Unimpressed by Sandy's Knee Tattoos

also it’s not our earth, & they’re not even human, like she created her own races so she can make them however the fuck she wants!!! AND she didnt make everyone white, for example the illyrians!!

That her work is fiction does not erase the fact that it is AT BEST insensitive, and honestly mostly just flat out racist. It’s not “her” worldbuilding if the only culture it contains is bits and pieces stolen from real-world cultures, and it is outright disgusting of her to give these things that carry so much cultural weight for poc to her pasty white characters.

As for the Illyrians being poc,,, that’s questionable at best. It’s never explicitly stated in canon, and being tan does not equal, nor has it ever equalled, being of color. White people can be tan. Rice was PASTY white before SJM realized (or was told) she needed to have more diversity.

And the existance of characters of color does not mean that the representation is any good. The Illyrians are explicitly stated to be a race of violent, misogynistic rapists and murderers. If you think that’s good representation,,, you’re a lost cause.

Anyway, let’s do a little tally, shall we?

Nehemia: dead

Sorcha: dead

Nesryn: sidelined for like 4 books

Sartaq: see Nesryn

Yrene: not a poc. Golden is no better than tan as a descriptor. Also she’s ableist garbage who exploited Chaol’s disability for a teaching moment without his consent or even any kind of forewarning.

Elide: eh??? Maybe?? Who fucking knows, her name isn’t from the Southern Continent.

Manon: do I need to tell you why this is fucking bullshit. Also she doesn’t fucking count bc that is a shitty retcon of the HIGHEST order.

Amren: Asian, I guess. Also described as being two steps from ugly, which is incredibly offensive considering how not a single one of the white characters is anything less than radiantly gorgeous. Also there is literally not a fucking squidge of worldbuilding for the Asian fae. None.

Helion: was black, suddenly retconned as South Asian. I feel like this should already be obvious, but poc are not interchangeable.

Tarquin: the slutty brown bisexual, because clearly we need that trope /sarcasm

So literally all the characters of color are 1) dead, 2) fake, 3) racist stereotypes, or 4) sidelined. Wow, what incredible representation. /sarcasm

Stans really do not know how to read things written by POC in fandom, do they? How many times do POC need to explain that something is racist or offensive before we stop being ignored, ridiculed, and gaslighted? In what world do you think it is okay to dictate to POC that we are wrong about something being racist or culturally appropriative when we are talking about OUR OWN FUCKING REP? Maybe in SJ/M’s.

Cultural appropriation of actual cultures of marginalized people directly leads to fetishization, erasure, and violence against POC, so yes, we DO care if she uses certain cultures and puts them on white people like so many other white authors. Even if she didn’t MEAN to be offensive, that doesn’t matter. Intent is not effect. Your kind of attitude is the same one held by white people who think it’s cute to dress up as a ridiculous caricature of one of us for Halloween. How about instead if investing your energy into telling us we’re wrong and we need to sit down and shut up, use it to understand what the fuck our cultures are about, what cultural appropriation is and why it’s wrong, and listening to POC when they tell you something is harmful to them.

nehemia deserved better

manon and the thirteen deserved better

elide lochan deserved better

i am repulsed. i hope we can usher in a future of better representation, better storytelling, and overall better stories.

SPOILERS FOR K0A AHEAD:

So it looks like literally everyone gets married (el0rcan, lysaedi0n, man0rian)

Rip our m.alide and cha0rian souls

Irene is pregnant and will probably live out her days as a housewife who occasionally heals people

Alien travels through a wyrdgate or smth and passes through velaris

While passing through, she sees failure who is pregnant and a hawt mail (probably riceman)

She also passes through…wait for it… NEW FUCKING YORK

Aedi0n tosses a naked, barefoot L.ysanda into snow because he gets mad at her about Alien’s plan she agreed to

All of the 13 except Man0n die (yup, even the lesbians)

Conal dies (he’s moc)

