Iāve had people respond to some of my meta about Pearl with citations of certain episodes and lines like,Ā āYeah but Pearl said this in [scene where she was really off and breaking down] so that must be what she thinksā and Iāve always felt like there was something Incorrect in using those scenes asĀ āevidenceā of her actual opinions but I could never put into words what it was so I never responded and?? I think Iāve figured it out now?
Iāve noticed for a while that, with certain exceptions, there is a general and Ā -jarring- difference in the way neurodivergent + mentally ill fans tend to interpret Pearl and the way neurotypical fans interpret her. I think that probably most NT people see moments of extreme emotion (so in Pearlās case,Ā āRoseās Scabbard,āĀ āSworn to the Sword,āĀ āFriend Shipā) as the times when a person is most honestāwhen the walls come down and the truth comes out. And ND people can experience them that way too sometimes, but more often, like, autistic people, mentally ill people, post-traumatic people, tend (basing this on myself and people close to me and people I follow on tumblr, so, donāt claim to speak for everyone, but) to see times of uncontrolled emotional turmoil and breakdown as times when they are Not Themselves, when the things they say come from desperation and confusion rather than their rational thoughts. For autistic people, stressful situations and the emotional responses that accompany them can be overwhelming and inhibit logic, causing thoughts that were once habitual but now disproven to come to the surface, or nagging insecurities to be voiced as if they are The Factual Truth. A major component of most if not all mental illnesses is the constant persuasive repetition, from parts of our minds that we have no control over, of things which we KNOW are not true. And when weāre stressed and vulnerable, itās harder to listen to logic, the conscious self, the part of you that knows better, the part you thatāsĀ āyou.ā
āI need someone to tell me what to do.ā āOn the battlefield, Steven is what mattersāyou donāt matter.ā Letting Steven fall off the platform. Trying to stay with the spaceship when it was about to blow up. All of these are things that Pearl said and did when she was in extreme states of stress, grief, and mental instability. All of them are specifically refuted and condemned, by Pearl herself, as soon as sheās back to baseline.
āWhat youāre saying may be true, but it doesnāt matter.ā
āRose made me feel like I was everythingā¦I see now how much you two really care about each other.ā
āOh, what would she think of me nowā¦ā
āI could have killed usā¦Iām so sorry, Steven.ā
^^^^THESE are statements Pearl makes when she isĀ āherself,ā rational and in full control of her perceptions. These are the statements we should be judging her character by. Neurodivergent and mentally ill people are more than the lies we constantly have to fight against. A breakdown says nothing about you, who you are, or what you believe, other than that you are mentally ill or under overwhelming stress. The action taken AFTER a breakdown, the willingness to own up and fix, the strength to understand that your illness isnāt you, says everything. I love how SU captures that. Itās something we should be paying attention to.