not yet in the history books

“What do you mean you ain’t got no clue?!” Sirius exclaimed, giving his feet a kick. “Get me out of here Lils!” His voice growing a bit panicky as his phobia for tight spaces started to set in. His side was hurting from the pressure and he felt an enormous pressure on his chest. It also didn’t help the the bag of gifts was resting somewhere on his shoulder and head.

One of his boots fell off and he tried to kick the other one off, his black hole-y socks dangling was quite the sight. At least the beeping had stopped.

“God damnit!” He cursed, wiggling his body but shoulders skinned the rough brick. “Stupid English architecture and their pointless fucking chimneys that no one uses anymore…” He muttered, his head knocking the inside of the wall.

“Yah yah, let’s try that!” He exclaimed, happy at least for some attempt of a solution. He felt arms wrap around his legs.

“Okay ouch, yup that’s my kidney.” He grunted as his back hit a brick that jutted out too far. “And my balls,” he winced. “Lily what the fuck are you doing to me down there? You don’t need to undress me, just get me out of here.” He laughed though still in a bit of pain.

He could feel his pants slipping down, as that was the only thing that was moving despite their efforts. “Here can you try grabbing my legs, not my pants,” he coached.

This seemed hopeless. Shit, how was he gunna get out?

“Yah that is actually my wand, don’t get any dirty ideas you with your sick mind an’ all.” He teased. “Can you actually grab it from my pocket and I’ll try and get my hand free.” He said, wiggling a hand down his body trying to push his shoulder as far as it would go without dislocating it.

“I should be a fucking contortionist in the circus!” He cheered as his hand peeked out from the hole of the chimney finally and waved at her.

Oh, this was bad, this was really, really bad in so many bad ways... And it was also kind of funny, Lily decided as she watched Sirius struggle to free himself of the chimney. That he was so disgruntled only made it more amusing, and while they worked together to free him, she couldn’t wholly keep from laughing every now and then.

“Good job,  I’d give you that circus job!” she cheered when he waved at her. She playfully grabbed his hand and shook it, even going so far as to say, “good morning, Mister Black, welcome to our humble abode. I hope you’re not finding the chimney too ashy for your liking...”

But of course that didn’t mean he wasn’t stuck anymore. She scratched the back of her bedhead-covered head and tried to take it more seriously. “Alright, since we’ve got you this far already... Let me see, I could try engorgio on the chimney, but it’s not much further and I’d rather not risk enlargening you as well.” She crouched on the floor and got a good grip on his legs. “Brace!” she warned, and yanked with all her strength.

who is more likely to hurt the other? Severuswho is emotionally stronger? On the surface: Severus. In reality: Lilywho is physically stronger? Severus, barely.who is more likely to break a bone? Severuswho knows best what to say to upset the other? They both know exactly how to upset each other, but Severus is the one more likely to actually do it.who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? Severuswho treats who’s wounds more often? who is in constant need of comfort? Severuswho gets more jealous? Severuswho’s most likely to walk out on the other? Severus will march off if he feels himself getting angry. Lily will march off when Severus stonewalls or refuses to apologise for a cruel joke or comment.who will propose? who has the most difficult parents? Severuswho initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? Lilywho comes up for the other all the time? If Lily calls, Severus is there at once, but Lily is there for Severus before even when he doesnt realise he needs her.who hogs the blankets? Lilywho gets more sad? Lily. who is better at cheering the other up? Lilywho’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes? Lilywho is more streetwise? Severuswho is more wise? Lilywho’s the shyest? Severuswho boasts about the other more? Severuswho sits on who’s lap? Lily sits on Severus more often, but he has been known to lean on her more often.

“But no living man am I! You look upon a woman.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

He held her ginger head against his shoulder almost like a father holding a child his other hand running up and down her back in an attempt to sooth the gasped sobs that raged through her tiny frame.

“Lily…it’s normal. It’s okay to feel like this, like…like you’re going insane with preoccupation. It’d be more concerning if you weren’t” he muttered into her hair, where he guessed her ear was located “But yes, as cheesy as it might sound, there’s a reason why people insist on it, you’ve got to think about the baby. Of course it’ll still be affected, but we want to reduce those chances, right?”

He thanked God that when he spoke in a hushed tone, the croaked shiver in his own voice could pass undetected. He wanted to hold on to hope, hope that his words made some sense at all and that they would become a reality. That James would walk through that door ranting about the fact that they hadn’t prepared any chocolate for him. That Marlene would jump right behind him, screaming about wanting some chocolate too, and that everything would somehow be all right again.

She knew all these things and could speak of them with conviction, and yet... Her hands tightened on Remus’s clothes and she buried her face at his shoulder again, eyes tightly closed against the tears threatening to overwhelm her. “I don’t doubt James, I just doubt the rest of the world... Remy, I doubt everything else, and then I feel awful because I shouldn’t be doubting and then I feel even more awful because he’s not the only one...”

She abruptly pulled away from Remus, bringing half a step of distance between them, and wiped at her reddened eyes. She had to look a fright, her hair a bird’s nest, but hell if she cared. “He’s not the only one taken,” she said. She inhaled shakily. “There’s so many of our side who have been taken, they’re our friends, and yet I’m only sitting here blubbering over James when I should be supporting other people...”

