Beauty for Ashes 👸 Pheer L'epher

I had my first session of a class I’m taking called “Developing Intimacy With God.”

During prayer, I said, “Father I feel so lonely”.

He said “Yes I miss you too.”

Confused by the Fathers response, I said, “Father what do you mean? That has nothing to do with what I just said to you.”

He said, “actually it has everything to do with what I just said to you. Deen, loneliness is a lie. It actually doesn’t exist. You compartmentalize your life and only include me in the spiritual parts of your life, when I actually want to be included in every part of your life- spiritual or unspirutual. And I am a part of your spiritual and unspirutual life- I’ve never left you nor have I forsaken you. But you keep trying to strive into my presence, when I’ve been sitting next to you this whole time, waiting for you to acknowledge Me.”

I wept. Then I asked Father, “okay, so what would my life look like if I didn’t compartmentalize where I include you?”

He said:

It would look like you waking up in the morning and see me sitting on the end of your bed, smiling over you. Hearing me wish you good morning.

It would look like asking me what makeup look you should do today- I gave you the gift of art and you’re so good at it. I’d love to help you!

It would look like holding my hand in the car on your drive to work.

It would look like introducing your non believer friends and family to me in day to day life.

When you get hungry throughout the day, I want to go to lunch with you. I want to go to the grocery store with you. I want to eat a meal with you and just spend time hearing about your day.

When you are frustrated and disappointed and you’re having a bad day, I want to be the Rock you can lean on. I want you to lay your head on my chest and let me comfort you- I can handle you having a bad day.

I’m not a Father who just wants to do the “spiritual things” with you.

I want to read my Word with you and reveal to you all of the mysteries of the Kingdom AND I want to go to the movies with you.

I want to watch you worship AND I want to go for a walk with you in the park.

I want to sit with you and hear all of your prayers BUT I also want to talk with you while you’re bored at work.

I want to give you endless amounts of powerful, unexplainable Holy spiritual experiences, but I also want to be with you in the seemingly mundane.

I created you to be intimate with me, not just in church, not just in prayer, not just in worship, not just in times of need, but in ALL that you do.

I love you Deen. I want to spend the rest of your earthly life with you, just as much as I want to spend eternity with you. “

And in that moment, a grace came over me and unlocked my heart.

In worship I wasn’t just singing along with words on a screen, but I saw each word come to life and I understood them completely for the first time.

I didn’t strive to feel your presence in my prayers today because I knew you were sitting right next to me, holding my hand.

Realizing that you’ve been sitting there waiting for me to acknowledge you all along, has unlocked my heart to intimacy and has changed the way I see and experience the Father forever.

So, I grab hold of what I do know.

I do know God is a God of protection. God’s love for me is so consuming, He can only have my best interest in mind.

I do know God is a God of provision. God’s plans for me are good even if they don’t align with mine. He will provide but probably not in the way I expect.

I do know God is a God of process. God’s process to develop my character to match my calling might include me having to learn to let go of something I treasure.

So that’s where I park my mind, my emotions, and my trust.

It’s not the tidiest parking spot on the lot. It doesn’t make the loss sting less.

Because you know in your heart that when it comes between you and God, it makes a whole lot sense.

But I promise you, as it gets tougher, your heart gets stronger too.