Hiraeth: A longing for a home you can’t return to, or that never was.
Summary: It was confusing, the whole ordeal was. But no matter how many times you told yourself to go back, he was always there, taunting you to stay. Royalty AU
Warnings: This is a multi part series that includes sexual themes and mature content.
A/N: There’s only a few more chapters left before the end! After this chapter, there will be smut, so please, if you’re not comfortable with that, I advise reading with discretion! Thank you!
If the prince had meant anything from the night before, he certainly wasn’t showing it this morning.
Maria had ended up cutting their time short, barging into his room, inconspicuous to the events unfolding before her eyes, before hauling the young girl away to rest up in her own room. It bared such a resemblance to a pious mother sparing her daughter from a teenage boy, but in their case, it luckily hadn’t bothered the two.
The objective soreness from the slashes hurdled her into a state of overall fatigue, and she opted to remain in bed for the rest of the day. Within the crevices of the fort her mind had built up, she somewhat wished that Jungkook would stumble in through her door, welcoming her with a warm smile or a simple question of reassurance, but surprisingly, he never came.
And it wasn’t until later that week when Taehyung had knocked on her door, opening it with a soft creek, that she found out Jungkook had ultimately left with his uncle and Namjoon to some knightly expedition.
Taehyung, who often urged her to merely address him as Tae, was a sweet entity, one she imagined she would’ve been close with had he been someone from her time. Much like Jimin, Tae was filled to the brink with an overwhelming gentleness that she had never found in anyone before, and she was thankful for his kind demeanor.
But much like the bearer of bad news, his unique boxy smile was nowhere near present when he’d been allowed through her door.
“Afraid so, he’ll be back soon though, don’t worry!” But underneath his feigned strong veneer, he did worry. Taehyung and Jungkook were close in age, both of them being the youngest of the septet, and she wondered how close they must’ve been back then for them to have developed such a strong brotherly bond. In fact, she wondered how they all must’ve met. They were all practically inseparable, family, as Namjoon once put it.
“Did he say why?” She asked, her heart unknowingly wilting at the new revelation that Jungkook was not around for the time being.
Tae took a deep breath in, “His uncle explained that he’d been long overdue for a visit with his aunt. Did he tell you about her?”
She had vaguely recalled hearing about the woman, living in the neighboring kingdom. An uncle from his father’s side, but a non-blood related aunt from his mother’s, at least, that was how Jin described the predicament. She gave a brief nod to Taehyung, waiting for him patiently to continue.
“She hasn’t seen him for a while, nearly three years. Jungkook’s almost 21…” Then his voice withered into a whisper, darting his eyes precariously through her room as if uncomfortable.
“Not necessarily,” he brought his hand back to rub anxiously at the back of his neck, “When a prince becomes of age, he must start preparing for, well, coronation.”
“So…he has to become…the king.” It was more of an assertive statement than a question, realizing how serious the situation was.
Taehyung nodded, but she added in quickly before he could go on, “Wait, but…he told me once that he has to be married…no?”
And that’s when Taehyung’s face reddened, unable to properly look her in the eye.
She fit the pieces together. Oh no.
“She’s made him a suitor…hasn’t she?”
“Yes…” Tae’s eyes then flickered to hers for a second, before moving back to stare at the unconventional rug in the middle of the room.
The thought overpowered every other in her mind: Jungkook’s getting married.
She never imagined herself getting so internally worked up over a simple boy, and she mentally berated herself for that. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
“Is there a reason why this was so sudden…?”
“Well um,” Taehyung began folding his hands before him, “Once you left his chambers last night, his uncle…went up to talk to him and found out about you and…him.”
So this had been his uncle’s doing, out of sheer disgust for the foreign woman from a distant century in an attempt to save his nephew of having to deal with unroyal blood.
It wasn’t that she liked Jungkook, even those feelings were incredibly confusing. But she knew there was something there that she couldn’t quite pinpoint. But upon hearing this, she couldn’t believe that she even fantasized about the two of them becoming closer, it would never have even worked anyway. Why would she have thought otherwise?
