hello, I'm Mrs. Flowers

I miss myself. Why is it so hard to keep myself happy, it’s exhausting. I spent so much time regretting the decisions I’ve made constantly I can’t shake this feeling of utter disappointment with myself and surroundings. My mom wants the best but she’s old constantly putting her problems on me telling me that I’m going to be taking care of the bills and her when I start working that’s kind of the reason I haven’t started working again I want to work for myself not my moms household anymore since I was in high school any time I’d get money I’d give it to her knowing she needed the money reason number one why I don’t have a FUCKING CAR!! I’m tired of hiding out in my room feeling incompetent because I don’t work I didn’t go to school for what I wanted all my creative energy goes to waking up and existing I have nothing but a five year old phone that won’t keep a charge and a bf who means well but puts me down every chance he gets I kno he’s tired too but fuck. I want out so bad and I don’t know what to do anymore. My dad lives in California with his sister and he’s offered that I go up there again but the last time I did I worked and worked till I ran away. And that didn’t help because the stress I caused I feel I’m responsible for some hardships that resulted in my absence. I’m just tired of feeling this way all the time and no one can see or they do and it just doesn’t matter that much to them