Tooth fairies are a smaller and friendlier subspecies of the larger and much more hostile bone fairies.

Thank you for this bespoke nightmare

bro forget that how much money do i get for a femur under my pillow

I’ve never seen anything this funny in my goddamned life

don’t you hate it when money goes away when you spend it

Get in loser, we’re going to the farmers’ market

we would be so lost without garlic

Absolutely off the shits

“Wildin’ in the pollen”

lost in the sauce

only the true king could remove the sword from the stone…. no one else could…… they didn’t have…. arthurization

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”