S☆L

this is final.

since june 2025 i’ve been told

“it’s like beating a dead horse”

but when i stop and walk away

all of a sudden the horse neigh

and i think to myself

“the horse isn’t dead!”

false hope.

the horse was dying, barely alive

it did nothing but lay

every once in a while, neigh.

i grew attached to a dying horse

a dead one.

i was never taught to respect the dead

but i’m trying to learn.

i was never taught to walk away or detach

but i’m learning how.

striving to be a better person

it’s hard when you move with a shattered heart

it’s sand now.

“you have to get a new horse now

it’ll eventually die again thou i need you to know that.

you can try and do everything in the world but

as long as you know to not beat a dead horse

to fight to make something work when it obviously won’t

then only you’re ready to get a new horse.

so stop being so hopeless.”

the horse died over a year ago

it’s okay to grieve and mourn

and it’s going to be hard to live with it

but you eventually have to stop.

respect the dead like you respect the living

because it eventually gets to a point.

(this isn’t about a horse..)

Topic of the day

Love on display

Heart on my cheek

Heart on my sleeve

When it comes to a partner, hopefully a life one

I do as I please, when I please

For me he fell to his knees.

We cry together

Lie together

May we die together

Because death do us part

It’s how we both live

But yet, with everyone around us

They all play a negative part

It’s like being a rock stuck between a hard place

Or is it being stuck between a rock and a hard place

Either way my heart is stuck in your pace

And i’d rather be in your space

You’d rather be in mine

But only if time could heal all wounds and scars

Maybe one days we can finally have a love that we can truly call “ours”

— Sol King (sulking)

you know what you’re right

in your eyes

in your life that can be the case

that means i have to remove myself from you and yours

you can continue to live like you owe me nothing

and i will continue to live like i owe you something

common courtesy

consideration

honesty

safety

kindness

respect

i live in love and life like i owe everything the bare minimum

the basics of humanity

that’s how community is formed and held together

we do not owe each other anything

to free yourself from the guilt of what you may feel

you owe me more than you know

how can you be a person if you do not owe anything

give and take

yet we owe each other nothing?

i treated you how i wanted to be treated but

you treated me how you feel about yourself and i

i take care of you

i am kind to you

i am everything and more to you

yet you owe me nothing?

i don’t do such things because i want something in return

i do it because it is who i am at my core

at the depths of my soul

so no you “do not owe me anything”

but just know i never gained anything from you

this is not to you were useless

but if in your head we don’t owe anything to others

then we have nothing to gain from others as well

your selfish and defensive thinking and movements

are the reasons why i chose not to stay.

you did not consider me and handle me with care

because (now i know) you believe you owed me nothing.

so since we owe each other nothing

i will not be kind or respectful or considerate or caring

i do not owe you that

i owe you nothing since you owe me nothing.

it takes less energy to treat you like nothing anyway

even if i love you with my entire soul..

I know you see the title and you must be wondering

Shit I'm wondering, too !

No, I don't actually take walks with anger

but let's put those thoughts aside.

He ain't nun special just like I thought he was.

He made me feel things I thought I wasn't capable of.

We were bonded.

He's an angry guy

Yes, I blow up, too

He got angry and his anger bleed on to me.

Years and years of work

Years and years of patience, grace, hope all down the drain.

I can get it back thou

And now I see that my anger is valid.

I could express it and approach it differently but

people try to be funny with me,

I don't fuck with people.

When I say it out loud

I really don't fuck with people.

I took many WAlks With Anger.

I've had unprotected talks and interactions and intimate moments with anger.

but..for some odd reason,

I’m in love with anger.

It’s my favorite.

He’s my favorite.

Without anger i am nothing,

a wreak.

but..with him

I’m my best and a wreck.

I enjoy the burning of the pain and it’s…

kind of like how I can see the beauty in things,

even the ugliest things

I see the beauty in anger.

