Keep Holding On

Go on and cut all of the flowers in the garden of my soul. You will never keep the spring from coming. You will never stop them from blooming, again and again.

No, fuck that. I want you. I want to love you, I want to want you like no one else has ever before. I want to be the one you think about at 3am and the one you wish was there at 5 in the afternoon. I want to be the one to make you laugh until you can’t breath anymore and the only thing you have left is the short breaths you have to take in from your stomach hurting. I want to be the one to tell you how beautiful you are in any hour of the day and meaning it every time. I want to be there for you when you’re feeling like shit, to be the one to tell you that it’s going to be okay. I want to be the one to have those “I love you more” conversations and still let you win at the end of the day just because I adore you. I want to be the one you look foreword talking to, not just the other way around. I want to be that person you’ll share your deepest secrets with, the one you trust the most to let you cry and still hold you afterwards. I want you to let me love you, in every form and in every way. I want to be that person you let see your morning hair, that person who tells you that you’re still the most breath-taking human even when you wake up. But most of all, I want to be that person in years from now who still looks at you as if you hung the fucking moon and say, “yeah, that’s mine.”

If there was one thing I could be certain of, it would be you. It would always be you.

But I have a defect, I believe in true love.

The thought of losing you burns harder in the back of my throat more than any liquor could.

I guess it was my fault in the end. I grew complacent. I became careless. I thought I would always be your favourite - as you were mine. I never realised that even we were subject to the constraints of time and space. I never realised that we weren’t invincible. I never imagined that, for no reason at all, we would find ourselves drifting apart - until one day we could swear that we had never even met. I never imagined that we would stop talking, or that I would find it awkward to see you on the street. Sometimes, sometimes I still let myself wonder how you’re doing - whether you’re dating again, after your first love broke your heart. I’m still glad to have known you, all those midnight conversations in the dark. And sometimes, I write you a letter and put it in my top drawer. I wish I had the courage to send it. And what I mean to say is this: I really hope that you’re doing well. I hope you know that I haven’t forgotten you. I don’t think I ever will. I’ll be here if you ever need me. I’m rooting for you. Even if we don’t speak, I’ll always be rooting for you.