Heavy Browsing

Click through for our super fun round up of spring sweaters, Hunt & Gather!

Divya: Apparently somebody really needs to remember to shave above the knee.

Alison: Her thigh mustaches need trimming.

Price: $545       Availability: In Stock

(via Opening Ceremony)

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Heavy Browsing: Collecting the Best of the Worst of Online Shopping

Some people have one true love. We’re lucky enough to have two: chatting online and shopping. They both made great dates for Valentine’s day, don’t worry. Seeing as we’ve been shopping online for nearly ten years, there’s no subject we’re better qualified to cover. And, that includes the fields in which we have degrees and professional experience. We browse our favorite shopping sites to bring our readers the best of the worst of what’s online (outside of pictures of cats and other people’s weddings, of course). Then, we come up with funny comments.

We think it’s pretty neat (which is also how we take our whiskey), and people seem to agree. We’ve even been featured on some of our favorite sites: Refinery29, Refinery29 (again!), Laughing Squid, The Hairpin, Buzzfeed, and MTV. We’ve included an example above, but you can also take a look at some others on our Tumblr. Thanks for your time and consideration. Divya & Alison

Divya: I like it when my track jackets combine elements of feline portraiture with the religious and allegorical symbolism of 17th century Flemish vanitas funerary art.

Alison: I just like it when there are cat faces on my boobs.

Price: $1812       Availability: In Stock

D: Time to put the sex appeal back into helping children cross the street.

A: Safety first. Self-respect last.

Price: $116      Availability: In Stock

D: High-waisted pants.

A: I like to tuck in my boobs.

Price: $1495      Availability: In Stock

(via Shopbop)

A: That’s what happens when you fellate a hot dog.

D: Someone just got home from an adult-themed barbeque.

Price: $215      Availability: Sold Out

D: Hey, my eyes are up here.

A: Hey, my boobs are down here.

Price: $470      Availability: In Stock

D: What not to wear when you plan to urinate in a public pool.

A: Well, what am I supposed to wear then?!

Price: $355      Availability: Sold Out

D: It looks like you’re supposed to carry 40s in the pockets, which would, in fact, actually make these shorts awesome.

A: And here I’ve been carrying 40s in my purse all this time.

Price: $1,000      Availability: In Stock

A: Finally, pants that can truly accommodate a well-endowed man.

D: Out: boyfriend pants. In: best boyfriend ever pants.

Price: $400      Availability: Sold Out

D: Every man needs a nice, professional slingback.

A: You can wear these to business casual beaches.

Price: $59      Availability: In Stock

D: Nothing moisturizes my lips like a cat’s face.

A: Only the contours of a cat’s ears and snout can provide that uneven application I’m looking for.

Price: $25      Availability: In Stock

A: Never trust a fart.

D: Or a juice cleanse.

Price: $88      Availability: In Stock

(via Zappos)

D: Little House on the Prairie: SVU.

A: This will be perfect for my upcoming Amish-themed sex party.

Price: $450      Availability: Sold Out

D: Her pockets need a bikini wax.

A: I thought she was carrying two merkins. Wait, why does she need TWO merkins?

Price: $1950      Availability: Flash Sale

A: That would make shaking hands at networking events a little tricky.

D: More like trick or treat-y.

Price: $200      Availability: In Stock

D: I am not a plastic bag.

A: HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY.

Price: $870      Availability: In Stock