Oh Life is Bigger

You did look nervous, but at least you didn’t mess up in front of that large crowd. Everything went smoothly. I like to think it is. Oh, I’m sure they are. They probably weren’t as lucky as me to end up with a guy as great as you. You’re like the best chocolate in the box. I can’t see my life without you in it, either. Which is why it’s going to be hard for me to get used to not having you there next to me every single night. It probably is. I mean, captain and senior class president? You’re just a leader all around. 

That's because it was for you. I couldn't mess up. So I'm great, eh? I like that. You're the only girl from our graduating class that can actually say she left school with a husband, though. You're the awesomest chocolate in the box. ..Now I want chocolate... It'll be okay, baby. Just remember, I'll come home to you soon. You think so? I guess I kind of am. That was a lot of hard stuff to balance....

You just got really lucky, huh? Cuddles are always in order, and you know I’m more than fine with that. 

I did. I really did. Then let's go cuddle.

You’re really important to me, too, you know. And to the kids. They’ll only ever have one guy to call daddy, and that’s you. Just don’t think about such things. They’ll never bring good thoughts. I love you, too. To the moon and back. 

I know I say this a lot, but I'm just really glad I found you. And now I think cuddles are in order.

Hunter, that’s never going to happen. We love you too much to ever forget about you. Don’t think about such things, that’s just crazy. I’ll never forget you, you can trust me. Like I said before, I’ll make sure to show the kids a picture of you every single day so that they won’t be scared of you when you return. We love you, too.

I'll try not to think about it. It would hurt so much if you forgot about me Lils. Because you're so beyond important to me. You're the love of my life, the reason I get up every morning, the only one for me. I just... I really love you, babe. So much more than I can even explain.

I highly doubt they’ll forget about you. Look, I’ll even help with keeping their memories fresh with showing them pictures of you and saying “Daddy” once in a while so they can catch on. Even though “Mommy” or “Momma” is going to be their first word, but I’ll be nice enough to teach them your name. Of course it doesn’t mean you don’t love them. I know for a fact you love those two as much as you love me, so you don’t have to worry about that. They’d be crazy to think that they have a dad who doesn’t care for them. You’ll just be busy serving your country.

I don't doubt they'll be saying Mommy or Momma first, but thanks for that reassurance. I get this dream a lot where I come home and neither you nor the twins can recognize me, and the babies just cry at the sight of me and you tell me to stay away from them because you think I'm just a stranger. It just... that thought freaks me out. Being a stranger to them. I do love you guys a lot. You and the babies are my life.

You’ll get as many picture updates as I can manage to print out on my spare time. Just keep in mind that I’ll have classes to take care of along with the twins. Don’t ask me how I’m going to be able to keep up with both of them while still trying to have a social life, because I don’t know myself. It does, doesn’t it? I can’t wait until they start talking. It’ll be so much easier to understand what they’re crying for. I’ll keep all of that in mind if anyone ever does happen to get even near kissing distance, okay? My long tangent would make you proud. 

I know. It's things like that that make me regret this decision sometimes... I wish I could be there to help you, but I know you're strong enough to do this. You're the awesomest mom I know other than my own mom. And I'll be home soon enough and it'll be back to you and me taking care of those two beautiful babies. I hope they don't forget me or something. I mean, I'll be gone a lot during their younger years... I don't want them to grow up one day and get upset with me because I wasn't there. That doesn't mean I don't love them, right, Lily? I still love them. They were so little and in a blink of an eye they're getting so big. I can't wait for that either. Can you imagine their cute little voices? I'm such a proud papa, I bet they'll both be saying a lot when the time comes. It will be so fun to hear them say little things. You always make me proud, so I don't doubt that.

Thank you. That’s all I need to know. And also promise you’ll write to me and call me whenever you can? Video chats via Skype would be perfect if you could manage to do that while you’re away at bootcamp. I don’t even know what you’re allowed there… Just don’t go completely missing without a word until you come back to us. Babe, you don’t need to worry about any guy hitting on me while you’re away. Our little angels will protect me from that. Of course I’m not going to ask a girl to help lift some heavy boxes, though. And I don’t want to make a first bad impression by asking every other guy around if they’re gay. Just don’t worry about it. I’ll get help and then it’ll be all over. 

I'll find a way to contact you. I think it depends where I go. Sometimes they let you keep your phone with you, other times you can only send letters. Whatever, I'll find a way to keep in contact. The idea of you being alone and missing me kind of kills, I'm going to send you as many letters as I can. I want picture updates, Lils. You and the babies. I want to be able to see the twins during that time. I can't believe how much they're growing... Feels like yesterday we were holding them for the first time. Kids or no kids, you're super hot. Someone is going to hit on you, Lils. I wouldn't be surprised if an older classmate makes a pass at you. In that case you need to flash that wedding ring and go on a long tangent about how proud you are to be an Army Wife and how much you love your very brave--and really strong--husband, who isn't afraid to snap off someone's head for touching his woman. Don't you have a gaydar? Can't you just tell? Okay, fine... No worrying.

