh with the blood of all those who had ever wronged you.

Your lips part in awe, heart swelling at the meaning behind his request. Not to mention the fact that this band is his most prized possession, and now he wants you to wear it during such an intimate moment shared between the two of you.

Mingi helps you sit up, his hand on your back to steady you as you grip onto his shoulders. He can hear how fast your heart is beating, and he knows that his is doing the exact same.

You tilt your head up to meet his gaze, and your expression says it all. No words need to be said between you as a deep understanding passes over one another. One that says you care about him, and he cares about you, both in your own ways. You will let him take care of you, just as you’ve always wanted. Just as you’ve always deserved.

Leaning forward, Mingi presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. He allows his lips to linger, his eyes falling shut as he absolutely revels in this moment here with you. There is so much wants to tell you, so much he wants to show you, but for now, he’ll start with this.

“I love you, My Blossom,” Pulling away, Mingi makes sure to stare deeply into your eyes. “So much.”

A smile tugs at your features, tender and loving. “As I love you, My General.”

“Mingi.” The corner of his mouth quirks upwards as corrects you. He shifts forward, securing that sash carefully around your forehead. “For you, it’s always Mingi.”

The sound of the fabric tightening as it’s tied reaches your ears, but the knot is anything but. He ensures that band is securely around your forehead, eyes shining with nothing but admiration and awe as he pulls away to stare at you. 

Slowly, his fingertips trace back down over the curve of your cheeks, wrapping his arms around your back. He draws you in closer as you part your legs for him, letting him press himself flush against your chest.

Your hands slide down the front of his torso, eyes following in their wake as you take the time to fully admire him. You cannot help the way your tongue comes out to wet your lips, stomach flipping pleasantly as the realization that he is yours settles over you.

You smile.

“If I hurt you-“

“You won’t.” Your voice comes out firmly, gaze darting back up to meet his own. “I trust you.”

Mingi’s breath catches in his throat, and his heart skips a beat inside of his chest. Your words mean everything to him in this moment, and he swears to never break that trust for as long as you both shall live.

As he stares deeply into your eyes, you know that he won’t, either.

Scooting closer to the edge of the rock you sit on, you manage to wrap your legs around Mingi’s waist. The way you pull him in closer in such a way only causes a smile to tug at his lips, his hands sliding down your sides and settling lightly on your waist.

“Hold onto me, Beloved,” he says lowly, his hands shifting to grasp your ass and lift you slightly towards him.

Immediately, you comply, your arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders as he pulls you into him.

His hold is gentle as he walks himself backwards and into the centre of that spring. The pool deepens, the water now coming up to about his chest height, but still, he carries you, making sure your head, and that sash, stay dry.

Carefully, he adjusts you so that his one hand is supporting you beneath your ass, while the other reaches down between the two of your bodies. He takes his cock into his hand, pumping himself a few times before lining the tip up with your entrance. He takes the liberty to drag the head of his cock through your folds, bumping over your clit a few times as he meets your gaze.

“Tell me you want this,” his words are a bit desperate, eyes pleading as he holds you both still, waiting for that final confirmation to fall from your lips. “Tell me you want me.”

Your heart swells in your chest, warmth flooding your veins as you cup his face in both of your hands. Your eyes shine with nothing but love and admiration, desire swirling deep within your irises as you hold his gaze. The fact that he still waits, the fact that he’s been so gentle and caring with you this whole time, only proves to solidify your answer.

“I want this, Mingi,” the words are but a tender whisper on your lips. “I want you.”

Mingi’s heart simply flutters at your admission, and he doesn’t waste another moment before slowly letting you sink down on his cock. He’s nothing but tender, and oh, so, careful as he pulls you down only so far before lifting you off of him again, repeating the process as he pushes deeper and deeper into you each time.

The warmth of your cunt makes his head spin, and with every inch that he sinks further into your tight walls, he finds it harder and harder to control himself. Yet still, he does. 

For your sake.

Your hands dig into the skin of his shoulders, clinging to him tightly as he stretches you out. You can feel yourself clenching around him with each delicious inch that stretches you out, eyes nearly rolling once he finally sheathes himself fully into your tight heat.

His arms are around you, holding you flush against his chest as his brow furrows. Small pants escape him, low moans spilling from his lips each time you shift slightly above him.

