* 𝕷𝖆𝖈𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖘𝖆

heavily       private       ,       selective       ,       mutually       exclusive.          dedicated       to       the       study       of       the       wronged   woman       suffering   ,       suffering    ,        suffered.    and   the   lord   watched   as   the   lamb   cried   out   to   the   heavens   ,        weeping   as   he   did;   the   thorn   staked   through   the   lamb   continued   to   ache   ,       to   pulsate   to   the   beat   of   the   lambs   heart.   am   i   my   mother's   sacrifice?   mother's   hands   delivered     𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂-𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄   𝐆𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀   𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄     to   the   enemy   ,       and       turned   her   back.   heavily   inspired   and   influenced   by   𝐊𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐚   from   Kirikou   and   the   Sorceress.   vivid   imagery   of   religious   psychosis    &    fear   of   pagan   practices.   worshipped   by   bakuna   /   bakunya    (   she   /   her   ,        EST   ).     *    this   character   may   not   always   be   the   nicest.

(    A   STUDY   IN   .   .   .    )     𝒕𝒉𝒆   𝒆𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒕   𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓   ;     and   the   weight   of   blame   ,           i   am   my   mother's   mirror   ,        the   hatred   toward   the   daughter   that    “   𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙡𝙚   𝙩𝙝𝙚   𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧❜𝙨   𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙮   𝙖𝙣𝙙   𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝   ”   ,           the   lamb   to   be   sacrificed   ;        protect   the   lamb   until   the   day   of   sacrifice   ,         𝘛𝘏𝘌   𝘔𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙   𝘏𝘖𝘓𝘋𝘚   𝘛𝘏𝘌   𝘉𝘓𝘈𝘋𝘌   ;       𝑺𝑯𝑬   𝑰𝑺   𝑻𝑯𝑬   𝑩𝑳𝑨𝑫𝑬   ,           that   which   slits   my   throat   ,    o'   the   pain   drives   me   to   madness   ;        to   retribution   ;        to   hurt   as   i   have   been   ,        the   study   of   the   eldest   daughter   that   relies   on   no   one   ,     the   daughter   that   saves   herself   ,       a   fear   of   vulnerability   ,    trust    &    betrayal   ,        who   could   i   trust   when   my   own   mother   betrays   me   ,        𝐓𝐇𝐄     𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋       𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒       𝐎𝐍       𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘       𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃       𝐈𝐍       𝐓𝐇𝐄       𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒       𝐀𝐍𝐃       𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐒       𝐎𝐅    𝐓𝐇𝐄       𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘       𝐌𝐄𝐍   ,        dilapidated       churches       sing       dirges       in       the       wild       ,        𝙩𝙝𝙚   𝙙𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙚   𝙞𝙨   𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙙   𝙖𝙣𝙙   𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙚𝙨   𝙩𝙝𝙚   𝙗𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨   ,       𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣           𝙞❜𝙢           𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙣           𝙖𝙨           𝙩𝙝𝙚           𝙨𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙠𝙚           𝙩𝙤           𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧           𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙥           𝙖𝙣𝙙           𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨         𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙣   ,         𝔞   𝔴𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔫   𝔟𝔢𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔶𝔢𝔡   ,        how   beasty   her   anger;   her   rage.

I'm thinking a younger Fiona might be

black ofc because the narrative of such a katty character taking power that traced its roots from the very community it was built on, while giving commentary on how approximation to power is corrosive and how a perceived ally can be unreliable, often times downright harmful. it's necessary to show the reclamation of power and how she will pretty much uphold those lines of division, while claiming to be the next step in the line of a better future for the other girlies that look like her. I think it's nice to take Fiona's story and give it that depth. but anyways, I'm thinking her for a young Fiona.

an older Fiona:

and old Fiona:

Gianna has a hard time believing people are kind out of the kindness of their heart, because of what happened at her school. she went to a Catholic school called St. Grace’s school for girls. her mother had told them that she was a problem child that was spoiled and didn't listen to her. she, also, accused her of being ‘fast’. this was to the point that she often used to have her going to the gynecologist just to see if her hymen was still in tact. oddly enough it was something she lost fairly early in life due to her horse riding and her riding competitions her paternal grandparents would take her to.

Chanel did not believe her and genuinely whipped her black and blue with one of her daddy’s thick leather belts with a platinum buckle. she had the shape of a lopsided horseshoe bruise on her back for quite some time after. the sisters that taught at the school had some choice words to call her and the father that ran the school used to love their one-on-one time together. though he never attempted anything, the man was emotionally abusive and enjoyed psychologically torturing her with the threat of harm and . . . well, you know.

one of the the sisters, Sister Dorothea, was the only one that was genuinely quite nice to her after some time. she would bring her these little Italian lemon ricotta cake she'd make and they would eat it after class, when her mother inevitably has their driver pick her up almost two hours late. Dorothea was a genuine, kind lady that treated her well. it was Gianna’s trust in her that made her, eventually, open up about her home life and a bit about the private leasons the father gave her. the issue is that Gianna told her to say nothing to no one and Dorothea believed it only right to tell the father about it; she just believed he was strict and wanted the best for Gianna. in her mind, the father was of god and wouldn't do anything like that.

the father had a conference with Chanel and told her what she was going around saying. it was here that the father began making suggestions of priests that could expell this demon of lust and lies from her at just ten years old. she knew Dorothea is why her life seemingly became much worse. now, she acknowledges that Dorothea had tried to do right by her in some way, but, as a child, Gianna held a grudge at this perceived betrayal. the things these priests did in attempts to purge her of sin became increasingly worse and worse. she never spoke a word to the sister after and often glared at her in passing. she was outright hostile at some points.

