she's a saint / she's a villain

                    #HEKSBLADE.   IF I CAN’T HAVE LOVE,  I WANT POWER  .

a friends focused multi-muse that features only original characters,  as loved by lizzie. please read rules before following. this blog is 18+ as mun is 21+. 

         jiwoon was quite a competitive person, but he found that he hadn’t minded hugely that he’d lost, which was definitely a strange feeling for him. her smile was really nice, he found. perhaps he’d let her live a little bit longer, curious to see more of her.

         “ I think I will be pretty good at the dance one, yes. ”  he chuckled.

         they played a couple more of the games together, some he won, some he lost. in general he was having a pretty good day. perhaps he should impulsively agree to hang out with people more often, even though he knew valarie would likely have called this a horrible idea.

         “ we’ve acquired quite an amount of winning tickets. do you want to pick out a prize? ”  he held out the ones that he’d won as well. he wasn’t overly interested in picking something out with them.

       she hadn’t had this much fun in a long time.  streaming was one thing,  the games that she played there were fun.  and the people were fun too.  but it didn’t really compare to this day,  and living in a moment like this.  she didn’t think it would have been so fun.  she hadn’t done anything like this in forever...  and the connection felt real.  she had to pause a couple of times to remember that he was probably just trying to keep up appearances.

she figured that he would get into trouble if anyone found out that he had been out with her like this.  as much as she wanted to post the videos that she’d taken,  she knew she wouldn’t be allowed to do that.

        he studied them carefully with eyes hidden behind brightly coloured contacts. there was a significant part of him that felt like he had to question this. there was a reason he was careful, after all. people didn’t often respond kindly to murder  —  and jiwoon didn’t feel like prison was in the cards for him. however, valarie had just as much to lose if he did.

        and yet, would it not make sense for valarie to understand? they often saw eye-to-eye when it came to art and other things, and this might be no different. his gaze dropped to their hand. he reached out and took it, even if only symbolically.

        “ perhaps you are right. ”  his careful gaze didn’t leave them.  “ I am not yet done here, will you wait? ”

      they exhaled when they felt his hand in their own.  they felt relief that he didn’t want them gone.  they had as much to lose as the other if this got out.  they hoped he knew that they were trustworthy,  they wouldn’t share these secrets with anyone.

their eyes focus on the scene behind him.  they knew that they had interrupted him,  part of them was scared of surrounding themselves with something like this again.  but the reasonable part of them knew that even if their motivation lay on opposite paths;  the actions ended in the same result.  they really were just as bad as each other.

         there were plenty of different thoughts coursing through his mind, and he was uncertain which one to address first. he had never intended for anyone to find out, and he had always figured that if someone did find out, he would have to kill them. jiwoon didn’t want to kill valarie, though. he hadn’t suspected they would ever find out.

         he took a step back from them so he could think more clearly. blade twirled between his fingers. he hadn’t finished here yet, and that was also limiting his ability to process much else. he didn’t like an unfinished project  —  it was the same with this.

         “ what do you mean, we’re the same? ”  he finally asked, uncertain what they could possibly mean by that.

       they sigh lightly as he stepped away from them.  part of them wished that he would just let them in.  valarie let their mind wander for a moment,  they were amused of the thought of what would happen if they had instead been hajoon.  the ugly part of them believed that he would instead be begging for him to forgive him.  valarie could laugh at that notion,  how could he have accepted this?

they shake their head at his question.  ‘  you know what i mean by that.  you’ve never felt like it makes sense that we’re both here?  ‘  they stay their distance away from him now.  they didn’t want to overwhelm him.

         when the answer of  ‘ no ’  came, he couldn’t help but chuckle. fingers continued to run through his hair, his own eyes slipping closed again for the moment. jiwoon wasn’t interested in getting up yet, but he didn’t want to be the only person awake.

         he glanced down a little, finding the sight of hajoon cuddling him like that quite heartwarming. he smiled, thinking that he could probably spend the entire day like this if no one stopped him.

         “ alright… but I don’t want to go back to sleep. I’m awake. ”  he teased, poking the top of his head gently.

       hajoon whines again when jiwoon poked the top of his head.  ‘  well maybe you shouldn’t be awake,  that doesn’t seem like my problem.  ‘  he mutters.  but he could already feel his sleepiness wearing off with how much he was complaining.  well,  he supposed he could make this jiwoon’s problem for the rest of the day.  hajoon had had no intent to wake up yet.

‘  if the others realize we’re awake,  then we won’t get to stay here.  ‘  he complains more.  he supposed that he’d just woken up in this mood.  he felt like being whiny,  and just a little bratty.

@heksblade​

         he was waking up, or at least, becoming aware that he was. he didn’t open his eyes and continued to doze for what was probably a couple hours at this point. neither jiwoon nor hajoon had a schedule today, and he was pretty determined to be as lazy as possible. they had both received quite a bit of media attention with their little stunt, and jiwoon was exhausted.

         he reached up, his fingers lazily carding through hajoon’s hair. his eyes opened slowly, met with the sight of his messy pink hair. some black roots were growing back in, and he noticed the pink had lightened a little as well. perhaps they should refresh it soon.

         “ you up? ”  he yawned, and continued to run his fingers through his hair. he was glad they had a double bed again. he felt like they were both sleeping a lot better like this.

        he slowly became aware of fingers that were running through his hair.  he didn’t want to wake up yet,  and he definitely didn’t want to leave the bed.  the number of interviews they’d had to do recently,  he was tired.  he didn’t want to move today.  he whines when jiwoon spoke,  burying his face in his chest.  