“You feel like paradise around me, Beloved,” he drawls out huskily right beside your ear. “Like you were made for me.”

A soft gasp slips passed your lips as he shifts beneath you, clenching around him as you feel his cock pulse deep within you.

“So wet,” he coos, nuzzling his face into the side of your neck. “So warm.”

“For you,” you breathe out, and you hear the way a choked moan escapes him. “All because of you.”

This time, there’s no mistaking the moan that falls passed his lips. His chest rumbles with a low, pleased growl, his lips finding purchase on your skin.

“Feel how hard you make me, Blossom?” He hums, tongue darting out to lave over your pulse. “Feel how well you let me fill this tight little pretty pussy of yours?”

He gives a tentative grind of his hips into your own, and your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head.

“Yes,” you moan out, tossing your head back as you tighten your hold around him. “Feel so good filling me, Min.”

You emphasize your words by clenching around him, hearing a choked gasp of your name fall from his lips.

“You are my everything,” he whispers, one hand shifting to grab at your ass and squeezing the flesh appreciatively. Again, he rolls his hips up into your own. “My Beautiful, Beloved, Blossom.”

This time, it’s his turn to emphasize his every word with a roll of his hips into you, his voice coming out as no more than a low growl. His opposite hand comes up to cradle the back of your head, bringing your lips to his in a desperate, but searing kiss.

Slowly, but surely, he begins a languid pace, rolling his hips up into yours as he holds onto you just as tightly as you cling to him. Each movement is precise, letting you feel his devotion in the way he brings his hips up to meet your own, and pouring every ounce of love that he can into the way his cock fills your tight little hole.

Low hums and soft sighs fall from your lips, his name gracing your tongue with every gentle thrust he gives you. Your arms wrap around his back, nails tracing lightly over his skin and leaving marks of your own in their wake.

A pleased rumble shakes his chest, and he begins to snap his hips a little firmer into you. The way you body bounces with each thrust captivates him, and he drinks in every expression of pleasure you give him eagerly, committing them all to memory.

A choked cry of his name parts your lips as the tip of his cock brushes against that tender spot inside of you. Adjusting his hold on you, he makes sure to hit that spot with every thrust, grinding his hips into your own each time.

That red sash rests like a crown upon your head, and as Mingi glances your ethereal form beneath the light of the morning sun, his heart feels close to bursting. His pace begins to quicken, low rumbles shaking his chest with every move he makes. The way he can feel you clenching around him has his cock twitching deep within you, hands desperately clinging onto you as he pulls you into him to meet his every thrust.

“I love you,” The words are but a strained whisper, falling from his lips repeatedly with every snap of his hips into your own. 

Only admiration and the deepest, sincerest form of love can be seen in his gaze as he stares intently into your own, captivated by the glorious sight that is you, falling apart on his cock.

You fingers thread through his hair, pulling his lips to yours for another searing kiss. Eagerly, you swallow his moans, just as you offer up your own to him. 

You can feel that familiar tightness building within you, close to snapping at the skillful way he fills you with his cock. No movement is wasted, and the way you feel him squeeze your ass again has you tightening your legs around his waist.

Parting from your lips with a gasp, Mingi’s eyes flutter shut. Not even a moment later, he’s letting his head fall forward, burying his face into the side of your neck.

His lips find purchase over your pulse, sucking lightly at the skin there before laving his tongue eagerly over the spot. His breathing comes in jagged pants, hot breath fanning over your flesh as low growls begin to escape him with every exhale he makes.

“Touch that pretty little clit for me, Blossom,” he breathes out onto the skin of your neck. “Touch that pretty little clit, and make yourself come all over me.”

Another moan of his name slips passed your lips, and you do as told. Almost instantly, your hand slides from his back down to your clit, flicking over the sensitive nub with the tips of your fingers.

You clench hard around him, a desperate whine escaping you as you nearly fall right over the edge.

Gently, the hand he has supporting the back of your head tilts you to expose your neck fully, his pace never once faltering as he laves his tongue over your pulse once more. 

Your eyes flutter shut, and with one final flick over your clit, you come, screaming his name.

The instant Mingi feels you coming around him, his fangs sink into the tender flesh of your neck. An animalistic snarl reverberates against your throat, his hips snapping into yours before he stills within you. The hand he has gripping your ass pulls you flush against him as he spills deep inside of you, clinging onto you as desperately as you cling to him.