Dorothea just thought it was a child's ire over their secrets being spoken to a parent and she expected it to ease eventually. no, it never did. Gianna still hates her to this day. someone who pretends to be kind for no reason other than the sake of it immediately makes her distrust them. she hasn't truly put her faith in anyone else after. it was then that she decided she would do for herself what someone else won't. this little act of defiance was part of the reason the father called the exorcist specialist that nailed a poisoned thorn into her.

Gianna has trust issues for anyone that attempts to be kind in the public eye or speaks in a certain manner. every sister and father she ever had the displeasure of meeting were all that false sort of kindness and righteousness. to this day, she will threaten religious figures with turning them inside out, out of a lingering dislike and fear of the harm they do to people and minority communities.

the way Gianna seems so well put together and actively goes after what she wants, confident and hard to reach. and she is, she is these things, but deep down she is absolutely a little girl that was not protected. a big thing in cultures of these kinds is for the little girl to be considered precious, to be kept hidden and kept safe from a world that is not kind to girls and to women, especially black women. all too often little black girls are the apple of they daddy's eye and her mother is often her very first opposition. often times these are cycles, but in her mother's case she's just been hard indoctrinated under an oppressive system built to control their people and control women.

her fear of hell and fire and damnation is what turned her into a monster. and I wish I could say in some way that she did what she did to try and save her own daughters soul, but she didn't. Chanel wanted to save herself and her son. she wanted to punish Gianna for being beautiful, for being her spitting imagine, for syphoning everything from her. genuinely, she was a hard pregnancy for Chanel and she weakened her bones, her teeth, and thinned out her hair. to her, Gianna stole everything. even if her son had been the one to do it, Chanel as a very male-centered woman wouldn't have thought of it as anything but a labor of love.

Chanel had an extremely good and affluent home life. she was a pampered princess, a little southern miss in their coven/family, genuinely. she just got into the world and ended up being heavily indoctrinated, fell into a pipeline all because she wanted to be a some rich man's model stay at home wife and mother. Chanel has always been extremely selfish, self-centered, and has only truly ever cared about her image. her son was her baby, and her daughter was competition for her husband's love, her son's inheritance, and competition as a woman / a sexual being.

CHANEL IS GROSS.

if Gianna had stayed, Chanel likely would have been accusing her of having an electra-complex of some sort and wanting her own dad or tempting her own brother. she wanted to see her daughter wait on her son hand and foot like a king. Chanel was sure at the time that she wanted to truly see her suffer, beatings and gaslighting her into believing she was unloved by everyone were not enough to satisfy her growing resentment. she just didn't think what happened would ever make her feel sorry — for herself, of course. she feels sorry for herself, not necessarily what happened or what she ended up doing to Gianna.

NOW , it hurts her that her daughter doesn't want anything to do with her or their family. it hurts her because all of her friends are talking about all the mother daughter things they do, being proud of them for their academic accomplishments, and realizing her friends have been doting on their mini-me’s the entire time. she's just realizing miraculously that not every mother hates their daughter. her own mother certainly didn't.

the love between a healthy mother-daughter pair is something most people don't realize is just as special as the one between a father and son. it's just too little to late after everything to attempt to have that for them. she believes she's had this mostly perfect life like every other woman in her country club and she can't even “show off ” her daughters accomplishments or know anything about her life to speak on. she's got to field questions about why her daughter isn't around, why no one has seen her, or why she hasn't said much about her. it's the only flaw in her “perfect” family to her.

it never occured to Richard there was anything wrong. Buck never said anything, because he didn't want his parents to suffer a divorce. Gianna was too afraid of what her mother would do to her. she did try once or twice, but who would believe a mother would do anything like that to their own child? it was ridiculous that it never amounted to anything but punishment for her, so she never tried again. though she was his precious little girl, she was not precious enough to look deeper into what happened.

mostly, it was because he was far too busy to be home most days and took frequent business trips to just about everywhere. he didn't have the time to be present. though she loves her daddy for the space he did try to make for her, she doesn't forgive him either for favoring her brother not too differently than her mother.

she got what she wanted from him ( and she wasn't allowed to keep it when he wasn't there ), but there is a different sort of attentiveness for who he believed without a doubt would be his heir. there was no true consideration for her as a person or her talents at the end of the day. she is an extension of his ownership of their family as a man and a doll to show how rich they are with how well-cared for and pampered she's supposed to be. no one had the time to know who she was, but everyone made the space to know who Robert Jr. is and what he'll be.

❝ cut look mighty nasty . . . ❞ the woman leaned her elbow on the bar and raised a brow, ❝ y’need help with that ? ❞ if anyone thinks she's offering out of the kindness of her heart, reality is less sunshine and rainbows; Gianna offers because she is bored and simply because she can, of course.

❝ gotta awful lotta bad juju on you, girl, ❞ The woman observed it as casually as if she'd commented on the weather. It didn't even disrupt her multitasking, the remark delivered so blasé that it almost sounded bored. Gianna gave a shrug. ❝ nutin' new, I suppose. ❞

❝ if you don't mind me askin’, what’re you hopin’ t’accomplosh wit’ chor research ? ❞ gloved hands buried in her furry boa, petting it like one might a little animal. she's just curious; it helps that she has plenty of time and plenty of money hm? ( for beatrix ♡ , @byramone )