Hell Hath No Fury Like Mine

The last two-three weeks have been full of work related drama, and it's expected/demanded of me to perform in a certain way just to get listened to/taken seriously throughout the process. Unfortunately, on top of all that, no one grasps how severely burnt-out I am from this 4-5 year old issue that they refused to seriously up until this last year, when it finally started affecting them directly. So, listening to them gripe and moan about how frustrating this person/situation is, like it affects them so much, while I just stand there silently or telling them "I told you so, but you didn't listen" is exhausting, to say the least.

Couple that with Memorial weekend being an absolute fucking disaster because we were slammed with business, but only had one apprentice meat cutter on staff the whole time because one guy took time off, and the other guy was spreading his brother's ashes then grieving. Then, immediately after the holiday, we have inventory - which incites more drama that I'm expected to perform for while one of my bosses is texting me about why I'm not done counting yet, even though I couldn't even start until almost 10am because everyone and their manager needs the scan guns all at the same time.

During all that as well, I caught someone using an AI version of my muse which makes me feel like shit because I know I've been slow. But god damn it, I've been busy and stressed out too. So, that really hurt.

Prior to this last weekend though, I was dealing with and stressing out about that granuloma because it was stubborn as hell. I went through two weeks of treatment, that all hurt in some way (chemical burn, scraping with another chemical burn, liquid nitrogen freezing), because it kept coming back and it caused me anywhere from severe to agonizing pain at any sort of touch. So, doing literally anything at work either really hurt or fucking hurt. I started getting scared something was really wrong by the time I had it frozen off and that I was going to wind up lost in the medical system because if it came back a fourth time the doctors were going to refer me to a dermatologist, and historically my referrals wind up going nowhere. It's gone now, thank god, but my anxiety was all over the place about it.

Now, I've got some painful pressure in my ear that won't let up, no matter what I do. I'm not experiencing any dizziness, fever, or anything that would lend into the idea of it being an infection. It's just pressurized, hurts when I'm not on medication, and won't let up for anything; antihistamines, sinus relief, general pain meds - nothing. It's just there and it's making me anxious again. I don't want to wind up rotating in and out of the doctor's office again, I just got out.

Here soon, my second youngest niece will be visiting from Michigan. She's expected to be here for just under two weeks and I'm debating if I want to take all two weeks off from work just to catch a break, even though that'll use up all my summer vacation time. I probably should since my manager is vacationing over my birthday, I'm house sitting on my birthday, and everything is so fucking expensive I probably can't even go anywhere to celebrate anyhow.