everything has changed. even me. i try and convince myself itβs for good reasons and that im doing my best but when im being honest i have to admit that i could be doing better.
iβve stopped smoking but the periodic binge drinking hasnβt stopped. and i know im drowning in my sorrows yet i canβt seem to correct my behavior.
i know my temple deserves more. i know my world deserves the absolute best of me but i still find myself searching for the end of the bottle.
mind you, this isnβt every day. iβm still handling my business. my world isnβt coming up short and i still make sure my responsibilities are covered but once they are i take that as a pass to go as far as i choose.
it doesnβt make it right.
it doesnβt make it ok.
itβs just what makes me feel better in the moment.
some could argue i need to change my environment. surround myself with those who see it the way i should. itβs just hard when youβre already so closed off and find it difficult to let people in.
im hurting. and im trying but not hard enough.
