things i have said, heard, or done at work sentence starters. before u ask, yes, i’m an idiot.
great, another episode in the “i’m stupid” saga.
*hits head on metal first aid kit and gives self a concussion*
*falls down a flight of stairs in front of a bunch of people*
i can totally do this, i do this all the time.
have you lost weight? like, within the last week?
in case nobody’s told you lately, you’re doing a fucking amazing job.
i walked out in the middle of the last halloween movie cause it was so bad.
i think i’m in love with you. or maybe you just look like my ex.
i’m gonna regret wearing this today.
*breaks three glasses in the span of thirty seconds*
today the lady at wendy’s absolutely clocked me as an idiot.
you’re really sweet. you’re so, so sweet and so, so dumb.
i’m gonna drop a mixtape and every other song there’s gonna be an ad like spotify.
today my grandma shared a photo of a guy’s bare ass on facebook.
NO CORRER, POR FAVOR
it’s super cold over here. it’s almost like it’s cold outside.
i accidentally left a cucumber in my car. i hope she’s okay.
i’m never coming back here. a child just burped in my face.
can i have a hug?
you’re my favorite.
thank you for not slacking off.
i really, really try.