And she knew, deep down, that she was in no shape to be helping anyone else when she couldn’t even help herself. Lily knew it, but that didn’t mean that she could accept it easily. She’d always held herself up some higher standard, had defined herself not so much over her own achievements, but over what she could do to help others.

Marlene McKinnon + Lily Potter Moodboard:

“Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice Yeah, I wanna scream and shout”.  

-Shania Twain, Man! I Feel Like A Woman.

She knew why, of course. Even though they were friends Alice was, first and foremost, almost addicted to following the rules. She knew that everything had it’s proper place and found comfort in the rules that way. Maybe comfort was the wrong way to explain it, but it was the only logical thing Alice could produce at that point. Her fingers twitched slightly, and to stop her hands from shaking she grabbed her cup and took a long sip.

“I know,” she confessed quietly. She looked down at her hands, all unhappiness with a good helping of old-fashioned shame. “I know because it did go wrong, so I can’t even say you’re a worrywart, and I don’t, I just...” She bit down on her bottom lip, hard. “I’m not saying we went about it smartly, or right, I’m just saying... I’m saying we had to. Because somebody had to act.”

Yet it wasn’t the first time she had been involved in missions undertaken by more determined groups within the Order, and neither time had it yielded the results they hoped for. The Easter kidnappings still weighed heavily on her. Having to release their painstakingly captured Death Eaters without a single confession...

“It must be tough dealing with that, for everyone in the family.” 

“Now that’s a shocker” Marlene thought sarcastically, but kept it to herself. It was still a better remark than the common “sorry”s that had become so overused by the human population, it completely lacked meaning anymore. Besides, she rather appreciated the Lily went far enough to include her whole family and not just her, like most would’ve done. It made her concern sound genuine and her perception much more realistic. Her mother’s depression did, after all, take its toll on everyone in the family.

“Well, Eyrin doesn’t have a clue of what’s happening yet. Artis and Connor are aware that there’s something…off with mum, but they don’t know much more. Abigail is just starting to comprehend the magnitude of the real thing” Marlene mumbled, before realizing Lily had no reason to know her siblings like James did, and flashing her what might have been an apologetic smile if she’d actually managed to smile “Uh…those are my younger brothers and sisters. The rest of us are fully aware, of course”.

Way too aware. Marlene more than anyone, not only understood that her mother suffered from depression, but also how she suffered it, what she suffered with. In fact, the only thing she had failed in understanding was the why. Even though she lived in the same Hell pit her mother did, she had yet to figure out that. Probably no one had the answer, not even mum.

The blonde squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. How was she holding up? Pretty much like her own mother, or at least she would be if it wasn’t for the medications she took regularly and her improved alcoholic resistance. After years of watching his wife struggling, Angus McKinnon, a man way more perceptive than he seemed and definitely more than the average, managed to detect at an early age that Marlene was going down the same road, and took her straight to see a professional. Up to this day, Marlene wasn’t sure if that had been for better or for worse, though her father seemed to believe the first, and frankly, she preferred to do so too.

But how was she going to tell Lily any of that? There were very few people who knew about Marlene and her inner struggles. Those who knew the full story of her demons were even less; only her father, Duncan, Eva and James. All family members (James couldn’t be considered anything else but a brother to her). She’d always had half a mind of telling someone outside of her family circle if only to get a fresh perspective of support. But who? Not even Remus, who was so perceptive and sensitive to other people’s emotions, or Evan, who had a way of talking his way into her thoughts. And definitely not Sirius. She had many friends, good friends, like Tilden or Fabian, but none seemed adequate. None had ever felt right.

She cast a shy side-ways glance at Lily and wondered, bitting her lower lip.

“I…it’s hard, Lily. It’s…it’s like-” she was going to say something simple, commonly used but accurate, like being on a constant climb or trying to swim the Black Lake with her feet and hands tied, but instead she felt something similar to a snap inside her and from one moment to the next, Marlene’s voice broke and she had to look down and breath several times to keep herself from crying. It did not work. 

Lily nodded along while Marlene slowly worked her way through this, and it was obvious that this was hard work for her. It wasn’t easy, not at all, it looked like Marlene had to fight for every word she she shared. So Lily listened, and nodded, and tried to send vibes of sympathy - but without coming across as pitying. When her parents were murdered everybody had tutted and showered her with body, it hadn’t made her feel better, it had just made her angry with the world.

And now she could see Marlene struggling again. It’s hard, she forced out, and then Lily could see something crack right there in front of her eyes. She made a soft sympathetic noise at the back of her throat. The tears that Lily had been bracing herself for came, and hell, Lily had never been good at keeping her distance. She got close and wrapped her arms around Marlene, and tucked her head against her shoulder.

“Shush,” she whispered, gently rocking her, “shush, it’s okay... Just let it all out.” She tried to ignore her own worries and concerns, this wasn’t about her and her worries about how well she was handling the situation, it was about Marlene’s well-being. “Needing to cry sometimes, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s important. You can’t be strong all the time, sometimes you’ve got to let go.”

It was easy to say and offer comfort to others, but she was not so good at it herself. When she was the one suffering she liked to play at being tough and unshakeable. Maybe they were not so much unlike another, really.