Hell's Traffic Accident

“You’ll forgive me for not thinking of Seija immediately,” she replied to the first barb. “She didn’t come down and bother the Underground for some reason… maybe because she knew we wouldn’t have allowed her antics to go on. And while we’re at it, let’s top with the ‘cat’ label, shall we? I’m Rin. Rin Kaenbyou. You can tell me your name too, if you want. And for the record, I was trying to get you out from under there so I could get a proper look at you. I ain’t a body snatcher.”

“I’m…guessing you won’t leave with just that.”

“Aaand your guess is correct, Miss Sukuna - or should I be calling you Sukuna-sama?” Another one who claimed to be a ruler of some place or another... Orin was quite used to those. In her long life, she’d met a ruler or two already. “Sounds like you’ve got a pretty fancy pedigree. None of it really answers one of my big questions though. Namely, what’s someone like you doing at the Hakurei shrine, hm?”

“Tengu ink is approximately 3% blood, 3% sweat, and 3% tears.  That 3% blood is enough for a low level blood ritual.”

While adding blood from a few different Humans to one’s ink was traditionally done to muddle such attempts, some Karasu only add their own as a point of pride. A drop or two of Kitsune blood in the mix causes legendarily messy backfires in blood rituals, but the expense prevents any but the biggest of papers from employing such countermeasures. Kasha blood or saliva is a cheaper alternative with almost comparable results, but some find the smell distasteful.

“Tengu that try to take kasha blood, of course, tend to regret it in our experience... for some reason, those birds have a hard time dealing with a couple dozen cats tormenting them for a week or two. Kasha saliva is a lot easier to acquire... though I’ve seen a case or two where the tengu in question try to prove otherwise. Really, though, it doesn’t matter what kind of ink you use if you make a quill out of a hell raven feather... but that doesn’t work for printing, does it?”

“I mean just read up on her here, and when you see her..tell her to return our melon.”

“All right, I backed off,” she announced. “Now come on out already, this is really getting silly. Not only am I not stupid enough to kill and eat anyone at Reimu’s shrine, but you wouldn’t even be a very filling meal. I eat way more than you every day, you know.” Was she helping? Probably not, but it was worth a shot.

“I knew someone who actually thought she could usurp the Yakumo. Don’t try and talk to me about how stupid any one youkai can be in this place.” A shake of the head. “And I suppose trying to snatch people against their will is just your way of saying ‘hello’, is it? Don’t insult my intelligence either now, cat.”

“You’ll forgive me for not thinking of Seija immediately,” she replied to the first barb. “She didn’t come down and bother the Underground for some reason... maybe because she knew we wouldn’t have allowed her antics to go on. And while we’re at it, let’s top with the ‘cat’ label, shall we? I’m Rin. Rin Kaenbyou. You can tell me your name too, if you want. And for the record, I was trying to get you out from under there so I could get a proper look at you. I ain’t a body snatcher.”

“You’ll end up like one of those alley strays with a nub tail and a chipped ear, beast! Don’t you underestimate the ruler of the kobito!”

“All right, I backed off,” she announced. “Now come on out already, this is really getting silly. Not only am I not stupid enough to kill and eat anyone at Reimu’s shrine, but you wouldn’t even be a very filling meal. I eat way more than you every day, you know.” Was she helping? Probably not, but it was worth a shot.

“You can’t fool me, you! You’re a cat!” She brandishes her needle defensively, trying to hide her knocking knees. “Cats only ever try to kill and eat little things! You stay away from me, or– or you’ll be losing an eye! I mean it!”

“Generalizing a bit, aren’t you?” she couldn’t help but ask, a rather incredulous look on her face. “If I wanted to kill and eat you, trust me, I’d do it. I’m just wonderin’ who the hell you are. I’ve never seen you at the shrine before. So just come out, and no one gets hurt, okay?”

“You can have a cat. There’s thousands of orphaned stray cats in Mayohiga, I’m sure some of them would like to have an owner. But you can’t have that cat. Trust me, if you actually did steal her, I’d be the least of your worried. You’d be swallowed up in a gap before you could say ‘Yakumo’.”

“Alright alright, I’ll take your word for it. Normal cats won’t quite do it with Anna, though. I suppose I’ll have to find her a familiar elsewhere. A shame though, that spell actually works.”

“Tell ya what. You need a magical cat, right? Sometimes the kasha in my clan have kids that they don’t really want to take care of. Happens to everyone, right? If you promise on your soul to take really good care of her, I could see about getting you a kasha kitten. That way, you don’t need to go near Chen, right?”

“I just want to point out that if anyone does anything negative to a certain brown-haired little sister of mine, I’m gonna have to get really mad and bring down the wrath of hell upon them. And trust me, I haven’t done that in a long time~.”

Everything, Bri. Everything. See, the cat has friends. Let her go.

“You can have a cat. There’s thousands of orphaned stray cats in Mayohiga, I’m sure some of them would like to have an owner. But you can’t have that cat. Trust me, if you actually did steal her, I’d be the least of your worries. You’d be swallowed up in a gap before you could say ‘Yakumo’.”

“Umm, OK? What if they fall for me without doing it?”

“Then it means you’re just naturally charming~ a pretty good quality to have, I think.”

“Eh? But why?”

“You’ll have girls falling for you left and right. Probably quite a few guys too. Trust me on this one.”

“Hello there~”

“Careful with that expression, Chen. When you get older, it’ll get real dangerous.”

“Because if so I am absolutely stealing this person away.”

“Oh, probably. You’re a cat, so you’re fair game. And good luck, she’s a firecracker.”

“It’s a good thing I have a liiiittle practice in dodging projectiles then, isn’t it?” Good luck, anyone who tries. She has a base catch rate of, like, 5. Maybe even less. “Thanks for the advice, though. But if she’s enamored of cats, it should be easy to deal with her. Trust me on this one, it’s not my first time luring someone to Hell.”