Living? Or Just Existing?

And have you aim it at my heart,

And pray you never pull the trigger.

Except,

You did.

And you left me to bleed out.

As I cried.

FOR YOU.

But you turned your back,

I invited you in again.

It felt nice in the beginning as it usually does.

But then reality hit once again.

I conversed about things you didn’t like.

And you ran out on me.

Just like you did at coffee.

Things were never the same since that day.

But I always thought it was just an off day for you.

I didn’t realize that was who you had become.

I kept inviting you in not realizing you were a stranger.

Maybe it’s for the better you always run off.

So I don’t correlate you with this version of someone so unkind.

But that’s the problem.

It is still you.

Just not the version I remember.

A familiar face but nothing more.

So I did.

And you came back.

So.

Many.

Times.

And every time,

You were never mine.

I’m not sad, I’m tired.

I’m not happy, I’m hurt.

I don’t regret you, but sometimes,

But then I remember all the times I called you

And you sent me to voicemail.

I’m scared I won’t recognize you if our paths ever cross again.

But then I remember all the times I asked to FaceTime

And you told me you couldn’t.

I’m scared that maybe you don’t love me anymore.

But then I remember I used to know a life without you

But after all these years,

You ended up being the one to finally push me over.