FEEL FREE TO CHANGE PRONOUNS, WORDING, ETC. TO SUIT YOUR NEEDS
❛ I’ve never hit a kid before. ❜
❛ I mean, that’s like asking who gandhi is. ❜
❛ is that how you say hello where you come from? ❜
❛ oh, my god, I can’t believe I shot bill murray. ❜
❛ I don’t think we’re gonna be able to stitch this. ❜
❛ ah. that’s still tender. ❜
❛ you think you might pull through? ❜
❛ if it means anything now, I am so sorry. it was just instinctive. ❜
❛ I was never a very good practical joker. ❜
❛ so do you have any regrets? ❜
❛ I’m not great at farewells, so, uh, that’ll do, pig. ❜
❛ that’s the worst goodbye I’ve ever heard, and you stole it from a movie. ❜
❛ I don’t mean to gush. ❜
❛ I mean, you probably get this all the time. ❜
❛ where’s the fucking twinkies? ❜
❛ I hate coconut. not the taste, consistency. ❜
❛ oh, this twinkie thing, it ain’t over yet. ❜
❛ they’re in the back, aren’t they? ❜
❛ I’m really sorry. she was like a crouching tiger… ❜
❛ you got taken hostage by a twelve year old? ❜
❛ twelve’s the new twenty. gun please. ❜
❛ like you would ever use that thing. ❜
❛ don’t kill me with my own gun!! ❜
❛ are you fucking with me? ❜
❛ you ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gazelle? ❜
❛ time to nut up or shut up! ❜
❛ 1997. was that a good year? ❜
❛ and nobody picked you? ❜
❛ take away a man’s son, you’ve truly given him nothing left to lose. ❜
❛ I haven’t cried like that since titanic. ❜
❛ the first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me. ❜
❛ you are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab. ❜
❛ finally got to first base. not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck. ❜
❛ have you heard about pacific playland? there are no zombies there. ❜
❛ that place totally blows! ❜
❛ this is now the united states of zombieland. ❜
❛ okay. let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you’re a wonderful human, with great potential. ❜
❛ I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that. ❜
❛ oh, this is so exciting, you’re about to learn who you’re gonna call… it’s ghostbusters. ❜
❛ ow, I’m on fire! ouch! ❜
❛ where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards? ❜
❛ it’s amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm. ❜
❛ are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else’s story? ❜
❛ no. I knew a guy way worse at that than me. ❜
❛ there are no penguins on the north pole. ❜
❛ you wanna feel how hard I can punch? ❜
❛ let’s play the quiet game. ❜
❛ have you never played the quiet game? ❜
❛ here’s the deal: I’m not easy to get along with, and I’m sensing you’re a bit of a bitch. ❜
❛ you almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife. ❜
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