hotel tango .

i want to go to the promise land too

rue is the first person that’s made me feel 1,000,000,000,000 . . . etc . and she’s not even real .

i just wanted to eat pizza and watch Kingson with you guys . i’m sorry .

why would i want to watch another anything when all they do is idolize that i’m the bad guy ?

i’m back in that hospital room with the one window that only shows a sliver of the outside to help me gauge the time of day . those two nurses are back . the ones that smile and nod like they hear me then they proceed to talk amongst each other and repeat what i’d said moments prior . . while they chew their crackers too loud they repeat my words like they’d never heard any of it before . i try to ask for some water but they’re busy laughing and walking away . it’s okay . i’ve turned imagining pictures within the cracks of the paint on the ceiling into a game . a work of art . a survival tactic . what else can you do ? you tried to scream . so many times . for so many years . the only thing that ever happened when you opened your mouth when no one else would is that all of the pots started to turn the kettles black before the silence set in til you cowered like an abused puppy and let them eat their granola bars too loud and talk over you . what else can you do ? nothing . you can’t do anything . why haven’t you accepted that this is your new normal ? how long has it been now ? stop fighting it . being punished for standing up for your feelings should never kill your spirit faster . but read the above again . because you can’t do anything . it is what it is . you just can’t . you’re a dramatic crybaby , remember ? that’s all they hear when you speak out of tone , remember ? you’re always going to be the mean one when you voice your feelings . you’re always going to be the odd man out because you aren’t like them . but don’t you dare forget to comfort them when they hurt . don’t you dare forget to make them feel validated when they throw louder tantrums than you . every time . and don’t you dare forget to genuinely listen to them .