Your whole body shudders in his hold, the euphoric feeling of your orgasm only intensified by the feeling of his fangs in your throat. You never expected for it to be this intense, and it takes you several long minutes to calm down, whimpering with each small ministration against you. Even the water is starting to become too much against your skin, every feeling intensified and making your shake in overstimulation.

Slowly, you begin to feel something wet and hot dragging itself along the skin of your neck. Pleased rumbles vibrate against your chest as you catch your breath, and finally, your vision returns. Blinking at few times, you focus in on that redcap before you, noticing how he pulls away with red dripping down his chin.

He licks his lips, the most heartwarming smile tugging at his features as he strokes a hand tenderly over your spine.

“My Blossom,” he hums, gaze shining with nothing but tender love and affection as he looks at you. “How beautiful it is to watch you bloom.”

Happy tears well in your eyes, burying your face into his chest as he slowly walks you both back over to the edge of the spring. Your arms hold onto him tightly, humming as you nuzzle into him. You can still feel his cock buried deep inside of you, and it only serves to make this moment that much more special, for you know that he wishes to be part of you for as long as he possibly can.

Despite the bite you’ve just received, your neck doesn’t hurt. Instead, you feel a warmth blooming deep within you. A feeling of tremendous comfort and safety wraps itself around you like a blanket, and with the way he begins to gently wash the both of you off, you know that this feeling resting deep inside of you is pure and true.

Carefully, he unties that band from around your head, placing it gently to the side.

“You did so well for me, Beloved,” he coos, his hand tracing over the contours of your spine. “How I love you so. Very much.”

You can only offer him a hum in return, fatigue suddenly overwhelming you as you rest in his arms. The feeling of his cock slipping out of you makes you moan softly, clenching around nothing as he continues to clean you both up.

“Get some rest, My Beloved.” He chuckles lowly, cradling your head in his one hand. “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

And so you do, falling asleep in the arms of the one who loves you most.

***

The moment you wake, Mingi is there. He brings you water, making sure you’re well hydrated before feeding you some food slowly. Most importantly, he makes sure that you’re okay. 

Gently, he rubs your muscles, working over any soreness you might have from the events that took place earlier in the day. He even goes so far as to kiss over every single inch of your skin, stating that he wants to make good on his every promise from earlier.

The rest of the day is spent like this, with Mingi taking care of you and you resting in each others arms. He is at your beck and call, and as evening comes, hues of red, orange, pink, and yellow painting the sky, he pulls you in even closer.

Never is he going to let you go. Never does he want to.

Beneath the light of the stars, Mingi makes love to you a second time. He holds your hand tightly in his own, interlacing your fingers together as he makes you cry out his name to the heavens.

Always, it’s all about you.

He treats you with a tenderness you never knew possible for someone like you. A tenderness which you gladly lose yourself to each and every time he offers it, and when you look at him, you realize that everything will all turn out okay.

He’s here now, and he’s not going anywhere.

The next morning is spent wrapped in each other’s embrace. 

The soft sounds of birds fill your ears, light filtering in through the breaks in the trees. Gently, leaves sway in the breeze, filling the clearing with the pleasant scents of nature. Your head rests on Mingi’s chest, and you cannot help but glance those two stems of spider lilies beside you, laying almost parallel to you and him.

A smile pulls at your features.

“Good morning, Blossom,” Mingi’s deep voice manages to pull you out of your thoughts. You turn to look up at him, noticing him already staring down at you with nothing but love shining within his gaze. “Did you sleep well?”

A soft hum escapes you as you settle your head back onto his chest, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat. “I always sleep better when you are near.”

You can hear the way his heart simply flutters inside of his chest at your words, a content rumble echoing around the clearing.

“Then, it’s a good thing I love holding you so close,” he grins, pulling you impossibly closer into him.

You hum, rolling on top of him, but saying nothing in response. Simply, you revel in this moment, and his touch, curling around him as his hand begins to gently stroke over your spine.

His eyes catch on that fresh bite mark on your neck, the indents from his teeth shining under the light of the morning sun. Another pleased rumble shakes his chest, and softly, he brings a hand upwards. His fingers trace lovingly over the claim on your neck, revelling in the way you positively shiver beneath his touch.