This was the price for letting her guard down for one silly little boy, that wasn’t even from her own time. And Taehyung clearly knew something had been going on between the two of them for him to look so flustered at her, almost apologetically. But if it was pity he was giving her, she didn’t want any of it. She didn’t want anyone to think that this was upsetting to her, so she just shook her head at him, voice unwavering as she parted her lips.
“Good for him, good for his kingdom.”
Taehyung tensed, able to sense the foreign sensitivity in her aura, but he paid no further attention to it, instead just nodding back in affirmation.
“He’ll be back at the end of the month, with Namjoon and his uncle…”
“Okay,” she swallowed thickly.
Tae’s breathing grew heavy, “You’re…you’re alright?”
“There’s nothing between the prince and I, Taehyung,” she was quick to reply, ending his wandering thoughts with a swift case. He pursed his lips, ruffling his sandy hair away from his eyes. She stared at him, with a calm gaze before thinning her lips as well and extending an arm out to him.
He gravitated towards her open palm, slipping his hand into hers before she squeezed it gently.
“Thank you for telling me, Tae. I’ll be down for dinner later…could I – is it alright to sit next to you?”
Like a gift from the heavens, his sweet box smile returned, and he mumbled out an okay. She reciprocated his smile, hoping it made up for her cold disposition earlier. With another simple nod from both their ends, Taehyung waved a small goodbye and left her room, leaving her alone to wonder about the possibilities of the future.
And so the month went by.
Each of which were filled with monotonous routines that merely distracted her from the prince.
It was funny really, how initially she worked with Maria to distract herself from her family and her home. Now, she worked to rid her mind of him.
It was nice, however, his uncle never around to send daggers her way when she’d walk by him. And though it was strictly advised not to, she still managed to sneak into Namjoon’s office late at night when everyone else had fallen asleep to draw back to his old notes, sketching out star patterns and date time-lines, in hopes she could go back to 2018 without having to endure much more of her growing feelings for this prince.
She hated to think of it that way.
She hated feeling something for Jungkook.
But she hated how much she had to suppress it down more than anything else.
Wiping her shoes across the doormat, she pulled the shawl over her shoulders and laid it neatly over the countertop in the kitchen, resting the lemons she’d picked outside over the smooth marble of the table.
The kitchen was empty for tonight, and dimly lit, the small candle in the corner barely emitting any light inside.
She sighed loudly, shuffling around the chairs to pour herself a cup of water when suddenly, imminent chatter sounded right outside. The kitchen was near the main entrance hall of the castle, and while it was still too complex for her to memorize where everything was, she was familiar with the front loft.
Peering out from one of the small windows over the sink, her eyes landed on a carriage, with a brown horse near the front buckling its rear legs to ease itself into peace. A carriage…had it been the end of the month already?
Suddenly, her heart pace quickened, and she felt an overwhelming sense of jittery anticipation, as if she were a child on Christmas night.
Scrambling to wash her hands with the cool water from the faucet, she finished and wiped her hands over the smock on her dress, before untying it and laying it down beside her shawl from earlier.
With a final blow at the candle, the kitchen was engulfed by darkness, and she took slow steps into the central loft. It was surprisingly empty, much like the kitchen, and her brows furrowed as she looked around for any source of life.
“Are you alright there child?” A voice suddenly piped up.
She spun on her heel, expression easing as her eyes landed on Maria’s smiling figure, walking over towards her.
“Yes, sorry I was just…I heard something outside.”
Maria slickly rose a brow, familiar with the young girl’s obtrusive demeanor.
“Mm, yes,” she merely replied, hiding the smug grin that wanted to dance across her features. A small tint of pink dusted her cheeks and she fumbled with her fingers below, clearing her throat before asking.
There it was, the sly grin. “Just pulled in a few minutes ago,” her voice tipped towards the end, hinting at some kind of odd insinuation between the two of them together.
Forcing down the small smile that seemed to creep upon her face, she hummed, “Can I see him? Has he asked for anyone?”
“I’m afraid not.” Both their heads whipped towards the end of the hallway, to the source of the booming voice, and her muscles stiffened.
“Yes sir, but if I may, I’m sure Prince Jeon would understand –” Maria began before he raised his hand, halting her to stop.
“I just spoke to him,” he started, his eyes transferring from Maria to the girl, “He doesn’t wish to see anyone.”
