who the fuck is third umpire?

Holding a torch, Piku asked "Irritate kar rahi hun?"

And Rana, while fixing some wires, calmly says "Meri tolerance bahut achi hai."

mike, being the nerd he is, would LOVE a job where he can just yap about his favourite books all day, and he would definetely want to feel like he's making a difference in the world (we all know mike wheeler loves to be needed), so giving kids something to be happy about and to have passion for would literally be his dream

and will loves making art SO MUCH, and teaching art is one of the few ways you can actually make decent money from it, so i feel like that's the reason he would initially go into teaching, and then he would meet all those students who he starts to see himself in and he would also want to help them find themselves in art, just like he did at their age

and it's literally perfect for them because they get to share the things they're passionate about, help people, literally work at the same place and see eachother on their breaks, AND maybe they have just enough time to write and illustrate comics together on the side

i don't remember where i saw it, but didn't you say something about ben stokes giving phil salt a right lecture about dating and aussie? and yeah, they wouldn't have had much chance to know each other - but ☝️jos buttler and ben are very close! and jos has opened with salty for england, so they also would have some kind of bond formed, right? (besides, jos seems so sweet. he looks like he'd defend all his teammates.)

anyway, crack idea - ben drags salty off for a stern lecture on dating timmy, how it goes against the Principles of the Ashes, a brit dating and aussie is scandalous, basically blasphemy (we dial the drama up to 21) while salty is sitting there with his eyebrows raised like an insolent child. and Somewhere, mr Arrogant Tall Thing aka pat cummins is giving tim the same fucking lecture, fuelled by rage (while tim is trying not to laugh straight in his face.)

it's jos who finds ben and salty like, and is all "ben, is this strictly necessary," and ben is like "Yes." and salty is rolling his eyes even harder while jos tries to convince ben It's Not That Big Of A Deal. eventually, he gives up and is like "well, if you have a problem with david and salty, you're.... definitely gonna have a problem with who i'm dating too." "who?" ben demands.

"uh. well. .....shubman?

"....gill?"

jos huffs. "just how many shubmans do you know?"

ben opens his mouth. closes it again.

"well, fuck," salty whispers, borderline gleeful. "nice pull, mate."

jos turns to glare at him, slowly. "I'm trying to defend you and your fucking kangaroo, and you're mouthing off about another man? my boyfriend?"

meanwhile, guess who bursts in to defend timmy from cummins's wrath? your darling reggie. their conversation goes pretty much about the same. trust patrick to get increasingly pettier about it. he's escalated to threatening to disown tim (somehow) until josh throws up his hands and is like. "you know, cummo, i didn't want to tell you like this, but you're making this impossible. you have a problem with tim dating a brit? well, you're not gonna like who i'm dating."

tim's mouth drops open. "mate. you're actually gonna do it?"

"better not be another bloody pom," pat mutters.

josh's lips twitch. "much worse."

"who, josh?"

josh winces. "well. virat kohli?"

silence.

"you actually bloody did it," tim mumbles, a disbelieving laugh puffing from his lips.

pat blinks at josh, terrifyingly still. apex-predator still. "virat kohli."

"yes."

"you're dating virat kohli."

josh sighs, done. "i know you heard me the first time, cummo."

okay bye 👋have Fun 🦍🍑

hello jiiiiiii! what a familiar face i have in my inbox wah wah

sleep deprived or not i love all the ideas you put out ji i veel entertain them all for you at your beck and call always (kisne kahan i larve you hawwww false allegations)

yes yes i did say that about the lecturing bit in this post's comments here (it was actually @fortuna-majoris's idea and i only pointed out how maybe stokesy and phil salt aren't toooo close afaik)

and you're right!! jos and salty are the first pair of opening batsmen to score 1000 runs together in T20Is! they are definitely close to say the least (or at least i hope so, heh)

haw. you don't larves? false allegations? 💔💔💔💔💔phaine no more inbox appearances from me 😮‍💨😣

salty would definitely call ben an old man to his face he told me this himself 💯💯💯i can see him being more like irritated with this whole thing rather than hurt, ygwim? like he's not taking it extremely seriously (he's even more inclined not to worry when jos shows up to defend him) and is just annoyed that his relationship is being attacked. one thing he might be upset about is the fact that ben stokes personally took notice of him so closely not for his performance on the field, but for who he's dating. that definitely stings a little.

i have been on the jos/shubman train since like 2025 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️one of the most underrated ships ever, they'd be so good together - (absolutely, everyone is dating everyone and NO ONE is allowed to date someone from their own counry. foreigners only lmao) - possessive jos INJECT IT IN MY VEINS. I NEED IT LIKE AIR (i can just imagine shubman rolling his eyes at this but secretly loving it because jos so blatantly claims him as his, shubman never needs to doubt it - 😏)

ben's reaction, though!! he's definitely in shock, but the news about shubman doesn't bother him as much (sure, he's an extremely protective friend and very grumpy about jos's taste in men, and he will not trust shubman until he proves he's worthy of jos in ben's eyes) at the end of the day, dating an aussie is much. much. worse than an indian. (also, he's side-eyeing jos's protectiveness of shubman and doesn't want to set him off any further.)