“Can I-“ your voice comes out a bit small, uncertain. “Do I get to give you one of my own?”

Mingi freezes beneath you, his eyes going wide. You can audibly hear the way his breath catches, feeling his heart begin to thunder against your chest as you press up against him.

“You- you want to give me a claim of your own?” His gaze shines with something akin to hope, love and admiration swirling deep within.

“Is that not how it works?” You tilt your head slightly, your brow furrowing as you worry you may have misunderstood him.

“No, no, it- it is.” He inhales a shaky breath through his nose. “I just- I didn’t think you’d wish to-“

“Of course I would want to.” You smile at him softly. “Claims are mutual, are they not?”

His eyes shine with unshed tears, happiness swelling inside his chest and causing his veins to flood with pure ecstasy. Tingles erupt under his skin wherever you touch, and he finds that he cannot get enough.

Slowly, he begins to nod his head. 

“Yes.” He swallows the building emotions in his throat. “They are.”

You shift slightly above him, pulling yourself closer to his face so you can stare down at him tenderly. “Then, will you let me claim you, Mingi?”

He blinks, the first of his tears spilling from the corners of his eyes and falling down to the earth to stain its soil with his happiness.

“I would love nothing more.”

The corners of your lips tug upwards as you lean in to press them against his own. His one hand comes up to cradle the side of your face, the other settling onto your lower back and holding you steady over him. 

You pull away to stare deeply into his eyes, and Mingi tilts his head to the side, exposing the side of his neck for you.

“Claim me, Beloved,” his words are but a plea upon his lips. “I am yours.”

Slowly, you lean into him. Your lips trail a path from his jawline all the way to the side of his neck, nipping gently at the skin with your teeth. You can hear his breathing deepen, tightening his grip ever so slightly over you as you dart your tongue out to lave over his pulse.

“It’s just a- just a bite, right?” You ask, breath ghosting against his skin.

“Yes,” His reply is airy, tilting his head further to the side as a small, desperate whine escapes him. “Just a bite.”

Teasingly, you drag your teeth over the side of his neck, and you can feel him shiver beneath you. A moment later, you clamp them against his skin, but not enough to be considered a proper bite.

“Blossom,” he pants out, pleading with his eyes despite the fact that you cannot see his face in this instant. “Blossom, please-“

His words get cut off by the feeling of you sinking your teeth into his neck.

A loud moan escapes him, his hips jerking upwards as his eyes squeeze shut. His head nearly gets tosses back at the pleasure that courses through his veins, skin heating beneath your touch as you slowly detach your lips from the side of his throat.

Pulling away, you hold yourself above him. You spare a glance down at his face, noticing how his lips are parted and his eyes are glazed. His chest heaves with every breath as he takes in the sight above him that is you, his blood staining your lips bright red.

The second you dart your tongue out to taste the crimson substance adorning your skin, you moan. Almost instantly, your face buries itself back into the side of his neck, laving at the fresh mark you’ve just given him.

Mingi groans in response, his hands finding purchase on your hips, guiding you to begin grinding over his semi-hard cock. The call of your name is so tender from his lips, that you swear he believes you to be some form of divinity.

In his mind, you are.

The rest of that morning is spent in each others arms, proclaiming your love for one another as you lose yourselves to the pleasure the other provides. Never has anything ever felt so pure in your lives, each desperate for the other as you claim one another over, and over, and over again.

By the time you’ve both finished, the sun is cresting high in the sky. You spend the afternoon cleaning each other up, and by the time the early evening rolls around, you’re finally ready to continue on your journey back home.

Those two stems of spider lilies rest in your hands, and you eagerly take a step forward in the direction of the keep. Only, your right leg gives out on you as soon as you put any sort of pressure on your ankle.

Luckily, Mingi is right there to catch you before you fall. Just as he always will be.

“I’m sorry, Beloved,” his eyes shine with slight remorse. “I overdid it.”

“Not at all.” Immediately, you shake your head. “I can walk.”

Again, you go to take another step, much to Mingi’s protest. Yet, again, your leg gives out on you.

Before you can say anything, Mingi is scooping you into his arms.

“Get some rest, Blossom,” he smiles down at you, placing a gentle kiss onto your forehead. “I’ve got you.”

