Liar in Disguise

I think people get off on the idea of getting caught.

What happened to the good ole days when couples would just go hook up in a movie theatre? Times are changing, man, and I definitely blame it on 50 Shades Of Grey. 

Pretty sure it’s farther to go all the way home than to walk a few hundred feet to the next bathroom… Logic, Harper. God gave it to you, so use it.

Leavin’? And just where do you plan on goin’? There are so many bathrooms around here, Harper. I have faith that you’ll find one that’s in service. 

Some people are so disgusting I found a used condom the other day when I was walking around the field. It was gross.

All I wanna know, is how someone actually gets -- y'know -- at an amusement park filled with gross lookin' zombies. I don't like kink shamin' but that's on a whole other level. 

"Nothing scarier than a broken toilet. Although, we are in a park…”

I know I know, but I don't like to leave my post. I miss too many good opportunities to mess with people by doing that.  

I knew I should have brought a jacket to work, today. It’s getting chillier every day..

I'm sure, they have one in the gift shop. You could just buy ya one. 

Don’t you mean mute people?

Taylor Swift? I’m not so sure that’s a compliment, babe. But I see where you’re headed with that train of thought, and let me tell you, I’m on board.

See, I think I’d actually like you a bit better if you didn’t speak so much.

Then you should probably consider makin' friends with some deaf people. 

—.. As pretty as a dang penny? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before, but I suppose I’ll accept the compliment. Seems pretty true, anyway.

It's because I embody originality. Everytime I speak wit and uniqueness just spew out. It's a true gift from above. 

Don’t forget that Michael’s dick is bigger than a tower! That’s a really important detail. Her pussy puts his ass to sleep, and because it does, he calls her NyQuil. That’s lyrical genius at it’s finest.

It's like she speaks to the soul with her musics. Nicki, honestly sings all the thoughts I have. True artist. She's like Taylor Swift for rap. 

     All I got from that song is that Nicki has a booty I need to steal. 

Bless your heart, you do not look fat. In fact, you look as pretty as a dang penny. 

You just crushed the dream of a thirteen year old. I have never been more proud of someone in my whole life. Those stupid magazines build too much hope for tweenagers, like, Harry Styles can't marry every single girl on the earth. I'm sure he's down for some kinky stuff, but polygamy.... No. You've done a good deed. You deserve a medal.