There is el0rcan and man0rian smut (I wouldn’t be surprised if there was also rowalien smut)

From what I’ve seen in the excerpts, during the el0rcan smut, L0rcan has a foot fetish and does some kinky shit to E.lide’s feet (not sure about this, but E.lide was moaning or smth while L0rcan was holding her foot so…)

All of Alien’s scars are erased because we can’t have any white, cishet characters that *gasp* have flaws

Neither Alien nor D0rian die

None of the white, straight main characters die

Abraxos the dragon…has a mate (yes, you read that correctly) And the mate is Asterin’s dragon

It’s such a big yikes! Not only is it canon that fae children are extremely rare and that’s apparently a huge part of why the mating system is so gross, but also in AC0WAR Faerug said she didn’t want to have a child for another few decades or centuries. Now this??? SJ/M has no respect for her own canon if it gets in the way of shoving her faves’ truuuuue love in our faces. It reminds me of the “mates can’t hurt each other” thing as well. Even though Failsand and Ratalien are mated couples, they have definitely hurt each other in many ways.

The author of this article talks about how curious she is about the mythology and the other countries in the T0G world, and how this curiosity is a good thing. As if Sarah is actually going to ever expand on the religious worldbuilding or mention the other countries as anything more than plot devices.

What Sarah does in her books is not cleverness. It’s laziness. There is a difference between revealing plot points slowly but surely and just never expanding on them at all.

While reading a good fantasy book, you should be more like this:

And less like this:

IM SORRY IM BACK BUT LIKE IN CC SHES GONNA BE STEALING FROM THE FUCKING BIBLE AND MAKING EVERYONE A FUCKING ANGEL/ASSASSIN/QUEEN/SHAPESHIFTER/FUCKINGALLPOWERFULGODDESS OR SMTHN AS A CHRISTIAN IM LITERALLY SICKENED WHY CANT SHE JUST MAKE HER OWN GODDAMN CHARACTERS FOR ONCE WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO STEAL AND COPY AND PASTE EVERYONE IM ENRAGED

“I can’t wait to introduce readers to Bryce, its heroine, who I think would be very good friends with Aelin and Feyre. The world of Crescent City is more modern than those in my previous series (basically, if the Court of Thorns and Roses and Throne of Glass worlds had modern-day technology), but it’s still chock full of magic, brooding warrior-types, and mysterious and deadly creatures.” SHE WILLINGLY CHOSE TO DESCRIBE IT AS THIS KMS IT’S EXACTLY LIKE EVERY SINGLE OTHER BOOK SHE’S WRITTEN

Heyo! So I went and scrolled back through the CCity board and I think this is the pic you’re talking about:

Which is weird and ironic because this looks like it should be Alien. Like it fits into T0G’s aesthetic perfectly because SJ/M has no concept of cohesive worldbuilding or originality. But yes, you’re so right about SJ/M writing Bruce into yet another Perfect And Beloved Female ProtagonistTM. I’m already predicting that Ron and Fury are going to be her sidekicks, possibly Juniper as well (but I think there’s a very good chance Juniper will either be her rival or the fridged best-friend). I also see Potluck being a potential point in a love-triangle, which is absolutely pointless because SJ/M has no grasp of how to create convincing romantic tension. Also I hate love triangles on principle. 

As for stealing from the Bible, I kind of have mixed opinions on this. Mess is apparently Jewish, which means she has a claim to Biblical mythology and it can’t really be considered appropriation. Add to that the fact that modern Christianity is built on a foundation of imperialism, and you end up with this huge body of mythology that in a way demands that people make references to or base stories on it. Lots of good stories have Christian mythology worked into them, in the same way that a lot of stories reference Greek and Roman mythology. SJ/M’s problem is that she does it badly. She’s using the fact that angel/demon stories have a built-in body of common knowledge and lots of rich imagery associated with them to avoid having to do the work of building the aesthetics and the mythos herself. That’s why her fae fall so flat–for fae to be interesting, they need to be inhuman, whimsical, sinister, haunting–and SJ/M fails in every regard. It’s not that she isn’t capable. There’s a few bits where she describes the lesser fae and they are convincingly otherworldly. But the high fae aren’t even elves. They’re literally just immortal humans with pointy ears and raging perma-boners.

