hellachoice

“I went to the store with her–him”

“He and I–sorry she and I went to the movies”

“He’s–I mean they’re a big fan of Marvel Comics”

not acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

“She really likes–oh my god I mean he, I’m so sorry, I just don’t have it down yet, you need to give me time, I mean, I’m getting it, I promise, it’s just so hard sometimes, and I don’t even know where that came from, and I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to, you just have to go easy on me, I’ve never done this before, it’s just, I’m getting it, it won’t happen again, it’s just hard, you get it, right?”

Their whiteness is more important than their womanhood to them.

White women want the power of white men.

it’s like… 

rapists can’t be trusted, right? rapists are the absolute scum of the earth. and what’s worse is not knowing who is a rapist. someone in your circle of friends? someone you pass on the street? the person ahead of you in line at starbucks? so you close yourself off from someone who has that power over you. maybe just a little bit, but you’re aware of how you could be hurt. you make plans in your head about how you’d escape if you were attacked; you’re aware of the person behind you at the atm; you go quiet when they start talking about how they treated their dates. 

and if a guy said “not all men are rapists!” you’d say, “yeah, but all men can be rapists.” 

white women, honestly, cannot be trusted. we have endorsed and enabled slavery. we have joined the kkk and we have thrown rotten fruit at children who are walking to school. we have spit on black women who tried to fight for suffragette rights alongside us. we have formed and worked in organizations that sterilize black women without their knowledge. we turn into teachers who demonize little black boys for being too “loud” and “masculine” when they’re only being kids. we do little shitty things like try to touch black women like they’re exotic animals, and say that hispanic neighborhoods look “shady,” and tell women of color that there aren’t enough white heroines yet and that black women need to wait their turn to be important. 

it makes sense that people of color would put up their barriers and make escape plans from us. with that history, when have we really been allies? when have we been anything but fair-weather friends who love beyonce but think “ghetto” black girls are trashy? how can they know which one of us is one of the nearly 70% of white women in america who voted for trump? which one of us in starbucks or passing by on the street would betray them - has already betrayed them? 

I accept that women of color will be afraid/wary of me at first sight.  I don’t blame them for that.  Instead of being angry that they would class me with other white women, I’m just going to be that much more aware of times and places where I can use the privilege of my skin color to try and make them safer.  Even if the next one that sees me is still afraid.

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

I guarantee the woman with the Trump bumpersticker on her gas guzzling SUV sees my white (not young) face in the Kroger and assumes I voted like she did. She smiles at me, but gives sass to the young Muslim girl in a hijab who works at the store. And until we own that, we can’t respond to the fact that 2/3 of us voted for Trump with a “not me.” It’s a badge we haven’t earned and we can’t wear it.