well that just thunders my bolts

•bob claims to have a peanut allergy (no one can confirm or deny) and when he doesn’t get his way he takes out a squeeze tube of peanut butter and threatens to eat it

•any time someone compliments yelena on anything she’s wearing she replies “thanks i made it myself :)” it’s never true

•whenever someone drops and/or fumbles anything john says “oh just put that anywhere”

•alexei learned the phrase “you should see the other guy” and uses it liberally and inappropriately

•if val is telling them something important (supposedly), yelena starts beatboxing. she doesn’t know how to beatbox and will never learn

•instead of saying “i’m going to kill myself” bob says “i’m going to find a train to fall off”

•instead of saying “i’m going to kill myself” bucky says “i’m going to walk into the nearest malaysian laboratory”

•every single time on any sort of public transport ava will look at strangers and say “i think we’re going the wrong way”

•john says bless you to coughs/burps/etc

•whenever someone brings up plans/ideas/etc that bucky has no interest in he claims to have to take alpine to the vet

•yelena pretends non-cigarette things are cigarettes (forks, pens, her baton once, baby carrots, john’s toothbrush that she took as he was using it, chopsticks every time they get takeout)

he does not want to go. the vault squad drags him; john bc "it's a southern staple, man," yelena for the memes she'll make of the whole experience, ava because she loves a good name pun (especially at bucky's expense), and bob because he just loves going places.

he is, to their dismay, immediately not taken with the cute beaver mascot. the five of them take a selfie with the buc-ee's statue outside and bucky himself frowns like squidward as john's long arm snaps the pic.

he takes one look at the home furnishings section – in a gas station, of which the entire place is themed around a cartoon beaver – and goes, "what the fuck."

(motherfucker will die for some beaver chips, though.)

((seriously. he asks the four of them at least three times, clearly jaded by the 21st century economy, "these things are a dollar??"))