Your one brow quirks, almost playfully. “I thought you said you weren’t going to carry me?”

Mingi laughs, beginning the final trek home to the keep.

“I’m not carrying you,” he says lightheartedly, a smile tugging at his features. “Think of it as holding onto you while walking. There’s a difference.”

A giggle graces his ears as you curl into him, resting your head on his chest. “Sure there is.”

“I’d carry you to the ends of the earth if it meant getting to see you every day.” He replies earnestly, glancing down at you with such a loving look resting on his features.

“I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, Min,” you hum, nuzzling deeper into his chest.

A pleased rumble greets your ears, his grip tightening around you as he pulls you in even closer.

“Get some rest, Blossom,” he repeats his words from mere minutes earlier. “There’s not that much further to go. I’ll get us there safely, don’t you worry.”

The corners of your lips tug upwards in a soft smile. 

“I trust you, Min.” Your eyes flutter shut, already feeling the familiar pull of unconsciousness tugging at your mind as the steady rocking of each of his steps begins to lull you to sleep. “I love you.”

You fail to see the tender smile that pulls onto his own features, but you can hear his contentment clear in his voice all the same. 

“As I love you, My Beloved Blossom.”

***

Whispers are what rouse you from your sleep.

The sun creeps over the hills, its morning rays lighting up the sky as you blink your eyes open. Mingi had walked with you in his arms all through the night, managing to cover more ground as you slept. He could practically taste the stale air of the keep, the stones beckoning him home.

Getting closer with each step he takes is a somewhat large castle. Half of it lies in ruin, but the keep still stands almost defiantly amongst the rubble. It’s beautiful, yet tragic in a way, but it’s home. A home which you are grateful for, for you know it means Mingi will be there, too.

After all, he is now your home, just as you are his.

Lifting your free hand, you rub at your face. More and more hushed tones follow you as you rest in Mingi’s arms, most if not all, harsh in their musings of disbelief.

“Is that the human?”

“How is she still alive?”

“Never mind that, did he claim her?”

“It won’t mean anything."

“There’s a mark on his neck, too!”

The comments come one right after another, and they only cause you to curl deeper into Mingi’s chest. The implications behind most of them make your heart drop, and though you know that none of them are true where Mingi is concerned, you cannot help but to wonder about those other humans in this realm much unluckier than you.

“Enough!” Mingi’s voice booms out, immediately silencing the gathering redcaps surrounding you. “If you have any issues with who I’ve chosen to imprint on, you may take up your grievances with me in a duel.”

Your breath catches slightly in your throat, curling in even closer into his chest as an eerie silence stretches on around you.

“If I catch any of you treating her with anything less than the utmost of respect, I will carve out your tongue, and feed it to the crows. There is no limit on what I will do to you, should you choose to harm her in any way.” Mingi’s sharp gaze looks over his gathered subordinates, his arms tightening over you almost subconsciously. “Do I make myself clear?”

Immediately, the redcaps all straighten. “Yes, General.”

Mingi grunts, turning back to continue making his way through the keep.

“Dismissed.”

You don’t have to peek over his shoulder to know that the other fae have immediately obeyed his orders.

The rest of the day is spent with Mingi showing you around the keep. He takes you out back to an empty field, helping you plant that one red spider lily with him. The way he smiles at you when you turn to look up at him in awe says it all.

Finally, you’re home.

A few days pass, and you seem to have no incidents with the other redcaps. Things are a bit interesting at first, to say the least, with them not used to having a human around, let alone treating one with respect. However, they respect their General, and will obey his every command, and thus, they are respectful to you.

It’s only when you’re in your new bedroom, alone, do you feel a chill raise on the back of your neck.

“You should be dead.” 

A voice from the open doorway causes you to turn to see Windfel standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. A frown mars his features, only visible from the downturn of his lips as that red flat cap is pulled low over his head.

You blink at him, tilting your head in inquiry as your brow furrows slightly.

“No, really,” he pushes himself off of the doorframe, beginning to stalk his way forward and into your room. “He should have killed you.”

You involuntarily take a step backwards at the sudden dark look in his eyes.

“He was supposed to kill you!” Windfel shouts, appearing before you in the blink of an eye and pinning you to the wall by your throat. “I should have just done it myself to get it over with, but I thought it would be fun to have the general go on a little hunt.”

