headset on fire

Right now you pay $40, if you want to upgrade it would be ten dollars more. "So how much would that be?"

To give you accurate pricing for your area, may I have your zip code, please? "Ugh, I already know that you service my area!"

"Yeah, my internet's not working, I think someone needs to come take a look at my waffle box."

Do you have any services with us? “No.” Okay, who do you use for your tv service? “We have your cable.”

"I'm unhappy with my security system!" I'm sorry ma'am, what is the issue you're having? "Someone's coming into my house and trimming all my cats! And the system didn't pick up anything!"

(customer chose "New customer" option) "I don't know if I'm a new customer or an existing customer." Okay ma'am, well-- "But the box I just added to my services isn't working."

Once again, my name is Ben-- (customer responds) No ma'am. Ben. As in Benjamin. Yes, thank you too. (call ends) That lady just asked me if my name was Anus.

Do you currently have anything for your TV service? "No." Okay, so you're not subscribed to our cable, or to a satellite company? "Nope!" Okay, well here are our TV and internet offers for $xx.xx "But I already got your TV service."

Do you own your own wireless router or do you rent it from (company)? "Oh, I own my own router than I rent from (company)."

"I need Instagram!" Instagram? "Instagram! Instagram! I need Instagram!" I'm sorry ma'am, but-- (to someone in the background) "What's it called again?" (from the background) "Instagram!" "Yeah I need Instagram!" Ma'am, we don't-- "Wifi! I want to disconnect my internet and get wifi!"

What is the nearest road that intersects with yours? "Uh, there isn't one. No road intersects with ours."

"Yes, how much is your cable and internet? I'm going to be moving to (town) and I'm curious." Okay, I can certainly help you--when are you moving to your new address? "August." Oh, so not too far out... "2015."

"What is the limit on your internet?" 250gb per month. "So is it unlimited?"

"So I've got two doors to the outside and they can be opened to access inside the home..."

bonus call from a different call center

"...am I the automated teller you can make a payment to?"

"Yes, I got this promotion in the mail for internet and phone for $$." Okay, do you have any services with us currently like TV? "No, I have phone and internet." Okay, so you want to repackage your services to the lower rate? "No, I want to sign up for internet and phone." ...You have our internet and phone already. Are you wanting to change your services at all? "No! I want your internet and phone!"