Hello Its Mimee

crazy

naive

everything is always about her

i’m tired to deal with shit

patterns r hideous and undeniable-

she never tried to understand

she never will

/have the etiquette

It’s 2021 now but I wanted to share my 2020 phases. Okay, just a summary.  Few months after my last post here, COVID19 arise and escalated so quickly. By mid January, I remember not being fully secured because there are a lot of news that people, whoever you are or whatever your age is, these bad guys will tryna kidnap you. I was so anxious when walking from my condominium to my school; (It was like a 17 minutes walk, sometimes 10 when I’m running). I always make myself conscious about my  surroundings like hell yeah, please, don’t kidnap me, my family has problems financially and my school fees are much more expensive that your weapons. I’m a half baked EE student investment and I don’t want to be just found dead in the underpass. 

By late February, I think this is the month where the virus issue arise. There’s this hot issue that a Filipino-Chinese guy from Binondo had caught the virus. We were all scared obviously. Binondo was just a few kilometers from our school. Schools didn’t suspend immediately. But few days after, articles and news about COVID19 keep on popping! It is the articles which says some people are already being infected and dying. And it was true. It was so quick to spread. It was like a H2O element, Fire, It was so deadly and fast! There’s this morning that I really gotten anxious about the chaotic happenings to the point that I really do not want to go to school and I did not! Also, when I went down and go outside to buy ministop chicken, these chinese people are everywhere and their accent is like a native chinese. Trust me, I know. I’ve been to HongKong, Beijing, and macau multiple times. I love their culture honestly. I’m not a racist by just mentioning them here but covid19 originated from wuhan and it’s a fact though. I have nothing against them. It’s just that life’s at stake here. So that very same day in the afternoon, my school suspended classes. And then I went home with my brother and Edward to bulacan. 

Two Decembers have passed and I almost forgot about this account :) So glad that I thought of opening it before starting 2020. The previous years was a lot challenging for me, it strengthens me, uh it trained me, it helped me grow, it helped me see things i should be seeking on. The previous years was a lot of pressure, cries and silent screams. Helping myself through those times was like breathing in high volume of water; swimming upward to seek air, reaching the above sea level. The ocean was too wide and i can’t see anyone. It  was dark blue, very dark shade of blue. I wished to be dead but there’s still a light when i look upward. Thus, i find ways to help myself. I endure the pressure, I didn’t mind how far I am, how alone I am. I moved slowly. Trying to save myself.

The previous years gave me people that until now, I can’t help but be homesick with them. They are really good people, honestly. I thought myself of a kid who cannot moved on from the people of her past. Always in need of love and care from her friends. But things are constantly changing. I should be accepting them in my life because they tried going onto mine. I should let go of the sadness that I want my old lifestyle and the people who really knew me. It is the time to give myself and to introduce who am i. There’s a huge rock in my heart that i wanna let go but how?