Instead of my normal meditations and prayers, i decided to listen to Alan Watts today. I heard his lecture on finding yourself, and that really helped clear up alot of my existentialism. Basically if you say “I’m going to find myself” you’re actually throwing yourself away. You’re saying I don’t have a self and have to look for it when the opposite is true, you had everything that you need with you all along. I also watched one about fear. He opened up talking about scary movies and I thought he was going to promote using the delusion that your life is playing out on a movie before you or some shit, but instead he closed the lecture with the analogy that fear to a situation is like the warmth from a fire. As you get closer to the fire, you feel it getting warmer. You can’t tell yourself “I’m not going to feel the heat. I’m not going to feel it” then you will just be dissappointed you felt it, when its completely natural. Same goes for fear. Instead of telling yourself not to be afraid and focusing on what you should be, accept that you will feel fear and push forward.

“I’m afraid, and thats okay, but I’m still gonna do this anyway.”

Butterfly Tattoo