Heavier Things.

Especially because I always feel like no one actually wants to with me.

1. What did you do in 2025 that you’d never done before?

Went to Houston for clinicals, rented an apartment for 2 months by myself. Had a cat for a while (sort of). Passed my ARRT, became a registered rad tech. Started a new job.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I think I told myself to drink more water and fix my posture. Barely kept up with that... I'll probably keep that for next year, but will probably give up quickly.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

–

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

–

6. What would you like to have in 2026 that you lacked in 2025?

Joji.

7. What date from 2025 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I don't know, 9/2: First day of my new job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Graduated, passed my ARRT, leaving an old job (of almost 11 years) for a new one.

9. What was your biggest failure?

(Not leaving that job sooner)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Tickets to Grizzly Bear.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Is this ever a thing?

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Literally everybody. Fuck all of you (especially the techs during my clinicals)

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, school.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Grizzly Bear.

16. What song will always remind you of 2025?

Honestly, I feel like I revisited old songs - so I was obsessed with "Melatonin" by Carter Vail for a while.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder.

ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? I feel poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Skating. Taking pictures.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Being alive. Being sent to our fucking farthest locations for work.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Adam and I watched Avatar 3.

21. Did you fall in love in 2025?

With someone new? Carter Vail.

22. How will you be spending New Years?

Working.

23. How many one-night stands?

0.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

I started The Crown..?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No?

26. What was the best book you read?

[I read??]

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Nothing's really standing out to me.

28. What did you want and get?

To see Grizzly Bear. And whatever else I bought through tiktok, like a new nightstand and TV console.

29. What did you want and not get?

For Carter Vail to be playing in California during his tour.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

I feel like I watched Leo multiple times this year.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 34. I cried and bought myself a piece of cake.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?

If I didn't have to go through fluoro training. Or if I got a closer seat when I went to see Grizzly Bear. Maybe even having a better time during clinicals and not having to deal with the cunt techs.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2024?

Scrubs.

34. What kept you sane?

Naps.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Carter Vail.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

–

37. Who did you miss?

Adam. Kage.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

When I came back from Texas, a coworker at my old job, who started while I was gone. There were also some students I met while on clinicals in Texas who helped make that experience a little better.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024:

???

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

The only thing that comes to mind is:

I didn't remember her by name when I saw her on the schedule, but recognized her face immediately when we called her back. And she confirmed herself after I had asked if she used to be go to Dr. So-and-so's office, and luckily she thought I looked familiar.

I don't know why it really stuck with me that I'm the probably almost 2 years I had seen her last, I found out she was physically attacked and her husband was murdered. I think especially because was there, essentially, because she was still physically suffering as a result of that horrible thing.

Before I went on my way after handing her off to another modality, I asked if I could give her a hug and told her it was really nice seeing her again and that I was sorry what had happened.

It just made me sad because I feel like she was a regular patient of mine, and I felt she probably became one of the patients I would vent to about how much I hated my old job and she would listen. And I never got to keep in touch.

I left my job of 11 years at a podiatrist office to work at a medical imaging company as an X-ray technologist.

It's fine.

So far, the only thing that sucks is feeling like the weird, new person that no one wants to talk to. Kind of just how it's always been for me in life; watching everyone be buddy-buddy with each other... even with other new hires pretty effortlessly, while I'm left alone like I have some disease. I try to make an effort; say good morning, try to make small talk. And yet... I always feel like no one likes me.

And I know that should be the least of my worries, I'm too old to care if people like me or not.

But it still sucks feeling lonely amongst people.

It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that it's already been a year since you have been gone.

I still remember exactly how I felt when I found out, and what it was like seeing you that day.

A few days after I came home from Texas, I visited you, and was curious to find a lot of ladybugs around your resting place.

I took to Google to see if there was any meaning to this, and happily read:

"Some believe ladybugs are messengers from the spirit world, confirming the presence of loved ones and their well-being. Ladybugs are often associated with good luck and positive change, suggesting that the deceased's spirit has found a new, brighter chapter."

Anyway, I decided to look them up... only to find an obituary from last year.