Addict with a Pen

That must be the most bizarre part about falling for a friend. I don't think I ever really "fell in love with you" in the traditional sense. I think my heart actually loved you this entire time, it just took my brain awhile to catch up and say, "This is it, this has been the one you've been waiting for."

My soul is at a constant tug-of-war between having a happy heart and a melancholy mind. I think that is why I am so positive toward others and sad toward myself.

I'm tired of explaining why I act in the ways I do, or why my heart beats in the way that it does. How are we able to open up the depths of our souls to people and then one day eventually move on and forget them forever? As if we were two strangers in the world who'd forever keep each other's deepest secrets?

I truly believe this world wasn't created for someone with my heart, it hurts too much.

Sometimes when I'm sad I'll envision myself 30 or 40 years into the future. I think about her looking into my present life and how hopeless I felt about so many things. And then after, I imagine her laughing at me with tears in her eyes, I picture her saying that it'll all work out and my life will end up okay. That I found the love and the life my soul had been searching for.

I completely and utterly refuse to understand half-loves. How do you only half-way fall from a building? Drown in a river? You are either all in, or you are not at all. Because when my love is lit, it may begin slow but it will eventually end up catching like wildfire. I will wholly love every part of your soul until I have charted every secret world you have ever lived in and thought you have ever kept hidden in-between your ribs. I will memorize the indentions of your hips and the way your eyelashes twist and topple together. I could never half explore your depths, just as I could never half exist. When I love you, it is whole.

I said I wanted my HAIR played with not my FEELINGS but ok