Ivette ✯ 19 ✯ They/Them if you think made up pronouns are bad stay away from me. READ THIS BEFORE FOLLOWING OR MESSAGING ME (coming soon) ★UNDER CONSTRUCTION☆
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okay my new blog is ready. i'm gonna be sending the new url to mutual follows throughout the course of the day and dwhatever. message me if you want to know my new url if i forgot to send you it or if you are new to my blog and want to see where i've moved.
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jesus christ 10/10. x-acto blades are SO SMOOTH to achieve the depth, and carving ability with a lot of generic non-brand knives i've used is tough and takes a whole lot more effort.
Oh man I'm having like a...i don't know what kind of experience to describe this as but everything is racing and im feeling too much and freaking out and panicking and i started writing about it on twitter but then the feelings got more intense to the point of #suicide and #death and i don't feel comfortable writing about that on there so i'll put it here under a cut. the ??? is because i feel like im disassociatingor something but i'm not sure and i'm not sure what to describe what im feeling right now.
so here's what i started writing on twitter will copy and paste and move on from there:
"youtube.com/watch?v=5lN697w97dE … this song seriously just made me burst out into tears. i'm crying rly badly it's so beautiful and everything.
IM SOBBINF BC IM LISTENING TO THAT SONG AND I READ A REALLY INCREDIBLE BLOG POST ABOUT A GIRL WHOHAS MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS AND HOW SHE cONNECTED TO THANE'S CHARACTER AND HIS DISEASE AND DEATH AND FEELS IF HED BEEN CURED THAT WOULD HAVE FELt likE A SLAP TO THE FACE
I'm legitimately uncontrollably sobbing oh my god
Tbh I'm feeling too much rn like way too much not because of that post but it's like I'm thinking about everything at once like Thinking about sci-fi as a whole, akira (the movie), music, what I want out of life, what I want to do, what I need to do, my past, My possible future, what I've done wrong, what I'm afraid I'll do wrong, what I want to do, what I wish I could do, how I wish things were Death, life, everything and it's all racing by smmsnksjd
I'm tempted to wtch akira again at 12 am but that seems like a bad idea bc the first time I watched it I had an experience like the one I'm Having and it lasted for hours lol
I can't calm down nice
Sometimes, like with mass effect 3, everything feels like it's too much to take in at once
Which is probably why I haven't been playing mass effect 3 for a while now. It feels like I'm not ready
I feel I Ike rambling about everything too much going on at once I'm overloading lol"
End twitter rant.
I wasn't triggered or anything by the post that lady wrote it started to get me thinking about the fic that i am writing and i think i won't write the fic or at least it'll take a break and i'll work on other stuff. maybe? idk. it just feels wrong and maybe i should work on other stuff.
but omg i started thinking about everything all of a sudden and everything is racing and i've been crying for the past hour almost nonstop.
and now i'm in this weird state where i usually feel really fucking insignificant in the grand scheme of things which is true but i feel a weird intense feeling of suicide and wanting to destroy myself. i feel like i'm 19 years old almost 20 and i've done not only jack shit with my life but i've also hurt enough people in my past and already fucked up so much i need to kill myself to atone for things.
in a weird way like i fucked up ! this is the only chance i get in this life and i fucked up so much! i need to kill myself! i need to be reborn! i need to start again!
i am dry heaving auhh
but yeah i feel like i need to restart i need to end it! i am worthless and done too much wrong and need to be cleansed! i need to die!! i am now stuck in this train of thought whe n i wanted to say so much mre
Btw my new blog is coming along well. Already got a theme for it, and did the short about and long about page. Now I need to settle on a URL, and make a tags page.
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if you think that services are being shut down everywhere because the government are powerless to stop nefarious poor people (who secretly aren’t poor but are actually richer than the rich or some shit) from tricking them out of all their money and are forced to close down everything you might be a fucking monster
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
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