me:

Poor, ordinary protagonist becoming the king of whatever and the greatest warrior the world has ever seen

FAES AND NONSENSE MAGIC (I will accept Faes only if they are truly well written and mysterious as they should be)

Surprise, you are a king/queen, even tough you know less than Jon Snow about what means to rule a kingdom

A prophesized mesianic saviour (again, unless it is done truly well)

Deux ex machina in the last battle against the Dark Forces That Want To Conquer The World

The kickass heroine who is considered a strong character and the embodiment of feminism only bc she kickass and despises other girls, while every man she meets falls for her.

Love stories between teen girls and thousand year old immortal men

Daenerys Targaryen stereotypes

10. No. More. Elves. Unless you can make them original without plagiarizing Tolkien (and these are all dependant on whether or not you make it original).

11. When royals screw over their kingdom by “marrying for love” and marry somehow who offers nothing to their country and knows nothing about ruling.

12. Mentors. Old, young – nope.

13. Why are the kings always evil? Always? Give me more Aragorns (not literally – stop plagiarizing Tolkien).

14. The Smart Prince who has a bad relationship with Gruff King Father.

15. Irresponsible royals who fantasize about running away from their kingdom and going where “no one knows their name” as if being poor is a bed of roses.

But let’s keep paying

17. The all time “I’m not like the other girls trope”

18. The evil queen who is evil because she has sex in order to get what she wants (Cersei Lannister is unique, so pls stop)

19. The main Hero and his pointless friend who is there only to support the Hero (Sam Gamgee, I am sorry if the bad authors who thought they were better than Tolkien wrote versions of you that have no relevance to the plot)

20. The brooding alpha male immortal perfect boyfriend who is obsessive and abusive but you must love him regardless

21. Sneaking into the Dark Lord unbreakable castle (but not so unbreakable for us) to steal something from him/to kill him

22. Main Hero and his gang of friends going on an adventure

24. Magic is outlawed

25. Evil or mysterious, brooding bad-boy half-brothers (who usually have a thing for the main girl)

26. The male protag has jet-black hair, pale skin, and blue (or green) eyes

27. Variations of orcs that we all know are just orcs

28. Protag finds out they must “make the ultimate sacrifice” (but it’s cool cuz they come back)

31. INCEST (bc it seems that incest became a real trend especially among the YA) (AND a romantic relationship between two cousins is still incest)

32. The perfect bad guy who is actually good and a lovely feminist plus his gang: his two bros, the minority girl and the blonde girl.

33. The Way the love interest’s despicable actions are excused bc tragic past

34. Every character has a tragic backstory

35. Every character is orphan

36. The Way the protag becomes a Jesus Christ retelling

37. ASSASSINS. For the love of God, don’t write assassins if you don’t know how.

38. Star-crossed lovers and magical Bonds between them, so the reader will know for sure they are star-crossed lovers

39. The Elves/Faes who behave just like horny teenagers are not Elves/Faes, just the embodiment of some weird fetishes

40. Game of Thrones-esque backround, unless you really come with an original concept

42. Fantasy maps that are all identical to each other in shape and layout (we have the smoky or misty gray mountains, the only desert in the entire world, somewhere very snowy, an emphasis on “The North” bc GRRM, the “bad place” from whence all evil comes)

43. Dreadful, on-the-nose location names (“The Frozen Wastes” 😒)

44. Undeveloped magic systems based on elemental abilities

45. Perfect coronation scene

46. Dwarves ripped straight from Tolkien

47. The kingdom’s colors are red and gold–excuse me, crimson and gold

48. You better believe there’s going to be something involving wolves or lions, be it a country emblem or a character’s trademark

