I work monday-sunday cleaning houses full time for part time money, everyone has a team but me.. I'm a floater.. Everyone's buddy buddy and I'm left out of the groups.. My boss fucks me out of money every week.. I make my girlfriend so unhappy without knowing what I do that I would breakup with her just to watch her be happy with someone else, but she's so inlove with me im scared I'll hurt her more leaving her. My mom and dad miss me dearly but everytime I see them they put all this pressure on me about my future, and talk about my grandma who passed and sick grandpa which I don't have the strength to even think about.. So I stay away, and it makes my heart hurt. I feel like I'm stuck and the only need for me is to make everyone else feel better. I want to be successful but every time I try at something I fail and I'm terrifyed of trying again because every time I fail its not ohkay, and it leaves people pissed off.. All my friends have separated through time and I was stuck with no one, so I learned to be on my own.. So now when someone who could become a friend comes along I push them away because inside I know they'll leave...not only that but I get really nervous when I talk and I mess up words which I feel like people look down on me on and judge me on. Basically I feel like I'm fucking stupid all the time.
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