salty throws his hands up like "timmy and i are white ball players! we'll never be anywhere near playing the ashes, anyway!" but ben doesn't budge, and jos rolls his eyes and physically drags him away from salty, but of course, nothing's resolved.

originally i was thinking that stoot are together and maybe patmitch will get together later, but this is so much tastier, omg! pat being extremely bitter because he thinks starcy betrayed him or abandoned him in a way (yeah, pat has issues, what about it) and he can't bear for it to happen again with another aussie. he would definitely threaten to get tim dropped from the t20 side, but it would also not go over well at all - like tim and patty know each other a lot better than salty and ben would, i think? so tim would be a lot more hurt by pat threatening to literally to forcibly put a stop to his intl career than salty would by anythig ben says. (pat has to be a Good Woke captain later and make it up to timmy khikhi)

yes, coming back to your darling reggie now - i was actually thinking the whole rcb squad knew, but i'm sure most of them suspect that hoffrat are together, anyway (cmon, they're too gay for no one to suspect it) but i love that little backstory yes!!! as for when hoffrat started dating, hmm, what about 2023? after the world cup? their 'talking stage' kinda might have begun in 2022 when josh joined the squad, and it built up till the world cup finals, when josh messages virat a few weeks after nov 19 to check up on him and they start chatting, then meeting, then - 😏🙂‍↕️🫶

timphil drunken kiss at the end of 2025 tournament is so 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌them spending the whole season getting to know each other and testing the waters and flirting around and pining until one of them blurts out the 'hahah what if we kissed hahhaha' - i adore it this is canon now - hoffrat being cute and domesteec 🥹🥹🥹also i can see so clearly tim and salty squinting at the picture like "it does look like them but then again we could be so incredibly hungover we're still hallucinating" HIUDHUXHD the immediate attempt to blackmail and getting shut down and then agreeing to cover for each other is gold - also tim and hoff getting closer throughout the 26 season after knowing each other's secrets and yapping about their boyfriends?? this also ultimately leading to josh immediately rushing to cover for tim after pat gets a hold of him?? love the platonic love 🤌🤌🤌

i was definitely thinking pat would not be so understanding at first omg like you wrote it so lovely and that is definitely what goes through his mind when he finally accepts The Truth - but for now, the sheer Indignation and Shock that he was already reeling from after finding out about timphil and now?? his best friend with virat fucking kohli?? the man who got on pat's nerves like no one else? he's the one who 'stole' josh away? and josh couldn't even trust him enough to tell him about a relationship that he was apparently so serious about? he's not thinking clearly, the man would EXPLODE -

after the whole Ordeal, more than half of everyone involved are mad at each other - salty and tim are mad at ben and pat respectively for trying to dictate their lives (tim even more so), ben is mad at jos for not telling him about shubman, pat is mad at josh for not telling him about virat, and josh is fuming at pat's reaction. it's a whole Soup of Anger.

i loved @stokesy55's headcanon after this, that benpat stumble to a bar to drink away their troubles and try to forget the day that they had, how all their teammates and friends are 'betraying' them apparently. they'd be like "you're literally the last person i want to talk to right now" but still stay at the bar and not leave, both thinking that in a twisted way, the other person literally understands them best right now. they'd definitely get all the trash-talking out of their systems at first, the conversation slowly derailing from hostility to bitterly muttering about their friends being Blasphemous and how they're disrespecting the rivalry, to actually drunkenly opening up about everything to each other, to - Hotel Room, raging hangovers, clothes everywhere, and the two of them screeching in panic when they see each other naked in the same bed -

i was thinking!!! what if it goes on for longer? what if they're both first horrified and ashamed and stumbling to get dressed and yelling how it was a stupid mistake, and they were both drunk, and it'll never happen again (but they can't keep each other off their minds, nor the night they spent together) - and then it happens again. and again. they keep seeking each other out, in Denial and angry and horribly ashamed but unable to stay away from each other and keep falling in each other's bed, both like "this is so Wrong and we're both fucking hypocrites and we'll literally be lynched by the teammates we just pissed off if they find out about us, but - i need you so bad, that doesn't even matter -"

Jos is SUPER SUSS when Ben rocks up in Australia for the white ball series. Marshy and Tim side eye Pat like crazy when he asks if he can come to some of their Hundred games. They all start talking to their respective partners, thinking something is up, but not in anyone’s wildest dreams do they connect Pat’s weird behaviour with Ben’s.

Then the 2027 Ashes series. Because now they’re allowed to be in the same place. They’re actively put together for captain stuff. They’re playing together again (albeit on the opposition) and they’ve spent a year trying to convince themselves this isn’t love and it’s just the heat of the rivalry.