I love anger and I hold anger close to my soul.

We’ve met before many times in many life’s.

What I’ve probably enjoyed most in this current life time is

my WAlk With Anger.

to live a life that’s free

what does that mean to me ?

that looks like going home without having to worry about work in the morning or 

what time i have to be sleep..

what does that mean to me ?

questions frequently asked by a 23 year old black woman

struggling with identity and self and worth and love

and more

fog in the brain 

what does that mean to me ?

oh you don’t know ?

a hidden insecurity..

what are you passionate about ?

what do you know ?

nothing ? 

then how could you expect to get through anything 

you want people to figure you out for you

figure things out for you..

who even are you ? 

what are you ?

what do you like ?

what don’t you like ?

what do you feel ?

what do you fill ?

the cup is overflowing 

and i would advise you stop pouring 

everything all at once

maybe take a sip or let it evaporate 

maybe get another cup for yourself 

pour it into a new one

a new version..

funny how life works

how things play out..

i guess that’s the game of life 

how to play the game called life

yet no one knows the real rules of the game itself 

everyone just plays along

you should do the same now. l

move on my love..

it’s time. 

you decided i wasn’t worth it keeping

you decided i wasn’t someone to keep in your life

until i was gone of course

you saw the damage and tried to make it better

i hate myself

i was dependent on you

i didn’t even know it

i love you

i didn’t even know it

i couldn’t admit it until you said it first

i hurt

i’m in pain

i hurt

love is patient love is kind

the highest form is consideration

at my worst

at my lowest

at my most evil

i still think about you

how would this affect you

will it help or hurt you

i thought you were the one

i thought you were my one

i thought we could have worked it out

but instead you gave what we had to another person

so quickly

to a person who you knew wanted to be with you

when you were with me

is that love ?

if you do not choose and continue to choose ?

if you do not value me

respect me enough to consider me

to communicate something so easily

but to end so abruptly

did you hate me ?

did i do something to deserve that ?

it was not my fault and i did not deserve that

in my worst

in my lowest

in my most evil

i still loved you

in your worst

in your lowest

in your most evil

i still loved you

but could you do the same ?

what is love..?

what does it feel ?

what does he fill ?

what do i fill ?

what do we fell and fill ?

the glass is already broken

there’s no way to depict whether

it’s half empty or half full anymore

because you cannot repair a broken glass..

S ame mistakes repeating simply because i love you and i would hope that you actually love me, too because our love would only be one of one:

E xplosive, our love could have been. that's how it felt when i would have sex with you but i can control myself when we aren't dealing with each other anymore.. how could you do me like that

L ove or lies. i don't know what to believe.. why do you display love in this way? now look at us. two dummies lost and confused, yearning for the other, missing the other. are we really happy or are we..

F earing for the watching eyes. we are always being watched. they know you and they know me but who really knows. when i'm with you i never cared to be my real self but without you, that's a different story all around.

-

D amn, every time we're good, i feel so high. you the light of my love the love of my light. i cannot be with out you which is why i hold on and hope one day i'll hopefully be enough for you.

E nough to feel whole again even if it means i have to be called dumb for loving you. for choosing you. but wait, you said i was everything and more..but what about her?

S he aint everything and more for you or are you lying to her, too? i don't know how i can trust again, if i can trust again. even if the proof is in the pudding, the facts are in my face, i must deny because i love you and i don't want to feel the pain that bears my soul

T ightrope. that's what our love feels like to me. tight hope, is all i have for us.

R ight or left? i'll go the opposite way as you.

U sually, i'm better than this but it's just something about you. i can't stop writing, wondering, hoping, watching, yearning, feeling, loving on you.

C ause i can't leave you alone but you can't leave me alone.

T ough cookie.

I love you more than me.

V ery bad time. What about right person wrong timing ? or that does that not exist ?

E verything happens for a reason, and i have a lot more questions.

(a high poem)