You know, how they call every person that’s in the armed forces a hero, so you’re our hero. Well, will be pretty soon. Promise? I know you have, but I just need a reassurance. I don’t think I’d be able to handle seeing another army officer knock on my door to bring bad news. I’d probably hate myself for letting you go in the first place. I really need to stop thinking about negative things. It’s not going to help the kids. I’m sure, I’ll be fine. If it makes you feel any better, I can try and see if my parents would be willing to lend a hand with the driving and moving of boxes. If not, I’m sure I could get someone on campus to help me out. Don’t stress about it. 

I've heard that, yeah, but.. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm totally up for being yours and twins' hero, though. I like that a lot. Promise. Cross my heart.... Something about poking my eye with a needle. I'll reassure you all you need, baby. I will come home to you safely. No more negative thoughts, okay? Everything will be alright. Let's just hope I survive Bootcamp and don't get killed by my drill sergeant. Okay, just... Get help if you need it. Don't overstress yourself, beautiful. But if you ask some guy on campus... Make sure he's gay. Because any single guy would help you only to get nookie.

I know what you mean. They are always going to be looking up to you for anything, you know. Especially when they can say that their daddy fights for their country under the orders of the government. You’re going to be their true hero. And when you think about it, not just theirs — every other American’s as well. You really have nothing to worry about. I’m the one who should be fussing. I know we’ve talked this over a million of times already, but the idea of losing you is too much to handle. We’ve come a long way just so you could be drafted into a war and let me down. Promise me you’ll come back home safe. It’s okay, I’ll manage on my own. Gainesville is on the northern part of Florida, so I at least won’t have to drive all the way down the peninsula to get to campus. 

Well, damn, Lils. You're making me nervous saying that. A hero? Nah, I'll just be another guy out there doing his part for his country. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Not like I'll get a purple heart or something. You don't have to fuss, baby. Lily, I'm going to come back to you, and not in a coffin. You and I, we're supposed to grow old together. You know that. We're going to, we're going to be real old and gray together someday. Are you sure? It's just... That drive, with twins, and moving in, with twins, and all that by yourself? With twins. I just wish I could push off and help you, but duty calls.

So are you saying you’d rather they stay babies forever instead of watching them grow and succeed in life? I’d be all up for taking care of our two little bundles of joy, but they need to run free at some point. Let them find love themselves and do crazy things like we did. We’ll be there every single step of the way, making sure that they’re passing their classes and not getting in too much trouble. Don’t worry Hun, you’ll be their daddy for as long as they will remember you. Oh, I did miss that Columbus trip gone wrong. Why did some nosy gray faces have to tell you about the pact a few days before? We would’ve had so much fun with that hot tub. It sounds like a lovely plan either way. Just remember that we’ll be in Florida afterwards. The family housing opens in early July. 

No, well.. I mean, I think I'll always love them as they are while we progress and just be scared of what they'll be tomorrow. You know what I mean? I mean I'll love them now as babies, and not want to think of them grown up. I'll love them when they're little kids in school, and not want to think about later. It'll keep going like that until I'm an old man and then I'll probably say the same about our grand children. I want to be their daddy forever. I just really love them, Lils. Don't remind me about the hot tub, I'm still angry we didn't use it. At least we're happy now, right? No matter what, we'll always end up happy and in love. It'll be great. Oh yeah. Wait, I won't even be here to help you move in. Dammit. We should probably find someone who can help you. Stupid Bootcamp starting end of June.

I don’t want you to leave to the Army, but I’m still letting you. You just have to trust them enough to know that they’ll be back eventually. It’s not like we’ll completely lose them if they do leave the nest. We’re still their parents. You don’t have to take me out on a fancy dinner for our anniversary, but if you insist. Not Breadstix? What other fancy restaurant is there around Lima? It should, but it doesn’t. 

Yeah, but... I dunno, let's not talk about the kids being all grown up. It makes me want to just cuddle them and remember they're still babies now but that gets in the way of really awesome sex, which is the only upside to them growing up and leaving -- No more waiting for the handcuffs. I want to take you somewhere fancy. Who said we would have it in Lima? Maybe I was thinking about a couple days away for a bit. Just you and me... Somewhere nice, like in Colombus. There was that one trip we never got to have together. We'll leave the kids with mom for one night and just enjoy ourselves, before I leave. Then the remainder of the time will be you, me, Tristan and Delilah.