She bit her tongue, numbingly reminding herself that she couldn’t retaliate back at Jungkook’s uncle the same way she could with Jungkook himself. Instead, she looked down, releasing a soft sigh as confirmation.
“I’ll just head up to my room then.”
“It’s not yours,” he supplied quickly. Maria gently pressed a hand onto her shoulder, refraining her from doing anything rash.
“You’re right, but might as well leave you in peace anyway. Sorry you can’t take kindly to guests,” her voice dripped with bitterness, assuming sincerity but lacking any depth at all. His eyebrow merely twitched before he stepped before her.
“Then you’ll be glad to hear that you aren’t my guest, you hag.”
Her eyes narrowed at Maria’s shoes, a solemn gaze she did not want him to take notice of. She let her lids fall momentarily, clenching her jaw before unhinging it and walked past him, making sure her shoulder brushed against his harshly.
She made it quietly out of the loft, and up the stairs to the hallway that held her room. The same hallway that also led to Jungkook’s.
Her doors were only a few feet away from his, and though she had proper instructions not to visit him, she couldn’t help the skip in her heart beat when she passed the narrow slit of his doorway, the light from inside dimly shining underneath the doors.
Taking a deep breath, she considered walking up to them anyways, hoping that maybe he did want to see her despite his uncle’s apparent transcription. But she swallowed instead, and shook her head, proceeding to her room instead.
It was sad to say the least, seeing as how easily infatuated she became with his presence. It reminded her of something that familiarly resembled her home; his aura, though egotistical and stern at first, was soft underneath his strong exterior.
And with those thoughts, she turned her head back to peer at the double doors leading to his threshold, pondering once again over the idea of knocking. Screw it.
Changing directions, her feet led her to him, and in a matter of seconds, she stood before his doors, holding both her breath, and her hand. It hung in midair, inches away from the wood that separated them.
“Just knock…” she muttered beneath her breath, and soon, her hand made contact with the hard surface, rapping gently to not alarm his uncle or give away her disobedience at his orders.
There was minor shuffling on the other side, before she heard him clear his throat, “Leave now, I do not wish to greet anyone.”
She stiffened, the blood rushing up to heat up her face. She bit her lip in embarrassment, catching her hand with the other before stepping away from the door. She couldn’t help herself however when she opened her mouth to speak.
It was surely only a whisper of defeat, but somehow, the prince caught her voice, and more shuffling was heard. She looked up, listening closely to the other side, still holding her stance.
The door opened slightly, just enough to inspect who was outside. Her heart rate sped up much to her dismay, as she took him in. Yes, he looked exhausted, but that certainly did not take away from his outward beauty. His dark disheveled hair and dusky gaze only added more to the light rosey feathering over her cheeks. Instantly, his eyes softened as they landed on her, and he opened the door a little further.
“It’s you,” he breathed out, breaking into a small open-mouthed grin. She hid her smile, nodding gently.
She pressed her lips together, taking a moment to let her eyes survey the hallway for Maria and his uncle, before accepting his offer and slowly stepping into his room. The door instinctively shut behind her, and she turned around to face him.
They stood there, in comfortable silence before she looked down, “Your uncle told me you didn’t want to see anyone but…”
Keeping her face low, she allowed her eyes to glance up at his features, just barely looking through her lashes to see his expression falter for a moment.
“He was right about that. But you, I did ask for.”
Her hands clammed up and she shot him a confused look.
“You did?” Her voice almost gave out, but she mustered it back up and regained composure. He nodded, stepping closer.
“I asked to see you. Only you.”
“Your uncle told me…he said you didn’t ask for anyone…” she nearly chuckled, seeing as how much his uncle really held such a distaste for her. He had lied to her.
“I guess your uncle doesn’t like me much,” she sighed, grabbing her forearm.
He let out a sincere laugh, one that was quiet but still beautiful to hear.
“That man,” his laugh died down to a breathy chuckle, a smile still apparent on his face, “He’s just trying to scare you.”
She bit her lip in amusement, shaking her head at the commentary.
He began again, shortening the distance between them as he continued towards her, “If it’s any consolation, even if you think he doesn’t like you…know that I do.”
