Droughtland Rain

No more blue skys, no 10 acres of land to call my own, no space. 

Hello.

Hi.

I know I’ve been AFK for a good deal of time, and there’s a very good reason for that and I’m sorry.

But let me just rant for a minute.

It’s been six months since I came home from my second trip in Manila, and I’m finding it harder to get back into the swing of things of normal life then ever before. I miss my kids. Recent events have changed the way I view the world and how I want to experience it, and though I may not interact with the human species as much as I’d prefer they’ve changed how I see people.

I’ve finally found my trigger. And I don’t mean that kind of trigger, I mean the trigger that’s finally flicked in me as a result from my time with the poorest of the poor.

If everyone could just see those beautiful faces just once, maybe they too could view the world differently. I’m tired of people complaining to me that they don’t have this and they don’t have that. Well I call bullshit on that. I’m tired of people not being happy with the grades they are getting, for not trying, for wasting away their lives. And I hate to quote Shia, but just fucking do it, but do it smart. Know your boundaries, and work towards something.

I miss my kids, I miss the feel of a community, I miss a place where I’m not judged for singing The Banana Song at the top of lungs, ten million times.

I need to stop using the word I, it’s never going to get me anywhere. And that’s another word, “me”. Such a horrible word. 

I guess I’m just tired. Tired and defeated. 

If everyone could just see. If everyone could just stop. 

Please just, see. Look and love. 

I want to write more, and I want to express more, but I can’t find the words. I don’t cry, I can’t cry, physically or emotionally. Ever. But I am now, because it hurts. It just, hurts.