50. The enemies will wear black. This is a must. (I laughed so hard when the Valg changed Rifthold’s colors to black to show how utterly evil they are)

51. Wraiths will exist in some form or other

52. Adults are thick-skulled obstacles who don’t know the first thing about warfare or running kingdoms because only our teenage protagonists can be smart

55. RIPPED-OFF LINES

56. RIPPED-OFF PLOTLINES

57. The villainizing of a love interest to make room for the new love interest, instead of letting those two characters just fall out of love and break up

58. Celtic names and French names and Hebrew names belonging to characters from the same country bc the world-building just sucks

59. Unique features such as silver-gold hair, turqoize/purple eyes I mean we don’t want Galadriel and Daenerys clones

60. Any magical power related to fire/light anu sort of that

62. Tavern brawls

63. The men are 6ft tall, brooding, with rippling muscles and swords strapped to their backs (no other body type exists unless they are old and withered or old and indulgent). They probably also have not-so-dark dark secrets.

64. All “good queens” are flawless and motherly

65. Sword-wielders are inherently brutish and archers are inherently graceful

66. It’s raining at night and the characters must stay in a dingy, shifty tavern/inn (seriously, always)

67. Fairies exist, but that’s it. They have no relevance.

68. There will be a convoluted fantasy battle with next to no strategizing that feels like it came right out of a video game.

69. Undeveloped polytheistic version of Catholicism with deities, temples, and priests, but no actual teachings or traditions.

78. The politics of 1200s and the hygiene of 2000s

79. The Dark Lord has a dark fortress in some dark mountains

80. Huge spiders (they are bad) (Jesus, Melkor and Sauron will be angry bc you stole their pets)

81. Huge Eagles (they are good) (Manwë will be pretty pissed-off bc you stole his pets)

82. Dragons (either good or bad) (You really need to be original with this one) (AAALSO, wyverns are still Dragons)

83. Some wicked flying creatures similar to the Nazgùls and their fell beasts that are basically the Nazgùls and their fell beasts

84. The Shire-like village, bordered against the wide world outside (Tolkien was unique in describing the smallfolk life and how an epic adventure physically change them, so leave it)

85. The epic war in the last book which usually lasts 3 pages at most

87. An emotional moment to show the stakes are rising when the character must part ways with a beloved animal (horse, dragon, or dog).

88. If dragons are good, they act like dogs or cats and are basically all copies of Toothless from HTTYD

89. An entire land composed solely of mindless, evil characters, whether they are creatures, humans, or dark elves of some sort

92. The super original power of entering into an animal’s mind

93. The creepy basement of the castle

94. The basic noble bitch who wants to marry a Prince

95. The word “smut” in a supposedly medieval setting

96. The Dark marks which represent some sort of evil magical power

97. The brainwashed soldlers of the Dark Lord

98. Every evil name consists of prefix “Mor” because of Mordor (see “Morath”)

99. The civil war/the rebellion which ended a royal dinasty

100. The Valinor-like places (see that Ve/laris shit)

102.) have the choice to kill or capture the villain, and always capturing them

105. The magic school

Also, 47 with the crimson and gold…. I mean, they’re stereotypical royal colors for a reason. There’s a lot of history behind why those colors are given that symbolism.

Also with fire magic/elemental magic, I’m going to guess you mean like, Alien’s bullshit fire magic where she can just raze a city or whatever the fuck. But like, elemental magic isn’t…. /bad/, and can actually be pretty interesting? Or just, yknow, a thing common people have instead of being EPIC SYMBOLISM.

Also i feel like half of the things that aren’t referring to character tropes aren’t really as common as this list makes them seem.

But since no one seems to have addressed this yet:

For 47 – certainly there’s symbolic meaning behind those colors, but it does tend to be the default for good guy kingdoms. Other colors have symbolic meaning as well, such as purple for royalty and majesty.

