spiritus sancti

What's happening with this world? the people you care about the most are starting to ignore you for no reason, everything goes wrong, a classmate which i know is dying, problems at home, and when you get soon home from school because everything became too much you just say ''i was tired''. But that's actually no lie, i'm tired, tired of being let down, tired of trusting the wrong people, tired of being lied to, tired of being used, and even just tired of being tired. They say when life knocks you down, stand up. But when you're knocked down too much you need someone to tell your shit and so someone who helps you get up again. But what when nobody is there? i don't know what to do anymore, sometimes i just want to go away, see if anyone would miss me, but also sometimes i want to really go away, run away from everything, who cares if i'm not alife anymore? when even your best friends start to ignore you and talk like you're worth nothing? well, fuck life.

why isn't life fair? people knock you down, you try to get up, the few friends you have help you, you talk about the things that bother you to the ones you trust, and then, you fall in love and you get rejected, down on the bottom again. i know life's about falling down and getting up again, but sometimes there's too much going on, your classmate is dying of cancer, you dad does stupid things, you love someone who defenitely doesn't like you, you have fights with friends and classmates, and the pressure for the exams on school.  and if that isn't enough, there are other people who have problems, people you care about so you help them, because you choose those people above your own happiness. sometimes life isn't fair, but eventually you realize it's not about being knocked down, it's about how you learn from it and realizing who's really there for you. if something happens, you might not forget it, but your real friends will help you try, and even if you won't forget it, you can still change the way you look at it, learn from it, and never cry for the same thing again. remember there are people who care about you even when you don't know it, there are people, really. never give up on life, life's a lesson you learn it when you're trough,, but never never never quit the game before your time has come.

zie je dat jongetje? hij is zo alleen, hij word elke dag gepest en hij kan nergens heen. zoekend naar een uitweg terwijl hij niks zegt, omdat hij niks uitlegt hij is moe van het gevecht. hij wil alleen maar weg niemand is aan hem gehecht. Dit is niet terecht als je ziet hoe hard hij vecht voor zn eigen plek want hij leeft met een gebrek, want hij opent nooit zn bek en daardoor raakt hij gek. en als hij vertrekt niemand die het toch ontdekt. beter dat je niet oordeelt voordat je weet wat er speelt en dat is veel. en nu vraag je je vast af over wie deze tekst gaat, over mezelf, dus ik weet waar ik over praat, dus denk na bij wat je zegt en wat je bij iemand doet, want je weet niet hoe iemand zich erdoor voelt.

Maybe, somtimes the people you love, don't deserve you, when you text them they only answer ''ok'' and when you say it bothers you they just say ''then don't text me so much''. well fuck you too bitch, delete her number and wait till she texts you.  well sorry for caring, I wish love wouldn't be this hard. I think i'll just never tell someone I love her again, i'm done with the pain.

Life is like a rollercoaster, it has ups and downs and it comes to an end way too fast. That's why you should make your life as good as you can. But you know, sometimes it isn't that easy, when I was younger I didn't want to live anymore. Because people knock you down, you try to stand up and they will knock you down again and I couldn't handle it anymore, but I continued. I've now realised that if people knock you down and you try to stand up, realise how they knocked you down before so you can dodge it and payback them. I know what happened to me wasn't good, I hate my past and sometimes your past does influence your future. But if you really think about the world around us and your goals, you have to forget about the past, take controll and believe in yourself for a while. When people judge you because of stupid things, just look at them and say that you don't give a fuck. You need to see what you're worth, even if you can't see it or find anything just pretend there are enough things. When you look more positive at your own life and yourself, the result will be more smiling, better friend, better times. Ofcourse how beautifull your life can be there will always be bad things. But don't love the people who only see the good in you, love the people who know your worst things and still want to be friends with you, because that is real friendship. I wish I learned this all much earlier and even if you think ''nobody cares about me'', that isn't true, there will always be people who care, but nowadays people hide that they care and are scared to tell it. If you want a better life don't start with thinking about the bad people or what they have done to you. Think about yourself, look in the mirror and think ''i'm not worthless''. Because a fact is, there will always be people who love you for who you are and who care about you for who you are. I also thought nobody cares about me, but 1 person showed me there is someone. Even if I only know that 1 person cares about me, it's enough to see the worth in your life. Maybe you got tormented really much but everything what happens is another step forward. I just want to make clear to people that life doesn't suck as you think, but you and only you can make it beautiful by your own actions, and never quit your life no matter what happens. 

I used to be the kid that no one cared about, but I have grown stronger, learned to stay my stand and speak for myself. If nobody cared about you your life feels like you're nothing. But you just got to find out who you really are and why nobody cares. Sometime, like me you have to open your eyes and face to reality, what have you done wrong, and how can you change it. 

Just a human being, so what was his right. To take your life on a clear blue night. You had to go, left the world behind. But you're not gone, you're just out of sight. And I would give the world. You know it's true. I'd build the stairway to heaven just to get to you. Every day I wake, I miss you, my friend. But the music gives me faith, till we meet again.