Jungkook was never one to express his emotions sincerely, in any way. But over the course of the few months she had grown to know him, she realized she had the ability to bring out those feelings from him, and he, although disliking his openness with her during the beginning, was too captivated with her difference from the others that he couldn’t help it.
She chuckled, bringing up a hand to tuck the stray piece of hair hanging loosely over her forehead, behind her ear.
“I’m flattered, wow,” she lightly mocked him, keeping her eyes on his. The lack of distance between them was enough to get her heart rate to quicken again, and she immediately opted to change the subject before she could make a fool out of herself.
“So, how was your trip? Was it any good?” She scrunched her nose, making her way to the bench at the foot of his bed. She opted not to bring up his aunt for the time being. Too embarrassing, too distressing.
He sighed, cocking his head to the side, “I would’ve rather spent those four weeks here, with you.”
No matter how many times she attempted to brush off his minor flirtations, she couldn’t help the way her stomach whirled when he addressed in such a way.
He continued however, before she had any more time to dwell on those thoughts, “Speaking of which, what did you do while I was gone?”
He walked over to the table perched beside the window, holding his bag which she presumed carried his clothing.
She shrugged, raising her brows, “Nothing much. Maria kept me company. I would’ve liked to head into town to meet some new people, but no one would let me.”
He looked at her over his shoulder, sending her a soft look, “Is that so? I have to make sure to take you then.”
“It’s alright,” she laughed, as he chuckled along with her and resumed unpacking the contents of his bag.
“Here, let me help,” she suddenly stood up, feeling the urge to unpack with him. She walked over to his form, her arms digging into his bag and brushing against one of his hands in the process.
“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’ve got it.”
“No, it’s okay. I want to help,” her eyes looked up at his, sending a small pleading gaze. The dull lighting of the moonlight emitting from the window illuminated his face, and the way he stared at her made her knees weak.
“How about we leave the unpacking for tomorrow,” he offered, buttoning up the bag before setting it down near his closet.
She let out a quiet ‘oh’, pressing her lips together once more, a recurring habit she noticed she couldn’t control when she became a little too flustered. He faced her once he finished, shaking his head to rid the strands of hair away from his eyes before walking over the bed bench, sitting and resting his back on the bed’s cushiony surface. He let out a soft groan, as he stretched his arms over his head, exposing the small line of skin from underneath his dress shirt.
She averted her eyes from his body, instead letting them dart around the room nervously before finally finding some courage and clearing her throat.
“Why didn’t you tell me…?”
He stopped, eyes landing on hers, “What do you mean?”
“You left…why didn’t you tell me?”
His expression softened, an earnest but hesitant glint in his eyes shone before she heard him breathe out and clasp his hands together.
“You were healing. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Jungkook…” she sighed, shifting her attention to his feet to avoid his gaze.
“Your wounds, how are they?” He suddenly asked, escaping the topic of his departure completely and focusing on her abdomen instead. She shrugged her shoulders at his off tangent question, but nodded briefly.
“They’re fine. I’m fine.”
He was purposely avoiding this topic. She knew once they’d start, both of them would end up in an awkward state. The man was getting married, how could she bring that up?
Feeling the protruding nerves nestling into the nooks and crannies in her mind, she crossed her arms and nudged her head towards his bed, “I think you should rest…you’re definitely tired from traveling and it’s already late…I should get back to my room.”
As she began shuffling towards the door, he swiftly stood up, his voice stopping her, “You can stay, if you’d like.”
Her breathing grew heavy, and she prepared herself to look at the luring expression that would be on his face. Sure enough, those dark eyes were drawing her in.
His black hair fell in meticulous, perfect strands over his forehead, and he licked his lips, “I want you to stay.”
“I don’t…I’m not sure your uncle would –”
“I don’t care what he’d say. I know you don’t either.”
The gaze he was sending her grew much darker, and if she knew any better, she was sure it was full of genuine desire. She let out a shaky breath, clasping her arms over her chest before looking down.
“I do…want to stay…but –”
“Then stay, young one. Don’t think so much.”
Her body froze over his words, though her insides were burning with fire. She felt too hot and too cold all at once. But no matter how much she denied that this was definitely not a good idea, the thought of spending the night with him overpowered her mind, and she hesitantly submitted her willingness to him.
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