‘  no.  ‘  came his answer.  having the double bed back was a blessing,  it was much more comfortable to sleep together this way.  he’d almost been sure that valarie would tell them they weren’t allowed.

        he breathed out slowly, but it did click in that moment. hajoon wasn’t necessarily angry with him, he was jealous. that almost made it harder than before. he knew how to deal with angry people. he didn’t know how to deal with jealousy.

        “ so what if she has my number? ”  he reflected back.  “ it’s not a ticket to anything. she can ask in person or through texts, I’m going to keep saying no. what are you worried about? ”  jiwoon was a lot of things, but a cheater wasn’t one of them. of course, he’d never dated before now, but he didn’t need to to know that about himself. he would never betray someone he cared about that had decided to trust him.

        at his question, though, he opened his mouth like he was about to respond, before closing it again with a soft click of teeth. truthfully, he didn’t even have an answer. it’s not like he counted them or something, and a lot of them he forgot about. he figured it was a number hajoon would find uncomfortable, though.

        “ can I answer a different question? ”  he finally responded after a while. he shook his head.  “ it doesn’t matter, hajoon. I haven’t slept with anyone since eunwoo because… ”  he sighed quietly. he still found it hard to say these things, sometimes.  “ because of you. ”

        he shrugs a little.  he’d never been in this position before,  he’d never dated and he’d never been intimate with someone before jiwoon.  he didn’t know how to react to certain situations,  and this was one of the situations he didn’t know how to react to.  it felt like something to be concerned about;  but they were jiwoon’s past,  right?

he couldn’t help feeling disheartened by jiwoon’s avoidance of answering how many people he’d been with.  even if it was just one night,  how many people had had jiwoon?  his pout deepened a little as he studied jiwoon,  leaning against the display table.  ‘  i don’t know what i’m worried about,  ‘  he mutters after another moment.

        he furrowed his brows at him. he wasn’t certain how to respond. should he leave, or insist? this was one of those relationship things where he didn’t know what to do. he knew from his own stupid behaviour at times that he often refused things when he did actually want them, but he didn’t know if that’s what was going on here.

        jiwoon didn’t feel like he’d done anything wrong. he’d slept with her before they dated, and he couldn’t control running into people he’d slept with. especially when they were this pushy and insistent.

        “ are you really faulting me for having a good memory? ”  he was a little annoyed. he’d wanted to pick him up and drive him somewhere. perhaps they could walk through a park. maybe even hold hands. they could get some tteokbokki from a street vendor and watch the sun go down before going home. you know, cheesy shit he saw in films and dramas. that’s what he’d wanted to do, but now his mood was sour.

        when eunwoo came back out of the shop with her purchase, she gave him a smile.  “ bye, jiwoon. ”  she said casually, before walking off with her flowers. he hadn’t replied, just given her a nod before he focusing his stare back on hajoon.

        “ do you want me to be pissed at you because you are, in theory, engaged? ”  he asked him.  “ do you think that would be fair of me? I can’t control who I run into and how they talk to me the same way you can’t control that. ”

        his gaze followed eunwoo until she was a good distance away from the store.  he hoped that she didn’t come back here,  and found a different florists store.  his arms crossed over his chest,  he glanced into the store.  the manager didn’t seem too bothered,  she probably thought hajoon was making some kind of sale.

‘  no,  i’m not faulting you for having good memory.  just...  i don’t like that you remember that much.  ‘  he figured that was a petty feeling,  he didn’t particularly like that he felt it.  he’d never had to deal with being jealous of anyone else before.  it was a little difficult to get over and now he just felt like making things equally difficult.

        he could feel the bitter energy coming off hajoon in waves, even if he hadn’t spoken at all. jiwoon felt a little guilty. it had been his idea to keep their relationship quiet for now, but he knew it was in both of their best interests to do so. he didn’t like upsetting people too much who he needed to keep interacting with in some manner. he preferred to make his life easy, not hard.

        “ eunwoo is a vocal coach for trainees at moonlight entertainment. she started working there two years ago, from my knowledge. ”  he’d picked up on it in their small talk before they had both gotten to the point.  “ we work in completely different parts of the building so I didn’t think I’d see her again, and I didn’t… but then I run into her here. ”  he sighed, shaking his head.  “ look, I hooked up with her once after a christmas party. I’d forgotten all about her until I saw her just now. ”

        eunwoo was pretty, but in the long run she wasn’t his type anyway. he didn’t like people that were overly pushy like she was. it could be hot, sometimes, but he preferred to be the person in control of situations. it was what he liked about hajoon a lot to be honest. he was assertive when he needed to be, but didn’t mind letting jiwoon set the pace for things most of the time.

        “ I came here for you. I wanted to take you home. ”

       he hummed as he listened to jiwoon speak about eunwoo.  his brow arched as jiwoon said that he’d slept with her.  he knew not everyone was going to be like him,  and he could also rationalise that of course jiwoon might have slept with other people.  hajoon was pretty sure he’d known that before this moment.  but jiwoon having said it wasn’t the same as seeing a person he’d been with.  the feeling wasn’t anything more negative than jealously,  but it was a potent feeling nonetheless.  part of him had wanted to be the first person that would have jiwoon in all capacities,  like jiwoon was hajoon’s first for everything.

he shrugged.  ‘  you remember a lot about her,  ‘  he murmurs.  he wanted to stop himself,  but he couldn’t help how he felt,  even though it was dumb.  he thought about that night over the holiday period where jiwoon hadn’t come home.  he figured that might have been the night he’d been with eunwoo.