Your heartbeat thunders in your ears, throat constricting as fear builds within your chest. All you can do is stare at the crazed redcap before you, struggling to free yourself from his grip as your vision begins to fade in the corners.

The hand around your throat tightens even further.

Tears line your eyes, spilling freely down your cheeks as you attempt to cry out for help. Mingi had been scouting the area outside the keep today, so if only you could just get enough air to fill your lungs to scream…

“You humans think you’re so fucking special,” Windfel spits, one of his claws tracing over the top line of your claim almost mockingly. “Seduce one fae, and you suddenly believe you’re untouchable.”

Your legs kick out uselessly beneath you, your right ankle throbbing as your lungs burn. With every moment that passes, you can feel yourself getting weaker and weaker, only being able to think of Mingi in what you believe to be your final moments.

A roar so deadly pierces the air, shaking the entirety of the keep. 

Within the blink of an eye, Windfel is torn away from you, his body being thrown through the window beside your bed. Mingi is beside you in an instant, hands shaking against your form as you heave air into your lungs. Fear, pure and unfiltered, rests in his gaze as he check you over gently, making sure that you’re okay before standing back to your feet.

“How did you…” your words trail off, coughing lightly at the pain speaking brings you right now.

“I could sense you,” Mingi responds, tightening his hold around you as he cradles you to his chest.

It is then that you feel him place a soft kiss over his claim on your neck.

A shiver caresses your spine as he helps you back to your feet. You can hear shouting coming from the courtyard below, and as Mingi leads you outside, your hand held in his own, you see him shift into every bit of that cold persona of the monstrous general you have come to love.

“What is the meaning of this?” His voice booms out across the courtyard, sharp eyes darting around at the gathered redcaps.

You notice Windfel being held back by both Lias and Darius, their claws sinking into his flesh unforgivingly. Blood drips down his features, pieces of broken glass embedded in his skin.

“You’ve gone soft, General,” Windfel spits, turning his hate filled eyes towards you.

Almost instantly, Mingi steps in front of you, blocking you from the other redcap’s sight.

“You purposely sent me on a hunt in hopes that I would kill her.” Mingi’s voice is but a low snarl on his lips, dangerous in every right. “I thought it was strange that you would take her to bathe. When the wild stream wouldn’t kill her, you had hoped that I would.”

An unbridled fury shines within Windfel’s gaze. However, it is only unmatched by Mingi’s own.

“That’s why you let her go.” Mingi’s eyes flash as he bares his fangs at the redcap before him. “Didn’t you?”

Windfel purses his lips, and his silence speaks volumes.

“Speak.” Mingi snarls out the command, the cadence of his voice causing some rubble to crumble to the ground at the side of the courtyard. “Your general asked you a question.”

You can see the surrounding redcaps backing up slowly from the other two, both Lias and Darius shoving Windfel to his knees before Mingi. The captain and the vice-captain under his command may be nefarious, but at least they are loyal. At least they understand respect.

A heaviness settles in the air between the two fae as Mingi towers over the smaller redcap, anger radiating off of him in waves. No one dares interfere in this matter, for they all know what will happen to them if they do. Their general is not afraid to make an example out of anyone.

“The bitch should have died.” Windfel spits. “If not at your hands, then at someone else’s.”

A deadly silence passes over the entire courtyard, and you notice both Lias and Darius suddenly flanking you on either side. It’s as if they’ve stepped towards you for your protection.

At the way you notice Mingi’s hands shaking in fists at his sides, you know this to be undoubtably true.

“Get up.” Mingi commands the fae at his feet, his voice leaving no room for arguments.

Windfel’s brow furrows, but he still does as told.

Little do you see the maniacal look that stretches across Mingi’s features.

“I accept your challenge.”

The entire courtyard goes silent, and you swear you could hear a pin drop. All the colour drains from Windfel’s face as he takes a step back in shock.

Slowly, you watch as Mingi unties that red sash from around his upper arm, wrapping it around his forehead and securing it into place. His claws unsheathe, and you swear all the redcaps around you stop breathing.

“My Beloved Blossom,” The sudden, gentle call of your name from Mingi catches your attention as he stands with his back facing you.

You take a deep breath in.