PinkyPromises-

This was a few days ago. We went to scribble showdown at universal. We saw our boys.

I’ve been thinking about you everyday, but that’s nothing new. I’ve been trying to keep myself together, but i’ve been falling apart. I’m on the verge of ending what is almost a 4 year relationship because of how they have treated me at my most dire.

You never treated me like they did. I got physically ill; shingles. At 35. That’s unheard of, a stress reaction that manifests as the itchiest bumps that hurt from the slightest breeze. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy, it would be too cruel.

I guess what i’m trying to say is i really miss you and i’m trying to not reach out to you every single time i need you. And i need you a lot.

Your birthday is coming up. I know i won’t be able to contain myself. I hope it’s been enough time since february… i dont want to keep hurting you.

Miss you bubbe

i wanted to, so bad. i wanted to tell you that i was here for you, that i loved you, and that it was going to be okay. because it’s always okay with me.

but i didn’t. i’m trying to respect your space.

i know you’re stuck in a rut right now. i want to reach out. i want to help so bad. i want to be the one you can come to when you’re down. but i have to wait. you said in february to just wait. you just went through so much, maybe it’s selfish of me to think of “us” right now.

so much has changed. it’s 10 years later, 22 years total.

i’m always panicking, always trying to find you, catch up to you, be with you.

i think about you every day, all day. i wonder if you think of me…

you promised when shucks got NSP you’d come back …