Then Ben lifts the urn and Pat can’t help but smile.

My timeline here is Phil and Tim meet IPL 2025, spend the season getting to know each other (as above) and basically end the season with a win and a kiss. Josh woops and Virat adds a “finally!”. It’s happy, it’s lovely, and Phil and Tim start their relationship.

Roll to 2026 where Ben has just come off the “what should have been” Ashes series, so his hate for Aussies is at a particular high. Especially one Pat Cummins, who had the audacity to come in for one Test, help Australia claim the urn, and then lift it at the end of the series like he’d really ever been a part of it.

Somehow, he gets wind of Phil and Tim. He’s supposed to be doing rehab and chilling after nearly losing his eye but he’s England Test captain. This is literally his responsibility. So, although having nothing to do with the 2026 IPL he hops on a plane anyway with his PowerPoint.

Perhaps Pat finds out because he hears Ben is kicking around and asks why. Through the grapevine the convo about Ben giving Phil a PowerPoint presentation has spread, and that’s how Pat finds out about the relationship. He marches straight up to Tim at training when RCB first play SRH and literally starts yelling at him on the outfield.

Maybe it’s that game (I believe SRH lose) where Ben and Pat hook up, which then keeps going until someone discovers them Ashes 2027.

JAKE!

Oh my god Jake is spilling the beans accidentally the poor petal 🥺 Ben gives him a call just to catch up, check how he’s going and what the chances are of him playing and he innocently mentions phil being all loved up (because he just assumes that’s common knowledge and why would it be a problem?)

maybe seeing how open everyone is with affection in the rcb camp jakey just thought everyone knew about phil and tim too and that they were public so he just makes an offhand comment to ben about how if phil is not batting and comparing tattoos with virat on the other end of the pitch, then he's just snogging the big tim david.

Only Gilly can mess with Ricky and make him blush

Ricky was a gangsta? Oh please he looks like a lovesick puppy whenever he's with Gilly😭👉🏻👈🏻

i don't remember where i saw it, but didn't you say something about ben stokes giving phil salt a right lecture about dating and aussie? and yeah, they wouldn't have had much chance to know each other - but ☝️jos buttler and ben are very close! and jos has opened with salty for england, so they also would have some kind of bond formed, right? (besides, jos seems so sweet. he looks like he'd defend all his teammates.)

anyway, crack idea - ben drags salty off for a stern lecture on dating timmy, how it goes against the Principles of the Ashes, a brit dating and aussie is scandalous, basically blasphemy (we dial the drama up to 21) while salty is sitting there with his eyebrows raised like an insolent child. and Somewhere, mr Arrogant Tall Thing aka pat cummins is giving tim the same fucking lecture, fuelled by rage (while tim is trying not to laugh straight in his face.)

it's jos who finds ben and salty like, and is all "ben, is this strictly necessary," and ben is like "Yes." and salty is rolling his eyes even harder while jos tries to convince ben It's Not That Big Of A Deal. eventually, he gives up and is like "well, if you have a problem with david and salty, you're.... definitely gonna have a problem with who i'm dating too." "who?" ben demands.

"uh. well. .....shubman?

"....gill?"

jos huffs. "just how many shubmans do you know?"

ben opens his mouth. closes it again.

"well, fuck," salty whispers, borderline gleeful. "nice pull, mate."

jos turns to glare at him, slowly. "I'm trying to defend you and your fucking kangaroo, and you're mouthing off about another man? my boyfriend?"

meanwhile, guess who bursts in to defend timmy from cummins's wrath? your darling reggie. their conversation goes pretty much about the same. trust patrick to get increasingly pettier about it. he's escalated to threatening to disown tim (somehow) until josh throws up his hands and is like. "you know, cummo, i didn't want to tell you like this, but you're making this impossible. you have a problem with tim dating a brit? well, you're not gonna like who i'm dating."

tim's mouth drops open. "mate. you're actually gonna do it?"

"better not be another bloody pom," pat mutters.

josh's lips twitch. "much worse."

"who, josh?"

josh winces. "well. virat kohli?"

silence.

"you actually bloody did it," tim mumbles, a disbelieving laugh puffing from his lips.

pat blinks at josh, terrifyingly still. apex-predator still. "virat kohli."

"yes."

"you're dating virat kohli."

josh sighs, done. "i know you heard me the first time, cummo."

okay bye 👋have Fun 🦍🍑

hello jiiiiiii! what a familiar face i have in my inbox wah wah

sleep deprived or not i love all the ideas you put out ji i veel entertain them all for you at your beck and call always (kisne kahan i larve you hawwww false allegations)

yes yes i did say that about the lecturing bit in this post's comments here (it was actually @fortuna-majoris's idea and i only pointed out how maybe stokesy and phil salt aren't toooo close afaik)

and you're right!! jos and salty are the first pair of opening batsmen to score 1000 runs together in T20Is! they are definitely close to say the least (or at least i hope so, heh)