And elemental magic is wicked cool, but it does tend to pop up in every fantasy story I’ve read (at least in my experience). I’d just like more creativity.

Oh and:

Plus:

110. Token slutty bi

Rice: I’m the most powerful High Lord^TM and I’m such a huge feminist who wants to help everyone in my court

I/llyrian women: hey we’re being violently discriminated against based on our gender, could you possibly help us out and change the laws with your political influence?

lesser fae: we’re all dying in ransacked homes we can’t afford to fix because of this horrible war and life as we know it has completely changed, could you spare a thought to make a strategy that will help us recover?

M0r: I just want to find happiness and safety from my past abusers and to use my influence to help people avoid going through something like what I’ve been through, could you let me do my duty without interfering in a way that would undermine and horribly trigger me?

Rice:

(2/2) and this is fact - all this mentioned in a podcast she did in 2016 (mashable?) and other sources I have. With her advances and royalties from her books, she’s always had funds to do what she wants, so her writing about fryer being poor while sjm sits in her $3 million home in pa and drives her Porsche is absurd.

tbh i’ll never understand why sj/m wants to write about poor people. with how conceited she is, it stands to reason that she’d want to write about the “good things” in life (champagne, caviar, whatever the hell else rich people spend their money on), but i guess it just goes to show what her idea of conflict is: which boy do i bone? what do i do with all this money? (it’s interesting you have sources about this!) 

(this is going to be a long ass post)

Also : please take this with a grain of salt

How to write like s/jm :

First of all : one of your goals should be your quotes being used as “aesthetic” quotes/titles or what so ever

You know, like

Velvet wrapped steel

I will not be afraid

Fire breathing bitch queen

Okay. Now for real

This will be in a random order

For the characters : use faes or at least something that has wings. ‘cause it’s all about the wing span

Your characters should he white (cause they’re the only people who exist appearantly…)

You can make one or two characters poc, maybe even someone who’s gay or a lesbian.

Also : their personality should be all the same : territorial, toxic, one dimensional(i would put more things here but what else is there)

If you make a good characters(e. g. : Man0n, cha0l, D0rian, elidee, N/esta even caelena)on accident, don’t panic :ruin them

Which means : make them so OOC that you can’t even believe that they’re the same person from 2 books ago.

Also also : if you create good ships that you actually don’t even like (cha0l0rian, Mali/de) force them into realitionships with characters (no, they don’t need chemistry)

(you probably know who I’m thinking about)

Also : describe them only shortly (but the “villains” get a long paragraph on how ugly they are), like :goldblonde, tan, muscular, tall, broad, thin (no, even though they throw up a lot it won’t have any impact on anything), aqua blue eyes (maybe even green or violet).

World building : you don’t need a good one

Just describe it shortly and that’s it (probably medieval, but with hygiene of the 21 century)

If you like something from other media (books, series,…) change it a bit and use it.

Of course you could make a clever reference, but no.

Take a quote and change it a bit.

Villains (if you can call them that)

Don’t give them names( if you do, make them share a name [for the possibility of an “amazing” Crossover])

Don’t make them threatening at all.

They can’t do anything against or dear MC.

If they’re female they should burn in hell.

Females?

DISCUSTING.

If you have male “evil” characters give them a redemption arc.

Even if they’re abusive.

They’re male, they can’t do anything wrong.

But if theyre sexy and hawt.

If theyre ugly and old burn them too.

If you find something from a culture you like, use it

You may ask : should I base the culture in my book on an already existing one, should I make a twist with it?

No no no child : use what you want and fuck it.

Names

Any culture, any religion, any meaning.

Smash them together.

(even though you COULD research for good names that actually makes sense in the context of your book)

If you like a word, use - no, abuse it.

Like, MATE, MALE

Gentlemale

Em dashes

Do I need to say more?

Okay, this is everything for now.